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Do men like confidence?

While I was in DC this weekend, I hung out on U street a couple of nights. I noticed that a lot of women in DC seemed confident, chic, and polished. Not unlike the women I know and meet in Atlanta, but definitely confident. It is one of the things I think men are impressed by. Of course when the confidence crosses into arrogance, it could become a turn off.

My friend Brian once told me that when a woman tries to appear confident a lot of times, it comes across as bragging. When she starts talking about her degrees, wealth, or accomplishments, he starts to wonder who she is trying to convince.

I think that men do the same thing, but when a woman attempts to be overly confident, it is not received the same way. Most men don’t even care about the number of degrees or the number of zeros in her bank account.

Do you think that men like confident women? Isn’t it a good thing to be happy with who you are?

What do you think the difference is between confidence and arrogance?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

420 comments Add your comment

kimmie

October 18th, 2011
3:48 pm

Now what I do like is a man that can “take charge” and handle things. No boasting and beating of the chest, just handling things, doing what needs to be done, with a quiet “confidence” about himself. Now THAT is reminecent of my father and some uncles and other men I respect.

Randyt (aka...Been There, Done That, Have a Closet Full of T-Shirts)

October 18th, 2011
3:49 pm

I don’t know Celisea…I thought i was being fair, but she would get so mad…again after thinking too much. What do i know, I’m just a man.

Leggs

October 18th, 2011
3:51 pm

@Randyt ~ perhaps it’s just me, but dating just a few months I don’t think I would have started thinking about whether I would be ignored at family gatherings or the wicked stepmother unless me and my man had been discussing our future like that. Were you???? That too could have been lighter fluid for her wrath upon your heart….

Randyt (aka...Been There, Done That, Have a Closet Full of T-Shirts)

October 18th, 2011
3:53 pm

@ Leggs…yeah, she sort of pinned me down on that…told her mom i was going to be the man she was going to marry after only maybe six weeks…something she apparently had never done before. She is sort of type A and makes her mind up really quickly…kind of like me ;-)

czBrat

October 18th, 2011
3:53 pm

i hear ya, celisea. my goal was to meet a man who would love me like my daddy loved me. that man believed my smile put the sun in the sky. he felt that way about all his generations.
and i have, indeed, met such man (thank you Father).
but he’s not my daddy. nor does he want to be. :lol:

Leggs

October 18th, 2011
3:55 pm

Well, since you put a wink behind that statement, doesn’t seem like she really pinned you down. Sounds like you liked the statement and was wrestling with the thought. Seems like both of you moved too fast and got in your own way.

Celisea

October 18th, 2011
3:55 pm

czBrat – Exactly. And doing all the right things mentally, emotionally and phsically frankly I can’t promise what I’ll say or won’t. I dang sure won’t be thinking about my biological father.

Randyt (aka...Been There, Done That, Have a Closet Full of T-Shirts)

October 18th, 2011
3:57 pm

RIGHT!!!! Leggs. Hellz we both knew it when we did it…just felt so dayum intense. We both knew it was too hot too fast.

Sassy Me..Sun Kissed ;-)

October 18th, 2011
3:58 pm

I get your point in the question but the example threw me…off. Per my 3:36

Yes I said it to Mr. Bermuda damn near 20 yrs. ago when we first met at Atlanta Metropolitan waaaay before it was popular but we weren’t doing the grown…dude was my kryptonite and even now I sometimes can’t handle it (but in a good way). He’s always had my number and I don’t mean the digits.

But to say that to a man during the act is beyond me b/c of how I feel about my real sperm donor…but that’s a whole other Oprah. You never did answer my question,though: Why is it that men like being called daddy?..and ye’en bout to sit here and tell me you’ve never been called daddy either..

abc

October 18th, 2011
3:58 pm

Randy, maybe at your next rodeo you’d be better off calf roping than bull riding, eh?

Or, take it like this: you can change the way you think, but you can’t change the way you feel. Feelings have to kind of change on their own, and it usually takes awhile. You can’t really change the way someone else feels either, in fact, you have even less effect in that regard — similar to the challenge of trying to change the way someone thinks, only much more so. You can change someone’s thinking only if they’re open to it. You can’t change their feelings at all, for the most part — they have to be open themselves to allowing their own feelings to change.

Folks get locked in to their feelings. It’s why supposed Christians will go on a rioting rampage — if they thought about it for even a second, they’d realize their mistake, it’s literally a contradiction in terms and behaviors.

So, think more and feel less. Easier said than done, but, leave the feelings to the chicks. As I said to my 20-something son the other day, “Chicks — can’t live with ‘em, can’t feed ‘em to the crocodiles”. He’s just a kid, but he gets it.

2CPTG

October 18th, 2011
3:58 pm

“frankly I can’t promise what I’ll say or won’t.”….

and that’s all I’m saying; nothing incestual implied at all….

Celisea

October 18th, 2011
4:00 pm

and that’s all I’m saying; nothing incestual implied at all….

Exactly, and as I understood you to mean.

2CPTG

October 18th, 2011
4:01 pm

Sassy…..why, you ask? cause it’s just another stroke to the ego, and psyche, at the moment…..

Randyt (aka...Been There, Done That, Have a Closet Full of T-Shirts)

October 18th, 2011
4:03 pm

Exactly Leggs!!! Too hot and too fast. We both knew it when we did it. I’ve had fast plenty of times, I’ve had a number of ladies talking love and marriage within weeks of meeting on multiple occasions. I know I should slow things down but it is hard in the heat of the moment to say slow down. This one moved faster than any…just felt too right. As she said the first time we had an issue, “if something seems to be too good to be true, that’s because it is”.

kimmie

October 18th, 2011
4:04 pm

I understood it too how 2C meant it. It’s just one of those slang things I can’t stand.

Celisea

October 18th, 2011
4:04 pm

Well Randyt, I could say chaulk it up to experience but you have a plethora of tshirts that speaks to that…LOL I say forward looking, takeaways, what works well, what could be done differently, moving foward.

Leggs

October 18th, 2011
4:05 pm

@Randyt ~ you remind of the dude who recently told me he doesn’t want to ruin my life. Well not you, but your girl. I’m sitting here laughing because I could have been her (your girl) and now she’s sitting at home wanting to spit nails at you because she thought you two were headed somewhere joined at the hip. You two were only on the same page while between the sheets.

No, Ex. I hadn’t gone to bed with him!

Randyt (aka...Been There, Done That, Have a Closet Full of T-Shirts)

October 18th, 2011
4:06 pm

@ abc…well spoken…but so dayum hard. I’m an ENFP on the Myers-Briggs/Kiersey Temperament Sorter…and a textbook Scorpio if there is anything to astrology. Really tough for me. All feeling…logic take a back seat. LOL

DreamsMaterialize

October 18th, 2011
4:07 pm

I know I won’t ever sit around trying to convince any chick that she should follow my lead. I just do what needs doing, my way. If you see I have a good track record, then just sit back so I can work through things and trust that things will be ok. Whenever I approach a problem, I’ve thought it through, and I have a game plan (and a few backups). As soon as I let you tell me how to take care of things, then I’m trying to solve a problem with YOUR gameplan. That’s a recipe for disaster because you can almost never implement someone else’s gameplan better than you can put your own into action. Changing up a proven strategy at the last minute is always a risky move. If I have a winning strategy, then I’m rolling with that all day. Roll with me, or find a team that fits your playbook.

BlackMagicWoman

October 18th, 2011
4:07 pm

Uhhhh maybe it’s just me….but calling a man that I am doing “Daddy” “Papa” or even “Papi” feels very Incestuous! Ewwwwwww…and again ewwwwwwwww!

Leggs

October 18th, 2011
4:08 pm

@Randyt ~ the common denominator in you gathering all those tee-shirts is you my man! Stop moving so fast. These women are falling in line to marry or talk about marriage if you aren’t whispering cheap nothings in their air.

Celisea

October 18th, 2011
4:08 pm

Dreams – I know I won’t ever sit around trying to convince any chick that she should follow my lead.

But if you have the lead then you won’t have to convince, you’ll be leading and she’ll be following. You gotta talk and convince you ain’t leading

Sassy Me..Sun Kissed ;-)

October 18th, 2011
4:08 pm

Too hot and too fast. We both knew it when we did it.

Now I’m hearing Jermaine Jackson in the background singing,….Whyyyy don’t you do what you do when you did what you did to meeeee

Come here Randy…let me hold you and tell you everything’s gonna be alright…shhh lay yo head on my pillow. I gotchu.

Okay 2C point made..point taken.

Leggs

October 18th, 2011
4:09 pm

in their ear….

2CPTG

October 18th, 2011
4:10 pm

Incestuous, that’s it…..I knew Incestual didn’t sound right….

Leggs

October 18th, 2011
4:10 pm

@SassyMe ~ get that man’s head off your pillow…that’s where all the trouble starts.

Randyt (aka...Been There, Done That, Have a Closet Full of T-Shirts)

October 18th, 2011
4:10 pm

:-) :-) :-) @ Leggs, Celisea, Sassy, and abc…its all part of the game. Hey, I love the ups and downs of love…the highs are higher and the lows are lower because I like to FEEL!!!

Leggs

October 18th, 2011
4:12 pm

@Randyt ~ if she called next week to meet for lunch or something light, would you go?

czBrat

October 18th, 2011
4:12 pm

I’ve had fast plenty of times, I’ve had a number of ladies talking love and marriage within weeks of meeting on multiple occasions.
s/o denies it but i still say this is why he chose to pursue me. he had a string of too-much/too-soon chicks. first thing i made abundantly clear … not interested in marriage. been there, done that. don’t matter how great you are, i ain’t interested in being re-labeled.

Randyt (aka...Been There, Done That, Have a Closet Full of T-Shirts)

October 18th, 2011
4:14 pm

LOL @ Leggs. i only have one speed, Leggs…full throttle. My father died when he was 29, and my grandfather on my Mom’s side died when he was 26. i’ve been in double overtime since I crossed 30 and I’m afraid if I slowed down for an instant I’d be heading for the crematorium before getting that last little slice of life ;-)

kimmie

October 18th, 2011
4:15 pm

If you see I have a good track record,

Dreams – Agreed and that is the key. I need to see that you have a good track record. Only then am I going to have confidence in your ability to lead. Now if I have not known you for long, so I have noting to go on, I want to see you step up and take the reigns and do what needs to be done – demonstrate to me that you know what you’re doing and not sitting around waiting on someone else to do what needs to be done.

Randyt (aka...Been There, Done That, Have a Closet Full of T-Shirts)

October 18th, 2011
4:15 pm

leggs, first of all, she wouldn’t call, she would text ;-) And the answer is if she texted me right now, i would be at her house pulling down the sheets before my boss figured out Elvis had left the building. LOL

Sassy Me..Sun Kissed ;-)

October 18th, 2011
4:16 pm

get that man’s head off your pillow…that’s where all the trouble starts.

I know right?! He’s got enough going on..

kimmie

October 18th, 2011
4:16 pm

Nothing, not noting!

Sassy Me..Sun Kissed ;-)

October 18th, 2011
4:17 pm

i would be at her house pulling down the sheets before my boss figured out Elvis had left the building

She’s got that THAY-YOW…that THAY-YOW!! Sounds like she threw that young lady upside yo head…

Randyt (aka...Been There, Done That, Have a Closet Full of T-Shirts)

October 18th, 2011
4:18 pm

@ Sassy, thanks for the hugs…and the pillows ;-) I’ll take sympathy affection any time…feels fine to me ;-)

Leggs

October 18th, 2011
4:22 pm

@Randyt ~ I call men like you “diehards.” You can cuss them out, treat them like isht and they keep coming back for more. You don’t even respect this woman, you just respect her ability to make you say Mama!

Doesn’t even sound like you really want a relationship. You just want someone to free fall onto your d…..

czBrat

October 18th, 2011
4:25 pm

:lol: :lol: :lol: @ sassy.

lawd, leggs. no mercy! fella just luvs feeling good. LOL

Celisea

October 18th, 2011
4:26 pm

you just respect her ability to make you say Mama!

Watch out nah, don’t want no one getting sick…ewwwwww :)

Leggs

October 18th, 2011
4:26 pm

Ooops, was that harsh, czB?

Do I need to step back and re-read my post realizing I was a bit brash (lolol) like Celisea says she has done?

Randyt (aka...Been There, Done That, Have a Closet Full of T-Shirts)

October 18th, 2011
4:27 pm

Now Leggs, I like her for her mind too. Truthfully, we laugh, we have the same brutal wit, and we like the same things. But the chemistry, as you have correctly surmised, is somewhat off the charts.

Leggs

October 18th, 2011
4:28 pm

@Celisea ~ just taking a spin on the word “Daddy!”

Celisea

October 18th, 2011
4:28 pm

I gotcha Leggs :)

DreamsMaterialize

October 18th, 2011
4:29 pm

But if you have the lead then you won’t have to convince, you’ll be leading and she’ll be following. You gotta talk and convince you ain’t leading
Celisea I think this is what the rest of my post was saying. I handle my business, always. Might not be how the next man does it or how she thinks I should do it, but the business get handled…thoroughly. My way ain’t the only way, but it’s MY way, and I know it well. She can roll with that or find another dude. We’re either on the same page or we’re not.

Randyt (aka...Been There, Done That, Have a Closet Full of T-Shirts)

October 18th, 2011
4:29 pm

I think the greatest thing we had going…besides the obvious, is that we were totally comfortable with each other from the instant we hugged in the parking lot of the restaurant. I like comfort. Most of the ladies I did not follow up on, and there have been so many, was that I didn’t feel comfortable. (Sorry, abc, there is that bad word, “feel” again, lol).

Celisea

October 18th, 2011
4:30 pm

And the end of day general consensus sums with men like confident women :)

Sassy Me..Sun Kissed ;-)

October 18th, 2011
4:30 pm

But the chemistry, as you have correctly surmised, is somewhat off the charts

Whyyyy don’t you..do what you do when you did what you did to meeeee.

Okay I quit…

czBrat

October 18th, 2011
4:30 pm

no ma’am. not at all. you go right ahead and call that man a spineless lil horndog. :shock:

Celisea

October 18th, 2011
4:31 pm

general consensus sums….was that redundant??

Yeah, I gotcha Dreams

Leggs

October 18th, 2011
4:31 pm

Well you must like her, because most men would walk away from a verbal beatdown like you say she gave you. Too many fish in the pond.