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City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP
City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP

Are men in trouble?

I read CNN’s opinion piece by William Bennett called “Why Men Are in Trouble” and it made me think hard about men. In the article, Bennett outlines why he thinks men today are not showing strong signs of grasping what being a man is about.

It’s interesting that Bennett addresses a lack of maturity that he thinks is a big part of the problem. To wit:

“Just ask young women about men today. You will find them talking about prolonged adolescence and men who refuse to grow up. I’ve heard too many young women asking, “Where are the decent single men?” There is a maturity deficit among men out there, and men are falling behind.”

If men are in trouble, what does this mean for the future of our dating relationships?

Do you agree that men are not stepping up to the plate in their transition from boys to men?

Another thing that stood out in the article is the fact that Bennett sited a “decline in virtues” that men are showing less success/interest in work, marriage, and religion. Would you agree?

Do you think men are in trouble?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

373 comments Add your comment

Figment

October 5th, 2011
9:59 am

Because all video gamers are lazy people who do nothing but play video games and lounge on the couch? *eyeroll* Granted, some do this, but not all. Just like not all video gamers are males.

You can be a grownup and still enjoy video games and the like. Mind you there are some people who cannot handle playing video games and let it consume their life.

Leggs

October 5th, 2011
10:00 am

“Women are insulted today when you open a door for them or address them as mam.”- why does this ALWAYS come up when we talk about men and women. I have never, ever witnessed a woman mean mugging a man because he opened the door for her.

MrsNewy

October 5th, 2011
10:01 am

@ Leggs…to justify why they don’t do it. *smh* I have never seen it either and personally I like it when hubby opens the door.

Button

October 5th, 2011
10:02 am

Based on this article it’s just not in the AA/Black community!? who’d thunk that! based on all the media hype black woman will never marry.

I heard that piece on 99.7 this morning. Didn’t get to hear much feedback, I half way heard about the finance who plays video game quite regularly and she was ok with it….not sure how the conversation ended.

Leggs

October 5th, 2011
10:03 am

@Figment ~ was listening to The Bert Show and they’re discussing the same topic that’s presented here. One man called in saying that being a video gamer does not take away from being a man if it’s done AFTER he does what needs to be done for the survival of his family/marriage. He says he plays his games after his family is asleep for a couple of hours. That’s his quiet time for himself.

My 2.5 Cents

October 5th, 2011
10:03 am

@Leggs: I wouldn’t go as far as mean mugging, but it’s not accepted well. And we don’t do it for our own kicks, it’s for women…so the least a woman could do is smile and say thank you.

Chris

October 5th, 2011
10:05 am

Women can’t raise boys to be men. If you need evidence go to Lenox and Perimeter mall and look at the “males” teenage and older walking around. Boys need FATHERS to be Men. Women need to make better choices in men and date a real man (if they even know what that is) and stop trying to indulge their girlish fantasies with thugs or want a metro-sexual guy that will go to the nail shop with them. Society in general has pushed the female more than male qualities. Men being men and aggressive, leaders and action oriented is looked down on. Men need a revolution to be who we are and if women dont like it then so be it. Some men need to stop doing anything to have a woman and becoming punks to have a wOman

Button

October 5th, 2011
10:06 am

IMO I think we as women (well some of us) give men excuse to be slackers. If we wearing the I can do it all/don’t need you/I got this etc attitude on our sleeves then what do we expect? Some people are not brought up in a traditional household setting. Most women are told from a young age to fend for themselves, not to depend on a man for nothing, while the boys are left with little to no guidence on that level well except for learning sports.

Leggs

October 5th, 2011
10:07 am

I love it when a man opens a door for me. It’s an intangible testament of simply respecting the position of women and the man being mannerable. Chivalry is what it’s called! Back in the day a man would simply tip his hat at a passing woman. It’s a form of appreciating the species. That’s my take.

kimmie

October 5th, 2011
10:09 am

Morning All!

When I saw the topic, I knew we’d get a bunch of “well women do it too” whining like a bunch of 3rd graders. At least the 3rd graders have an excuse – they are 3rd graders!

I’ll be back to talk to grown ups!

Leggs/Button – Did you hear on the Bert Show yesterday The Wussification of America topic? How this generation can’t deal with the cold realities of the real world because they are being coddled? Everyone is afraid of being tough and hurting these kids feelings? That some schools have even done away with the Honor Roll because they don’t want the other kids that didn’t make it feel bad?

We’re raising a bunch of wimps, what do we expect!!!

lucinda

October 5th, 2011
10:10 am

Men ARE in trouble, yes. Used to be married to one who thought that since I have a career, he could kick back and contribute no income to the family. This without any discussion or input from me. Thus, I carried a career, bulk of child care, and everything else. Yes, he cut the grass and the yard always looked great. Yes, he could cook. But, with me doing 90% and he doing 10%, what did THAT teach our children about a man’s role?? YES, I initiated the divorce. And YES, I do not for a single minute regreat having done so. SO, man up men.

Robert

October 5th, 2011
10:10 am

“Just ask young women about men today. You will find them talking about prolonged adolescence and men who refuse to grow up. ”

Immaturity is a big problem. For example I know young men (20-35) who can play video games all day, but can not go outside and play “real basketball’ or run a mile because they are out of shape and live in a fantasy world. That is a fact. It is a shame a “old school” guy like me is in better shape than most younger men.

My 2.5 Cents

October 5th, 2011
10:11 am

Leggs, I agree with your thoughts wholeheartedly. As someone who practices it, chivalry still goes a long way with some. It’s these manly women out here messing up things for the ladies that still exist among us, LOL.

lucinda

October 5th, 2011
10:11 am

@kimmie

and how about Kindergarten “graduations”? Are you kidding me?? That’s a bare minimum, not something you ‘graduate’ from!! Stikcers and “awards” for doing basic stuff?? Paying kids for doing house chores? All that = coddled, wussified, babies.

My 2.5 Cents

October 5th, 2011
10:13 am

@Lucinda, sorry to read that you valued your ex-husband’s contributions less than your own. For richer or poorer, better or worse, right?

Sandra

October 5th, 2011
10:14 am

@Paul

Call me. I’ll be happy to clean your catch. I’ll match my degrees against yours any day. I’ll meet you at the gym. I’ll attend military functions with you. And I’ll NEVER refuse a Christmas gift.

You’ve been dating the wrong women.

kimmie

October 5th, 2011
10:14 am

lucinda – Yep, that’s the problem. Everyone wants a reward for doing what they are SUPPOSED to be doing!!

Chris

October 5th, 2011
10:14 am

I am out in the world on my own. Well me and God. I’ve run across many women living at home or have 3 roomates to keep up their single and fabulous lifestyle of clothes, clubbing, drinking and traveling. Some are there cause of the economy which from a make perspective is understandable. Are women in trouble. It seems most aren’t wife material. All they want is a life of ease, comfort and pleasure. Not really looking for a man to work through life with and build with. Use him to indulge their wants and spend most if his cheese on hollow pursuits. Where are the women with any vision past the next meal?

CmonSeriously

October 5th, 2011
10:14 am

Parents need to lay down the law early, bring back the paddle, like I had when I was a kid, you screw up, you get embarassed by having your butt beat by a teacher/parent

Leggs

October 5th, 2011
10:15 am

@My 2.5 ~ that’s all a woman should do is smile and say thank you. If I’m ever privy to this, I may just go up to the woman afterwards and ask why she was offended by his actions. I’ll probably be feeble and gray before I witness this, but I will ask.

Ricardo Cabeza

October 5th, 2011
10:17 am

I will only speak for myself when I say that my father taught me how to treat a woman, hold a job, pay my own way in life, respect others who have earned respect, and ignore those who have not. As a result I have been married to the same woman for 29 years, retired financially sound form a 30 year career, and helped my wife raise two wonderful children who are now educated, productive adults. Am I the exception to the rule in 2011? Perhaps. Thanks Dad! Rest in peace.

Ron Burgundy

October 5th, 2011
10:17 am

Is it immature for a man to take mental pictures of hot girls for one’s “spank bank”?

Button

October 5th, 2011
10:17 am

Kimmie I heard snippets of it, I think Bert said something about it this morning. I’m all in favor of rewarding kids for doing an excellent job, why should a kid have to dumb down to fit in?

My 2.5 Cents

October 5th, 2011
10:19 am

@Leggs: as someone who opens doors for ALL women within 10 steps of one, I’ve experienced a less-than-thank-you response or two (I never said offended). Who knows where that comes from…she might’ve had sh!t on her mind. But let’s agree to disagree on the idea that it doesn’t happen.

Leggs

October 5th, 2011
10:20 am

Thank you kimmie. I heard the word this morning, but couldn’t make out what he was saying “wussificiation.” Got it…thanks. I was listening.

“@Lucinda, sorry to read that you valued your ex-husband’s contributions less than your own. For richer or poorer, better or worse, right?” – My 2.5, she’s not saying any of that. She’s saying that does not make a marriage. For richer or for pooer, for better or worse, right? NOPE. Not if that’s all he’s doing and is “content” with the survival of the family of the shoulders of his wife why he rests after cutting that grass, or cooking that dinner. If those are his contributions, then he’s not honoring the vows either! Marriage takes the actions of both for it to succeed. To simply “exist” while married is not a good thing. Sounds like he was “existing” under her apron strings!

Figment

October 5th, 2011
10:21 am

@Leggs – exactly! Video games are an activity, not a lifestyle. I enjoy playing video games myself but I will not let them consume my life. I play only when I have some downtime and nothing else pressing to do.

kimmie

October 5th, 2011
10:24 am

Button – They actually played a clip of an interview with this 11 year old that played football. The coach benched him because he was TOO GOOD! He scored so many touchdowns that parents from other teams didn’t want him playing because it made their kids feel bad. Are you kidding me? And poor thing, not only was he a good player, he was a good person and student too. He said he didn’t understand why they were not letting him play, but he put God first, then grades, then football. He was a bigger person at 11 than most of the adults around him!

Celisea

October 5th, 2011
10:24 am

KJR – Adam was commanded to not eat from the forbidden fruit, not Eve. He should have had a better hand over Eve. Both was punished and banned from the garden. Adam was told rather than eat and live from the garden that God tended to, he would then have to earn his living by the sweat of his brow. Translation…no more freebies. Eve was told she would experience pain when having babies. However in the New Testament it is given to the woman that if she raises them in the fear of the Lord all that pain wasn’t for nothing.

I tell you, ya’ll are whining something awful today. No person (i.e. woman), govermnent or entity can emasculate a man unless he allow.

abc

October 5th, 2011
10:24 am

I definitely think that 20-something people in general are far less mature than when I was their age. It’s a cultural sign of the times: far more 20-somethings married young and started families then than now. Back then, marrying and having a child equalled instant responsibility; now, having a child without benefit of marriage equals the man running for the hills, and the woman having the difficult or impossible task of raising the child properly. Cycle once, cycle twice, the problem just gets worse and worse as responsible role models disappear from our society’s landscape.

So yeah, I can see it in younger men, yep.

Leggs

October 5th, 2011
10:25 am

@My 2.5 ~ no need to agree to disagree because not once did I say it doesn’t happen. I said “I” never witnessed it.

kimmie

October 5th, 2011
10:27 am

I just don’t see where a woman not thanking a dude for opening her door has anything to do with men not manning up! So it’s some chicks out there with bad manners, big deal! What does that have to do with a man being a man? Quit making excuses and be accountable for yourself!

My 2.5 Cents

October 5th, 2011
10:27 am

@Leggs: we don’t know what he was or wasn’t doing other than what was mentioned. Honoring the vows and satisfying the spouse are separate discussions. But Lucinda said something in another post that I appreciate and have always lived by…never expect credit for what you’re supposed to do. I think living that way has earned me some advantages in life, and that’s a lesson some of my peers could embrace.

My 2.5 Cents

October 5th, 2011
10:28 am

@Leggs: cool, just so all hearts and minds are clear, lol.

Ron Burgundy

October 5th, 2011
10:31 am

Is it immature to do the rodeo?

You know when you and a girl are having relations kind of like dogs or “doggies” and you have your friends jump out from hiding and yell suprise and you see how long you can stay on that bucking bronco?

Is that immature?

Celisea

October 5th, 2011
10:32 am

And spending your time dumping a woman because she won’t give up on the first date or first three dates is truly a sign of immaturity. Women feeling pressured to get it done…because he said so, or as we hear often somebody will get it done is outrageous. I was just telling my kid this morning, the mentality of men (boys for her) has changed so much so over the years but I told her is nature will be with him until he dies….God gave it to him when he created man. My point to her was it’s in here to be the lead, the man, the head. I told her step aside for what the masses are doing. If he’s pressuring her to conform to what all other girls are doing, he’s no good for her. I told her there’s a depth to the male species that her little girlie eyes can’t see and a boy/dude/man that don’t want nothing but nothing will be the first to present an empty box all neatly wrapped. I told her being whimsical and lightheaded will only cause for consequences. I told her to not fool herself, she can be as much of a lady as she want to be and never let the pressure and threat of how everybody else is doing it get to her. I told her I’ll bet my life if she carries herself like a lady that behavior can only return doubled. That no matter what they whisper because they’re coming, to get and keeping her groundings underneath her. He wants to leave because you want to move in the right way, pace and take the right path…so be it. I told her always be willing to step aside from something that’s going to cause her detriment. And yes, she’s going on 17…I was talking about boys. That’s their world at age, these days. Gotta take it to where it is with our youth.

Purple Reign

October 5th, 2011
10:32 am

Boy there is a bunch of BS being posted, but once again people are entitled to their opinion.

Men are not in trouble, real men are being real men and will continue to be real men and a real woman will recognize a real man. Boys attract girls, girls are drawn to boys. A man attracts a woman and a woman is drawn to a man. Every male is not a man some are boys and every female is not a woman some are girls. Call me when we are off topic.

Ron Burgundy

October 5th, 2011
10:33 am

I’m a man!….I’m and ANCHORMAN!

Jeff

October 5th, 2011
10:33 am

I’ll even go so far as to submit that with the increasing rise of no men in the house, boys are raised to act for the approval of the woman, and not to actually be a man. So when they grow up, they are constantly seeking the approval of women, even to their own demise.

Look at the influences in a boys life when the father is not there: females in the home, females as teachers, poor male images on TV, etc.

A woman cannot define what it takes to be a man any more than a white person can define what it takes to be black.

kimmie

October 5th, 2011
10:34 am

Leggs – I get so tired of the “women need to choose better” mantra too. Then in the next breathe, we are being too picky and overlook certain guys and won’t give them a “chance”.

When they fall short, then it’s “well you should have chosen better”.

Sounds to me like a lot of men need to “choose better” too.

Oklahomas State head Coach

October 5th, 2011
10:34 am

I’M A MAN!!!! I’M 40!!!!

SexyCool

October 5th, 2011
10:35 am

Purp – I was thinking the same thing.

In fact, I’ve been listening to Too Short and patiently waiting…

What’s my favorite word? … Blow the whistle.

Leggs

October 5th, 2011
10:36 am

@Celisea ~ and that is the bottom line. A man cannot be emasculated. If you think the woman wears the pants in the relationship, perhaps you should adjust your thinking because you’ve sewn the pants for her to wear them!

Celisea

October 5th, 2011
10:37 am

And really when I talk to my kid about boys, surprisingly..well not really…that’s the same behavior you see in men today. Temper tantrums, immaturity, blaming, blah blah blah. Yes, women have areas where we’re to blame but I don’t believe so much where we place blame…cooking,cleaning etc. Women with no standards, accepting half of a man, enabling half azzedness…no challenges (and no not hopping through hoops). Not being aware that a good good man makes it just that much better for her.

Yes both sides are to blame. Too much emphasis on petty asinine issues.

kimmie

October 5th, 2011
10:38 am

Purple – Your 10:32 – cosign. I thought of you when I saw this topic and you said exactly what I thought you would say. You got no trouble being a man.

Purple Reign

October 5th, 2011
10:38 am

And to “JUST WOW” who posted yesterday evening that they thought that “Ron Burgandy” was an alias of mine…you are mistaken. I don’t hide when I post and if I do decide to change my name it always contains the word “purple” or “carlito” except for the one time the I went by “Inspector Gadget” and I said on that same day that I was inpsector gadget. So get a life and why don’t you post under your real name.,..PUNK!

HST

October 5th, 2011
10:39 am

I am not sure why the degradation of a man has to be related to god, marriage and work. Is it because women want men to take care of them. Without those virtues are men less than others who does value such entities? Maybe young men aren’t “growing up” because of women and their value they see young men as. Who would want to “grow up” to take care of a woman to have her take half if she decides she wants out. I think women are putting pressure on these young men to do the ideal thing when they don’t live ideally themselves.

If marriage, religion and work are what a young man has to look forward to to be with a woman then there’s gonna be a lot of gay and asexual men. Those virtues are a long lost value system in an ideal world that doesn’t exist anymore.

Ron Burgundy

October 5th, 2011
10:39 am

Is it immature for a man to dress up blow dolls to look like ex girlfriends? Jus axing??

Celisea

October 5th, 2011
10:40 am

Leggs – All this dang whining of what women won’t do or let men do. Say what? How does a woman not let you be something you was born with, in, to, from??? You ain’t got balls? You gave them away.

Leggs

October 5th, 2011
10:41 am

@My 2.5 – you’re absolutely right. We only know what she mentioned.

JK

October 5th, 2011
10:41 am

I think it is simple in this respect…define “maturity”. It has a different meaning to men than it does to women. Does a man want to change into the female definition in order to satisfy her or is the man better off single. More and more I think men are chosing the latter.