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What are irreconcilable differences, anyway?

If you have not heard the shocking news, a reality tv show star is divorcing her athlete husband of a whopping 72 days. I know, it’s become downright strange to watch the circus that is surrounding this entire pop culture phenomenon. You are probably like me, tired of seeing the letter K, right?

I have read a lot of commentary about this entertainment news story, but I can’t figure out why people are trying to find meaning in it. I mean, the behavior of celebrities and public figures doesn’t always reflect on what we do and think in the real world does it?

In this case, though, I have to acknowledge that a lot of us are marrying for the wrong reasons and many are divorcing quite quickly. There even seemed to be a trend of having “starter marriages” to sort of try on marriage like it’s something we may or may not keep. When things don’t go like we want or expect, then everyone likes to site irreconcilable differences. A legal term that is about as vague as Herman Cain’s debate responses.

What are irreconcilable differences, anyway? It seems that going into a marriage with a distorted view of what marriage is supposed to be has convinced us that it’s not worth the work it takes to make it last.

Do you think that you know – definitively, what is irreconcilable to you? Would you be able to know when it is clearly over?

Why do you think our marriages have such weak foundations (not referring to the Hollywood ones) today that cause them to come undone?

By Wise Diva, Misadventure in Atlanta Dating Blog

246 comments Add your comment

Love and Life

November 1st, 2011
8:06 am

SlimNu

November 1st, 2011
8:23 am

Good morning all,

All these tv marriages/reality marriages surely doesn’t fall into the line of “Good publicity”. Call me brainwashed, call me crazy but I am still one of the few who have hope in the state of marriage. So it doesn’t make me feel good to see it being taken so lightly or ‘tried on’ like a pair of shoes at a department store.

As far as what is “irreconcilable” to me would probably fall somewhere along the lines of abuse, incest, murder etc…On the radio this morning they were discussing some of the shortest marriages, and what could possibly happen in such a short period of time that would make a person throw in the towel so soon. We never really know the real deal behind the scenes story so it’s hard to say if that makes sense or not. Seems as if you should spend more time trying to get to know your partner, than filling that time up wedding planning, or else before you know it, you’re waking up realizing you’re “Sleeping with the Enemy”.

It doesn’t seem like we take anything too seriously these days. It’s all becoming watered down, like a clone of a clone of a clone…a copy of a copy of a copy. Houston, we’ve been compromised. *sigh*

Harder...please.

November 1st, 2011
8:37 am

Lack of communication – the root cause of all irreconcilable problems and weak marriage foundations.

Mike P

November 1st, 2011
8:56 am

@WD: “A legal term that is about as vague as Herman Cain’s debate responses.” A cheap shot WD, and you know it.

GracieL

November 1st, 2011
8:58 am

Here’s an example from my starter marriage: One of you remains sober most of the time, opting to enjoy alco-beverages in moderation from time to time, and the other one starts hammering cold ones at 5 PM every weekday (10 AM weekends), goes through the brief, happy, beer-in-hand phase before settling into the mean/violent stage for several hours, then passing out cold at 9:30. Moderate drinker is responsible for hauling multiple can-filled recycle bins to curb every week. (Tip: Praying every night, “Dear God please help me be a good wife and make this work!” is pointless.)

The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior

November 1st, 2011
9:00 am

@Harder

I would revise that to the lack of [desire] to communicate.

We all walk around with our preconceived notions of other people’s motivations (usually a projection of our own – but that’s another discussion).

When you’re in a relationship (married or not) understanding your SO’s motivation is a key element in daily happiness; and that comes via communication – more appropriately – the desire to communicate.

When the differences become “irreconcilable” is when one partner decides to stop communicating. This can stem from a variety of reasons but the lack of willingness to ‘talk things out’ is pretty much the end of any relationship.

Corrollary: think of the friend that keeps going back to a disfunctional relationship, yet asks you for help and ignores your warnings. Eventually, you’ll get tired of talking about it; and that friend kinda fades from your life.

Sorry for the long post.

‘Sup SlimGoodie: howyoubeendoinShawty

SlimNu

November 1st, 2011
9:03 am

Dan – Howdy, and how are things in your world? I’m good now. Sunday and Monday I spent the day puking due to something I ate. Outside of that TMI, everything is business as usual. ;-)

Kym

November 1st, 2011
9:07 am

Morning,

yes..yes I am tired of the letter K. I mean I don’t know how the media gives this any press..but alas..got to give the people want. Irreconcilable differences means to mean…flat out your behavior is beyond anything I have ever had to deal with, and after many many many tries of trying to straighten it out. I want to get as far away from this joker as possible.

Marriages today really have to do alot with the current generations that are working and living now. Traditionalist, Baby Boomer, Generation Xers and Millennials. And each has a different approach on how they view marriage. My group the Gen X-ers I believe have a better
chance of making it last, than those in the Millennial group because well..most of them are all about the bling and the flash of the marriage. They want the production and the show..and are not willing to put in the work. I mean look at who they have to look too as role models. BB wives(only one is married) Real Housewives of Atlanta(again I think only one is really married and then her hubby..well he is suspect) but I digress…

I have a few more indepth thoughts on this but my caffine has not kicked in.

Kym

November 1st, 2011
9:10 am

See..lack of caffine.. should have read..Irreconcilable differences means to me…

Lady~

November 1st, 2011
9:12 am

Morning!!! Harder…..please great post!

Varinia

November 1st, 2011
9:13 am

I think it goes along with today’s throw-away society. If your tv breaks – you buy a new one. Sock has a hole – who still darns? An employee doesn’t agree with you, even if they’ve been with the company for 40 years? Just fire them and replace with younger and cheaper.

Overall, it’s all about instant gratification today and that includes relationships/marriages being expected to be perfect – or get rid of it – there are always 10 more perfect people on ‘match’

Lady~

November 1st, 2011
9:13 am

I divorced on irreconcilable differences…..GA divorce laws are simple where as in SC and I think NC I would have to be separated a year….ga 30 days………

Randyt (aka...Been There, Done That, Have a Closet Full of T-Shirts)

November 1st, 2011
9:17 am

1) The “trial” mentality (as in “I’ll give it a try but…”)

2) “Expectations” rather than “desires and hopes” (the whole you OWE me mentality and the me, me, me generational attitude)

3) “Loving” more than “liking” (takes just a pulse to fall in love, but it takes really getting to know someone to recognize that you “like” and have things in common with the other. Love will come and go, but if you each actually continue to like each other you can weather the inevitable storms easier)

4) LACK OF MUTUAL RESPECT (If respect is absent or one-sided, sooner or later the “disrespected” party will start to build a resentment wall a brick at a time…I GUARANTEE it and have a t-shirt to show)

Marriage is hard work under the best of circumstances, but without these four elements, it is dangerously close to a guaranteed failure.

Alphare

November 1st, 2011
9:19 am

it’s really a personal preference or priority. For example, some people cannot tolerate others for being lazy. Some people cannot tolerate others for being vulgar.

It’s all about taking what as it is.

Peaches

November 1st, 2011
9:19 am

@The man formerly know as Dan – still…Superior
Well put!! I am that woman who keeps going back… he has walked three times now without ever trying to communicate what might be wrong! His latest excuse “we are just too different” after saying he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me! Fortunate for me, we were never married!

Lady~

November 1st, 2011
9:20 am

randy good post!

Cain 2012

November 1st, 2011
9:21 am

Why do you have to take a shot at Herman Cain?? you racist!

Kym

November 1st, 2011
9:22 am

@RandyT..good post!

Chip

November 1st, 2011
9:22 am

I worked in television for 25 years. There is nothing “real” about these shows — everything is planned in advance. Sometimes the producers manipulate the weak dysfunctional subjects, or sometimes the producers and subjects collaborate, to create the sick high-school “drama” that appeals to the pathetic lost souls who actually watch this garbage.

I suspect the Kardasahians fall into the second category… I’ve no doubt the “marriage” and now the “divorce” have been planned for some time by everyone involved, since they’re all going to make gigabucks off this vile nonsense.

By the way… most of the professional technical crews who work on these kinds of shows have a unique disgust and contempt for the regular viewers. The pros will, amongst themselves, refer to these shows as “s**t-shows” and “loser-vision”…..all the while making their paychecks by creating them… which goes to show that Hunter S Thompson was right… “Television is a shallow money trench; a cheap plastic hallway where pimps and thieves run free, and good men die like dogs.”

MsMarriedUp

November 1st, 2011
9:33 am

Good Morning…and yes Randy, that’s a nice one!

Otherwise my list may have gone something like this…

“I’m bored.” “He raised his voice at me.” “She’s too controlling.” “Nags too much.” “Took off her make-up.” “OMG! Found out He snores!” …you know stuff like that…

Married Dude

November 1st, 2011
9:38 am

I think that a lot of marriages have weak foundations because of two things:

1) Lack of commitment. Too many people go into marriage thinking that if they aren’t “happy” or if “it doesn’t work out” then they will simply get a divorce. Most marriages can be fixed if you acknowledge it soon enough and take some sort of action.

2) Not knowing how to be a good husband or a good wife. This is something that needs to be taught but isn’t. Too many people nowadays have grown up in dysfunctional homes so they have no idea what a non-dysfunctional marriage even looks like, let along how to make one.

Robert

November 1st, 2011
9:39 am

“What are irreconcilable differences?”

As a child we all remember the story of “humty-dumty” who sat on a wall and had a great fall. All the Kings horses and all the Kings men could not put “humpty” back together again. “Humpty” was a fragile egg that broke. Just like relationships sometimes we can never repair or replace the damage caused by our love, lust and desire.

Lady~

November 1st, 2011
9:41 am

Just like relationships sometimes we can never repair or replace the damage caused by our love, lust and desire. <——indeed robert

Trizzle

November 1st, 2011
9:42 am

I’d like to have a real long lasting marriage one day…I still have hopes. I started with one that I thought was going to last, and even after trying to save it (he said he didnt want the responsibility of a marriage anymore) it just wasn’t going to work. I believe in death due us part, but not when his willywonka is dipping into someone elses oven! There are some things I can tolerate, but it’s time to go when that happens! I will not be disrespected just to save a marriage that would never last anyways. :(

Optimus Prime

November 1st, 2011
9:43 am

I think WD would better put it “….as vague as Obama’s reasons for not following through with all of the promises he made just so the sheeple would vote for him when he knew he couldn’t accomplish them.” Cheap shot, WD.

Leggs

November 1st, 2011
9:43 am

Why do you think our marriages have such weak foundations (not referring to the Hollywood ones). = Distorted views on what it takes to make a marriage successful. Seems like many think once the festivities are over and real life begin they look around at their time alone and become bored with the quietness, the mundance routine (so they may think) of two growing together. The first sign of discord have many running, or rather tumbling down the hill to get away.

Weak foundations simply mean they weren’t on the same page to begin with!

THE INFAMOUS DK

November 1st, 2011
9:44 am

I remember feeling like that song middle class rut – new low when i was married.. Our differences were becoming a drag on my life.. I didnt recognize myself anymore.. There were songs i listened to music during that time and it was dark.. Like Nine Inch Nails – Everyday is exactly the same. Or Hurt by Nine inch nails later Johhny Cash.. “I hurt myself today. To see if I still feel..”

I have no space
No room to move around
And this box is getting smaller
I’m trying to get out

How did I get so far
From where I was
When did I decide
To lose my way
Who have I become

I’ve got a new low
All 52 cards in a row
I see now that I won’t let go
No I won’t let go

Well who am I?
A cold shoulder left to cry
You feel bow-wow so do I
Yeah so do I

I’ve been right; I’ve been left
I’ve been wrong; I’ve been left behind
I’ve been up but mostly down

The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior

November 1st, 2011
9:44 am

@Randy

When I was dating, that “fantasy” vs “reality” about relationships – let alone marriage – was sooo key in the demise of most of those encounters.

And, I’ve said from the git-green that liking my wife was definitely a key to us getting together.

As far as the other two points, all 4 you presented have IMO a common theme, folks not taking the time to have real life conversations. Stuff about bills, cooking, shopping, cleaning, what they want that relationship to be… I mean, I’m all for “let thing flow,” but without defined expectations (or the ability to communicate those expectations), relationships ‘flow’ into isht slowly.

@Slim – thanks for the image. I have been dreaming of fish….you sure…

oneofeach4me

November 1st, 2011
9:46 am

Yeah Randy said it extremely well this morning. Taking advice from someone who has been there, done that, and has t-shirts to prove it is pretty easy!

I just want to add that Alphare has a good point too. In any relationship or marriage EVERYONE will come with some sort of baggage. Whether it’s emotional baggage, or childhood baggage, college baggage, you get my drift. It’s all about who’s baggage you are willing to put up with the most. Not to say marriages shouldn’t be happy, majority of the time they should be. But don’t for one second walk down that isle during the “newness” phase and think that everyday will be like that one. Reality of marriage is, you have to work at it EVERYDAY. So make sure that when you do walk down the isle with that person, you take it seriously and know that you will try everything you can to the point of exhaustion before you walk away.

sfw

November 1st, 2011
9:47 am

Romance movies and books give women the wrong idea of what a relationship should be and porn has the same effect on guys :)

Leggs

November 1st, 2011
9:47 am

Good morning!

THE INFAMOUS DK

November 1st, 2011
9:48 am

Yeah but as i look back over it… Should we have gotten a divorce. yes but not for the reasons i thought at the time. We shouldve gotten a divorce because we never shouldve gotten married in the first place. Yeah we loved each other but we were doing it for the wrong reasons. We looked good together on paper. We were the IT couple that had their ish together.. But both of us were selfish beyond means and type A personalities that would not give an inch edge wise. When there is a type A personality in the relationship.. Somebody has to take a back seat. A type A personality usually cant be in the back seat and if they are they wont be for long.

THE INFAMOUS DK

November 1st, 2011
9:49 am

Morning everybody!!

oneofeach4me

November 1st, 2011
9:49 am

“2) Not knowing how to be a good husband or a good wife. This is something that needs to be taught but isn’t. Too many people nowadays have grown up in dysfunctional homes so they have no idea what a non-dysfunctional marriage even looks like, let along how to make one.”

Now THAT is a serious issue!!! I know that if I had been shown what a non-dysfunctional marriage looks like, it could have been easier. I had to learn and so did my partner, which is why it took us being together for 11 years before we got to the point of “divorce is not an option”.

The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior

November 1st, 2011
9:49 am

@Leggs/DK

Folks kill me talking about marriage like it’s something from a tv or movie.

The main piece of advice I got before getting hitched was to realize (and help her realize) that things aren’t always gone be fun and games; nor are they meant to be.

My uncle asked me: “what happens on a cold Friday night, when after the bills are paid, y’all have to sit there and talk to each other? Thought about that?”

Yeah, that isht crazy on what some folks think marriage is.

SlimNu

November 1st, 2011
9:54 am

In life, no matter how you try to avoid it, at some point some of the things you do will fall into a routine of sorts. Are we all just living for the “Honeymoon Period”? IF so, then marriage definitely will not be for you, nor will any long term relationship. Plus, many of the ones complaining of this probably isn’t trying to contribute much on keeping it interesting other than looking outside for that stimulation.

Dan – You must just be craving fish because this Slim Jim isn’t not ‘with child’. This I KNOW for sure. ;-) But when or IF that happens, I will definitely send you and the MRS a baby shower invite because, afterall, it takes a village to raise a baby….and lots of gifts :lol:

DK- Damn dawg, those are some strong lyrics…

THE INFAMOUS DK

November 1st, 2011
9:54 am

Dan the Automator – I find its useless talking to someone whos never been married about marriage. You will never know what it is until youre in it.. These words “But youre my wife/But youre my husband” changes everything. The expectations on what everybody thinks should be happening changes..

THE INFAMOUS DK

November 1st, 2011
9:57 am

Oh married one

November 1st, 2011
9:57 am

Dan, you just got in it. No matter the advice given, at this state you know nothing yet. When you’ve gone a few years down the road of good times and bad, come back then and tell us what you think. Get into the long haul of it all and THEN tell us what you think.

THE INFAMOUS DK

November 1st, 2011
10:00 am

Marriage is ebs and flows. Your marriage has to be “SKRONG” enough to survive the valleys. Keep folks out ya business and deal with each other.

Lady~

November 1st, 2011
10:00 am

wow interesting……chuckle

lucinda

November 1st, 2011
10:02 am

“Irreconcilable differences” =

1. Domestic Violence
2. Drug addiction
3. Child Molestation

It takes years and years to “recover” from any of these, and an amazingly strong will to do so. Sucess rates for recovery are abysmal. Any of these three is “irreconcilable” in my book. Not only is the chance of “recovery” almost nill, but I’d always wonder WHY that person ever stepped into any of these behaviors in the first place,

Jump on me about ‘committment’ if you want, but any of these 3 guarantee I walk away.

Innocent Bystander

November 1st, 2011
10:04 am

American Standard Dictionary: Irreconcilable [Layhme Exque-suh]

Adjective. Lack of interest in expending effort to achieve a desired result. See also Shallow and Lazy.

Leggs

November 1st, 2011
10:04 am

Exactly, Dan!

Someone like K probably realized that now she can’t come and go the way she wants. She has some to answer to as he (and I don’t mean this in a negative way). There are checks and balances in all relationships. If you aren’t accountable to that person, or you don’t even want to be, then you need to remain alone. It’s a give an take. Heck, she knew he wasn’t working or whatever the gripe was before they got married. 72 days is no time in the real world. Must be an eternity in make-believe land of Hollywood.

The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior

November 1st, 2011
10:04 am

@DK – Unc been married since before I was a gleam in my momma’s eye, so yeah, I trust him.

@Oh married – “Everybody has a plan, til they get hit” – Mike Tyson. It shouldn’t take me getting knocked out to know how to avoid the right/left combo.

Point is, wether one week or 100, sometimes seeing life objectively helps.

Thanks for the advice, I’ll keep posting as I choose and you do the same.

Lady~

November 1st, 2011
10:06 am

shallow and lazy are good descriptors IB!

Lady~

November 1st, 2011
10:07 am

Vet 101

November 1st, 2011
10:07 am

@Cain 2012 – Truth is All Conservatives are Liberal behind closed doors. Get over it!

The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior

November 1st, 2011
10:08 am

From what I heard on the Bert show, simply isht like:

He wanted kids, she didn’t,

He wanted to live in Minnesota, she didn’t,

He wanted her to have his last name, she didn’t;

^^are things that should be discussed before thinking about asking the question, IMO. Sounds like either they bout as shallow as a puddle, or Chip had a point.

THE INFAMOUS DK

November 1st, 2011
10:09 am

Dan – well you have to have someone you can talk to but I would leave it to counseling. An unbiased opinion. You never want Unc to know the inner workings of your home because one day somethings might happen that make Unc really not like your wife. You guys wouldve made up and everything is peachy but in Unc’s eye that chick aint ish.. So keep it surface with Unc and get counseling if you need it. It works.

Randyt (aka...Been There, Done That, Have a Closet Full of T-Shirts)

November 1st, 2011
10:16 am

In all my way to dayum many more years than I thought i would be around, I’ve noticed only a few couples who I really thought had it right. i’ve seen some that stayed together, but that is different. The two most common themes that I saw in the ones who had it right were, as mentioned above:

Mutual Respect and Genuine Liking of Each Other. Even after years of being together.

The couple that I knew tha most totally got it right truly loved, liked, and depended on each other right up to her premature death of cancer in her early 50s. I guess the rest of us get a longer period to try and finally get it right.

The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior

November 1st, 2011
10:16 am

@DK

Definitely.

Unc did for me what he did for my cousins: begin with “talk to your wife/husband first, but these are some things to think about when having a discussion, based on my years and my marriage…”

We all some equivocating someguns

Chris

November 1st, 2011
10:20 am

No one else is responsible for YOUR happiness. “Happy” is fleeting. Happiness depends on what is happening. You should get joy out of serving your wife or husband and seeing them happy if you live them. Marriage and love is not about YOU but the other person. Most marriages fall apart for selfishness and otters projecting how they think the other person should be and communicate like they do.

Josh

November 1st, 2011
10:21 am

I believe people can change and that can make someone go from a great spouse to a lousy one or it can make someone go from a lousy spouse to a great one. But I think a huge proportion of divorces are over issues that didn’t enter the respective marriages somewhere along the way but rather were there all along. The truth that, much to my great bewilderment, I rarely hear anyone mention is that there is a sizeable percentage of people who are not nearly emotionally healthy enough to be in good marriages. Is it our “build everyone up” society that doesn’t want to admit that there are numerous people who shouldn’t be getting married until they first get themselves straightened out? If we would start by recognizing that an individual needs to be content in himself/herself before there is even a chance he/she can bring the right approach to a marriage, we might have a shot at turning the tide on our epidemic of divorce. But right now there are far too many people looking for someone else to make them happy (surprise: it doesn’t work that way!) and as long as that continues, so will disillusionment with marriage and, accordingly, divorce.

SlimNu

November 1st, 2011
10:23 am

Correction on my 9:54 – Should read that Slim Jim is NOT with child.

HST

November 1st, 2011
10:23 am

As far as a starter marriage goes, statistically it has a better chance than a second marriage. It’s 50% for the first and 60% for the second marriage to end in divorce. Not great odds and I think those statistics certainly play on the value of marriage.

Irreconcilable Differences – I’m over it and can walk away if I choose.

Marriages have weak foundations because it doesn’t have the same value it once did. No fault states, compensation to start your new life, easy access to singles, on-line social media and society’s new way to live as they choose has all led to the degradation of the institute of marriage. I don’t see how marriage, religion and an idealistic way of life have room in today’s society. I’m not really sure that today’s society has the value system for marriage to continue as it once was.

Kym

November 1st, 2011
10:24 am

You know what this topic reminded me of..READ THE FINE PRINT..whenver people go well I didn’t know it was going to be this hard..I didn’t know he or she was like that..yeah you did. We put on our love shades and any foolishness we just bypass. READ THE FINE PRINT..look deeper..

Leggs

November 1st, 2011
10:26 am

@Josh, you make an excellent point. Too many are looking for someone to make them happy.

No can make me happy unless I’m happy with myself. I don’t need anyone to compliment, I’m already complete. We all should seek a mate where each other’s lives will be enriched through mutual respect, honesty, friendship, and genuinely wanting to be with that person. All things will fall in place if work is put in by both parties.

oneofeach4me

November 1st, 2011
10:30 am

@DK ~ I agree with keeping your marriage problems quiet or discussing them with a counselor unless you have a very special person in your life that doesn’t take sides, but that believes what’s right is right and what’s wrong is wrong. See, I can forgive my hubby much faster than say, my sister, because she is partial to me. Then, before you know it, you have people in your ear telling you what you shouldn’t put up with and what you should do. If it gets to that point, you will kick yourself in the arse for allowing someone else to make your decisions for you or pressure you instead of you making your own choice.

Randyt (aka...Been There, Done That, Have a Closet Full of T-Shirts)

November 1st, 2011
10:31 am

@ Dan,,,re: Uncles.

My Uncle Billy was my father figure after my own father died when I was 7. He was one of the ’street wisest’ and most pragmatic people I have ever known, and decades later I still think about a few of his “isms” almost daily.

Re: Marriage …”you are tieing a knot with your tongue, that both hands and both feet will have a hard time untying” (he was right, t-shirt).

Re: Sympathy…”you can always find sympathy. It is in Webster’s Collegiate Dictionary between ’sh!t and syphil!s. (got that t-shirt many times)

Re: Complaining…”it doesn’t do you any good to complain, because statistically 85% of the people you complain to DON’T CARE, and the other 15% are actually GLAD that you are miserable. (Got a few of those too).

Re: Plumbing (and I later figured out he was not talking about plumbing totally but life)…”hot is on the left, cold is on the right, and sh!t runs downhill).

I’ve carried those truisms in my head for decades and when I remember them, all becomes clearer!!!

sfw

November 1st, 2011
10:39 am

Marriage is the number one cause for divorce lol

Leggs

November 1st, 2011
10:41 am

Without the means to divorce, there be no divorce rate lol

sfw

November 1st, 2011
10:42 am

Exactly Leggs

Randyt (aka...Been There, Done That, Have a Closet Full of T-Shirts)

November 1st, 2011
10:42 am

@ sfw…you may be on to something. It does seem that almost all of the couples I knew that divorced had gotten married. Seems like a common theme.

SlimNu

November 1st, 2011
10:42 am

Not to get all wrapped up in reality show weddings/marriages, but I wonder what will come of the Gene Simmons and Shannon Tweed recent nuptials after being unmarried for 28years. He swore all this time by his stance of not falling into the Institution of Marriage. His kids, even though are happy that he finally chose to go through the ceremony, still appear skeptical on whether or not he (Gene) is going to take it seriously. I’m thinking at his age, how many bimbo’s, groupies etc can you sleep with before that gets old and wears on your body.

Pam Pam

November 1st, 2011
10:46 am

Many people select their husbands/Wives on superficial bases, failing to recognize that the foundation of marriage is a bond that transcends superficial. If a person selects a mate based upon superficial principles no amount of communication can save this type of marriage, because it wasn’t a real marriage in the first place. In our society we based an marriage legitimacy on a piece of paper when the foundation and the legitimacy of a real marriage begins long before the I do’s.

Exiled!

November 1st, 2011
10:48 am

What if the marriage counselor does not share the same perceptive with you two on some issues?

It’s also a hit and miss….one party is bound to stick by the counselor coz it’s in their favor the other,not so much.

It comes down to personal preferences,I guess.

Exiled!

November 1st, 2011
10:48 am

Good chilly morning.

SexyCool

November 1st, 2011
10:50 am

There is not anywhere in existence that the KnK trainwreck should even be included in the same sentence as a real marriage.

Lady~

November 1st, 2011
10:51 am

Exiled! great point…….i have a chapter to write on that subject……..

family counseling and relationship/marriage counseling are my least favorite in my graduate program…….family counseling is very difficult and to add marriage issues whew lawd #scary for me

Lady~

November 1st, 2011
10:52 am

Exiled! we just discussed the ethical ends of being bias in these cases and me having my strong opinions on certain issues I will be ineffective….naw not ready to counsel that group….

love my severe pathology disorders though smh

Kym

November 1st, 2011
10:53 am

@Leggs..don’t go posting stuff like that..it gives the conservatives ideas..

Celisea

November 1st, 2011
10:53 am

Late morning lovelies,

Kim K? ReallY? When reality tv becomes a gauge for comparison of anything, we’re in trouble as a country. That crew..i.e. family are nothing but opportunists. I fault “E” and all the other gossip shows for broadcasting that sham of a wedding. Not only did we have to endure that fiasco, now we have to live through every channel airing their divorce. Garbage.

I don’t have anything to add to the topic except we’re living in a microwave society. Truly.

Lady~

November 1st, 2011
10:56 am

when one person goes to counseling with their minds made up and the other is fighting for the marriage…..I think those who truly want to find a way to stay together will and those who want out will find their way out too………sigh…..OK I need something upbeat…….

Leggs

November 1st, 2011
10:56 am

“He swore all this time by his stance of not falling into the Institution of Marriage. His kids, even though are happy that he finally chose to go through the ceremony…”

@SlimNu ~ I feel, in this case, it’s all about the mindset that people truly believe you have to be married to make things official. Bet you $100 the marriage will fall apart simply because that “marriage certificate” complete befuddles people. Not sure what the voo doo is behind that piece of paper, but some don’t understand its significance. After 28 years of living together and everything seemed to be going smoothly, why get married. Hell, they’re both old as dirt, well he is.

SlimNu

November 1st, 2011
10:56 am

we’re living in a microwave society

Well how would we incite a desire to go back to our slow cooker/oven type society?

Exiled!

November 1st, 2011
10:59 am

My preferred method of marriage counseling (for really serious issues)is to have somebody u both trust in her family and his to intercede,separately or jointly.
That way,you are incorporating the views of people that u trust and respect and that share the same family traditions/mores on such issues in your family.

Counseling is not for that auntie/uncle with the gift of chatter.

Definitely Not!

SlimNu

November 1st, 2011
10:59 am

After 28 years of living together and everything seemed to be going smoothly, why get married

Leggs – Well, everything wasn’t going smoothly. They went through numerous counseling sessions and even the son stated he feels that none of this would’ve taken place had his dad not gotten caught. I think Shannon got tired of his lifestyle and left. Once Gene saw how ‘important’ he felt it was to have her around, only then, did he begin to turn his thinking around. But again, it all remains to be seen yet. Too soon to really tell. He’s a ‘rockstar’ and lives a rockstar life. Not sure if that ever goes away.

Kym

November 1st, 2011
11:01 am

@Slim I am not for going backwards..sorry but that back to the simple way of life might work for somethings..but if it means I have to go all the way back and hear about a woman’s place is in the home..yeah..I am going to be… #OWDC and #OWS Viva la Revolution..baby.

The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior

November 1st, 2011
11:02 am

@Randy

I’ve been fortunate enough to have people in my life that want to offer advice, based on their mistakes in life.

And, quite frankly, I’ve been smart enough to listen.

Kym

November 1st, 2011
11:02 am

Wasnt Shannon Tweed a porn star? See Hollyweird has their own set of rules..

Sharica

November 1st, 2011
11:03 am

There problem is people are not getting to know the people who they with. Friendship is key to any marriage because it allows you to like the person who you are with. A friend is somebody who shares in your up and downs, somebody who you talk to about anything, and someone who is going to love you for you. All I am saying is, just get to know the person who you are with before you go jumping in the bed with them. It will make your marriage that much stronger and last just that longer.

Celisea

November 1st, 2011
11:04 am

Well how would we incite a desire to go back to our slow cooker/oven type society?

Principles, morals, selflessness, compromise, so forth and so

Leggs

November 1st, 2011
11:06 am

@SlimNu ~ when I said everything was going smoothly in 28 yrs. didn’t mean literally. Of course there were ups and downs, some big, some gigantic and some small. Apparently, all tolerable because they’re still together after 28 years. Why spoil it by getting married. Legally to ensure dividends are properly hashed out is the only reason I can see. But, that’s me.

SexyCool

November 1st, 2011
11:07 am

Got my regular route done this morning. Looks like I’ll be running again this afternoon. (lol)

Celisea

November 1st, 2011
11:11 am

It’s not about yesteryear or “going back” per se, morals and ethics and principles should be a means for living and the basis for living. Not about telling folks what to do. I don’t believe in that either but I do believe there’s only one lead role and two folks can’t occupy at the same time.

Leggs

November 1st, 2011
11:12 am

It sure helps you like to run in the cold and that it’s a movitator and not a distractor for you.

SlimNu

November 1st, 2011
11:14 am

Leggs – I think it was something that Shannon always wanted…for him to make and ‘honest’ woman out of her. For some, I suppose marriage is imbedded in them to make them feel they are finally ‘living right’. I cannot recall, but would you get married again? Or are you pretty much on the Been There Done That ship?

Tweed a pornstar? I’m not certain but I do know she used to pose for Playboy. Is that one in the same these days?

Randyt (aka...Been There, Done That, Have a Closet Full of T-Shirts)

November 1st, 2011
11:16 am

Shannon Tweed was in Playboy many years ago (maybe even Playmate of the Year), several times, and I want to think dated Hef for awhile. She did several of B-rated films that coincidenatlly usually involved getting naked.

SlimNu

November 1st, 2011
11:18 am

Kym – I don’t think we necessarily need to go back that far.. lol

Leggs

November 1st, 2011
11:19 am

Cold Cut Artist I think is Boys II Men (404) 741-1075. $25 gift card to Panera Bread, tix to see Tony Toni Tone.

SlimNu

November 1st, 2011
11:19 am

FYI For any of you who knew GaMan, he had his son yesterday. 6lbs 15oz

atllaw191

November 1st, 2011
11:21 am

Irreconcilable differences? The entire Kardashian clan (who has gained traction due to NOTHING), has no money, therefore, needed to “sell the wedding” for $10 Million (of which they paid NOTHING), then gained another megasale from the “production” to the network. It was all for the money and show people! When the network sues to recoup (if not a clause in there prohibiting same, which I’m sure there is)…then, and only then will we see the TRUTH!

Leggs

November 1st, 2011
11:22 am

@SlimNu ~ many say I will get married again. I’ve learned never say never, but I doubt it. Although I realize I didn’t marry “my husband,” not sure if I have the fortitude to do it again. I can spit all this simply because I haven’t found the one I want to be with. All my words can fly out the window with the right person on the same path I’m on. You never really know what you will do when you’re standing alone talking out the side of your neck (lol).

Kym

November 1st, 2011
11:23 am

..but in a way imposing morals on others is telling them what to do.
Society knows the basics..Don’t steal, Dont kill, etc..that crosses all racial, ethinic lines..but society has a tendency to try to legislate morality..and it rarely works out to be utopia.

Leggs

November 1st, 2011
11:23 am

Awww, that’s beautiful, SlimNu…thanl you for the update. Please tell him I said Congratulations!!!!

LG

November 1st, 2011
11:23 am

IMO, Kris Humphries wanted a wife and a marriage–with commitment, iinput, sharing, joint decisions, life building–together.

Kim wanted someone to just fit in to HER life as a Kardashian.

The concept of marital unity, commitment, making joint decisions is not something she’s likely ever to do. Shame on her, but he should have known better.

Celisea

November 1st, 2011
11:25 am

but in a way imposing morals on others is telling them what to do.

Let her rip then….lol

Kym

November 1st, 2011
11:25 am

@RandyT ohh so soft porn..ok.

@Slim..yeah I don’t think I would make it if we did go back..matter of fact..I am pretty sure I might have been a Amazon Warrior Woman in a past-life or something.

Leggs

November 1st, 2011
11:26 am

@LG ~ I see that too.

SlimNu

November 1st, 2011
11:27 am

Leggs – I totally get what you’re saying. I just come across many divorcee’s that spit the claim that they have no desire to do it again. But how does that saying go, “If you want a good laugh, tell God what your plan is”…lol

SexyCool

November 1st, 2011
11:29 am

I don’t really *like* to run. And even less, in the cold. But…I like how I feel when I get done. Runner’s high is real. :)

Celisea

November 1st, 2011
11:31 am

Today is the first day of November….where did the year go?

Celisea

November 1st, 2011
11:31 am

My kid will be 17 in a couple of months…wow

kimmie

November 1st, 2011
11:33 am

Morning All!!

I’m tired of reading stuff about what is wrong with marriage today. And to use the Kardashians as a basis to start the topic – really??? The same old lines – folks want instant gratification, don’t want to work at a marriage, have unrealistic expectations, don’t communicate, blah, blah, blah. Heard it all a thousand times and Randyt has all the t-shirts!LOL!!

The only thing really different I see about marriage today versus the past is that divorce is not as frowned upon as it once was. And a lot of people, mainly women, stayed even though they were not happy. So yeah, you had all these folks married for 40, 50 years, but if you peeled back the layers, how many of those folks were in marriages you would like to emulate or would really have respect for?

Believe it or not, there ARE some folks today, young and old, that manage to get this marriage thing right. How about lets hear from them?

And just because I’ve only been married a few months, that does not mean I don’t have anything to offer this topic. I waited a heck of a long time to do this thing and I’ve picked up on a few things along the way in life. But I just don’t feel like talking about it all.

Exiled!

November 1st, 2011
11:35 am

So Gawoman was preggo?

Congrats!

Leggs

November 1st, 2011
11:39 am

@SexyC ~ I thought I remember you saying your like those morning runs in the cold, or rather in the temps we’re presently experiencing.

@Celisea ~ I’m finding 17 a bit more calming that 14-16!!!!

Celisea

November 1st, 2011
11:40 am

Did anybody catch RayJ on the Rickey Smiley show this morning? I wondered if that was staged? If that was really him…or some sort of prank. If not, he was trashing KimK.

Celisea

November 1st, 2011
11:43 am

Leggs – I’m finding 17 a bit more calming that 14-16!!!!

Imma agree…prematurely…lol It seems for all the “wanting to be turned aloose” she was experiencing, in getting a bit more rope added for getting out there, she seems happy. Meaning I don’t hear so much whining now (not RIGHT now) anyway. Now that she’s moving into being a young lady, I’ll say “yes” to SOME things…not EVERYTHING. She’ll ask but she seems content now that the answer isn’t “no” all the time. I tell you though, young folks think they know EVERYTHING and don’t know jack. But that’s not today’s topic…lol

Leggs

November 1st, 2011
11:43 am

I’m backing up…I now think the Cold Cut Artist is Kool @ The Gang!

Leggs

November 1st, 2011
11:45 am

@Celisea ~ at 17, we are more their bankers and chauffeurs…so many activities going on being a senior. Thank goodness the group she’s “running” with have been the same kids since 8th grade. No one has changed character and moved to the edgier side trying to grow up too fast. Nonetheless, I watch all of them like a hawk!!!

Lady~

November 1st, 2011
11:45 am

I am glad to see November! Wow 17 C!!!! my lil lady is holding 6 down……….parenting…….lol

Exiled!

November 1st, 2011
11:46 am

there ARE some folks today that manage to get it Right!

@Kimmie?

but still,u can never be too sure about that coz,like those other marriages you referenced that appeared solid,u are still looking in from the outside.

I don’t think there is ANY marriage that is IT,perefect,ideal or whatever adjective u wanna use.

The major problem with current marriages is the ‘work’ factor. This is what distinguishes old marriages to newer marriages.
Folks are not prepared to forgive and move on and heal. The moment something happens,they are ready to ship out in search of browner pastures.

Audra

November 1st, 2011
11:48 am

Randy, good post! I especially agree with 3 and 4. Also, as many have said, the lack of communication or desire to do so. In my marriage, my ex pretty much shut down. That’s pretty much the end. And I would add one more thing, and this is especially for the ladies: DO NOT marry someone hoping they will change/be different in ANY way. That is unfair to him and will make you miserable in the long run. People can change, but they have to do it of their own accord, not because of another’s expectations. Like Randy…been there, done that, have the t-shirt!

As for this Kim K thing, who cares? Does anybody know what the Kardashians are famous for anyway?? Kind of like Paris Hilton…

SlimNu

November 1st, 2011
11:50 am

Exiled – Yeah his Gawoman was preggo. Not sure if you knew they had recently gotten married. I can’t recall when though. He seems very happy and excited!!

Celisea – They took audio from Ray J’s beef with another rapper. I want to say it was Fabulous but I could be wrong. So he wasn’t really commenting on Kim K…they just played that since what RAy J was saying about that beef with the other dude made no sense in the context of the situation.

Celisea

November 1st, 2011
11:52 am

Leggs – at 17, we are more their bankers and chauffeurs

You ain’t never lied. Although, my kid is still working. The pay though during the school year is less than half of what she makes weekly during the summer months. That’s okay though. It’s enough change for her to do the things she wants to do. Until she can keep her room better, she’s banned from buying new clothes…lol I pretty much like the kids in her group. She grew up with them as well. They all go to church together and the same high school. Yes ma’am talking about watching them like a hawk. They are kids, they will be and do what kids do. I like them though because they stick together at school too. There’s about 16 of them in all. I think 12 of them attends the same high school and the others a different school but together as well.

Lady – Yes, ma’am 17…almost :) So you’re little lady is 6? That’s such a sweet age. Listening to their little conversations and watching their little personalities start to bloom. Sweet.

Lady

November 1st, 2011
11:56 am

C so you know how my typical day is….her conversation is beyond interesting and I truly look forward to her chatting with me……for the moment she shares everything and its so innocent…..lol tear! She just recently got picked to sing @ Phipps for the holiday….she has hidden talents that are amazing……….yep daughters rock!

Celisea

November 1st, 2011
11:57 am

Slim – Gotcha. When I turned to the station the call was already in play. They were laughing and giggling so…..

MMeello – I agree with your post

kimmie

November 1st, 2011
11:57 am

can never be too sure about that

Exiled – Then why bother talking about it at all? And as for folks ready to jump ship quicker now because they don’t want to forgive & move on – I have a different take on that:

I’m not all starry-eyed because I just got married, first of all. I was actually quite the cynic about marriage, which is part of the reason why I waited so long. When you talk about forgiving and healing, I don’t think that really took place with a lot of marriages of the past. Just because they didn’t get divorced and stayed, that does not mean they truly forgave and truly healed. That is what I witnessed and observed about a lot of older married people. They just stayed out of obligation or practical or religous reasons, but if you ask them if they truly forgave and healed from certain things that went down with their spouse, a lot of times that answer would be no. And that is what I didn’t want to be in – a loveless marriage full of resentment.

Lady

November 1st, 2011
11:58 am

I didn’t even realize it it but she left her reading boook @ school yesterday and she says “mommy I have something to tell you, I left my book but I will read the story in the morning when I get there” I did go in for a tad about being responsible but I love the fact she can come to me and tell me the good and bad…….love it! through parenting I hope it remains…..

Celisea

November 1st, 2011
12:04 pm

Lady – truly look forward to her chatting with me……for the moment she shares everything and its so innocent…..lol tear! She just recently got picked to sing @ Phipps for the holiday….she has hidden talents that are amazing……….yep daughters rock!

Yes ma’am, I use to (and still do) look forward but yes the innocence is a rarity nowadays :) That rocks about her singing at Phipps. That is fantab. Great for lasting memories. That is such a nice treat for her. She’s only 6 and singing? Go ahead lil mama :)

I remember being in the 4th grade and selected to sing at the GWCC. Back then there was only a couple of middle schools, mostly elementary and high. There were 3 kids selected from every elementary school to sang. We did a medley and it was televised. How about my current choir director was also picked back then.

Celisea

November 1st, 2011
12:06 pm

Openiness is the key. My kid don’t tell me everything (this I know) but most things she’ll open up and tell me…boy and all. If it’s something where she knows Imma want to knock her left, she’ll tell my sister or my mom.

Lady~

November 1st, 2011
12:06 pm

Folks are not prepared to forgive and move on and heal. The moment something happens,they are ready to ship out in search of browner pastures.

Brotha Word is Bond!

Exiled!

November 1st, 2011
12:06 pm

Or shld I say forgive,heal,sacrifice and move on!

For better,for worse don’t mean the same anymore!

Lady~

November 1st, 2011
12:08 pm

C only two was selected from her class they are joining the 3rd graders yes I am happy and savoring the moments……..I told lil lady we came a long way together and I promise she does damn good through it all……..I won’t complain!

Lady~

November 1st, 2011
12:08 pm

Or shld I say forgive,heal,sacrifice and move on!

love that too!

Lady~

November 1st, 2011
12:09 pm

Kudos to all of you that are married and making it happen daily!!!!!! hats off!

kimmie

November 1st, 2011
12:15 pm

Exiled – You are right, a lot are not willing to sacrifice as much in marriage today. And I am daring to look at the flip side of that coin and saying it is not always a bad thing.

A lot of people did make the sacrifice to stay for the kids sake. But I have seen a lot to divorce once the kids grew up & left. That tells you a lot right there, that all was not rosy up in that house.

Like Dan talked about what his uncle said – when the kids are gone, what are you all gonna talk about and do, when it’s just the 2 of you?

Celisea

November 1st, 2011
12:16 pm

Lady – I told lil lady we came a long way together and I promise she does damn good through it all……..I won’t complain!

Exactly Lady, exactly. That’s fantab. You never know where that voice will take her. There’s a different kind of happiness in the world of raising little one. Especially when you go it alone. Grant it they grow up to be beasts sometimes…I kid I kid. But savor those moments. It will go by very fast.

Lady

November 1st, 2011
12:20 pm

Celisea you are so right and thank you!

Celisea

November 1st, 2011
12:29 pm

Just freaking great…I left one initial off about 120 legal docs so now I have to redo….ALL OF THEM. Guess I shouldn’t be blogging.

SexyCool

November 1st, 2011
12:32 pm

For some reason…I read this story…and I think about Blue’s funeral in Old School – http://www.ajc.com/news/cobb/dog-dies-after-alerting-1214344.html

SexyCool

November 1st, 2011
12:42 pm

“You’re my boy, Blue!”

SlimNu

November 1st, 2011
12:55 pm

Speaking of Blue (my kitty), he has been transitioning at his new home very well, from what I hear. He’s affectionate, bites you out of the blue and begs for your food whenever you eat, just as he always has. lol

SlimNu

November 1st, 2011
1:01 pm

oops…meant: transitioning into his new home

SexyCool

November 1st, 2011
1:08 pm

I thought I was going to be really excited about Oprah’s LifeClass series. Turns out that I have not watched a single episode.

SexyCool

November 1st, 2011
1:17 pm

I wonder if Oprah realizes that now that she is not on air everyday that her influence has sharply declined.

MzNewy

November 1st, 2011
1:21 pm

When I decided to get married, I waited until I was sure I would hang in there for better or for worse. Short of him being on the DL, there are no irreconcilable differences. I think folks forget that relationships are work. I took my vows very seriously and am in it for the long haul. Some of the reasons you see people get divorced are just indicative of them not really knowing each other in the first place.

abc

November 1st, 2011
1:21 pm

Just because differences may be irreconcilable doesn’t make them somehow justifiable. What it shows is that the party involved is shallow and self-absorbed, probably beyond most people’s ability to comprehend such selfishness.

Leggs

November 1st, 2011
1:23 pm

Speaking about influence waning, I didn’t even know there was an Oprah LifeClass series! .

@MzNewy ~ have you noticed that a lot of these “irreconcilible” differences is nothing more than one party whining “Mommy, I don’t want to do that anymore!”

MzNewy

November 1st, 2011
1:28 pm

BTW, My husband is my friend. We have a 14 year history 12 of which we were friends. The key is that while he is my friend, we are not each others only friend. Just because we are married we don’t sufficate each other. We still have date night. Our conversations do not just center around kids and bills. We have common interests and do things jointly and seperately. We do not have an unrealistic “ideal” of marriage and know that we are not always going to agree but we love each other enough to “fight fair” – no name calling or yelling; agree to disagree at times – we don’t share a brain; and be supportive of each other in our endeavors.

MzNewy

November 1st, 2011
1:31 pm

@ Leggs – Hey Chica! *waving* You are absolutely right…and indicate a “I’m taking my toy and go home” type attitude.

Kym

November 1st, 2011
1:44 pm

@SexyC I wanted to see her so bad– when she came to Atlanta a few weeks ago–but that 125.00 was a bit much for me. . I just found out my fav QVC host was there doing a cooking special. :-( You know she does repeats on the weekend you could always DVR them. I signed up for the classes but like you have yet to make one yet.

SexyCool

November 1st, 2011
1:45 pm

TheDude and I agree that if divorce is an option, we may as well not even get married.

kimmie

November 1st, 2011
1:47 pm

SCool – I have watched a few of the Lifeclass shows. They are pretty good. I don’t tune in regularly, but then even though I like Oprah, I didn’t watch her talk show on the regular, just when the subject matter interested me.

SexyCool

November 1st, 2011
1:49 pm

I have them all DVR’d. I think I got three and a half minutes into the first one and went straight to sleep.

Leggs

November 1st, 2011
1:50 pm

are nothing…

kimmie

November 1st, 2011
1:50 pm

SCool – I watched one where she was talking about that show where she gave away the cars to everyone in the audience, and what it took to put it all together and keep the surprise. She also followed up with some other people that she had helped over the years. I must admit, it all gave me goosebumps just watching it. Some of those stories brought tears to my eyes.

SexyCool

November 1st, 2011
1:51 pm

MzNewy – that is actually some advice that TheDude and I were given that we take to heart and make sure that we repeat often.

The aunt of a friend of his told us to “Always be friends, no matter what.”

On the night of the official “Official,” that was the first thing he said. “[name] is my friend.”

SexyCool

November 1st, 2011
1:52 pm

Kym – can you believe I won an FF game this week?!? (lol)

My team SO su-hux!!!!

Exiled!

November 1st, 2011
1:53 pm

1:45 is not right!

That’s why God gave the body a chute out option. If u get too full,u gotta breathe from down below.:lol:

Divorce has to be on the virtual table.

No consequences No reward!

Leggs

November 1st, 2011
1:54 pm

I said I wasn’t going to attend, but have since changed my mind. We are having an ice cream social here in 8 mins. I’ve been wanting some icream with pecan chips all month (well all last month). I going to have some today. May even through in some other toppings…

@SexyC ~ that definitely is not a good endorsement. :lol: :lol: :lol:

THE INFAMOUS DK

November 1st, 2011
1:55 pm

Im getting married 8 more times.. Liz Taylor-ish

Kym

November 1st, 2011
1:55 pm

I wanted to see the first one..where she talks about the weight loss and ego and anger..

THE INFAMOUS DK

November 1st, 2011
1:56 pm

No actually.. I dont wanna get married again.. I just wanna have me an old school companion.. She’s in the will and Im in her will.. We have an understanding and thats that. Come on with it let me hear it..

Leggs

November 1st, 2011
1:56 pm

@SexyC ~ meaning you falling asleep after watching the show for 3 mins. Not the same when a comment appears on a separate page than the original comment.

SexyCool

November 1st, 2011
2:01 pm

LOL – I understood.

Exiled!

November 1st, 2011
2:02 pm

DK!

that’s not a bad arrangement,in fact it is good.

The one bad thing about getting old being solo is the lack of companionship and one to make u some soup when u catch a cold,rub yr feet or swing to the movies with.

Having to sign in a new partner eve now and then or keep a rotation is just too much juvenile work.

You got my endorsement!

kimmie

November 1st, 2011
2:06 pm

On this being friends before & during marriage thing, I gotta agree.

I have to want to be with you thru the good times if I’m going to sign up to be with you thru the bad.

Might not make sense to some, but that’s how I think.

SlimNu

November 1st, 2011
2:41 pm

Soo, how did Halloween go last night for the folks that participated?

kimmie

November 1st, 2011
2:48 pm

Slim – We had fun last night. Baby girl was a vampire cheerleader and boy was some kind of zombie ninja. SO was the grim reaper, complete with scary eyes that lit up and I was a sexy vampiress. I got sick of my fangs though. They kinda stuck out like buck teeth and were not comfortable. Not very sexy!!

SexyCool

November 1st, 2011
2:49 pm

Slim – From my FB status last night – “Apparently, all of the kids in my neighborhood were dressed as “neighborhood kids” for Halloween. Since they didn’t bother with costumes, I don’t feel bad that I didn’t bother to buy any candy.”

Oh…this morning, there are candy wrappers everydamnwhere…

Leggs

November 1st, 2011
2:57 pm

“neighborhood kids” for Halloween. Since they didn’t bother with costumes,…

This made me laugh and want to pluck someone at the same time. No constume NO CANDY!!!!

Leggs

November 1st, 2011
2:57 pm

And, they didn’t have any nuts for my ice cream!!!

Celisea

November 1st, 2011
3:00 pm

neighborhood kids” for Halloween. Since they didn’t bother with costumes,…

lolololol

Celisea

November 1st, 2011
3:03 pm

Apparently, all of the kids in my neighborhood were dressed as “neighborhood kids” for Halloween. Since they didn’t bother with costumes, I don’t feel bad that I didn’t bother to buy any candy.”

I’m in a meeting….ya’ll can’t just have these kind of comments on the screen unexpectedly….

Leggs

November 1st, 2011
3:05 pm

Blogging is the best way to stay awake at some of these meetings…..IJS!!!

Exiled!

November 1st, 2011
3:05 pm

I switched off the front porch lights when the door bell rung

SlimNu

November 1st, 2011
3:06 pm

SC – I think I put something similar on my fb status. I just saw kids with bookbags on walking in the damn street like I won’t run them over. lol Then someone had the nerve to ring the doorbell at almost 10 last night. HELLO? It’s a freaking School night!

SlimNu

November 1st, 2011
3:08 pm

I was at the beau’s crib at first when the Trick or treating began. Please tell me why they were ringing the doorbell AND knocking like they got locked out of the house or something. Fool’s knocking like the police

Leggs

November 1st, 2011
3:09 pm

That’s not the way to do it, Ex….you purposely wanted to be mean!

Celisea

November 1st, 2011
3:12 pm

Blogging is the best way to stay awake at some of these meetings

You’re right Leggs…I laughed out…:(

I was not home but at my mom’s. My kid was at rehearsal. They didn’t have candy so when the first person knocked, I didn’t go to the door. I just yelled “they forgot to get candy” and he yelled back “okaaay”…lol

Celisea

November 1st, 2011
3:13 pm

The little snot that went missing because he left the house without permission (he was being punished), should have had a hole torn out of his frame. For making the news if no other reason.

Leggs

November 1st, 2011
3:17 pm

@Celisea ~ when they said he was carrying a bag of some sort, perhaps to trick or treat I immediately thought he ran away.

Leggs

November 1st, 2011
3:20 pm

Now, now, attend the meeting, but don’t draw attention to yourself. Stop that laughing and stop all that taping on your phone (esp. if no one else is tapping).

I was coming out of my house to run across to my neighbor’s house. When I opened the door a little girl was standing there. I told her I didn’t have any candy and she pouted and turned to the car saying “I told you mommy, the light was off for a reason!” I gave her a dollar.

Celisea

November 1st, 2011
3:20 pm

Leggs – I didn’t know what to think. I was scared for him. I hope he got it. His parents said no to TT because of his lack in school work and went anyway. Little snot.

Exiled!

November 1st, 2011
3:21 pm

No!

I purposely wanted to give the sign that we don’t trick/treat but had forgotten to turn them off earlier.

The knock on the door brought a ‘HELLO! Kinda realization.

Reio

November 1st, 2011
3:23 pm

Just dropped in, been laid up(surgery) lately. What is this “little snot” stuff about?

Celisea

November 1st, 2011
3:25 pm

Reio – Hope you feeling better/well. Some kid went missing because he went TT against his parent’s permission and made the news

Leggs

November 1st, 2011
3:25 pm

I was scared thinking someone is might brazen to snatch a kid on Halloween with so many adults on alert either from the window, driveway, garage, etc.

So he took it upon himself to go trick or treating after his parents said no. The kids these days don’t really know what it means to have a sore a$$!!

Like that 7-year old that took his family’s car on a joy ride (driving extremely well and fast) all because he didn’t want to go to church. Cops were in disbelief when he jumped out from behind the wheel. Both need beatings down to the white meat! They need to feel the difference between a whipping and a sure nuf whuupping….

SlimNu

November 1st, 2011
3:26 pm

Random: I wonder how many folks got served with court papers yesterday thinking it was just a trick or treater knocking?

No offense on “out of towners” but there are some folks in my office right now that don’t smell very nice. My senses are offended right now.

Leggs

November 1st, 2011
3:27 pm

@Ex. Oh, it didn’t come across like that. That was still mean, because although that was your reminder, you could have opened the door or talked through the door that you don’t have any candy. Turning the lights off while they’re on your step is like throwing a piece of coal in their bag.

Reio

November 1st, 2011
3:28 pm

Celisea – I see. How old is he, by the way?

SexyCool

November 1st, 2011
3:29 pm

You know I read that story thinking, “No, this little mphcka didn’t just take his OWN ass trick or treating.” I would have called someone to make sure they had bail money for how bad I tore his tail UP!!! I wanna whup him and he ain’t even my kid.

Exiled!

November 1st, 2011
3:31 pm

No offense to’ out of towners’

@Slim?

meaning ‘out of towners’ routinely smell foul?

You offensive to my kntry sensibilities!

kimmie

November 1st, 2011
3:31 pm

Leggs – That was so sweet, you giving that little girl a dollar!

Leggs

November 1st, 2011
3:31 pm

Nevermind, Ex. I don’t know why I typed that…I know you don’t care.

Exiled!

November 1st, 2011
3:32 pm

Leggs?

that’s my property ya naw!

Leggs

November 1st, 2011
3:34 pm

@kimmie ~ I immediately put myself in that little girl’s shoes. I can see me walking back to the car almost annoyed because I told Mama that house didn’t have any candy, but she wouldn’t listen to me. I had to give her something because she was me (lol)…

Celisea

November 1st, 2011
3:35 pm

You know I read that story thinking, “No, this little mphcka didn’t just take his OWN ass trick or treating.” I would have called someone to make sure they had bail money for how bad I tore his tail UP!!! I wanna whup him and he ain’t even my kid.

……..and again..LOL…I smirked and some of the laugh came out. I’m already the only one typing in the middle of hte meeting.

Reio – 10

SexyCool

November 1st, 2011
3:35 pm

I was sitting on my couch with the porch lights and every other light in the house off. I didn’t even have the t.v. on. Sitting there, thinking, “It’s a damn shame that I’m hiding from some kids in my own damn house.” (lol)

Fortunately, the doorbell only rang twice. But with all of the folks walking by so close to the house, GiGi was still about to lose it. She can sense when people are close to the house…and she doesn’t like it.

Leggs

November 1st, 2011
3:35 pm

Of course it’s your property. That’s not what we, well not what I’m talking about and you know it. I was coming from a sensitive place…has nothing to do with who the heck pays the mortgage.

Reio

November 1st, 2011
3:37 pm

Well my youngest went TTing last evening. Came back with a pillowcase full of stuff. Yes a pillowcase, wish I had thought of that when I was his age. Anyway, we had to take his stuff, cause while he was out, his school bus driver called and said that my son and a few others refused to be quiet on the way home, and will kick him off the bus if he continues. Always something, it seems.

Leggs

November 1st, 2011
3:39 pm

I was sitting on my couch with the porch lights and every other light in the house off. I didn’t even have the t.v. on. Sitting there, thinking, “It’s a damn shame that I’m hiding from some kids in my own damn house.” (lol)

I was asked if I was going to turn off my lights, and I said NOPE. Not going to sit in the dark in my own home because I didn’t buy candy. Plus DWTS was on when they were doing their tricking and treating (lol)….Porch light automatically mean this house is the dead zone. I almost didn’t want to put the light on over the garage, but it’s mighty dark in the cul-de-sac. My doorbell didn’t ring at all. It would have rung once, but I had alrady opened the door to go out.

SlimNu

November 1st, 2011
3:40 pm

Exiled – You know certain cultures have different practices. I’m merely stating that the particular people who have different practices have an odor that is a bit off putting at the moment. So I only stated out of towners as a loose way to describe them…But again, no offense…

Exiled!

November 1st, 2011
3:41 pm

Hmmmmff Leggs.

do u always like to have the last word!?

u see why some man wld hazard throwing a woman in a pool..

:lol: :lol:

Exiled!

November 1st, 2011
3:42 pm

I was kidding Slim

Leggs too

:lol:

SexyCool

November 1st, 2011
3:46 pm

TheDude is working at night right now, so…a LOT of the tv watching that we were doing has been replaced by me being online. So…I actually wouldn’t have had the tv on anyway. But I did consciously not turn on as many lights.

SlimNu

November 1st, 2011
3:57 pm

Exiled – You little stinker you…well not literally but you know what I meant lol

Into the Light

November 1st, 2011
3:59 pm

Afternoon, all!

I love handing out candy. But I will say this: if you are over 16 and a foot taller than I am – get a job and buy your own candy!! I swear I had entire families at the door!

DreamsMaterialize

November 1st, 2011
4:01 pm

Hey Everyone.

I have to admit that I didn’t even know Kim K had gotten married, so I don’t really have much to add about that, not that we’re still on topic anyway. lol I see people standing in line to whip that kid that went trick or treating without permission. haha You have to be careful with the whippings though, first because you CAN be reported, prosecuted, and have your child taken from you, and second because whippings aren’t always the answer. I’d bet 95% of the people in prison had their a$$ whipped all the time…didn’t help them one bit. Alot of times the parents are really the ones who need their a$$ whipped. I’m tired of slack a$$ parents…been seeing them far too frequently lately.

So, I’m lmao that Exiled! turned the lights off on the kid. hahaha

Leggs

November 1st, 2011
4:02 pm

With men like you, Yes, I hazard to have the last word.

I know you’re somewhat kidding. Me having the last verbal word wasnt why I was almost thrown in the pool. Me snatching the chain off did it. I take pride in my quickness (back then)!!!

Celisea

November 1st, 2011
4:06 pm

I don’t get folks that don’t like discipline. Before now…this day and crazy age, prisons weren’t overloaded, killing and raping rampart. folks trfling and sorry and want a handout. Folks walking in your house without your permission and just taking your stuff….all I know is when folks were getting their butts tapped when didn’t have all this foolishness. And because we’re trying all these different approache and “alternatives” this world has gone to hell in a handbasket. I know “whipping” ain’t always the answer but for a 10 year old that can’t wipe his butt good, still got his feet under his parent’s table, ain’t got a dang job…..he need his ass whipped.

Into the Light

November 1st, 2011
4:08 pm

So, I’m lmao that Exiled! turned the lights off on the kid. hahaha

I’m not laughing. I think it was unnecessarily rude. It would have been just as easy to tell the kid you weren’t handing out candy.

kimmie

November 1st, 2011
4:08 pm

Dreams – What’s shakin?

I agree with you about the slack parents, but I bet just the opposite about the folks in prison. I bet 95% had slack parents that did not whip that behind!

Celisea

November 1st, 2011
4:09 pm

Had somebody snatched molested and left his snotty butt somewhere mangled and dead, I bet he would taking a whipping as the alternative. As long as a kid can’t see around the corner and don’t know the left hand from the right hand…they need to obey. If they go long enough obeying and folks not tryna explain to a 10 year old what a 10 year old won’t “get” or know until they lived into it, they’ll get it and won’t need a whipping.

Leggs

November 1st, 2011
4:13 pm

Yep, ITL. Then when the next kid comes along, he or she will see that the light is off. They know the meaning of light on, light off.

Yep, Ex, you’re definitely free to handle it any way you deem appropriate, it is your property.

SlimNu

November 1st, 2011
4:15 pm

I think discipline coupled with great examples & discussion goes a long way when you link it all up with what you expect as a parent. I’ll never forget when Theo was getting a little besides himself (on The Cosby Show) and they took everything out of his room and treated him like he’d be treated in the real world…well sort of. He had to find a way to pay for furniture, rent and food. If parents aren’t expecting much or putting much effort into the kids, the kids’ behavior will reflect that. When I grew up, no matter what I did or whatever type of punishment I was given, the main concern for me was I never wanted to know I DISAPPOINTED my mom. Getting a whooping was one thing, but what got to me the most is knowing I let her down in whatever madness I did.

Into the Light

November 1st, 2011
4:17 pm

Agree, Leggs, with both statements.

@Slim: Man, to this day I can remember how I would cringe when my mom said I had disappointed her. I would’ve rather taken any punishment than that.

Leggs

November 1st, 2011
4:20 pm

@SlimNu/IT ~ that is why I’m very, very careful using the word “disappointed.” I’ve used it once. Seriously. That word can cause damage so I don’t throw it around loosely for every infraction my child may have done. It carries a lot of weight.

Celisea

November 1st, 2011
4:22 pm

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t go around slapping and knocking my child. I do more talking now than I did in her younger years. Frankly my kid is too big for “whipping.” As a tot though, she got her butt tapped if needed. And I could care less about a “system.” As long as I’m raising and responsible, I’ll be daggone if any system tells me how to run my house and my kid.

SlimNu

November 1st, 2011
4:22 pm

ITL – One of the times she was most disappointed was when I changed my grade on my report card. Don’t you know to this day she brings that up. She just couldn’t wrap her mind around me doing something like that. :lol:

SlimNu

November 1st, 2011
4:27 pm

Leggs – Yeah, my mom didn’t throw that word around either but whenever she did say it, it went straight to my core. I can’t say that many of the kids today have that same feeling about it. Maybe the parents are so lost that the kid is even more lost. I just hope that when or if I’m blessed with a CHILD, that I’ll be able to find that balance of discipline all while maintaining an Open door policy for them to be able to talk to me about anything. I’m super amazed and proud of my litte sister and my niece. She has some GREAT patience for her 3yr old

Into the Light

November 1st, 2011
4:27 pm

LOL@Slim. And you probably still hang your head down, just like I do, and say, “I know, Mama, I’m sorry”. :lol:

SexyCool

November 1st, 2011
4:28 pm

Well, Dreams, I did say I would make sure bail money was ready. (lol)

Into the Light

November 1st, 2011
4:29 pm

COMPLETELY O/T: Did y’all see the pics from Heidi Klum’s costume party??? WOW!

kimmie

November 1st, 2011
4:29 pm

Slim, your 4:15 – Real Talk. Never wanted to disappoint the parents! But then, my parents garnered that type of respect from us. Alot of these parents today, not so much.

SexyCool

November 1st, 2011
4:30 pm

I just agreed to be on a relay team for next year’s Atlanta Marathon Relay. What has gotten into me? Sheesh….

SlimNu

November 1st, 2011
4:32 pm

ITL – I be like, Mamaaaa you’re bringing that up AGAIN?! lol

SC – You’re taking this whole running thing and running away with it. LOL

SexyCool

November 1st, 2011
4:35 pm

Yep – Upcoming Races (so far)

12.3.11 – Jingle Bell 5K in Miami
12.17.11 – Peachtree Corners Christmas 10K
March 2012 – New Orleans Rock N Roll Half Marathon
June 2012 – HBCU 5K
July 2012 – Peachtree Road Race
August 2012 – Atlanta’s Finest 5K
October 2012 – Atlanta Marathon Relay

Into the Light

November 1st, 2011
4:37 pm

LOL@Slim.

SCool – I think the blog should make signs and stand on the sides to cheer you on! I can see the posters now, “Running is not a misadventure! GO SCOOL!!”

SexyCool

November 1st, 2011
4:38 pm

ITL – While ya’ playing, I can tell you that having support makes a helluva difference. Having encouragement really can help you push through especially when you are about to hit the wall.

Into the Light

November 1st, 2011
4:39 pm

(okay, cheesy I know, but it’s the best I could do at the moment)

Into the Light

November 1st, 2011
4:40 pm

I wasn’t playing!! I’m serious!!!

SexyCool

November 1st, 2011
4:40 pm

Well, that and a sports drink…(lol)

SlimNu

November 1st, 2011
4:41 pm

SC – I’ll be throwing salt from the sidelines because that’s what we do here on the blog. It’ll make for an interesting race. :lol: i kid, i kid.

SexyCool

November 1st, 2011
4:41 pm

I welcome any and all support. :)

SexyCool

November 1st, 2011
4:41 pm

Into the Light

November 1st, 2011
4:45 pm

LOL@Slim. I have this image of Slim, dressed like the Morton salt girl, throwing salt like rice at a wedding….

DreamsMaterialize

November 1st, 2011
4:47 pm

Before now…this day and crazy age, prisons weren’t overloaded, killing and raping rampart.
Celisea This is actually not true. Crime has been continually declining since 1992. Crime rates in every major category (rape, homicide, violent crime, property crime) last year were at their lowest since 1964 (the glory days of yesteryear). The 1930’s had by far the highest murder rate from 1900 thru present, followed by the 1980’s and then the 1970’s.

I bet 95% had slack parents that did not whip that behind!
kimmie I’m good. How are you? I’ll see your bet. Studies have already been done that show the incidence of physical abuse among inmates as children.

Leggs

November 1st, 2011
4:48 pm

@Celisea ~ I’m a “hands on” parent and see nothing wrong with tapping that behind while she was growing up. It has helped along the way to her growing to see the age of 17!

DreamsMaterialize

November 1st, 2011
4:51 pm

SCool
I see you getting it in on the running circuit. That’s awesome. I think I also saw you allude to marriage. Are you engaged/married? If so, congrats!

Into the Light

November 1st, 2011
4:53 pm

Studies have already been done that show the incidence of physical abuse among inmates as children.

physical abuse and a spanking are not the same.

SlimNu

November 1st, 2011
4:53 pm

ITL – Dang, I wish I would’ve thought of that idea before the Halloween party. I could’ve been the Mortons girl. Maybe next year! I’m sure throwing salt will still be relevant then lol

SexyCool

November 1st, 2011
4:54 pm

The engagement was made officially official a few weeks ago. (I’ve got hardware!!!)

Into the Light

November 1st, 2011
4:55 pm

@Slim, And it’d be an easy costume, too!! Just make sure you get a cute raincoat so you don’t wind up looking like the Gorton’s fisherman. LOL :lol:

DreamsMaterialize

November 1st, 2011
4:56 pm

physical abuse and a spanking are not the same.
ITL I agree, but I’m sure that every parent who abused their child would claim that they were only spanking them. Where is the line? Everyone is drawing their own line, and many aren’t that successful at it.

SlimNu

November 1st, 2011
4:58 pm

ITL – And on that note, I’m going to laugh my way on to the parking lot. You’re funny lololol Well, as long as I don’t smell like the Gorton’s Fisherman, I think i’ll be okay. :shock: :lol:

SlimNu

November 1st, 2011
5:00 pm

SC – Send a pic so I can get used to throwing this salt. I want to make sure i’ve got it down pat by the time Halloween 2012 comes around. But really, CONGRATS CHICA!!

Leggs

November 1st, 2011
5:00 pm

So many people today are living with less than God’s best because they’ve allowed fear to creep in and take root in their lives. Fear is the greatest weapon the enemy uses to try to hold us back. Fear is not from God. It is self-imposed!!

PEACE!

Into the Light

November 1st, 2011
5:01 pm

Everyone is drawing their own line, and many aren’t that successful at it.

Totally agree, Dreams. In a lot of instances, I do not support spanking because I think that 1) it crosses the line into abuse 2) it is done to alleviate the parent’s anger and 3) the cause-effect relationship is not made clear to the child (i.e. you did x which warrants y, a spanking).

That said, though, spanking can be a powerful deterrent when used correctly and as a means of discipline, not abuse or anger release.

Into the Light

November 1st, 2011
5:03 pm

as long as I don’t smell like the Gorton’s Fisherman, I think i’ll be okay

then poor Swiss would start having flashbacks!!! LOL

Leggs

November 1st, 2011
5:06 pm

Tomorrow is college day at school and my child has opted to wear my alma mater…woo hoo. Next thing out her mouth is everyone is going to be wearing UGA and I want to be different….air sucked out of my happy balloon (lol).

Into the Light

November 1st, 2011
5:08 pm

Awww, Leggs! I think that’s cool, no matter what her motivation was. :)

Celisea

November 1st, 2011
5:15 pm

Leggs – They don’t know. Until they have kids or a kid past the age of a tot, then come back and tell me you didn’t have to take a hard line on some things. My kid has only experienced “growing pains”…tell me what you won’t do to keep you kid out of harm’s way. It’s easy said when you don’t have them or they’re babies. Let them get out there among the wolves. You better equip them with something. Something for the beast in them (as they all have it within) and something for the beasts around them and something for a world that could give a happy how they fair.

Dreams – Yeah, you took out what you wanted from my post…crime. There’s a lot more going on now as a result of lack discipline outside of crime. But I digress….

Celisea

November 1st, 2011
5:17 pm

And don’t lean on statistics. They pick and choose depending on the topic and depending on the audience.