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Do you know what you want?

I am often surprised at the people I see coupled up – in a good way. Many of the happiest couples I know tell me that when they first met their mate, they had no idea they would end up with them. In other words, if they had been looking for their so called type – they would not have found their significant other.

So it makes me wonder if we actually know what we want? When we can not predict attraction, chemistry, or who we fall for, why do we rule out potential people because of baggage?

The really confusing part is when someone adamantly states they aren’t interested in XYZ type but somehow ends up with the carbon copy of XYZ. What does that mean about our dating choices – good and bad?

Are we deciding who to date based on what we think/say we want or is it much more random?

When someone asks what you are seeking in a mate, do you tell them? Are you describing someone that you have met in the past or is it a fictional character that can’t ever exist in the real world?

How realistic are we when it comes to what we want in a mate?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

225 comments Add your comment

CmonSeriously

October 6th, 2011
8:20 am

That’s kinda personal, don’t ya think :)

MamaZ

October 6th, 2011
8:21 am

GM Everyones
Look lil Diva girl, you have start gettin to work on time…you got folks waiting for you.

AJ

October 6th, 2011
8:39 am

I think most people have this fairy tale idea of the perfect person that they want as a mate. The problem is this – how can you want a perfect person when you aren’t perfect yourself. Some people are not willing to acknoledge their own flaws, but are quick to rule a person out as a potential mate because of a perceived flaw…

Randyt aka Been There, Done That, Have a Closet FULL of T-Shirts

October 6th, 2011
8:44 am

“How realistic are we when it comes to what we want in a mate?”

This is a tough question to answer without coming across as shallow…and probably am. I am not afraid to describe what I am looking for, but only in general terms. I strongly suspect that those who have long “precision like” lists are probably setting themselves up for disappointment.

There are some things I have a hard time ignoring. I like a pretty face, reasonably attractive body (under size 12 and over size 2), a heart that shows the person is not completely self-absorbed, intelligent and somewhat independent, but vulnerable, age appropriate. Beyond these, things can be in a “workout range”.

In a pinch, I can always fall back on the following:

“I’ll look and look, until I find, the girl I’m looking for…
She’s deaf and dumb and oversexed, and owns a liquor store”.

Oh and apparently sane must not be a criteria if the sheer number of crazy women I find are any indication ;-)

Randyt aka Been There, Done That, Have a Closet FULL of T-Shirts

October 6th, 2011
8:47 am

…or 8 to 88, and less than 8 days dead.

kimmie

October 6th, 2011
8:50 am

Steve Jobs – Rest in Peace. Well done!

CmonSeriously

October 6th, 2011
8:50 am

Not crazy is a plus, however that narrows my search to near 0%, so what level of crazy can I tolerate would be a better way of putting it.

Ron Burgundy

October 6th, 2011
8:56 am

I know I should say I want a girl with a good personaility but I am going to go with large breats and a tight waste.

Figment

October 6th, 2011
9:00 am

When asked what I looked for in a mate I never listed physical traits. I was more concerned with personality traits. Not that the physical isn’t important, but I was always open to date someone taller or shorter, thinner or heavier, etc. It’s still important to have physical attraction but I find what is inside matters most. Looks can change more readily than personality.

Fion

October 6th, 2011
9:01 am

why do we rule out potential people because of baggage?

Aye baby, if you old enough we all have a little baggage. I draw the line when you show up with a full set of Samsonite.

Button

October 6th, 2011
9:02 am

Good morning, while there are a lot of things that I want in a mate, and they don’t always match up to what I actually need in a mate. I NEED a man who love and fear the Lord, who is respectful, trustworthy,family oriented and last but certianly not least, good at communicating. Now if I can get what I need and some of what I want which is a man who is financially sound with excellent credit, knows how to fix everything, has the height/weight requirements that fit my specification and all the other physical specification that can rock my world then I’m cool. But having what I need is the most important to me.

Katie

October 6th, 2011
9:02 am

Ron, it is “breasts” and “waist”. May I recommend a dictionary, spell checker, or an education.

Ron Bur

October 6th, 2011
9:03 am

Enter your comments here

The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior

October 6th, 2011
9:04 am

They say that a man doesn’t know himself, until he knows the type of woman he wants (I would say the same holds true for women).

I’ve known for quite awhile what I wanted in a woman >>CORNY ALERT<< and it was, the lady that turned out to be my wife.

You can find bits and pieces – personality, body, temperament – in everyone you date, but finding (most of) it is the best thing you can hope for.

And @CS, that includes the "crazy you can live with." <– old family saying

Ron Burgundy

October 6th, 2011
9:04 am

sorry Katie….I am out of it this morning. Got a little tipsy lst night….of course you know what I meant though. The breast that doth hang from me ladies chest.

czBrat

October 6th, 2011
9:05 am

HiYas!

well. i know what i LIKE, but i’m ok if my mr. right is not every bit of what i find aesthetically pleasing. as for what i want, and will not compromise, yes. i do know. i want to be with someone who respects and appreciates me. not too much to ask. not at all. according to me, of course. :)

CmonSeriously

October 6th, 2011
9:13 am

Crazy that I can live with……I too don’t need a gorgeous girl, more a girl that appreciates the effort I go through to make her happy, lets me take a nap when I get home from a long day at work and doesn’t mind watching tv in bed until we fall asleep.

kimmie

October 6th, 2011
9:17 am

Morning! Home from work today

Hey there Dan! I’m blessed to have everything I wanted in my husband.

I never had a precise list ever. Just the basics. A few dealbreakers. Other than that, been open to what life brought me. Never had to settle or compromise on basics and dealbreakers. What I needed was always pretty in line with what I wanted. Just took me awhile to find him.

Foxy

October 6th, 2011
9:23 am

Foxy thinks you don’t know what your type is until you meet him/her. Everone can have a list of attributes but we have no control over how its packaged and delivered. Just stay open enough to know it when it shows up.

kimmie

October 6th, 2011
9:31 am

Cmon – A lot of the regulars have been on this blog over the years and shared their experiences along the way. Dan & I are recent marrieds. So even though it’s called a dating blog, it’s probably more like a relationship and current events discussion blog.

Leggs

October 6th, 2011
9:32 am

Good morning.

@Figment ~ I agree. I don’t list physical traits either. I’m more concerned with the content of their character. Well, let me not lie. The one physical trait that turns me off is a big ole jiggly stomach. You know the one that looks like he has hernia. I’m not gorgeous so I’m not looking for gorgeous. I’m attracted to a confident, respectful man.

Sleazy Man

October 6th, 2011
9:36 am

Hey sleazy gals, I have sleazy tatts all over my body, hows about a date—if you like sleaze that is. Oh, you have sleazy tatts also? Then you and I should hang out.

Mr. Unknown

October 6th, 2011
9:37 am

Uhh ok, Interesting crowd we have this morning. Good morning, ya’ll!!

I hate to answer this question when asked by a potential person of interest. It seems that if someone really likes you they may change who they are to fit the type of person that you date. That is when you start dating their rep instead of the real person. I generally give just a broad description of my type, Grounded, loves family, loves god, the ability to cook(George foreman grill is not cooking, woman fooled me with that one), and wants kids. I never go into detail, besides I always thought when someone asked me that question it was because they are possibly insecure!! Maybe its just me.

Kellibean

October 6th, 2011
9:38 am

I’m still learning every day what I want from a relationship. I have settled for too little in the past (and present). I’ve come to some realizations lately that I want more. The most important things are respect, honesty, and consideration. I want a man who is willing to fight to keep me. I learned long ago that there is no Prince Charming, unfortunately.

Dave

October 6th, 2011
9:40 am

I would surely love a gorgeous woman with a great body that is grounded, smart and mentally stable, but…..*snicker….sorry, but I’m cracking myself up. Back to reality…

It’s just that gorgeous women are so much dad gum trouble….

oneofeach4me

October 6th, 2011
9:44 am

We all have an idea at what we are looking for. Physical is what comes first because it is what attracts us to the person in the first place. THEN, once we talk to them we can decide whether or not they have the “traits” of what we want. I unfortunately was raised to look for my “night in shining armor” and needless to say I got a rude awakening. It’s sort of like what Dan said.. about the crazy you can live with. Everyone has their issues and baggage, it all comes down to who’s issues and baggage you can tolerate the most.

HST

October 6th, 2011
9:45 am

I am very realistic in my view of who I date. My only qualifications is that she has be collegiate, have a career, be a girly girl, independent and confident. I guess my one quirk would be a woman’s purse. I like to see a name brand (Hermes, LV, Gucci, Marc Jacobs & such) and I NEVER wan’t to see their purse be sat on the ground.

I am easy on the eyes and financially independent; therefore, I meet lots of women and sometimes get stereotyped. I’ve learned how to deal with it and just move on accordingly. I take a lot of time with my appearance and expect the same out my intimate GFs. I DO NOT expect her to have my level of fitness…time has taught me that.

Lately, I’ve been dating heavier women (say size 6-10 and usually 5′8). Other than a few or more extra pounds, these women usually fit with what I want in a woman. Of course, like any woman that I like or any woman that would be into me, they’re gonna be high maintenance. It seems, as I get older, I’m finding only heavier women who are on level with my wants. These women really have it together and are very confident.

I have left my XYZ body type and went to my basic qualification type. I haven’t had a boring night in a long time. I really enjoy being mentally stimulated rather than just my penis.

Luckily for me, I don’t need to speak my qualifications to a woman because they’re completely present or not. Most or the women I do date feel that I’d never would of talked to them. My friends don’t understand why I don’t date the hot 20 somethings that are attracted to me (I’m late in my 30’s). I don’t understand why their so immature and how they don’t figure out why they’re perpetually alone.

It’s odd because people out here constantly talk about the bad choices they made/make in significant others. Go for your core wants and you’ll be very happy no matter their shortcomings naked. Even if that means teaching that person how to be good in bed. Think about it, where would we be sexually if it weren’t for the lessons we were taught.

czBrat

October 6th, 2011
9:58 am

if someone really likes you they may change who they are to fit the type of person that you date.
that is so ugh! i used to think it was a youth thing, but i’ve met grown folk who do this sort of thing. can you please, PLEASE just be yourself!!

It’s just that gorgeous women are so much dad gum trouble….
and well worth it :wink:
seriously, you know one of my fave sayings is “just remember. no matter how beautiful she may be, she’s single because someone else got tired of her sh!t.” words to live by.

Sassy Me..Sun Kissed ;-)

October 6th, 2011
9:59 am

I’ve been dating heavier women (say size 6-10 and usually 5′8).

:shock:

So umm heavier is a size 6-10…wow. At least you found what you like and goody for you.

This should be interesting today I just hope it doesn’t turn into a (wo)man bashing convo..

CmonSeriously

October 6th, 2011
10:04 am

Ok, I don’t want a woman I constantly am fighting to impress, I don’t remember who made that statement, but it comes off as if you aren’t constantly fighting for me, then I will find someone else. Sounds like a statement of a person that can’t and is unwilling to commit.

Deeva4Life

October 6th, 2011
10:09 am

Sassy Me…Sun Kissed ;) – I was thinking the same thing. I mean, I’m a size 8 and I’ve never considered that to be “heavier”. But hey, as you stated, to each his own…

SexyCool

October 6th, 2011
10:13 am

Yes. I did and we found each other and every day, I am thankful.

DJ Sniper

October 6th, 2011
10:15 am

This has got to be the first time I’ve seen a guy care about what kind of bag a woman carries.

Figment

October 6th, 2011
10:15 am

@HST – heavier is not a size 6-10, that’s smaller than the average size woman.

@Leggs – I can understand about the belly. I can’t say that just that would be enough to turn me off completely from considering a date, if it’s just a big belly. Weight can be lost, though it takes time and dedication.

Realistically

October 6th, 2011
10:16 am

To some little men, a 6 – 10 is heavier.

SexyCool

October 6th, 2011
10:18 am

Actually, Leggs…you are gorgeous.

SlimUno

October 6th, 2011
10:18 am

strolling in all late and issssssh

Morning all…

I think a person should at least have the basic foundation of what they want/need in a partner i.e Respect, love, etc…and let the powers of the universe fill in the rest. I would not want a Stepford Husband where I would put all the WANT ingredients in a pot and out pops the perfect guy. Sometimes the quirks of a person is what makes them unique/special.

Leggs

October 6th, 2011
10:20 am

@Figment ~ I prefer not one with a big belly. Been there, done that, and all that flab was cumbersome at best. My preference is not date a may right out the gate with a big belly. If it grows during our dating, we will work it off, but I’d rather not start out with one. Heck, I may meet a guy I’m attracted to but he doens’t like my peanut shaped head. It could be a turnoff for him. We all have things we don’t want to deal with.

czBrat

October 6th, 2011
10:25 am

lol @ realistically. i was just thinking that we don’t know what kind of tonnage ounceage HST is working with. to a featherweight a size 6-10 chick is pretty thick.

The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior

October 6th, 2011
10:26 am

What always struck me was, talking to some single (fe)male friends of mine, I’d always know who was “ready” by the way they described their ideal mate.

When it started with the physical, I knew they weren’t ready.

That physical fades – even for the best of us – but the core of person doesn’t change. That’s what you’re gonna deal with day in and day out.

CmonSeriously

October 6th, 2011
10:30 am

Dan-Physical does matter after while, if you get together and he/she gains 100 lbs that makes a big difference, especially for us dudes.

Yello

October 6th, 2011
10:30 am

My “type” is all about character, assuming first that he’s bright. Seriously. Is he kindhearted? Thoughtful? Honest? Loyal? Does he treat his children well? Is he respectful? etc etc.

They physical is secondary. That doesn’t mean it isn’t a factor –it is– but it IS secondary. So if you have fine character and weigh 400 lbs, it isn’t going to happen. But if you have a little extra weight, or you aren’t as tall as I’d like, or whatever, I can work with that.

HST sounds like the kind of guy I would never date. I’ll just put my non-designer bag on the floor now.

Ron Burgundy

October 6th, 2011
10:32 am

My ideal girl is sensitive, caring, funny and has knockers that you can motorboat til the cows come home.

Leggs

October 6th, 2011
10:33 am

@SexyC ~ awwww shucks, I’m smiling from ear to ear….thank you ma’am.

Sassy Me..Sun Kissed ;-)

October 6th, 2011
10:33 am

to a featherweight a size 6-10 chick is pretty thick.

True that cz…cuz I’m a size 10 and if that’s thick to somebody then one must wonder what they’re

ounceage working with…but at least they’re happy with it and that’s all that matters.

Exiled!

October 6th, 2011
10:34 am

@Foxy said…’u don’t know ur type until u meet her/him….list of attributes but we don’t know how it’s packaged and delivered!’

Me thinks Foxy speaks Nothing but the Absolute Truth!

good morning blogettes!

Leggs

October 6th, 2011
10:36 am

O/T ~ did any of you see the video or even know about the father who may be facing 10 years for whupping his son’s behind? Frank and Wanda was talking about it this morning, but I caught the tail end and didn’t really know the gist of convo was about. I just saw the video and that father did absolutely NOTHING wrong! Well, if he sent his son to school with that clown haircut…..other than that. He did was a parent should do. If more and more stepped up and disciplined, perhaps we wouldn’t have some many coddled young men walking amongst us!

Jude

October 6th, 2011
10:36 am

@Realistically
10:16 am
To some little men, a 6 – 10 is heavier.

bet that’s HST

Leggs

October 6th, 2011
10:37 am

I’m apologize, it’s only 10:37. I shouldn’t have put an O/T out there so early. I’m just HAWT over this.

Exiled!

October 6th, 2011
10:39 am

Lol!!!!!!

@ u know! For that comment

Lol

mute!