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City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP

Are men in trouble?

I read CNN’s opinion piece by William Bennett called “Why Men Are in Trouble” and it made me think hard about men. In the article, Bennett outlines why he thinks men today are not showing strong signs of grasping what being a man is about.

It’s interesting that Bennett addresses a lack of maturity that he thinks is a big part of the problem. To wit:

“Just ask young women about men today. You will find them talking about prolonged adolescence and men who refuse to grow up. I’ve heard too many young women asking, “Where are the decent single men?” There is a maturity deficit among men out there, and men are falling behind.”

If men are in trouble, what does this mean for the future of our dating relationships?

Do you agree that men are not stepping up to the plate in their transition from boys to men?

Another thing that stood out in the article is the fact that Bennett sited a “decline in virtues” that men are showing less success/interest in work, marriage, and religion. Would you agree?

Do you think men are in trouble?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

373 comments Add your comment

SexyCool

October 5th, 2011
11:30 am

kimmie – I understand your point. However, I am not of the belief that maturity is tied to age. Maturity is tied to experience. And THAT is tied to your ability to accept the responsibilities of being an ADULT.

I would say of a 35 year old making questionable decisions that they lack a certain maturity. Not that they are young.

CmonSeriously

October 5th, 2011
11:30 am

Amen Kimmie, grow up, get a job, move out, start a family, provide for them, give your parents grand kids. Is that not what we all heard growing up, that seems like a pretty simple concept.

Mike P

October 5th, 2011
11:30 am

Good Morning all,

Are MEN in trouble? NOPE!!!
Men, real men will always rise to the top, no matter what. If we see what we truly desire, nothing,save GOD himself, is gonna stop us from claiming it. We don’t need women to be Men. We’re Men whether in a relationship or not, We’re Men even when there aren’t women in our presence, we’re Men even if we’re surrounded by children (masquerading as adults). We’re Men even when its’ “un-cool, or unpopular to be the Man. Here me blog People!! “ain’t no woman, child, image magazines, or governmental public policy is gonna take my Man-hood (awesome power from GOD).

Are boys in trouble?
Yes, because boys need their fathers (men at the head of the family). Unfortunately many younger women today are choosing to have se xual relationships with boys or choosing single parenthood these days, adding to the problem.

Are little girls in trouble? Yes!
When they grow up as adults, they’re have to deal with even-more sissified boys in the future.

Are WOMEN in trouble? YES!!!
Well, Since they keeping saying they can’t find “good, decent” Men.

Is society at large in trouble?
Yes, since our society needed the family unit, since its not getting it, its coping poorly and will probably morph into something unrecognizable to us today.

Men need to choose better, stop chasing after women who only seeks to be with irresponsible boys.

Women need to choose better too, stop selecting irresponsible boys hoping you can change him into a real man by having his child(ren).

kimmie

October 5th, 2011
11:32 am

SCool – I see your point and agree.

Leggs

October 5th, 2011
11:32 am

“Leggs – A lot of men’s bad choices put them in the messes they are in too”

Most definitely, most definitely.

Ron Burgundy

October 5th, 2011
11:33 am

AMEN MIKE P. Until women stop haiving ftaherless kids we are doomed!

Yes!!!!

October 5th, 2011
11:34 am

There are some great posts on here, thanks for all the insights!!!

Leggs

October 5th, 2011
11:36 am

@MikeP ~ your post was making a lot of sense until you said YES for women being in trouble and NO for men. Again, “real” women are not in trouble and we don’t need a man to tell us how to be a Woman!

Mike P

October 5th, 2011
11:37 am

To quote someone on this blog everyone stop your fussing, all your whining, complaining, and always pulling that “victim” card. If you claim to be a real Man, then be a man with honor in all that you do. Don’t concern yourself too much with what others are doing, least of all, don’t complain about it.

Celisea

October 5th, 2011
11:38 am

Purple/Exiled – It is reality. People shouldn’t whine and complain when consequences come and you’ve contributed to the problem. No people are not going to have sex. But rather than assuming folks won’t listen how about getting it said first. Most young people aren’t told or showed anything because we assume they won’t listen. They might not but if you tell them, THEN who’s fault is it. If you don’t give them the tools they need to navigate in life who’s fault is it there?

Let’s say (either of) you get a woman pregnant outside of your marriage? Who’s to blame? Yeah, that woman will get called all kinds of names…ho, homewrecker adultress so forth and so on. But being the adult and fully aware of certain outcomes, would you simply not opt to pass on a potential bomb? Seems to me that’s easier than sneaking, lying, producing…all because you just wanted to.

Celisea

October 5th, 2011
11:41 am

Ron Burgundy

October 5th, 2011
11:43 am

Is it immature to ask girls if their carpet matches their drapes?

Mike P

October 5th, 2011
11:43 am

@Leggs: I was referring to the complainers, because as it has been stated here before, real women don’t have trouble finding real men, if they can’t find someone its because they’re not ready (recent breakup, etc.) You agreed on a previous post that women, real Women don’t complain about lack of available men, real Men.
addendum…
Real Men attracts Real Women
Real Women attracts Real Men.
Fake, half-azzed attracts fake, half-azzed.

Celisea

October 5th, 2011
11:43 am

Mike P – We don’t need women to be Men.

I agree here. I agree with your entire post…I think :)

Celisea

October 5th, 2011
11:44 am

Your 11:30 post is what I’m agreeing with.

Leggs

October 5th, 2011
11:44 am

“Until women stop haiving ftaherless kids we are doomed!” – most idiotic statement of the morning.

Ron Burgundy

October 5th, 2011
11:44 am

Ron Burgundy

October 5th, 2011
11:45 am

Leggs….were unwed mothers forcd to have sex? I mean men are instinctive creautures. Our DNA tells us to spill our seed. its the womans responsibility to be level headed and wait until marriage or maybe just take a pill.

Leggs

October 5th, 2011
11:45 am

Understood, MikeP.

OSHH

October 5th, 2011
11:46 am

@ Dan, your first comment@ 8:46 is the WHOLE TRUTH!

People confuse religion, with a personal relationship and intimacy and knowledge of GOD.

Ron Burgundy

October 5th, 2011
11:47 am

Leggs – why is it idiotic to say women having fatherless kids is leading to our doom. I mean look at our country….its lead by a fatherless man!

Celisea

October 5th, 2011
11:47 am

No conciousness, no awareness, no selflessness, no Godliness…

Leggs

October 5th, 2011
11:48 am

#RB ~” were unwed mothers forcd to have sex?” Probably the case for some.

“men are instinctive creautures. Our DNA tells us to spill our seed’ – So, is your DNA saying that you are a spineless, irreponsible twit to spread your seed without a care about the offspring you may be producing. Heck, that’s probably why you’re sitting there with those 2 blowup dolls. You don’t need to procreate…

Celisea

October 5th, 2011
11:49 am

Leggs – Don’t do it…he’s been muted the entire morning. You just gave him sound.

Ron Burgundy

October 5th, 2011
11:49 am

Leggs – leave Suzy and Savannah out of this!!!!!!

Leggs

October 5th, 2011
11:49 am

Guess what, all the children have fathers, but many do not have daddies!

CmonSeriously

October 5th, 2011
11:49 am

I think there are a lot of people that don’t need to procreate, unfortunately those are the ones doing it more than anyone else.

Leggs

October 5th, 2011
11:49 am

I know Celisea, I know!!! I’m done. Sheesh.

Tom

October 5th, 2011
11:50 am

Men behave badly, and so do women. Young people think they can go out and sleep with whoever and you are just “test driving the car” before you buy it. They are using sex as a tool to make themselves feel better. Physical looks are important, sure. But the best itimacy will come in marriage.

It comes back to personality and mindset.

I was in a cupcake shop getting a cupcake for my wife. There was a young girl behind me who was probably 20-something being very obnoxious. I thought to myself, “who would want to listen to that every day?”

Guys can be the same way.

Guys, you gotta stand up and act appropriately. GOOD women will find you.

CmonSeriously

October 5th, 2011
11:52 am

Tom you are right, but you still gotta put your self out there

Purple Reign

October 5th, 2011
11:54 am

Celisea, bad example. I did not get a woman pregnant until I was married. I said promote safe sex and protection because it’s a harder battle to get people to remain absitinent. I am speaking of adults not school age children. I don’t have random kids nor do I have kids outside of marriage so the way I figured is that I did it the right way and that was by practicing prevention.

CmonSeriously

October 5th, 2011
11:58 am

That is a big problem nowadays too, kids having kids, without ever learning to be men or women, kids being raised by grandparents, because the biological parents won’t do it.

Ron Burgundy

October 5th, 2011
11:58 am

I think test should be given out to people before they are allowed to procreate.

Can you pay your rent? No
What percentage of your income is spent on cigs and lottloe tickets? 50%
Have you ever been arrested for trashing a MacDonalds? Yes
Do you smoke weed out of a coke can? Yes

FAIL!

GracieL

October 5th, 2011
12:00 pm

Many women are enabling the bad behavior because they don’t want to be alone. I see men in their 40s and 50s even who want/need a “mommy” to handle the grown up stuff in their lives because it’s too hard. I see women so desperate to couple up that they meet a man who’s down and whining after a divorce/job loss/rehab, etc., and jump right in there solving his problems for him. The result: these don’t even try to stand on their own to feet. Why should they? No, thanks.

CmonSeriously

October 5th, 2011
12:02 pm

Amen Ron
Do you not wear condoms because you assume she is always on birth control-Yes
Did you ever get out of the 6th grade-No
Do you enjoy “the jersey shore”-Yes

FAIL

Purple Reign

October 5th, 2011
12:02 pm

What is with all of the finger pointing and excuses/reasons. Just think before you act.

Leggs

October 5th, 2011
12:03 pm

O/T ~ anybody see DWTS last night and saw Chubby Checker’s performance. Man those jeans were so tight he could barely move. Whoever let him come on stage with those jeans on should be fired.

And, they’re saying Nancy Grace pooted. I didn’t hear it (lol).

i'm swiss™

October 5th, 2011
12:03 pm

Howdy folks. Wish I could stick around, but I did want to make one quick comment:

“Most young people aren’t told or showed anything because we assume they won’t listen.”

C — I have to disagree here. I would say that kids in the U.S. are told to abstain more than kids anywhere else in the western world. We are the most religious of all the western world, and yet we still have the highest teen pregnancy rates among the western world. Seems clear that the “abstinence only” approach simply isn’t effective.

Clearly, we would all prefer that our kids abstain. But teaching them only that pre-marital sex is immoral or sinful, only serves to add a greater stigma to the act. Now, having pre-marital sex can be done very secretively. But having sex responsibly requires taking more visible steps — purchasing condoms, birth control pills, etc. The stigma we place on pre-marital sex doesn’t significantly decrease the likelihood of kids having sex. But it does decrease the likelihood that they will take the more visible, proactive steps to approach sex responsibly. And it certainly decreases the likelihood that kids will feel comfortable coming to their parents with questions.

I think we need to find a better way of communicating the benefits of abstinence without placing undue stigma on those who choose not to abstain. Because if they make the latter choice, we would at least like for them to feel secure enough to take steps to be as safe as possible.

But that’s just my $0.02.

Gotta run, but I’ll try to check back in later.

Tom

October 5th, 2011
12:05 pm

Its a generational progression.

A. Young girls can be taught 1 of 2 things. Either fend for yourself b/c men are dogs, or you don’t have to lift a finger b/c men will do everything. As I said before, look at the wedding industry. There are party favors with “Don’t look at me, I’m just the groom” printed on them. That tells me the groom is irrevelant and its all about what the woman wants. You are setting this girl up to get everything she wants. She’s not always going to get everything she wants. Money makes marriage great, don’t get me wrong. I wish I had more of it. But for most, marriage is hard work. You really have to be in it.

B. Men are bad b/c they didn’t have a father in the home or had a BAD father. My father didn’t work for years, hit my mom and sister, and didn’t teach me a damn thing. So yeah, I was basically learning on my own. I made a ton of mistakes which I feel terrible about. But it is b/c of Jesus Christ I am the man I am today.

C. Women aren’t off the hook either. Women have to act appropriately too. Going out to clubs, dressing like hooters girls, and wanting to go shopping every day is very unattractive. I can’t stand to see women smoke. Why do you do it ladies? I can’t stand it when girls hate being mistreated by jerks, but will be so mean to a nice guy.

Celisea

October 5th, 2011
12:08 pm

Purple – I am speaking of adults not school age children.

It’s not a bad example. Maybe you should think outside of your perfect little world. You have a kid and one on the way and surely you would be mindful that they won’t live in a bubble. Children of today are the adults of tomorrow. And yes, your (mine, theirs, ours) actions affects everyone around us. And humanly you should be able to look around and see the state of things. I have a kid and outside of marriage and I did it right too because I laid none of my responsibility to anyone else’s charge. Not my mama, not her daddy, not the grands not the government. I did what I should have done and no different than anyone married or not that’s acting responsibly are doing.

Tom

October 5th, 2011
12:08 pm

Guys-don’t go to strip clubs or look at porn, its really disgusting. The women are adultresses and don’t have the first clue how to live like a normal human being. Don’t just look at girl for your next lay, you never know who she might be.

Guys-Open a door for a woman, compliment her. Women-be appreciative of the gestures. Don’t automatically assume the guy is trying to get laid.

Celisea

October 5th, 2011
12:16 pm

Swiss – We agree to disagree. To tell a kid “don’t have sex” won’t stop a train let alone a kid in the heat of raging hormones. When I speak I’m talking getting in the trenches and yelling or screaming it over nature. I’m talking not placing our kids in harms way. Meaning, my kid wants to stay after school. For what? To hang around with her boyfriend? Yes!!! Now if I know kids hang around only leads to all sorts of trouble…why would I do that? Why would I allow her to place herself in harms way when I have the oversight to see what’s further down the road? She’s living in the moment like any other young person. Raising kids and teaching kids is not accomplished in one word. You have to be there, present, in the know. And when they now you’re watching them as much as they’re watching you that will cut back on half the devilment they could do if you’re NOT watching. Now, I know they can get anything done if they’re determined and that’s okay once you fully understand the consequences of your actions and that it’s on you and that I’m serious as a heart attack when I say you’ll carry your own consequences. A parent or caring adult knows you can’t just say it and walk away. You have to stay with them and raise them until they’re able to stand on their own. Until it resonates that their actions will definitely meet them later down the road. Until they’re believers of what you’re teaching. Heck I thought I knew everything too. I too believe my mama until what he said sounded better. But what my mama said ALWAYS seemed to be that one voice I could not get away from.

CmonSeriously

October 5th, 2011
12:16 pm

Tom, I agree with everything post before last, and sorry man, asking a guy to not look at porn that is not getting any is most of the time not gonna happen, strip clubs are not there so you can get any either, that is fantasy.

Purple Reign

October 5th, 2011
12:16 pm

Celisea, no I won’t think outside of my perfect little world, because I am concerned with my world and I will raise them to the relationship standards that my parents raised me and my siblings. It worked so I will do my part to continue the process. If folks worried more about home and taking care of it the world would be a better place. There is nothing new under the sun, temptations come and go. But values and discipline should not change.

abc

October 5th, 2011
12:17 pm

My perspective on marriage remains the same as it was when I was 20-something, outdated as it is these days: marriage is for raising a family, for creating your own family. Few people felt like they needed to have more fun, somehow find or discover themselves, etc. Very few were financially well-to-do when they got married. People worked on things like that together, had kids, raised them.

I still think a man’s role includes providing for their wife and kids. If he does it well enough, then sure, no need for the wife to work. Her primary concern should be creating an optimal home, including what makes an optimal home for a child. Mine is a traditional view that for many isn’t even traditional anymore, it’s so outdated — but, in my opinion, that’s what marriage is all about.

Leggs

October 5th, 2011
12:18 pm

I think a lot of trouble with young people and sex, esp. the young girls is the fact that we adults constantly tell them what they shouldn’t be doing, to not fall for what the sweet nothings these boys are whispering or write down of love notes. I don’t know how many are telling the young girls WHY they shouldn’t be giving their bodies so freely. Not sure how many are talking about the importance and value and respect to hold onto their virginity and that it’s to be given to their husband (used to be the case). More young girls need to be taught the value of self.

Musinglee

October 5th, 2011
12:19 pm

Leggs you are so silly! I spit up my soda.

CmonSeriously

October 5th, 2011
12:19 pm

Bravo ABC!!!! I agree completely, very outdated though

Purple Reign

October 5th, 2011
12:21 pm

abc, I agree. I wonder where the married but indepent came into play?

CmonSeriously

October 5th, 2011
12:21 pm

Leggs- I hate to say but the generation before us, don’t give a @#$% about what we say or don’t, most don’t have the respect for their elders that was taught early on in previous generations.