accessAtlanta

City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP
City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP

Do you believe in monogamy?

Imagine being in a relationship with someone for months only to discover they don’t believe in monogamy. Now, everyone does not have the same exact views on commitment and marriage, of course. However, it’s at least good to have a clear understanding of what you think about love and commitment.

A friend went on a date with a woman who said that she does not believe that men and women should be monogamous. He believes the exact opposite, but he doesn’t think they should stop seeing each other. Do you think it could work when two people view something this important so differently?

Do you believe in monogamy? Why or why not? Would you date someone who did or didn’t?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

485 comments Add your comment

Figment

October 12th, 2011
8:33 am

Good morning everyone.

Yes, I believe in monogamy. Yes, my partner must also believe in monogamy. I will not date a person that is not monogamous. It’s one of the first things I would ask when I was interested in dating someone. I do not share the person I am with and I do not want them to be open to sharing me or themselves with others. I would not be able to build a serious long term relationship with someone who was not monogamous.

While I think people who have different views (one being monogamous, the other not) could date for a while, I don’t think in the long term it would work out because they have 2 different goals for their relationship.

CmonSeriously

October 12th, 2011
8:33 am

Do I believe in it, yes, can relationships work with one person being monagamous and the other not, no. Can it work with both being non monagamous, yes, mostly depending on the man’s game. I have said it before and it still holds true, if a woman wants to get laid she can go to any bar and find a willing guy for sex only. For a guy it is completely different, so if the guy can pick up girls very easily it can work, if he can’t it’s bound for destruction of the relationship. I am a guy and I know guys are pigs for the most part and they will take a girl home if they can, married or not. I don’t believe in cheating or being the other guy, so I will turn someone down if they are in any relationship.

Sweet Pea

October 12th, 2011
8:46 am

Good Morning,

Do you believe in monogamy? Why or why not? Would you date someone who did or didn’t?

Yes, I believe in monogamy and wouldn’t have it any other way. I am selfish like that besides there is really no commitment when you are philandering all over the place. Some may be good at juggling many, however it will eventually catch up with you.

I wouldn’t dare to date someone that has a different view as mine because it wouldn’t work, and if you think you can convert me to your views then you’re only fooling yourself. There’s no need to get emotionally connected and then you already know going in how a person feels about something to end up getting hurt. There’s no one to blame but yourself.

Ron Burgundy

October 12th, 2011
8:47 am

I beleive the children are the future….and I….Ron Burundy…..beleive in monogamy! Of course if a better version comes along I say end one monogamous relation and start another….there may be a little ploygamy in between but for the most part monogamy all the way!

Ron Burgundy

October 12th, 2011
8:48 am

I would date a polygamist ONLY if she was interested in girls only! I draw the line and keep my values outside of that!

MzNewy

October 12th, 2011
8:49 am

I believe in monogomy. A relationship can not work when the parties are not on the same page. You can’t make someone change his/her mind about being monagamous so if that is what you want and he/she does not…keep it moving. If not, you already know he/she is going to cheat because in their mind, they already told you they are not committed to being with you only.

Kym

October 12th, 2011
9:03 am

Good Morning All,

I am gonna reserve my comments until later…

Leggs

October 12th, 2011
9:08 am

Good morning.

I believe in monogamy and wouldn’t date anyone who didn’t share the same view. I can share his presence with other women, but not his body. Heck no!

“…but he doesn’t think they should stop seeing each other.” Right there is a prime example of a person not hearing what a person is saying. His loins are probably directing him. When a person talks, believe what they are saying. He’s walking down the path of hurt and mistrust.

Michael P.

October 12th, 2011
9:23 am

Monogomy…yes, absolutely! It would be different if you were just ‘dating’, and you made it clear up-front that you haven’t committed to anyone…yet. But if you truly view monogomy as something you do not support, you should make it very clear up-front, and thereby not get someones hopes up. If, at this point, they choose to continue to date you, they can’t say they didn’t know if they find you with someone else. It is, to me, a simple matter of respect.
And no, I certainly wouldn’t date a women in the long-tern if I knew she didn’t believe in monogomy. It’s bad enough to consider that it is now almost necessary to have a STD screening before you sleep with someone anymore, and much less so when you think that the person you are dating may be out sleeping with other individuals, and then bringing back to you whatever it is that they may have.Surprise!! You now have AIDS! Even just crab lice is a pain in the butt! Well, okay…not actually in the butt, but you know what I mean.

Randyt (aka...Been There, Done That, Have a Closet Full of T-Shirts)

October 12th, 2011
9:24 am

Figment already said it all.

To me if it is not monogamous, it isn’t, by my definition, a relationship.

Exiled!

October 12th, 2011
9:24 am

Good morning!

YES!!

I believe in Her monogamy!

Have a nice day!

hazel

October 12th, 2011
9:26 am

Of course, Monogamy is the right path to a great relationship. This shoud be made very clear in this day and age where everyone is just trying to be a freak at every level.
Someone who believes in polygamy would totally fall into the “something’s wrong with me” category. The show on TLC, (I forgot the name) about one man marryin these sisters, totally freaks me out!

I cannot imagine sharing my love with 5 other women. no maam. This would show that he does not love me. If you love someone, you do not want to share them with anyone

Button

October 12th, 2011
9:27 am

Good morning, I belive in monogamy and no, I would not date a man who believes otherwise.

Do you think it could work when two people view something this important so differently? I’m going to go out on a limb and say that anything can work if honesty and respect is involved. Wise, I give your friend’s date props for being honest about her view on the subject, that should account for something. One question, is her view exclusive to dating for does she feel the same way about marriage also? If it’s just toward dating then I can understand because you’re actually single until married and depending on your mind frame you can be with whomever you want to be with. JMO

Randyt (aka...Been There, Done That, Have a Closet Full of T-Shirts)

October 12th, 2011
9:27 am

It seems to me that if one is monogamous and one isn’t, then all you have is a “rotation” or “booty call” arrangement. Not a relationship at all. But then I have never been particularly excited about sharing my toys.

Celisea

October 12th, 2011
9:28 am

Morning lovelies

Absolutely….wouldn’t have it any other way. Hey, I’m selfish like that :)

I’m going to borrow Randyt’s 9:24.

Laura

October 12th, 2011
9:29 am

No way it can work if they have different ideas on monogamy. I believe in monogamy and one of the first things I’ll tell someone I’m dating “I don’t share and I don’t compete.” I believe that if you are with me, you are with me whole-heartedly, good and bad. And I just don’t believe you can give yourself wholly to someone if you are giving part of yourself to someone else in such in intimate fashion.

hazel

October 12th, 2011
9:30 am

@ Ron Burgundy – geez.. you think like a MAN! lol.. at your 8:48am comment.

Bob

October 12th, 2011
9:31 am

I am a strong believer in monogamy and would not date someone that did not believe the same. Long term relationships are tough enough without adding a third (or more) to the equation. I will not work!

Ron Burgundy

October 12th, 2011
9:34 am

Hazel….a man has to have values and borders and some borders I DO NOT CROSS!

CmonSeriously

October 12th, 2011
9:35 am

Hazel- I have run into so many women, one of which refused to break up with her man until she found someone else, not a man or woman thing.

Leggs

October 12th, 2011
9:36 am

O/T: Here’s your morning funny. I pulled into my parking space and proceeded to get out of the car. When I stepped out and stood, my skirt was on the floor. The freaking elastic broke. Boy, I don’t think I’ve ever scrambled so fast to retrieve a garment. To top things off, I didn’t wear a slip because the skirt has one sewn in already. I am in hysterics. I haven’t laughed that hard in days. I laughed all the way from the parking deck into the bldg. You should have seen the sight of me gripping my skirt so I don’t show my arse to folk. Thankfully, the receptionist cut a slit into the waistband, grabbed one end the elastic and clipped it with a safety pin then slit the other side and grabbed the other elastic. Now the dang skirt is tight around my waist. But, it’s gonna stay on my body! :lol: :lol:

This would have been a great piece for America’s Funniest Videos. Whew, I’m still laughing…hmmm, perhaps I can get the footage from our security cameras (lol).

Randyt (aka...Been There, Done That, Have a Closet Full of T-Shirts)

October 12th, 2011
9:37 am

Taking this even further, I characterize monogmay as more than just not having sex with someone else. Dating is dating, and if someone says he/she goes out but doesn’t have “relations” with others is still not monogamous in my book.

Intimacy is more than just sex and if one is intimate with a member of the opposite sex in phone conversations even, then that crosses an imaginary line in my mind frankly.

abc

October 12th, 2011
9:38 am

A friend went on a date with a woman who said that she does not believe that men and women should be monogamous. He believes the exact opposite, but he doesn’t think they should stop seeing each other. Do you think it could work when two people view something this important so differently?

Uh, no, it obviously can’t work out between them. I mean, really, seriously, there’s any doubt about that?

The Bible is quite clear about monogamy, it’s all over the New Testament. Look it up.

CmonSeriously

October 12th, 2011
9:39 am

Hazel- It’s a selfish person thing, not typical to either sex. The people that won’t break up with a person and are still looking for other people and getting together with those other people looking for a committed relationship, are immoral people, beware there are a lot of them out there.

Button

October 12th, 2011
9:39 am

You can’t expect to have a monogamous relationship off the bat upon meeting someone new, that’s something that has to be discussed and AGREED upon. I wouldn’t expect a new guy to dump all his other dates just for me until we both agree that we’re going to be exclusive and that’s probably what your friend’s date was referring to Wise.

kimmie

October 12th, 2011
9:41 am

Morning All! At home again today. Gotta handle some personal bizness!

Well, my husband and I are not swingers, so yes we both believe in monogamy.

I guess, given the example in this topic, it’s another one of those questions you have to ask before dating someone. I thought it would be covered by talking about long-term goals, such as expressing an interest in building a serious relationship that leads to marriage. Or if you don’t want marriage, say that. If you’d just like to date around, express that too.

Whatever floats your boat. It’s someone out there for you, I believe. But please don’t play the victim when down the road, your plan to change that person’s mind to your way of thinking does not work. And don’t blame the entire gender when you can’t find anyone that thinks the way you do. You know the old “women/men don’t want anyone “nice” like me”! And don’t put others down and call them close-minded or rigid because they don’t want to go along with your program.

CmonSeriously

October 12th, 2011
9:42 am

That brings up another good topic though, what would you consider cheating?

Ron Burgundy

October 12th, 2011
9:45 am

Cmon….its not cheating if you are in a different state, pay for it, wear a condom OR go backdoor.

kimmie

October 12th, 2011
9:47 am

I have a problem with those that believe in monogamy calling themselves selfish. What’s that all about? Selfish to me is wanting to have your cake and eat it too. Be out there doing what you want with others but expecting your mate to be faithful.

If you believe in monogomy and your mate does too and you’ve agreed to be exclusive, what is selfish about that? :shock:

RJ's Wife aka QC

October 12th, 2011
9:47 am

Good Morning all – have a great day :-)

Exiled!

October 12th, 2011
9:47 am

Polygamy is all over the Old Testament.

The new testament Does not trump the Old

kimmie

October 12th, 2011
9:49 am

Leggs – That is hilarious!!!

Exiled!

October 12th, 2011
9:49 am

‘You can’t expect to have a monogamous relationship off the bat upon meeting someone new,….discussed and Agreed upon’

I like that Button!

:lol:

hazel

October 12th, 2011
9:50 am

@Cmon Seriously – I agree. They do that because they don’t want to be alone, and that too at someone else’s expense. Which is totally wrong. But I was referring to @Ron Burgundy’s comment of saying ” if she dated other girls..he would be ok”.. I just thought it was funny. I think he was joking though.
But yah… guess… now a days, even women would be interested in monogamy as well. But i think more men are like that then women.

Randyt (aka...Been There, Done That, Have a Closet Full of T-Shirts)

October 12th, 2011
9:51 am

Quote from “Bull Durham” that kind of sums up what I think about dating versus monogamous relationships…

Annie Savoy: These are the ground rules. I hook up with one guy a season. Usually takes me a couple weeks to pick the guy – kinda my own spring training. And, well, you two are the most promising prospects of the season so far, so I just thought we should kinda get to know each other.
Crash Davis: Time out. Why do you get to choose?
Annie Savoy: What?
Crash Davis: Why do you get to choose? I mean, why don’t I get to choose, why doesn’t he get to choose?
Annie Savoy: Well, actually, nobody on this planet ever really chooses each other.
Ebby Calvin LaLoosh: So is somebody going to go to bed with somebody or what?
[to Crash as he stands up]
Annie Savoy: Oh, where are you going?
Crash Davis: After 12 years in the minor leagues, I don’t try out.

That is my feeling…after X number of years in this game, I DON’T TRY OUT.

Jesse Jackson

October 12th, 2011
9:51 am

Only preachers can sleep around cause they do the Lords work.

Button

October 12th, 2011
9:52 am

abc, I think when the Bible talks about monogamy it’s referring to marriage. We want the benefits of marriage when dating/relationshiping.

kimmie

October 12th, 2011
9:54 am

Button – I took Wises’s friend as going beyond the just meeting someone & haven’t had the exclusive talk yet. I take it to mean she does not believe in the practice of monogamy and prefers having maybe an open relationship and open marriage later down the line. That is certainly something you let someone know up front. So if you do continue seeing each other, don’t expect them to stop seeing others down the road. You will never be exclusive.

Leggs

October 12th, 2011
9:55 am

@Randyt ~ I wholeheartedly agree with your 9:37!!!

CmonSeriously

October 12th, 2011
9:56 am

This came up for me a while ago, a girl I was with got drunk and would make out with a lot of people, on the second occasion of this happening I broke it off. It should have been the first, she had the mindset of “I was drunk, so I should automatically be forgiven” what a bad choice….. I do consider that cheating.

Celisea

October 12th, 2011
9:57 am

DO NOT, I REPEAT DO NOT FEED THE ANIMALS!!

Button

October 12th, 2011
9:58 am

Kimmie there’s too much information left out for me to come to a conclusion of what the date meant.

Celisea

October 12th, 2011
9:58 am

abc, I think when the Bible talks about monogamy it’s referring to marriage. We want the benefits of marriage when dating/relationshiping.

Shouldn’t that be where it’s headed??? I’m not talking rotation and FWBs.

Celisea

October 12th, 2011
10:00 am

Cmon Seriously – Your 9:56….bummer. I think alcholism was the bigger issue.

czBrat

October 12th, 2011
10:02 am

chick is saying she doesn’t believe men and women should be monogamous. is it possible she’s had so many relationships where dudes cheated that she’s given up expectation of anything more? i think if that’s the case, she probably WANTS a monogamous relationship but doesn’t believe it will ever happen.

i guess WD’s buddy would have to get to know her better to determine if she’s just love worn and jaded. could be she’s perfectly capable of being faithful and would really like to find a man who believes in being faithful as well.

HiYas!

Celisea

October 12th, 2011
10:02 am

I was quoting Button in my 9:58…I’m agreeing with abc

Ron Burgundy

October 12th, 2011
10:02 am

Its very selfish for a woman not to want to share me…that is why I only date polygamist or monogamist who are obtuse.

Button

October 12th, 2011
10:04 am

@celisea dating and relationships should lead up (getting things in order) to the recieving the benefits not getting it first hand JMO.

kimmie

October 12th, 2011
10:04 am

Button – I guess I’m thinking if monogomy is the topic and she’s saying she does not believe men & women should be monogomous, it’s going beyond just “hey we haven’t had the exclusive convo yet”. If that’s the case, there really is nothing to talk about and Wise gave a bad example for the topic.

abc

October 12th, 2011
10:05 am

Au contraire, Exiled, the New Testament certainly does trump the Old, unless you’re Jewish.