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Romantically challenged?

After you get past the early stages of dating, the relationship turns to the familiar and comfortable. Most couples settle into a routine, sometimes dull relationship but there is still a spark there. Keeping the romance fresh and still hot can be a challenge. Especially when it doesn’t come naturally to everyone.

To make matters more challenging, men and women may view romance differently. If you don’t make the effort to find out what your significant other considers romantic, you could end up spinning your wheels.

What was romantic to your ex-girlfriend won’t necessarily work for your new woman. Ladies, just because the last guy liked something you did, doesn’t mean the new one will.

What do you do when the person you are dating is romantically challenged? Do you clue them in or drop hints?

How do you define romance?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

227 comments Add your comment

Leggs

October 10th, 2011
11:22 am

@Ex ~ reading your post, it can be taken both ways. You directly talking to me or you making a reference.

CmonSeriously

October 10th, 2011
11:24 am

Do chicks really dig scars lol

Leggs

October 10th, 2011
11:25 am

@im swiss ~ he was the maintenance man on that show with McKenzie Phillips and that other famous lady I can’t remember her name who was married to that rocker who’s name I too can’t remmber.

i'm swiss™

October 10th, 2011
11:26 am

“that rocker who’s name I too can’t remmber.”

Leggs — Blasphemy! “That rocker” was Eddie Van Halen, and don’t you ever forget it! ;-) :lol:

Exiled!

October 10th, 2011
11:28 am

U didn’t even read my first sentence I suppose

@Leggs

one ‘bad’ word u not like set the tone for u I guess.

I think Fion was right about reading deep

Leggs

October 10th, 2011
11:31 am

It wasn’t a bad word, Ex. I was just letting you know, since I thought you were talking to me, that I wasn’t coming off at thirsty.

And yes, I read your first sentence and it was negative as well. I understand all you are saying, but when expectations were the same on both parties, scared is scared.

disco

October 10th, 2011
11:33 am

I hate to make it all literal but I guess some folks here would have to go into what romantic means to them. sure I can take it as a simple act of intimacy. sharing time, bonding and all that is good but where I’m coming from right now today when I’m thinking “romantic” I’m not thinking about warm, fuzzy feelings and goo goo eyes – I’m thinking like gabrielle union in deliver us from eva “and then we burned a hole in the floor”. the things that make me want to burn a hole in the floor are more practical in nature than romantic.

Fion

October 10th, 2011
11:33 am

Pissst!!!!!, Hey Exlied listen, you got to wait on the rest of the fella’s to get here before you start up. All I got are smoke grenades in my bag.

Leggs

October 10th, 2011
11:38 am

@im siwss ~ I do ask that you forgive me. Yes sir, Eddie Van Halen, and he was married to Valerie ?

Exiled!

October 10th, 2011
11:40 am

Leggs,the outcome of this encounter with the dude was negative even tho it probably started positive. There is no question.

And as for him,he may have read into it a little differently than urself. I’m sure I potrayed that.

That does not mean that U were bad or are bad or should you necessarily read it as reflecting that about ur character.
I don’t understand the hullabaloo

CmonSeriously

October 10th, 2011
11:45 am

As for what I have seen recently dating, horrible as it is when dating someone, you have to be shallow and kind of closed off, since I took my emotions out of the mix and I go to just have some fun, I seem to get more dates and better receptions. So my advice, get rid of the drama, don’t care what anyone thinks and after you date a person for a while then you can open yourself up. Look at every guy and girl as just that, don’t look at them as a potential mate and let the cards fall as they may. Just come up with your list of things you can tolerate and which ones you can’t. Go by the numbers.

i'm swiss™

October 10th, 2011
11:49 am

Leggs — Valarie Bertanelli (sp?) or something like that. But she’s not a guitar god, so who cares? :lol:

abc

October 10th, 2011
11:49 am

Leggs, sounds to me like the guy has met someone else. Abrupt behavior change, ‘ruin your life’, ‘moving too fast’, umhm. Yep.

SlimUno

October 10th, 2011
11:55 am

abc – Or it could have been an old love or recent ex-love to come back around. Seems like some break-ups take months (or years in some cases) before it ever actually ends lol

CmonSeriously

October 10th, 2011
11:55 am

Who cares Leggs, he wasn’t right for you, move on, there is a whole world out there, why let a guy like that bug ya.

Leggs

October 10th, 2011
11:56 am

@Ex ~ there is no question. Correct.

Thank you, Valerie Bertinelli.

@abc ~ I don’t think he met someone else. I think he still has someone and perhaps not willing to tighten up his loose strings.

Camille

October 10th, 2011
11:57 am

@Disco…. I agree with you. Love does not equat to gifts/flowers/etc for me. They are appreciated from time to time, but that is not love to me.

Everyone is different when it comes to what they need out of a relationship.

I would suggest the book, “Five Love Languages” ….

Leggs

October 10th, 2011
11:57 am

@Cmon ~ I don’t think he’s necessarily bugging me. Just wondering why bother to get out and meet people if that’s not your true intent. But, you are right, he wasn’t right for me. NEXT……

CmonSeriously

October 10th, 2011
11:58 am

Why should an obvious “fill in the blank” take this much time on the blog, he’s gone, throw him out like the trash and forget about him.

Randyt (aka, Been There, Done That, Got a Closet FULL of T-Shirts)

October 10th, 2011
11:59 am

As I’ve indicated before on here, when I’m in a relationship that ends, I don’t waste my time reflecting much on what the other party could have done better. I spend time reflecting on what I could have done better. One topic I always address in my reflection is the “romantic” issue. If I should have been more aware of and responsive to my SO’s needs, I consciously make specific plans for the next one…before I even figure out who the next one is. I try to improve my game a little at a time.

One can get busted though. Current lady has noticed the “cheek stroking”, the soft look in the eyes, the “eyelid kisses” etc., and figured out I got it from a book or something and put it in my bag of tricks ;-)

Fion

October 10th, 2011
11:59 am

“What do you do when the person you are dating is romantically challenged? Do you clue them in or drop hints?”

Straight talk, on the real. If the person you are dating is romantically challenged, they just aren’t that into you.
Bottom line, no one knows anyone when they meet and start out dating and forming a relationship. The question is are you willing to invest the time and make an effort to learn what the other likes and what turns them on. If you got to coach somebody up on Love, they aren’t that into you.

Just sayin’

Leggs

October 10th, 2011
11:59 am

@SlimUno ~ yes ma’am. That’s my take as well. On point!!!

Leggs

October 10th, 2011
12:02 pm

“why should fill in the blank” take this much time on the blog, he’s gone, throw him out like the trash and forget about him.”

Ummmmm, this is a blog for this type of discussion. It was just a conversation piece, nothing that one needs to lay down on a therapist’s couch and break down what it all really means. We fill our time with worse mundane topics…

Randyt (aka, Been There, Done That, Got a Closet FULL of T-Shirts)

October 10th, 2011
12:04 pm

@ Camille, the “Five Love Languages” (Gary Chapman, is that the right author) is one of the best books out there for figuring out the other partner’s wants and needs. It, and a basic awareness of Myers Briggs/Kiersey Temperament Sorter, can go a long way toward doing things “she/he” appreciates. It is too easy for both sexes to try to please theeir partner with waht they themselves like, rather than what the partner likes or responds to.

SlimUno

October 10th, 2011
12:07 pm

I feel sort of bad for a friend of a friend that recently moved down here from another state for their job. He has four kids and has not yet been able to find a place of his own (sort of crashing with a friend in the meantime)…It’s going to be hard to find something to sign on for a struggling guy with 4 kids.

Leggs

October 10th, 2011
12:10 pm

@SlimNu ~ I gather he didn’t move down with the four kids????

SexyCool

October 10th, 2011
12:12 pm

abc – I see you over there with “The Five Languages of Love.”

CmonSeriously

October 10th, 2011
12:17 pm

@Leggs
I have absolutely no sympathy for a guy that is no good for anyone, I figured the blog was more about people that are trying to get things to work as opposed to people that break up saying things like they will ruin someone’s life. Sorry if I came off as a little harsh.

SlimUno

October 10th, 2011
12:21 pm

Leggs – No, they are living back at his home state with his ex-wife. That’s a whole lot of child support..not one, not two…not even three…but FOE kids dayum :lol: Said they were trying for a girl and that last time when they saw it was another boy, they gave up lol

SexyCool

October 10th, 2011
12:21 pm

And I see that some other folks have mentioned it subsequently.

The two things that I find the most romantic about TheDude is that #1 – he pays attention to me – the things that I say, that I like, that I don’t like – he just really pays attention. #2 – he is open to and as committed as I am to using whatever relationships resources, tools and even classes that we have access to in order to make our relationship successful.

kimmie

October 10th, 2011
12:25 pm

Slim – Why is he having a hard time finding a place? Is he looking to rent or buy? Is he having a hard time finding something he can afford, is the company helping with moving expenses? Are the kids going to come down to live eventually or just for regular visit? Lots of questions.

kimmie

October 10th, 2011
12:30 pm

SCool – That’s what it’s really all about – paying attention. Finding out the others wants and needs and then figuring out if it’s something you can provide.

If they are not open, like you said on your #2, to making the relationship work, they are probably just not into you.

Leggs

October 10th, 2011
12:30 pm

@Cmon ~ not harsh at all, but to be honest with you, unless you’ve been lurking for a long time, you haven’t been around long enough to figure much out as to how this blog works. Haven’t you noticed our Zaning Fridays. That definitely has nothing to do with “getting things to work” or “people breaking up.” There’s a plethora of topices discussed on this blog daily. We jump around daily from the deepest of topics to the more mundane, i.e., poots.

@SlimUno ~ I thought about that when you said he’s crashing at a friend’s place. Figured he may be getting even more antsy in that he can’t support his children.

SexyCool

October 10th, 2011
12:31 pm

Um…yeah…no…Ope, I am not excited about Rosie O’Donnell.

BlackMagicWoman

October 10th, 2011
12:32 pm

Greetings from a very sunny and unseasonably warm NYC!!!

LEGGS…ole dude was driving the train full speed ahead and just decided to pull the emergency break????? He’s a sucka! You need to get off at the next stop and exit the station! :lol:

As far as romance…I am a very romantic person. I think some men need a nudge in that department. But first thing is first….men do NOT think it makes you soft if you don’t be your normal annoying macho selves. Machisimo makes me vomit! A man who isn’t afraid to show how he feels is wht separates the real men from the little boys playing dress up in men’s clothing. Now men say they like to make the first move. Ok, you either shhhh or get off the pot. So ladies, getting a man to be romantic is like potty training. (I know bad analogy, but it’s all I have right now :lol: ). Lead by example. I have done really romantic things for my exes. Such as running a bath for HIM, send a gift to his job (something he liked), etc. Hopefully this will help him on that. It worked for me.

Leggs

October 10th, 2011
12:32 pm

Oh, and I too wasn’t trying to be harsh.

BlackMagicWoman

October 10th, 2011
12:32 pm

“I meant “Brake” not Break.

kimmie

October 10th, 2011
12:33 pm

Leggs – And to add my 2 cents, the blog IS named MISadventures in Atlanta!

CmonSeriously

October 10th, 2011
12:33 pm

my bad….just came in here, i think it was last week

Leggs

October 10th, 2011
12:33 pm

If BMW was here she would end my post with “Come on, Son!” :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

Leggs

October 10th, 2011
12:34 pm

Oh Snap, she is here. You scared me when I just scrolled back up…that isht is eerie!!!!

SlimUno

October 10th, 2011
12:34 pm

kimmie – Whew, lemme catch my breath from that storm of questions lol Ok, I think he has something on his credit from a past apartment complex but he does state he was hoping they would look more at his rental history vs credit. He job only paid the rent at his previous residence for the duration of his lease. Anything else, I believe is on him. He is looking to rent a small place in the meantime but he does want his kids to be able to visit at some point but not to live. I’m not sure if they have dual custody or what…not sure of all those details.

Leggs

October 10th, 2011
12:36 pm

Rosie O’Donnell’s shape of her mouth and voice gives me the creeps. The Thrump’s mouth is in second’s place.

Leggs

October 10th, 2011
12:38 pm

@Cmon ~ had to laugh…very nice and well deserved retreat. Yousa quick learner….we likes that. You cool.

Leggs

October 10th, 2011
12:38 pm

Exactly, kimmie ~ MISadventures….I like to add to the pot when I can (lol).

kimmie

October 10th, 2011
12:39 pm

Slim – Sorry didn’t mean to hit you will all the questions, but it makes better sense now.

Any transition can be hard, even in the best of circumstances. Hopefully he can find someone that will give him a break and he’ll be able to find a place he can afford that’s in a decent neighborhood. I wish him well.

Fion

October 10th, 2011
12:40 pm

@ BMW
It’s not about being soft. Truth be told, I have to trust you first. For that my dear takes time.

Celisea

October 10th, 2011
12:41 pm

Telepathy Leggs

BlackMagicWoman

October 10th, 2011
12:43 pm

LEGGS…you bellowed???? Well I answered. And yes you are correct. I was thinking, “Come on son! For real?” :lol:

Oh I have an update on my scandal…..call me later :-)

BlackMagicWoman

October 10th, 2011
12:48 pm

Romance requires how much trust? Of course I will not be romantic with any fool. But If I am diggin’ you a lil’ bit won’t hurt. If I feel no romance, I’m out! Plenty of other guys who would do it. Just like a man says when a woman won’t give up the goods they go to someone who will. Well….

Lucky for me, the guys that I go out with now have no problem showing me romance. But the one who is showing me the most is who I’m feeling.