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Unhealthy relationships..literally

It’s so funny how you start dating someone and take on some of their habits, quirks, and lifestyle. You begin to share the same behaviors, some good, some not so good. Sometimes you even become influenced by them. It’s like sexy peer pressure.

What happens when you start dating someone and pick up their bad habits? For instance, my friend Brad hated cigarettes. He meets Gina and suddenly he is not only fine with cigarettes, she has him smoking cigars! The things we do when we are blinded by love, right?

Have you ever noticed a bad habit you picked up after dating someone? Why does it seem as if we become so impressionable when the person we are seeing starts to influence our lives?

How do you know if your relationship is unhealthy and how do you handle it if it is?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

273 comments Add your comment

Purple Reign

October 21st, 2011
8:41 am

No I haven’t picked up any bad habits, I tend to lose them when dating. You know it’s unhealthy if the relationship causes any type of stress, best thing to do is look at the situation and if it is really unhealthy leave it.

Leggs

October 21st, 2011
8:56 am

Good morning….HAPPY FRIDAY!

Picked up smoking cigars after dating a woman who smoked cigarettes and never smoked before -WEAK AND STUPID.

Anyway, I can’t recall picking up any bad habits from a man I’ve dated. Hell, I have enough of my own.

Celisea

October 21st, 2011
9:00 am

Morning you two lovelies,

Sadly yes. Many many many moons ago…cussing, drinking (well not a bad habit per se) and asking to light his cigarette. That went from lighting to a pull here and there. Thankfully that’s not something I induldged in….even he would say don’t play with cigarettes. But yeah, as soon as I got away from him all the bad habits fell off :)

Leggs

October 21st, 2011
9:02 am

@PR, it’s just you and me this morning.

SexyC is probably still running
kimmie is trying to find some crackers to go with chilli to bring for lunch
Celisea is moving slow this morning
BF is still snoring
ForReal can’t find his belt
disco is on the phone with one of her crazy family members
abc is chilling stroking his chin deep in thought
czB is at the home of some dude doing her best not to cuss him out
Sassyme is sassing someone somewhere
WillieD is trying to find a gift for his daughter (not his wife this time)
Randyt is eyeing a new conquest
Ex is, well we know where he is
swiss is trying to persuade Ms. swiss to stay home today
ITL has gone into the dark
Lukers are yawning….

Leggs

October 21st, 2011
9:02 am

Ooops, Celisea is here

Celisea

October 21st, 2011
9:03 am

I’m here Leggs :) Did you see my morning Lovelies to you and Purple?

Celisea

October 21st, 2011
9:05 am

Can I scratch ‘em off they arrive or would that take up too much space…lol

SexyC is probably still running
kimmie is trying to find some crackers to go with chilli to bring for lunch
Celisea is moving slow this morning
BF is still snoring
ForReal can’t find his belt
disco is on the phone with one of her crazy family members
abc is chilling stroking his chin deep in thought
czB is at the home of some dude doing her best not to cuss him out
Sassyme is sassing someone somewhere
WillieD is trying to find a gift for his daughter (not his wife this time)
Randyt is eyeing a new conquest
Ex is, well we know where he is
swiss is trying to persuade Ms. swiss to stay home today
ITL has gone into the dark
Lukers are yawning….

Into the Light

October 21st, 2011
9:05 am

I’m here, too! Morning, y’all.

Celisea

October 21st, 2011
9:06 am

Nevermind…I didn’t expect that to happen and no I guess I shouldn’t.

Morning Purp!

Button

October 21st, 2011
9:06 am

Good morning, I haven’t picked up any bad habits while dating.
If there are recurring unhealthyness in my relationship then I’d make an exit.

disco

October 21st, 2011
9:07 am

good morning guys. I can’t think of any habits that I picked up from someone but I will admit that I pick up certain phrases. for instance, my current friend refers to his grandchildren as “the chaps” and I find myself referring to children as chaps.

Into the Light

October 21st, 2011
9:09 am

co-sign disco’s comment. I do find myself picking up certain phrases or “slang” from the guy I’m dating.

disco

October 21st, 2011
9:10 am

funny leggs. I usually call the crazy family members at lunchtime. gotta give them time to wake up good.

Button

October 21st, 2011
9:11 am

I never liked dating guys who smoked or dranked too much alchy. The smell of cigs makes me gag. I did date a guy who cuss all the time, once I counted over 60 cuss words in our 15 min conversation..lol

Celisea

October 21st, 2011
9:15 am

Breakfast was delish: Coffee, 1 slice of cheese toast and link sausage

Jaded Guy

October 21st, 2011
9:16 am

Nothing in this world can destroy a man, his self-confidence, his talent and his enjoyment of life than opening his heart to a selfish, cruel, cold, bossy, disrespectful, superficial woman who doesn’t support or encourage him.

Celisea

October 21st, 2011
9:19 am

Someone just sent this to me :)

It is good to be a woman:

1. We got off the Titanic first.
2. We can scare male bosses with mysterious gynecological disorder excuses.
3. Taxis stop for us.
4. We don ‘t look like a frog in a blender when dancing.
5. No fashion faux pas we make could ever rival the Speedo.
6. We don ‘t have to pass gas to amuse ourselves.
7. If we forget to shave, no one has to know.
8. We can congratulate our teammate without ever touching her rear end.
9. We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our privates are still there.
10. We have the ability to dress ourselves.
11. We can talk to the opposite sex without having to picture them naked.
12. If we marry someone 20 years younger, we are aware that we will look like an idiot.
13. We will never regret piercing our ears.
14. There are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems.
15. We can make comments about how silly men are in their presence because they aren’t listening anyway.

Celisea

October 21st, 2011
9:20 am

Jaded Guy – Hugs (muah)

Button

October 21st, 2011
9:21 am

Jaded stay focus it’ll get better :)

czBrat

October 21st, 2011
9:21 am

HiYas!

leggs, “some dude” is out of town, so the cussing will have to wait until tonight. :wink:

and as for bad habits, yes. i have developed a taste for mexican food and alcohol, and an acceptance of eating late in the evening. these habits have wreaked havoc on my figure. i’m in my mid-40s and i’m no gym rat. before s/o, daily yoga was all it took to keep me in my lovely size 4-6 frame. now i’ve had to pick up cardio and weight training just to stay a steady 6.

Purple Reign

October 21st, 2011
9:25 am

Good morning ladies! Hey Celisea…so Lawyer it is! Jaded, it is to early to read you crying.

Major work is done around here until next year it’s time to travel and enjoy some things

Purple Reign

October 21st, 2011
9:26 am

Nothing in this world can destroy a man! (enough said)

Celisea

October 21st, 2011
9:27 am

Purp – Hey Celisea…so Lawyer it is!

I was only following your lead. I gotta get something out of it too. Doctor or “house” is not that beneficial to me :) You know what it is.

Leggs

October 21st, 2011
9:30 am

@czB ~ I feel you on the frame changing. It is hard to maintain and lots of work I should have done years ago.

@Jaded ~ if I can stay focus and chipper about things, you can too. The only thing you have true control over is your ATTITUDE!

oneofeach4me

October 21st, 2011
9:37 am

Personally I think picking up bad habits from those around your or those you date has to do with maturity level and how well you know yourself. As you get older and more mature, and you have a moral compass and things you prefer not to do (smoking, drinking), you won’t do those things just to “impress” the one you are dating or to have something in common with them. Commonality is when you both come to the table possessing the same thing, not picking it up once you are there.

Celisea

October 21st, 2011
9:43 am

oneofeach4me – I agree. I don’t really associate with folks that are carrying “bad habits.” I agree that maturation will eliminate either “bad habits” per se or keeping company with folks that have bad habits.

kimmie

October 21st, 2011
9:44 am

Morning All!!

Leggs – Dang, you should have typed that yesterday, then I would have remembered to pack me some chilli for lunch!!!LOL

On topic – While never really a vegetarian, I ate lean meats at a minimum and pizza only on occasion. That has changed since dating and marrying a meat lover. I need to call him the Baconater! The man eats and sleeps meat. And he and the kids have to have pizza at least once a week. Yall know reading me I am a foodie and cook. I grew up with a mother that was a phenomenal cook. We had at least 3 veggies or 2 and a salad at dinner and always had fresh fruit in the house. I am slowing influencing them, but I did put on weight when I started seeing him. I am just now getting back toward what I was before we met but it is hard. I am getting back to my better eating habits. I make them welcome to join me in my healthier lifestyle. But I am having the last laugh because they keep getting colds and such. All last week and part of this week. I have managed to remain healthy thru it all!

Purple Reign

October 21st, 2011
9:45 am

Either you are easily influenced or you are influential. lol

i'm swiss™

October 21st, 2011
9:45 am

I wonder if Brad keeps those cigars in Gina’s humidor?

Purple Reign

October 21st, 2011
9:46 am

Swiss, good morning lol

Celisea

October 21st, 2011
9:47 am

Environment plays a huge part. Environment is not limited to geography. If you keep company with someone that practices things less than favorable or that’s simply not “you”, you could very well gravitate to doing. Again, I think growing up and “moving away from” will take care of idiosyncrasies and what nots that particularly don’t belong to you.

kimmie

October 21st, 2011
9:48 am

Smoking is and always will be a dealbreaker with me, not even cigars. Seeing what they did to my father and other relatives(lung cancer) and having to live around the smoke is something I absolutely will not ever tolerate again.

Jaded Guy

October 21st, 2011
9:50 am

Celisea,

Thanks.

That hug & kiss this morning this morning brought a warm smile to my un-kissed face.

your daddy

October 21st, 2011
9:50 am

In a relationship now where partner complained all I wanted was to make out and have sex, which has effectively killed any passion. We’ve gone from getting it on at least 1 to 2 times a day (sometimes more) to just twice this week. I’m no longer comfortable being passionate/sensual/sexual around my partner. And to top it all off, I come home from the gym last night, dressed normally, and I am accused of cheating.

Jaded Guy

October 21st, 2011
9:52 am

Button & Leggs,

Thank you for the encouragement.

It is difficult to remember that truly GOOD Women are out there and available, especially when you see so many Nice Ladies like that with men who don’t appreciate them for the true TREASURES that they are while treating them like garbage.

Celisea

October 21st, 2011
9:52 am

Jaded Guy – That hug & kiss this morning this morning brought a warm smile to my un-kissed face.

Awwww, glad you appreciated. Don’t let her steal your sunshine. There are many women that will embrace and support you. You’re are so welcome :)

Celisea

October 21st, 2011
9:53 am

Leggs

October 21st, 2011
9:54 am

“…you won’t do those things just to “impress” the one you are dating….” – It may be that people pick up these “bad habits” not necessarily to “impress,” but rather to engage and hang out more doing what that person likes to do. Good or bad.

Into the Light

October 21st, 2011
9:54 am

Good morning, Swiss…. Naughty first thing this morning, I see….smh… :lol:

Into the Light

October 21st, 2011
9:56 am

I’m glad you sad that, Leggs (9:54). I tried several times to come up with a way to say that, but none sounded as good as the way you said it.

Purple Reign

October 21st, 2011
9:56 am

Well, I am going trail riding and maybe hunt a little. Talk to you all later this afternoon!

Into the Light

October 21st, 2011
9:57 am

i'm swiss™

October 21st, 2011
9:57 am

Oh right… Good morning, people! :lol:

(I know I wasn’t the only one thinking that) :lol:

HUH?

October 21st, 2011
9:58 am

who is gina and brad

czBrat

October 21st, 2011
9:59 am

good point, 4me. but let me add some perspective. in our case, s/o’s fave is mexican food and margaritas; mine is italian and wine. when we started dating we introduced each other to some of our faves (as is the norm). it just so happens he was already familiar with italian food and just didn’t care for it. the only thing i knew of mexican food was taco bell, and i knew nothing of mixed drinks.

i got hooked on carnitas, enchiladas, sopapillas, oh my! discovering the best mexican spots in town became one of OUR favorite things to do together. by no means has the man turned me into a pig nor an alcoholic, but I acknowledge that i’ve changed my eating habits and it began to show. so i’ve changed my activity level accordingly. how’s that for maturity?

and as for commonality, we did come to the table possessing the same thing; the means and willingness to explore new places, sample different things and truly enjoy our time, ambiance and conversation.

Leggs

October 21st, 2011
9:59 am

@oneofeach ~ pls forgive, I read the entire post wrong.

i'm swiss™

October 21st, 2011
10:01 am

HUH? — Didn’t read the blog post, did we? ;-)

Leggs

October 21st, 2011
10:04 am

@swiss ~ you beat me to it (lol).

Celisea

October 21st, 2011
10:04 am

Swiss, feeling spunky this morning ey? LOLOLOL

disco

October 21st, 2011
10:04 am

well, it’s not exactly in line with habits but one thing I expect to get out of relationships (romantic and platonic) is new ideas or experiences. I want people to “turn me on” to something. I hate being the one to always suggest restaurants, activities, books, movies, whatever. If someone can introduce me to something I haven’t experienced and it turns out that I like that something then they have, in that small way, improved my life a little bit. it can be as simple as selecting something on a menu that I’ve never had before or getting me to watch a movie that I never would have selected on my own. I know this is a small thing but it’s big to me.