accessAtlanta

City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP
City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP

Dating: Should the chase be easy?

I read somewhere that some men actually enjoy “the chase” part of dating. When they find someone that intrigues them, they have the stamina to go the distance and do a little work to make things happen. I don’t know if that is true of most men in Atlanta. A lot of single women here will tell you that the guys they meet want it to be easy. Should the chase be easy?

Perhaps all it takes is the right people, under the right circumstances to make the chase enjoyable for both. It seems as if there would have to be a good balance of showing enough interest and being available, as opposed to playing hard to get all the time.

The trick is figuring out if you are both on the same page. I have to be honest, here. I don’t think a lot women really know when they meet a guy if he is the type that likes to put in a little work.

What do you think? If men are into the chase, how far are they willing to go? What is a reasonable amount of work and what is not?

Do men really want women who are “easy” to get or can they appreciate the woman who has made it clear she is not the easy to get type?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

407 comments Add your comment

Kym

October 27th, 2011
7:48 am

Good Morning All,

Okay I am going to monitor this topic and see where it goes but frankly I am not sure men are really “chasing” women anymore. Because well they don’t really have too. There are plenty of women who are chasing them so why should they chase. Women(Disclaimer: NOT ALL WOMEN) are “easy” to get because well..so many are going all in(not talking sex) from the jump soooo..why would the guy have to chase? I could be wrong but the more I talk here and to friends..well the game has changed..folks..the game has changed.

Randyt (aka...Been There, Done That, Have a Closet Full of T-Shirts)

October 27th, 2011
7:52 am

I guess I’m basically lazy because i’m not into chasing. If a lady and I hit it off, great, but to me it has to be mutual. I’m not into games, I’m not into competing, I’m not into ladies playing me…just not. The work involved in being “involved” should be shared equally. Of couse, maybe that is the reason I’m still single ;-)

Now “easy” is a totally different subject. Working for the physical intimacy is not the same for me as chasing a lady because sex is not the goal for me, it is part of the reality of a relationship. Most men I suspect would rather have a woman who conveys the illusion of “fewer miles” on it. If a woman has dropped her pants for every BSD that walks buy, it gives the impression of cheap. (And yes, I totally agree that this is a double standard).

Jay Anna

October 27th, 2011
8:17 am

Call me old fashioned, but I want to be pursued. The desire is in the pusuit!

sickoflazyguys

October 27th, 2011
8:30 am

I had a guy CHASE me for 6 mos before we were intimate and was always looking HOT whenever he saw me, we took vacations and did so much together ……well after 8 yrs, a few wks ago I found out that he is MARRIED!!!! Im just about SICK but am trying to regroup and move on …..I think its because im not the argumentative type, or a drama queen who needs a man to be up in my face 24-7, he took that for granted and my question to him would be HOW COULD YOU? But im not going to waste time looking back only chalking it up to a lesson WELL LEARNED! I have my own house/car/bike/job and all of my children are adults so im going to just chill alone! Im still the deer stuck in headlights …..PEACE

Long Time Ago

October 27th, 2011
8:32 am

Like Randy I wasn’t much for chasing. If a girl/women and I hit it off fine and we went from there. If she didn’t show any interest I just took the hint and moved on. Was never into stalking.

Islander

October 27th, 2011
8:34 am

In my twenties I would have chased more than I do now to get a woman I am interested in and I think she may be interested in me. Now that I am in my thrities, I don’t have time to chase and play games. She is either interested or she is not. If a woman is still playing games in her thirties, leave her alone unless you are into that kind of thing.

CoolShadow

October 27th, 2011
8:40 am

I realize that the chase is part and parcel of the game, but I have to perceive a sense of progress in my efforts. Not all chases are created equal and some chases I will put in more effort than others, and I’ll give up on a chase especially when the pursuit has become a waste of time.

Sometimes the line between chasing someone who is playing hard to get and being played gets blurred and you want to stay out of that zone.

I don’t think a lot women really know when they meet a guy if he is the type that likes to put in a little work.

This may be true, and a lot of men don’t know when they meet a woman if she’s worth the pursuit.

Randyt (aka...Been There, Done That, Have a Closet Full of T-Shirts)

October 27th, 2011
8:51 am

Something brutally honest needs to be stated here that may hurt some people’s feelings. Being the hottest looking does not always equate into being the best lover. Yes the attraction is initially stronger for a guy, but a woman who is shallow outside of the bedroom is usually just as shallow inside the bedroom. If a woman is comfortable in her own skin, and is a person capable of seeing beyond her own needs and wants is usually the one who wil put in extra effort to make the guy pleased and happy.

Now does this mean Randyt likes ugly but giving women, noooooo, but there is a reason I pass by the glamour shots types when perusing the dating sites.

LeeH1

October 27th, 2011
8:53 am

Sorry- “No means No” is the new mantra. Women either mena it, or they don’t. If they say “No,” then they should no longer expect to be pursued. Men should move along to someone else who won’t dither and say one thing, and mean another,

Women’s lib has saved a lot of women from harassment. It has also changed the rules, and women should grow up and quit playing games. Say “No” when you mean it, not as a come on to play a game of “pursuit and run.”

Kym

October 27th, 2011
9:00 am

Where is Leggs? I am thinking I might consult a professional matchmaker.

disco

October 27th, 2011
9:03 am

good morning guys. I agree with the consensus that the “chase game” is getting old. not saying women don’t like for men to step up and express interest, i appreciate it when a man speaks as to what he wants. flip side – I do believe a grown woman can open her mouth and express interest as well. still I don’t think all that “I’ll wait X number of days before calling” or “I’ll wait X number of days before calling back” or “I’ll say I’m busy when I’m really not as to give the illusion that I’ve got more going on than I do” is called for. if you are serious about dating, act like it. by no means am I saying be easy. I’m just saying be honest about who you are, what you want, what you are willing to accept. no point in a woman stringing along a guy she doesn’t want just because he’s chasing and she gets an ego boost out of it. flip side – no point in a grown man chasing any and everything just because he’s still keeping score to himself.

Randyt (aka...Been There, Done That, Have a Closet Full of T-Shirts)

October 27th, 2011
9:09 am

I am also thinking there are some age issues that have an effect on this. i went from dating in mylate teens/early 20’s to dating in my 40’s. At 40+ the women know what they want (for awhile, but is a moving target unfortunately), and maybe that is why 1) I don’t chase (they pick you), and 2) they don’t play those “sex” games (honestly, most women I have been intimate with, were the ones leading me to the bedroom…or it was just a mutual thing and we both just took it for granted and let it happen).

Maybe my perceptions of the chase are tempered by dating in an age group that can make up their minds without the “dance” anymore. Maybe rules change with age not the times.

26belly

October 27th, 2011
9:13 am

@sickoflazyguys, I need to post this reply on my dating site. That’s a tired ass excuse. You know doggone well that man was married within the first week of meeting him. To allow yourself to be squatted on like a toilet seat is your fault. I’ve heard the excuse before, three months, six months, a year before finding out or “accepting” the fact that the man is married, then you want to curse all men. Stop looking at his wallet and bling-bling and observe his habits, where he lives, and works!

Why am I going to chase after a one used barbie doll when there are so many other legitimate, mature, non-glamour pic (@ Randyt), adult women standing by on the sidelines. Yeah, we all have issues but when those other women realize that they have a legitimate man and they don’t have to wait or dance with the sisters on the cruise…its on!

Celisea

October 27th, 2011
9:15 am

Morning folks,

I have to be honest, here. I don’t think a lot women really know when they meet a guy if he is the type that likes to put in a little work.

Doesn’t matter. The model of man has not changed since creation. The hunt, the leader, the man all lie within. Men have become lazy and women have become easy (not all men, not all women). It doesn’t matter “how much” is too much or not enough if you will. The natural fluidity between a man and woman as onset by nature will have a built-in dictator or guage for what’s far enough and whether efforts are sufficient enough. If she wants to be caught with no game playing as we all know folks play games, she will be. If he wants her, as anything worth having then there will should be an intentional effort and honestly a woman interested is ALWAYS within reach.

A dude asking okay tell me how far to run before you “let me catch you” makes me ask really dude, really? This vaguely resembles the topic not so long ago of letting a man know you’re interested. That’s my nickle’s worth :)

Anyway, I’m starting the day off with meetings piled and back to back so I’ll have my laptop in the conference room and peeking from the sidelines.

Michael P.

October 27th, 2011
9:27 am

‘The Chase’ can be a good thing…or a bad one. There’s ‘Playing Hard to Get’ and then there’s ‘Teasing’. If she’s playing hard to get, then I feel there must be some indicator that she is, in fact, ‘playing’. I have known women who are so narcissistic that they would do all they can to attract away a good man from others without the slightest desire to actually be with them…they just don’t want anyone else to get them, or they simply want to prove that they still ‘have it’. They may even do it if they think the guy is more interested in someone else…even if it’s one of their own friends. Then again, I have known guys who would do the same thing.
When I’m dating, I don’t like to be played, and I have had a similar experience akin to what ’sickoflazyguys’ has spoken of…an attractive MARRIED woman who had me pursuing her until I found out the truth…and it did hurt.
If you ladies want to play and make him want you all the more, that’s fine, but let him know in some small way that it’s just a teasing little game to get both of your juices flowing, and that you truly are into him.
Nothing is more attractive to a man than a woman who truly shows that she wants to be with him and make him happy, and I would like to think it is the same with women.
When I choose a lady, I do all I can to make her every wish come true, and that isn’t always about spending tons of money on her. I treat her like a queen, and with respect, and I’m always a gentleman. And this treatment continues regardless of how long we have been seeing each other or whether or not we live together or get married. If you want a lot from a woman, then you have to give a lot…period. If this sounds more like work to you, then you may not be as into the lady as you thought you were, and vice versa.
And to all you ladies, please remember, that we like to be pursued as well, and it goes far beyond our egos or simple ‘bragging rights’. Men and women both get excited when we know that the person we are considering is mutually attracted to us, and I believe that’s how it should be. .

Randyt (aka...Been There, Done That, Have a Closet Full of T-Shirts)

October 27th, 2011
9:28 am

Interesting thought, Celisea, re the inner man. I suspect that cavemen would have been quite content to live in a pack of tasty bison and just pick one off with no effort as needed, rather than “the pursuit”. And as most of us acknowledge, sex just isn’t that difficult here in the ATL. Sometimes I think that “hunter” aspect is a tad exaggerated. Plenty of fruit on the trees for all. Then again, I have already acknowledged that I am lazy.

tj

October 27th, 2011
9:30 am

I am not yet thirty, and the thrill of the chase has gotten old for me. When I was in my early twenties, sure, I was into “chasing” women. Now, I have far more restraints on my time with graduate school, preparing for my new career after school, etc, that I really don’t have time for that anymore. Women that attend my school realize how time consuming school is, but still insist on the chase–I guess it is just in there genes. I have no problem stepping to a woman, but I have a short attention span these days. So, if I stop calling after a week or two, to me, you were not too interested. Some women are cool, though. You meet them on Wednesday, ask if they would like to meet for a quick cup of coffee on Thursday to chat, and they are cool with that. That is my type of chick–and the one that I have!

Randyt (aka...Been There, Done That, Have a Closet Full of T-Shirts)

October 27th, 2011
9:30 am

Well stated Michael P.

Michael P.

October 27th, 2011
9:32 am

Thanks Randy

thewindwhistler

October 27th, 2011
9:36 am

That is a great question. I really like it. The chase should be in relation to what is being chased. If the chaseie lives in Palm Beach or even one of those super expensive high rises in Buckhead, then the promise of riches makes for lot of time and effort chasing all worthwhile.
Actually, it is the female that initiates the chase, maybe a cute little smile, or a friendly greeting or maybe she just accidentaly bumps you with those “rising Beauties’ that is what gets the chase on.

czBrat

October 27th, 2011
9:42 am

luv cool shadow’s 8:40

HiYas!

my “no. thank you.” means “no! thank you.”. i’m not talking about dangling carrots or being coy. when i say i’m a lot of work i’m saying he has to put in the time, energy and interest to really get to know me IF he wants to be around for the long haul. and he will eventually show me all of his real self IF he expects me to be that true blue partner for life.

If men are into the chase, how far are they willing to go? What is a reasonable amount of work and what is not?
this is all subjective. when the right people get together, there is no limit to “how far are they willing to go” because they enjoy the journey. and the “work” is never really done because the closer they get, the more committed they are to work at keeping what they have.

nothing good comes easy. i’m not going to stare endlessly into a guys eyes and giggle at all of his jokes just because he looks the part or drives the right car or flashes the right card. try being someone i can be proud to call MINE; and i will do the same for you. now THAT’S work!

NOBODYYOUKNOW

October 27th, 2011
9:43 am

Had been married for 32 years to 2 women. I did do the chaseing and when I caught em and married em I guess I was not what they expected. They both divorced me. But now that I look back I must say they were not what I expected. I finaly came to the conclusion that I could live by myself and didn’t need anyone. However we parted as friends and are still friends. Its best if possiable to part ways and stay friends.

Celisea

October 27th, 2011
9:46 am

Randyt, the hunter the pursuer is there. Folks are easy and lazy now…again not all but really why put forth an effort if somewhere else not only do you not have to go get it but it’s brought to you?

Exiled!

October 27th, 2011
9:48 am

Good morning!

I disagree with almost everybody posting before me.

Yes,the chase is a good thing. Unless I don understand what Chase means.

I wouldn’t want a woman that’s easy to get. It reeks of desperation! And yes,there are more desperate females out there than there are really good ones I’m sure. That’s why the chase should be something you should invest in to get that gem.

An easy woman would be that one you identify,u take on a date and probably within that week or two,you’ve slept together already! Where is the chase in that?!!

Even when you two are intiallt attracted to each other,I think a man or woman must invest some time in really knowing this stranger. Hang out,do stuff etc and talk to each other and see if your two lives,families etc are compatible. Then if you the guy really feel that this chic is worth being your girl,let her know. If you don’t think so based on the amount of time you spend etc and you think she’s nice but not girlfriend worthy,make her your friend.

But to suggest that you meet a chic,she seems nice and gives u her number and from there you two become an item reeks of desperation.

Maybe it’s a reflection of some of uall’s ages But still.

What’s the Rush? :lol:

And like I said,if she’s easy,then she’s Easy!
Not worth it!

disco

October 27th, 2011
9:49 am

how do folks feel about the concept of “courting”? is that still alive and well?

What does NASCAR...

October 27th, 2011
9:51 am

…have to do with a dating blog?Are there really that many women interested in who wins the Sprint Cup?

Kym

October 27th, 2011
9:52 am

@disco..no..no it is not. As the soon to be 40 something..I am telling you it does not exist in the overall dating game.. now there might be two guys still courting..but they both have two left feet and live with their mamas..

Exiled!

October 27th, 2011
9:53 am

initially attracted to each other

Celisea

October 27th, 2011
9:54 am

MMeelloo – I think the general consensus from the women (so far) have all been about the same…as the premise of what you said. What do you not agree with?

Purple Reign

October 27th, 2011
9:55 am

The hunt, the chase…I like it. Just don’t get with a woman who has no set distance or finish line. I find more value in what I have worked hard for. If a woman was easy or just fell in my lap or pursued me I would basically not value her as much as I would one who I “worked/chase/hunted”. Like I hear my father tell my single sister. “If he won’t work to get you he won’t work to keep you or work to keep his household”

Randyt (aka...Been There, Done That, Have a Closet Full of T-Shirts)

October 27th, 2011
9:57 am

Is one chasing for sex, or is one chasing for that soulmate…two related but different questions. As Michael P put it above, I will work hard for a woman who seems to have the attributes I want in a soulmate…but the woman has to show interest too. This isn’t “Gone With The Wind”, and frankly those games Scarlett O’Hara played did not bring a lot of happeiness to anyone, did they? Hard to get translates into who needs.

The way to know if someone is right for you is to get to know the true person…and if both are playing games, one doesn’t find out who the other actually is until too far down the line.

Purple Reign

October 27th, 2011
9:58 am

Randyt at this point in life I think if someone is indeed chasing for the sex they have some issues. I thought we were talking about dating relationships

Celisea

October 27th, 2011
9:59 am

Soulmate Randyt, soulmate…lol Who chases for sex anymore. Folks hand that out like government cheese. Maybe I shouldn’t us that. Government ain’t as easy as it use to be

Randyt (aka...Been There, Done That, Have a Closet Full of T-Shirts)

October 27th, 2011
10:00 am

@ PR I agree, but I can’t always tell PR, the lines are blurred sometimes here on the blog.

Celisea

October 27th, 2011
10:00 am

Off topic:

I wonder when folks see me on my laptop during calls if they wondering “what is she doing/typing/reading?”

Celisea

October 27th, 2011
10:01 am

Not during calls, during the meetings

M. (pronouced M dot)

October 27th, 2011
10:01 am

Good day.

I think there is a huge myth that men want to chase women and women want to be chased. That Discovery channel ideology is totally false. I believe women want to CHOOSE a guy and not be chased because women think about it; if it’s a guy you gave your number too but you really aren’t interested but he doesn’t know that, you really don’t want him chasing you right?

Only 2 things will happen:
-You will be annoyed with him constantly calling you, texting you, facebook messaging you etc. You may like the attention but not from HIM.
-He will end up wasting his time on someone who is not interested.

The best thing to do is let the woman choose the guy she wants. Which is why if I meet a woman, I give her my number and see if she calls. If she is interested, she will call if not she’s not interested, at least I did not waste time sweating someone I just met. Sometimes if we switch numbers, I will call her once and if I don’t get her leave a message or send a text. If she does not call back, she is not that busy, just not that interested.

Exiled!

October 27th, 2011
10:01 am

Cee,

Kym,disco,Leeh1,sickoflazy are females and they did not write pro chase blogs…

Re-read what they said

NY2GA

October 27th, 2011
10:02 am

Honestly, I think there is a time and place for both. Sure, as men do we want some things to be easy, yes, but we also like the chase (term I really don’t like).

Exiled, I gotta disagree with you a little; I think almost all the prior post state some good points. Everyone is different, with different wants, thoughts, etc.

Mike P – good points, but making her every wish come true, really … save that for the future Mike P.

Purple Reign

October 27th, 2011
10:02 am

Randyt, very true. From my observations you can tell which ones are which on here and which ones are their own worst enemy when it comes to dating.

M. (pronouced M dot)

October 27th, 2011
10:02 am

Question to the women:

What are you really getting out of the chase? Is it a tool you use to measure to see how interested a guy is in you?

disco

October 27th, 2011
10:04 am

i agree with working hard for something you want and appreciating things more if you had to work for them but do you think every relationship has to be hard? I know we all agree that relationships are work but is it always necessarily hard work? has anyone ever been in a relationship with someone where things just generally went smoothly? again, not saying there wasn’t work involved, just saying maybe it wasn’t back-breaking work. my point being if you are working that hard to make it work then it probably isn’t working. how much work is too much work?

JustMe, Slim

October 27th, 2011
10:05 am

Morning all,

Purp – Your post reminds me of how, to this day, the beau will bring up an occurence when we were supposed to go out but I cancelled. I was in the process of moving and had to get my uncle to fix a few things at the old spot before the move. He always says how he felt like I made that excuse up because I wasn’t that into him or something or to go out with someone else. I’m like, You’re still holding on to that? lol

Purple Reign

October 27th, 2011
10:05 am

M., why did she give the number to a guy that she did not want to call her in the first place? That right there tells me something is off with her. If you don’t want to talk to someone don’t give them access to you.

All of these games are just games. IF a man wants a woman pursue her if it works it works if it doesn’t find another. I really believe that the man sets the tone for the courting and relationship if there is to be one. If the woman does I am sure that the man will grow to resent that on done the road unless he is actually looking for his mate to be his “mother”

Randyt (aka...Been There, Done That, Have a Closet Full of T-Shirts)

October 27th, 2011
10:09 am

@ Just Me, Slim…your post makes me wonder how many women I have walked away from who WERE genuinely interested, but I took their put off to be a rejection and a lack of interest.

Purple Reign

October 27th, 2011
10:09 am

Slim are you talking about the time we went out and you lied to your boyfriend? Yeah I remember that.

kimmie

October 27th, 2011
10:09 am

Morning All!!

Never thought I be saying this, but I agree with Exiled, especially about the 5th paragraph down, the long one about getting to know each other. I also agree with Celisea.

None of this stuff is really that hard if the intent and interest is there for both parties. When they are both interested in pursuing a relationship with each other, whether it be something serious, something light, whatever. They agree and go about putting in the effort to make it what they want it to be.

I don’t have anything to say about the folks messing with marrieds. You knew what was going on.

OSHH

October 27th, 2011
10:11 am

Nothing worth having is easy to obtain, but at the same token folk should not play games.
Getting to know people takes time. It’s not easy to just open yourself up completely to strangers nor is it easy to trust, hence the time factor. I know for fact, it’s not easy getting next to me.
I have to feel a person out and gradually let them get to know me if I deem them worth of knowing .

Purple Reign

October 27th, 2011
10:11 am

How does one date someone for 8 years and not know that they are married? At that point it pains me to say but it really shouldn’t matter.

Purple Reign

October 27th, 2011
10:12 am

Heck how does one date for 8 years?