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What are irreconcilable differences, anyway?

If you have not heard the shocking news, a reality tv show star is divorcing her athlete husband of a whopping 72 days. I know, it’s become downright strange to watch the circus that is surrounding this entire pop culture phenomenon. You are probably like me, tired of seeing the letter K, right?

I have read a lot of commentary about this entertainment news story, but I can’t figure out why people are trying to find meaning in it. I mean, the behavior of celebrities and public figures doesn’t always reflect on what we do and think in the real world does it?

In this case, though, I have to acknowledge that a lot of us are marrying for the wrong reasons and many are divorcing quite quickly. There even seemed to be a trend of having “starter marriages” to sort of try on marriage like it’s something we may or may not keep. When things don’t go like we want or expect, then everyone likes to site irreconcilable differences. A legal term that is about as vague as Herman Cain’s debate responses.

What are irreconcilable differences, anyway? It seems that going into a marriage with a distorted view of what marriage is supposed to be has convinced us that it’s not worth the work it takes to make it last.

Do you think that you know – definitively, what is irreconcilable to you? Would you be able to know when it is clearly over?

Why do you think our marriages have such weak foundations (not referring to the Hollywood ones) today that cause them to come undone?

By Wise Diva, Misadventure in Atlanta Dating Blog

246 comments Add your comment

DreamsMaterialize

November 1st, 2011
4:01 pm

Hey Everyone.

I have to admit that I didn’t even know Kim K had gotten married, so I don’t really have much to add about that, not that we’re still on topic anyway. lol I see people standing in line to whip that kid that went trick or treating without permission. haha You have to be careful with the whippings though, first because you CAN be reported, prosecuted, and have your child taken from you, and second because whippings aren’t always the answer. I’d bet 95% of the people in prison had their a$$ whipped all the time…didn’t help them one bit. Alot of times the parents are really the ones who need their a$$ whipped. I’m tired of slack a$$ parents…been seeing them far too frequently lately.

So, I’m lmao that Exiled! turned the lights off on the kid. hahaha

Leggs

November 1st, 2011
4:02 pm

With men like you, Yes, I hazard to have the last word.

I know you’re somewhat kidding. Me having the last verbal word wasnt why I was almost thrown in the pool. Me snatching the chain off did it. I take pride in my quickness (back then)!!!

Celisea

November 1st, 2011
4:06 pm

I don’t get folks that don’t like discipline. Before now…this day and crazy age, prisons weren’t overloaded, killing and raping rampart. folks trfling and sorry and want a handout. Folks walking in your house without your permission and just taking your stuff….all I know is when folks were getting their butts tapped when didn’t have all this foolishness. And because we’re trying all these different approache and “alternatives” this world has gone to hell in a handbasket. I know “whipping” ain’t always the answer but for a 10 year old that can’t wipe his butt good, still got his feet under his parent’s table, ain’t got a dang job…..he need his ass whipped.

Into the Light

November 1st, 2011
4:08 pm

So, I’m lmao that Exiled! turned the lights off on the kid. hahaha

I’m not laughing. I think it was unnecessarily rude. It would have been just as easy to tell the kid you weren’t handing out candy.

kimmie

November 1st, 2011
4:08 pm

Dreams – What’s shakin?

I agree with you about the slack parents, but I bet just the opposite about the folks in prison. I bet 95% had slack parents that did not whip that behind!

Celisea

November 1st, 2011
4:09 pm

Had somebody snatched molested and left his snotty butt somewhere mangled and dead, I bet he would taking a whipping as the alternative. As long as a kid can’t see around the corner and don’t know the left hand from the right hand…they need to obey. If they go long enough obeying and folks not tryna explain to a 10 year old what a 10 year old won’t “get” or know until they lived into it, they’ll get it and won’t need a whipping.

Leggs

November 1st, 2011
4:13 pm

Yep, ITL. Then when the next kid comes along, he or she will see that the light is off. They know the meaning of light on, light off.

Yep, Ex, you’re definitely free to handle it any way you deem appropriate, it is your property.

SlimNu

November 1st, 2011
4:15 pm

I think discipline coupled with great examples & discussion goes a long way when you link it all up with what you expect as a parent. I’ll never forget when Theo was getting a little besides himself (on The Cosby Show) and they took everything out of his room and treated him like he’d be treated in the real world…well sort of. He had to find a way to pay for furniture, rent and food. If parents aren’t expecting much or putting much effort into the kids, the kids’ behavior will reflect that. When I grew up, no matter what I did or whatever type of punishment I was given, the main concern for me was I never wanted to know I DISAPPOINTED my mom. Getting a whooping was one thing, but what got to me the most is knowing I let her down in whatever madness I did.

Into the Light

November 1st, 2011
4:17 pm

Agree, Leggs, with both statements.

@Slim: Man, to this day I can remember how I would cringe when my mom said I had disappointed her. I would’ve rather taken any punishment than that.

Leggs

November 1st, 2011
4:20 pm

@SlimNu/IT ~ that is why I’m very, very careful using the word “disappointed.” I’ve used it once. Seriously. That word can cause damage so I don’t throw it around loosely for every infraction my child may have done. It carries a lot of weight.

Celisea

November 1st, 2011
4:22 pm

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t go around slapping and knocking my child. I do more talking now than I did in her younger years. Frankly my kid is too big for “whipping.” As a tot though, she got her butt tapped if needed. And I could care less about a “system.” As long as I’m raising and responsible, I’ll be daggone if any system tells me how to run my house and my kid.

SlimNu

November 1st, 2011
4:22 pm

ITL – One of the times she was most disappointed was when I changed my grade on my report card. Don’t you know to this day she brings that up. She just couldn’t wrap her mind around me doing something like that. :lol:

SlimNu

November 1st, 2011
4:27 pm

Leggs – Yeah, my mom didn’t throw that word around either but whenever she did say it, it went straight to my core. I can’t say that many of the kids today have that same feeling about it. Maybe the parents are so lost that the kid is even more lost. I just hope that when or if I’m blessed with a CHILD, that I’ll be able to find that balance of discipline all while maintaining an Open door policy for them to be able to talk to me about anything. I’m super amazed and proud of my litte sister and my niece. She has some GREAT patience for her 3yr old

Into the Light

November 1st, 2011
4:27 pm

LOL@Slim. And you probably still hang your head down, just like I do, and say, “I know, Mama, I’m sorry”. :lol:

SexyCool

November 1st, 2011
4:28 pm

Well, Dreams, I did say I would make sure bail money was ready. (lol)

Into the Light

November 1st, 2011
4:29 pm

COMPLETELY O/T: Did y’all see the pics from Heidi Klum’s costume party??? WOW!

kimmie

November 1st, 2011
4:29 pm

Slim, your 4:15 – Real Talk. Never wanted to disappoint the parents! But then, my parents garnered that type of respect from us. Alot of these parents today, not so much.

SexyCool

November 1st, 2011
4:30 pm

I just agreed to be on a relay team for next year’s Atlanta Marathon Relay. What has gotten into me? Sheesh….

SlimNu

November 1st, 2011
4:32 pm

ITL – I be like, Mamaaaa you’re bringing that up AGAIN?! lol

SC – You’re taking this whole running thing and running away with it. LOL

SexyCool

November 1st, 2011
4:35 pm

Yep – Upcoming Races (so far)

12.3.11 – Jingle Bell 5K in Miami
12.17.11 – Peachtree Corners Christmas 10K
March 2012 – New Orleans Rock N Roll Half Marathon
June 2012 – HBCU 5K
July 2012 – Peachtree Road Race
August 2012 – Atlanta’s Finest 5K
October 2012 – Atlanta Marathon Relay

Into the Light

November 1st, 2011
4:37 pm

LOL@Slim.

SCool – I think the blog should make signs and stand on the sides to cheer you on! I can see the posters now, “Running is not a misadventure! GO SCOOL!!”

SexyCool

November 1st, 2011
4:38 pm

ITL – While ya’ playing, I can tell you that having support makes a helluva difference. Having encouragement really can help you push through especially when you are about to hit the wall.

Into the Light

November 1st, 2011
4:39 pm

(okay, cheesy I know, but it’s the best I could do at the moment)

Into the Light

November 1st, 2011
4:40 pm

I wasn’t playing!! I’m serious!!!

SexyCool

November 1st, 2011
4:40 pm

Well, that and a sports drink…(lol)

SlimNu

November 1st, 2011
4:41 pm

SC – I’ll be throwing salt from the sidelines because that’s what we do here on the blog. It’ll make for an interesting race. :lol: i kid, i kid.

SexyCool

November 1st, 2011
4:41 pm

I welcome any and all support. :)

SexyCool

November 1st, 2011
4:41 pm

Into the Light

November 1st, 2011
4:45 pm

LOL@Slim. I have this image of Slim, dressed like the Morton salt girl, throwing salt like rice at a wedding….

DreamsMaterialize

November 1st, 2011
4:47 pm

Before now…this day and crazy age, prisons weren’t overloaded, killing and raping rampart.
Celisea This is actually not true. Crime has been continually declining since 1992. Crime rates in every major category (rape, homicide, violent crime, property crime) last year were at their lowest since 1964 (the glory days of yesteryear). The 1930’s had by far the highest murder rate from 1900 thru present, followed by the 1980’s and then the 1970’s.

I bet 95% had slack parents that did not whip that behind!
kimmie I’m good. How are you? I’ll see your bet. Studies have already been done that show the incidence of physical abuse among inmates as children.

Leggs

November 1st, 2011
4:48 pm

@Celisea ~ I’m a “hands on” parent and see nothing wrong with tapping that behind while she was growing up. It has helped along the way to her growing to see the age of 17!

DreamsMaterialize

November 1st, 2011
4:51 pm

SCool
I see you getting it in on the running circuit. That’s awesome. I think I also saw you allude to marriage. Are you engaged/married? If so, congrats!

Into the Light

November 1st, 2011
4:53 pm

Studies have already been done that show the incidence of physical abuse among inmates as children.

physical abuse and a spanking are not the same.

SlimNu

November 1st, 2011
4:53 pm

ITL – Dang, I wish I would’ve thought of that idea before the Halloween party. I could’ve been the Mortons girl. Maybe next year! I’m sure throwing salt will still be relevant then lol

SexyCool

November 1st, 2011
4:54 pm

The engagement was made officially official a few weeks ago. (I’ve got hardware!!!)

Into the Light

November 1st, 2011
4:55 pm

@Slim, And it’d be an easy costume, too!! Just make sure you get a cute raincoat so you don’t wind up looking like the Gorton’s fisherman. LOL :lol:

DreamsMaterialize

November 1st, 2011
4:56 pm

physical abuse and a spanking are not the same.
ITL I agree, but I’m sure that every parent who abused their child would claim that they were only spanking them. Where is the line? Everyone is drawing their own line, and many aren’t that successful at it.

SlimNu

November 1st, 2011
4:58 pm

ITL – And on that note, I’m going to laugh my way on to the parking lot. You’re funny lololol Well, as long as I don’t smell like the Gorton’s Fisherman, I think i’ll be okay. :shock: :lol:

SlimNu

November 1st, 2011
5:00 pm

SC – Send a pic so I can get used to throwing this salt. I want to make sure i’ve got it down pat by the time Halloween 2012 comes around. But really, CONGRATS CHICA!!

Leggs

November 1st, 2011
5:00 pm

So many people today are living with less than God’s best because they’ve allowed fear to creep in and take root in their lives. Fear is the greatest weapon the enemy uses to try to hold us back. Fear is not from God. It is self-imposed!!

PEACE!

Into the Light

November 1st, 2011
5:01 pm

Everyone is drawing their own line, and many aren’t that successful at it.

Totally agree, Dreams. In a lot of instances, I do not support spanking because I think that 1) it crosses the line into abuse 2) it is done to alleviate the parent’s anger and 3) the cause-effect relationship is not made clear to the child (i.e. you did x which warrants y, a spanking).

That said, though, spanking can be a powerful deterrent when used correctly and as a means of discipline, not abuse or anger release.

Into the Light

November 1st, 2011
5:03 pm

as long as I don’t smell like the Gorton’s Fisherman, I think i’ll be okay

then poor Swiss would start having flashbacks!!! LOL

Leggs

November 1st, 2011
5:06 pm

Tomorrow is college day at school and my child has opted to wear my alma mater…woo hoo. Next thing out her mouth is everyone is going to be wearing UGA and I want to be different….air sucked out of my happy balloon (lol).

Into the Light

November 1st, 2011
5:08 pm

Awww, Leggs! I think that’s cool, no matter what her motivation was. :)

Celisea

November 1st, 2011
5:15 pm

Leggs – They don’t know. Until they have kids or a kid past the age of a tot, then come back and tell me you didn’t have to take a hard line on some things. My kid has only experienced “growing pains”…tell me what you won’t do to keep you kid out of harm’s way. It’s easy said when you don’t have them or they’re babies. Let them get out there among the wolves. You better equip them with something. Something for the beast in them (as they all have it within) and something for the beasts around them and something for a world that could give a happy how they fair.

Dreams – Yeah, you took out what you wanted from my post…crime. There’s a lot more going on now as a result of lack discipline outside of crime. But I digress….

Celisea

November 1st, 2011
5:17 pm

And don’t lean on statistics. They pick and choose depending on the topic and depending on the audience.