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Dating in the digital age

I was having dinner with my BFFs this weekend and a couple of guys approached our table. We struck up a friendly conversation and someone brought up Facebook. One of the guys said he did NOT Facebook/Tweet, etc. and I seriously wanted to hug him. I don’t know, it just seemed so .. refreshing!

As much as I love social media and consider myself more of a digital girl than an analog one, I have to admit that dating in the digital age can pose a few challenges. It’s almost becomes a blessing and a curse at times. You can find a lot out, but should you do it in that way, without proper context?

I can definitely appreciate not hitting up Google, or Facebook “researching” or digging up details on someone before the first date. It’s a bad habit that I am happy to break.

A reader sent me a clip of VH1’s Tough Love Miami. This reality show features women who go to a “boot camp” with a “dating expert” to help correct their bad dating habits. The clip showed the women being confronted with all their poor choices in social media.

This made me think about the online narrative we set for ourselves when we put photos, Facebook statuses, or Twitter our thoughts for everyone to see (FYI The Library of Congress Archives Twitter).

The question then becomes what kind of image are you projecting? Would you actually say the same things you put on the web?

If someone were to flash a timeline of your digital past, would you be embarrassed? Proud? Humored?

Do you ever wonder if you have turned off a potential date/romance because of how you portray yourself through social media, text messages, etc.?

Have you ever find out something about a potential online and decided to take a pass on getting to know them further? What did you find that made you have second thoughts?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

283 comments Add your comment

Jeff

October 11th, 2011
7:05 am

It works out great for us men because it introduces us to a lot of women and helps us get to know them yet save the actual expense if paying for 2-4 dates worth of get-to-know-u-time.

GrandPa

October 11th, 2011
7:31 am

If facebook is ruining your life, dial 1-800-Log-off! Dayum Youggins

Ron Burgundy

October 11th, 2011
9:06 am

The “digital” age for me was in high school….HIIYOOOOO!

JustSlimMe

October 11th, 2011
9:11 am

Celisea...docile, softer, smoothing out the rough places

October 11th, 2011
9:15 am

Morning lovelies :)

Nothing to add. Not into Facebook, Twitter nor anything online…nothing virtual as it pertains to the opposite sex.

Be back later….shhhhhhhhhh

MsMarriedUp

October 11th, 2011
9:18 am

Good Morning! And excellent observations, WiseDiva!!! A while back I seriously frowned on the digital dating. (Not that I was dating;-) LOL, but heard talk about it. Maybe because I am old school, it turned me right off. I used to think, and to some degree still do think, if you can’t find a mate in your “analog” surroundings, something is seriously wrong.

But then friends started telling me… no, no… it’s just…and then listed the pros you’ve mentioned. I actually know of one online dating experience where the couple ended up marrying, and believe it or not but have been married almost 15 years now!!! Damn, time is flying.

At any rate, I think I’m with you on this one, or at least partially. There’s nothing wrong with the new social media of tweeting, blogging, and just rambling your business off; it just sucks all of the mystique and romance out of reason(s) behind ‘dating’ if someone spends time reading all that stuff to make a decision in as far as really getting to know the person. On the other hand, some do make out better online when a face-to-face might turn some away before they can get out a good hello.

Reio

October 11th, 2011
9:23 am

Same here, never looked into it. Was’nt around when I was dating. No matter what, though, you still have to meet and talk and go out together. Then and only then will you get to know someone. Can’t tell if they’re ‘crazy’ on facebook or twitter. But talk on the phone or have lunch, and the ‘crazy’ becomes obvious.

Button

October 11th, 2011
9:29 am

Good morning, I don’t FB, twitter or google and surprisinly I haven’t met a guy who does either. I don’t see anything wrong with it, it has it’s purpose whether it is good or bad. I can see how having those resources can cause a backlash in dating though, esp if you’re loose with the fingers/thoughts as it goes the same with potential employers, they too monitor those sites. So I guess if it works for employers to screen out the bad then dates should take heed and follow suit.

Optimus Prime

October 11th, 2011
9:34 am

I have used the internet dating sites in the past 10-15 years and I can tell you it was a BLAST. I mean off the hook! You save yourself the expense of the normal ‘getting to know what they like and don’t like” and then proceed from there. How many times have you been on a first or second date and suddenly thought “Well, there’s four hours and $125 I’ll never get back.” when if you could see that person describe themselves, you have a better feel for it. Of course, that’s if they are being truthful. There’s always that situation. I try to do a little of both. I can honestly say from personal experience, the ladies on the websites are either actually looking for a relationship or they are looking for some nookie. And they are serious about both searches.

Optimus Prime

October 11th, 2011
9:35 am

Incidently, I hate Twitter and not much into Facebook, but that’s just me. I have no interest in what you had for lunch nor telling you what I had for lunch.

MsMarriedUp

October 11th, 2011
9:46 am

…but that’s just it, although ‘online’ dating wouldn’t have appealed to me, but reading all this stuff we see online weeds out nothing, as employers…and daters…are surely experiencing. Just because someone is not writing it and flashing it, doesn’t gaurantee they are a suitable match.

That’s the real thing here… there are no short cuts, dating or otherwise.

Figment

October 11th, 2011
9:51 am

I met my guy thru an online dating site. I liked having the chance to chat a bit before actually meeting the person. I’m horribly shy in person and it helps me to get to know them a little before meeting. I use Facebook but I keep it very private so only my friends can see what I write, etc. My man doesn’t use Facebook at all and has no interest in it.

There are a lot of people on the online dating sites, you have to weed out all the guys looking for just a hookup but there are some good guys out there.

Leggs

October 11th, 2011
9:58 am

Good morning!

If someone were to flash a timeline of your digital past, would you be embarrassed? Not at all.

Proud? Yes, simply because I connect with people through telephone conversation, a little texting and actual face to face.

When it comes to FB, I don’t get how many posts what they’re doing throughout the entire day. Heck, if I really wanted to know I’ll become your roommate.

Humored? Yes, because many of my friends laugh at me because it’s rare for me to be on FB. I have never tweeted. It it wasn’t for another friend, I would probably still have that one lone picture up. :lol:

Celisea...docile, softer, smoothing out the rough places

October 11th, 2011
10:02 am

I have 3 different encounters where I’ve communicated to some extent prior to meeting the real person. How I came to communicate was not by way of internet or online dating. What I found was the inability to really connect and a smoke screen. I didn’t get a true sense of “wanting” to meet and go from there. All I got was either pictures sent (WHICH BY THE WAY ARE VERY MISLEADING), or asked repeatedly for body size, shape, color (complexion), etc., or a ton of stats and all the good good about themselves thrown my way.

Not interested. IMO, face to face allows the opportunity to either like the person on site and decide if you want to go further, or not.
Dating or communicating blind is no fun.

kimmie

October 11th, 2011
10:04 am

Good morning!

Celisea...docile, softer, smoothing out the rough places

October 11th, 2011
10:06 am

Celisea....quietly quiet

October 11th, 2011
10:08 am

Celisea....quietly making noise :)

October 11th, 2011
10:09 am

Enter your comments here

kimmie

October 11th, 2011
10:22 am

I think we’ve worn this topic out over the past year or so.

Celisea....quietly making noise :)

October 11th, 2011
10:24 am

Leggs

October 11th, 2011
10:27 am

Someone told me I was a very mean woman all because I asked questions and challenged the responses. Well, not really challenged but asked further questions depending on the answer. I thought this to be normal (LOLOL).

SexyCool

October 11th, 2011
10:32 am

IMO – the only difference between this blog and other social media sites such as FB and the like is that there is a measure of anonymity.

As an active FB’er, I use it as a way to keep up with my friends and associates and current events and other interests. A great deal of what I post is to encourage and entertain myself and others. TheDude and I did not date via social media and he’s not that crazy about the level to which I participate. He deactivated his page about six months after we met. But it is what it is. And such is life.

Next….

kimmie

October 11th, 2011
10:35 am

Leggs – I’ve been told the same thing – at one job I was even deemed “combative” and “confrontational” just because I asked questions about stuff that certain folks wanted to keep brushed under the rug! I was very professional, but you know a hit dog will holler!LOL!!

Don’t change. I certainly won’t!

Celisea....quietly making noise :)

October 11th, 2011
10:37 am

Actually SexyC I agree with you.

For me though as it relates to this site, this is more sor for entertainment and passing the day. Don’t get me wrong, there are some personalities here that I really like. It’s just that after I log off, that’s about it for me.

Due diligence…nothing wrong with it.

Celisea....quietly making noise :)

October 11th, 2011
10:40 am

Outside of this site, socially speaking, there aren’t any other sites I frequent. I have a FB page but it’s blank as ever. Had a friend in Cali that wanted to connect. I initially did it and took it down. Then I had a friend that she saw me on a video on FB but couldn’t forward the link. So, I created another page to see the link. Outside of browser every 3 or 4 months in just being nosey, not too many more reasons for me to access. Most of my friends have pages but don’t know that I do…tee hee hee. I have an anonymous name. I mentioned before I have a cousin in DC that sent me a text because he couldn’t “locate” me….LOL

MrsNewy

October 11th, 2011
10:41 am

Hi All! Nothing to add to the topic.

Not embarrassed by my FB comments etc because it’s usually promo info for play or something that I’m in.

Have a great day everyone.

Leggs

October 11th, 2011
10:43 am

@kimmie ~ No worries, I won’t.

Ok, quick question on DWTS. What did you think of Chaz and his stomach’s performance to the theme song for Rocky? Out of every thing that dude is going through, being fat shouldn’t combat the struggle. Seems like he has enabled himself throughout everything he’s going through.

:-(

October 11th, 2011
10:47 am

Sometimes it lasts in love, sometimes it hurts instead

Sassy Me..Sun Kissed ;-)

October 11th, 2011
10:49 am

– at one job I was even deemed “combative” and “confrontational” just because I asked questions about stuff that certain folks wanted to keep brushed under the rug!

Leggs and Kimmie I get that as well b/c I ask questions that some see as me “challenging” the supervisor/team lead. I get called mean cause I’m about my work at work and not socializing/gossiping. I think it is normal to ask questions and then ask further ones based on the answer given. I’m known to be the one to say what others are thinking…but I get results others don’t get and I ain’t mad at that.

Leggs thanks for giving a title to and saving “The Engagement”….I thought that was cute.

Leggs

October 11th, 2011
10:51 am

Is that you RandyT?

Is that you ITL?

No sweat, SassyMe. Will repost on Friday.

SexyCool

October 11th, 2011
10:52 am

Sassy – just read an AJC article about someone over your way. I know you probably won’t want to say too much….but YIKES!!!

Celisea....quietly making noise :)

October 11th, 2011
11:01 am

I get it too. I think most any woman that’s not afraid to speak up will automatically default to being combative, confrontational, etc. Had to let a manager know I don’t believe in eye service and didn’t owe it to her let alone anyone else in proving I’m a team player. I’m pleasant but I don’t skin and grin. Don’t hang around folks’ desks/offices, not all over the floor and definitely won’t tap dance.

At my job it’s a known….Celisea bothers nobody, but she’s dang sure respected by all.

Celisea....quietly making noise :)

October 11th, 2011
11:06 am

They’re trying to get 100 participation/responses here to United Way. A couple of incentives…jeans until December, FALCON TICKETS…yaaaah. I hoping to win the tickets :)

Adele

October 11th, 2011
11:08 am

Didn’t I give it all?
Tried my best
Gave you everything I had
Everything and no less

Didn’t I do it right?
Did I let you down?
Maybe you got too used to
Having me around

Still how can you walk away
From all my tears?
It’s gonna be an empty road
Without me right here

But go on and take it
Take it all with you
Don’t look back
At this crumbling fool

SexyCool

October 11th, 2011
11:09 am

I know without a doubt that I am called the lovely B word with some regularity by some of the folks employed here and it really doesn’t bother me at all.

A few weeks ago, this chick on our third shift, overheard someone calling her the lovely B over the radio. The person didn’t realize that their broadcast button was engaged. I could see her being ticked off about it, but I actually ended up losing a bit of respect for her. After she made a report and was called in to see our site manager, she *acted* like she was so upset about it – crying and all. Stating that she could no longer work on that shift because of it. I felt like she was only playing that card because she knew we had a first shift position that she could be moved into. C’mon, chick, you are over the age of 50…and you are crying cause somebody called you a B?!? Stop it.

i'm swiss™

October 11th, 2011
11:09 am

Morning, folks.

On topic: The virtual world is just like the real world — it’s a public forum. The only difference is the audience is much, much larger and everything you do is pretty much out there for all eternity. But if you recognize this, social media can be a very convenient tool for keeping in touch or establishing connections with folks in the real world.

Off topic: D@mn! Where do you ladies work? It sounds miserable. You should come work at my place — we’re hiring. ;-)

disco

October 11th, 2011
11:13 am

good morning all. I was just recently reviewing some of my old performance reviews. several comments have been made over the years by different supervisors in different offices that I avoided office politics, cliques and gossip (which I take to be a plus) but the same was followed with I tend to stay to myself which can be perceived as being anti-social or standoffish. it’s almost like you are darned if you do and darned if you don’t. still I’ve long held the stance that I’m at work to work, not make friends. I’ll develop friendships with co-workers when one or both of us change jobs. no one will be bringing my personal business up in the workplace.

Leggs

October 11th, 2011
11:16 am

‘I know without a doubt that I am called the lovely B word with some regularity by some of the folks employed here and it really doesn’t bother me at all.”

Same here. I’m liked by many, intimidating to others, but respected by most. Everyone knows I’m a straight from the hip type of person. I don’t sugar coat so if you ask my opinion I will give it with as much tact as I can, but I won’t skin and grin. Not my makeup. I now my lane and haven’t veered from it much. If you don’t want to know, I’m not the one to ask.

kimmie

October 11th, 2011
11:17 am

I’m pleasant but I don’t skin and grin.

Celisea – Me either. Like a friend of mine described “walking around with a cup of coffee and and a notepad, running for mayor!” LOL!!
I love the job I have now cause we don’t play that bs. Especially the bosses I have now – they just want results, straight no chaser. We even joke about it. Whenever the big dogs come in town and we have to meet with them, I ask my boss “should I wear my brown-nose blue suit tomorrow?” I understand you gotta play the game to a certain extent, but kissing up I don’t do. I stand on my skills and it’s worked for me.

czBrat

October 11th, 2011
11:19 am

HiYas!

definitely nothing to be embarassed about my past profile. it was accurate to who i truly am, not what i wanted anyone to think of me.

it’s funny to me how many relationships have hit the rocks because of stuff posted on social media. i don’t tweet, but i do follow a few. i use fb to keep in touch and check out pics from my fam and friends. i only started the account because i was missing out on seeing pics of my nieces’ kids growing up. folks stopped sending me stuff directly and would just say “i posted it on my FB page”. :mad:

anywho, it’s entertainment.

Fion

October 11th, 2011
11:23 am

Ladies I have to ask, is it other women calling you the “B’ word or a combination of men and women???

Leggs

October 11th, 2011
11:24 am

@im swiss ~ nothing miserable about it. We are not, as they say “stutting” these folks. It’s there problem they’re not liking us/me. I’m going to keep on stepping…..their approval doesn’t float my boat in the least!

SexyCool

October 11th, 2011
11:24 am

I have a Twitter account but am not that active on it. It feels too much like being in a room and everybody is talking really loud at once. Too much mind clutter for me. Not enough visual breaks in the format.

SexyCool

October 11th, 2011
11:26 am

Fion – please know that no one is calling me that to my face. But…you’ve gotta love what I call the “Employee MisInformation Network” and all these grown behind tattletales. And at my workplace, there are only 4 women and 34 men.

Leggs

October 11th, 2011
11:27 am

@Fion ~ for me, other ladies.

czBrat

October 11th, 2011
11:27 am

standing O to all the blogettes who take no mess. i’ve never had it in me to be confrontational. i think that’s why i’m so snide and sarcastic. passive aggressive, if you will. LOL

Albert

October 11th, 2011
11:30 am

I don’t belong to Facebook or Twitter. Although I have been to online chat rooms and have made many online friends, I have never dated anyone I met online. I am too wary of having bad experiences. I am disabled, and I once met a “disabled” person online who “died on the operating table”. I was heartbroken until I found out this person was a pathological liar who had faked their death and often switched online names. I still leave online messages to friends, but I haven’t tried to get really close to anyone online since. I have never been hurt like that before and I don’t intend to get hurt like that again.

Celisea....quietly making noise :)

October 11th, 2011
11:30 am

Actually, the manager that I set straight is not one that I report to but one that’s revered kissed up to by all. She hired and me and told me right out that she did so because she liked my fire. She said this portfolio needed “tough love.” Yes, indeed. She’s not liking the fire so much now :roll: I’m okay with that. I’ll hold to my stance.

Kimmie – I really didn’t have a problem until my old manager who “got me” and was cool as ever with me decided to take another role due to having to travel so much. I have a new young “sista” trying to climb the corporate ladder and she said to me upon our first meeting, “you’re going to have to play the game” and I told her, I think not….not after getting it done for almost 15 years the earnest way. It’s acutally her perpetuating the drama. I kicked the box open and sent their BS to the CEO…in a letter. Yep, the CEO of over 200,000 plus emplopyees. She and the ballplayer was in cohoots. My old manager kept him straight and in line. After them trying to double team me, I asked if she was done. She said yes, and I said “my turn.” She was calling and emailing asking what I was going to do. I DID NOT RESPOND. Yep, she didn’t see that one coming. And because we’re virtual, she tried to send my survey (how I’m rated) to a gazillion people in hopes of polling a bucket of negativity but it backfired. EVERYBODY said the same thing……knowledgable, well versed and has a good rapport with the clients. That’s all she read over and over and over again…with her boss listening. The one that was here Friday. Wouldn’t you know the ballplayer didn’t show up at all. I told it all….EVERYTHING FROM A TO Z on both her and the ballplayer in a 3 page letter. Yep, she’s backed all the way up now.

I don’t trust her though and I don’t suspect she’s done. She’s careful now though because all eyes are on her and the ballplayer.

Fion

October 11th, 2011
11:31 am

I hear ya. Just my own informal survey. I’ve noticed over the years that usually, (not always) but
usually. Women (add please this ain’t a sexist statement) keep more sh^t going on with each other on the job than any group I’ve ever seen.

Leggs

October 11th, 2011
11:32 am

@czB ~ I was told not more than 2 weeks ago that a few women here at work thought I was aggressive. Mind you now, the definition I was given was

1. I was too confident
2. I speak my mind
3. Strut too much (whatever…..)
4. Honest to a fault

Well, DAMNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!

People love to say I speak my mind which is furthest from the truth. If I did, I wouldn’t have any friends. No one on God’s green Earth speaks everything they think!!