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Do men like confidence?

While I was in DC this weekend, I hung out on U street a couple of nights. I noticed that a lot of women in DC seemed confident, chic, and polished. Not unlike the women I know and meet in Atlanta, but definitely confident. It is one of the things I think men are impressed by. Of course when the confidence crosses into arrogance, it could become a turn off.

My friend Brian once told me that when a woman tries to appear confident a lot of times, it comes across as bragging. When she starts talking about her degrees, wealth, or accomplishments, he starts to wonder who she is trying to convince.

I think that men do the same thing, but when a woman attempts to be overly confident, it is not received the same way. Most men don’t even care about the number of degrees or the number of zeros in her bank account.

Do you think that men like confident women? Isn’t it a good thing to be happy with who you are?

What do you think the difference is between confidence and arrogance?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

420 comments Add your comment

JustMe, Slim

October 18th, 2011
8:23 am

Good morning,

Confidence isn’t something that you have to put on display playing show & tell of all your accomplishments. It’s an energy that says, “Hey, I’m comfortable with who I am and I like ME!”…Arrogance is an IN YO FACE type deal that comes across as if you feel you’re better than everyone else. It doesn’t have a humble energy and is a Turn OFF! It’s almost as if that person is trying to hard to be accepted or liked by hiding by all this other BS that I personally could careless about.

JustMe, Slim

October 18th, 2011
8:23 am

Wow, I was 1st…whoop ti do. ;-)

CmonSeriously

October 18th, 2011
8:26 am

I absolutely hate trying to talk to the life of the party, those girls are fun for a minute, but I would hate to date them for any extended period of time. It would be too tireing to keep them happy with that type of life style. Confident….mehh….I will take the humble girl.

Kym

October 18th, 2011
8:36 am

Good Morning All,

If you have to tell someone all about what you have, what you done, what you got, how you got it, and how luck they are to know you..be you male or female..you are arrogant and that is not confidence and it is not a good look.

CmonSeriously

October 18th, 2011
8:38 am

I love dating successful women, I like to know they have ambition, they can hold a job, they can put their mind toward something and accomplish their goals, they know the value of investing time, money, and effort into things. If they are proud of it, that is great, if they are confident when it comes to being the life of the party, count me out.

Mike P

October 18th, 2011
8:40 am

Good Morning!

I couldn’t care less about what degrees or how many zeroes the woman has; those things don’t show what qualities the woman has or what she can bring to the table.

Character, personality, compatibly, attitude, and most importantly, and “is she attractive to me?”
Based on what she has/lacks in these areas, would determine the direction of my selection process (Yay or nay).

Optimus Prime

October 18th, 2011
8:43 am

You’d better believe that I love a confident woman. And contrary to the article, the gender that is the most vicious towards those confident women….are other women! I’ve rarely, if ever, heard a woman brag about her degrees, bank account, etc. Confidence is in the way they carry themselves, the look in their eyes, the way they present themselves. You can have your ordinary, everyday, boring, average woman that just stands there. I’ll take the confident woman that feels sexy, knows herself and pleased at the way she looks. You can have the “but she’s got a sweet personality” and “she’s so grounded”. I want more out of life than just a little peace and quiet.

Purple Reign

October 18th, 2011
8:44 am

Love confidence and a strong woman. I don’t like a boastful woman. Weak, mousy, needy women are a turn off.

Optimus Prime

October 18th, 2011
8:44 am

Jack Palance said it best “Confidence is very sexy, don’t you think?”

Lady~

October 18th, 2011
8:45 am

Purple Reign

October 18th, 2011
8:46 am

With that being said I like a real woman…not a woman who tried to hang, talk or be “one of the boys”.

DreamsMaterialize

October 18th, 2011
8:49 am

Morning
My experience with DC women has also been that they are very confident…I LOVE that. A confident person comfortably acknowledges their abilities, while an arrogant person attempts to display their abilities at the expense of others. A confident person is self-assured in their abilities and demeanor, while an arrogant person spends time trying to assure everyone else that they possess these things.

DreamsMaterialize

October 18th, 2011
8:52 am

Hey is that Kym? Are my eyes deceiving me? How are you doing?

Kym

October 18th, 2011
8:55 am

Hey there Dreams..it is the she that is me! All is well on my end of the universe. How are you doing sugafoot?

Lady~

October 18th, 2011
9:00 am

OK, my post didn’t go through :( Oh well off to start my day! Have a good day folks! :)

CmonSeriously

October 18th, 2011
9:02 am

A successful woman is far far more attractive than a girl that has no direction, I would take an alright looking woman with personality over a drop dead gorgeous looking girl that is going no where in life and living off of her looks. Send me the confident successful one, the party animals can have the good looking one.

Jeff

October 18th, 2011
9:03 am

Men like the same confidence that women like. Arrogance and overdoses of “self esteem” and sassiness are a turn off.

Tyler McWebb

October 18th, 2011
9:07 am

I don’t think the author understands the meaning of confidence. Bragging is not confidence – it is bragging. Talking about degrees or money is bragging.

You don’t have to have money or be well educated to be confident.

But to answer the question, confidence, when displayed appropriately is a turn-on to all people. Not just men, not just women.

Pat

October 18th, 2011
9:09 am

I agree with Jeff.

Harder...please.

October 18th, 2011
9:12 am

Confidence comes from self-respect. Learning to love yourself is the greatest love of all.

Ms. Di

October 18th, 2011
9:13 am

I so agree with JustMe, Slim. Confidence is something that is shown in your personality, etc., NOT in talk. Men and women alike that “share” their info about friends, degrees, titles, etc. just make me see them as “insecure” and most of the time liars. If you have to tell it, you’re either lying or trying to impress. JUST BE YOURSELF FOLKS.

JustMe, Slim

October 18th, 2011
9:16 am

PR – What’s a “MOUSY” female?

CmonSeriously

October 18th, 2011
9:17 am

I disagree with Jeff, slightly, I don’t think that men and women like the same type of confidence at all. We both want confidence, but it’s in different ways.

PJ

October 18th, 2011
9:20 am

I like confident people, male or female, because they’re inspiring, reassuring, low maintenance, and comfortable to be with. True confidence is usually found to be coupled with humility. The bragging the author describes (degrees, money, etc.) usually stems from fear or insecurity — the opposite of confidence. I don’t like that at all.

Greg S.

October 18th, 2011
9:21 am

Confidence is good. Arrogance is bad for a woman or man. Bottom line is, I’m looking to date the woman, not her stuff or her job.

Ms. Di

October 18th, 2011
9:26 am

Yes, BIG difference in “confidence” and “arrogance”. In fact, I know more “arrogant” men and women than I know “confident” men and women. Like PJ said, extreme opposites in the two.

Tech '10

October 18th, 2011
9:27 am

Confident people don’t have to tell others of their accomplishments, they carry themselves in such a way as to make you wonder who they are. I like those type of women. Arrogance is annoying on either side of the fence, however it is displayed.

Capri

October 18th, 2011
9:28 am

Confidence is knowing and being who you are, you don’t need approval from anyone – just wear it. Bragging is the total opposite (i.e., if you have to pat your ownself on the back, ‘hmmmmm’).

HST

October 18th, 2011
9:28 am

The line between confidence and arrogance is very subjective. It’s totally possible to be both but it depends on the audience.

I will ONLY date women that are confident, accomplished and independent. I am older so these virtues mean the most to me. Nothing is hotter than an educated, independent, confident and mature woman IMO. I will always go for these types because I am the male equivalent of this type.

In my experience, people who are turned off by talking about accomplishments are usually underachievers. Underachievers have their place in life just like an achiever does; yet, both should respect the others’ life choice.

As far as a gender based opinion towards what’s acceptable…I’d like to think the field is even. Underachievers, H8Ters, under-educated and socially inept people will always feel less than no matter what. Instead of making a change they just complain or show disdain. I quit trying to accommodate or care about their issues with life. I think nothing less of them but I’m not going to surround my self with them either.

You are who you surround yourself by and your friends resemble you. As I’ve gotten older, this has become very evident. What’s sad is the realizations I’ve had about long term friendships. It’s not that were not friends anymore. I just can’t put up with or condone their behaviors anymore.

In the end, this is very subjective and we’re all gonna have different opinions. I have so many examples for this subject.

CmonSeriously

October 18th, 2011
9:28 am

For me, I like to talk to women that aren’t so confident that they appear unapproachable, can I go up to talk to this person is going to be my second thought when I see a woman I may be interested in.

Stella

October 18th, 2011
9:32 am

Sorry to say this, but I’ve been in the south 35 years. Have dated so many southern men, and it finally dawned on me that I need a man from the northeast. This whole southern gentleman thing is a crock of *$!. Never have I met so many arrogant, good-ole-boys, who SAY they would like a confident woman, but then when they meet one, their oh-so-fragile egos are threatened. Manners and chivalry? Not in the south any longer … I find it quite rare for a man to even think about holding a door open for a woman. I’ve dated too many lazy, overweight, arrogant, beer-guzzling white collar (yup, white collar) southern idiots. Finally found myself a wonderful, classy, driven, sexy man from New York. Thank you, Lord. Let the tomatos fly, I could care less.

HST

October 18th, 2011
9:34 am

CmoSeriously, it seems you’ve already limited yourself. I say go up to the hardest approachable woman in the room. Try it, you just might succeed. At least you know the next one will be easier.

I equate this to business…where would you be if you didn’t take risks. The worst you lose here is a few minutes.

Purple Reign

October 18th, 2011
9:35 am

Slim, mousy or mouse-y. You know meek, shy, introverted, timid.

I’ve never met a woman who was unapproachable, I haven’t always been succesful with every woman I approached but I sure would approach any one of them that I felt like approaching lol

Cheated-On Guy

October 18th, 2011
9:36 am

FAITHFULNESS > Confidence

HST

October 18th, 2011
9:39 am

Stella, you’re hanging out with posers, southern Gentleman are not extinct. Glad you found a man that acts appropriately and brings it home for ya!

For as many men with lackadaisical attitudes and mannerisms there’s just as many women.

Stella

October 18th, 2011
9:42 am

Thank you, HST. I love the south, and sorry to group most men from the south in this category, but I finally turned my sights north. I’ve dated other men from Boston, NY and NJ, and they, too, were classy gentlemen. It’s definitely geography.

hazel

October 18th, 2011
9:45 am

Confidence is a turn-on when expressed correctly. Let ME ask what you do for a living, and about your accomplishments etc. Don’t give me your resume..that’s not confidence. If a person has confidence, usually you can feel it when around them. They don’t have to show off their confidence.
And I don’t think Confidence is native to DC only . Atlanta women are confident as well. Confidence is universal.

GracieL

October 18th, 2011
9:46 am

From what I’ve seen, they are attracted to confidence and competence, but many men end up “getting serious” with the ones who are just a bit needier. (Except for men who really just want a mommy to handle all the grown up stuff in their lives so they can remain virtual teenagers), a man likes that manly feeling of being stronger than the more vulnerable, pliable female. Sure, I can replace a light fixture without his help — and men who don’t want to be bothered with such pesky tasks appreciate that — but I can also oooh and ahhh at how well a man replaces it FOR me, then reward him accordingly. The older gentlemen seem to love that.

kimmie

October 18th, 2011
9:47 am

Morning All!

I agree with Tyler, PJ, Jeff & Di. Confidence has nothing to do with boasting and bragging. That, my friends, is insecurity, trying to keep up with the Jones,low self-steem, whatever you want to call it.

Yes, it is possible to be confident and popular and well-liked and accomplished and humble at the same time. These people are definitely fun at parties without being obnoxious.

Sometimes people are intimidated by confidence in others and deem those people unapproachable. That is on them and is an issue they have with themselves. Don’t hate on the confident person, take some pointers.

It’s wonderful to be in the presence of confident people. Whether they are a CEO or a janitor, they say to the world “I’m me and that’s enough.”

hazel

October 18th, 2011
9:47 am

@ HST – Yes, I think that just like beauty being universal, a true gentleme or lady can be found everywhere too. Just gotta have that eye for it and look in the right place.

Mike P

October 18th, 2011
9:51 am

Confidence in a woman = awesome
woman bragging her accomplishments = not cool

Confidence = positive, attractive attitude
arrogance = weak, insecurity attitude.

Confidence is an attitude not an action.
Bragging is a “look at me, gimme credit” action.

There are indeed lots of women who are accomplished, not knocking that. It’s all the arrogant braggarts (women) who pretends to be the “successful, confident” woman that I couldn’t care less about.
Now, gimme a “REAL” confident women, that would be awesome.

kimmie

October 18th, 2011
9:53 am

Hey Purple & Dreams & Kym!

Somehow, I can’t see any of you with a person that was not confident!

ga mom

October 18th, 2011
9:53 am

confidence is not about $ or degrees. It is state of mind, great attitude..very attrictive. Arragance is most unattractive. Insecure people feel the need to brag or put others down.

Purple Reign

October 18th, 2011
9:54 am

Better to have a confident woman than a lost one who will fall for anyone or anything

Randyt (aka...Been There, Done That, Have a Closet Full of T-Shirts)

October 18th, 2011
9:55 am

I’m not sure where I land on this. The hard part is whre the line is crossed. If a woman comes across as “I am woman, hear me roar”, and shows no vulnerability, then I have to ask what can I add to this woman’s life that she does not already have. At the same time, a clinging vine weepy azz woman drives me up the wall.

Bottom line is I like smart, relatively successful, but not afraid to be vulnerable and a woman at times (like when we are alone together). Sounds like a contradiction I guess.

melvinowens

October 18th, 2011
9:55 am

when a person has to talk about their degree’s, i think that is bragging. my late uncle had a phd., and i never heard him mention it. i found out about the ph.d after he passed. there is something called class that i believe is lacking in today’s society

kimmie

October 18th, 2011
9:55 am

Purple – How is Jules doing? Do you know the gender yet?

HST

October 18th, 2011
9:56 am

hazel & Stella, It’s all about who we surround ourselves with. I made a post earlier about this…it’s important to realize the ramifications of who we surround ourselves with. We can all have our own goals, priorities and values but if we want something specific we must surround ourselves with like minded individuals.

MsMarriedUp

October 18th, 2011
9:57 am

I have to agree with any and all who understand that you don’t “try to appear confident.”

You either are confident or you aren’t.

And shallowness, i.e., talking about what you have, how good you look, who you know, who’s less than you, etc. so forth and so on, is not confidence. Just bragging rights in which the truly confident won’t be phase nay na nor, one way or the other hearing.

And oh! Real men LOVE real confidence.

Randyt (aka...Been There, Done That, Have a Closet Full of T-Shirts)

October 18th, 2011
9:58 am

There is another element that probably should be introduced here. Woman are attracted to and sense confidance and will note it first and immediately in a man. A man can smell vulnerability in a woman like a shark smells blood in the water. Maybe some offshoot of pheramones or something.