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Dating: Good together on paper?

It is one of those things that happens to the best of us. You meet someone who appears to have a boatload of things in common with you. Similar background, upbringing, likes, dislikes, even your taste in music matches up! Then dating commences and the attraction wanes instead of grows. What happened?!

It’s when you are good on paper but not in real life. The things that we consider super important for compatibility does not always translate to hot and heavy relationships with great chemistry. You can never predict it but is it something we can create?

Do you ever meet people who you seem to match well with in theory, but not in practice?

Is the chemistry really important or can you begin a love affair with someone who is simply compatible to you? What happens when you realize you are only good on paper?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

272 comments Add your comment

Celisea

November 2nd, 2011
3:14 pm

seems like it WOULDN’T serve best…is what I was saying

Randyt (aka...Been There, Done That, Have a Closet Full of T-Shirts)

November 2nd, 2011
3:15 pm

Now what I have done is this. When the lady offers to pick up or go Dutch, I have been known to say, “I’ll get this, but maybe we can leave here and go to Cheesecake Factory and split a dessert there, and you can pick up the dessert tab”. Then I pay for the dessert anyway, because I am just testing the water. ;-)

SexyCool

November 2nd, 2011
3:16 pm

kimmie – you can say that again.

kimmie

November 2nd, 2011
3:17 pm

Exiled – There will always be trifling folks in the world trying to get over. We’re not talking about that.

Celisea

November 2nd, 2011
3:17 pm

All men aren’t impressed with a woman carrying yourself and him. Some men I believe and IMO are impressed with the THOUGHTFULNESS of wanting to treat or do something nice but encouraging folks to do stuff under something that they wouldn’t normally do is bad advice. I would say enhance the norm but don’t it to the extreme. You might cast the wrong impression…esp when it’s time for the walls to come down

Yep Leggs

Randyt (aka...Been There, Done That, Have a Closet Full of T-Shirts)

November 2nd, 2011
3:18 pm

Now one thing I do disagree with is a lady running up a giant bar tab the first time (unless, well, ahhh never mind).

Celisea

November 2nd, 2011
3:19 pm

Kimmie – Your 3:10…spot on. Heck be impressed with me and what I do everyday, not with me going in my purse. We in to win it, you’ll see and be treated. Just not going to happen day one

Exiled!

November 2nd, 2011
3:19 pm

I don’t think like a girl

I wldnt know

Exiled!

November 2nd, 2011
3:20 pm

3:18 see there u go

There are all shades of people out there

We know u know

U take risk it happens bad

KIM

disco

November 2nd, 2011
3:21 pm

Leggs – sorry to say that all women do not always make sure to have their own money (not me. if I don’t have money I know how to entertain myself at home for free). I know a few who venture to step out all in the hopes/anticipation that someone will treat them. and not just necessarily in a date situation. these chicks go out with friends and then remember that they don’t have money when they get where they are going since they expect that their friends will cover them.

Leggs

November 2nd, 2011
3:21 pm

Anyone running up a giant bar tab shouldn’t be able to walk out the bar.

SlimNu

November 2nd, 2011
3:22 pm

Randy – It was the one off 75N…

Ex – Granted, there are some chicks just looking for a sponsor to get out of the house. However, I am never seeking that for my mere enjoyment. If i’m going out with a dude, whether it be the first date or the 5th date, it’s because I’m trying to get to know him and hopefully am enjoying his company.

SexyCool

November 2nd, 2011
3:22 pm

And really, in the end, it plays out like it’s supposed to. If he expects her to reach for the check and she doesn’t, then he can decide that she is not the type of person that he wants to date based on her actions.

If he expects her to go dutch on a date and that is not how she thinks things should go, then she can make the decision to not see this individual again.

Either way, it’s just a way of determining compatibility. Because I can promise you, that there does exist a woman who will gladly pay, not only on the first date, but every date. And it is more the average than the exception that a man will expect to pick up the tab on a first date.

cba

November 2nd, 2011
3:26 pm

I can imagine there are many complexities dating in the 2000’s but paying the tab for the first date, even if she asked me out, is not one of them. Don’t sweat the simple stuff.

Exiled!

November 2nd, 2011
3:27 pm

Slim

I know u the good one,it ain’t personal

but I’m just saying coz everybody else,including non bloggers are reading

May the word touch on the affected by it

Amen!

Leggs

November 2nd, 2011
3:27 pm

I suppose, disco. I never rolled like that. Always had cab fare back in the day, a dime or rather a quarter for the phone (before cellular devices), and can feed myself if need be. Never at the mercy of a man or a gf on a date.

Exiled!

November 2nd, 2011
3:27 pm

The One affected by it

Randyt (aka...Been There, Done That, Have a Closet Full of T-Shirts)

November 2nd, 2011
3:28 pm

@ Leggs, back when I was counting my money more intensely than now, i would invite a lady to somewhere, i.e., Cheesecake Factory or Ray’s On the River. We would eat for maybe $40 or so, then the dayum bar tab would cause the ticket to triple or even more. And some of those were the ones that I would have been better off with a beer and a good book ;-) Oh well, it is part of the game.

Leggs

November 2nd, 2011
3:29 pm

@cba ~ thanks, because it really is that simpe.

Celisea

November 2nd, 2011
3:30 pm

The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior

November 2nd, 2011
3:30 pm

It is a common theme for Dan: responsibility, and self – respect.

Not to say that a woman reaching for the check (shoot, even paying) is a good thing, but it shows responsibility.

Why would you leave the house without money to pay for your meal?

You don’t know this dude – is what you’ll say when he leans in for the kiss – then why not apply that same logic to preparing for the date?

It’s silly to think that in this day and age, for a much as chivalry is bemoaned as being dead, that a woman would leave the house without money to buy.her.own.food.

And, in the same vain, if you run across that cheap dude – like me – that ain’t paying for lobster and sckrimp, but you want it that night; be prepared to pay, or be prepared to be propositioned.

I don’t agree with it, shoot, I take it as a slight when my wife tries to grab a check, but in the same breath I’m proud of her for being willing and able to pay.

The logic is flawed that goes from: we’re each here to make a first impression, and one party doesn’t feel like they have to.

As important as your make-up, your hair, or your cell phone, is the money you take to pay your own way.

disco

November 2nd, 2011
3:31 pm

a friend of mine in Orlando says she just had a falling out with some girls (friends of a friend) re this very issue. them showing up without funds and expecting someone to spot them. she said she let them both know that she wasn’t the one. apparently they ran that game on her friend regularly but she says she nipped it in the bud. I know if chicks are out to game each other like that they are really out to run game on the men if they can.

kimmie

November 2nd, 2011
3:31 pm

SCool – One of my good friends absolutely refused to pay for any dates. She bragged about it. She is married. Her husband worships the ground she walks on. Now after they dated awhile, and I mean awhile, she cooked him dinner from time to time and she is a fabulous cook. She’s a bit high maintenence.

But her husband had no problem with it. He feels he got a real prize. They are compatible. That’s all that matters.

Leggs

November 2nd, 2011
3:32 pm

@Randyt ~ gotcha. I started to include depending on the location and the price of the drink. Many of you always bring up the Cheesecake Factory. I’ve been once, but I don’t remember anything spectacular about the food???

SexyCool

November 2nd, 2011
3:33 pm

Okay…and really, who carries cash only? I can’t imagine that there is anybody these days who walks out of their house without a debit card….even if they only have a $13 balance.

SlimNu

November 2nd, 2011
3:33 pm

SC – Sounds like you pretty much summed up today’s topic lololol

So now in other news, there’s been a surge of patrons on dates at all local Sonic Fast Food establishments. Stocks are rising at a rapid pace and economists are wildly researching the reason behind it. Now for you local weather…

Leggs

November 2nd, 2011
3:33 pm

@kimmie ~ that is absolutely crazy, but I know it happens, but for it to be frequently is so unatrractive.

Celisea

November 2nd, 2011
3:33 pm

There’s a difference in having money as a safety net versus reaching for the tab. Two totally different things that can’t be made as one in the same reason.

Not a single solitary responsible women will venture away from the house to any venue without privisions of “backup.” I’m not prepared though to pay for a first day…and that’s having money on hand.

I just think folks are different and you shouldn’t encourage folks to tap dance to snag a dude. A woman should be her best self to snag a dude.

SexyCool

November 2nd, 2011
3:36 pm

For a broke btch, there is no place like home.

SexyCool

November 2nd, 2011
3:37 pm

Well…we do have to keep in mind that we are debating with an individual who refers to himself in the third person. (lol)

kimmie

November 2nd, 2011
3:37 pm

disco – Like I told Exiled, there have always been con-artists out there and always will be.

cba – Agree totally.

Frankly, when I was dating, if I ever ran into a dude that made an issue with paying on a 1st date even for a drink or a cup of coffee, it’s obvious we would not get along. We’re getting off on a wrong foot already. I always went for men with a lot more class than that. And he obviously coming out the gate is putting me in a catagory of those same women Disco & Exiled speak about. He can kick rocks.

Leggs

November 2nd, 2011
3:38 pm

Excellent distinction Celisea. I for one didn’t mean to tie them together but I see I did just that.

SexyCool

November 2nd, 2011
3:39 pm

SlimGood – (lmao)

Leggs

November 2nd, 2011
3:39 pm

That 3:37 is the real deal….thanks kimmie!!!!

The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior

November 2nd, 2011
3:39 pm

3rd person plural from time to time too.

Randyt (aka...Been There, Done That, Have a Closet Full of T-Shirts)

November 2nd, 2011
3:41 pm

@ Leggs Food is generally good, not great. I like to go somewhere else, Ippolitos or Carrabas maybe, and then invite the lady to take a drive with me (preferably with the top down) to the Cheesecake Factory for dessert, a glass of wine, and conversation. It tends to be a tad noisy for a first date itself. Rays, Killer Creek and Stony River (if you have deep pockets) are usually very good.

Leggs

November 2nd, 2011
3:49 pm

Thank you, Randyt!

Randyt (aka...Been There, Done That, Have a Closet Full of T-Shirts)

November 2nd, 2011
3:49 pm

All I ask for is that the lady be gracious, if I spring for the tab…not condescending or haughty, and hopefully attempts to enjoy herself, be interesting and interested, and have a good time. If the lady does that alone, the money isn’t wasted.

Leggs

November 2nd, 2011
3:52 pm

To be called a lady, graciousness is one of her ingredients!!!

Leggs

November 2nd, 2011
3:52 pm

rather characteristics…

Randyt (aka...Been There, Done That, Have a Closet Full of T-Shirts)

November 2nd, 2011
3:54 pm

Into the Light

November 2nd, 2011
3:55 pm

Okay, I’m back.

@Slim: your Sonic bit had me cracking up!! You know what, though? Although Sonic is not my favorite place, at least it’s as quiet or noisy as you want it to be, since you’re in your car. LOL

Randyt: Hush on the Pappadeaux!! You’ve got me craving shrimp brochette.

Randyt (aka...Been There, Done That, Have a Closet Full of T-Shirts)

November 2nd, 2011
3:56 pm

@ Leggs, i will say that the Chocolate Tuxedo Cheesecake at Cheesecake Factory is to die for…it is unbeatable…and big.

SexyCool

November 2nd, 2011
3:56 pm

I can’t NOT express gratitude when someone buys me a meal. I still thank TheDude when he takes me out…even if it’s to Burger King. And he still thanks me for cooking. I don’t expect that either of us will discontinue doing so either.

Randyt (aka...Been There, Done That, Have a Closet Full of T-Shirts)

November 2nd, 2011
4:01 pm

Although the Godiva Chocolate Cheesecake is so rich it causes your mouth to contort.

Into the Light

November 2nd, 2011
4:02 pm

Mmmmmm, speaking of cooking, there’s a pork roast in the crock pot just waiting on me to get home and slice it! Mmmm, mmmm, good!

Celisea

November 2nd, 2011
4:03 pm

And no matter his career, I’m always cognizant when I’m ordering. Not penny pinching, not cheap but I want to be considerate of someone’s dime. Always.

Leggs

November 2nd, 2011
4:03 pm

OM Goodness. It causes your mouth to contort…I’m already scared.

I’m not really a dessert person, but would try the cheesecake if I should ever go back.

Randyt (aka...Been There, Done That, Have a Closet Full of T-Shirts)

November 2nd, 2011
4:04 pm

Well, I’m off to rescue a damsel in distress…my daughter left her car keys in a friend’s car. So up I-75 I go. Night all. I’ll be thinking about you when I order that Pizza Hut, any large any topping for $10 and open a cold beer or three…and watch whatever i taped on the DVR last night. Life is good.

Leggs

November 2nd, 2011
4:04 pm

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, not a pork roast in the crock pot…I’m already salivating.