Sex: Does it mean anything?
A friend of mine is knee-deep in a relationship that she didn’t go looking for. Apparently, it was one of those booty call to boyfriend kind of transitions that isn’t necessarily premeditated.
One could argue that once sex is introduced in a dating relationship, it changes the dynamics. Does it have to mean the same thing to both of you? When do you know that it does or when it doesn’t?
Sex doesn’t always mean exclusivity, but do you think it should?
What impact, if any, do you think sex has on a new relationship?
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506 comments Add your comment
Fion
October 19th, 2011
10:32 am
@Leggs
it’s not me.
Kym
October 19th, 2011
10:33 am
My male cousin always says..”Coochie-coo is the downfall of man..”
Pinky
October 19th, 2011
10:35 am
@UGA1999
Co-Sign on that 10:29 Post!
Leggs
October 19th, 2011
10:35 am
@LL ~ had to laugh at that!
Crassmaster
October 19th, 2011
10:35 am
There really is no better way to say “I love you” than a well-placed pinky.
Kirk
October 19th, 2011
10:35 am
I generally read this blog and seldom ever post, but the clubbiness (sic) of this blog by some of the most regular posters and those who try to be funny usually is not. Not that its a big deal, but I don’t see anybody on any of the other blogs wishing “Good Morning.” My comments are not directed to anyone in particular, and so if any there’s type of blowback, I’ll just have to take with a grain of salt. That being said, hardly anyone is interested in getting to know people without becoming sexually involved anymore, so its hard to see how it remains a precious thing.
UGA 1999
October 19th, 2011
10:35 am
Thanks Pinky….It is always the woman that says it is “just a physical thing” and everytime they are the one that start to get all emotional….i love you blah blah blah.
Leggs
October 19th, 2011
10:36 am
@Fion ~ you are cracking me up!
M'Karyl
October 19th, 2011
10:38 am
Of course sex changes everything…& it does not matter if it is a romantic or platonic relationship…once sex has been introduced the entire dynamic shifts based on the post-sex personalities of the individuals involved…
Some ppl become more space possessive of another person…others can become more aloof to the person…and then there are whatever emotional values we have that are attached to sex…meaning our personal emotional value…sex for some has a more profound emotional value and for some others not so much…
How we value sex and why we choose to become sexually involved with someone really depends a lot on our emotional-sexual well being, what we need from sex and why we need it…and it can get in the way if we let it…a friend’s mother once told me that a good piece of a$$…does not for a relationship make…indeed it does not…being able to enjoy sex with someone does not mean they will be good matey material…it means they are good in bed…& sometimes, that is all the relationship needs to be…anything else more seriously involved now has the sex in the way…
And some ppl will tolerate almost anything for as long the sex is gratifying, steady, etc…even a pseudo-relationship act…to keep it going…& no, sex is not exclusive and whether it should be or not depends on the ppl who are involved in that decision & what type of relationship they have to each other…sex is apt to be less exclusive the more casual the relationship and more exclusive the more serious the relationship…pretty much…
There are so many age demographics in the dating scene today…I recently read about how my age group (The Middle Age Baby Boomers) are facing the challenges of dating and when to have sex as an older more mature person…and it is not the same as it is for younger ppl who are maturing through the aging process and its experiences…one thing about it…all relationships loose their clarity without proper and effective communication between the ppl involved…& communicating about why you are sexually involved with someone should be done…
Mike P
October 19th, 2011
10:39 am
@Leggs: really? I find that today, the weather has brought a refreshing air about it, magical even… I woke up this morning, feeling really awesome!
Kym
October 19th, 2011
10:39 am
@Kirk..honey…sigh..normally when folks say its not a big deal..usually means for them.. its a big deal…
On the political blogs people post regularly and they know exactly which nuttyfruity..will get riled up at that days topic. Cynthia Tucker has her own happy band..of nuts who comment regularly. If got something to say join in.
czBrat
October 19th, 2011
10:40 am
@BradSRQ do you know Better or something cause I don’t remember reading reading that the grandkid was a boy. Just said grandchild.
rhut rho
Celisea
October 19th, 2011
10:40 am
Good morning Kirk and “WELCOME”
Leggs
October 19th, 2011
10:41 am
@Kirk ~ it’s a blog of regular folk. Personally, I see nothing wrong with well wishes in the morning. I treat the invisible the same way I treat the visbile. Be kind to all, even through a computer screen.
Legg Lover
October 19th, 2011
10:41 am
@Leggs….you are too funny! Love that! So how can we chat off of this blog???
Celisea
October 19th, 2011
10:42 am
I see hugs are needed today. Heck I need a hug.
Celisea
October 19th, 2011
10:42 am
Simple Man, I responded
BluEyedGurl
October 19th, 2011
10:43 am
Morning! Have to say I’m a new responder but read the blog everyday…so take it easy on the newbie.
To me sex changes everything. I was in a FWB relationship for 3 years, recently ended, and have sworn to never take that route again. It was emotionally damaging to me and still recovering but have kept up with this blog for pick-me-ups…thanks for the relief!
SoldierMike6ft2
October 19th, 2011
10:43 am
I think women tend to get more caught up in the act of sex than most of us men do. So it probably changes things for a lot of women because after they choose a guy they’re obviously attracted to and then have sex with him, most times the “where are we going with this?” statement soon follows.
Celisea
October 19th, 2011
10:43 am
BluEyedGurl – Welcome!!
Leggs
October 19th, 2011
10:43 am
@M’Karyl, M’Karyl, is that YOU CHILE….So glad to read you!
@Mike P ~ that’s fabulous. Ooops, according to Kirk, we shouldn’t be pumping each other up!
Welcome Kirk.
Celisea
October 19th, 2011
10:45 am
I think the dynamics changes for men as a result the emotional change that happens in women….after sex. They gotta (well not really) deal with you dealing with your emotions. Everybody is affected.
Leggs
October 19th, 2011
10:46 am
@czB ~ good catch!
Legg Lover
October 19th, 2011
10:47 am
@blueyedgurl Welcome…I’m a newbie here too. I understand totally what you mean regarding FWB’s…not the ideal situation for sure.
Leggs
October 19th, 2011
10:48 am
@LL ~ let’s keep it here on the blog…we are doing fine right here!
Exiled!
October 19th, 2011
10:48 am
Cracking UP!!
so far,Crassmaster…u in the Lead!
Ima chill today!
Legg Lover
October 19th, 2011
10:49 am
@Leggs….LOL…alll right then. Cool with me…just brand new here.
rudy
October 19th, 2011
10:50 am
booty-calls are awesome!!!!!!
Leggs
October 19th, 2011
10:50 am
@BlueEye ~ thank you for finding relief through this blog. No doubt it can be entertaining, insightful, even scary. 3 years in a FWB relationship can be draining. You took off your color coated glass and can now see the forest for the trees….Stay strong!
Celisea
October 19th, 2011
10:53 am
Welcome Rudy!!
czBrat
October 19th, 2011
10:53 am
uga, careful how you throw around the “always” and “everytime”.
HiYa, gurl. sorry to hear you’re reeling from the end of the relationship. we also comingled for a little over 3 years. i know what made our situation work and transition back into a healthy friendship was clear communication as to what we were doing, why, and what our expectations were. as soon as we started wanting different things from each other, we talked it out and decided how best to handle it.
be thankful for whatever personal growth you take away from the experience and look forward to applying it in your next relationship. you’ll be fine!
Leggs
October 19th, 2011
10:55 am
@LL ~ Welcome. Nice that you like my rants and you love ME! I have arrived!!!!
gapeach
October 19th, 2011
10:55 am
Yes sex changes a relationship. Period.
For the people talking about sexing up before a relationship well that happened to me. I met my bf right after he got out of marine boot camp and we had sex the second day after knowing each other (call me a slut or what you will) but we have been together 4 years and plan on getting married. Neither of us planned on meeting each other and doing the deed that fast, but it happened. I felt very awkward the next day (since those actions were very out of character for me), but I wouldn’t change a thing.
Fion
October 19th, 2011
10:56 am
” Apparently, it was one of those booty call to boyfriend kind of transitions that isn’t necessarily premeditated.”
Aye baby, it was a jump off and you knew it. Ok, you earned a spot in the line-up. Now you want more playin’ time.
That was not part of the contract you signed. Your rotational day is Thursday, with the potential to upgrade to Saturday if you play ya cards right. You keep up all this complainin’ you gonna end up cut from the squad.
UGA 1999
October 19th, 2011
10:57 am
Czbrat….ok you are right, but in all of my experiences. And I have had a few!
Humble Man
October 19th, 2011
10:57 am
What I think everybody is missing here is that we’re confusing sex with exclusivity and confusing exclusivity with a committed relationship and all three factors can be mutually exclusive of one another. They shouldn’t be but they often are. If the sex is just a booty call, then, of course there’s no exclusivity, but if you’re in a committed relationship with your partner, then there’s got to be exclusivity, or the relationship just isn’t going to work and is not going to be healthy, physically or emotionally.
I contracted herpes from my wife because she slept around a lot before our relationship, but I still love her and we’ve been married for twenty five years. She says she regrets it every day, but when we were dating, she went out with other guys and she describes herself as a “broken woman” now, and she’s walked away from that lifestyle and is a different person.
To say that it’s just sex and doesn’t mean anything is a bit naive and, yes, sex changes a relationship and can be quite harmful.
Whoz53
October 19th, 2011
10:57 am
Come On Man! SEX is a POWERFUL agent.That’s like telling me that a person can be introduced to HEROIN walk away with no opinion. Again, SEX changes everything!
Purple Reign
October 19th, 2011
10:58 am
Would you really want to be involved with a person in which sex changes nothing for them at all?
Legg Lover
October 19th, 2011
10:58 am
@Leggs….you better believe it!!! Leggs get me everytime!!! So keep em coming! LOL
Celisea
October 19th, 2011
11:00 am
Welcome Welcome Welcome to all the new folks
SoldierMike6ft2
October 19th, 2011
11:01 am
LOL @ Fion!! Playa-Playa!! LOL
Legg Lover
October 19th, 2011
11:01 am
@celisea…thanks glad to be here…this is fun!!!
Leggs
October 19th, 2011
11:02 am
Who are you??
Exiled!
October 19th, 2011
11:03 am
Leggs and Czbrat?
why are hugging that chic(blue(pink)eyed) as if she just lost a loved one?
Really? a grown woman in a 3 year,consensual FWB needs a compassionate hug?
It’s not as if s.e.x is cocaine is it.
It’s funny to me tho how ..I mean….
I doubt dudes that know her dude are doing same thing…
(in hoarse Mandingo voice):
‘Sorry dawg for that FWB breakup and shaking off that girl!!! Be strong dawg’
Leggs
October 19th, 2011
11:04 am
*******************************WELCOME BANNER******************************************
TO ALL THE NEWBIES! RUN, WALK, FROLIC IN THE MADNESS!!!!!!
Legg Lover
October 19th, 2011
11:04 am
Who am I?!?!?
Leggs
October 19th, 2011
11:05 am
Dagnabit, I was hoping for the right number of asteriks to make it on one line!
gapeach
October 19th, 2011
11:05 am
fail lol
I like it here…why havent I came here before?
Leggs
October 19th, 2011
11:06 am
Hush Ex. She gets a hug for ending it. The demise of any sexual relationship can be devastating. To give 3 years mean a lot of feelings, a part of her life was given.
UGA 1999
October 19th, 2011
11:07 am
I find that women get much more attached and clingy than the men once sex is introduced into the relationship.