Can you date a friend’s ex?
There is an ongoing debate among friends about who is off limits to date and who isn’t. Can you date someone who was involved with your friend? Is it a bad idea or does it make sense?
I believe that it should depend on how comfortable everyone is with the idea. If there was a long relationship that ended badly, obviously there is potential for drama and awkwardness. If it was a casual dating situation, then maybe it won’t be an issue.
Do you think that once someone has dated a friend of yours, you should steer clear?
Have you ever dated a friend’s ex or have you dated a friend of your ex?
Did it become a problem?
Do you think it is good practice to get their permission/blessing?
By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog
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133 comments Add your comment
gapeach
October 25th, 2011
8:06 am
I don’t know why anyone would want to date their friend’s ex. Things obviously didn’t work out for your friend and probably won’t be any better for you either. I know that’s not the case all the time, but there is a good chance that it won’t work out. I understand there are some cases where the friend didn’t mesh well with the person they were dating and you and the ex might, but how good are those chances? Are they worth the risk of losing a friend or going dating someone that isn’t that great? I guess it all comes down to your friend and what they have to say about their ex and why it didn’t work out. I just think it’s a little to risky.
Sweet Pea
October 25th, 2011
8:18 am
Good Morning!
I have never dated a friend’s ex nor desired to do so. I am a friend until the end so to avoid a rift I feel would eventually happen, I stay clear. I can’t imagine being booed up with a “has been” of yours even if you gave me permission/blessing! Yep, the line is drawn in the sand for me….I don’t cross the friend’s line to get with a ex!
I personally know a couple of people(men) who went after the exs of their friends after getting clearance. I thought men were territorial and to do this was distasteful, however to each his own.
GracieL
October 25th, 2011
8:22 am
Not without prior permission! A friend does not take a player from another friend’s roster without getting the okay, no matter how long ago it was or how short the contract. It’s disrespectful to the friend to proceed without the nod.
Button
October 25th, 2011
8:26 am
Good morning, I think it’s a bad idea and it doesn’t make sense to date a friend’s ex. There would be so many questions popping up in my head as to how long they’ve had these feelings, and have they already been secretly seeing each other behind my back if my friend were to date my ex. There are somethings that are just off limits. BUT if it were to happen I would have to be the adult and give them my blessings, I can’t stop or control who someone wants to be with.
disco
October 25th, 2011
8:57 am
Good morning. First things first – the radio should not be able to play little wayne so early. I’m walking around the office thinking “make it rain, make it make it rain”.
on topic – once upon a time I would have quickly announced that exes are off limits. now it’s not as cut and dried. for one, being older and more selective dating options are a lot more limited than they were once upon a time. back in the day you didn’t date exes because you didn’t want to hurt a friend’s feelings. now, 20+ years later the game has changed and folks should be more in control of their feelings. most are seeking more serious relationships and if a potential suitor just happens to be the ex of a friend it seems like the parties involved should be able to handle it. after all, ex by definition means somebody didn’t want somebody. when everything is said and done you have to do what works for you. you might lose a “friend but gain the person that you’ll spend the rest of your life with.
mark
October 25th, 2011
9:11 am
no thats never a good move! Trust me on that:(
MsMarriedUp
October 25th, 2011
9:15 am
Good morning everyone.
No I couldn’t and wouldn’t. At least not date, date. I mean what is this…’excuse me, can you please pass the mashed potatoes?’
JustMe, Slim
October 25th, 2011
9:34 am
Good morning all, I’m baaaaaaaack from TN and back at work
I drank so much over the last 4 days I think i need a break from Henny and Goose.
As far as on topic, I don’t think it should be good practice to date your friends’ exes…thin line there. But stranger things have happened.
oneofeach4me
October 25th, 2011
9:47 am
There is a silent code of respect between friends that should be understood. There are some things that are off limits. An Ex is one of those things. Plus.. just remember.. once you begin sleeping with that person’s Ex, you have also slept with your friend. IJS.
kimmie
October 25th, 2011
9:56 am
Morning All!
It’s generally not a good idea to date a friend’s ex. But it can depend on how long ago they dated, how long did they date, if they are still in touch, many factors to consider. The maturity level of all involved.
There was a guy I grew up with that got introduced to his wife by his ex. Things did not work out with him & the ex, but the ex still thought highly of him and thought he & her friend would hit it off. They did and the rest is history. And you are talking about folks that were in their mid to late 20’s at the time.
So it can work, but generally it does not.
Celisea
October 25th, 2011
9:59 am
Morning Lovelies,
Personally for me, I wouldn’t and I would hope to receive the same from a friend.
I dunno though. I’m thinking like Kimmie. How long ago, what are the circumstances, etc.? If I parted ways with someone and say ten years later, the departed SO and friend happen to “find one another” honestly though what code is broken? Would that be so wrong? Outside of a “friend” stepping in and infringing on a marriage there aren’t any hold backs.
disco
October 25th, 2011
10:00 am
one of each – not trying to be contrary but if we are to operate on the theory that by sleeping with a person you’ve in theory slept with everyone they’d slept with then we’ve also got to figure in the six degrees of separation theory and, well, you see how far things can go operating on that assumption. I remember back in high school a girl that I knew died from aids. a group of us literally sat in class constructing a flow chart. aids victim dated blank. she had a baby by blank. this person is currently seeing blank and so on and so forth. in our minds and on paper we had created an entire list of HIV positive folks all on supposition. my point being – a relationship is between two people. others play a factor but the core relationship is based on the two parties involved.
disclaimer: I know it sounds like I’m the skank who’ll date behind my friends. not what I’m saying. I think the point I’m trying to make is that people aren’t property. we don’t own one another when we are together and we surely don’t own one another once we break up. once you break up you don’t have rights to the ex and can’t claim him as “my ex”. it’s done. it’s over. that’s that.
Raqi
October 25th, 2011
10:00 am
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
disco
October 25th, 2011
10:05 am
last year I hooked a girlfriend up with an ex. he and I are still cool but we are more opposites and I’ve decided that I’m more of a “like attracts like” person than I am an “opposites attract” person. they dated solidly for awhile and are still kind of seeing each other. thing is, he works his main job and recently started a business so he’s busy and my (female) friend feels somewhat neglected because he doesn’t have lots of free time. still, I wish them the best and if it works out, great. if not, I wouldn’t have a problem introducing him to another friend. he’s a great guy. he’s just not for me.
Celisea
October 25th, 2011
10:07 am
I think as long as there’s some sort of “flicker” then yeah I can see someone being a bit jaded. But for me (and no I’m not the rule of thumb), after so long a time and time has removed any “feelings”, I don’t think I would be too bothered. Again that’s taking into account maturity, outgrowing, feelings abated, etc.
kimmie
October 25th, 2011
10:07 am
Hey Raqi, what’s up?
disco – See, mature individuals involved with you and your friend, just like the guy I spoke of.
oneofeach4me
October 25th, 2011
10:16 am
Disco ~ I don’t think I said that anyone was property. At all. What I am saying is that me, personally, I would NOT do it for a number of reasons. I wasn’t going into the six degrees of separation, I was using the “I am sleeping with my friend too) in the manner of knowing this guy was with my home girl before me and I think relationships are hard enough. Let’s not bring more drama into than has to be. I prefer to meet a man on my own.
The only way I could see the potential there is if you met this person out, not realizing they had dated your friend at one point and found out only after a relationship ensued. It’s just my personal opinion, which everyone is entitled to, and I would not do it.
Sassy Me..Sun Kissed ;-)
October 25th, 2011
10:21 am
Can you date someone who was involved with your friend?
NO. The thought alone disturbs me. As stated earlier, there exists a silent code about dating exes of friends and I’d never cross that line. I respect myself and the few women I do consider friends too much to do something like that…regardless of how long ago the break-up happened.I mean how would that friend feel?…I’m sure at some point it would alter the friendship and not in a good way…so in the end is it really worth it?
Celisea
October 25th, 2011
10:24 am
Reading disco’s 10:05, it made me think back on this dude that I soooo had a hankering for. All of high school and a couple of years after. We hung out a bit but I never took him seriously because he always seemed to have a gang of chicks hanging on him. So, I liked him and his cuteness but not ever enough to trust him. Fast forward about 10 years (as ya’ll know we kept in touch), me and kid’s dad was hanging out one Sunday along with a third whell friend of mine. I wasn’t feeling the third wheel that day and she didn’t want to be by herself soooo, I called him and he was cool going along as her date, if you will. After all that time had passed and really getting some insight to just how wh@ish he really was (we hung out sometimes), I didn’t feel a thing for him or else I wouldn’t have invited him. In all fairness to myself, before calling him, I warned her of how he was, that he was just filling in so she wouldn’t be alone or a third wheel and TO NOT BE BLOWN AWAY BY HOW FINE HE WAS….seriously. Needless to say she didn’t heed my warning. When he got out of his car talk aobut smitten. They “hooked” up that evening. The entire night I was in her ear. After he freel felt her up and she let him, I was like “don’t do it.” She called him months and months after that but he never returned her calls. Me and him? Still cool as ever
Celisea
October 25th, 2011
10:25 am
When I say “we hung out a bit”…translation dated When I say we still hung out translation as friends..nothing more or less
Exiled!
October 25th, 2011
10:26 am
Good morning.
No,for the most part.
Especially if we were introduced prior to their break up and knew each other. I don’t care how long ago that was.
The only time I would do it or excuse a friend is if they never knew her,I never mentioned that to them or vice versa and it all happened by accident or coincidence.
Because knowingly dating my ex means u craved her All Along.
What type of a ‘friend’(???) are u or am I?
I don’t f-ck where my folks f-ck!
Plain and simple.
Dogs and beyeotches do that!
Have a nice day!
disco
October 25th, 2011
10:28 am
i met a guy back in 95 and we dated for years. he and I are still in contact to this day. after meeting his brother I’ve long since joked that I wish I’d met his brother first. I never had any intention of dating his brother or anything else but I love to mention it just to get the rise out of him. this guy has moved on from me, married, had 3 children and yet it still irks him to hear me mention that I wish I had met his brother first. even if I ask in conversation “how’s your brother doing” he gets ticked. comical. personally, I don’t get it. if you don’t want me – don’t worry about what next fellow might want me.
I also know of women that are overly possessive like that re their “baby daddy”. like he’s off the market to everyone else forever because they have a kid by him. again, I don’t get it.
JustMe, Slim
October 25th, 2011
10:28 am
And to add, outside of feeling weird if they messed around with each other, I’d feel uncomfortable talking about the relationship with my friend.
SexyCool
October 25th, 2011
10:32 am
Hey, Rock…I’m so official. (lol)
SexyCool
October 25th, 2011
10:32 am
Depends on the circumstances, quite frankly.
Raqi
October 25th, 2011
10:33 am
Hey Kimmie. You see I “shrugged” at the issue ‘cause you know…well you know. LOL I know in some cases it does not work but in my case ¯\_(ツ)_/¯.
I have had one person in the last 11 years that has tried hard to make me feel some kind of way about being with the wonderful man that I am with. I quickly shut that down by telling that person her trying to come at me cross-eyed about something that is none of her business is like trying to make me feel bad because I inherited great genes from my grandmother and mother. HA!!! Good luck with that. Yes I AM on the upper level of attractive.
Or trying to make me feel bad because I birth beautiful babies. Or because I am smart. Or because I have the legs of a 20 year old runner. Or because I keep an immaculate home. Or because I drive a nice car.
My place in life is legal. What do I have to feel bad about? (LOL) It’s honest and it’s honorable.
He’s happy. I’m happy. And God is perfectly pleased with it.
Screw all that man/woman code crap. As long as the man above is fine with it, its a go.
And I agree about the maturity of it all and the time that has gone by.
Raqi
October 25th, 2011
10:34 am
Hey SEXYCOOL. Big hug…hold on let me detach this baby from my pap…Big Hug to you.
disco
October 25th, 2011
10:34 am
SCool – your “official” comment made me think color purple “I’se married now”. I know the wedding hasn’t taken place yet but with the ring “you’se official now”.
dyslexicbunny
October 25th, 2011
10:35 am
Only if you have too many friends.
Exiled!
October 25th, 2011
10:42 am
How do u know God is happy with whatever u do really.
U only hope he is.
oneofeach4me
October 25th, 2011
10:44 am
@disco ~ I agree with the baby daddy thing; just because you have a child with him does not mean he cannot or should not be with someone else if not with you. However, we are talking between complete strangers here, not friends. I surely wouldn’t date my friend’s child’s father under any circumstances.
SexyCool
October 25th, 2011
10:44 am
disco – exactly!!!
kimmie
October 25th, 2011
10:44 am
disco – One of my best friends was possessive about a guy that she was just friends with! He was a dude that attended UGA with us, but being that UGA is so huge, it is entirely possible to not know everyone in your graduating class. Anyway, after college they both got a job up in Conn and ran into each other there. They did not date. She was into athletes and had a man and he was a short nerd. 3 years down the road he gets transferred back here and moves in the same general neighborhood as me. We connect and get to be friends and start to date some. She was not happy about it. She said even though they did not date and she was in no way attracted to him in that way, it made her uncomfortable. He dated one of her other friends and she was okay with it. She said it just seemed like we were not a good match and it was like I was dating her brother. That ended up being true and we really only “went out” a few times before we realized we were better as platonic friends. We never did the do, just made out a few times. But she really acted weird about it. He moved on and got married and has a few kids, we have all moved on.
I had not thought about that in years. But I have seen cases of that – folks possessive about friends or brothers or cousins, etc.
Celisea
October 25th, 2011
10:47 am
And I could be wrong here but IMO to be “offended” over an ex would indicate some feelings remain. Really when folks move on and get over, you really don’t care what they do and with whom it’s getting done.
MMEELLOO – There’s no code in the good book that you can’t marry someone available. As long as he’s available and don’t have several wives he still have yet to finish vows with…God is good and he’s happy.
disco
October 25th, 2011
10:52 am
ooh. I am just chock full of stories today. re possessiveness. in general, I allow my son (22) and youngest brother (my other son, 26) to date who they want but I have a friend who is 40 something and was creeping with the 26 year old son of a friend of hers and she always went on and on about how great he was and how much fun she was having. I was blunt about the fact that if a chick – a friend of mine, acquaintance of mine, a neighbor of mine – whoever over 40 was pushing up on my son or brother said chick would have to deal with me. my son and brother think it’s hilarious but they know I mean it. this cougar stuff can go too far…
Randyt (aka...Been There, Done That, Have a Closet Full of T-Shirts)
October 25th, 2011
10:53 am
timely because over the weekend i watched the chic flic, “Something Borrowed” where the girl’s best friend falls in love herher fiance. Won him, lost freindship.
Easy answer for a guy…sex is easy in ATL, love is harder, a true friend is hardest and rarest of all. Not worth ruining a friendship over a minor infatuation that the odds say is not going to last anyway.
That said, I did want to date my best friend’s ex a few years ago (met her before I even knew they were a couple), after a reasonable amount of time and permission given. However, another so-called friend of ours jumped on the opportunity immediately…and they are no longer friends. Again, not worth losing a friendship.
Celisea
October 25th, 2011
10:54 am
but I have a friend who is 40 something and was creeping with the 26 year old son of a friend of hers
Horse of another color…I would be livid
Exiled!
October 25th, 2011
10:57 am
‘As long as he’s available’
I don’t think so Celisea!
dogs do better than that test.
Man has to have a lil more scrutiny and moral values beyond ‘as long as he’s available’
Like I said earlier,dogs and animals fck mom,sister,friend,neighbor etc. They don’t care.
Men?
We expect a lil better.
But desperate men and beyeotches take it up a notch!
disco
October 25th, 2011
11:01 am
celisea – I was livid and I was on the outside looking in. it finally came to light and she and her friend had a few words and parted ways. I told her she’s lucky she had a “talking” friend because I would have thrown blows behind that one.
Mitzymy
October 25th, 2011
11:01 am
My daughters ex was dated by her best friend, after she took her friend in when she had no where to live with her children. She took care of her and helped her get in school and helped her get a job. She fed her and her children, even though she and the ex had 3 in the household together. He has since tried to get back with my daughter because he is not happy with her ex friend. My daughter is through with both of them. It is not a good idea to hook up with your friends ex. These 2 were together for 12 years, so you know there were still feelings in the mix. Don’t do it, because you will lose a dear friend, and he is never worth it.
Sassy Me..Sun Kissed ;-)
October 25th, 2011
11:01 am
…sex is easy in ATL, love is harder, a true friend is hardest and rarest of all. Not worth ruining a friendship over a minor infatuation that the odds say is not going to last anyway.
Real talk Randy…
Celisea
October 25th, 2011
11:05 am
MMeelloo – dogs do better than that test.
I meant “available” as in free to marry. Not anything juvenile or petty or crass.
Exiled!
October 25th, 2011
11:11 am
There is nothing crassier than jumping/lurching onto someone just because they are now free from the ’shackes’ of somebody else u happen to know.
They do that in Hollyweird,u know.
Are we now living by those standards?
Nate Dogg
October 25th, 2011
11:11 am
It ain’t no fun if the homies can’t have none.
THE INFAMOUS DK
October 25th, 2011
11:12 am
RAQI – Hola you!! And you know my stance on this one.. I think thats how we became friends.. Arguing about this one.. No firends shouldnt date a friends ex-snatch.. But whatever works..
THE INFAMOUS DK
October 25th, 2011
11:12 am
Hey erybody!!
Exiled!
October 25th, 2011
11:16 am
and I will shut this by saying my friend is my brother. We like blood.
now how is that dating and f-cking ur brother’s ex working for ya?
sorry if I made anyone sore!
Raqi
October 25th, 2011
11:17 am
Celisea, exactly. When that day come for me stand before God it will only be what I did and did not do to please him that matters. He will not be judging me based on what another person’s opinion or willingness to do or have done. As long as he is fine with it, what people say or think means nothing.
So many people forfeit true happiness and peace of mind because they are too busy trying to live up to and keep up with what others think about what they are doing. All while some freely doing things that the Man upstairs is not pleased with.
And I did not lose a friend. I gained a best friend, a confidant, a golden parachute.
CazLand
October 25th, 2011
11:18 am
Communication is the key,talk to the friend to gauge the temp.Just cause they say it’s ok, may not mean it to be true.
Leon Phelps....Live and In color!!!
October 25th, 2011
11:19 am
Depends on how much info has been shared….If my boy told me she was all about it, and he has moved on with no expectations, then girl might get got!!
Raqi
October 25th, 2011
11:21 am
Hello Infamous. Yes it was this very subject that you and your Bro-man tried to double team me. LOL I remember telling the both you ‘wait for me to leave him based merely on the fact that some strangers think it shouldn’t be. Hell will freeze over twice before that happens’.
13 Years after my first husband died was more than enough time.
And honestly are we all somebody’s ex at one point or the other.
Chink
October 25th, 2011
11:22 am
I have never been attracted to my friends man …they are off limits and I would hope my friends would do the same.
If a friend of mine would ever date someone I dated and they knew it was my ex I would question their loyalty and wonder if there was some jealousy going on,
Now this only applies to guys I have gone down a physical/emotional route with guys who I just talked with I could care less.
kimmie
October 25th, 2011
11:24 am
Raqi – A lot of people want to pick and choose what they want to be all moral and judgemental about.
Celisea
October 25th, 2011
11:29 am
Raqi – You are 100 percent today. Exactly. Folks immoral all over the place yet keeping a standard or code based on others. When in fact we all have to take that judgement stroll before the man upstairs? Please. Go on girl and get your happy on
Yes, I remember that argument too. I think your ex would want you to be happy.
MMEeLLO – I’m not debating with your because we aren’t saying the same thing. You’re talking about smashing and that’s it. I’m talking about moving on and living life….your life. Finding true happiness. Bump what a man or woman thinks. I’m not talking about having some chick you dusted remain in reserve…all cause you dusted. What are you holding on to that for. Let the past be the past and let the past be someone’s future..if you will. And no I’m not talking about a chomp that’s got a girl and hitting up her friend too. No bullcrappery or childish mess.
Raqi
October 25th, 2011
11:32 am
Kimmie, exactly. And in this case judgmental about something that there is no actual law against or indiscretion taking place. I would not have done it if they were brothers but just friends? It’s all good.
Now I can see if we got together while I was still married or even a month after his death. That would be wrong. But 13 years after he DIED?!?!
Girl I ain’t studin’ these folks. LOL
disco
October 25th, 2011
11:33 am
I won’t say we’re all in agreement but I will say that I’m in agreement. move on, do you, be happy being with someone who wants to be with you. everyone else can kick rocks.
Exiled!
October 25th, 2011
11:35 am
Raqi don’t need to justify to nobody if she’s happy!
Only God will judge her.
But we still have opinions,regardless.
Celisea,u are saying the ‘the end justifies the means!’ I hear u Loud and Clear!
So as long as somebody dates,fCkcs and marries that friend’s ex,it’s All Good!
I think not.
I don’t see how we are Not debating the same thing.
Somebody steals money. But instead of stealing and gambling that money,they feed the family. That’s considered good?
I miss your end justifies the means mantra.
Tell me something Iam missing?
thewindwhistler
October 25th, 2011
11:37 am
That is an unusually great question. I really like it. There is absolutely nothing wrong about dating a friend;s ex or for the ex to date your former friend or for an ex to date an ex. I had an aquaitance whose name was ex. He was a
grand fello, talented author, man about town and bombivant.
tucker
October 25th, 2011
11:37 am
my exes are open to whoever wants them, i’ve moved on to a happy marriage and closed the door on all previous relationships
Jackie Hood
October 25th, 2011
11:40 am
A think that a friend’s ex is off limits completely and forever. Personally, my few friends are like family to me;I do not do Family & friends.
hazel
October 25th, 2011
11:43 am
I would not. It is just weird at so many levels. But if you don’t respect your friendship then go ahead!
Exiled!
October 25th, 2011
11:46 am
Raqi,if u don’t mind.
Ask ur hubby,when exactly he realized he had feelings for U..before ur hubby died or soon after he died and why? ..I know it’s a moot point.
But u get my drift…
SexyCool
October 25th, 2011
11:46 am
Um…yeah…so…I ended up signing up for my first half marathon. (Yikes!!!)
But, er, um…WHY do my non-running friends not think that it would be great for this to also serve as a bachelorette trip?!? (lol)
disco
October 25th, 2011
11:50 am
I’m sitting here reflecting on how I would feel if it were me. if one of my friends wanted one of my exes. quite frankly – I still feel the same. as long as it’s on the up and up and no sneaking, creeping around then I say have at it. heck, my real friends know what went down in the relationship. they know if I was caught up or passing time. they know if he was the bigger issue or if I was the bigger issue. heck, it almost seems like I’m doing them a favor having pre-screened the guy for them. if it’s what they want to do, it’s their life and I wish them the best. I just can’t say that I feel some kind of way about someone dating an ex. I say this now because it’s where I am in my life. granted WAY BACK in high school a girlfriend dated behind me and I was quite resentful. now I recognize that it’s not that real. I’m not holding on to old feelings for old flames. talk about baggage….
Peaches
October 25th, 2011
11:54 am
I “dated” a friend of my ex and it ended amicably when we decided to just be friends instead. The problems started after my ex and I got back together….the friend did everything he could to sabotage our re kindled relationship. The ex and I are still together, the friend is pi**ed off at both of us!! I will add, the friend was 17yrs younger than me…
Matt
October 25th, 2011
11:56 am
That’s a major violation of the Bro Code.
kimmie
October 25th, 2011
12:01 pm
SCool – I totally feel your non-running friends. I have tried, but I absolutely HATE running. Walking, biking, swimming, all good. Running no. Bachelorette parties should consist of relaxing, spaing, drinking, dancing, laughing, eating, pampering, etc!
But hey, that’s just me. Do you, Bachelorette!
oneofeach4me
October 25th, 2011
12:01 pm
Just because someone makes their own choices about whether or not they personally would date a friend’s ex does not mean they are judgmental nor does it mean that they care what other’s say or think. I move and live off of my own moral compass. I have very few close female friends, and I choose NOT to go down that road. That does not mean I am judging you should you choose to do so. Some things are just not for me. To each their own, but don’t judge me because I choose not to do it if you don’t want to be judged because you do.
NaturallyK
October 25th, 2011
12:03 pm
Nope. Never. Too many fish in the sea.
SexyCool
October 25th, 2011
12:07 pm
kimmie – I hate running too. (lol)
Talented10th
October 25th, 2011
12:12 pm
Yuck.
Search the term “Eskimo Brothers” and you’ll say YUCK, too.
Or ILK….
Exiled!
October 25th, 2011
12:15 pm
Lol
there u go Peaches!
CHELLE
October 25th, 2011
12:26 pm
Neva dated a friends’ man, “respect for myselft thing”. Now what my friends do, can be another story. But, I guess what has to be defined is the definition of what you call a friend. To me a friend is like my sister or brother, and I would never lay down with what they got up with.
Miss Dani
October 25th, 2011
12:35 pm
Never a good idea – won’t ever work, even when permission is granted!
Willie Dynamite
October 25th, 2011
12:41 pm
Afternoon All,
No, plain and simple. Jump-offs, drive-bys, etc don’t count. If either them or I actually dated said chick then she is off limits. Then again I only have a FEW friends so the pool really is not that restrictive.
Raqi
October 25th, 2011
12:49 pm
CONGRATULATIONS SexyCool!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
SexyCool
October 25th, 2011
12:55 pm
(blushing….)
JustMe, Slim
October 25th, 2011
1:03 pm
I’ve had an ex from a friend try to holla at me…
Sweet Pea
October 25th, 2011
1:07 pm
Oneofeach4me-I like your 12:01pm post!
Willie Dynamite
October 25th, 2011
1:26 pm
On Topic – I am understandably biased on the subject. I think i’ve shared this before but anyway here goes. In college I was caught slipping big time. I had a good girl in all senses of the word. She was a few years older than me and much more established (worldly, so to speak). I was 19 and she was 25 and had been through some real life situations. I on the other hand was still a knucklehead and very much deep in the game. The streets had me still at this point. At any rate my Ace Boon who i hung out with, drank, smoked, did everything with was the proverbial snake in the grass. This dude was going back telling ol gurl everything I was doing or not doing. I admit I was wrong but this dude broke all the rules. He ended up with My Chick on some straight fuggery. I was honestly heartbroken but I manned up and told her the truth. As for buddy, I let him know in no certain terms that isht was foul and it was bout to get ugly. My old skool mentor actually let me know the deal. I slipped and it didn’t matter who caught me slipping. I learned two valuable lessons from that; 1.) A man only has about 2-3 friends in his lifetime, The rest are just acquaintances. 2.) Don’t expect the next person to do right when you wrong.
I don’t know if that fits into the topic squarely but I felt like it was close enough.
kimmie
October 25th, 2011
1:26 pm
Just Slim – That’s happened a few times to me. And one of my exes tried to holla at one of my best friends. She said he tried to reason with her and told her he didn’t want me anymore and that had nothing to do with the hots he had for her.
JustMe, Slim
October 25th, 2011
1:34 pm
kimmie – That was a bit overkill as far as what your ex told your friend. Wiggety Wack if you ask me.
kimmie
October 25th, 2011
1:36 pm
Willie – We all live and learn. Stuff like that shapes you for life. My situation I told Slim about above happened with my first serious boyfriend in college. Before that there was a guy I was casually dating as well as becoming very good friends with. He was a very handsome guy. One of my first so-called female friends in college was apparently eyeing him as well. She had been around the block some and was very experienced, whereas I was still a little green. He was an upstanding guy and told me how she was hitting on him behind my back. Was telling him how experienced she was and what she would “do” to him if she ever got the chance, unlike green me. I appreciated him telling me. He & I remained friends, but I proceeded immediately to her dorm room and cussed her behind out.
I learned to watch my back better and chose my friends a lot more carefully.
kimmie
October 25th, 2011
1:39 pm
Slim – He was a sleaze. She told me on one occasion when we went out on a double-date that he was trying to get a feel under the table. I was very glad to be rid of his skinny behind.
JustMe, Slim
October 25th, 2011
1:42 pm
Willie – That is a perfect candidate for a BAB body suit.
i'm swiss™
October 25th, 2011
1:45 pm
Bro’s before ho’s. That is all.
Afternoon, folks!
JustMe, Slim
October 25th, 2011
1:47 pm
Willie – It’s one thing to try to get someone’s girl on their own merit but when you start throwing salt to make yourself look better, then that is MOIST behavior if I ever saw it…especially when it comes to the man-code…
kimmie – Sleaze isn’t even the word
Raqi
October 25th, 2011
1:56 pm
Life is like a box of chocolates…¯\_(ツ)_/¯.
(My son sent me that “shrug” in an email a few months ago. I think it’s cute.)
Willie Dynamite
October 25th, 2011
1:58 pm
Slim/Kimmie – yeah dude went above and beyond. It took alot for me not to go medieval on him. I mean its one thing to lose a chick but not like that. I took my lumps and K.I.M. I’m still somewhat cordial with Chick since about 5 yrs after. We have mutual friends and we see each other every other yr or so. But buddy still might get smacked and choked out if I see him on the streets. Time is on his side because I’m a better person now. But still….
Exiled!
October 25th, 2011
2:01 pm
Absolutely Swiss!
‘throwing salt to make urself look better’
whatchu know about Man law bode section 3 Chapter IV,article 2 Slim?
If bros are targeting the same ho,no misrepresentation to the ho is allowed by either party but if one party violates that,the other bro sets the record str8!
I have followed this code to the T,and advised the ho that my bro has one car and not 2 and its not a bentley.
She made her own decision thereafter.
kimmie
October 25th, 2011
2:12 pm
Raqi – I like that shrug!
JustMe, Slim
October 25th, 2011
2:17 pm
Exiled – I heard about it on tv lol
I believe I told yall the story about a friend of my exes…I gave him a ride home one day and he left his glasses in the back seat. So he came by the house one day to pick them up. WHy did this fool tell folks at a party that I came to the door in just a t-shirt and panties on which was a Bold face lie!!! Whenever he’d get drunk, he’d stare at me or try to talk to me. Then one day celebrating New Years out at a club, it was crowded as heyal and he grabbed my arm in the crowd when me and the bf at the time were trying to walk by. I thought fa sho that the ex was about to get up in his a s s…If I see him I still don’t talk to him. LIAR!
Leggs
October 25th, 2011
2:22 pm
Good afternoon!
I’ve never been in position where I dated a friend’s ex. Probably won’t find myself in that position going forward in life.
kimmie
October 25th, 2011
2:24 pm
Just Slim – Yeah, these dudes on here trying to sound all rightous and upstanding! I’ve heard about and been in enough situations to know better.
Exiled!
October 25th, 2011
2:25 pm
That don’t sound very New Yorkish Leggs!
kinda more southernish
Willie Dynamite
October 25th, 2011
2:29 pm
no misrepresentation to the ho is allowed by either party but if one party violates that,the other bro sets the record str8!
Exiled – Is that the Bro code (I don’t recognize that) or is that the Simple Man/Snitch code?
Exiled!
October 25th, 2011
2:29 pm
Kimmie,it has happened to me too.
Not an ex but a cut buddy..
And ‘friend’ wanted to justify it by saying ‘but she ain’t a steady like that,just ur side piece’
We cut the ‘friendship’ coz the behavior was suspect.
Willie Dynamite
October 25th, 2011
2:31 pm
Ex – maybe buddy told your cut buddy you only had 2 goats instead of 20. hahaha IJS thats your code.
Lord Velonese
October 25th, 2011
2:31 pm
I thought it was common sense and respect not to date friends ex’s.
Exiled!
October 25th, 2011
2:32 pm
WD!?
no snitching,we saw the chic same time on entering a restaurant. I wanted her but my friend fido too but thought she was stuck up.
The moment I stood to go talk to her he followed and left his own bizz card as I left mine.
So were messing and elbowing each other in front of the chic..
Exiled!
October 25th, 2011
2:33 pm
Wanted her too
Raqi
October 25th, 2011
2:34 pm
My hub fed my oldest some mature knowledge not too long. The boy was a bit jaded over some girl that “crushed his family jewels” leading to him referring to her in a derogatory term. The hub told him for every woman in your past that you think is and call a *****, there are at least two men out there calling the one you are with by that very same term.
He stated to me once that he knows there is at least one woman out there that wishes he was dead and another that would probably pay to see him tarred and feather.
All that to say while we see our present mates in a brilliant beautiful light and feel they are the next best thing to indoor plumbing, there is someone out there from their past that hates them. We have all been wronged in our lives but that does not mean that person is not nor has not been a good loyal upstanding mate for and to someone else.
I know it’s may be a hard pill for some to swallow but sometimes it is you and not them.
Celisea
October 25th, 2011
2:37 pm
Not to be the contrarian
but if you’re slipping and not handling yours who’s more at fault….you or the friend that moved in on you…or both? If it’s not the friend will not ole girl (or dude) find somebody else anyway?
I’m just asking
Exiled!
October 25th, 2011
2:38 pm
In other words ho and playa is subjective?
that’s right Raqi!
Willie Dynamite
October 25th, 2011
2:42 pm
Ex – sounds like you played Dirty and still lost. He got the girl without hitting below the belt. Did I miss something.
Celisea – You are right, I took and take full responsibility for the result. I think I stated that I was dead wrong. I don’t fault the chick I blame me (mostly) and him.
Just because we can’t take it to court there is supposed to be “Honor among Thieves”. hahaha
Raqi
October 25th, 2011
2:45 pm
Celisea your statement is in line with something my friend Mari says all the time. “When someone is able to move in on someone else’s personal space she says someone in that relationship deserved better. Either the one that got duped deserves someone better than the one that stepped out, OR the one that stepped out deserved better because the one they were with was not doing the job.”
Willie Dynamite
October 25th, 2011
2:51 pm
I calling BS on that scenario.
If you caught your old man getting busy with your best friend would that be the same as him getting with a chick from 3 states away? Same end result alebit but the proverbial salt in the wound.
Celisea
October 25th, 2011
2:59 pm
WillieD – Naw I wasn’t knocking you. I heard you saying the blame started with you. I just think IF and WHEN we talk about codes and the code of honor then let all parties be honorable to began….
Honor among thieves…ummm, okay…lol
disco
October 25th, 2011
3:00 pm
now y’all done took me back to salt n pepa “I’ll take your man”. those girls hurt some feelings with that song had chicks really on a mission to take somebody’s man.
SexyCool
October 25th, 2011
3:04 pm
To which I learned to take the position – “If you can take him, I don’t want him and you shouldn’t either.”
The shrug is perfect here…so…
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Leggs
October 25th, 2011
3:07 pm
@Ex ~ are you trying to stir something up???
Willie Dynamite
October 25th, 2011
3:08 pm
Celisea – I am agreeing with you as well. Honor among Thieves was a typo, really it was.
I was just pointing out that its one thing to lose someone for whatever the reason. Its another whole ball game when its to someone that you trust. The chick or dude out in the street at the mall is not the same as your BFF or Bro.
Celisea
October 25th, 2011
3:11 pm
Raqi – Your 2:45 I agree that obviously something is amiss and more than likely it’s the person that doesn’t realize. Yep to wake up to she’s/he’s gone can’t be pretty.
Celisea
October 25th, 2011
3:25 pm
I got you Willie. I was thinking earlier after reading a few posts mentioning betrayal, I’m in no means speaking of taking up with another under those circumstances. I only speaking of folks that have moved on and are happy and can only wish for your happiness if even it’s someone from their past AND ya’ll all happen to be friends. I would think if a man or woman has moved on and found happiness and in the throws of making babies and a life together somthin ain’t right if you got time to sulk cause they hooked up with an ex…WHICH WAS A FRIEND.
So yeah, if you’re slipping don’t be mad, do better.
If you’re creeping with a friend of your SO or a freshly new ex or a brother or sister of ex….foul
If you’ve moved on and and see the horizon and the sun is bright you should be big enough to wish the same for the next, no matter the past or you should will the same happiness their way…
Raqi
October 25th, 2011
3:35 pm
SexyCool, tru dat!!
Celisea, again I say EXACTLY. How happy is your life/situation that what and/or who your ex is doing bothers you? Is it that you still have feelings for them? Or are you too childish to care that they are happy without you?
Not YOU but you get my point. LOL
kimmie
October 25th, 2011
3:39 pm
disco – If you’re that influenced by a mere song, you’re weak and not about much anyway.
Leggs
October 25th, 2011
3:57 pm
I have had friends’ ex’s, heck even current, attempt to hit on me. Probably most of us have.
disco
October 25th, 2011
3:59 pm
hey kimmie. not saying I’m influenced by a song now but back in those days I don’t deny that music, friends and tons of other factors were very influential. we were talking about taking somebody’s man when all we had were little hand holding, note passing boyfriends to begin with.
kimmie
October 25th, 2011
4:04 pm
disco – I feel ya!
Leggs – That’s why I said I’m not quite buying all this “honor” being spouted. Mess like that happens just way too often, dudes hitting on their homies girlfriend or wife, on the sly. Where’s the honor in that?
Leggs
October 25th, 2011
4:06 pm
Exactly, kimmie. They’re doing it on the sly all the while acting like they actually respect their friend. If they respected him/her so much, they wouldn’t try to infiltrate into their relationship. Keep your slime on your side of the road.
JustMe, Slim
October 25th, 2011
4:08 pm
I recall a friend that was a good friend back in HS who secretly had a crush on the guy I liked. After I transferred to another HS apparently she ended up hooking up with him but he and I always kept in touch before I even knew about them (I had never done anything with him). THEN a dude that I always flirted with in HS, different from 1st guy, we were in a relationship for 3yrs and she tried to hook up with him. She got f ingered in the piano room by him and she sent him naked pics. It started turning into a Single Not White Female scenario it seemed.
disco
October 25th, 2011
4:08 pm
but now I’m reflecting on outside influences. I don’t deny that I drank my share of (seagram’s) gin and juice courtesy of snoop dogg though I refuse to drink gin now. just don’t like it. I don’t deny that I wore biking short outfits back in the day and different color slouch socks because I saw it on a music video. thought I looked good too. and not that I’ve been going through old photos lately and came across a pic of me and some cousins posted up in our spandex with our crimped hair. you couldn’t tell us we weren’t fly.
abc
October 25th, 2011
4:09 pm
That reminds me of a story — wives of a couple of my good friends made a list of the men they thought would be the most difficult to seduce, creating a contest to see which of them could get the most. I was on the list. Man, the first time one of them came on to me… whew… that made me furious. Talk about a couple of ho’s. Neither are married to them anymore — both chicks cheated and split, and good riddance to them. I never told my friends about the contest, though. I didn’t see the point — they had enough bad news about those chicks already.
Celisea
October 25th, 2011
4:13 pm
Raqi – Not YOU but you get my point. LOL
I’m sticking to what I said about honor. Honor is honarable. Anything or anyone less is not. Frankly I have one time for a friend’s dude to try and holla. I’m not keeping nothing on the low low and I’m not pulling him aside. He took it to the sidewalk when he went there and I’m kicking it in the street. There will be no “if you don’t stop imma tell”….naww you go there I’m telling in front of her and here. And yes we’ve all been hit on before by a friend’s ex. I for one though am not and will not continue to keep company.
Honor is honorable no matter who’s not
Celisea
October 25th, 2011
4:14 pm
Raqi – I was pasting your Not YOU but you get my point. LOL to say I got what you was saying. I just started on another paragraph…my bad
Celisea
October 25th, 2011
4:15 pm
her and him not her and here honorable not honarable
Celisea
October 25th, 2011
4:16 pm
Folks doing the right thing, moving on, getting past, growing up, letting go is really not that hard to believe.
Celisea
October 25th, 2011
4:18 pm
Mess like that happens just way too often, dudes hitting on their homies girlfriend or wife, on the sly. Where’s the honor in that?
And if she’s not wife enough and honors her husband and marriage enough to make it known, then shame on her. Nope she’s not honorable nor is he the homie…but honor is still honor and those that pledge by it are honorable….lol
Okay I’m teasing…but not really
disco
October 25th, 2011
4:18 pm
I like that line “he took it to the sidewalk I’m kicking it in the street”. that’s what’s up. but having said that – have you ever experienced a situation where the person wants to shoot the messenger? you know you can’t tell some folks about their kids or their significant other.
Leggs
October 25th, 2011
4:20 pm
@Celisea ~ I remember a time when I was at a point when I did say “if you don’t stop I’m going to tell.” One day I got fed up and told right then there. Walked up to my friend and informed her of what he had said to me. He was pissed, but I could care less. It was at that point when I realized the power of my own words. I was in my early 20’s. If you’re stepping to me, I’m stepping back with a bull horn in my hands….
Celisea
October 25th, 2011
4:26 pm
Exactly Leggs exactly. I can’t stand a man too, that one has no respect for women and really believe he’s got it like that. I mad because you thought I would go for that. I mad because you want to belittle me to hitting on the side and all up in her face with love. Nope not going to happen.
Randyt – I saw Something Borrowed, I was happy when her guy friend gave it to her the way she needed. She was enabling ole boy to go back and forth. I’ll be daggone if I sit by while ya’ll smooch and the to couple out there but I’m good only good enough for getting it in the dark or when no one is looking or around….not happening.
disco- LOL you are so right. Tell a chick about her kid or man (especially the ones with foul dudes and really really bad kids)…you’re going to be the one to get it.
JustMe, Slim
October 25th, 2011
5:07 pm
I have a whole two hours to go…Slim now questioning why da hellz did I sign up to work till 7 tonight after being off since last Thursday..sigh
http://doktor-date.de/
October 26th, 2011
4:26 am
It is a good question. So a friend dated on of my ex. It was no problem for me. But he was a really bad guy and I’ve been warned. But in the end there was also, unfortunately, only in her tears.