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Romantically challenged?

After you get past the early stages of dating, the relationship turns to the familiar and comfortable. Most couples settle into a routine, sometimes dull relationship but there is still a spark there. Keeping the romance fresh and still hot can be a challenge. Especially when it doesn’t come naturally to everyone.

To make matters more challenging, men and women may view romance differently. If you don’t make the effort to find out what your significant other considers romantic, you could end up spinning your wheels.

What was romantic to your ex-girlfriend won’t necessarily work for your new woman. Ladies, just because the last guy liked something you did, doesn’t mean the new one will.

What do you do when the person you are dating is romantically challenged? Do you clue them in or drop hints?

How do you define romance?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

227 comments Add your comment

abc

October 10th, 2011
12:48 pm

I’m over here with the “shut myself the hayell up” language of love today. Approximately monthly, it becomes clear to me that the best thing for me to do is say and do nothing, because no matter what it is, I’ll be wrong about it. Chicks can be just plain no fun at all. Preaching to the choir as it is and all.

i'm swiss™

October 10th, 2011
12:49 pm

“I have an update on my scandal…..call me later”

BMW — I don’t care what the test says, I am NOT the father! :lol:

i'm swiss™

October 10th, 2011
12:52 pm

“Approximately monthly, it becomes clear to me that the best thing for me to do is say and do nothing, because no matter what it is, I’ll be wrong about it.”

abc — And you know what makes it even worse? Correctly predicting, “you’re about to start, aren’t you?” :lol: This month, Mrs. Swiss got mad at me for not being enthusiastic enough when helping her do some sh!t for her job. :lol:

CmonSeriously

October 10th, 2011
12:53 pm

Fion

October 10th, 2011
12:57 pm

@ Swiss / abc

Fellas, not here. Wait for the union meeting.

abc

October 10th, 2011
12:58 pm

And there you have a real-time example of it.

i'm swiss™

October 10th, 2011
1:01 pm

Unions? We still have those?

CmonSeriously

October 10th, 2011
1:01 pm

@abc
Yup, get used to it, guys are used, abused, always wrong, and impatient when a woman wants to show up to a dinner reservation 1 hour late because she wants to get ready.

CmonSeriously

October 10th, 2011
1:03 pm

I think the correct way a man should act is “shut up and color”

Camille

October 10th, 2011
1:04 pm

@Randyt.. when I discovered the book it was tooo late to save my marriage. However, when I enter another relationship, this will be one book we both need to read. Somethings don’t move me while others do and vice versa….I/We must learn that with any relationship.

SexyCool

October 10th, 2011
1:05 pm

TheDude says all the time that the best lesson that he has learned so far is “When in doubt, fall back on the “Yes, Dear.” Rule. Just stop talking and start saying “Yes, Dear.”

He thinks he’s a comedian…

Exiled!

October 10th, 2011
1:09 pm

I wonde whether women,in their very private convos with other women,are advising each other of or showcasing how to take care of or pamper their men or they are talking more about or showcasing how their men take care of them?

I wonder what’s really paramount!on their minds,especially the single ones.

CmonSeriously

October 10th, 2011
1:09 pm

SC
Like I said, we’re always wrong, I had a woman tell me that the most dangerous type of tornandoes are the ones that don’t form in clouds cause you couldn’t see them. She got really mad when I didn’t budge and went and found the actual definition of what a tornado was. I hate standing for stupidity.

abc

October 10th, 2011
1:14 pm

I think the correct way a man should act is “shut up and color”

And stay inside the lines. Or, why do you always insist on coloring within the lines? And, ain’t no such thing as green hair. Etc. etc.

Boaz

October 10th, 2011
1:14 pm

Disco is the standard as far as I am concerned. I if women don’t get on her page. Parafisr lost. It’s nice to see the guys clue some of the women in. They nred are crass perspective. I mean donz’t disrespect or burt

CmonSeriously

October 10th, 2011
1:15 pm

@abc
you must be married to know that kind of behavior so well.

abc

October 10th, 2011
1:16 pm

Is that English?

Last input I have on it, though, is don’t go wondering why a man chooses to be by himself sometimes. We need a break from all the BS. Let’s just go play a round of golf by ourselves, or something, anything!

CmonSeriously

October 10th, 2011
1:17 pm

@abc
And don’t forget, the lack of the words “thank you”, once you have broken your back workin, doin what they say :)

Leggs

October 10th, 2011
1:17 pm

@Cmon ~ why sit there and wait an additional hour for the date to arrive. I would have been GHOST, especially if there wasn’t any communication between the two of us while I’m sitting there waiting.

Exiled!

October 10th, 2011
1:18 pm

@abc?

but by shutting up,are U making urself happy?

Or u just making Her happy?

I don’t believe in that pacification

But I think most American men are

Or why they stay single:

The balls Revocation of the modern day American Man(??) :lol:

Leggs

October 10th, 2011
1:20 pm

Telepathy indeed.

Yes, BMW, you definitely answered. Ok, I’ll call you later.

abc

October 10th, 2011
1:21 pm

It quickly becomes a scenario where it’s not a confrontation worth having, E. It passes soon enough. It doesn’t solve any problems, but it does avoid the symptoms, primary among which leads me to seek some solitude. I digs me some solitude.

CmonSeriously

October 10th, 2011
1:21 pm

@Exiled
Most guys I know, including myself want to avoid being “bit___ed at” so to avoid argument, they just do what their woman says, thus “yes dear”. And since dating is a pain in the butt, instead of breaking up, they just take it.

Boaz

October 10th, 2011
1:24 pm

Disco, U, 2me get it. We are wired different (women & men) more women need to take a page from your playbook. Ladies I know what u want but adjust a little or you will get very little. Unless u want a man 10-15 yrs older that will cake u cuz he is glad ur younger then him, but can’t do it for u long term. Cause only ur Dad is gonna just let u have it ur way completely.

Leggs

October 10th, 2011
1:27 pm

What’s funny to me is that most of the women here are like Disco. Not materialistic at all. Sure flowers every so often are cool. I could give a rat’s tail if you ever bought me a box of candy. But I get the sense a lot of women are like Disco.

kimmie

October 10th, 2011
1:29 pm

Leggs – Have you ever watched The Cooking channel? Not Food Network, it’s the Cooking channel. There is this show called Chucks Day Off. I stumbled on the show yesterday. That was one episode where I would have eaten every dish he prepared. He made fish tacos with homemade tortillas, pico and spicy avocado creme, marinated balsamic chicken wings, cobb salad and peach tea. He catered this same meal for a big rock band on tour, forgot which band. But it all looked fantastic and easy to prepare.

abc

October 10th, 2011
1:33 pm

I don’t do the ‘yes dear’ bit. I just disappear for awhile.

kimmie

October 10th, 2011
1:35 pm

Leggs – I beg to differ – I’m a chocoholic and love anytime I get candy! LOL!! But seriously, I think I’m a nice mix of practical and romantic. It’s a place and time for it all. It’s just a matter of recognizing the other’s style and needs.

Most of it is not that hard or serious, especially if you really care for the person. But if you don’t, any request or desire is bound to be a chore to the other person. Resentment sets in when you feel you HAVE to do something you don’t want to do. Instead of you WANTING to make another person happy.

It’s an absolute joy to do the things that make my husband happy. Always has been.

i'm swiss™

October 10th, 2011
1:37 pm

abc — There are definitely times when having a bigger house than you really need is exactly what you really need. :lol:

Leggs

October 10th, 2011
1:53 pm

@kimmie ~ not tallking about the candy part, just that a lot of women can take gifts that most wouldn’t necessarily deem romantic girly gifts. If I need a vaccum cleaner and that’s what you gave me, I would be happy.

Exiled!

October 10th, 2011
1:53 pm

The wussyfication(Yes dear) of the modern American man!

kimmie

October 10th, 2011
1:59 pm

Leggs – I know, I was joking, kinda. That’s why I said I’m a mix of practical and romantic. I can appreciate any gift and the spirit in which it’s given.

When husband & I were dating, he once presented me with a GPS. He knew I didn’t have one and needed it. It showed he was listening to me and he cared about my safety. I didn’t have to throw tacky hints. He just got it. Now that is romantic to me. The candy & flowers I got on V day were romantic as well.

He’s a great mixture of both.

abc

October 10th, 2011
1:59 pm

Yeah Swiss, and when the house can’t possibly be big enough, we try out that ‘absence makes the heart grow fonder’ premise.

abc

October 10th, 2011
2:03 pm

I gave my girl a GPS some years back (when the best nuvi’s were still going around $800) and I don’t think she thought it was very romantic. I almost always get a tech gadget along with whatever jewelry or whatever — an iPhone here, a iPad there, ya know. There’s always a practical need for the techno junk. Romantic and practical don’t live on the same side of the street, to me.

CmonSeriously

October 10th, 2011
2:03 pm

Leggs
Love it, I love clean floors, I know it’s just an example but when I got my Kirby a couple years back that was having me smiling ear to ear!!!

Leggs

October 10th, 2011
2:06 pm

It helps if you read past the first line of someone’s post (lol).

kimmie

October 10th, 2011
2:07 pm

Again, depends on the people involved, their style and the spirit behind the gift given.

It wasn’t necessarily what the gift was, but the fact that he took note of what I needed to ensure my well-being.

disco

October 10th, 2011
2:07 pm

thanks boaz. while I appreciate that you get me I most def know not to issue advice. like I said earlier – “I’m special” and I know it. I am so far from the norm but I do me. I can’t advise others to try to be me and do or say things that I would do or say. and besides all that – I am one of the single chicks. maybe someone should be advising me.

Ron Burgundy

October 10th, 2011
2:09 pm

Pearl necklaces are romantic….but not fake ones.

Leggs

October 10th, 2011
2:09 pm

@Cmon ~ purchasing a Kirby will either leave you smiling from ear to ear or crying in your beer. :wink:

Leggs

October 10th, 2011
2:09 pm

Exactly, kimmie. That fact that he listened and took note is romantic which makes the gift romantic.

Barrack ussein Obama

October 10th, 2011
2:11 pm

Michelle finds it romantic when i fire up the 747 and jet us to Marthas Vineyard for lobster and relaxation. Its fun to spend tax payers money for the sake of romance!

Michael Jackson's Ghost

October 10th, 2011
2:16 pm

I always found sitting around in PJs eating sundaes and drinking Jesus juice to be very romantic.

disco

October 10th, 2011
2:17 pm

okay speaking of listening and gifts. last year at Christmas I was really pushing for a new nook from barnes and noble. me and the guy I was expecting to purchase the nook for me made several trips to barnes and noble where I pointed out the nook, played with the nook, all but jumped up and down in the aisles and said “buy me nook, buy me nook”. at the time steve harvey’s latest book was on display and he commented that maybe I’d like to read that to which I replied I don’t care for steve Harvey. not a fan of his comedy, not a fan of his acting, hardly listen to his radio show. no desire to read his book. fast forward to xmas gift exchange and I get all excited to open my new nook and it’s a hardcover copy of steve harvey’s book (apparently this man bought a copy of this book for practically every woman on his shopping list). I understand the whole concept of it being the thought that counts and appreciating that someone did something for you but I honestly felt disrespected. I mean really – if I repeatedly say I don’t want this and you present me with it anyway… he was dead wrong but we laugh about it now.

CmonSeriously

October 10th, 2011
2:20 pm

Leggs
I bought it for myself, last vaccuum I will ever need. That thing is freakin awesome.

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

October 10th, 2011
2:21 pm

We all have our own definitions of romantic one size don’t fit all, what’s romance for them don’t have to be romantic for you. I installed a garbage disposal in a friends kitchen sink and she said how romantic that was. We never had any interest in each other but it made me rethink what romantic is about. Romantic is being kind.

Exiled!

October 10th, 2011
2:23 pm

@Disco?

did u ask him why he boght that especially after telling him u didn’t like him.,,did u read the book?

Anything u gained from reading the book?

Barrack Hussein Obama

October 10th, 2011
2:23 pm

My wife bought me back a nice Tag huer watch from her diplomatic trip to Spain. Very romantic gesture from her…..AND THE TAXPAYERS!

kimmie

October 10th, 2011
2:25 pm

Romantic is being kind.

Blackfoote – Bears repeating. Thank you for posting that!

disco – See that’s what I’m talking about. Good you can laugh about it now. When a person does stuff like that, it’s almost a case that they know what you would really like but are determined to do what THEY want. Even if he wasn’t able to get you the Nook and got you something totally different, it would feel better than getting you something you expressly said you didn’t want.

CmonSeriously

October 10th, 2011
2:26 pm

Worst gift I have ever gotten was the promise of my ex to do her stretches for her back so she wouldn’t get injured again, that lasted a week before she got lazy and wouldn’t do them, she thought it was much better to buy a massage therapist, when we didn’t have the money.