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Haunted by dating mistakes?

Since today is the day of scary things that are haunted, I thought about those dating mistakes we all make that come back and haunt us later. I hate living with regret, but it really is a part of life. We sometimes second guess the decisions we made or something we did, but have you ever actually been bothered by it later on?

I think it would be helpful to purge the past, open the door of skeletons, and release some of those bad feelings. Who wants to be haunted by their mistakes of their past? I had to look up an old boyfriend and apologize for what I did to him. I could have blamed my youth and stupidity but I owned up to my mistake. It didn’t even matter to him at that point but it did me a boatload of good.

When you look back at your track record, is there anything you wish you had handled differently? Have you thought of apologizing to the people you hurt, misled, or deceived? Do you think they would be open to hearing about your remorse?

What dating mistake are you haunted by?

To those who acknowledge or celebrate the spooky holiday: Happy Halloween!

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

170 comments Add your comment

Celisea

October 31st, 2011
11:59 am

it’s not about guilt, but the acceptance that I was wrong – dead wrong in some cases.

I ask God for forgiveness and trust he’ll grant and direct my path forward loking. Not saying the act of showing forgiveness to someone directly isn’t a good thing, but think about it we’d spin all our years if we went back to every person we’ve wrong. There are sins of commission and ommissions….no way to cover it all in circling back. Since we know of and sins we don’t. Give them to God and move on.

Celisea

October 31st, 2011
12:00 pm

Some not “since”

Exiled!

October 31st, 2011
12:08 pm

But then again,if nobody was ever wrong,they wldnt be human.

Got give it to and blame it on Adam and ( the malicious conniving serpent) for being enticed by that cherry!

Haunted by those yonder yo mistakes that cast a spell on All of Us!

Mike P

October 31st, 2011
12:08 pm

Steps to moving forward from your mistakes when you have wronged someone:
(1) forgive your self first;
(2) ask God (or divine providence) for forgiveness;
(3) ask that the person wronged to have blessings and happiness, happier than he could have had with you.
(4) be done with it; know that it is done, resolved, all is well.

Willie Dynamite

October 31st, 2011
12:09 pm

Aftrernoon All,

Lets see,
Mistakes that I am haunted by – none
Regrets – a few small ones nothing life or personality changing.
Apologetic – a little, I made amends to a few that I looked back on and felt bad that I hurt. 10-15 yrs after the fact doesn’t help but they were actually good conversations.
I can and will honestly say that for quite some time I gave the psuedo-disclaimer to every chick that was in my prescence. I didn’t date (per se`) alot so I can’t say I led many astray. I used to say I don’t have a GF, Don’t want a GF, Not interested in falling in love and right now I don’t deal in emotions. We can kick it (hahaha) have some fun and go to a few places. If you want me to sign up for more than that then I’m sorry thats not me and I don’t wanna waste your time.

kimmie

October 31st, 2011
12:10 pm

What’s up gang? BOO!!!

I’ve tried to treat others as I would want to be treated all along, but I am human. Mistakes have been made. I made my apologies and asked for my forgiveness at the time of the occurance, because as I have said before, I am one that sees my sins immediately, not years down the road.

As for regrets, I really don’t have any major ones that haunt. I just wish, like SCool, I had left some dudes earlier and not wasted my time. Forget all that “learn from mistakes” stuff. My time with them was a waste, pure and simple. For those that I did not give a chance, I have absolutely no regret at all for doing so. I look at that as God protecting me.

Leggs

October 31st, 2011
12:24 pm

I wish a man would come up and say all that to me, WillieD. I would thank him for his honestly then wish him luck in his hunting. Well, really, I’d probably say I hope you don’t find anyone willing enough to go along with that line of thinking, but I know you will…

GracieL

October 31st, 2011
12:25 pm

There’s no point in forgiving a sociopath, because (1) they’re never sorry, (2) they don’t need, want, or care about being forgiven, and (3) may they rot in hell. By the way, experts estimate that 1 in 25 people are thusly UNafflicted by the burden of conscience. Look it up. Read about it. You’ll see that most likely, your life has also been touched by one of these snakes.

Kym

October 31st, 2011
12:27 pm

Afternoon Random Thought–The planet has 7 billion people. Some of ya’ll need to move to Mars..you are sucking up all the oxygen.

Purple Reign

October 31st, 2011
12:48 pm

Do I feel bad about how I treated some in the past? Yes. WIll I go back and apologize? No. I am fine with it and bygones are bygones. I don’t agree that living with regret is a part of life…unless you got some fat chick pregnant and are now stuck with her fat kid or something. Everything happens for a reason whether it is good or bad. This sounds like a “closure” issue and only women have those. Really ladies would you want some guy who did you wrong to come back and apologize, what difference would it make. You already know you have been hoping for karma to get him anyway. If someone is in your past there are there for a reason.

SexyCool

October 31st, 2011
12:57 pm

Has anyone else heard that KimK is filing for divorce?

SexyCool

October 31st, 2011
12:58 pm

Hey Purp – ran 5 miles in about 58 minutes on Saturday morning…..woohoo!!!!!

Purple Reign

October 31st, 2011
1:04 pm

Sexy Cool! You are kicking boooootaayyyyy! Proud of you…everyone else not so much. LOL Send me that link again

Chink

October 31st, 2011
1:14 pm

PR I don’t want anyone from the past coming to apologize … I have done moved on ..but an apology should be warranted if you have just recently done someone wrong. Just my O pin ion.

Chink

October 31st, 2011
1:22 pm

I think its all about “timing”…

And time and time again men from the past try to reconcile like the woman has been sitting around for years waiting on them to get it together …its a terrible assumption …

sfw

October 31st, 2011
1:24 pm

If it is something small, I don’t care about if they want an apology or not, if they really screwed up something, far beyond what they ever had the right to. Then I hope they come back over and over again asking for forgiveness, that way it may be in their mind not to do that again.

Leggs

October 31st, 2011
1:32 pm

“Then I hope they come back over and over again asking for forgiveness” – The only way I can see this happening is if the two still live together and are trying to maintain a relationship. Others, that would be the last thing I would want. Apologize once and let’s close the chapter.

Celisea

October 31st, 2011
1:36 pm

I agree. Sometimes you just grow and learn folks aren’t cut from the same cloth. Some can wrong a person and want to at least end things on a right foot and sometimes, folks don’t care. I think being to turn the page and close the chapter is the most important. IMO it’s delayed heartache and pain to keep watching and hoping a person will come up a road that frankly they don’t travel. Some folks have wronged but have since grown up and come to the realization hurting just ain’t right. And sometimes it’s unfortunate if you are the test model for their learning.

Exiled!

October 31st, 2011
1:39 pm

Chink?
Reconcile with a woman for what? That u didn’t marry her?

Nobody deserves anything from a man…

Why is that men have to apologize for not choosing a woman?

Celisea,why are women always pouting about hurting?

Don’t men bleed blood too?

SexyCool

October 31st, 2011
1:39 pm

Even if you are attempting to maintain a relationship, I couldn’t see the value in continuing to apologize for the same thing. It would say to be that any previous apology was insincere or that you do not believe that I have, if I have, in fact, forgiven you.

Either way, it signals an unresolved, ongoing issue.

Leggs

October 31st, 2011
1:41 pm

@SexyC ~ although there may not be value in it, human nature usually dictate that while trying to maintain the relationship a person is going to say I’m sorry, or please forgive me more than once. Guaranteed.

Celisea

October 31st, 2011
1:43 pm

MMeello – Celisea,why are women always pouting about hurting?

Why are you asking me? I’m not one for hanging on. I’ve moved on while hurting. I’ll be daggone though if Imma sit around and let you know I’m still hurting. I stay dang distracted until I’m good but I won’t ever give a man that. Now if it’s one that will say, hey can I talk to you and wants to make it right. I’ll tell it in that situation but sitting around waiting and hoping for apologies, waiting for closure? Please. Men ain’t doing that. Possibly those that know they messed up royally and know they lost a good thing for real.

Leggs

October 31st, 2011
1:43 pm

Doesn’t mean it’s insincere. The blunder could be so severe that one may feel the gumption to apologize more than once. Severity is in the eye of the wronged. People work though it and some can salvage their relationship, but I bet whether it’s a verbal “I’m sorry” or not, it has been conveyed more than once.

Celisea

October 31st, 2011
1:44 pm

And being able to “deal” with a person not big enough to admit their wrong don’t make the hurt hurt less, IMO it just keep a person more in tune with the reality of how relationships work and helps to put your big girl panties on and K.I.M.

Celisea

October 31st, 2011
1:46 pm

I should say keeps one in reality of the possible fall outs of love lost….yeah that’s what I meant.

Celisea

October 31st, 2011
1:47 pm

Meelloo – Don’t men bleed blood too?

I’m not a man but I believe so. I just think they’re going to move on if they realize it’s done or the damage is too severe to repair.

sfw

October 31st, 2011
1:49 pm

Only thing that made me think of it is a girl that accused my buddy of rape and then let him do his time and then appologized and when he wouldn’t accept it, she got upset.

SexyCool

October 31st, 2011
1:49 pm

Well, IF I’m bringing up the issue, then yes, a person could apologize again…I guess. But…if I’m not bringing it up, why would a person still be apologizing for it?

SexyCool

October 31st, 2011
1:50 pm

sfw – whatdahell?!?

Celisea

October 31st, 2011
1:50 pm

Rape? Oh my! That ain’t funny at all

Celisea

October 31st, 2011
1:51 pm

men lie women lie – You out there? How are you holding up?

sfw

October 31st, 2011
1:53 pm

Yeah no kiddin, she took 2 years of his life and then wants forgiveness, and got all pissy when he is holding a grudge, I heard about it, she thought as long as she said sorry then all should be right in the world forgiveness like that needs to really be earned, this guy wouldn’t hurt a fly.

Celisea

October 31st, 2011
1:54 pm

OMGosh….so now he’s convicted and she’s sorry?????

sfw

October 31st, 2011
1:57 pm

Yup, very sorry, only after he did his time, she wouldn’t come clean while he was in.

Celisea

October 31st, 2011
2:00 pm

That’s a daggone shame. Now that’s trifling…outright. That’s the other thing side of the coin. What you dish is what will come back to you.

SexyCool

October 31st, 2011
2:01 pm

He should be able to sue the sht outta her for his false conviction. And you should tell her that if she is REALLY sorry, then she would go to the authorities and own up to her bllsht and attempt to get this man’s name cleared.

Oh..but then…wait, she would then be faced with being charged with filing a false report, purjury, among other things. AND…buddy may have a case for reparations for the State prosecuting based on lies.

Yeah…she’s probably not THAT sorry, huh?

Leggs

October 31st, 2011
2:02 pm

@SexyC ~ I heard that nonesense. Kim looks like a fool and he looks like a bigger fool for marrying that bottomless pit….

sfw

October 31st, 2011
2:03 pm

She wants forgiveness for free, that is the only reason I made my original post, something small I can let go, once you start taking way more than you ever had the right to, then forgiveness must really be earned.

Randyt (aka...Been There, Done That, Have a Closet Full of T-Shirts)

October 31st, 2011
2:06 pm

Slightly different direction. I hate it when a past lover who has dumped you feels compelled to “explain” to you again why you are better off. They aren’t doing it for your sake, they are doing it for their own sakes. “It’s not you, it’s me”….yeah right.

Leggs

October 31st, 2011
2:06 pm

“…realize it’s done or the damage is too severe to repair.” ~ This should be true, yet I know some diehards who must believe nothing is ever too severe that it can’t be repaired.

@SexyC ~ because he or she may feel worse than whay they feel the mere words “I’m sorry” convey. Some apologize more than once just to drive home the point. It happens quite often…

Celisea

October 31st, 2011
2:08 pm

Leggs – Kim looks like a fool and he looks like a bigger fool for marrying that bottomless pit….

LOLOLOL…bottomless pit…soo sooo soooo true. Their mama should be crowned queen trash of all and given the lid of the can as the crown to wear. And Bruce is walking around without a pair.

GracieL

October 31st, 2011
2:08 pm

There’s absolutely NO reason to apologize for “not choosing” someone and moving on! Nobody “bleeds” from that, though they might get their feelings hurt a little.

But some people (men AND women) go to great lengths to make another believe they HAVE chosen them, with proclaimations of love and promises they have no intent to keep. For them, it’s normal to deceive and to cover up their deceipt, because they want what they get from you when you think you are truly loved and special to them — things you think because they tell you so with unrelenting regularity. Not talking about sex (as if!) but rather, those extra miles you go for a person when you believe in them, and think they believe in you. Deceipt + Manipulation = BONUS MILES! Some people work that angle on everyone they can, then brag about it to their friends. And if you catch them in the lies… “Hahaha! What, are you an idiot? You believed me? What’s wrong with you? You thought I loved YOU?”

No need to apologize for that. It can’t be fixed.

Randyt (aka...Been There, Done That, Have a Closet Full of T-Shirts)

October 31st, 2011
2:10 pm

:-) my ex-wife would every year or two, find a reason to say she was sorry, but then proceed to explain why it was still my fault. Not really an apology at all. Any time soemone says something, then says “but” and then starts explaining, is not apologizing at all.

Chink

October 31st, 2011
2:11 pm

once you start taking way more than you ever had the right to, then forgiveness must really be earned… I like that

Exile…If he want to leave he can GO but don’t string me along in the process that is WRONG. The day I start crying and begging for a dude to be with me I need to be commited to a mental institution because I would not be of sound mind.

Chink

October 31st, 2011
2:13 pm

For them, it’s normal to deceive and to cover up their deceipt, because they want what they get from you when you think you are truly loved and special to them — things you think because they tell you so with unrelenting regularity.

Now Isn’t that just plain Wrong on all Levels..smh ..I hear you Gracie

Leggs

October 31st, 2011
2:13 pm

By saying “but,” it negates everything that was said before that but!!!!

abc

October 31st, 2011
2:14 pm

Good reason to not communicate with exes, Randy. I’m perfectly happy to have no contact, really! Now and then, once in a great while, an old friend will ask about the ex, and act surprised when I tell them I have absolutely no idea what’s going on with them. Dude, call her up, and don’t feel obligated to update me, really.

Leggs

October 31st, 2011
2:16 pm

But some people (men AND women) go to great lengths to make another believe they HAVE chosen them, with proclaimations of love and promises they have no intent to keep. For them, it’s normal to deceive and to cover up their deceipt, because they want what they get from you when you think you are truly loved and special to them.

Yep, like the poster who was in bed with her man who didn’t have other gfs but her and he pulls out a weddubg ring for another. I hear ya….

Leggs

October 31st, 2011
2:18 pm

Did the trolls snatch the regulars from Blogsville? You do know this is the day the trolls roam free without any hassle from anyone.

DreamsMaterialize

October 31st, 2011
2:23 pm

Hey Everyone.

I don’t like to be wrong, so I usually apologize if I am. I don’t wait to do it though. Apologies too long after the fact don’t really have any value. Move on with your life and let me move on with mine. That’s where the growth is.