accessAtlanta

City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP
City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP

New relationship? Avoid Facebook

So you are excited about your new guy/girl. Things are going so well, you just can’t believe it. You are both on the same page – Great! Just don’t get on the same Facebook page. No good can come from it.

Sometimes new relationships are fragile. The slightest bump can cause a crack and it all becomes a mess in a matter of hours. I just watched a new relationship plummet to the breakup abyss because a certain guy had not let it be known he was off the market.

What looked to be an innocent comment left on his Facebook wall by an ex-fling/girl of the week/booty call contact, became the source of a huge fight. Could this have happened if not for Facebook? It’s possible. I just believe that until you are in a solid, trusting relationship, Facebook contact with your new guy/girl should be avoided.

Do you think that social media is to blame for a lot of break ups and dating drama? So many things can be misconstrued and misinterpreted, but we insist on finding ways to put it all out there.

What is the best way to handle a misunderstanding that happens on Twitter, Facebook, etc.? Would you ever confront the person you are dating about something they said or had said to them?

Is this another dating challenge we have to contend with or is it really about how you handle it?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

294 comments Add your comment

Mr_NYC

October 24th, 2011
7:11 am

OK this should be a good one to watch!

Button

October 24th, 2011
8:35 am

Good morning, I don’t FB nor does my boyfriend, in fact I don’t think I’ve ever been in a relationship with a guy with a FB page. To get into an argument in a new relationship over a comment made by an ex on FB is so UNHEALTHY. The relationship is new, I’d give the person time to clean up is page if he’s going to announce the “in relationship” status but then that would make the vultures circle around even more and we’ll deal with those issues when/if it arises. And if he chooses not to do the “in relationship with me on his page, then I know he’s not serious and then I’ve got bigger problems.

Tommy

October 24th, 2011
8:41 am

I found out my steady girlfriend was cheating me when I saw her online Facebook profile updated with photos of her arm-in-arm with another guy… taken with the digital camera I bought for her… after she’d been telling me I was “The One” and how much she wanted to “marry me” and how much the thought of ever being touched by another man made her skin her crawl.

Lying, Slutty Piece of Trash!

Leggs

October 24th, 2011
8:57 am

Good morning.

Perhaps it’s just me, but updating your relationship status on FB is stupid and childish. This is my my opinion. I don’t need the world (meaning my friends and/or acquaintances) following my relationship. Actually, they can’t follow it if I don’t post about it. I will tell them what I want them to know in person. Out of everything one needs to pay attention to in a relationship, remembering to change their status shouldn’t be one of them. FB seems to be a necessary evil.

GoldPig

October 24th, 2011
9:02 am

Facebook is for 12 year old girls.

GoldPig

October 24th, 2011
9:03 am

It’s arrogance and hubris to think that everyone wants to read about your sad life.

There’s this new thing called face-to-face conversation. People should try it sometime.

Lucinda

October 24th, 2011
9:06 am

@Leggs
I’m kinda with you on that one. My status is “single”, even though I’m “in a relationship.” I choose not to put a lot of personal information on FB, so why would I post about my relationship status? Only exception would be if I were married and had “single” as my status. That would be disrespectful to my spouse, and might cause me soon to be “single”once again!

Button

October 24th, 2011
9:12 am

Twitter tweeter twit, limited characters.

Celisea

October 24th, 2011
9:13 am

Good morning lovelies,

I know this is going to sound cynical but it’s really not intended….
I don’t take FB nor it’s trappings serious enough to do “status” and follow folks.

My private life is just that…private. I wouldn’t have a SO that’s hanging out on FB. I don’t even post here every nook and cranny about my personal life. I have no problem “mentioning” things or talking about the past (sort of on the surface) as it relates to topic but the intimate details of my personal life? Not so much. I will say though I like it here much much better than FB :)

Button

October 24th, 2011
9:18 am

How is updating your status on your FB page stupid and childish? if that’s the case shouldn’t the whole thing be such as? It’s that the jest of FBing? updating, updating friending, defriending, like and so on and so forth..LOL

I think the whole thing is comical myself that’s why I said IF the person chooses to do so……not that it’s written in stone that one should.

mom of 3

October 24th, 2011
9:21 am

Bingo, GoldPig. Facebook is for insecure, immature people who are hungry for attention.

lame dot com

October 24th, 2011
9:23 am

the best way to handle potential misunderstandings from social media? talk them out. what ever happened to good old fashioned communication?

my fiance and i met through myspace. we had the same potential mishaps early on, but that is what dating is about. it’s getting to know another person, getting comfortable with who they are, and being confident enough in your budding relationship to let each other be who you are.

i think we should prolly write a relationship guide for people like the couple that broke up over facebook – and even for some of the people making comments here.

HST

October 24th, 2011
9:25 am

I do not do FB or twitter. The topic of today is one of many reasons I don’t.

HST

October 24th, 2011
9:26 am

“The best way to handle potential misunderstandings from social media? talk them out. what ever happened to good old fashioned communication?”

FB, twitter and texting.

kimmie

October 24th, 2011
9:31 am

Morning All!

On Topic – Are you kidding me? Sigh.

I’ll be back when we get on another subject.

Tootles!!

czBrat

October 24th, 2011
9:34 am

HiYas!

i have most certainly witnessed several relationships hit the rocks over stuff posted in social media. some recovered, some didn’t. i also have had to tell s/o not to read more into a post than what is actually there.

a friend once told me that if you go looking for something long enough, you will find it. to get bent out of shape or start an argument with the person you are dating because you saw/read something that made you suspect; you were probably expecting your partner to do something foul to begin with. THAT’S the convo you two should be having. not about the evils of FB.

anywho, my status is “single” and will remain as such until i change it to “married”. i doubt any of my FB friends is losing sleep over how we’re actually progressing from the one to the other. :lol:

Lucinda

October 24th, 2011
9:35 am

so some of you don’t like fb, good for you. It doesn’t make those of us who use it attention whores. For me, it lets me share photos with people I ACTUALLY KNOW, and keep up with other people’s lives as well. I don’t post every little detail of my life…its just not that interesting.

The issue isn’t the existence of social media, the issue is how you use social media.

Lucinda

October 24th, 2011
9:36 am

@czBrat
I’m with you on the relationship status :)

KJ

October 24th, 2011
9:40 am

It appears “I don’t use facebook” is the new “I don’t own a TV”.

TwitterisforLosers

October 24th, 2011
9:40 am

I Agree with Leggs on this one. Why would anyone update their relationship status on FB? If you don’t update it, your so called friends will not be in your business. reall people? the reason why some of you guys are single is because you are on this crap all day. GET A LIFE.

Ole Guy

October 24th, 2011
9:45 am

Whatever happened to those meaningless encounters at the local gin mill? Technology certainly has it’s place in modern contemporary society, however, “HEin an SHEin” was never meant to be directed by them “sillycone diodes”. Eyes-on in the target-rich environment was always the way to “do stuff” and shall always be the best way. These sites are simply another way of labeling self “LIMP D”.

OUCH ! i bumped my head

October 24th, 2011
9:45 am

Iv’e known FB to rekindle old flames that resulted in divorces a guy I work with and a neighbor in my neighborhood Both women found their HS
sweetharts and left the marrage for greener pastures One guy was left
with 4 kids 18mos to 4 1/2 years old the other with 7 3 biological and
4 adopted If you Facebook you gotta be careful what you get yourself caught up in

Celisea

October 24th, 2011
9:53 am

Iv’e known FB to rekindle old flames that resulted in divorces a guy I work with and a neighbor in my neighborhood Both women found their HS sweetharts and left the marrage for greener pastures

See…who does this? And folks are asking why someone would not want to associate with the trappings of FB? Really though you can’t blame FB for folks’ behavior. In this case they went looking for trouble and trouble found them. When folks lack character they’ll find the means to do whatever it is they do.

Leggs

October 24th, 2011
9:54 am

@Button ~ I say it’s childish because those that I do know posts every activity of their day down to bathroom time. I think that’s childish for a grown person to do. Of course, a lot don’t do this, but I had a few people in mind when I said what I said. Do I have an account, yep. Am I on it often, nope. I think this year I’ve been on perhaps 6x.

She left the kids with her soon to be ex for another man…HELL TO THE NO!

czBrat

October 24th, 2011
9:57 am

to me, FB, myspace, twitter, etc. are not that much different from this blog. it’s social media communication with masses as opposed to any one individual. you connect if/when you feel like it and share as much or as little as you choose to share.

if the exchanges are causing probs in your relationship, then one of you is hiding something and/or one of you is insecure. again, THAT should be the topic of discussion. not whether or not the social media outlet is to blame.

mom of 3

October 24th, 2011
9:57 am

Please, so tired of hearing the “it lets me share photos” excuse, and the “FB lets me keep up with the lives of others” excuse. If the people you are keeping up with are your good friends, you know about their lives because you TALK to them. If they are not your good friends, then you don’t need to know about their lives. Maybe some people do use FB responsibly, but most do not. Most use FB to brag and to be nosy about the lives of others.

Leggs

October 24th, 2011
10:01 am

I definitely agree with you, czB. Not necessarily the social media outlet, but the people themselves involved in the relationship. FB shouldn’t destroy a relationship. Must have been cracks all along for that to happen.

Sunny

October 24th, 2011
10:02 am

I would suggest not befriending your S/O on Facebook until the two of you have built a solid relationship.

On the flipside, Facebook saved me from a potentially disatrous situation with my ex. Because he wasn’t smart enough to use the (then) privacy settings, all comments that he made to others showed up on his wall. With his profile still marked as single, he was constantly caught making totally inappropriate comments to his “lifelong friends” who I later found out he was meeting through a porn website.

Those comments and the blatant lies led me to install a keylogger program on my computer that he frequently used and lo and behold, I was dealing with a full blown porn/sex addict. D.I.S.G.U.S.T.I.N.G.

abc

October 24th, 2011
10:03 am

Just avoid Facebook, period. So-called social media is FOR MORONS. Absolutely nothing good will result. This blog is NOT SOCIAL MEDIA unless you make it so. Otherwise, it’s a not-so-anonymous exchange of ideas, nothing more.

Celisea

October 24th, 2011
10:08 am

czBrat – I actually agree with your 9:57. This place and any other social forum all resemble, if not in fact are all about the same. I agree to that if someone lacks character you’ll see that on FB, a notebook, a playbook….any kind of “book”, any time any place anywhere. I honestly don’t think you can blame the platform or channel in which things can be communicated. Folks wanna live without discretion and act less than favorable, no matter the means.

I just think grown folks don’t really take it that seriously. Pictures, updates, whatchu doing, what’s your status, etc.

Button

October 24th, 2011
10:10 am

@ Leggs maybe I was reading it as the notion of stating your ” status” as childish…my bad but on the other hand-if you are FBing and your FB friends are your friends in real life then posting your status will not be counterproductive it will just be an update of what you’ve already anounced orally. JMO

Button

October 24th, 2011
10:12 am

some things just seems logical.

I like reading celebrities twitter beef..LOL

Celisea

October 24th, 2011
10:13 am

Even to blogging here, I’ve met one person. I’m not interest in swapping pictures, meeting folks, exchanging numbers. I like the anonymity of talking and exchaning chats and ideas, jokes and some days a good laugh, but that’s the extent of where I want it to go.

Button

October 24th, 2011
10:14 am

I’m with you @Celisea @ 10:13

Leggs

October 24th, 2011
10:15 am

If a relationship falls apart because one of the parties did not change their status from “single” to “dating” then Houston We Have a Problem!

Pinky

October 24th, 2011
10:16 am

Is It 430 Yet?

@Tommy

“I found out my steady girlfriend was cheating me when I saw her online Facebook profile updated with photos of her arm-in-arm with another guy… taken with the digital camera I bought for her… after she’d been telling me I was “The One” and how much she wanted to “marry me” and how much the thought of ever being touched by another man made her skin her crawl.

Lying, Slutty Piece of Trash!”

Ouch! I felt that out here in Stone Mountain!

J

October 24th, 2011
10:16 am

I am not seeing anyone currently, but I don’t have to worry about ex GF’s commenting on any of my Facebook statuses because I am not friends with any of them. Not Facebook friends, or real life friends. I don’t communicate in any way, shape, or form with my ex’s. They are an ex for a reason.

Button

October 24th, 2011
10:17 am

LOL @ Leggs! and for most there will be a problem!

Celisea

October 24th, 2011
10:18 am

Did everyone have a great weekend? I did :)

Pinky

October 24th, 2011
10:19 am

Having Been On Facebook for 8 years…That Site has gone to the Toilet…And There are some serious attention whores on there who feel the need to post every 10 minutes…

And the Real Tip…Facebook can be used to catch someone Living Foul in a relationship…The Divorce rate has seriously gone up since the advent of facebook

Relationship is important to me…so I would post my online status for everyone to know…

Pinky

October 24th, 2011
10:20 am

@Celisea

Drank a 30 pack Grilled Steaks and Greek Shrimp and watched football all weekend…My Narrow Ass was the Couch King!

Peaches

October 24th, 2011
10:20 am

The key to surviving any social media site is maturity and intelligence!! Both you and your partner have to use your brains and not your hormones when viewing any information put out there for the entire world to see! There are some who will post on a person’s page just to see if they can start something! I personally am a certified FB addict! I have children in college and living across country, yes we talk, but a great deal of our communication is through FB. This does not make us shallow or immature! I love sharing pics and stories with my friends, I have never been one to talk on the phone so this is perfect!!

czBrat

October 24th, 2011
10:24 am

oh. ok. we exchange personal thoughts, experiences and opinions on this blog, but let’s not call it social. ok.

mom, i understand folks in your world may come with those “excuses”, but i can honestly say that i only started an FB account so that i could see pics of my many grandnieces and grandnephews. the younger generation completely stopped doing paper pics or even emailing pic attachments. the answer to “i wanna see the kiddies” was always “i posted some pics on FB!” so there you have it.

Celisea

October 24th, 2011
10:25 am

Good for you Pinky. I love couch weekends, especially when it’s good food and good company :)

Sweet Pea

October 24th, 2011
10:25 am

The issue isn’t the existence of social media, the issue is how you use social media.

EXACTLY!! I’ve used it as a circuit to reconnect with friends and have discovered relatives I didn’t know existed for those purposes only.

To each his/her own if you choose to post every single detail of your life such as you’re on an excursion somewhere and have freely given an open invitation for a thief to go shopping in your home is your fault! Like many have mentioned…everybody ain’t privy to my personal information ;)

Do you think that social media is to blame for a lot of break ups and dating drama?

Hmmmmmmm, I don’t know anyone in my age group that relationship came to a demise because of it. However, I am thinking that if you are in your 30s and beyond and FB postings caused a rift, perhaps you need to re-evaluate your maturity level, get out of the virtual world, and have face to face interactions!

Exiled!

October 24th, 2011
10:26 am

Good morning!

Facebook is very invasive for the most part so u gotta be careful with it. It is invasive because,even when u don’t want to interface with some pple,they will still invite u to friend them. Much like the Latter Day folks knocking at ur door! Lol

And I have seen very immature convo,bragging and nosy behavior from supposedly grown folks!

I use Facebook and mostly to be in touch with my dispesersed same last name relatives as well as cousins,aunts,uncles etc and selected few friends. Even at that,I tried to use my real first name,not the first name I go by, which most people know. That has kept all the former hangers ons,former beyeotches etc in my prior life at bay.

Coz I don’t need that nonsense any more.

I am not interested in seeing anybody latest pics,nor do I care that u got a new job,car,raise etc,unless clearly its a death or a new birth or wedding etc…something really important to me. More like email for notification purposes.

Other that that I think uber users of Facebook and twitter are just lame!

Get a lyfe!

kimmie

October 24th, 2011
10:27 am

Leggs/others – Did you hear the Strawberry letter this morning?

Celisea

October 24th, 2011
10:27 am

I think we’re about done with the FB topic….at least I hope :)

Pinky

October 24th, 2011
10:27 am

@Peaches

” I have never been one to talk on the phone so this is perfect!!”

I will cosign on that! I used to you facebook to find out where the party was at on the weekends…Now too many people use facebook and twitter to promote themselves…

Celisea

October 24th, 2011
10:28 am

Kimmie – I heard only the premise of the letter…some guy with 14 kids responding to what his mom’s initial letter? I turned to the Bert show (not that much better…ouija boards).