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Sex: Does it mean anything?

A friend of mine is knee-deep in a relationship that she didn’t go looking for. Apparently, it was one of those booty call to boyfriend kind of transitions that isn’t necessarily premeditated.

One could argue that once sex is introduced in a dating relationship, it changes the dynamics. Does it have to mean the same thing to both of you? When do you know that it does or when it doesn’t?

Sex doesn’t always mean exclusivity, but do you think it should?

What impact, if any, do you think sex has on a new relationship?

506 comments Add your comment

Purple Reign

October 19th, 2011
3:54 pm

Leggs, but guess what she learned to not get sideways after that when she was buying.

Amber Cole is not a victim. She willingly gave a kid a bj outside the school door on the steps in the broad daylight. I don’t feel sorry for her or her parents.

i'm swiss™

October 19th, 2011
3:55 pm

C — Thankfully, I never have — at least not nearly to that degree. The craziest thing I’ve ever personally encountered is an ex admitting to me after the fact that she staked out my house after we split & watched from her car to see what girls were coming/going from my place. But no property or body parts were damaged. :lol:

Purple Reign

October 19th, 2011
3:55 pm

I didn’t watch nor do I want to watch the video. I bet that will get you arrested for having kiddie porn on your computer if you do watch it.

Leggs

October 19th, 2011
3:57 pm

Celisea

October 19th, 2011
3:58 pm

Swiss – an ex admitting to me after the fact that she staked out my house after we split & watched from her car to see what girls were coming/going from my place

Swissy…boo…that was tettering on crazy. If you can use the words gun, knife, drown, stalk, stab, lurk then you’re in the realm of crazy. Doesn’t matter if you’re the recipient or giver :)

GlammourGirl

October 19th, 2011
4:01 pm

Even doing it willingly, she didn’t know she was being recorded for the world to see. When I googled it, an article from the UK came up. People are talking about it everywhere. It was the top trending topic on twitter. I feel for her.

disco

October 19th, 2011
4:01 pm

well on a different happy note – I just mailed off the final car payment. I did a little happy dance and I’ll do another happy dance when the title comes in the mail. one less bill – Yippee!!!

GlammourGirl

October 19th, 2011
4:03 pm

According to V103, she deactivated her twitter and facebook, because she was getting so many harrassing messages. And they say (not sure how they know) that she was considering suicide.

i'm swiss™

October 19th, 2011
4:04 pm

“…that was tettering on crazy”

I suppose, but it’s still a far cry from vandalizing property & or beating the sh!t out of someone. Good thing she didn’t break any of my sh!t, too, ‘cos then I’d have had to choke a b!tch. :lol:

(That was a joke, BTW) :lol:

Purple Reign

October 19th, 2011
4:05 pm

So GlamGirl, her being 14 years old giving a boy a bj at school with another boy sitting right beside her..is not a problem..and yet another boy behind her video taping it unbeknownst to her is? I think it was safe to assume that someone would have seen them out there

Purple Reign

October 19th, 2011
4:07 pm

Well when you have strippers becoming stars and women making sex tapes and becoming celebs…these kids need their parents more than ever

Celisea

October 19th, 2011
4:08 pm

I don’t care…that’s a young girl who will never live that down. It’s not cute, it’s not funny and it’s easy to blame her. Kids today think they know…they think they know live, love and living so no, I don’t fault her. Is she some fast hot tail…proably. But then who is not at that age. And being fast don’t mean you do EVERYTHING….but it’s nature and it’s what you do at that age. How can you NOT have compassion on kid doing something and obviously and rightfully have no clue of the ramifications? How can you look down on a kid that sees trash and crap going on everyday? Most think it’s the norm. Parents have got to realize the extent you have to go to keep you kid out of harm’s way. When you have kids or when they reach this age, you see how challenging it can be. And guess what? My kid don’t give me the problems I’m sure a lot of kids are dishing. She’s not an angel but I tell her. Which is key. My coworker is a SS teacher and she was telling me last week how disappointed she is right now in her 7th grader. She just found out she has a boyfriend in the 11th grade. Half the problem is parents looking out there at other kids believing their kid won’t the same. The just figure that without telling them anything. Sure we talk on a grandscale but what kid will tell you of the naughty things they’re doing or want to do or being persuaded to do?? Right and because they won’t tell you….you tell them ahead of the game…”looka here I better not catch…” or “I know you see this that and the other all day everyday here’s where your life is going if you do this that and the other…” Never make assumptions about kids. Never think your kid is above reproach. And as the good books says, “Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child. Take the rod and drive it out of him” The rod being a switch, sometimes, a belt sometimes and more than anything the Word of God…it’s a rod within itself.

Okay that is all.

Leggs

October 19th, 2011
4:11 pm

That is horrible!!!!

Celisea

October 19th, 2011
4:12 pm

Good thing she didn’t break any of my sh!t, too, ‘cos then I’d have had to choke a b!tch.

(That was a joke, BTW)

LOLOLOL….stooop

Okay there was a ton of typos and my heart was racing while I typed that….lol I’m just so passionate when it comes to kids because folks become judgemental when if you dig a little deeper, it may not be the exact same thing but you can find them in yourself.

Purple Reign

October 19th, 2011
4:13 pm

So blog ladies what made you NOT give bj’s in highschool outside the doors of the school in broad daylight with other boys around at the age of 14. Why did you all not do that?

Leggs

October 19th, 2011
4:18 pm

Because at 14 I valued myself. I really did. It was disgusting and I was still a virgin!

Leggs

October 19th, 2011
4:19 pm

@14, it never entered my mind to put someone’s D in my mouth!

Celisea

October 19th, 2011
4:21 pm

Purp – Because first of all, at that age sucking anybody’s anything was nasty. And if I left HS a virgin (which I did), sucking nuts was definitely not on the list. Because void of my mama telling me, it’s an act that’s no matter how much men love it’s always associated in a demeaning manner. Make a dude made and what does he say??? “Suck my nuts” Or let me talk about a woman in a less than favorable light and what comes up…blowjobs. IMO that’s something I learned early on that it’s ain’t rolling up in the act…for me it’s not “casual” like that. And because of how my mother raised me.

We are far far removed from principles and awareness. Most kids in high school have parents that are preoccupied with their relationships and they think a word here or there will do it. You gotta look past a kid getting an attitude cause you’re up in their business. Heck your business is my business until you can “see” straight. BJs in high school now is the going thing and if a parent won’t put some sort of gauge on things and acts and activities and it’s something they see all around them everyday, how else will they know really what’s cool to do versus not.

When my kid went to middle school it was like culture shock for me and I’m not that shockable. Now take a kid wanting to fit in and get with it. They’re gonna have to do most if not all to get in where they fit in. A parent will have to knock that theory out the box and teach otherwise.

Purple Reign

October 19th, 2011
4:21 pm

Leggs, how did you learn to value yourself?

Leggs

October 19th, 2011
4:24 pm

@PR ~ with righteous teachings from my mother, religious instructions and staying in Church. I learned early that my body was an important vessel and shouldn’t be given to any Tom, Dick or Harry!

Lessons I carry to this day.

Purple Reign

October 19th, 2011
4:24 pm

So would any of you agree that the issue of her doing the act is actually a bigger issue than it getting posted to the web?

Leggs

October 19th, 2011
4:25 pm

Also, I always believed I was to be respected and not manhandled. I put out that which I want back.

Celisea

October 19th, 2011
4:27 pm

And had I not done a few drop-ins and unexpected visits I would have (believed it if told) not believe such things go on. Sex, cussing, smoking weed, cutting class….all of it…and yes middle school. One time I “dropped in” and before I left the stairwell to enter the hall on which my kid had a class I would not have believed it. I could hear from the stairs the yelling and screaming coming out of this one class. So I approached, then stopped then knocked. There was so much noise that they couldn’t hear me. So, I borrowed some kid’s stick and started banging. The teacher unlocked the door and what did I find? The class was TOTALLY out of control. She looked frazzled and afraid. I asked um, why are you holed up in here like this with these kids acting like animals. She said she’d tried to put in a movie but no avail. I’m talking jumping, screaming, throwing, cussing, fighting…I stepped in there for a sec and they calmed down. I went and found the assistant principle and said you have so many minutes to get down there and take control or else I’m dialing 911.

disco

October 19th, 2011
4:28 pm

video or no video. what goes on in the dark always come to light. in our pre-technology day she would have still been dogged for doing the deed it just would have been word of mouth and not as wide spread.

Leggs

October 19th, 2011
4:31 pm

I hope she’s not suicidal. No doubt she’s humilated, but it will pass. Something is wrong with her line of thinking to believe if she did this act she would get her boyfriend back. Young, dumb and gullible.

Purple Reign

October 19th, 2011
4:34 pm

Leggs, she did it to get her boyfriend back? This just gets deeper and deeper. Is her dad in her home?

Leggs

October 19th, 2011
4:36 pm

I haven’t read anything that answers that question, PR!

Exiled!

October 19th, 2011
4:38 pm

Is her dad in the home?

12% chance he is!

Celisea

October 19th, 2011
4:40 pm

Before Amber is any of the names she has been called, she is someone’s daughter first. Where are the men in this child’s life? Judging off her desperation to win back an old boyfriend that she shouldn’t have had in the first place, Amber is completely vulnerable.
Perhaps there is a male void in her life which lead to her seeking validation from boys. This easily leads back to a popular community slogan, “Protect Our Children.”

I copied this from an article…I agree. And what about the boys? I bet no one will talk to them on what it is to respect…just bet.

Celisea

October 19th, 2011
4:43 pm

Let’s not handle young girls seeking and looking for love in all the wrong ways and all the wrong places. Let’s save the name calling and judgement for grown folks making dumb stupid decisions….if you will.

On on that note (cause I know some folks are proably cussing me out…lol) Night folks!

Leggs

October 19th, 2011
4:44 pm

Did any of you see the video of the girl crying for folk to leave Amber Cole alone? She has scary eyes

Exiled!

October 19th, 2011
4:45 pm

This is more than peer pressure at 14

She got that from home….

Mama’s house is proly a revolving door of boyfriends.

Dad is not there but mama is getting her ho on,in full view of Amber

Like mama like daughter!

Leggs

October 19th, 2011
4:46 pm

@Celisea ~ I read that article you took that from. I agree, she doesn’t need to be villified. She needs help RIGHT NOW. This video and the backlash may send her over the edge….

Exiled!

October 19th, 2011
4:47 pm

Celisea,u going to bible study? :lol:

u need Chuurch tonite to cool if today’s crazy that re-surfaced a bit

Good nite!

DreamsMaterialize

October 19th, 2011
4:47 pm

Leggs, she did it to get her boyfriend back?
I thought she did it in exchange for a pair of sneakers.

Either way, everyone involved needs their a$$ whooped. That girl is lacking something in her life. Where is her father? What role has he played in her life? I know my own daughter will grow and make mistakes along the way like the rest of us, but she’ll never under any circumstances be under the impression (real or imagined) that I don’t have her covered. She knows I handle my business, and she know I never halfstep when it comes to her. As her father, she trusts me, believes in me, looks to me for guidance, believes I will protect her at all costs. I bust my a$$ everyday to make sure I don’t lose that. That’s why I always do what I tell her I’ll do. I don’t break promises. She has to know and believe with all of her being that I’ve got her covered, no matter what. If she believes that, then she won’t be tempted to believe other people’s empty promises. Certainly not the promise of some damn shoes. I take my role seriously. I’ve been blessed and deemed worthy of the honor of raising my child. Under no circumstances can I mess that up. You only get one shot. Failure is not an option.

Leggs

October 19th, 2011
4:47 pm

@Ex ~ YOU HAVE A PROBLEM, DUDE!

Celisea

October 19th, 2011
4:48 pm

Exiled – I was trying to go home..lol I need church all the time silly man. No crazies surfaced today. Trust me you would recognize my crazies. Those are long ago put away.

Purple Reign

October 19th, 2011
4:49 pm

Who is calling her names other kids?

I just read where the girl promoted her twitter page after the incident video was posted and that her parent made her delete her twitter page

Celisea

October 19th, 2011
4:50 pm

Exactly Dreams exactly. I heard she did it for sneakers too. It’s easy to say things but when you have your own you can’t help for feel for other kids too.

I too expect my kid to make mistake some now and many many more later. But for all that I can do and prevent now, I’ll die trying. And the best thing for a kid that’s fallen is to hand them a helping hand. The rest of the world will handle stepping on and judging them.

disco

October 19th, 2011
4:51 pm

well if it’s EOD time. I’ll throw this in since it’s kind of fitting for the crazies and the misguided.

“kindness is the oil that eases the friction of life” – unknown

Leggs

October 19th, 2011
4:58 pm

Well done, disco.

Exiled!

October 19th, 2011
5:02 pm

For sneakers?

Lawd have mercy!

Look after ur kids

these ho s

Good nite!

GlammourGirl

October 19th, 2011
5:06 pm

I hadn’t heard that she did it for sneakers or to get her boyfriend back. I just know that she did it. I’m not in any way saying it was ok for her to do it. She shouldn’t be doing that at her age, but unfortunately, it’s the norm. And at her age, no I wasn’t doing that in broad daylight or behind closed doors. I knew better. And I agree that the issue is that she did it. But with all that being said…I still feel for her.

I think this is a good opportunity for parents to talk to their children. I mentored girls for over 8 years with a couple of different organizations. And the girls confided in me a lot. There’s so much going on in these girls’ lives that their parents have no clue about. They are seeing so many things that their parents are doing that the parents aren’t aware of. And sometimes I had to take some of the things that they told me in confidence to their parents, because I know if that was my child, I would want to know.

Purple Reign

October 19th, 2011
5:09 pm

I would beat my sons butt if he were involved in something like that…after I give him a high five for his first bj. LOL just kidding

Exiled!

October 19th, 2011
5:11 pm

Me to PR!

Lol

Purple Reign

October 19th, 2011
5:11 pm

Celisea

October 19th, 2011
5:13 pm

GG – There’s so much going on in these girls’ lives that their parents have no clue about. They are seeing so many things that their parents are doing that the parents aren’t aware of. And sometimes I had to take some of the things that they told me in confidence to their parents, because I know if that was my child, I would want to know

And this is what I said earlier. Some parents are just clueless and assume their kid won’t do certain things. Make no assumptions on one end and assume all things on the other. Not cynical not putting a kid down but enough to have lines of communication for them to tell you or for you to get in and find out for yourself. And I agree, there were many many things I put aside in the name of “fun” once my kid came along.

I said I was going home…night night for real this time. I was actually on the phone with my kid

Celisea

October 19th, 2011
5:13 pm

Exiled – Bible study with me? LOL

Purple Reign

October 19th, 2011
5:21 pm

Celisea do you want to play hose and grown up with me? LOL

Purple Reign

October 19th, 2011
5:22 pm