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Can you date a friend’s ex?

There is an ongoing debate among friends about who is off limits to date and who isn’t. Can you date someone who was involved with your friend? Is it a bad idea or does it make sense?

I believe that it should depend on how comfortable everyone is with the idea. If there was a long relationship that ended badly, obviously there is potential for drama and awkwardness. If it was a casual dating situation, then maybe it won’t be an issue.

Do you think that once someone has dated a friend of yours, you should steer clear?

Have you ever dated a friend’s ex or have you dated a friend of your ex?
Did it become a problem?

Do you think it is good practice to get their permission/blessing?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

133 comments Add your comment

Raqi

October 25th, 2011
11:21 am

Hello Infamous. Yes it was this very subject that you and your Bro-man tried to double team me. LOL I remember telling the both you ‘wait for me to leave him based merely on the fact that some strangers think it shouldn’t be. Hell will freeze over twice before that happens’.

13 Years after my first husband died was more than enough time. :wink:

And honestly are we all somebody’s ex at one point or the other.

Chink

October 25th, 2011
11:22 am

I have never been attracted to my friends man …they are off limits and I would hope my friends would do the same.

If a friend of mine would ever date someone I dated and they knew it was my ex I would question their loyalty and wonder if there was some jealousy going on,

Now this only applies to guys I have gone down a physical/emotional route with guys who I just talked with I could care less.

kimmie

October 25th, 2011
11:24 am

Raqi – A lot of people want to pick and choose what they want to be all moral and judgemental about.

Celisea

October 25th, 2011
11:29 am

Raqi – You are 100 percent today. Exactly. Folks immoral all over the place yet keeping a standard or code based on others. When in fact we all have to take that judgement stroll before the man upstairs? Please. Go on girl and get your happy on :) Yes, I remember that argument too. I think your ex would want you to be happy.

MMEeLLO – I’m not debating with your because we aren’t saying the same thing. You’re talking about smashing and that’s it. I’m talking about moving on and living life….your life. Finding true happiness. Bump what a man or woman thinks. I’m not talking about having some chick you dusted remain in reserve…all cause you dusted. What are you holding on to that for. Let the past be the past and let the past be someone’s future..if you will. And no I’m not talking about a chomp that’s got a girl and hitting up her friend too. No bullcrappery or childish mess.

Raqi

October 25th, 2011
11:32 am

Kimmie, exactly. And in this case judgmental about something that there is no actual law against or indiscretion taking place. I would not have done it if they were brothers but just friends? It’s all good.

Now I can see if we got together while I was still married or even a month after his death. That would be wrong. But 13 years after he DIED?!?!

Girl I ain’t studin’ these folks. LOL

disco

October 25th, 2011
11:33 am

I won’t say we’re all in agreement but I will say that I’m in agreement. move on, do you, be happy being with someone who wants to be with you. everyone else can kick rocks.

Exiled!

October 25th, 2011
11:35 am

Raqi don’t need to justify to nobody if she’s happy!

Only God will judge her.

But we still have opinions,regardless.

Celisea,u are saying the ‘the end justifies the means!’ I hear u Loud and Clear!

So as long as somebody dates,fCkcs and marries that friend’s ex,it’s All Good!

I think not.

I don’t see how we are Not debating the same thing.

Somebody steals money. But instead of stealing and gambling that money,they feed the family. That’s considered good?

I miss your end justifies the means mantra.

Tell me something Iam missing?

thewindwhistler

October 25th, 2011
11:37 am

That is an unusually great question. I really like it. There is absolutely nothing wrong about dating a friend;s ex or for the ex to date your former friend or for an ex to date an ex. I had an aquaitance whose name was ex. He was a

grand fello, talented author, man about town and bombivant.

tucker

October 25th, 2011
11:37 am

my exes are open to whoever wants them, i’ve moved on to a happy marriage and closed the door on all previous relationships

Jackie Hood

October 25th, 2011
11:40 am

A think that a friend’s ex is off limits completely and forever. Personally, my few friends are like family to me;I do not do Family & friends.

hazel

October 25th, 2011
11:43 am

I would not. It is just weird at so many levels. But if you don’t respect your friendship then go ahead!

Exiled!

October 25th, 2011
11:46 am

Raqi,if u don’t mind.

Ask ur hubby,when exactly he realized he had feelings for U..before ur hubby died or soon after he died and why? ..I know it’s a moot point.

But u get my drift…

SexyCool

October 25th, 2011
11:46 am

Um…yeah…so…I ended up signing up for my first half marathon. (Yikes!!!)

But, er, um…WHY do my non-running friends not think that it would be great for this to also serve as a bachelorette trip?!? (lol)

disco

October 25th, 2011
11:50 am

I’m sitting here reflecting on how I would feel if it were me. if one of my friends wanted one of my exes. quite frankly – I still feel the same. as long as it’s on the up and up and no sneaking, creeping around then I say have at it. heck, my real friends know what went down in the relationship. they know if I was caught up or passing time. they know if he was the bigger issue or if I was the bigger issue. heck, it almost seems like I’m doing them a favor having pre-screened the guy for them. if it’s what they want to do, it’s their life and I wish them the best. I just can’t say that I feel some kind of way about someone dating an ex. I say this now because it’s where I am in my life. granted WAY BACK in high school a girlfriend dated behind me and I was quite resentful. now I recognize that it’s not that real. I’m not holding on to old feelings for old flames. talk about baggage….

Peaches

October 25th, 2011
11:54 am

I “dated” a friend of my ex and it ended amicably when we decided to just be friends instead. The problems started after my ex and I got back together….the friend did everything he could to sabotage our re kindled relationship. The ex and I are still together, the friend is pi**ed off at both of us!! I will add, the friend was 17yrs younger than me…

Matt

October 25th, 2011
11:56 am

That’s a major violation of the Bro Code.

kimmie

October 25th, 2011
12:01 pm

SCool – I totally feel your non-running friends. I have tried, but I absolutely HATE running. Walking, biking, swimming, all good. Running no. Bachelorette parties should consist of relaxing, spaing, drinking, dancing, laughing, eating, pampering, etc!

But hey, that’s just me. Do you, Bachelorette! :lol:

oneofeach4me

October 25th, 2011
12:01 pm

Just because someone makes their own choices about whether or not they personally would date a friend’s ex does not mean they are judgmental nor does it mean that they care what other’s say or think. I move and live off of my own moral compass. I have very few close female friends, and I choose NOT to go down that road. That does not mean I am judging you should you choose to do so. Some things are just not for me. To each their own, but don’t judge me because I choose not to do it if you don’t want to be judged because you do.

NaturallyK

October 25th, 2011
12:03 pm

Nope. Never. Too many fish in the sea.

SexyCool

October 25th, 2011
12:07 pm

kimmie – I hate running too. (lol)

Talented10th

October 25th, 2011
12:12 pm

Yuck.

Search the term “Eskimo Brothers” and you’ll say YUCK, too.

Or ILK….

Exiled!

October 25th, 2011
12:15 pm

Lol

there u go Peaches!

CHELLE

October 25th, 2011
12:26 pm

Neva dated a friends’ man, “respect for myselft thing”. Now what my friends do, can be another story. But, I guess what has to be defined is the definition of what you call a friend. To me a friend is like my sister or brother, and I would never lay down with what they got up with.

Miss Dani

October 25th, 2011
12:35 pm

Never a good idea – won’t ever work, even when permission is granted!

Willie Dynamite

October 25th, 2011
12:41 pm

Afternoon All,

No, plain and simple. Jump-offs, drive-bys, etc don’t count. If either them or I actually dated said chick then she is off limits. Then again I only have a FEW friends so the pool really is not that restrictive.

Raqi

October 25th, 2011
12:49 pm

CONGRATULATIONS SexyCool!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

SexyCool

October 25th, 2011
12:55 pm

(blushing….)

JustMe, Slim

October 25th, 2011
1:03 pm

I’ve had an ex from a friend try to holla at me…

Sweet Pea

October 25th, 2011
1:07 pm

Oneofeach4me-I like your 12:01pm post!

Willie Dynamite

October 25th, 2011
1:26 pm

On Topic – I am understandably biased on the subject. I think i’ve shared this before but anyway here goes. In college I was caught slipping big time. I had a good girl in all senses of the word. She was a few years older than me and much more established (worldly, so to speak). I was 19 and she was 25 and had been through some real life situations. I on the other hand was still a knucklehead and very much deep in the game. The streets had me still at this point. At any rate my Ace Boon who i hung out with, drank, smoked, did everything with was the proverbial snake in the grass. This dude was going back telling ol gurl everything I was doing or not doing. I admit I was wrong but this dude broke all the rules. He ended up with My Chick on some straight fuggery. I was honestly heartbroken but I manned up and told her the truth. As for buddy, I let him know in no certain terms that isht was foul and it was bout to get ugly. My old skool mentor actually let me know the deal. I slipped and it didn’t matter who caught me slipping. I learned two valuable lessons from that; 1.) A man only has about 2-3 friends in his lifetime, The rest are just acquaintances. 2.) Don’t expect the next person to do right when you wrong.
I don’t know if that fits into the topic squarely but I felt like it was close enough.

kimmie

October 25th, 2011
1:26 pm

Just Slim – That’s happened a few times to me. And one of my exes tried to holla at one of my best friends. She said he tried to reason with her and told her he didn’t want me anymore and that had nothing to do with the hots he had for her. :shock:

JustMe, Slim

October 25th, 2011
1:34 pm

kimmie – That was a bit overkill as far as what your ex told your friend. Wiggety Wack if you ask me.

kimmie

October 25th, 2011
1:36 pm

Willie – We all live and learn. Stuff like that shapes you for life. My situation I told Slim about above happened with my first serious boyfriend in college. Before that there was a guy I was casually dating as well as becoming very good friends with. He was a very handsome guy. One of my first so-called female friends in college was apparently eyeing him as well. She had been around the block some and was very experienced, whereas I was still a little green. He was an upstanding guy and told me how she was hitting on him behind my back. Was telling him how experienced she was and what she would “do” to him if she ever got the chance, unlike green me. I appreciated him telling me. He & I remained friends, but I proceeded immediately to her dorm room and cussed her behind out.

I learned to watch my back better and chose my friends a lot more carefully.

kimmie

October 25th, 2011
1:39 pm

Slim – He was a sleaze. She told me on one occasion when we went out on a double-date that he was trying to get a feel under the table. I was very glad to be rid of his skinny behind.

JustMe, Slim

October 25th, 2011
1:42 pm

Willie – That is a perfect candidate for a BAB body suit.

i'm swiss™

October 25th, 2011
1:45 pm

Bro’s before ho’s. That is all.

Afternoon, folks! :-)

JustMe, Slim

October 25th, 2011
1:47 pm

Willie – It’s one thing to try to get someone’s girl on their own merit but when you start throwing salt to make yourself look better, then that is MOIST behavior if I ever saw it…especially when it comes to the man-code…

kimmie – Sleaze isn’t even the word :shock:

Raqi

October 25th, 2011
1:56 pm

Life is like a box of chocolates…¯\_(ツ)_/¯.

(My son sent me that “shrug” in an email a few months ago. I think it’s cute.)

Willie Dynamite

October 25th, 2011
1:58 pm

Slim/Kimmie – yeah dude went above and beyond. It took alot for me not to go medieval on him. I mean its one thing to lose a chick but not like that. I took my lumps and K.I.M. I’m still somewhat cordial with Chick since about 5 yrs after. We have mutual friends and we see each other every other yr or so. But buddy still might get smacked and choked out if I see him on the streets. Time is on his side because I’m a better person now. But still….

Exiled!

October 25th, 2011
2:01 pm

Absolutely Swiss!

‘throwing salt to make urself look better’

whatchu know about Man law bode section 3 Chapter IV,article 2 Slim?

If bros are targeting the same ho,no misrepresentation to the ho is allowed by either party but if one party violates that,the other bro sets the record str8!

I have followed this code to the T,and advised the ho that my bro has one car and not 2 and its not a bentley.

She made her own decision thereafter.

kimmie

October 25th, 2011
2:12 pm

Raqi – I like that shrug!

JustMe, Slim

October 25th, 2011
2:17 pm

Exiled – I heard about it on tv lol

I believe I told yall the story about a friend of my exes…I gave him a ride home one day and he left his glasses in the back seat. So he came by the house one day to pick them up. WHy did this fool tell folks at a party that I came to the door in just a t-shirt and panties on which was a Bold face lie!!! Whenever he’d get drunk, he’d stare at me or try to talk to me. Then one day celebrating New Years out at a club, it was crowded as heyal and he grabbed my arm in the crowd when me and the bf at the time were trying to walk by. I thought fa sho that the ex was about to get up in his a s s…If I see him I still don’t talk to him. LIAR!

Leggs

October 25th, 2011
2:22 pm

Good afternoon!

I’ve never been in position where I dated a friend’s ex. Probably won’t find myself in that position going forward in life.

kimmie

October 25th, 2011
2:24 pm

Just Slim – Yeah, these dudes on here trying to sound all rightous and upstanding! I’ve heard about and been in enough situations to know better.

Exiled!

October 25th, 2011
2:25 pm

That don’t sound very New Yorkish Leggs! :lol:

kinda more southernish

Willie Dynamite

October 25th, 2011
2:29 pm

no misrepresentation to the ho is allowed by either party but if one party violates that,the other bro sets the record str8!

Exiled – Is that the Bro code (I don’t recognize that) or is that the Simple Man/Snitch code?

Exiled!

October 25th, 2011
2:29 pm

Kimmie,it has happened to me too.

Not an ex but a cut buddy..

And ‘friend’ wanted to justify it by saying ‘but she ain’t a steady like that,just ur side piece’

We cut the ‘friendship’ coz the behavior was suspect.

Willie Dynamite

October 25th, 2011
2:31 pm

Ex – maybe buddy told your cut buddy you only had 2 goats instead of 20. hahaha IJS thats your code.

Lord Velonese

October 25th, 2011
2:31 pm

I thought it was common sense and respect not to date friends ex’s.

Exiled!

October 25th, 2011
2:32 pm

WD!?

no snitching,we saw the chic same time on entering a restaurant. I wanted her but my friend fido too but thought she was stuck up.

The moment I stood to go talk to her he followed and left his own bizz card as I left mine.

So were messing and elbowing each other in front of the chic..