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Do men like confidence?

While I was in DC this weekend, I hung out on U street a couple of nights. I noticed that a lot of women in DC seemed confident, chic, and polished. Not unlike the women I know and meet in Atlanta, but definitely confident. It is one of the things I think men are impressed by. Of course when the confidence crosses into arrogance, it could become a turn off.

My friend Brian once told me that when a woman tries to appear confident a lot of times, it comes across as bragging. When she starts talking about her degrees, wealth, or accomplishments, he starts to wonder who she is trying to convince.

I think that men do the same thing, but when a woman attempts to be overly confident, it is not received the same way. Most men don’t even care about the number of degrees or the number of zeros in her bank account.

Do you think that men like confident women? Isn’t it a good thing to be happy with who you are?

What do you think the difference is between confidence and arrogance?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

420 comments Add your comment

OSHH

October 18th, 2011
9:58 am

I have to agree with Slim, Optimus and Mike P.
It’s ALL about how you see and carry yourself, not accomplishments, or bank accounts <– these things give some people false confidence, that they could not find naturally in themselves and after a short minute it wears thin honey because it is not true.

Celisea

October 18th, 2011
9:58 am

Morning lovelies

HST – The line between confidence and arrogance is very subjective. It’s totally possible to be both but it depends on the audience

Cosign :)

Optimus Prime summed it up (for me)…

Kym

October 18th, 2011
9:58 am

Howdy Kimmie!! Yeah a milktoast dude will just not do for me.

Purple Reign

October 18th, 2011
9:59 am

Hello kimmie! I won’t associate with people in general who are not confident.

Yes!!!!

October 18th, 2011
9:59 am

“Of course when the confidence crosses into arrogance, it could become a turn off”.

You stated that perfectly Wise Diva, there is a huge difference between confidence and arrogance, and a lot of Women need to learn to differentiate between the two……

Celisea

October 18th, 2011
10:00 am

And it’s definitely not worrying about how others receive it. Somebody will like your confidence some will not. Some will say it’s too much and some will see eye to eye with you. Depends on you, your definition, your outlook, how you perceive, what you think about it…so forth and so on. Still shouldn’t stop the confident one from being confident.

Goldie

October 18th, 2011
10:01 am

I think on some level all men like women with confidence. However, some men are more attracted to women who can say that they have all their ducks in a row and are proud of it. My boyfriend is one of those men, thankfully. I think it’s because his own family was never financially responsible, nor did they teach him a lot of things to help him be independent or handy. He loves that I’m teaching him all these things and I’ve inspired him to take charge of his own life and be more assertive in getting what he wants out of life.

But I think men that are peacocks themselves (usually insecurity is behind that) can’t handle women being more successful than them. It’s an ego thing. They need to feel like they’re #1 in every way. They usually wind up with women that don’t have any ambitions beyond being a mom/house wife. The bar is at times pretty low for the man to feel better about himself -I see that among women who never graduated college, or did and had no career goals.

And you know, I guess there’s someone for everyone. But the best couples I know are made of two successful people.

Leggs

October 18th, 2011
10:04 am

Good morning.

I am a confident woman. Nothing mousy about me! I walk with confidence, a self-assuredness, yet not co*cky. Still, I’m always willing to learn from others and collect information that will make me a better person all day, every day.

HST

October 18th, 2011
10:07 am

FTR, I didn’t get my Doctorates to not talk about it…come on. Really if you were a MD or PHD you wouldn’t say anything. RIGHT.

To the relative who didn’t know his Uncle had a PHD…you’re selfish. How did you not know that your Uncle had a PHD. You didn’t take the time to understand a HUGE accomplishment in your Uncle’s life. What would of it took for you to celebrate your Uncle’s PHD? Oh I know, his death or a blog years later.

hazel

October 18th, 2011
10:08 am

@HST – Amen. Water always seeks its own level!! I totally agree with what you are saying. Often though, we change for the better and see that our friends, cousins etc are actually going in the opposite direction. That is when you still keep the ties, but keep em loose.
We do have to be picky when associating ourselves with individuals as their characters, thoughts, etc play an important role.

Purple Reign

October 18th, 2011
10:09 am

Don’t let someones confidence expose your insecurities! Some people may misinterpret confidence as arrogance or cockiness when in reality their confidence just exposed you

Celisea

October 18th, 2011
10:11 am

Hazel – Water always seeks its own level!

I’m just loving the comments this morning….love it!

JustMe, Slim

October 18th, 2011
10:11 am

Legss – Cocky is a word that blog monster doesn’t have a taste for…Let it ride lol

James

October 18th, 2011
10:12 am

I like a woman that has enough confidence in herself to not date everything in Atlanta that wears pants and then write about it.

HST

October 18th, 2011
10:12 am

Well put Purp.

hazel, so true.

Gotta get to work all, until later…

2CPTG

October 18th, 2011
10:13 am

’sup….

lotta nice comments; Purp, gotta agree with ya, “Some people may misinterpret confidence as arrogance or cockiness when in reality their confidence just exposed you”….

yep, ain’t my problem how you perceive “mine”….your perception ain’t my reality…I need a confident chic on my team!

hazel

October 18th, 2011
10:13 am

@HST – u’re 9:28 is very true. It reminds me of my “friends” tha tI broke-up with. They were good friends when it came to getting a drink or something, but when it came to life and the responsiblities, I felt out of place and not on the same page as them. I had to leave them, which left me with no friends really. But I was okay with that, as I rather have no friends that ones that are about nothing.

Leggs

October 18th, 2011
10:16 am

“yep, ain’t my problem how you perceive “mine”….your perception ain’t my reality…”

Very true, 2C. BTW, your girl was on here about a month ago bellowing for your attention (LOLOL).

hazel

October 18th, 2011
10:17 am

@ Celisea – thanks…tis true

kimmie

October 18th, 2011
10:17 am

HST – Other than when you send out your graduation announcements, the people who need to know what advanced degree you have will know it. My husband is an attorney, but he doesn’t go around signing and saying Esquire to everything and everyone. If you’re an MD, the people who need to know will know it. I have an uncle that’s a Ph D & former dean of a business school at a university. But at family reunions he’s Uncle, not Uncle Ph D. When people have to boast about things, we call it not being used to such things, which makes you look kinda sad.

Like hazel said, let other’s ask about your accomplishments. It’s great to be proud of them, but if you need to go around telling everyone and reminding everyone, they must not be that impressive.

CmonSeriously

October 18th, 2011
10:20 am

Hazel 10:13
I feel ya on that one, however depending on your situation, it is not that easy to find people on your own level. My best friends nowadays are mechanics, and fast food employees, and waitresses, bartenders, etc. etc. I don’t think I have a single friend with a decent job right now, I may be out of place but they are still friends.

2CPTG

October 18th, 2011
10:21 am

Hey Leggs……and yeah, so I heard…..

riddle me this, y’all self subscribed “confident” ladies; Do y’all know when to take the hat off, and me a “mate”? Or, are the two conflicting terms? just curious…..

JustMe, Slim

October 18th, 2011
10:25 am

2C – I never thought your confidence came off as arrogance but again, you don’t need my opinion to justify your behavior. ;-)

Celisea

October 18th, 2011
10:25 am

Confidence is from within out. Being friends with someone based on their job, status or career is what snobs not confident people do. Water seeking it’s own level has nothing to do with anything outer…where you work, what you wear, what you drive, what you spend.

Kym

October 18th, 2011
10:25 am

@2C the hat comes off… just like panties come off..when said “mate”..shows and proves..they can handle what is underneath.

Leggs

October 18th, 2011
10:26 am

I know when to take the hat off, as Michael Baisden likes to say “pass the ball Annie Mae!” Give the men his just dues/role in the relationship and let him be at the helm. Now, if he’s “mousy” and need to be kicked to the curb, I again will be at the helm…

Fion

October 18th, 2011
10:26 am

Aye man, it is what it is. You are what you are. It ain’t trickin’ if you got it.

Leggs

October 18th, 2011
10:27 am

@Kym ~ straight whiskey, no chaser!

Celisea

October 18th, 2011
10:27 am

A confident woman recognizes, can be confident and wear the “right” hat…..not his hat nor pants for that matter and not both hats.

2CPTG

October 18th, 2011
10:29 am

Slim, “I never thought your confidence came off as arrogance but again, you don’t need my opinion to justify your behavior.”

Right; yet, so many folks get caught up in trynna “put it out there,” that they sometimes over-do it, and therein lies the many causes for misinterpretations….shiiid, just let it let flow….folks’ll be able to discern….

Mike P

October 18th, 2011
10:30 am

@Goldie: Your comments seems to belittle women who choose to go the traditional route of being a good mother and housewife. You also put down the men who choose these type of women. The bar isn’t set low for these people; they are passionate, ambitious, and confident people. Rather, its those “I am woman, hear me roar, I’m independent so I don’t need a man” types that seem to set the bar lower and lower for women in MHO.

Lou

October 18th, 2011
10:30 am

Confidence at times is good but wears off when it comes to women. I would rather my woman bring other things to the table since I have plenty of confidence and find that I’m the one to whom she defers when it comes to those situations that test one’s confidence. Also, in general, as a man I’m more impressed when you bring something to the table that I do not have. Women, especially the complacent ones in Atlanta, need to embrace womanhood instead of teetering on the brink of quasi feminism then wondering why all your “plainer”, less sophisticated and less educated associates always seem have boyfriends and husbands because they do not feel the need to tell you who they are, challenge the manhood of men as if they can do a better job and actually, like I said earlier, bring something to the table that compliments us instead of shirking traditional roles in the name of “not being boxed in” or pseudo feminism, which especially for minority women, is so out of line with traditional feminism.

kimmie

October 18th, 2011
10:30 am

Do y’all know when to take the hat off, and be a “mate”?

2C – Everyday, all day. I’m quite confident in my “mate” roll as well. Confidence should be a state of mind that covers all of a person, not just in the work world. I should be just as confident at home fixing dinner or relating to my husband or helping the kids with homework, just as I am at work.

Why does confidence and your role as a companion need to be conflicting?

Leggs

October 18th, 2011
10:36 am

I see I read that statement wrong.

CmonSeriously

October 18th, 2011
10:37 am

2cptg
That is a good point, some times just putting yourself out there, and the way you do it can come off as arrogant, even if you truly aren’t that at all, as a for instance, I grew up with a terrible mumbling problem, caused me years and years of pain, until I learned to speak very well and enunciate every single word without accent and without studder, however that can easily be interpreted as talking down to people, just because I have worked very hard on learning to speak well.

GracieL

October 18th, 2011
10:37 am

There are two ways I can assemble new furniture: (1) Grab the tools, take the pieces out of the box, and assemble them. (2) Get some pork chops cookin’ in the kitchen and call a hungry man. The thing is, (2) only works when the man knows what the heck he’s doing. Sadly, I know many men who don’t, and frankly, I don’t want to be the woman who calls them out on that fact.

2CPTG

October 18th, 2011
10:38 am

Kimmie, didn’t say it had to be conflicting….was just curious, cause some ladies, can’t interchange….

but ummm, some’n else caught my eye….

Lou…..I respect what you wrote, but man, looks like you have some chauvinistic undertones wrapped in there; nobody said it yet, but a certain confidence in a woman turns me on! Proper nurturing, and caressing, and she’ll melt like butter…..confidence be damned!

bignugs

October 18th, 2011
10:39 am

Let me say this… I’ve liv e in the south for 12 years. The women down here are stuckup and rude. They lack “confident” anything besides for some lame grits. I’m sorry, I was in new york last week…. I would move there in a min because those women can speak in simple plan “English”. The “southern bells” or “buckhead bettys” that are here are metally slow, where tooo much makeup, can’t speak clear and understandable english. Also, they don’t know anything about anything…. beside how to look good to “get married one day”. I say they are all looking for a meal ticket. REALLY!!!!!!!!!!

and the last problem….. 99% of the females here are FAT or ulgy!!!!!!!!!!!!! Just because you are 110 lb’s does not mean that your not fat. It’s called BMI. When that is lower, people can see you ulgy face under all that fat. Go get a personal trainer and get into shape, I’m tired of looking at you lame o’s that hang out from midtown to alpharetta…. No one want to be with a bag of bones or a walking air balloon. If your trying to get with a guy that got something together, then stop trying to make it work and get your butt to the gym and get on something besides the cardio stuff.

After writing this…. I already know I’m going to leave this “trailer park” soon. Thanks “BMI” women,

JustMe, Slim

October 18th, 2011
10:39 am

I think when I get off work today, I’ll take two shots to celebrate ME in all my quiet, humble, greatness! ;-)

ziza

October 18th, 2011
10:41 am

my answer to this question is no. most black men do not like confident women.

Celisea

October 18th, 2011
10:42 am

Lou – which especially for minority women, is so out of line with traditional feminism.

This statement is a horse of another color. Maybe you should get to the root of why minority are out of line with traditional feminism. I won’t go there today on this one because this is not the topic but let’s just sum it up with traditionally (way back when) men were men thus in turn women were women…..traditionally speaking. And if we speak to minority women not being “traditional” and humble and docile as your post appears to read, then men should resume their role so the woman can HAND HIM BACK HIS HAT, and get withing the realm and design created for “her role.”

hazel

October 18th, 2011
10:43 am

@ CmonSeriously – Well, it has nothing to do with what they do as a profession but who they are. Good morals, values, outlook in life etc. Honestly, I don’t want to be friends with a girl who is interested in another woman’s man as it shows lack of morals on her part ( I had a friend like that). Don’t want friends who are sleeping with everything. Don’t want friends who do not want to move up in life. Its ok to be a bartender, but not for life. U know what I mean?

Exiled!

October 18th, 2011
10:44 am

Good morning!

I think the women in DC are very confident coz of their accomplishments. Without that,I doubt they wld be such confident babes.

It will take an equally successful and accompished guy to wanna step to them.
If u take away one’s money,even a drug dealer,poof gpes the confidence.

Now!, talking and contnously bragging about it is another thing. Yes,a turn off. But confidence is some inner peace. For most people,even those hear pretending,if we take away your money,you won’t even want to go out your house.

I can’t see a dude approaching a fine chic and wanting to continue talking to her unless he’s confident he can close the deal. Lack of money makes that confidence vanish!

How many of u dudes are confident without a coin in ya pocket???

Adam Lambert

October 18th, 2011
10:45 am

BEWARD the divorcee!

OOOO HOOO Bitchy Women!

kimmie

October 18th, 2011
10:46 am

2C – I think that whole thing about some women not being able to interchange is exagerrated. It happens, no doubt, but I don’t believe it to be the extent some say it is. In MY opinion, and what I’ve HEARD others say, it boils down to getting done what needs to be done. And nothing should be going on in YOUR house that you don’t want to happen. If she’s wearing the pants you probably tossed them to her to put on!(Not you personally 2C)

Beretverde

October 18th, 2011
10:47 am

We like her when she has confidence albeit with a slight dose of naivety/stupidity (when I have to work late-wink wink) and whose father owns a liquor store chain, and mother owns a travel agency… she must be smoking hot and able to take care of herself. Yep, that’s the confident girl we REAL men want!

Kym

October 18th, 2011
10:47 am

I really wish people would get their ideas about minority women from someplace other than VH1 and Bravo.

Adam Lambert

October 18th, 2011
10:48 am

I meant, BEWARE

Kym

October 18th, 2011
10:48 am

I also wish “some” minority women would pull their examples of how to behave from places other than VH1 and Bravo.

Leggs

October 18th, 2011
10:49 am

Who opened the doors to the loony bin?