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City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP
City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP

Are men in trouble?

I read CNN’s opinion piece by William Bennett called “Why Men Are in Trouble” and it made me think hard about men. In the article, Bennett outlines why he thinks men today are not showing strong signs of grasping what being a man is about.

It’s interesting that Bennett addresses a lack of maturity that he thinks is a big part of the problem. To wit:

“Just ask young women about men today. You will find them talking about prolonged adolescence and men who refuse to grow up. I’ve heard too many young women asking, “Where are the decent single men?” There is a maturity deficit among men out there, and men are falling behind.”

If men are in trouble, what does this mean for the future of our dating relationships?

Do you agree that men are not stepping up to the plate in their transition from boys to men?

Another thing that stood out in the article is the fact that Bennett sited a “decline in virtues” that men are showing less success/interest in work, marriage, and religion. Would you agree?

Do you think men are in trouble?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

373 comments Add your comment

Jeff

October 5th, 2011
8:12 am

Considering that almost everything a man does, he is often lamsbasted from all sides by women about what he should be doing differently, it’s not a surprise. We have spent so much time in the last 30 years promoting anything and everything female, and denigrating men to the point we are nothing more than a punch line, this is the end result.

We step up to the plate…..”Stop trying to dominate”.
We don’t step up to the plate……”Man up”.

At some point, 3 things may happen:
*He sits in the corner and takes it, left only to write the checks, carry the heavy stuff, and fix things.
*He adapts.
*He throws his hands up and walks away.

MrsNewy

October 5th, 2011
8:12 am

I think society in general is in trouble. We are plagued with apathy, greed, and mediocrity while there is often a sense of entitlement. This comes from being in a “microwave society”. More and more people want instant gratification. That is why we are in trouble now.

Ron Burgundy

October 5th, 2011
8:20 am

I think men and people in general suffer from a lack of accountability. its always someone elses fault. Men and women seems to have a lack of priorities these days. i mean look at all the people who don’t have healthcare? How many of those households have cable (even HBO), internet, smart phones? Its a priorities issue. When my grandparents were growing up you made sure you had a roof and food. Anything else was second, but back then there was less government crutches,

CmonSeriously

October 5th, 2011
8:23 am

Jeff and Newy I think have got it. I think that men do need to man up and get off the video games, things have gone too far. Get a JOB!!!! If you are 25 years old and still live with your parents, wake up you are a LOSER!!! If you have had some trouble, deal with it, don’t ppush it off on a crippled, and corrupt gov, your parents that actually worked their own way toward retirement, or some woman that is obviously more motivated, smarter, and harder working. BE A MAN!!!! You are making the rest of us LOOK BAD!!!!

American Male

October 5th, 2011
8:28 am

Well, let’s examine the current scene…

If I should be stupid enough to actually marry one of these females lamenting the lack of “decent” (..aka, blind and stupid…) men, there is a better than 60% chance she will divorce me. 80% of the divorces in the United States are initiated by the woman. A better question would be why are women walking away from the relationships in far greater numbers?

Then, the man is required to pay out most of his income to support this woman and any children that may have resulted. He will play very little further role in the upbringing of the children but must maintain the income flow under penalty of jail.

Is it any wonder there are no “decent” single men? Only a fool would expose themselves to this present arrangement!

Yes!!!!

October 5th, 2011
8:31 am

Jeff, you sir are absolutely correct…. Society only allows us (men) to be men when sh@t hits the fan…. women will see more (mature) men when they stop trying to wear the pants in the relationship and accept that we are suppose to be the head of the household….

RJ's Wife aka QC

October 5th, 2011
8:36 am

Good morning all – thanks goodness I don’t have this problem with my Husband. Good Hump Day topic…have a great day all :-)

LeeH1

October 5th, 2011
8:37 am

This is also the flip side of women’s lib. Women used to be like this- stay at home, don’t get a job, be immature, until a man came by and married her. Women wanted to be more like men. They have become so.

But more men have become like women. Soon, women will have the obligations of work, child raising, and doing all the important stuff, and men will be like women used to be- lie around the house all day and bitch.

It can start by women raising better boys. Except they want their boys to be more like women- caring, tolerant, safty-minded, non-competitive, non-agressive, learning how to sit still, shut up, and do what their Mommas tell them to do.

This has been goving on since the 1970s. Lookit what happened! The women were sucessful! They won! Men are kinder, more gentle, more tolerant than they used to be! This is what women aimed to get in society, and they got it.

Stonethrower

October 5th, 2011
8:38 am

Blah, blah, blah. Keeping moving folks. Nothing to see here. But, the answers and finger pointing will be interesting. Especially when the readers and writers get to the “the great majority of __________ men are dropouts and incarcerated, thugs etc. blah, blah, blah

Chuck

October 5th, 2011
8:38 am

I love the basic supposition here that women are all calm, rational and mature individuals who are utterly and completely blameless in the failure of their relationships.

Of course they are…

Big Dawg Cobb

October 5th, 2011
8:40 am

I agree with Jeff, women today complain about men but they complain about everything. It’s today’s woman that is in trouble. Most women today are lazy selfish and spoiled. I’m all for gender equality but be careful what you ask for. Women want to be released of their long time social duties of cooking, cleaning and child rearing and expect someone else to do it (maids, daycare, ect) but they still want the man to perform his traditional duties and pick up their slack. NO THANKS

Rbee

October 5th, 2011
8:42 am

American Male has it exactly right…and if a young woman in her early twenties still lives at home, does that make her a loser, too? or does that only apply to males? that’s the problem right there…

Ron Burgundy

October 5th, 2011
8:44 am

I agree Chuck. Its not a men thang. I mean come on young men today are too worried about keeping it real but women are just as bad worrying about whether they are developing a muffin top or not.

Yes!!!!

October 5th, 2011
8:44 am

CmonSeriously,

While I understand the points that you are trying to make in your observation, I do not totally agree, I’m a 29 year old male who DOES live with his parents; no, not because I’m a loser, but because I’m currently buried in student loans and other bills. True, everyone has bills but look at where pride has currently gotten this Country lately… See where I’m going with this…. I work Full-time, pay tithes, support non-profit organizations, support my Family 110%, take care of every issue that comes up… Heck, I even have (financially and emotionally) supported children that I didn’t conceive. I got a bachelor’s degree in Human Resource Management, about to start on a Master’s, never been in ANY trouble with the law… and the list goes on… Overall, my job doesn’t pay enough to try and impress anyone with material things and/or possessions. Yes, I plan on moving out very soon… but I had to be realistic about my situation in a very unstable economy… Look at the number of individuals in the baby boomer era who are now moving back in with their parents just to stay afloat….

Dan

October 5th, 2011
8:46 am

Couldn’t be said any better than this.

What motivates such reactions from women? I do believe that it corresponds with the fading into the sunset of the Biblical view of what a man is. With no vision from God of what true manhood is and the rejection of God Himself this vision has very little impetus for being established in our culture.

What woman is going to submit to that Godly vision if she is not a Christian? Zero to none.

It takes the knowledge and power of God along with unity of belief for each sex to fulfill the vision of true manhood. The man can not be a man in the true Christian sense that God sets forth and the woman can not submit to it unless she realizes that in the heart of a true Christian man is the desire to die daily to himself and lay down his life for his wife. When she knows that he has her best interests at heart she will submit to the man.

True manhood has vision, courage, compassion and will. When it’s vision is not supported and encouraged by woman it has little chance of surviving.

Dan

October 5th, 2011
8:47 am

My previous comment was in response to Jeff’s comments.

Whatever

October 5th, 2011
8:49 am

There you go, blaming someone else for you aren’t doing. Women want men to step up. We’re tired of always being in control. What woman doesn’t want a good man and is happy to be submissive to a GOOD, RESPONSIBLE man. There are a lot of good men out there who is doing what he needs to do and loves doing it. I’m not sure about this new generation that’s coming up. We need the real men to be there for their sons, daughters and even neighborhood sons to teach them what real men are about. It’s not having a lot of babies that make you a man, but taking care of responsibilities, yourself, family and being a good citizen.

Robert

October 5th, 2011
8:51 am

Are men in trouble?

It depends on where you live in the USA. Men all over this country are in trouble for various reasons (economy, jobs, etc.) and are finding it difficult. For example Black men in the South (NC,SC,GA, etc.) between the ages of 20-35 who grew-up in single parent homes (roots babies, crack babies, etc.) are on the “battlefield” and are losing the war against families. Statistics show 1 out of 4 Black men between the age of 20-35 are involved in the criminal justice system for various reasons. Black men 40-55 have a high percentage of divorce which also contributes to the decline in the family structure.

White men between the ages of 20-35 are in trouble too. For example Whites are having fewer babies and drug abuse among this group is increasing dramatically (meth, crank, heroin, etc.). Fewer White men are graduating from college and pursuing advance degrees. White men 40-50 are losing their wealth (2nd homes, cars, stock/bonds, etc.) and are finging it difficult to find jobs just like everybody else, due to the economy.

Keeping It Real

October 5th, 2011
8:52 am

Men have been in trouble since Adam got hoodwinked by Eve. Most women are vicious, manipulative, and loose their mind when their bottom is knocked out. Most men are too dumb to seperate a piece of booty from love. Here is the one and only rule fellows: Hit the booty and keep it moving. Don’t present the woman to your mother if she just have to have a pair of skinny jeans.

CmonSeriously

October 5th, 2011
8:53 am

Yes!!!- Are you saying that all of that was “forced upon you” did you do good enough in school to earn a scholarship? Are you dating a woman that you have to take care of her kid? I understand that the economy sucks, but my problem is the attitude that everything is someone else’s fault. If you got in over your head, then dig your self out.

Ron Burgundy

October 5th, 2011
8:54 am

Great post Yes!!! You are paying what you owe and putting pride aside.

Ron Burgundy

October 5th, 2011
8:59 am

The biggest indication of a loser or not a man is someone who cannot pay what thye owe or take care of their family. There are of course extrenuous circumstances but most people who file bankruptcy file it cause they did somehting stupid or they didnt work hard enough and gave up.

Real men exhaust all avenues before not paying what thye owe.

MsMarriedUp

October 5th, 2011
9:00 am

Strong men are almost always either nurtured, or supported by STRONG WOMEN!!!
We NEED each other.

CmonSeriously

October 5th, 2011
9:04 am

If you are a man that is 25+ years of age and are still sponging off of someone else, you should not date, nor be in a situation to get yourself in deeper trouble take care of your own stuff, it’s no one else’s problem but your own, yes there are some situations where that is alright, but not as much as people think, or make excuses for, get to a point where you are not a drag on the other person.

1stcav

October 5th, 2011
9:04 am

To find out why men may not be stepping up to the plate, just watch made for TV movies and movies at a movie theater. White men are made to look stupid, inept and clueless. They are portrayed as useless to the smarter woman, boss or child. It’s no wonder that some young women think of men this way. Granted we don’t have to be that way in real life but we are portrayed that way in film.

Leggs

October 5th, 2011
9:07 am

Good morning.

Are men in trouble? Yes. Only because women are no longer willing to tolerate a lot of what some men continously dish out to them. More and more men want the woman to pursue them, want the woman to be independent but not too much once they get into an actual relationship. A lot of men are no longer willing to put time, effort, patience into a relationship simply because the pond is fresh with new fish everyday. The cultivation of a relationship has been falling by the wayside for some time now. A sense of entitlement is the downside for both men and women. A woman wants a man to take control, take care of the family and be the provider with her at his side assisting anyway she can. What a woman doesn’t want is to wear the pants and dictate what needs to be done.

It seems like the present generation of young men may close down the institution of marriage. We shall see. We’re living in a bubble where instant grativation is the key and hard work and monogamy is in the distance. It’s there, but so hard to grasp.

CmonSeriously

October 5th, 2011
9:13 am

I do however think women should choose more carefully, if a guy has done nothing with his life and shows no signs of ever doing anything, why start a relationship with him if you can tell he is obviously going no where, and has no ambition to.

Paul

October 5th, 2011
9:18 am

Oh the stories I could tell. I have met many males who will never make the cut and women who adore them for their “feminine side”, sensitiveness to the point of nausea, etc. My question: where are the women who appreciate intelligent, “manly” men (use your own definition for that) when they meet them. I have been condemned for hunting and fishing, working out, being former military, etc. ad infinitum, having too many degrees; (yep, actually caught flak for “being more educated than particular women I have dated”, even knowing answers to difficult questions). Had one “friend” refuse a necklace for a Christmas gift with the remark, “oh, I already have a bunch of those.” Go figure!!!

Yes!!!!

October 5th, 2011
9:19 am

CmonSeriously,

No it wasn’t forced upon me, School will be a great decision in life (especially long-term), but I had to make a rational and generally painful decision and swallow my pride and recently made the decision to move back in with my parents. I never dated a women with kids, but I have had plenty of (single) Mother friends that I did do some questionable spending with (in the past) for their kids that I had known since or almost known since birth that I had gotten attached to, I refuse to ( or do not mean to sound like) I’m making any excuses …life is all what you make it and just like with several people, I will have to carry the burden that loans and everything that life brings to the table, it’s life! I would tell anyone, no matter what that they sould continue to do good deeds, make sacrifices and it will pay off eventually in the future.

D

October 5th, 2011
9:20 am

It goes both ways. Same thing about women.

ATL

October 5th, 2011
9:20 am

We need to look at the whole picture. Parents need to stop up holding there BOYS…….and teach them to be MEN. I know so many mamas who always take up for there sons, and blame there wives & girl friend for a fail relationship. Men please move out of your parents house and make it on your own. I know some women are hard to deal with, But some ladies will accept a man better if she sees he trying to be a man. Ladies we need to help our Men instead of always putting them down, learn to work with your spouse or boy friend to build a better relationship. But always pray for your relationship day by day.

Vantari

October 5th, 2011
9:21 am

I blame the misuse of TV by most households since the 80’s. Our kids were babysat by the set, watching dysfunctional families such as the Simpson’s, Family guy, and other similar trash. To us parents, they were simply cartoons, but to them, they were role models. No wonder the girls today are like little Lisa Simpson, attractive, over achievers and smarter than everyone else in the family, the boys imitate Bart, the lazy insolent foulmouth, and the parents, well… to the kids, they are relegated to being like that schmuck Homer and his wacky old lady, Marge.

Islander

October 5th, 2011
9:22 am

Cmon Seriously your last post hits the nail on the head about my thoughts. I agree more men need to step up to the plate but women are not innocent on this issue either. I have known too many women who will only date loser guys that treats them like crap and even have a child with them only to stay with that guy or find another one like him. If a hard working strong man comes along she throws him to the curb for the loser. Could it be that many decent guys are turning into losers because that is what some women want? I think the issue here is that we have a problem in society, not just a man or woman problem.

James

October 5th, 2011
9:23 am

Relationships are 50-50 propositions. If men are in trouble than so are women. Its clear that the growing social acceptance of women engaging in hypergamy either with or without baby Daddies being active in their children’s life. No fault divorce on top of the traditional Mom gets custody of her children leave women with all the cards in a long term relationship. So yes relationships are in trouble. There are times I wish I was less mature because being mature means getting kicked.

Deeva4Life

October 5th, 2011
9:27 am

^ *Dan* on that 8:46 post. Good look sir! :wink:

Hilarious

October 5th, 2011
9:31 am

Are MEN in trouble?

Well, no. If men are supposedly immature, selfish and lazy, then WOMEN are in trouble.

If men aren’t immature, selfish and lazy, then WOMEN are still in trouble.

Terrible article name. Spend more time thinking it through next time. Or get a better editor.

Celisea

October 5th, 2011
9:32 am

Morning morning morning :)

Battle of the sexes in full swing I see.

No comments on today’s topic…not yet anyway.

Dan 8:46…spot on!

MrsNewy

October 5th, 2011
9:34 am

American Male…

Ok here is the flipside. I hear what you are saying but most women who initiate divorces do so because of something the man has done or better yet is not doing. I have a loving and supportive husband. We both take on half of the burden of the household which includes the cooking, cleaning, laundry and finances. I learned how to have a successful marriage by watching others who threw in the towel.

Some of the reasons I have seen women walk away :

1) who wants someone who has no forward vision. If one party is always striving to do better and be better, he/she will only stay with dead weight for so long.

2) Lack of trust and communication. He/she has stepped out on the marriage and justify it with a “well _______ made me feel ____________ and you _________” Instead of talking to the partner about the short end of the stick he/she feels they are getting, they find someone to placate their shortcomings. You can’t be with someone you no longer trust. You will forever look over your shoulder wondering if the other shoe.

3) Some women marry men expecting he will change. They hope that marriage will make that man (for lack of a better word) grow up and be a man instead of waiting for him to grow up FIRST. When a person shows you who they are believe them. You can’t make anyone be anything they don’t want to be. A ring doesn’t make him a man just like standing in a garage doesn’t make you a car.

Safensound

October 5th, 2011
9:34 am

Dan,

I couldn’t agree more with your post! Truthfully put.

Yes!!!!

October 5th, 2011
9:35 am

Also ComSeriously,

Hope I don’t seem like I’m trying to start some big argument on here, my apologies if that seems like the case. There are a few points I forgot to answer or mention.

1) I’m a Black Male,not trying to make this one of those types of issues but with the current state of the (black) male, I think it is imperative to mention this…

2) I’m 29 years old, no record, not even a simple misdemeanor, it seems like every male in today’s society glorfies being lock-up at least once, even if it was just for one overnight stay.

3) College Grad, no, this isn’t really saying much in today’s society.

4) Have over a ten year work history, with some volunteer work as well

5) Full-Time Job

6) Not a big video gamer fan

7) Pay majority of bills in the household

Hope I’m not sounding full of myself.. I promise I’m not trying to brag, because basicially it all comes down the fact that I am indeed at home, not because I wouldn’t be able to make it on my own but I am saving just enough while staying in a household in which the house is almost paid off and it’s under someone else’s name that has (currently) much better credit than my own. I will dig myself out of student debt, just had to be rational about the current situation.

Hilarious

October 5th, 2011
9:41 am

Hey Yes!

You’re defending yourself to a stranger who is making baseless, idiotic arguments based on some pre-conceived notions of what you as a male should or shouldn’t be doing, regardless of the circumstances.

Arguing with idiots only wastes your time.

CmonSeriously

October 5th, 2011
9:41 am

Respect that you are not being a drag on society YES!!! I am proud that you are a graduate, that is more than most people, I am glad you are not a video gamer, those guys that lay around all day and do nothing are the biggest problem, yes, you may be one of those people that genuinely is an example that should be followed, so I will leave it up to you and this blog to decide under what circumstances is it alright to be a grown man and still live with your parents.

zorro

October 5th, 2011
9:44 am

It figures AJC would come up with an article like this, working in security over at that “LIBERAL BASTION” they call COX, I saw the way males where treated over there, I remember one year christmas 2002, they wanted all security to wear reindeer antlers on their heads, which were mostly males, one guy threatend to quit that day, and if they had made me do that i would have been right behind him. After i saw that, i knew why this newspaper was in trouble, thank god for the Wall Street Journal.

MiltonMan

October 5th, 2011
9:46 am

It is society today that is in trouble not just men. Women are insulted today when you open a door for them or address them as mam. When businesses are more intersted in hiring women and/or minorities who pays the price – men.

When society rewards women by having children without a father around what do you expect? Also go to any divorce proceeding in this state & men are treated as second-class citizens.

Tom

October 5th, 2011
9:49 am

As a married man, I’ve learned more about how to be a man than I ever did as a single guy. I did some horrible things while I was single and I can see why women are single. Us guys we are horrible.

As a man, I see so many men who are “pretty” Zac Efron types who won’t get out there and get tough. Get out and do some tough work, don’t just sit behind a desk!!! Then you have guys who total jerks by trying to be Mr. Tough guy who cuss all the time and spit. Spitting, cussing, farting, sleeping with girls, going to strip clubs, and looking at porn DOESN’T MAKE YOU A MAN. On the other hand, the behavior of young women is not excused. There are a ton of women out there who do not act lady like at all by dressing in certain manners.

After seeing the movie Courageous, it is on us as men to lead our families the way God has commanded us. It begins at home. I hate to see families like the Kardashians b/c they think its all about the woman. For them it is. Its a failure on the man’s part to not establish the rules from the start.

For example, look at the wedding industry. “It’s all about the bride” mentality. No wonder there is a feeling that the woman runs the show. The bride is given this philosophy that she can have everything she wants. THAT IS WRONG. It says in God’s word that marriage is about TWO people. The MAN and the WOMAN. On the wedding day, a man and woman go before God and say vows.

Our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ will crush the heads of the perverted New World Order integrationist crowd and their devilish black minions

October 5th, 2011
9:49 am

It seems quite apparent to me that if the United States is to change, “change we can believe in,” men must be systematically attacked and diminished in every area of people activity i.e. economics, education, entertainment, labor, law, politics, religion, sex, and war.

Afterwards, subversives under the banner of the New World Order will be at liberty to brainwash or educate the women and children under the guise of social advancement, intelligence, or progressiveness. Trust me. Non-thinkers, 95% of the population, are incapable of deciphering what is taking place. They will fall for the scheme hook, line, and sinker.

As Dr. Stanley Monteith of http://www.radioliberty.com would say, “Americans must understand that this is a spiritual war being waged on an economic, social, cultural, ideological, and political battlefield.”

American women should not be deceived. As in all wars waged throughout history, once the men have been diminished or conquered, alas, the victors are at liberty to do whatever they will with the women and children.

Amen?

common sense

October 5th, 2011
9:51 am

Women’s groups and Main Stream Media have spent the better part of the last 50 years denigrating and feminizing men. The government has spent the better part of the last 50 years making men irrelevant. The legal system has skewed on the side of women and children … against men. Religions that encourage male leadership are ridiculed and vilified. Racially, the white male is demonized, and the black male is stereotyped (by all of society, including black society).

In short, men have been systematically robbed of everything that makes them male. Are men in trouble? Is this a serious question?

disco

October 5th, 2011
9:57 am

has anyone read “is marriage for white people” by ralph richard banks? he touches on some issues that could be taken to indicate that men are indeed in trouble.

My 2.5 Cents

October 5th, 2011
9:58 am

Are men in trouble because modern women think less of us than their mothers and grandmothers? Maybe, but I wouldn’t hold my breath.

Bennett says industriousness, marriage and religion are the foundations for manhood. One point I want to discuss is, if women are so highly industrious and able without being married (because they aren’t marrying each other, in great numbers at least), then why can’t men be the same?

KJR

October 5th, 2011
9:58 am

Here’s the problem: Generalization: We have to stop that, cause each man and women is different and uniquely made. I do believe a majority of men have fell down on the job, by believing the lie that women lead society, in actuality, it’s us. We lead society, they want to do everything we do, whether it be dumb or smart, it seems lately that most of things we are doing are dumb. If look at the biblical view and the fall of man(adam and eve story) Adam got way more punishment then Eve, it was not even close and sin entered the world once he ate, not her. They’ve developed medical technologies to help her with punishment, nothing for ours. But at the key of this thing is selfishness, and a lack of accepting responsibility for the reward you are pursuing. Guys want to have all the sex in the world, but cry about child support payments and stds. Women want to be sexually available, but cry about being labeled a promiscuous girl. We have to grow up and stop acting like children, you serve the choice you make, but in all honesty it starts with men. Guys we have stop believing lie and become the romantic warrior God intended for you to be.