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Sex: Does it mean anything?

A friend of mine is knee-deep in a relationship that she didn’t go looking for. Apparently, it was one of those booty call to boyfriend kind of transitions that isn’t necessarily premeditated.

One could argue that once sex is introduced in a dating relationship, it changes the dynamics. Does it have to mean the same thing to both of you? When do you know that it does or when it doesn’t?

Sex doesn’t always mean exclusivity, but do you think it should?

What impact, if any, do you think sex has on a new relationship?

506 comments Add your comment

MzNewy

October 19th, 2011
7:50 am

It clouds your judgment. Some folks equate sexual compatibility with overall compatibility. See if you like him/her as a person before introducing sex into the relationship.

Randyt (aka...Been There, Done That, Have a Closet Full of T-Shirts)

October 19th, 2011
7:52 am

1) Sex ALWAYS changes the dynamics of a relationship.
2) I’m just exclusive by nature, so if I offer my opinion, (as I have before), it is biased.
3) If it does not mean the same thing to both of you then it is pretty certain one of you will be hurting sooner or later (read sooner).
4) If you have a pleasant conversation rather than run for the door after sex…it means something IMHO.

At the end of the day, most of us are not going to consider the logic anyway, but instead are going to listen to our hormones and then try to justify it later. We generally aren’t that strong.

Okay boss, I get it, you pay me…talk to y’all later.

Randyt (aka...Been There, Done That, Have a Closet Full of T-Shirts)

October 19th, 2011
8:03 am

re: “See if you like him/her as a person before introducing sex into the relationship”.

Sometimes they have been known to follow you home and scratch on your door, so this is essential for long term peace of mind.

Kym

October 19th, 2011
8:55 am

Good Morning All,

Well I am sure my buddy ForReal will explain this wayy better than I will . But it is my belief that if a person says I just wanna have sex with you..that is really all they want. Now RandyT..I have yet to have sex with someone and not hold some type of conversation..well maybe one time..but that was long long long time ago..but I digress. Look we are all adults. And we really have to learn to take what a person says as their word. So again it is all about presenting your case up front, if the other person is down..carry on. Remember you usually finish how you start in relationships. So if it starts out as a booty-call. It normally ends that way..

Disclaimer: This in no way means that booty-calls can’t lead to long term relationship..stranger things have happen.

Jamesu

October 19th, 2011
8:58 am

perhaps I misunderstand. You started this thread with:

“Apparently, it was one of those booty call to boyfriend kind of transitions that isn’t necessarily premeditated.”

I read that as the relationship started as a purely sexual one and then turned into a dating / romantic one. Your question is about the very opposite though.

Exiled!

October 19th, 2011
9:11 am

It shouldn’t mean nor change much.

It’s just sex y’all!

Good morning!

Leggs

October 19th, 2011
9:11 am

Good morning, good morning!!!

Does it have to mean the same thing to both of you? Of course not. Booty calls seem to be the norm, rather FWBs. The person on the receiving end should be able to discern the intent of the call. If not, shame on them!

Sex doesn’t always mean exclusivity, but do you think it should? No, I don’t. Sometimes people just want to get dusted off with no strings attached. As long as both parties know this, it’s all good! Women can walk away from good d… just like men can walk a few blocks after some good p….. before turning back around for a repeat (lolololol).

What impact, if any, do you think sex has on a new relationship? Sex is important to a relationship, but sex too soon will no doubt determine if a relationship will even develop

MsMarriedUp

October 19th, 2011
9:13 am

How many people get twisted up in this one?

Sex and love are two very different animals. EXAMPLE: I can love my brother, my sister, my kids, my parents… unconditionally… and have no desire to have sex with any of them.

Why then wouldn’t this be the same for anyone else I’m professing to love?

That’s because it isn’t the same. Sex is an act, that true toys with and ties up the emotions, but that’s only for those of us who get it twisted. For me, I align sex with food. Too much of either is not good, just as both are necessary to sustain life.

I don’t always have to love what I eat, but of course it’s better when I do. The only difference between the two is there hasn’t yet been a taboo written about eating food that stigmatizes people into feeling ashamed or guilty or dirty to the point that they go into hiding to eat!

czBrat

October 19th, 2011
9:13 am

HiYas!

what a commute. just ugh!

let’s see. when we went from BFs to FWBs, the dynamic changed only slightly. the sex was just fun!! it wasn’t supposed to change the course of our lives. and ultimately, it didn’t. we’re still great friends.

luv the list, randy.
hey Kym! :)

Just Me, Slim

October 19th, 2011
9:26 am

Good chilly willy Wednesday folks!

No, sex does not have to mean the same thing to both parties but it would be a good idea to have an understanding of the arrangement to prevent later issues.
Also, sex doesn’t automatically mean exclusivity but if you KNOW you’re sleeping with multiple partners, you should care enough of yourself and them to take safe sex precautions.

Impact of sex on a new relationship can cause you two to get off track and distracted by the mere physical portion of the courtship. Once that newness of banging each other wears off, you might be looking across the room wondering who the hell this stranger is and why did you think you initially liked them versus now…

Kym

October 19th, 2011
9:31 am

Hey Czbrat!!!

markie mark

October 19th, 2011
9:32 am

It shouldnt be a big thing if both parties are on the same page…..the problem is, this aint 1978. There are infections out there that don’t go away with a washcloth and a shot at the clinic. Your partner may be on the same page, but you are just one page in a chapter in his/her book. Like they say, it isnt just them you are going to bed with, but all of their partners, too. Now THAT can be a game changer in a most fatal way……..

Celisea

October 19th, 2011
9:34 am

Morning Lovelies

As Randyt put it, I’m exclusive by nature so for me yes, sex means exclusivity. Whether on the receiving or giving end per se (because both are “getting it”), bringing sex into the equations ALWAYS ALWAYS changes the dynamics. I’m of the mindset that all things are on the table and understood and relationshipdom is upon us went broaching the quest of becoming intimate and physical.

I for one have never done the FWB nor dusted for the sake of….too much of a sissy (lol) and catching feelings. I’d only be lying to myself and doing the grin and bear it thing…ut uh. I allowed my kid’s father (after becoming null to any emotions or attachment) to give a right nice thorough (lol) dusting a few times but that was solely during my “transition” phase and because of familiarity. And yes I know (and discovered) familiarity breeds contempt.

Anyway bringing things back in tow…yes, sex changes everything and the impact is the dynamic changing and beyond what you can control. I think if you’re going to operate under the guise of FWB, purely physical, no expectations, no exclusivity then be honest enough to deal with the impact of emotions getting drawn in. For me it’s just a deal that’s way too easy for the man and way too much in the way of him having it no other way.

Tech '10

October 19th, 2011
9:39 am

Communication of ones intentions upfront is key.

Sex doesn’t necessaily mean exclusivity, I am in the camp that thinks it should for multiple reasons, STD’s being the biggy.

Sex can have a huge impact in a new relationship if sex was never really discussed, but it doesn’t have to. Whether or not sex does have an impact depends on the individuals.

Bethany

October 19th, 2011
9:42 am

Yes, you betta believe sex changes things.

I used to be HIV-negative and NOT pregnant.

Sex with that cheating, no-good Tremaine sure enough changed all that.

MsMarriedUp

October 19th, 2011
9:50 am

Yes, on the matter of STDs… I still align it with food. Most wouldn’t pick food up out of garbage cans, or not wash it, clean it, cook it… in other words prepare it for consumption. STDs like food have been around as long as food too… something like all the other diseases that have plagued time.

Simple Man.....

October 19th, 2011
9:54 am

Good morning peeps!!!

Of course sex changes things….IMHO, it shouldn’t, But it does… I guess the key is controling what direction the relationship goes in AFTER its jumped the tracks….

Celisea

October 19th, 2011
9:59 am

Hey Simple Man…chocolate snow bunny yet?

Moraless

October 19th, 2011
9:59 am

Does anyone out there have any morals left or have we just turned into sluts and slutmongers????

Celisea

October 19th, 2011
9:59 am

Simple Man…do you still have my email addy? Want to tell you something.

Celisea

October 19th, 2011
10:00 am

Morning Moraless, I do :)

Legg Lover

October 19th, 2011
10:00 am

Hey Leggs!!! :)

Lady~

October 19th, 2011
10:02 am

Morning……yes it changes dynamics…..

Professor

October 19th, 2011
10:04 am

Hello everybody,

I concur. Sex changes everything.

Kym

October 19th, 2011
10:05 am

Aww we must have made it to the front page again this morning..

Harder...please.

October 19th, 2011
10:08 am

@ Moraless – (it should be spelled moralless) – even people in the bible had sex. Are you a sex-only-after-marriage type?

Celisea

October 19th, 2011
10:08 am

Simple Man did you leave?

Kym

October 19th, 2011
10:10 am

@Moraless..naww not everyone…but the rest of us heathens are working on them..

Mike P

October 19th, 2011
10:11 am

@Moraless: Yes! plenty of us still have our morals, we’re just hiding in our sluts and slut-mongers’ costumes! LoL

Better think about it

October 19th, 2011
10:11 am

My son had a two week fling at college, and now he is a dad with a child that lives3 states away and he has to pay $550 per month in child support which will go up in price as he gets raises for the next 22 years. It’s more than just sex. Think about it people… My sons life is ruined now, and I don’t know my first grandchild…

Celisea

October 19th, 2011
10:12 am

Regarding Moraless’ post

I can’t help but wonder if folks are just plain slow….seriously. I mean are the posts translated into something of another? Gotta be a troll trait.

czBrat

October 19th, 2011
10:15 am

@ Kym, speak for yourself. :wink:

Purple Reign

October 19th, 2011
10:15 am

If having sex with a person does not make the relationship exclusive….you are a whore…the both of you.

Mike P

October 19th, 2011
10:16 am

@Better think about it: you are so right about that, wish people took the time to think before they act, maybe even choose better, sooner.

Celisea

October 19th, 2011
10:16 am

Better think about it – You say……My sons life is ruined now, and I don’t know my first grandchild…

A bit dramatic ey??? It’s a beautiful life/baby. Okay so your son will have issues as well as the child’s mother. It’s his life to live and deal. Ever heard of making lemonade out of lemons?

Leggs

October 19th, 2011
10:18 am

@LL ~ ummmm….hey (lol).

@SimpleMan ~ good too see you!

@Better TAI ~ so sad!

Kym

October 19th, 2011
10:20 am

@CzBrat..ohh I was…well me and the rest of the heathens I know and those who pretend they are not..

Legg Lover

October 19th, 2011
10:22 am

@Leggs…loved your comments…actually laughed out loud. How are you???

abc

October 19th, 2011
10:22 am

First of all, booty call baby == ho.

Second, lack of sexual exclusivity == ho.

Third, ‘what impact does sex have on a new relationship’?! Ya kiddin, no?

Fion

October 19th, 2011
10:25 am

@ abc
I’m tired of ya’ll coming on here disrespecting whoe’s. In the world of Whoe’dum there are different levels of Whoe’s.

Pinky

October 19th, 2011
10:25 am

“Say _____! This is Pinky _____!

Good Morning All!

Sex better be exclusive especially if You spend the Time and Money to Invest in her…Pinky Ain’t About the Games…But at the Same Time I’m a Firm Believer of Sex 1st will lead to better things in the longterm of investing more and more time…

Pinky

October 19th, 2011
10:27 am

@Better Think About it

Co-Sign!

Thats why I always come strapped! There Are tons of Women out here in The A who get off on doing that to men…

czBrat

October 19th, 2011
10:27 am

oh i gotcha on the heathern part, Kym, but i don’t pretend to work on it. :lol:

i kid. lemme stop before the villagers appear at my door with torches blazing.

lmao @ leggs. hey lady!

Leggs

October 19th, 2011
10:27 am

@LL ~ I’m good this morning. Omelet sticking to my ribs, orange juice in my system. I had my morning fuel and now I’m revved up.

@Better TAI ~ have you tried to meet your new grandbaby? A newborn. You still have time to have an impact on your grandchild’s life! It’s to you.

UGA 1999

October 19th, 2011
10:29 am

Sex ALWAYS changes things….sooner or later emotions get involved and everything gets really jacked up.

BradSRQ

October 19th, 2011
10:29 am

Better think about it – your son should see the movie Courageous. This may change his thoughts about the woman he met in college and his son (your grandson). Good luck to both of you.

Legg Lover

October 19th, 2011
10:30 am

@Leggs…awesome!!! Gotta love a good breakfast…and a revved up woman!!! LOL

ronnie west

October 19th, 2011
10:30 am

hell yes——- SEX is one of the most powerful forces in the world, second to hunger in my opinion, become friends first, Sex is used as a bargining TOOL. Their’s a reason why some women choose to sell it, and most men will pay strong amounts in some form or another for it,HOPEFULLY DIEASES will slow this process down——- GOD IS WATCHING————HOTEP

Leggs

October 19th, 2011
10:31 am

@czB ~ hey there. I’m in some kind of mood this morning.

I have to make myself laugh this morning! It’s such a dreay day,

Kym

October 19th, 2011
10:32 am

@BradSRQ do you know Better or something cause I don’t remember reading reading that the grandkid was a boy. Just said grandchild.