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Dating: Good together on paper?

It is one of those things that happens to the best of us. You meet someone who appears to have a boatload of things in common with you. Similar background, upbringing, likes, dislikes, even your taste in music matches up! Then dating commences and the attraction wanes instead of grows. What happened?!

It’s when you are good on paper but not in real life. The things that we consider super important for compatibility does not always translate to hot and heavy relationships with great chemistry. You can never predict it but is it something we can create?

Do you ever meet people who you seem to match well with in theory, but not in practice?

Is the chemistry really important or can you begin a love affair with someone who is simply compatible to you? What happens when you realize you are only good on paper?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

272 comments Add your comment

Leggs

November 2nd, 2011
2:27 pm

@Celisea ~ they asked everyone to turn in their heaters…like hell I was going to do that. I hid mine in our storage area. I take it out every now and then…today is one of those “thens.”

@ITL ~ yes, the fact that it was disclosed the way it was…that was tacky.

Lady~

November 2nd, 2011
2:28 pm

me too slim me too what you can afford or Ibe prepared to take the ticket…never had anyone to vanish on a ticket but I come prepared you just never know….smh lol

Into the Light

November 2nd, 2011
2:29 pm

Not to confuse things, but I don’t see meeting someone for coffee or drinks or even meeting at a restaurant after work to be a “date”, especially if it’s your first face-to-face meeting. That’s why I keep referring to it as a meet and greet.

kimmie

November 2nd, 2011
2:29 pm

Light – I’ve only been asked to go dutch once and that was my freshman year in college. I dogged(teasingly) dude out for it because he did like Leggs date did, HE did the invite and then brought up the dutch stuff at the table. But then, we were both 18!lol Anyway, I told him that was tacky and while I knew he was probably a broke college kid like me, he could have been a little more smooth about it. We just went out for a few slices of pizza near campus. Anyway, it ended up all cool. I have never had that issue since. And I have no problem at all treating royally once we’ve gone out a few times. But that initial date, naw bruh.

Ironically, I ran into him about 5 years out of college and he was on his way back to school to prepare to go to (guess) – medical school! He had majored in finance at UGA!

Randyt (aka...Been There, Done That, Have a Closet Full of T-Shirts)

November 2nd, 2011
2:30 pm

Regarding paying on the first date, a lady I went out with a few times was telling me how she went out with a guy she met on line. They met at a restaurant. He ordered water, she ordered a glass of wine or a drink. He said something to her about not ordering the most expensive thing on the menu or drinks. He then told her he had to go to the men’s room and as she was casually gazing out the window, she ralized he had gone outside…and kept on going. Left her with the tab. Told her later by phone or email that he had felt ill and had to leave.

Celisea

November 2nd, 2011
2:31 pm

Leggs – I know right. It’s freezing in this room. I should have know it would be freezing in here.

kimmie

November 2nd, 2011
2:31 pm

Light – My first meet & greet with my now husband he paid, no questions asked. We met for drinks at Ruby Tuesday.

I treated on about our 4th date.

Lady~

November 2nd, 2011
2:32 pm

I see your point ITL……….its all one in the same for me………the amount or place doesn’t determine it for me…..

Lady~

November 2nd, 2011
2:33 pm

Kimmie I am on my way to Ruby Tuesday in a few! #hungry………

kimmie

November 2nd, 2011
2:33 pm

Randyt – Why do folks like that even bother? SMH :shock:

Into the Light

November 2nd, 2011
2:34 pm

My little tootsies are toasty warm…I’ve got the heater blowing right on them. I couldn’t give up my heater – uh unh.

Kimmie: I saw AHS was on last night, but I was afraid to start in the middle of the season without seeing the first few episodes. Well, that and I was just plain afraid since it was after dark and I was home alone. :lol:

Leggs

November 2nd, 2011
2:34 pm

@Randyt ~ that’s a shiftless, tacky, space cadet that would do that leave a woman with the tab! Hope he was young and dumb. Hope it was by email because I wouldn’t have picked up the phone. Grown folk let other grown folk know when they’re sick and need to leave…punk!

kimmie

November 2nd, 2011
2:36 pm

Light – Don’t be scared! :shock: :lol:

Into the Light

November 2nd, 2011
2:37 pm

I’m not opposed to the guy picking up the tab (unless I really don’t like him and/or he strikes me as the kind of guy that keeps “score”, if you know what I mean), but I certainly don’t expect it.

Mmmm, Ruby Tuesday. I could go for some of their white chicken chili. YUM!

Randyt (aka...Been There, Done That, Have a Closet Full of T-Shirts)

November 2nd, 2011
2:37 pm

Beats me Kimmie. if I can’t afford, I don’t go out. Haven’t noticed a long line of ladies wanting to buy e dinner to try to take advantage of me…not the way the game is played.

Oh and the BMW and Benz I mentioned are used…I’m cheap in some ways so I can afford more in others.

Into the Light

November 2nd, 2011
2:38 pm

Kimmie – I am not too proud to admit that I am a fraidy cat in the first degree! :lol:

kimmie

November 2nd, 2011
2:39 pm

Leggs – I should have known better. It stays cold in this place. We can wear jeans the first week of every month. I wore my new black flares with some clogs & forgot my socks! Picked up a pair at lunch! I’m cozy now!

The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior

November 2nd, 2011
2:39 pm

Here’s my thing,

Bring money.

In 2011, with the SBW cape flying all over airways, bring money on a date.

Wanna show your ‘independence’ reach for the check, just reach.

You ladies find out a lot about a man (apparently) by his willingess to pay the check, well like is drawn to like.

Randyt (aka...Been There, Done That, Have a Closet Full of T-Shirts)

November 2nd, 2011
2:40 pm

Ruby Tuesday’s pasta and shrimp thingy is really good too.

kimmie

November 2nd, 2011
2:41 pm

Light – So am I. The only reason why I watch anything scary is because I’m no longer living by myself & husband loves scary.

Before that, uhm, no! :shock:

Lady~

November 2nd, 2011
2:42 pm

On that note…….Have a good evening MIA!!!! Thanks for a great day of blogging~~~~~;)

Lady~

November 2nd, 2011
2:42 pm

kimmie

November 2nd, 2011
2:43 pm

Dan – Even though it’s never been an issue, mama told me to ALWAYS bring money.

Be prepared for anything!

Randyt (aka...Been There, Done That, Have a Closet Full of T-Shirts)

November 2nd, 2011
2:43 pm

Speaking of food…it has been way too long since I’ve been to Pappadeaux. I could really handle that crawfish and wine sauce fondue, and a plate of fried everything.

Leggs

November 2nd, 2011
2:44 pm

@Dan ~ in this day an age I bet everyone woman goes out with her own money! We have to walk expecting to bail ourselves out of a tight or awkward situation. All day, every day….

Leggs

November 2nd, 2011
2:47 pm

Wanna show your ‘independence’ reach for the check, just reach. – guess you must not have been reading because those that spoke said they don’t mind paying for the check, just not on the first date. You asked me out on this first date, you pay or we go dutch…not a problem. Always talking about the order of things with man vs. women. Well, that’s one of them on the first date…it’s just the way it is if he did the asking.

You ladies find out a lot about a man (apparently) by his willingess to pay the check, well like is drawn to like. – if you aren’t willing don’t do the asking…plain and simple. It’s nice for her to offer, but you did the asking. Never ask for that which you can’t pay for. Life Lesson 101.

SlimNu

November 2nd, 2011
2:49 pm

Lady – Bring back a salad from there….I love being able to fix my own salad the way I want to. Mmm mmm good

Randyt (aka...Been There, Done That, Have a Closet Full of T-Shirts)

November 2nd, 2011
2:51 pm

Like I’ve said before, paying (for guys) is the cost of doing business. that siad, by the third or fourth date, the lady should no longer expect Bonefish or Ruth’s Chris every weekend. Mix it up, eat high, eat low, grill, go out, picnic, pizza at home…

Randyt (aka...Been There, Done That, Have a Closet Full of T-Shirts)

November 2nd, 2011
2:53 pm

My Irish heritage is telling me that I may want to hoist a pint this evening…or two. And I’ll pick up the tab.

SlimNu

November 2nd, 2011
2:56 pm

Yall talking about being cold, I have been outside since 9 this morning. Talk about cold to the bone brrrrrrrr

SexyCool

November 2nd, 2011
2:58 pm

Also, there is a difference between going Dutch because of whatever principle a man has about paying on dates (or meet-n-greets as ITL calls them) and going Dutch because you can’t afford to pick up your date’s tab. If you can’t afford to pay on a date, you shouldn’t be dating.

The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior

November 2nd, 2011
2:59 pm

@Leggs

I read, kinda.

I’m saying even on a first date – reach for the check.

First dates are impression making time, yeah; well what better way to show a guy that you can handle your own than by reaching for the check?

Leggs

November 2nd, 2011
3:00 pm

You got it, Randyt. By the 3rd or 4th outing, I’ll be paying sometimes….

SexyCool

November 2nd, 2011
3:00 pm

Or…you should date on your financial level.

Leggs

November 2nd, 2011
3:01 pm

Then I would have asked myself out on the date, Dan.

SexyCool

November 2nd, 2011
3:01 pm

Meaning – if you can’t afford Ruth’s Chris, take your ass to Ruby Tuesday’s. And if RT is out of your budget, go to Sonic.

Leggs

November 2nd, 2011
3:02 pm

Dang, from RT to Sonic….

SexyCool

November 2nd, 2011
3:03 pm

*Some* men will interpret a woman reaching for the check as a slight.

SlimNu

November 2nd, 2011
3:08 pm

Randy – The last couple of time I went to Pappadeaux, I was disappointed. Hope if you make it, that your experience will be better than mine.

Randyt (aka...Been There, Done That, Have a Closet Full of T-Shirts)

November 2nd, 2011
3:09 pm

I’ll reach for the check…the lady can reach for my…hand. LOL

Celisea

November 2nd, 2011
3:09 pm

I’m saying even on a first date – reach for the check. First dates are impression making time, yeah; well what better way to show a guy that you can handle your own than by reaching for the check?

Okay and AGAIN…not trying to be the contrarian but Dan you always seem like you have advice that places women on stage and in “performance” mode. I’m not reaching for the check on a first date/meet/greet….not even if I suggest (more than likely). Again, I’m not against showing my flexibility and two-sidedness but just like you can cast one impression it can also go the other way. You’ll have sorry dudes/jokers believing that’s what you do. IJS

Randyt (aka...Been There, Done That, Have a Closet Full of T-Shirts)

November 2nd, 2011
3:10 pm

Which one, slimnu?

Exiled!

November 2nd, 2011
3:10 pm

Ladies,u(some of y’all) also abuse the gentlemen is us

Expecting a meal ticket even when u have no intentions to explore with this man but just want dinner/lunch on the cheap…

So when he goes Dutch or ‘flees’ the ‘date’,just charge as write offs!

kimmie

November 2nd, 2011
3:10 pm

If me getting up going to work every day, driving my own car from my own home didn’t tell dude I was independant, me picking up the check won’t.

Exiled!

November 2nd, 2011
3:10 pm

Leggs

November 2nd, 2011
3:10 pm

Of course they will, SlimNu. Most men would be offended. May like the fact that she reached, but he sure isn’t expecting or wanting her to pay.

SlimNu

November 2nd, 2011
3:12 pm

Dang, from RT to Sonic OMG, that made me spit my sprite out.

SC – How about from RT to Applebee’s 2 for $20 before we drop down to Sonic? :lol:

Celisea

November 2nd, 2011
3:12 pm

And I know per se, it’s “performance”…to some degree. But calculating intentional stuff versus doing what you normally do (even if it’s not do-able to the other person on the day), seems like it would serve best. You know….be yourself. I know some efforts for making things a 2-way street would be the result of “intentional” but staging and doing stuff that’s frankly out of your normal realm seems faking it or acting under the guise of “representative.” I mean it get to some extent this is happening anyway but to trump things up by doing extreme things just to impress seems fake….back to the meeting

Exiled!

November 2nd, 2011
3:12 pm

I wouldn’t be offended but will just say, ‘I’ll take care of it’.

Leggs

November 2nd, 2011
3:13 pm

@Celisea ~ you’re right. That is a common thread for Dan.

So when he goes Dutch or ‘flees’ the ‘date’,just charge as write offs! – ummmm what do you think we’re charging it as????