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What really attracts a man?

There was a poll of about 20, 000 men to find out what they were attracted to. The results listed the top traits that most men put at the top for initial attraction:

1. Sexual chemistry
2. Smile
3. Kindness
4. Sense of humor
5. General body type
6. Eyes
7. Intelligence
8. Communication skills
9. Teeth/Lips
10. Hair

The list of traits that men are attracted to for “long term”:
1. Kindness
2. Sense of humor
3. Communication skills
4. Sexual prowess
5. Intelligence
6. Smile
7. Listening skills
8. Money/Wealth
9. General body type/fitness
10. Eyes

I have to admit, I expected body type to be at the very top but I am not surprised it’s listed in the top 10. Also, men are into eyes? Who knew! I believe that if women were polled, a lot of the same traits would be listed, but it is hard to predict how they would rank the traits.

Guys do you agree with the lists? Do you have others that should be placed on the list?

I think a lot of us are attracted to the same traits, but do we actually possess the traits we seek out? Do you think that what attracts you initially is similar to what you are attracted for the long term?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

367 comments Add your comment

DreamsMaterialize

November 3rd, 2011
10:01 am

still, I don’t want to go from being independent to becoming co-dependent. someone on here always uses the term balance. guess it’s all about finding the correct balance.
disco The balance is found in the very co-dependence you are avoiding. The two of you have to do an honest self-assessment. If he has a strength you don’t have, then defer to his lead in situations that require that strength. He should also, likewise, acknowledge where he may be deficient and defer to your expertise. That’s what co-dependence means, and you don’t have to sacrifice your independence to accomplish it. In the ideal situation, the two of you create a synergy wherein your lives together are better than they would be individually.

oneofeach4me

November 3rd, 2011
10:02 am

@Leggs ~ that is what I learned early on about men. Certain traits are inbred in men to make them want to be providers, and the lawn masters of the home, and the Mr. Fix It in the house, ect. However, a lot of men are confused today because women’s roles have changed and evolved so much they just don’t know where they fit in. Even if you don’t need him, yet you love him, make him feel as though you need him. You have to give some of yourself if you expect someone to give themselves to you. You don’t have to go from being independent to co-dependent, just allow the man to do certain things for you that maybe you could “pay” another man to do (oil changes, plumbing, landscaping, whatever). It really does make a difference.

oneofeach4me

November 3rd, 2011
10:04 am

“If he has a strength you don’t have, then defer to his lead in situations that require that strength. He should also, likewise, acknowledge where he may be deficient and defer to your expertise. That’s what co-dependence means, and you don’t have to sacrifice your independence to accomplish it. In the ideal situation, the two of you create a synergy wherein your lives together are better than they would be individually.” BINGO!!!! That is the quote of the day!!

Lady~

November 3rd, 2011
10:06 am

good post DreamsM I believe in balance in all situations……

Leggs

November 3rd, 2011
10:06 am

@one ~ yes, it does. I learned early on as well that men loved to be needed.

@Ex ~ yes, it goes both ways.

Leggs

November 3rd, 2011
10:07 am

But, it can’t be a false “need.” Warmth and sincerity cannot be masked.

Lady~

November 3rd, 2011
10:08 am

Warmth and sincerity cannot be masked. It sure can’t Leggs!

McDonough

November 3rd, 2011
10:08 am

I wish they could have held certain variables constant in that survey, like, age, marital status/divorced, etc. I feel confident that “body type” would score higher for me at an earlier age (and is still important) but those personality traits rate much, much higher in mid-life.

Augusta, try to find mixed group settings that allow you to socialize but that don’t put pressure on any one party.

been there

November 3rd, 2011
10:09 am

Chicken wings and a six pack weren’t mentioned in this article

disco

November 3rd, 2011
10:11 am

dreams – I understand your point and agree. I guess I was getting at those folks who act like they can’t do anything without their other half. those folks that get caught up and lost in relationships. the women who will sit in the dark because their man isn’t there to change a light bulb or the women who ride around with their check engine light on because they know he’ll fix whatever issue comes up. my point is that an individual should be whole, happy and healthy before entering a relationship and remain whole, happy and healthy after they get into it. if the relationship ends they should be able to maintain. my post earlier was using “need” in the most extreme senses of the word.

Pinky

November 3rd, 2011
10:11 am

Filster

November 3rd, 2011
9:46 am
“Ladies, one problem y’all face is that Atlanta seems to have somethin glike a 10 or 15:1 ratio of single women to single men,”

That Stat is So Misleading!!!

90 Percent of Single Women Already have kids by the time they are 21…I might sound selfish but I rather raise kids that are my own and not someone elses…Im not fond of the Baby daddy drama

Leggs

November 3rd, 2011
10:15 am

90% before 21. Where you get that number from?

abc

November 3rd, 2011
10:16 am

While the lists look plausible enough, I don’t think it’s really something that could be all that qualified. Chemistry, I suppose — it’s either there or it isn’t.

The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior

November 3rd, 2011
10:16 am

wow, Meeellloo going deep early in the morning.

@100 on that 9:57

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

November 3rd, 2011
10:17 am

Augusta:

I don’t get this shi, folks getting disturbed and frustrated by your opinion or how you live your life. Live and let live nothing they can say will make a difference in how you live. Folks should want to get their frustrations aired out from within themself before denouncing another.

Pinky

November 3rd, 2011
10:25 am

Leggs

“90% before 21. Where you get that number from?”

Women I know, Friends know, or women I meet in person, etc …

Being someone with no kids…Huge turnoff for women to be single with kids in their early 20’s and have no clue as to where their father is or dont care or both…

It must be a Law in GA for women to either have been married or, have kids by the time they are 21?

Into the Light

November 3rd, 2011
10:29 am

Good morning, Honey Loves……

It is a beautiful day in the neighborhood, yes?

@BF: It’s because the folks doing that don’t realize that when they point the finger at someone else, they’ve got three pointing right back at them! :)

Leggs

November 3rd, 2011
10:29 am

You must know most of the women in existence (lol).

Baddabing

November 3rd, 2011
10:32 am

First and foremost, nothing beats a great pair of legs! I personally like smaller chested women with a more athletic look. Nothing wrong with a little cleave mind you but most mature women with big bazzungas tend to be big everywhere. Ditto on all the other qualities but we are talking about initial attraction here, aren’t we?

sfw

November 3rd, 2011
10:33 am

1. Honesty
2. Kind
3. Intelligence
4. Maturity
5. Body type
6. Eyes
7. Smile

SlimNu

November 3rd, 2011
10:36 am

Leggs – My original post regarding JG was eaten by the blog monster…let’s see if i can remember what I said…

I was stating that a person who is still holding on to past hurts, failures etc is prohibiting themselves from really moving forward. It’s no different than a dog tied up in the back yard. When a person walks by, the dog goes to barking and running. However, there is only so much slack in the rope before the dog gets yan ked the hell back.

Hooter man

November 3rd, 2011
10:38 am

Physically fit with fake hooters……sorry, just being honest….call me a pig, but it is what it is…..your husband’s/boyfriends will never admit to it, but………

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

November 3rd, 2011
10:39 am

Hey Light, Leggs, Celisea:

You lady’s are the kind a man should look forward to being with, you keep it real and that simplifies everything,

Pay Attention Ladies

November 3rd, 2011
10:41 am

A good cook is an understatement- but the meals should be prompt- dinner should be on the table when I get home from work. Also, she should be able to iron well and use just the right amount of starch on my shirts. And it wouldn’t hurt you to hit the gym a few times a week too. Geez.

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

November 3rd, 2011
10:42 am

Ooops, a period goes at the end of everything not a coma.

Lee

November 3rd, 2011
10:45 am

Augusta, stop/don’t apologize. You are what you are? We can over look a good man because they don’t fit “our imagine” of what we want. I know of couples who married and they wasn’t each other type. Some worked out well other didn’t, but that’s life anyways. I keep my options open a good man come in all size, shape and colors. You just need to be able to walk through the door when it opens. I’m embarking on a relationship now and honestly speaking I’m terrified. The man has led a very varied life but, say he has changed. So, I won’t know the end results of this relationship until I get to the end. Stop listending to the spiteful nayer sayers because your time is at hand. Continue to careful, wise and loving.

Into the Light

November 3rd, 2011
10:45 am

Awwww, BF, that was a sweet thing to say. :)

Pinky

November 3rd, 2011
10:47 am

Nothing Better Than a Chick who can Throw Down in The Kitchen and Kick it with the Crew watching Football…

Chicks who are Passionate abt football. Huge Turn On…

And Chicks who are intelligent with societial issues is a huge plus…

Kiss of a Rose

November 3rd, 2011
10:48 am

The truth, that list changes over time as man get mature. Woman have to look for man who are mature. Man are visual creature, but as we get older we ask the question “Can this woman create a happy home?”. It visual at first, but then it get a little deeper. As far as this economic goes, if a woman ready love a man, and ready seeks a companion she needs to let go her fears and find a man that is on her level spirtual, emotional, and lifestyle (do you like what he likes etc. football, hockey, basketball, movies, camping, and etc). Ruth in the good news found her man by being where he is motivated and committed to be or what he visually likes to be football games, camping, baseball games, art galleries, movies, and etc.

Leggs

November 3rd, 2011
10:49 am

Well said, SlimNu!

Thank you BF!

@Pinky ~ that’s a bold statement you’re making about women in their 20s not knowing who the baby daddy is. It happens, but it’s not a high percentage. Heck, you’re talking about the majority of the population. And, if your number is gauged from the people you know and talk to, maybe you need to talk to a different breed of woman….IJS.

disco

November 3rd, 2011
10:49 am

it was a very sweet thing to say. too bad I was omitted – ha ha – but it’s all good.

Leggs

November 3rd, 2011
10:50 am

@BF ~ you are funny.

kimmie

November 3rd, 2011
10:51 am

Morning All!

I attracted a great man. So I don’t care about what attracts the others. Funny, most of the things on the lists seem superficial. If this were a list about what attracted women, you men would be putting us down for being so shallow.

I hate it when they post the topic on the front page!

SlimNu

November 3rd, 2011
10:52 am

I don’t know what’s gotten into me but I was sort of feeling Exiles post about the Need a man/Want a man rants. I think folks are associating the term with NEEDING a man as displaying traits of weakness. To me, having a man or woman is basically putting a left glove with the right glove…sure you can get by in life without them but it definitely makes things more warm, cozy, and comfy ;-) :oops:

Chris

November 3rd, 2011
10:55 am

I pretty much agree with it. Kindness is top for me. A lot of other positive things flow from that. Kindness and a smile are very attractive. No one wants to be around mean, unkind, negative, selfish people. I think this shows again what many women “think” men are attracted to isn’t what we are but how many women actually LISTEN to men when we try and tell them what we like/want?

disco

November 3rd, 2011
10:55 am

slim nu – your “warm, comfy and cozy” made me think of frank mccourt (guy who wrote angela’s ashes). in one of his memoirs he wrote that his mother always stated that all she wanted was to live in peace, ease and comfort. poor dear. she surely wasn’t asking for much but sometimes that little bit can be really hard to come by.

DreamsMaterialize

November 3rd, 2011
10:55 am

Maybe I’m misunderstanding, but I don’t “need to feel needed”. You might not “need” me for anything, but you can still show appreciation for me. I don’t have some primal “need” to fix your brakes, but since you’re my lady and I care about you, I do feel an obligation to make your life easier where I can (hope you would do the same for me). To deny me that isn’t denying any “need” of mine…it’s really denying yourself the benefit of the affections being shown to you in the best way a man knows how…actions!

Lady~

November 3rd, 2011
10:56 am

oneofeach4me

November 3rd, 2011
10:56 am

I also think that along with associating needing a significant other with being weak, as women we sometimes think that what a man wants is this independent woman who doesn’t need him for anything. I think when a man says they like independent women, they just mean someone who is independent in her thoughts and keeps it real even if that means disagreeing with him from time to time.

I would like to now why being a good cook was left off that list though! lol Seems odd.

Leggs

November 3rd, 2011
10:57 am

show appreciation for me / need to feel needed = same thing (to me).

oneofeach4me

November 3rd, 2011
10:59 am

@Pinky ~ “Nothing Better Than a Chick who can Throw Down in The Kitchen and Kick it with the Crew watching Football…Chicks who are Passionate abt football. Huge Turn On…And Chicks who are intelligent with societial issues is a huge plus…”

That is me right there to a T. However, I have had men say that women who like sports aren’t feminine enough for them. Huh? Say what? Uuuummm I am pretty sure most cheerleaders are into the sport they cheer for no? :-/

SlimNu

November 3rd, 2011
11:00 am

We all want to be appreciated…point blank period

Chris

November 3rd, 2011
11:01 am

I think “balance” in a sense is code for “I’m afraid to fully give myself to this relationship cause I’m scared I may be hurt or disappointed”. After seeing married people married for 35+ years there is a constancy and co-dependence that naturally occurs no matter what you do to try and stop it. You either love fully or you don’t. Don’t half-azz it. Far too many these days do that.

Pinky

November 3rd, 2011
11:06 am

oneofeach4me

Co-Sign…

Also on a Sidenote…Since I don’t listen to Rap anymore. A Chick that likes old Rap and R&B is a Huge turn on as well…

DreamsMaterialize

November 3rd, 2011
11:06 am

show appreciation for me / need to feel needed = same thing (to me).
Leggs I don’t see needing and appreciating as the same, but if you mean them to be the same, then I agree with the “need to feel needed” theme. ;-)

Leggs

November 3rd, 2011
11:06 am

Point…blank….period! Get it, Got it, Good!

oneofeach4me

November 3rd, 2011
11:06 am

@Dreams ~ I am with Leggs there. I think you did misunderstand (easy to do through blog, text, messenger). If your lady, that you love and care about, was allowing someone else to take care of everything that you as the man are more knowledgeable in (your strength, her deficient) you wouldn’t feel unappreciated or a little invisible? I know being that I am a good cook, if my love was eating out at a restaurant every time he was hungry instead of coming home to eat, I would be a little offended. It’s that thing of “I don’t really need you, you are just here.” Know what I mean?

Peter

November 3rd, 2011
11:16 am

1. Kind hearted – a giver
2.Beautiful Eyes
3.Trustworthy in friendship and love
4.Curvy Body
5.Intelligent and growing in her respective craft
6. Beautiful lips/teeth

SlimNu

November 3rd, 2011
11:17 am

I shole got turned on when the beau came home after work, didn’t take off his uniform, didn’t take a minute to eat dinner and took my car to go put some air in the tires I surely had no problem showing my appreciation :shock: :oops: :lol:

kimmie

November 3rd, 2011
11:18 am

Folks freak over the “need”, “independent” thing. It’s an appreciation thing, like Dreams said.

There are practical, everyday things that you could pay someone to do if you can’t. You can even pay for dates and sex. You don’t “need” a significant other to get those things if you have the money to pay for them. But if you have an SO that does provide any of those things, appreciation is what most desire.

The intagible things like love, respect, companionship, someone in your corner, friendship – these are the things one would “need” an SO for, in my opinion. One should not be afraid to admit they want and need these things.

A man should not be intimidated by a woman and feel she does not “need” him just because she is able to fix her own flat tire or paid someone else to do it. A woman should not feel a guy doesn’t “need” her because he can clean his home and cook better than she can, or pays someone to do it.

Men and women provide so much more to each other that you can’t put a pricetag on.