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Unhealthy relationships..literally

It’s so funny how you start dating someone and take on some of their habits, quirks, and lifestyle. You begin to share the same behaviors, some good, some not so good. Sometimes you even become influenced by them. It’s like sexy peer pressure.

What happens when you start dating someone and pick up their bad habits? For instance, my friend Brad hated cigarettes. He meets Gina and suddenly he is not only fine with cigarettes, she has him smoking cigars! The things we do when we are blinded by love, right?

Have you ever noticed a bad habit you picked up after dating someone? Why does it seem as if we become so impressionable when the person we are seeing starts to influence our lives?

How do you know if your relationship is unhealthy and how do you handle it if it is?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

273 comments Add your comment

Into the Light

October 21st, 2011
10:05 am

Dang, cz…you’re making me hungry!! The X got me hooked on this little hole-in-the-wall mexican place where they make the best enchiladas. You can sit at the counter and watch the little old lady mixing up the masa and pressing out the tortillas. Mmmmmmm, good.

Into the Light

October 21st, 2011
10:07 am

Well said, disco, well said.

disco

October 21st, 2011
10:08 am

oops. didn’t see that brat beat me to my point. but still it irks me when some folks never have anything to contribute. it’s always “whatever you want to do. where ever you want to go”. that’s for the birds.

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

October 21st, 2011
10:08 am

LOL…..@Leggs
Good sleeping weather for sure.

I can’t blame anyone for bad habits but me, never influenced or persuaded anybody to do something they wouldn’t. Over time bad habits usually fade away for something else constructive.

Good Morning Friday Friends:

Leggs

October 21st, 2011
10:09 am

@disco ~ speaking on your post, is a person wrong, heck am I wrong, to dismiss a guy because every time he calls he says “call me when you want to go somewhere and do something,” but never, ever calls with his own plan to do something or go somewhere? That can be draining, well for me it is.

Celisea

October 21st, 2011
10:11 am

Blackfoote – Ultimately, you are correct.

Celisea

October 21st, 2011
10:12 am

Alright folks, my manager will be here next week so I need to have my portfolios in order. Be back later

i'm swiss™

October 21st, 2011
10:13 am

C — Now you know I’m always full of spunk*. My own spunk, that is — got to be crystal clear about that one…

* NOTE: I know too many Canadians. In Canada, “spunk” is the equivalent of “skeet” in the Dirty South

kimmie

October 21st, 2011
10:13 am

Leggs – That’s irritating as H. Nothing wrong about it. Dude is sorry.

kimmie

October 21st, 2011
10:14 am

Leggs – Meant to say YOU are not wrong for rejecting that passive, sorry approach.

disco

October 21st, 2011
10:16 am

well I might be opening up a hole new can of worms with what I’m about to say but first off it is not wrong to be annoyed or put off with a guy who never has a plan but I will say this – that guy has his place. use him to do things when you can’t find someone else who is available to go or when you just don’t want to spend your own money to do it. hey – I might be wrong but such is life. and besides, that’s what he gets.

SexyCool

October 21st, 2011
10:19 am

No workout for me this morning. I am doing a longer run tomorrow and didn’t want to overdo it.

Leggs

October 21st, 2011
10:23 am

I hear what you’re saying, discoc, but knowing I’m using him would probably make me bored with him my view of him skewed as a person, as a man. I’m just not good at using folk.

czBrat

October 21st, 2011
10:24 am

ilt, please share!! we’ve determined that the best carnitas (so far) are at ‘el jinete’ in snellville. and the best guac is at ‘la botana’ in chamblee. he’d have to tell you where to go for margaritas tho. i don’t do those.

leggs, i know you didnt ask but imma give you my .02. have you tried taking him up on the “call me” offer? if you WANT to get out and do something with him, then plan it out and call him. see if he’s down. if you guys hit it off, he will most likely come forth with planned invites going forward. especially if you become comfortable enough to just ask him why he did the open invite approach, and tell him how much you appreciate him taking the time and effort to make some definite plans.

best of luck, chica!!

i'm swiss™

October 21st, 2011
10:25 am

I don’t know, Leggs, you used me pretty good that one time…

Oh, sorry, was I not supposed to mention that…?

:lol:

oneofeach4me

October 21st, 2011
10:25 am

@Leggs ~ no problem. I was about to reply and say that is why I wrote the next sentence ;-)

Randyt (aka...Been There, Done That, Have a Closet Full of T-Shirts)

October 21st, 2011
10:26 am

@ Leggs re: “Randyt is eyeing a new conquest”

Actually, I’ve always thought of it as me surrendering to them ;-)

(Besides, I’m thinking about an old song, “I’m getting new looks from an old lover again”. Might look back in the black book rather than try to add a new name or three).

SexyCool

October 21st, 2011
10:26 am

Oh…and until I dated a dude that was, in reality, overweight, I never had a weight problem.

I fell into a pattern of inactivity, overeating and eating every time a 6′4″ 300 pound man did. It was a cycle that has taken *years* to break and that I still struggle with more than I like to admit.

At first, I excused myself with “I’m not a teenager anymore so I’m not always going to have a teenager’s body.” Oh..if only I had been more aware. I eventually got up to 222 pounds. Once I got serious, I lost 50 pounds in less than a year. These days, I seem to consistently fight with 10 – 15 so-called “vanity pounds.”

It is one of the reasons that I have become an advocate of healthy living. And why I’m always telling younger women “Hold onto it while you’ve got it. The time to develop healthy habits is BEFORE you have a problem.”

(And with that, I’m done soapboxing for the day.)

Stanky

October 21st, 2011
10:28 am

Bad habits that I have learned from my current soon to be ex mate if not already…. I can cuss like a sailor, I scratch my butt and smell it, I have gained 60+ pounds, bathing is not a priority for me anymore, I stopped paying my bills on time and I am turning into a slob. He still wants to get married though…. I am ready for a new start.

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

October 21st, 2011
10:29 am

Celisea:
Thanks, I know I’ve learned to leave bad habits alone.

Disco:
Cunning aren’t you?

thewindwhistler

October 21st, 2011
10:29 am

That is a great question. I really like it. It is really a case of predisposition. You were already [hardwired] to pickup the other persons bad habits. Without really being aware of it, you were attracted to that person for that very reason. There is nothing that can be done, you are destined to keep making the same choices, unless there is behavior modification. That hardly ever works so you are stuck. As the psychiatrist says, psychoanalyze a jerk and what do you have, a psychoanalyzed jerk.

czBrat

October 21st, 2011
10:29 am

disco now has bill withers singing in my head.

♫•*¨*•.¸¸♥ ¸¸.•*¨*•♫♪ just keep on using me until you use me up ♪♫•*¨*•.¸¸♥ ¸¸.•*¨*•♫♪

*g-damnit! now kate spade has a 30% off sale. just g-damnit!!!*

Randyt (aka...Been There, Done That, Have a Closet Full of T-Shirts)

October 21st, 2011
10:30 am

“picked up bad habits”…hmmm. My problem with this whole scenario is that one should always (me included) accept ownership of one’s own actions, bad habits, and or flaws.

In other words, if I have picked up any bad habits…it is my own dayum fault, not someone elses.

disco

October 21st, 2011
10:31 am

blackfoote – cunning maybe but it might just work to make him see the error of his ways. he might accompany me to one to many events that he’d rather not attend and then maybe he’ll decide to “man up” (yeah I said it) and come up with a plan of his own.

Pinky

October 21st, 2011
10:34 am

Happy Friday _____! This Is Pinky ____!

I cuss like a sailor but I can restrict myself in a womans presence

I tend to not date women who smoke unless I really really like her, then its something I can deal with

Pinky

October 21st, 2011
10:35 am

Disco

Co-Sign about your post where u were talking about offering up new ideas to do…

This Chick Im Chasing is good at offering up suggestions…but I have plenty of my own especially when it comes to cooking….

Randyt (aka...Been There, Done That, Have a Closet Full of T-Shirts)

October 21st, 2011
10:35 am

Actually, i have enough of my own bad habits, so picking up bad habits from others is, by definition, redundant.

Pinky

October 21st, 2011
10:36 am

On a sidenote…

Women who don’t and refuse to watch Sports, Big Turn off and is a Serious dealbreaker unless you can deal with it like im starting to do…

Leggs

October 21st, 2011
10:37 am

@czB ~ I’ve known this dude for 20 years. I’ve called and given a place or thing I would like to do only to be met with one excuse after another. He has resurfaced saying the same thing. No initiative on his part has turned me sour. Plus, I don’t want to hear the same line from yesteryear. I think that’s more my problem than anything else (lol).

@Stanky, you have a difficult hill to climb, that is if you can get up it. You might need to go running with SexyC!

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

October 21st, 2011
10:37 am

LOL…..@Disco
I see it the parable for him is “man it up”. That logic could work and bring up any inhibitions out about why he hasn’t manned up.

Pinky

October 21st, 2011
10:37 am

@RandyT

Co–Sign on that 1035 post…

Leggs

October 21st, 2011
10:37 am

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, not Kate Spade.

Leggs

October 21st, 2011
10:39 am

No one is placing blame for the bad habits. The question was asked if you’ve picked up any because of the person you’re dating.

SexyCool

October 21st, 2011
10:39 am

It Stanky isn’t pacing at least a 12 minute mile, she won’t be able to keep up. I would suggest, however, that she come out and walk with the walkers at a BGR group run.

disco

October 21st, 2011
10:40 am

pinky – what about a chick like me who doesn’t hide my indifference to sports but is willing to at least lay out the spread for the two-person superbowl party. granted, I’m usually in front of the tv but I’m likely reading a book. my guy doesn’t seem to mind it so much but I wonder sometimes if he’d really rather be watching the game elsewhere. of course, it wouldn’t hurt my feelings if he did. but no, I don’t care much for sports.

Leggs

October 21st, 2011
10:41 am

That is after she bathes, cuz running and/or walking will make you stink more!

kimmie

October 21st, 2011
10:42 am

Leggs – It is so time out for that weak game. Then later he can say, “well I told you to call but you never do”. What or who is he doing in the meantime, I wonder.

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

October 21st, 2011
10:42 am

Leggs look at it as dude trying to save you a bunch of drama………LOL

Stanky

October 21st, 2011
10:43 am

LOL @ Leggs! I would love to work out I just need movitvation. I am hoping for gastric bypass though…

Leggs

October 21st, 2011
10:43 am

You too cute, BF….IS!

czBrat

October 21st, 2011
10:45 am

leggs, i think you know my advice to your 10:37. and i’ve got a song for that too. it’s a ray charles classic.

Leggs

October 21st, 2011
10:45 am

@Stanky ~ right there, that’s your crutch. Stop hoping for gastric bypass as your saving grace. Stop with the fast food and chips and start walking. The hardest part about working out is getting started. That’s it.

Leggs

October 21st, 2011
10:46 am

:lol: Let me hear the song, czB.

SexyCool

October 21st, 2011
10:46 am

If you need a gastric bypass, you must have already been overweight before you gained those 60 pounds.

Kirk

October 21st, 2011
10:50 am

I was somewhat amused at Leggs’ comments towards me in WiseDiva’s last blog the other day–and the volume of her (or his) posts in general. Thanks for the love. You really should get out more.

I notice that WiseDiva throws out the issue and rarely comes back into mix it up. I kinda miss Laney. As to the topic, I’ve observed first-hand confident women become timid because of over-bearing significant others, and men becoming more profound in their use of profanity after being involved with women who start most every sentence with the S word–and in both cases they deny that its unhealthy or that they have a problem.

Stanky

October 21st, 2011
10:53 am

@Sexycool. Actually I had just lost 80lbs and I was down to 200lbs. Now I am 280. I am supposed to weigh 140 according to the health chart… My ex is 6′1 and 500lbs…

Into the Light

October 21st, 2011
10:54 am

cz, it’s a little place not too far from the Marietta square called Julia’s Taqueria (pretty close to Roswell St. Baptist Church, if you know where that is).

Darn it! Now why’d y’all have to go and mention Kate at 30% off??? Have mercy….

SexyCool

October 21st, 2011
11:01 am

Something is rotten in the state of Denmark.

hazel

October 21st, 2011
11:05 am

Good morning. and TGIF.

No, I have not picked up any bad habits because I never dated anyone..really.
Aso, I am not really vunerable to bad habits. I have picked up some great habits from the love of my life though.. like working out, doing weights, eating healty, watching UFC, traveling etc. But I can see how drinking can be contageous

Leggs

October 21st, 2011
11:06 am

@kimmie ~ my exact sentiments on weak game

@Kirk ~ thank you. I’m diligently working on getting out more.

Also, any man with a moniker “Leggs” should be stoned. I’m all woman.

DANG, 500 lbs. WHEW! Think you guys need to put your application in for The Biggest Loser.