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Can you date a friend’s ex?

There is an ongoing debate among friends about who is off limits to date and who isn’t. Can you date someone who was involved with your friend? Is it a bad idea or does it make sense?

I believe that it should depend on how comfortable everyone is with the idea. If there was a long relationship that ended badly, obviously there is potential for drama and awkwardness. If it was a casual dating situation, then maybe it won’t be an issue.

Do you think that once someone has dated a friend of yours, you should steer clear?

Have you ever dated a friend’s ex or have you dated a friend of your ex?
Did it become a problem?

Do you think it is good practice to get their permission/blessing?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

133 comments Add your comment

Exiled!

October 25th, 2011
2:33 pm

Wanted her too

Raqi

October 25th, 2011
2:34 pm

My hub fed my oldest some mature knowledge not too long. The boy was a bit jaded over some girl that “crushed his family jewels” leading to him referring to her in a derogatory term. The hub told him for every woman in your past that you think is and call a *****, there are at least two men out there calling the one you are with by that very same term.

He stated to me once that he knows there is at least one woman out there that wishes he was dead and another that would probably pay to see him tarred and feather.

All that to say while we see our present mates in a brilliant beautiful light and feel they are the next best thing to indoor plumbing, there is someone out there from their past that hates them. We have all been wronged in our lives but that does not mean that person is not nor has not been a good loyal upstanding mate for and to someone else.

I know it’s may be a hard pill for some to swallow but sometimes it is you and not them.

Celisea

October 25th, 2011
2:37 pm

Not to be the contrarian :) but if you’re slipping and not handling yours who’s more at fault….you or the friend that moved in on you…or both? If it’s not the friend will not ole girl (or dude) find somebody else anyway?

I’m just asking

Exiled!

October 25th, 2011
2:38 pm

In other words ho and playa is subjective?

that’s right Raqi! :lol:

Willie Dynamite

October 25th, 2011
2:42 pm

Ex – sounds like you played Dirty and still lost. He got the girl without hitting below the belt. Did I miss something.

Celisea – You are right, I took and take full responsibility for the result. I think I stated that I was dead wrong. I don’t fault the chick I blame me (mostly) and him.
Just because we can’t take it to court there is supposed to be “Honor among Thieves”. hahaha

Raqi

October 25th, 2011
2:45 pm

Celisea your statement is in line with something my friend Mari says all the time. “When someone is able to move in on someone else’s personal space she says someone in that relationship deserved better. Either the one that got duped deserves someone better than the one that stepped out, OR the one that stepped out deserved better because the one they were with was not doing the job.”

Willie Dynamite

October 25th, 2011
2:51 pm

I calling BS on that scenario.

If you caught your old man getting busy with your best friend would that be the same as him getting with a chick from 3 states away? Same end result alebit but the proverbial salt in the wound.

Celisea

October 25th, 2011
2:59 pm

WillieD – Naw I wasn’t knocking you. I heard you saying the blame started with you. I just think IF and WHEN we talk about codes and the code of honor then let all parties be honorable to began….

Honor among thieves…ummm, okay…lol

disco

October 25th, 2011
3:00 pm

now y’all done took me back to salt n pepa “I’ll take your man”. those girls hurt some feelings with that song had chicks really on a mission to take somebody’s man.

SexyCool

October 25th, 2011
3:04 pm

To which I learned to take the position – “If you can take him, I don’t want him and you shouldn’t either.”

The shrug is perfect here…so…

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Leggs

October 25th, 2011
3:07 pm

@Ex ~ are you trying to stir something up???

Willie Dynamite

October 25th, 2011
3:08 pm

Celisea – I am agreeing with you as well. Honor among Thieves was a typo, really it was.
I was just pointing out that its one thing to lose someone for whatever the reason. Its another whole ball game when its to someone that you trust. The chick or dude out in the street at the mall is not the same as your BFF or Bro.

Celisea

October 25th, 2011
3:11 pm

Raqi – Your 2:45 I agree that obviously something is amiss and more than likely it’s the person that doesn’t realize. Yep to wake up to she’s/he’s gone can’t be pretty.

Celisea

October 25th, 2011
3:25 pm

I got you Willie. I was thinking earlier after reading a few posts mentioning betrayal, I’m in no means speaking of taking up with another under those circumstances. I only speaking of folks that have moved on and are happy and can only wish for your happiness if even it’s someone from their past AND ya’ll all happen to be friends. I would think if a man or woman has moved on and found happiness and in the throws of making babies and a life together somthin ain’t right if you got time to sulk cause they hooked up with an ex…WHICH WAS A FRIEND.

So yeah, if you’re slipping don’t be mad, do better.
If you’re creeping with a friend of your SO or a freshly new ex or a brother or sister of ex….foul
If you’ve moved on and and see the horizon and the sun is bright you should be big enough to wish the same for the next, no matter the past or you should will the same happiness their way…

Raqi

October 25th, 2011
3:35 pm

SexyCool, tru dat!!

Celisea, again I say EXACTLY. How happy is your life/situation that what and/or who your ex is doing bothers you? Is it that you still have feelings for them? Or are you too childish to care that they are happy without you?

Not YOU but you get my point. LOL

kimmie

October 25th, 2011
3:39 pm

disco – If you’re that influenced by a mere song, you’re weak and not about much anyway.

Leggs

October 25th, 2011
3:57 pm

I have had friends’ ex’s, heck even current, attempt to hit on me. Probably most of us have.

disco

October 25th, 2011
3:59 pm

hey kimmie. not saying I’m influenced by a song now but back in those days I don’t deny that music, friends and tons of other factors were very influential. we were talking about taking somebody’s man when all we had were little hand holding, note passing boyfriends to begin with.

kimmie

October 25th, 2011
4:04 pm

disco – I feel ya!

Leggs – That’s why I said I’m not quite buying all this “honor” being spouted. Mess like that happens just way too often, dudes hitting on their homies girlfriend or wife, on the sly. Where’s the honor in that?

Leggs

October 25th, 2011
4:06 pm

Exactly, kimmie. They’re doing it on the sly all the while acting like they actually respect their friend. If they respected him/her so much, they wouldn’t try to infiltrate into their relationship. Keep your slime on your side of the road.

JustMe, Slim

October 25th, 2011
4:08 pm

I recall a friend that was a good friend back in HS who secretly had a crush on the guy I liked. After I transferred to another HS apparently she ended up hooking up with him but he and I always kept in touch before I even knew about them (I had never done anything with him). THEN a dude that I always flirted with in HS, different from 1st guy, we were in a relationship for 3yrs and she tried to hook up with him. She got f ingered in the piano room by him and she sent him naked pics. It started turning into a Single Not White Female scenario it seemed.

disco

October 25th, 2011
4:08 pm

but now I’m reflecting on outside influences. I don’t deny that I drank my share of (seagram’s) gin and juice courtesy of snoop dogg though I refuse to drink gin now. just don’t like it. I don’t deny that I wore biking short outfits back in the day and different color slouch socks because I saw it on a music video. thought I looked good too. and not that I’ve been going through old photos lately and came across a pic of me and some cousins posted up in our spandex with our crimped hair. you couldn’t tell us we weren’t fly.

abc

October 25th, 2011
4:09 pm

That reminds me of a story — wives of a couple of my good friends made a list of the men they thought would be the most difficult to seduce, creating a contest to see which of them could get the most. I was on the list. Man, the first time one of them came on to me… whew… that made me furious. Talk about a couple of ho’s. Neither are married to them anymore — both chicks cheated and split, and good riddance to them. I never told my friends about the contest, though. I didn’t see the point — they had enough bad news about those chicks already.

Celisea

October 25th, 2011
4:13 pm

Raqi – Not YOU but you get my point. LOL

I’m sticking to what I said about honor. Honor is honarable. Anything or anyone less is not. Frankly I have one time for a friend’s dude to try and holla. I’m not keeping nothing on the low low and I’m not pulling him aside. He took it to the sidewalk when he went there and I’m kicking it in the street. There will be no “if you don’t stop imma tell”….naww you go there I’m telling in front of her and here. And yes we’ve all been hit on before by a friend’s ex. I for one though am not and will not continue to keep company.

Honor is honorable no matter who’s not :)

Celisea

October 25th, 2011
4:14 pm

Raqi – I was pasting your Not YOU but you get my point. LOL to say I got what you was saying. I just started on another paragraph…my bad

Celisea

October 25th, 2011
4:15 pm

her and him not her and here honorable not honarable

Celisea

October 25th, 2011
4:16 pm

Folks doing the right thing, moving on, getting past, growing up, letting go is really not that hard to believe.

Celisea

October 25th, 2011
4:18 pm

Mess like that happens just way too often, dudes hitting on their homies girlfriend or wife, on the sly. Where’s the honor in that?

And if she’s not wife enough and honors her husband and marriage enough to make it known, then shame on her. Nope she’s not honorable nor is he the homie…but honor is still honor and those that pledge by it are honorable….lol

Okay I’m teasing…but not really :)

disco

October 25th, 2011
4:18 pm

I like that line “he took it to the sidewalk I’m kicking it in the street”. that’s what’s up. but having said that – have you ever experienced a situation where the person wants to shoot the messenger? you know you can’t tell some folks about their kids or their significant other.

Leggs

October 25th, 2011
4:20 pm

@Celisea ~ I remember a time when I was at a point when I did say “if you don’t stop I’m going to tell.” One day I got fed up and told right then there. Walked up to my friend and informed her of what he had said to me. He was pissed, but I could care less. It was at that point when I realized the power of my own words. I was in my early 20’s. If you’re stepping to me, I’m stepping back with a bull horn in my hands….

Celisea

October 25th, 2011
4:26 pm

Exactly Leggs exactly. I can’t stand a man too, that one has no respect for women and really believe he’s got it like that. I mad because you thought I would go for that. I mad because you want to belittle me to hitting on the side and all up in her face with love. Nope not going to happen.

Randyt – I saw Something Borrowed, I was happy when her guy friend gave it to her the way she needed. She was enabling ole boy to go back and forth. I’ll be daggone if I sit by while ya’ll smooch and the to couple out there but I’m good only good enough for getting it in the dark or when no one is looking or around….not happening.

disco- LOL you are so right. Tell a chick about her kid or man (especially the ones with foul dudes and really really bad kids)…you’re going to be the one to get it.

JustMe, Slim

October 25th, 2011
5:07 pm

I have a whole two hours to go…Slim now questioning why da hellz did I sign up to work till 7 tonight after being off since last Thursday..sigh

http://doktor-date.de/

October 26th, 2011
4:26 am

It is a good question. So a friend dated on of my ex. It was no problem for me. But he was a really bad guy and I’ve been warned. But in the end there was also, unfortunately, only in her tears.