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Romantically challenged?

After you get past the early stages of dating, the relationship turns to the familiar and comfortable. Most couples settle into a routine, sometimes dull relationship but there is still a spark there. Keeping the romance fresh and still hot can be a challenge. Especially when it doesn’t come naturally to everyone.

To make matters more challenging, men and women may view romance differently. If you don’t make the effort to find out what your significant other considers romantic, you could end up spinning your wheels.

What was romantic to your ex-girlfriend won’t necessarily work for your new woman. Ladies, just because the last guy liked something you did, doesn’t mean the new one will.

What do you do when the person you are dating is romantically challenged? Do you clue them in or drop hints?

How do you define romance?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

227 comments Add your comment

CmonSeriously

October 10th, 2011
7:38 am

From my point of view honestly, this is an impossible question to answer, that is one of the main reason women read so many romance novels. How many of those novels actually go into the troubles of the years after the hot and heavy. Yeah the spark goes out a bit, once you start living with what you view as the other person’s short comings, we all have them. For a guy trying to keep everything romantic for as long as we can is to say the very least exhausting, and we can’t keep it up forever, as hard as we may try. Getting a long standing relationship is enjoying the SO’s personality and enjoying the simple life. The chase is hard on most people, and anyone who thinks that is the way it is gonna be forever and expects the same effort the entire time is delusional.

Ron Burgundy

October 10th, 2011
8:03 am

Is doggie style romatnic? If so, I am VERY romantic?

CmonSeriously

October 10th, 2011
8:05 am

Really depends if you yank the hair.

Ron Burgundy

October 10th, 2011
8:12 am

Oh yes! Of course I have dated some girls where I yanked the hair and a wig…..that my friends is NOT romantic.

Carrie

October 10th, 2011
8:30 am

Wild passionate sex on the couch and floor followed by chineese food.

Leggs

October 10th, 2011
8:43 am

Good morning.

Dorinder

October 10th, 2011
8:45 am

Ignorance is truly bliss. Please help me understand the thrill of practing idiocrisy?? Can not the moderator do something about these that continues to cause disruptions???

Leggs

October 10th, 2011
9:00 am

They will only keep changing their monikders. It’s a shame that someone comes on a MIA just to be crass and disrespectful!

Reio

October 10th, 2011
9:02 am

Never thought much about it. I tried to find out what she liked, by asking. I was nice, respectful, & kind, but I was always myself. So, as the newness wore off, she did’nt have a major let down, cause there was no major up tick, beyond her just getting to know me, and I, her. As I have always said, “Take me as I am, or not at all.” At least if we don’t make it, she will know why. I asked my wife, after almost 19 years of maerriage, “have I changed much since we met?”, she replied, “no.”

Mike Vick

October 10th, 2011
9:04 am

I find it romantic to send the girl flowers and a card after relations.

“Thanks for the great time, you now have herpes. Sincerely, Ron Mexico”

Reio

October 10th, 2011
9:16 am

I could have been more romantic, but what good would it have done? All of that stuff would have come to a halt at some point down the road, then what? I can recall one incident that occured during our dating phase. I called her at least once a day for, I think, 5 straight days. on the 6th day, late, she called me and asked why I had’nt called her. I said “I did’nt have a question for you.” She said, “Well, you could have called to say hello or see how I was doing or something.” I replied ” I called you several times this week already and I did’nt detect any concern on your part obout your health or anything, and frankly, I did’nt want to call you today, so, I did’nt” She hung up in my face.

Leggs

October 10th, 2011
9:33 am

@Reio ~ that is nice!

Reio

October 10th, 2011
9:33 am

To continue the 9:16am story on that incident : I called her the next day to ask why she hung up on me. She said that she “figured that I did’nt want to be bothered.” I replied “You figured that I did’nt want to be bothered? or you are just upset that I told you the truth?” She said “It’s not what you said, but how you said it.” So, I decided to continue to tell the truth and give it to her straight, by telling her “Honey, you are, without a doubt, without question, hands down, the most wonderful, decent,caring, bright, witty, lovely lady I have ever dated. I’m so glad I met you. But it sounds like you are expecting something from me that I’m not able or willing to give you, and I don’t even know what it is. She replied, while laughing, “You just answered just about every other question I had for you down the road. Thanks for explaining yourself and being you.” I think we went to dinner later that evening,

Leggs

October 10th, 2011
9:36 am

I was referring to your first post (lol) about you not changing much in 19 years. Not that she hung up in your face (lololol).

Leggs

October 10th, 2011
9:41 am

@Reio ~ I’m going through something similar to your phone conversation. The person I was talking to for 2 weeks straight all of sudden got scared and stopped with the “Good morning” texts and calling when he said he would. I got a chance to talk with him over the weekend and he said he thought he was moving too fast so he’s backing off. Wow…ummmm, ok!

Can’t force something one doesn’t want. Glad your story turned out differently (lol).

Reio

October 10th, 2011
9:43 am

@ Leggs – She looked up at the ceiling for about 15-20 seconds before answering “No”. So, I was’nt sure, for a while, how she would respond.

Reio

October 10th, 2011
9:46 am

@ Leggs – It’s possible that he thought about it for a while and decided that “This is a good one, don’t want to mess this up, so I’ll back off a bit. Rather not scare her off.” Who knows?

OJ

October 10th, 2011
9:48 am

Reio – I agree its hard in a relaitonship when daily contact has become the norm.. You gotta be you. I used to text Nicole EVERY day with romantic npothings like “WHO YOU WITH HO!” and if she did not answer I would be come bery upset. One day I just had had enough and…well…you know….

Exiled!

October 10th, 2011
9:50 am

Good morning!

Aaagh,I mean,um,I am romantically challenged.

I am more practical than romantic.

It was her birthday yesterday so I did say ‘happy burthday’ early on whilst still in bed.
She asked if we were doing something,I said ‘No!’ but i paid the mortgage.

She wasnt too happy but Iam kinda like that. I don’t pay too much attn to annivesaries,birthdays and stuff like that. I don’t even care to celebrate my own birthday but for her and the kids. I just play along.

Thankfully,the kids made her a cake and blew candles!

CmonSeriously

October 10th, 2011
9:51 am

On a side note, one thing I like about this blog is it helps me know when I do something, I can feel more justified in my actions. I talked with a girl all night, had a great time with her, and called her a few days and at one point during the first night she had told me something, then less than a week later she told me something completely different, I calmly explained to her, that she was just caught in a lie, and I cannot get any more involved with you than I already have. I will be your friend, but starting out anything with lies isn’t something that I am willing to deal with.

kimmie

October 10th, 2011
9:56 am

Morning All!

The only thing I can say to both sides is don’t start something you can’t reasonably keep up. And don’t expect everyone you meet to be the same as the one you dated before. That goes for the good stuff as well as the bad.

That’s all I really have to contribute to this topic.

4 Real, please tell me what you thought about that Breaking Bad finale!!! I thought it was off the chain!

Reio

October 10th, 2011
10:01 am

I’ve just never been the romantic type. Seems like you’re always under the gun. Her birthday, Valentines day, our first meeting anniversary, my birthday, wedding anniversary… forget something, and it’s like you committed a felony or something. I’m still working on this after all of these years. Just don’t know. Just don’t know.

Leggs

October 10th, 2011
10:08 am

@Reio ~ interesting you say that because he told me that he thought he was moving too fast and “didn’t want to ruin my life.” That statement stopped me dead in my tracks. Who says that? But, I guess I understand. What I don’t understand is why people go out to meet someone to connect with and when they do they become a jack rabbit retreating back into the woods.

Fion

October 10th, 2011
10:26 am

@Leggs

I usually don’t comment on folks personal stuff, but if Ol’ Boy told you “I don’t want to ruin your life”
Why not take it face value and say, “ok”! Thanks.

Just sayin’

Reio

October 10th, 2011
10:26 am

@ Leggs – It depends on his intentions. Us guys are’nt as good at reading signs and signals as I wish we were, but if his intentions were to trick you into thinking that he was really into you, thereby, maybe, having a roll in the hay sooner rather than later, he realized that you probably would’nt fall for it, so now instead of telling you to hit the road, he wants to kind of let you go slowly. Or maybe he feels that if he continues on the original course, you will come to expect that, and more, from him, but he won’t be able to keep it up, therebu “ruining” your life, in his eyes, at least, in the short term. So he backs off for that reason. I don’t know.

disco

October 10th, 2011
10:26 am

good morning everyone. I am a far more practical woman than I am romantic. while most women say they want the romantic gifts my best gifts have been the practical ones that most women would draw blood for if presented with: vacuum cleaners, electric skillets, crockpots, tool kits. once years ago when my child was young and I was working two jobs to get by a guy presented me with two dozen roses. all I could think about was that those roses could have bought groceries or paid some utility bills or something. what was I really supposed to do with some flowers. I know the guy meant well but I so was not feeling those roses.

Reio

October 10th, 2011
10:32 am

@ disco – My kind of woman! Yes indeed!

Exiled!

October 10th, 2011
10:32 am

@Leggs!

People retreat because, sometimes, they perceive things,based on talking,differently than the other party.

So rather than saying,’let’s take it slow’,they wld rather pull away.
If a chic appeared more than ready when I thought maybe,she’s gonna take some time to woo,a man might have second thoughts.

Too thirsty,seen from the man’s or woman’s perspective is not a good look.

abc

October 10th, 2011
10:32 am

That’s kind of funny, immediately associating that which is romantic with gifts and cash. Hm! And then, not appreciating the gifts because they’re not what one wanted.

Totally not feeling the romantic thing today. Even a girl as wonderful as mine gets bouts of self absorption. Chicks. Not a lot of fun sometimes.

CmonSeriously

October 10th, 2011
10:32 am

@Leggs
Shake it off, there are better guys out there.

Leggs

October 10th, 2011
10:34 am

@Fion ~ I had no choice but to accept exactly that. I’m not pursuing. I’m a very good listener.

@Reio – I have to agree with you as well.

What I find weird is people wanting to meet and date and when they find someone they’ may be compatible with they get scared. I guess there are many levels that a person wants to meet one on. Perhaps, the level they see me on is not the level they want in a woman (LOL). That is too funny, but I’ll take it as a compliment and K.I.M…..

Leggs

October 10th, 2011
10:34 am

This is MIA, and since I’m finally experiencing something to contribute, I thought I get your take.

disco

October 10th, 2011
10:49 am

abc – personally I don’t necessarily equate romantic with gifts and cash though it has been my personal experience that most fellows when making efforts at being romantic will present a woman with a gift of some sort. (note I left out cash – cash never registers as romantic with me. don’t get me wrong – I’ll take it. it’s just not romantic). I’ll mention another old boyfriend of mine. this guy was the romantic, poetry writing type brother. my girlfriends loved it and I was personally put off by it. in general, I appreciate poetry but I was just unable to give this guy romantic cool points for writing me poetry. I’d much rather he come over and help me change the air filters or something.

Leggs

October 10th, 2011
10:50 am

@Ex ~ please, give me a break. No body was coming off thirsty. Not at all and if you heard our conversations you would understand. And yes, I know the signs of thirsty when I receive them as well as if I’m giving them off.

I’m good over here. Just like Beyonce’s new song, I may have dodged a bullet. Always look for the positive.

Reio

October 10th, 2011
10:54 am

@ disco – Had I met you before my wife, I would have tried like hell to keep you. True love does not have to manefest itself in cards, gifts, trinkets, or cash. If it’s there. it’s there. If not, oh well. Love your posts.

i'm swiss™

October 10th, 2011
10:58 am

There is nothing more excruciating than bad poetry. And, unfortunately, most poetry is bad.

Reio

October 10th, 2011
11:00 am

@ Leggs – I think I understand where you’re coming from. He made a dramatic shift in his behavior towards you. You’re not longing for an explaination, you’re just curious as to why the abrupt change. That’s all. Understandable. And Justifiable.

disco

October 10th, 2011
11:00 am

thanks reio. I am indeed “special”. I know it and my friends and family know it. funny thing is – guys I happen to date don’t get it at least not at first. guess a girl like me takes getting used to.

SlimUno

October 10th, 2011
11:00 am

Leggs – We might want to consider an involuntary moniker change for Exiled. He always come in wayyy off in left field saying all kinds of random stuff, not sure if it’s the Devil’s Advocate in him or what. He’s a Loose Cannon so maybe he should be LC for short

Leggs

October 10th, 2011
11:06 am

@Reio ~ thank you. That was all I was “attempting” to express. Sometimes, when people find what they believe they want, it scares them. I definitely understand that. Some have the fortitude to ride and explore and others scare themselves off. As long as I’m in tact and not harmed, believe you me, I’m good!!!

@SlimNu ~ I think LC is an excellent fit.

Reio

October 10th, 2011
11:08 am

@ disco – You’re welcome. I’ll just tell the truth here, we are all just passing through life. No matter how young or old. I figure, why not be yourself, and if you find someone that you connect with, you will know that it’s you that’s keeping them around, not something else. That’s the way I’ve always approached it. And I was always ready to move on when the handwriting was on the wall.

abc

October 10th, 2011
11:10 am

all I could think about was that those roses could have bought groceries or paid some utility bills

Sounds like a preference for cash to me. Being Mr. Fixit around the house is romantic? News to me — but then, I suppose lots of chicks would value things like that along the lines of “acts of service”, that being more valuable to them than anything material. Still doesn’t seem to have anything to do with romance, in my opinion. Then again, I’m not feeling the romantic vibe today. Thppt.

Fion

October 10th, 2011
11:12 am

@Leggs / Slim

As defender of all that’s good and right in the world, I think ya’ll are coming down to hard on Exiled. Granted he’s views may be extreme, but I challenge ya’ll to reach and dig deeper for understanding.

SlimUno

October 10th, 2011
11:14 am

Romance does not have to equal anything related to something monetary. A sweet note left for you to find in the mornings before work is sweet/romantic to me…You SO grabbing your hand to go for a walk around the neighborhood or nearby park is romantic to me…picking off a flower from the yard and placing it in her hair is romantic to me. Cooking dinner or breakfast for your SO is romantic to me…a “just because’ card…etc And these things are all ways I personally show my SO I care of that i’m thinking of them. So it’s nothing that I would ask of another that I wouldn’t do myself.

Leggs

October 10th, 2011
11:14 am

@abc ~ being Mr. Fixit is definitely romantic. It’s sexy, and stirs the nether regions for many women. Watching a man fix things around the house, build things for the house is definitely an aphrodisiac

Leggs

October 10th, 2011
11:16 am

@Fion ~ not coming down too hard on him. I think he’s comind down too hard with continuous responses that a woman was “thirsty,” or “gave it up too quickly now she feel used,” etc….not hard at all on him.

SlimUno

October 10th, 2011
11:16 am

Fion – Not to worry, it’s not like we raised a vote to have him RE-exiled off the island but honestly he does come off a bit crass at times or just plain vulgar. However, I think Leggs and I (correct me fi i’m wrong Leggs) pretty much know how he rolls and how to deal with him. It’s been years lol

Exiled!

October 10th, 2011
11:18 am

Leggs?

In no way did I insinuate that U were thirsty. I just gave one if many examples.

@ Slim,bounce.

Exiled!

October 10th, 2011
11:20 am

Fion thanx

I don’t know what Slim is reading

Where did I say Leggs was thirsty?

i'm swiss™

October 10th, 2011
11:22 am

“being Mr. Fixit is definitely romantic. It’s sexy, and stirs the nether regions for many women.”

You know who gets tons of puddy? This guy.