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Dating: Good together on paper?

It is one of those things that happens to the best of us. You meet someone who appears to have a boatload of things in common with you. Similar background, upbringing, likes, dislikes, even your taste in music matches up! Then dating commences and the attraction wanes instead of grows. What happened?!

It’s when you are good on paper but not in real life. The things that we consider super important for compatibility does not always translate to hot and heavy relationships with great chemistry. You can never predict it but is it something we can create?

Do you ever meet people who you seem to match well with in theory, but not in practice?

Is the chemistry really important or can you begin a love affair with someone who is simply compatible to you? What happens when you realize you are only good on paper?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

272 comments Add your comment

Lady~

November 2nd, 2011
11:01 am

Kimmie that is my point a solid plan is what I am seeking……and trust I know it can be done and truly support the efforts but without a plan I can’t ride seriously

Exiled three years for him four years for me

Lady~

November 2nd, 2011
11:03 am

DK love that male’s POV! Thank You!

Celisea

November 2nd, 2011
11:04 am

Awe man…this is so neat….I’m on a telepresence meeting with about 12 ladies for 2 days….some I’ve met in traveling conferences, some I haven’t. Not sure how I’ll feel after two days of this but this is neat!!

Celisea

November 2nd, 2011
11:10 am

And not that I’m into people but I’m in a room across from the President of Georgia for my corporation. We have another one of these rooms on another floot that I typically use with my manager. This is the executive’s site. All the execs located in Georgia are on this floor. We have 200,000 plus employees just to indicate the scale.

Ut oh, there’s no eating in this location. Lunch is being sent in to me…not sure how Imma pull this off. There are a ton of offices around me.

Fion

November 2nd, 2011
11:12 am

@Lady
I’mma drop this and I’ve got to go.

Lead singer for Led Zepplin Jimmy Page wrote a song (Ten Years Gone).
The story behind the song. Long before they became famous, he had a girlfriend that gave him an ultimatum. “Choose your music or me”. Needless to say, as they say and the rest is history.

SexyCool

November 2nd, 2011
11:13 am

Leggs – you have the most interesting misadventures is.

Lady~

November 2nd, 2011
11:14 am

naw Fion no ultimatum here….that isn’t my stance my stance is more so fear and that a personal flaw bc faith and fear can’t exist…..I just don’t want him to fail but I have to believe and see it through…..the unkown is scary

Exiled!

November 2nd, 2011
11:15 am

Tweet that Celisea tweet that

Or Facebook that

Let ur friends know

:lol:

kimmie

November 2nd, 2011
11:17 am

Leggs – I hope he didn’t call you back because he was embarrassed. SMH

Dream – Hey there! Like your post. Especially about not worrying about what others think because they don’t have to live with your choice. Folks can sit back all day and comment on your relationship and what you OUGHT to do, but they are not the ones in it.

Lady~

November 2nd, 2011
11:18 am

I must admit I take very few risk which isn’t good bc I become complacent…… that is a personalty flaw I recognize……hell starting back grad school wasn’t easy for me especially since I started three times in my twenties and fail……I am just looking at the amount of time and dedication one will have to give to medical school and the children that are involved and everything in between………….but through faith I know it can be done….the physical eye is tricky!

Fion

November 2nd, 2011
11:20 am

@ Lady

Cool. Cool. Not saying you were giving ultimatums, but more of the story line. Sometimes you’ve got to go through it, too get to it.

…..and like birthday cake in a room with a fat boy, I’m gone.
….

Exiled!

November 2nd, 2011
11:23 am

Lady?

Has he asked u out?

Or u just talking and u are salivating on ur own coz he happens to tie all thats on ur checklist…?

Lady~

November 2nd, 2011
11:23 am

cool I did pick that up too thanks so much too!!!

Celisea

November 2nd, 2011
11:24 am

Shuddup Melloo

Lady~

November 2nd, 2011
11:25 am

we’ve been out sir why……you are too funny……..smh I am not that pressed either I am taking it slow

kimmie

November 2nd, 2011
11:25 am

Lady – Is this someone you just met? That could be a factor too. Have you asked him straight out how he plans to do it? That could relieve some of your concerns.

It really will be a test of faith, even with the best laid plans. You have to be honest with yourself and him and decide if you are up to it.

Celisea

November 2nd, 2011
11:25 am

Leggs – Wow, that’s just crazy.

Leggs

November 2nd, 2011
11:26 am

@Ex/SexyC ~ I’m realizing this. Why is this crazy stuff happening to me? I most certainly recognize I’m the common denominator in all this, but I haven’t been given a chance to f…..up anything yet! :wink:

OM Goodness, just saw the IS! Cute!

@kimmie ~ he hasn’t called back.

Leggs

November 2nd, 2011
11:27 am

I will say this, one MUST, absolutely MUST have a thick skin.

Leggs

November 2nd, 2011
11:28 am

Never mind, kimmie, I think that’s the reason too.

MzNewy

November 2nd, 2011
11:32 am

@ Dan. I never said we don’t have friction. What I said it just fits without force. He is the ying to my yang. no we don’t share a brain or anything like that. Instead we accept each other as we are….we have that fire and spark…after all these years I still get the butterflies in my stomach when I see him. He still makes my heart pound an extra beat or two. He is the love of my life. Fit without force is just like loving your job…it doesn’t seem like work because you enjoy it.

Lady~

November 2nd, 2011
11:34 am

Kimmie its fairly new……..we are just discussing our goals and values and this was his……..

Randyt (aka...Been There, Done That, Have a Closet Full of T-Shirts)

November 2nd, 2011
11:35 am

Dayum Leggs…was he looking for a Sugar Mama? I know that has to hurt to have one’s hopes dashed like that. As for the guy, I’ve been busted flat and up to my azzz in debt too, but I had no problem understanding at that time why I wasn’t being welcomed with open arms by desirable ladies. As painful as it is, there are times when one (and I’ve been there) has to accept reality and watch the game from the sidelines until one’s situtation improves.

THE INFAMOUS DK

November 2nd, 2011
11:37 am

Lady – Fear is the devil. You have to step out on faith. Listen. I was with my former company for 14 years. Out of fear. I left and havent looked back. I’ve not only doubled my salary and have the opportunity to learn again. I feel like Im adding value again. If he wants to step out on faith, then he will. God will make a way. If he believes it will happen. Cause what God has for you its yours. IE: I had been interviewing for months and when it came time for the job for me. I inteviewed and got the job the next day. A perfect fit. I had asked God to give me something close enough to my sons school and not in alpharetta cause thats where most tech jobs are. And all my prayers were answered. So……

Randyt (aka...Been There, Done That, Have a Closet Full of T-Shirts)

November 2nd, 2011
11:40 am

Sorry for the marriage issue DK, but liked your attitude about the job. Most of us have had that “Where’s God” moment, and why is he standing up in the clouds with his hands in his pockets…but things change when they are meant to. It’s all good.

Lady~

November 2nd, 2011
11:41 am

Look @ you DK!!!!! you made me smile!!!!! I am happy for you!

SexyCool

November 2nd, 2011
11:42 am

I’m sure buddy had been on dates where the chick didn’t give him the side eye for not paying the check and not having a car. Seems as if he was able to judge by Leggs’ response that er, um…yeah…no…that was NOT cool with her; hence his reason for not contacting her again.

DreamsMaterialize

November 2nd, 2011
11:45 am

kimmie How are you this morning? Things are busy, but good on my end. I don’t worry about what other people think, and I never try to discourage anyone from wanting what they want.

Lady How have you been? Good to see you on. When I was in grad school, I had a buddy in med school who was married and going through a divorce. Before they got engaged, he told her that med school was in his plans and that it would be VERY demanding in terms of resources, time, emotional investment, etc. He told her that he wanted to marry her and be with her forever, but that he would understand if she wanted out…no hard feelings. She swore up and down she was ok with it, so they got married and moved to Ann Arbor when he started school. Two years in, she told him that it wasn’t “what she signed up for” and that she couldn’t handle the med school lifestyle (even though he warned her before hand). This is a good example of someone not being honest about what they want or are willing to put up with. Just be honest with yourself about what you expect out of your situation.

THE INFAMOUS DK

November 2nd, 2011
11:45 am

Randy – Oh my marriage is no longer a source of ill feelings with me.. Im totally great with that situation.. Its funny cause my EX and i are really good friends these days and i value you that more than anything.. So dont feel sorry for me.. Im being entertained very well.. Trust me. I just know who I am and what I need to get by these days..

Kym

November 2nd, 2011
11:50 am

Morning All,

Not much to contribute today. @Leggs..funny..I think I am more bothered by the no car thang..than the dutch lunch. Seriously dude!?…but ok

THE INFAMOUS DK

November 2nd, 2011
11:53 am

Ummm I dont know what ya’ll are reading.. I guess Ive gone soft or something..

Revolver (2007) Andre Benjamin and Jason Staham is a great movie..

Lady~

November 2nd, 2011
11:55 am

Hi there DreamsM!!!! Look @ you reading between the lines!!!! The fear is with myself and how much can I honestly invest in this setup if it was to flourish….it sounds great on paper but the execution who the hell knows…….the selfish part of me totally wants him to do med school bc I am selfishly finishing my graduate degree and will dismiss anyone who doesn’t want to sign up on my plan of being busy and unavailable…….but the realistic side am I truly ready to embrace someone else dreams and goals…..am I truly ready to hold on tight and peruse that relationship that will in turn go to marriage bc on paper we both want to remarry but truly am I ready is the underlying FEAR factor. I scared no lie!

Lady~

November 2nd, 2011
11:56 am

On paper its an easy A+ like duh hell yeah lets do this! but my realty halts me…….smh

Into the Light

November 2nd, 2011
11:56 am

Morning, all!

@Leggs: :shock:

Not much to contribute today, but I’m enjoying reading y’all….

kimmie

November 2nd, 2011
11:58 am

Dreams – I’m good this lovely morn. Good to read ya!

I’ve seen that scenario you wrote about your med school friend quite a bit. Even saw one just like yours with it being the guy who couldn’t deal with his wife going to med school. They divorced 2 years in. Though I must say, a lot of what I saw were cases where the lady stuck by the guy thru med school and residency, only to have him break it off when he started to see the fruits of his labor. I don’t want to be discouraging, but my parents saw it happen that way quite a bit.

disco

November 2nd, 2011
12:00 pm

leggs – funny date story. not that he was waiting for his ride. he should have offered to walk you to your car and you would have never had to know he was without a car. (not that I condone deceit but I’m just saying).

Lady~

November 2nd, 2011
12:02 pm

I just don’t want to start a pattern of letting good catches go…..and it seems that is what I am creating…..there is a saying that you will know when it is right but EH! who knows right……

DreamsMaterialize

November 2nd, 2011
12:02 pm

I scared no lie!
Lady Hey that’s about as honest it gets. It’s ok though. As long as you make your choice without fear when the time comes, you’ll be just fine. Just keep living, taking each day as it comes…use time in your favor to gather the info and courage you need.

kimmie

November 2nd, 2011
12:02 pm

DK – Fear and complacency stops a lot of people from pursuing their dreams and those same fearful people often try to discourage others. Misery loves company.

Lady~

November 2nd, 2011
12:03 pm

Thanks so much DreamsM!!!!! That meant much!!!!! :)

Lady~

November 2nd, 2011
12:06 pm

well Kimmie! no discouraging here he is going to medical school without me or my approval I was just pondering my standpoint but anyway with your assessment I am not miserable with where I am I am just not in a hurry to jump out there again and fall flat like I have………its my process and I am just truthful about it

kimmie

November 2nd, 2011
12:08 pm

Lady – He sounds like a keeper. I love folks that dream BIG and go for it!

Lady~

November 2nd, 2011
12:09 pm

I know he really does!!!! *blushes* :) Thanks chica

Leggs

November 2nd, 2011
12:10 pm

@Randyt ~ like I said, one must have a thick skin. Doing my best not to let any of these MIAs linger too much, but it’s not a pleasant feeling. Nothing wrong with trying to date, but if you can’t afford to, don’t.

@SexyC ~ I can hide my emotions fairly well, but when he said he was waiting for his ride, it took everything in me not to pivot and walk the F….out of there without another word. I tried to be a lady and simply said “I hope you don’t have to wait long, bye” turned and left. I walked to my car somewhat down because he could have said this a long time ago. I was so busy making sure I don’t ask “what type of car” he drives that I forgot to ask if he has a car! Not everyone in their 50’s have a car. All of this is crazy to me, but I’m just now getting my feet wet. What I need to do is get more than my big black toe in the door before yanking it back.

kimmie

November 2nd, 2011
12:13 pm

Lady – You don’t sound miserable at all. I think what you are doing and considering sounds exciting actually. I wouldn’t put you in the “misery loves company” crowd at all.

I know people that sit back and will criticize folk like DK. They’ll say, “why would he leave a job of 14 years?”. DK didn’t just sit and complain, he took action and started looking for something he wanted and got it, whereas a lot of folk would have just stayed put, miserable and broke and took it out on others around them. I’m all to familiar with people like that.

Exiled!

November 2nd, 2011
12:18 pm

Does he like u like that Lady…he confirms that.?

34,divorced with two kids is young.

He must have been married early

Going to med school

Hmmmmm,personally I would advise u to hold tight to ur heart.

He’s gonna change once he sees what’s there in med school

Lotta of options for him

my brotherly advice

Lady~

November 2nd, 2011
12:18 pm

you are correct those folks are out there…….I feel you and thanks for seeing my POV!!!! I like yours too trust! I do support your POV too that there are many happy solid couples out there making it happen…..I hope to be in that mix soon! I am a believer!

Exiled!

November 2nd, 2011
12:20 pm

And besides,u got Big doubts urself

Ur sixth sense is telling u

But ur flesh is pounding

:lol:

Lady~

November 2nd, 2011
12:20 pm

OK I am a catch too I am 32 recently divorced and raising my credentials so we are both in the same place. yes we are attracted to each other and want to continue the pursuit….it is on us to make it happen but I am def a catch as well like him…….I am not selling myself short I meet all kinds and race of men all the time too…

SlimNu

November 2nd, 2011
12:20 pm

Trying to catch up and thaw my fingers out…

Exiled – In my world, 8 kids is 8 kids, I don’t care how many baby mama’s there are. I’m sure he wouldn’t be open to having a kid with me and frankly I can’t say I’d be enthused about having a 9th one with him. That’s a whole lot of child support. I mean, damn!…who has a whole team of kids these days?

DK – Glad to hear you’re finding clarity and are happy. :-D