accessAtlanta

City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP
City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP

Social life keeping you single?

Earlier this week we talked about knowing what we really want in a mate and ending up with someone totally different. It reminded me of another dating conundrum: the thing that attracts you to someone in the beginning is often the same thing that drives a wedge between you two later.

For example, a man meets a woman out at a party. She is vibrant, friendly, full of life and is pretty active on the social scene. At first, he loves this about her. They get together and suddenly it’s a problem that his little social butterfly won’t sit home with him in a quiet cocoon of an existence. See what happened there? It’s a classic example of how things become a little more complicated when expectations kick in.

A lot of people I know who go out a lot are ready and willing to take on domestic/married/coupled up life. I believe that you can actually strike a nice balance of both if you wanted to. A little compromise goes a long way, doesn’t it?

Is it possible partying is keeping some people single? Yes, especially when they are out in the clubs, bars, every single night getting numbers, getting wasted – rinse, repeat, etc. That is not the same as living it up and enjoying the freedom of singlehood, though, is it? What do you think?

Have you ever dated someone who told that you go out too much?

How many times a month do you go out with friends, party, or attend some social event? Do you think this improves your chances of meeting someone? Has it been a distraction from exploring things with someone special?

When does going out and partying too much become a red flag for you?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

291 comments Add your comment

For Real

October 7th, 2011
11:03 am

What up Blog Fam!

I believe people to need to be upfront and honest about who they are and what they will and will not do. Then let the other person decide for themselves if they want the red or blue pill.

In the words of Morpheus:

“You take the blue pill – the story ends, you wake up in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe. You take the red pill – you stay in Wonderland and I show you how deep the rabbit-hole goes.”

Kimmie: You ready for Breaking Bad’s ending?

The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior

October 7th, 2011
11:03 am

@Cel,Kimmie, SC

I’m not getting into a back and forth, but I’ll say this and end mine:

I’m not talking about the (specific) activity, simply the time alone once in a while.

Celisea

October 7th, 2011
11:04 am

For the second dude….

I was headed to the track up in Smyrna and he approaching coming from the opposite direction. I spotted him, married as ever now before he saw me. Windows down, cleaned up, roof opened, looking fly. Now you may say that all harmless. Possibly, possibly not. I was he was scavaging. He was looking at himself in the mirror and looking to see who was looking at him. When he spotted me, he beckoned me to pull over. The expression on my face was like :| really?? I didn’t have to say a word. All he could say was “what” and proceeded to explain. I dind’t say a word…nothing. All he could do was laugh. It’s not funny but I’m like really man….really?

Exactly SexyC – Even if you’re innocently just “hanging out”…keep looking for trouble it will find you.

Leggs

October 7th, 2011
11:05 am

“They were either glued to the bar or holding the wall up. Most either looked like dirty old men or just sad.”

Haven’t been to Bigelows is many, many years, but this is exactly the clientele that goes there. On the flip side, you have overweight women in tight fitting outfits looking like sausage oozing out of their clothes.

I love to dance and I think I’ve been to a club twice this year. Every blue moon, it’s cool to go and dance (if you know how to dance). To go just to stand around is sad.

SexyCool

October 7th, 2011
11:07 am

Dan – EVERYbody needs time alone with some regularity, not even just once in a while, but you seemed to be saying that we would cosign someone hanging out all the time simply because she was the sole provider. Not the case.

So…with your follow up point, perhaps we share a similar view on this issue.

Randyt (aka...DON'T HAVE ONE OF THESE T SHIRTS)

October 7th, 2011
11:07 am

I have to disagree with your premise, Dan, re the cat who did his thing because he was the sole provider. Relationships, and especially marriage, imply a commitment. There is a difference between ‘alone time” and “party time”. I think where the line is drawn lies in the realm of the “social interraction” encountered in the “alone time”. All games have implied or specified “fouls”. That is where the line is drawn. IMHO

SexyCool

October 7th, 2011
11:08 am

“On the flip side, you have overweight women in tight fitting outfits looking like sausage oozing out of their clothes.”

LMAO…but so true…

The time or two in the past year or so that I have been to a “club” withOUT TheDude always makes me really glad to get home to him. (lol)

2CPTG

October 7th, 2011
11:08 am

’sup…..

“When does going out and partying too much become a red flag for you?”

….when she says, “I do”……til then, all’s fair in love, and war……

SexyCool

October 7th, 2011
11:09 am

Good point, T-shirts! :) How are you fairing this day, my friend?

For Real

October 7th, 2011
11:11 am

So ladies do you think it’s okay for a married person to flirt?

Celisea

October 7th, 2011
11:12 am

Exactly Randyt – Heck I’m happy when my kid finds an outlet because that creates time for me…me time. Of course I have to make sure there are dependable adults chaperoning and what not and the venue or activity is one that’s not harmful….but I’M SCREAMING AND YELLING AND JUMPING UP AND DOWN GLAD GLAD GLAD, when I can get some time for myself…lol Now, to be a husband and carrying a household, of course you need it. Doesn’t justify slumming though.

Celisea

October 7th, 2011
11:13 am

For Real – No. Harmless or not…just leave that kind of stuff off if you’re married.

Randyt (aka...DON'T HAVE ONE OF THESE T SHIRTS)

October 7th, 2011
11:13 am

@SC…well, better than I deserve for sure. Back in ATL for at least a few weeks (subject to change if my company needs a fire put out here or in Europe and tells me to buy a ticket and take what I need for weeks away). Life is good. ;-)

For Real

October 7th, 2011
11:15 am

Leggs: You ain’t lying about Bigelows. My cousin dragged me to that place and everyone in there knew I didn’t belong in that place. They couldn’t tell if I was a cop, child support collector or a stripper.

Cel: Both dudes are wrong for pissing on their marriage and their wives are wrong too but if they like it I love it.

SexyCool

October 7th, 2011
11:15 am

Glad to hear it.

Leggs

October 7th, 2011
11:15 am

Well stated, Randyt.

kimmie

October 7th, 2011
11:16 am

4 Real – I am SO Ready!! But kinda sad too, cause I look forward to the show. Hey, we watched this new show the other night called Homeland. I think it was on Showtime. About this guy that was a POW/MIA in Iraq for 8 years. The marines find him and he comes home. This lady that I think works for FBI is trying to see if he was brainwashed and turned over any secrets while in captivity. She has issues herself, on anti-psychotic drugs. The guy comes back home to a wife & kids that have sort of moved on cause he hasnt’ been around for 8 years.

It is good!

The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior

October 7th, 2011
11:16 am

@Randy

Please see follow up.

I’m speaking from a son’s perspective. I sent my mom’s on plenty of trips when I was able – she been out of the country more than me. In part, because I saw those nights at home alone with two kids – “hey, there’s a play/concert/trip I wanna go on” Me: “here.”

As stated in the follow up, I wasn’t commenting on the chosen activity, just the [well deserved] time.

disco

October 7th, 2011
11:19 am

re sexy cool’s comment re getting home to the dude after the club – I have long been of the opinion that the best part of the club was the “get some” after the club. if you take that out of the equation (and, as a single woman who is way past hookups, I take it out of the equation) clubbing loses so much of it’s appeal. recently I having a good time “car dancing” on a long drive to my reggae ipod play list. all I could think about was how much fun it would be to hit a reggae club and knock back a few drinks and end the evening with a good “break off”. of course – there are no reggae clubs where I live but it was a good fantasy for a short time.

Celisea

October 7th, 2011
11:20 am

…..off the “off topic”

Da man is still here. Thought he’d be gone already. He’s been over twice this morning…only to let me know he’ll be back…later.

Leggs

October 7th, 2011
11:21 am

@ForReal ~ I feel you. There are truly some characters up in that joint. Much like Marcos back in the day. I was early 20’s, so the cat daddies there made me very uncomfortable. Heck, they looked like old farts to me then. If I rolled up to a club with a bunch of 20, 30 year olds, I guess I would like one too.

As far as the flirting goes, NO. A married man or even a man in a committed relationship should not be flirting with anyone other than their mate. Sure, there are many levels to flirting, but the best definition is if you’re not comfortable doing it while in the presence of your mate, then you’re flirting (and being disrespectful).

kimmie

October 7th, 2011
11:21 am

Some have the “I don’t have a ring on my finger yet” attitude when it comes to certain behaviors not condusive to a committed relationship. I truly believe you have to be “married” in your head before any papers are signed or vows taken. Some things just don’t get turned off like a fountain the day of your wedding.

SexyCool

October 7th, 2011
11:22 am

And unfortunately, this situation occurs often. I see it all the time in my coed softball league. People who are married but you NEVER see their spouse.

Since TheDude and I closed on the house and began wedding planning, I play ball a lot less. And even with my running group, while there are opportunities to run with them at least six days a week, I typically only go once a week.

Besides, both of us prefer to enjoy leisurely activities that we can participate in together. We like each others’ company just that much.

Randyt (aka...DON'T HAVE ONE OF THESE T SHIRTS)

October 7th, 2011
11:22 am

I know what you were saying, Dan. I think trust and alone time are essential in a relationship and you have always struck me as a person of honor, as indicated by what yu just wrote. I was more concerned about the attitude of the dude. It may have been entirely honorable also, but I just sensed that he might be defending or justifying “extracurricular” activities.

What you wrote is good.

For Real

October 7th, 2011
11:22 am

Cel: Do you think dressing sexy is flirting?

Kimmie: I agree. I go through withdrawal when that show stops. That new show sounds interesting. I like my show to include all aspects of life othewise I find the characters unbelievable.

Celisea

October 7th, 2011
11:25 am

I don’t think flirting is all that bad as I think as humans we tend to do that naturally. Sometimes in passing there’s a flicker and that’s okay if it’s more than likely you won’t cross paths again. I think intentional efforts to keep it going or once a flicker has been “felt”, with someone that’s a constant around you or you closely interact shold be off limits. IMO, it becomes intentional which at that point becomes something of possibly crossing lines.

Celisea

October 7th, 2011
11:27 am

For Real – Sexy? No. Sleazy/trashy? Yep. I think you would have to define sexy. IMO, sexy is a well fitted suite that hangs to a tee and sexy shows. I think T & A hanging out all over the place is trashy and inappropriate.

For Real

October 7th, 2011
11:27 am

Leggs: Does same go for women?

Kimmie: “I truly believe you have to be “married” in your head before any papers are signed or vows taken.” – That’s the only place marriage truely counts. Paper, religion or kids cannot keep a couple a couple together.

Leggs

October 7th, 2011
11:28 am

guess I wokuld LOOK like one too….

Celisea

October 7th, 2011
11:28 am

shoes…now show. Or a nicely laid maxy (sp) dress that enhances your figure is sexy. Nipples showing and butt hanging every which way ain’t cute

Leggs

October 7th, 2011
11:28 am

@ForReal ~ YEP.

kimmie

October 7th, 2011
11:29 am

4 Real – Absolutely

CmonSeriously

October 7th, 2011
11:30 am

To quote Hackers, spandex is a priviledge, not a right

Leggs

October 7th, 2011
11:30 am

Where did that “k” come from?

Celisea

October 7th, 2011
11:30 am

How come it feels like For Real’s questions are the bread crumbs trail that leads to the lion’s den???

Randyt (aka...DON'T HAVE ONE OF THESE T SHIRTS)

October 7th, 2011
11:31 am

Not sure where I stand on the flirting. It has hit me recently that I hardly notice other women when I am involved. That has not always been the case.

It sort of falls under the umbrella of “what is right for the goose, is right for the gander”.. Not a bad idea once in awhile in a moment of fleeting “intrigue” to say to oneself, “How would I feel about my significant other doing exactly what I am doing right now???”. That one question should give you the clearest indication of what is appropriate, and what isn’t.

For Real

October 7th, 2011
11:33 am

Cel: Are you changing your NO? I agree that flirting is as natural as breathing is for humans. Which is why I asked the question about the sexy clothes. We all want to look good and feel good regardless if we are married. Also, we all want to be desired by the opposite sex hence the reason for dressing sexy for women and brushing our teeth for men.

No sexy vs trashy is relative

For Real now letting Cel take a gander at his gators + black dress socks + short set = sexy

CmonSeriously

October 7th, 2011
11:34 am

Really depends on who you are flirting with.

Celisea

October 7th, 2011
11:35 am

suit suit suit…not suite

For Real

October 7th, 2011
11:35 am

Funny Cel, I just read your 11:30. You don’t trust me? Nevermind don’t answer that.

kimmie

October 7th, 2011
11:35 am

4 Real – You better quit, getting the ladies all hot and bothered with that short set & dress socks! And the gators just take it to a whole nother level!! :lol:

Celisea

October 7th, 2011
11:37 am

For Real – Not on the fence but not a hard no. Like I said, some things are natural but it’s only “natural” unless you make it or it becomes an effort or intentional. If I pass a dude in the store and he catches my eye or vice versa, a quick glance? Okay. If I go back there again and again and again or vice versa and he’s committed/married and me the same, naw that’s just wrong.

Leggs

October 7th, 2011
11:37 am

I’m laughing at you and myself, Celisea.

Celisea

October 7th, 2011
11:38 am

For Real – LOL at you leading us into the lion’s den and the hawt short set accompanied by gators.

SexyCool

October 7th, 2011
11:38 am

Are the socks knee-high or mid-calf? Mid-calf is sexxxxxxyyyyy!!!

Celisea

October 7th, 2011
11:39 am

Leggs – Ever get the feeling you shouldn’t be doing something? That’s how I felt after question number 2…LOLOLOL

For Real

October 7th, 2011
11:39 am

Kimmie: “And the gators just take it to a whole nother level!!” YEAHHHHH BOYYYYYYYYYY!!!!
You thought I was done but I guess you didn’t see the mushrooms on my belt huh?

For Real does a little James Brown and flashes Kimmie his belt.

kimmie

October 7th, 2011
11:40 am

:lol: :lol: :lol:

I know these folks think I’m crazy in here today!

The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior

October 7th, 2011
11:41 am

@Randy T – thanks

About flirting: apparently, I’ve been involved in several “attempts” and “exchanges” of flirtatious behavior – according to the wife.

I don’t notice attempts to flirt with me, don’t know when I’m doing it, so it’s really in the eye of the beholder.

SlimUno

October 7th, 2011
11:41 am