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Can you tell when she likes you?

I have a friend that is completely oblivious when a woman is flirting with him. He is super smart in his work life but when it comes to things like body language, wooing techniques, etc, he just doesn’t recognize the signs that women send his way.

I have literally had to point it out to him and let him know that “friends” don’t really cook for friends three times a week. Women also don’t volunteer to pet sit or do random domestic duties for guys unless they are investing in them. Basically, if a woman is consistently putting time, effort, and money in a man, she wants a relationship with him.

I understand the concept of mixed signals and coded behavior but women who are truly interested won’t hide behind those tactics, do they? Guys can you tell when a woman really likes you?

Ladies, how do you show men you are interested in them as a potential partner (as opposed to a buddy, friend, pal, sponsor etc..) or mate?

Do you ever have a hard time figuring out if someone likes you as more than a friend?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

300 comments Add your comment

CmonSeriously

October 13th, 2011
7:40 am

Simple answer, NO, I can not tell.

Randyt (aka...Been There, Done That, Have a Closet Full of T-Shirts)

October 13th, 2011
7:46 am

My answer to this quandary might sound a little too much like Exiled/MEEEELLLOOOWWW, so I think i willstay on the sidelines.

I do know that a lot of women miss the signs especially when the male is significantly younger. If a MILF gets hit on by a younger man that is closer in age to her children, she often has no clue.

Speaking of that, hey LEGGS, whatever happened to the boy toy?

Randyt (aka...Been There, Done That, Have a Closet Full of T-Shirts)

October 13th, 2011
8:02 am

The problem with this “dilemma” is that if the lady isn’t really interested, then the guy (read Randyt) makes a complete azz of himself and screws up the friendship. Have several of those t-shirts.

Men just aren’t that smart. They look for logic where logic doesn’t exist. That’s why women have the upper hand, because they understand men much better than men understand them (okay except ofr what they used to term on the blog, the “chicken heads”…we get them).

CmonSeriously

October 13th, 2011
8:11 am

That is where liquid courage comes into play, if it is a friend, you can blame it on the booze if you get turned down as long as you do it in a somewhat respectful manner.

CmonSeriously

October 13th, 2011
8:13 am

As for the men aren’t that smart, very true, all you need to know about a man to understand how he thinks is A + B = C

JustMe, Slim

October 13th, 2011
8:24 am

Good morning,

For the most part, I can tell when a guy is interested. As far as interested on whatever level, that takes a little longer to figure out because sometimes dudes will use the, trying to be friends deal to get in on the sneak tip…get your guard down and before you know it you’re wondering to yourself, like dang, I think i may like this cat.

mark

October 13th, 2011
8:41 am

short of her writing HEY do you LIKE me on asheet of paper. no i cant tell:(

Tired Out

October 13th, 2011
8:47 am

I have to agree, women have become masters of mixed signalling. You think they’re giving you the signals to move, and when you move they get upset, but then when they don’t give signals at all (at least that I can detect) they wonder why you don’t do anything. Just be forward with us and we’ll be forward with you. The games were fun in high school, but last I checked most of us are adults now, it’s time for different games…if you know what I mean.

LeeH1

October 13th, 2011
8:48 am

Women hide behind different coded messages that other people (like men) don’t get. Surprise! Men are not mind readers!

And if women can’t be up front and honest with her man, then she is not really all that interested in him.

Deer leave signs that deer hunters follow. However, deer often try to hide their trail. Women who leave signs instead of honest communication often end up in the same situation- they have left signs behind to be followed, then muddied their trail to confuse the hunter.

CoolShadow

October 13th, 2011
8:55 am

Sometimes you can tell when a woman is interested and sometimes not. It seems as if all women think their hints of interest are clear and universal, but they’re not. Some do more projecting than actual exhibiting hints (i.e., expect men to be mind readers) and some men will pick up on them, some will miss the hints. For the men that miss the hints, women will then assume he’s not interested (and maybe they’re right) and move on.

I’ve been in scenarios when I thought I was vibing with someone and reading their signals clearly and when I tried to progress things, I got pushback. I think in those cases I was a test subject to determine if they still had it to draw men to them. Conversely, there’s been situations when I’ve been around women who I thought acted cool towards me or as if I wasn’t there, and got notice later that they were interested. Really?

Lucinda

October 13th, 2011
9:06 am

So men, what SHOULD a woman do to let you know she is interested?? What’s an unmistakable sign, short of anything physical?

CmonSeriously

October 13th, 2011
9:08 am

Say “hey you seem pretty fillintheblank I like you, can we go somewhere and fillintheblank”

Lucinda

October 13th, 2011
9:10 am

@Cmon

Perfect!
I had a guy once tell me that he wasn’t sure I liked him until one day I said “I think you’re interesting. I like you.” Guess THAT made it clear :)

CmonSeriously

October 13th, 2011
9:11 am

Any woman that thinks every guy understands the “come hither” look, is wrong!!! We can’t tell the difference most of the time, we look at you giving us a look and say to ourselves “hey she is looking at me”

Southern Boy Who Needs Advice

October 13th, 2011
9:12 am

LADIES, PLEASE HELP!

There is female coworker who I have given automotive maintenance advice to i the past and who occasionally tells me I am a “nice guy.”

Yesterday, as I was walking by her desk she got up and showed off an automotive gift card book that she had just purchased for herself at a very deep discount from a vendor who came by our office.

While standing & looking at the book she handed me, she stood up to point out some of the deals in the booklet.

During the time she was standing (very closely) next to me to point out the deals, her breasts were touching (even not-so-gently pressing against) my right arm. This suddenly made it very hard (no pun intended) for me to concentrate on the booklet, as both my heart & mind started racing with thoughts over what this meant, whether this was revealing body language or completely innocent on her part.

She is rather intellectual, ladylike, of Hispanic descent and not outwardly erotic/sexual by any means. Wearing glasses only until a summertime switch to contacts, she is quite beautiful but never gives any indication that she realizes it.

Ladies, do you think this was completely innocent on her part, something that ladies of her ethnicity and culture might not even give a second thought about doing or that she was subconsciously (maybe consciously) trying to show that she liked me and felt safe next to me?

As my grandmother tried to raise me to be a Southern Gentleman, and I do NOT need to get a call from Human Resources for making a wrong interpretation and possibly offending a female coworker, I don’t know how to react (especially IN CASE something similar happens again).

Thanks.

CmonSeriously

October 13th, 2011
9:12 am

Bravo Lucinda, most girls won’t do that.

CmonSeriously

October 13th, 2011
9:16 am

Not at work dude, no exceptions, if it ends, it will ruin both of your jobs.

Mike

October 13th, 2011
9:19 am

Mixed signals are the name of the game. My opinion is that most women, especially in a bar scene, get off on the attention more than they’re actually looking for a companion at any given time. What I mean is, a women would rather get hit on by 10 guys and take one home at the end of the night as opposed to speaking to one or two guys and choosing one of them.
The mixed signals allow her to draw out potential suitors to judge while keeping enough uncertainty that she can move on to the next beau. Women are greedy in “love,” as are men.

Married Guy

October 13th, 2011
9:20 am

Hi Lucinda, and other ladies asking the same question. Most guys don’t pick up on hints you think are obvious. If a guy’s good at reading your signals, he’s had a lot of practice hooking up, and you’re next. If you’re interested in us, try being INTERESTING. Linger and talk to us, ask us a question or two that shows you want a conversation. Worse case, ask us out. I met a girl at work who asked me to help her with something and bought me a cup of coffee as a Thank You. We’ve been married for 25 years.

michael

October 13th, 2011
9:23 am

If the two has never met then eye contact or body language is the first sign.After the initial contact,conversing is the next sign.Finally, just be honest with each other.If you are interest in that person let that person know don’t hint.

Lucinda

October 13th, 2011
9:24 am

@Southern Boy

Cmon is right. Don’t date co-workers, unless you’re ready to be fired.

If she’s pressing her breasts on you, she likes you. No woman does that accidentally, and if there were an accidental brush, she would pull right away. We know where our breasts are! It has nothing to do with ethnicity or culture, but it’s cool that you’re considering that as a factor, since ethnicity and culture are different among various people.

But like Cmon said, don’t date coworkers. Recipe for disaster.

Optimus Prime

October 13th, 2011
9:24 am

I had a pretty good idea that she liked me when she grabbed my hand after dinner and we were walking to the car. Then when we had wine and conversation, she leaned in to hug me. Then she asked me to stay over, but not to expect “anything”, I could tell we were vibbing. The next morning, still no sex, but we engaged in everything else. I think she likes me a LOT. Then she asked me to come over again the next night and she unleashed a predetory attack on me that lasted well into the night. She DEFINATELY likes me. The next morning she told me that at first, she didn’t think it was going to “fit in there”. OK, now I DEFINATELY like HER!

disco

October 13th, 2011
9:25 am

good morning guys. I can’t comment much on how well men pick up on signals from females but I will say that I subscribe to the theory of “a closed mouth doesn’t get fed”. open your mouth and express yourself, ask for what you want, tell me what you need, let me know how I can help you. I cannot stand when grown men send in reinforcements to make their pitch for them. once I literally sat next to a guy for hours at a friend’s birthday celebration in a restaurant only to have her call me the following week to tell me that he had expressed interest in me and wanted to know if he could have my number. I’m like he sat next to me all night but sends a message through you – please – tell him I’m not interested and also explain to him why I’m not interested. one of my girlfriends is quick to defend them announcing that perhaps they are shy but I feel like shy is for kids. if you can’t man up and go for yours by the time you are old enough to date me then shame on you.

JustMe, Slim

October 13th, 2011
9:25 am

We are always talking about what sex does then the other sex. Basically, both sexes are capable and have histories of doing some of the same things…whether or not one is exposed as much as the other is pointless. Why is it so freaking hard to simply date these days. It’s quite frustrating and as-i-nine to say the least. Let’s just stop getting in our OWN ways and keep it dayum simple. Sheesh!!!!

Randyt (aka...Been There, Done That, Have a Closet Full of T-Shirts)

October 13th, 2011
9:30 am

So Optimus Prime, then I take you follow the old adage, “when in doubt, whip it out”. LOL

Randyt (aka...Been There, Done That, Have a Closet Full of T-Shirts)

October 13th, 2011
9:33 am

On the blog in the past, there have been many who supported and encouraged the idea of dating co-workers. I 100% cosign CMON…it is almost never a good idea to fish off the company pier. I have to admit though, several years ago someone on here had the gonads to start dating the HR Manager. More ballsy than I am, so I tip my hat.

Optimus Prime

October 13th, 2011
9:35 am

LOL@Randy. Her professional and conservative attire (she’s the VP at a high profile media station) did not bear any resemblance to her enthusiasm for “the dance”. We have now been dating for two months and she’s had two UTI’s since then from the frequency…lol. The woman is simply relentless…not that I’m complaining…lol

Randyt (aka...Been There, Done That, Have a Closet Full of T-Shirts)

October 13th, 2011
9:37 am

Another reason that men have a hard time reading the signals is that they have a bad habit of staring at the breasts rather than the eyes and miss the “look” ;-) I may have been guilty of this myself…maybe.

Guy 101

October 13th, 2011
9:37 am

I think most of the time that when a guy puts time into a girl, he is truly interested. I dont mean hooking up at the bar, I mean asking a girl out, making plans, etc… So with guys it is pretty easy to see when they have interest – they call, text, make plans. If a guy is not doing this, then the lady friend is just a hoop-up.
With women, it is much more difficult to tell (at least for me). I wish women would be more up-front. Ladies, honesty is the best policy. If you are digging us, let us know (we don’t get it); if you are not, that’s fine too – you cant get mad or upset over someones true feelings. Sometimes that’s just the way it goes…

Kym

October 13th, 2011
9:38 am

Good Morning Sunshines..

While I am pretty quick on the up take on alot of things. My friends can testify that I have not the least clue when a man is interested in me. Example, this summer I was having dinner with a friend and I got up to go get something from the counter. Guy at the next table ask my friend who was I waiting on… my boyfriend..she said no..then he asked her what was I upset about? Apparently according to her I looked like I was frowning..(I bet I was customer service at this BBQ place was horrible) When I return to the table, the fellow struck up a conversation with me about the local news and other current events. He then said good evening and walked out. We got up to leave and then stood outside talking and sure enough..the fellow rode up and said something else to me..about a business he was starting up..again I talked and he drove off. My friend had a hissy fit. She swears the man was throwing off hints. I felt like well why didn’t he just say so? If you like me just say so…

Kat

October 13th, 2011
9:46 am

@disco. Awww – give the guy a chance. Nothing wrong with being “shy.” He might think you are out of his league, which could mean he has low self-esteem or you have a very strong personality. Give him a chance; he could be the one for you!

Optimus Prime

October 13th, 2011
9:46 am

I agree. At the very least ACT interesting or interested. I always try to read signals, tone of voice, things she says. But if she’s just monotone and keeps a certain amount of space between us, I’m betting the house that she’s not interested (or interesting). But then I get “I didn’t want to come on too strong.” How about just acting like you have a pulse? The more engaging women tend to get engaged more frequently. It’s like tasting food. If the first bite doesn’t suit your tatse buds, it’s a pretty safe bet that you won’t be sampling any more of the dish.

Kat

October 13th, 2011
9:48 am

Randyt: Consider changing your screen name (t-shirts, etc). It’s too long and outdated. Shows your (presumed) age and is not humorous.

Sassy Me..Sun Kissed ;-)

October 13th, 2011
9:50 am

If you like me just say so…

Exactly Kim…short,sweet and to the point. Sometimes things get lost in translation for some folk.

Leggs

October 13th, 2011
9:51 am

Good morning.

Oh boy, first thing I thought of the gazillion times the men would say they are clueless when a woman is liking/flirting. Perhaps moreso on the flirting part.

Celisea

October 13th, 2011
9:54 am

Morning lovelies,

Just go for it. I have to agree, not sure I get or understand men saying “they can’t tell”, even so, if YOU’RE INTERESTED….simply ask. It can only go one of two way….hit or miss.

markie mark

October 13th, 2011
9:58 am

I like the comments here today….most of them are sensible and respectful. Women, this is not 1965…if you like a man, ask them out in whatever way you are comfortable with, but let them know. “Would you like to go to a movie/concert/etc sometime?” is a fair example. Inviting someone new to dinner may be slightly too forward, because you are not meeting on neutral ground. But we really are NOT good at subtlety, and all to often dont get or dont trust the hints/gazes/etc. I will bet EVERY man on this blog at some time followed their instinct and what they thought was happening, and ended up feeling like a complete fool.

JustMe, Slim

October 13th, 2011
9:59 am

If you like me just say so

Aaaaaaaaamen!

disco

October 13th, 2011
10:04 am

@ kat – that argument has been made repeatedly by my circle of friends but I just don’t have it in me. I need a man who will step up and speak up for what he wants (whether it’s me or something out of life in general). we laughed, talked, shared appetizers but he couldn’t speak his piece. not the man for me.

Pinky

October 13th, 2011
10:05 am

Markie Mark

Co-sign on that 9;58 post…

Leggs

October 13th, 2011
10:06 am

Ladies, how do you show men you are interested in them as a potential partner (as opposed to a buddy, friend, pal, sponsor etc..) or mate? After conversing, one would be clear in knowing I’m not in the market for a buddy, a sponsor. I have no intention of being anyone’s jumpoff and I;m not interested in “cuffing.”

I pretty much know when someone is interested in me.

@Randyt ~ it is absolutely amazing how when you ask about “boy toy” he would have called me within the same week of you asking. Are you prompting him to call me at those times (J/K). He seems to be well and is making sure he stays in contact (LOL). Heck, perhaps he feels he may give me one of those calls and I’ll be at my weakest. :lol: :lol: :lol:

“I’ve been in scenarios when I thought I was vibing with someone and reading their signals clearly and when I tried to progress things, I got pushback.” – CShadow. I can identify. There this guys who says he’s interested in me but rarely ever calls (not referring to the guy who didn’t want to ruin my life guys). I mean what’s up with that?

Pinky

October 13th, 2011
10:08 am

Easiest Way to read women…Spend A lot of money on them and Cook Grilled Lobster Tail dinners for her and see where it leads you…Then you can really tell how naive men are about women when they still don’t get the affection for the Chick he has done this for numerous times…Women are sooooo shallow

Kym

October 13th, 2011
10:08 am

@disco I am with you. Why wait a week later to say something? He was chatting you up all night why not go ahead and ask you out?

Professor

October 13th, 2011
10:09 am

Hello all,

Don’t hold back. Go for what you’re interested in.

Cosign disco.

Talk to you soon!

Pinky

October 13th, 2011
10:10 am

I gotta Co-Sign on the poster who said earlier that women get off at the bar seen talking and flirting with dozens of dudes just for the attention…I been through that route in college…It usually leads to dudes fighting over her…I stay away from that Reality Drama…

Leggs

October 13th, 2011
10:10 am

I feel the same way, disco. Hunt me, I don’t want to hunt you!

Exiled!

October 13th, 2011
10:10 am

Cracking up Big Time!

I will Lurk and read along!

good morning.

Pinky

October 13th, 2011
10:10 am

“And I Ain’t Playin ____!!!!”

Exiled!

October 13th, 2011
10:11 am

Professor

October 13th, 2011
10:12 am

What it do Exiled