Do you know who NOT to date?
When we reach that age/stage in life that we should stop dating wholly inappropriate people, we (thankfully!) begin to figure out who is not good for you. It would be amazing and utterly convenient to have a running list of the “types” that everyone should generally avoid, right?
A reader sent me an article by a guy who listed the “types of women to avoid” and I found it equally tragic and hilarious.
Just for fun, let’s say we compose a list. What types would you put on it and why?
I would start mine with don’t date a record producer, aspiring rapper, or bartender. I have been down that road, trust me!
Let’s see what you come up with. Who knows? Maybe we can figure out if we are the type that others avoid. The more you know, people. The more you know.
By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog
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437 comments Add your comment
Sassy Me...Juicy Fruit ;-)
September 29th, 2011
9:58 am
hmmm this should be interesting….
My past experiences have taught me not to date: 1. Mama’s boys
2. Men that are cheap n selfish
3. Men without a plan/goals in life
4. Men who claim to want a strong independent woman but can’t really handle/deal with her when he gets a bonafide one.
men lie, women lie
September 29th, 2011
10:01 am
@CoolShadow
4. The only thing she brings to the table is an appetite
if I knew this in my 20’s i would have a perfect credit score!
i'm swiss™
September 29th, 2011
10:01 am
Morning, folks.
On topic: Well, these kinds of lists are funny & all, but….
The problem with having these checklists of what you don’t want, is that anybody — even a really good person — could exhibit some of these traits once in a while. Nobody’s perfect & I’m sure we’ve all had a few moments here & there where we failed to live up to our own usual standards. But that doesn’t make us bad people, nor does it make us un-date-able. Better to look at the big picture than a checklist of pre-determined grounds for dismissal.
Reio
September 29th, 2011
10:03 am
Sassy Me…Juicy Fruit
– what’s your definition of ” a strong independent woman” ?
kimmie
September 29th, 2011
10:09 am
Morning All!
Swiss – I’m with you on this.
When I was dating, other than obvious stuff, the biggest things I didn’t like were dudes that were bitter or committment-phobes. Oh, and dudes that smoked.
Leggs – I lefted before you answered on the Diddy interview. He was actually cool, light-hearted. Said he doesn’t let himself get caught up in mess and concentrates on being a good businessman. Nothing deep.
M. (pronouced M dot)
September 29th, 2011
10:11 am
Good day everyone…I think everything is covered but I have a few to add to dontdateher.com
1. If every guy she has ever dated is in the sports or entertainment business=groupie point. blank. period. Plus she will always compare you to them.
2. A flakey woman. If she has more excuses than friends, let her go.
3. A lying woman. This seems obvious but once I catch you in a lie, DONE
4. A woman who is tryng to impress her agenda on you. If she wants to have kids and get married and you arent ready, stand your ground!
5. A woman who cant think for herself but always follows her friends.
6. A woman who is not decisive. If she has been going back and forth with her ex for 3 years, leave her alone.
7. If she has a slick mouth (smart comments, sly remarks, acts real snippy with you) let her go. This is only a sign of disrespect and she is seeing how far she can go on you.
Don’t forget people, relationships are supposed to be a good thing not a job, stress inducer, or an overall headache!
Matt
September 29th, 2011
10:12 am
@swiss
We are talking about warning flags that should not be ignored, if I see a girl again that wants everything and expects to do nothing, I can kick her to the curb a lot easier than I could when I was younger, I am too old to deal with expensive, selfish, cheating, self absorbed women, find me a girl that has the common sense to know what the difference is between right and wrong, doesn’t spend more money than she makes, expects more than she is willing to give, and not only that get vengeful when she doesn’t. Not going to deal with it ever again, I only dealt with it as long as I did bc I didn’t believe in divorce and hoped that she would change. I was wrong
M. (pronouced M dot)
September 29th, 2011
10:13 am
Good day everyone…I think everything is covered but I have a few to add to dontdateher.com
1. If every guy she has ever dated is in the sports or entertainment business=groupie point. blank. period. Plus she will always compare you to them.
2. A flakey woman. If she has more excuses than friends, let her go.
3. A lying woman. This seems obvious but once I catch you in a lie, DONE
4. A woman who is tryng to impress her agenda on you. If she wants to have kids and get married and you arent ready, stand your ground!
5. A woman who cant think for herself but always follows her friends.
6. A woman who is not decisive. If she has been going back and forth with her ex for 3 years, leave her alone.
7. If she has a slick mouth (smart comments, sly remarks, acts real snippy with you) let her go. This is only a sign of disrespect and she is seeing how far she can go on you.
8. A cheap woman if she expects you to always support and expense everything but she never treats you, charge her to the game.
Don’t forget people, relationships are supposed to be a good thing not a job, stress inducer, or an overall headache!
Celisea
September 29th, 2011
10:14 am
Interesting topic today…
I’m going to agree with Swiss.
I am though going to have to steal Sassy’s #4 and add one
4. Men who claim to want a strong independent woman but can’t really handle/deal with her when he gets a bonafide one.
A lying man. That will get your booted.
Celisea
September 29th, 2011
10:15 am
Liar? No if ands or buts or second chances.
i'm swiss™
September 29th, 2011
10:18 am
Aw, what the hell?
Never date:
1) Someone who’s always making lists n’ sh!t.
Leggs
September 29th, 2011
10:20 am
@Celisea ~ we all could steal her #4. I thought about it too.
Also thought about M.’s #7. Lord knows I’m sassy and fiesty (although SassyMe has me beat
). But I’m really very playful (if that helps). I’m cracking myself up.
Jeff
September 29th, 2011
10:23 am
MAtt, re the Tina/Ike thing…….if she sat around and allowed it to happen over and over and over, she holds a little bit of the responsibility, yes. And I’m in no way letting him off the hook, but when you allow yourself to be treated a certain way after the actions becaome known, then some of it is on you.
kimmie
September 29th, 2011
10:24 am
When we reach that age/stage in life that we should stop dating wholly inappropriate people, we (thankfully!) begin to figure out who is not good for you.
Wise – I know hindsight is 20/20 and when we’re young we sometimes do stupid things. But I would hope that no one would waste precious years of their life dating people that are “wholly inappropriate”. Life is just too short.
Timeless
September 29th, 2011
10:25 am
Never date a woman who gives you a list of her requirements in a guy and, when you ask what she has to offer in return, is lost for words and offers a blank stare (happens more often than one would think). That’s my initial screening criteria.
Mike P
September 29th, 2011
10:27 am
Enter your comments here
Into the Light
September 29th, 2011
10:28 am
co-signing Kimmie’s 10:24
@Wise: The article you linked is hilarious! Thanks for sharing.
Matt
September 29th, 2011
10:29 am
@Kimmie
Bravo, love the comment
@Jeff
Certain things come to light during marriages, after the vows are taken, if they take immediate action do you still consider those people at fault or do you think they just married the wrong person. Me personally I got married earlier than I wanted to, to keep the woman I loved out of a wheelchair for life, serious back problems and she had no insurance.
abc
September 29th, 2011
10:30 am
I only have a few hard-and-fast-absolutely-don’t-date: no cops, lawyers, or teachers. Just take my word for it.
As far as trying to gauge her from who she’s dated in the past, she is unlikely to tell you the truth about that, so it’s not a very usable criteria. Messiness of car or home is a HUGE red flag for a chick — guys can almost get away with that, but only almost. Well, not really, not even a guy can be a slob and expect chicks to not mind.
Closeness of her family can be a good thing, and then again it can be a bad thing. If her sisters appear flat out crazy, you can bet she’s covering up some craziness of her own.
In the end, it’s all a judgement call. If it’s just dating, then no biggie; if it’s heading for commitment, pay close attention.
disco
September 29th, 2011
10:30 am
don’t date adult males who live in someeone else’s attic or basement
disco
September 29th, 2011
10:32 am
don’t date barbers who make “housecalls”
abc
September 29th, 2011
10:33 am
I’d venture to say that a man who would say he wants a strong and independent woman doesn’t really want a woman at all. The connotations of the description don’t really have a feminine aspect in terms of what a man would truly find attractive. Rather, they represent what a cop, lawyer or teacher would probably be like.
Celisea
September 29th, 2011
10:37 am
And for all the lists we all made say 10 or 15 years ago, as we’ve change such has the other person. That’s why I agree that lists are a no no…especially LOOOOONG ones and you’re over 30. Like someone said there are a couple of hardline definites but for me that takes care of all of the bullcrappery that every now and then try and creep in.
Matt
September 29th, 2011
10:38 am
Green flags
1. Fit woman
2. Responsible for her own actions, no excuses
3. Lots in common
4. No drama
5. Level headed, not totally insane (let’s be honest, all women got some crazy, just like all guys can be stupid)
6. Has a mind of her own
7. Above all else HONEST
8. Does what she says she’s going to do, sticks to her word
9. Not needy
10. Doesn’t cry in public, that is no different then guys getting in fights in public on a regular basis.
Celisea
September 29th, 2011
10:39 am
A really strong woman is not indicative of being butch.
disco
September 29th, 2011
10:39 am
don’t date men over 40 who still call you shorty
Leggs
September 29th, 2011
10:42 am
“don’t date adult males who live in someeone else’s attic or basement” – this sounds like a murder waiting to happen.
Into the Light
September 29th, 2011
10:49 am
“don’t date adult males who live in someeone else’s attic or basement” – this sounds like a murder waiting to happen.
LOL.
ITL: Hey, mom and dad. I’d like you to meet my new boyfriend, Ted.
ITL’s mom: It’s very nice to meet you, Ted. What did you say your last name was again?
Ted: Bundy
Purp
September 29th, 2011
10:49 am
Never date a woman who has a checklist that she is dating by oh and no fat chicks!!
czBrat
September 29th, 2011
10:53 am
omg. today’s blog looks funny as all he!!, and i’m too swamped to enjoy it
hiyas!
disco
September 29th, 2011
10:58 am
don’t date men who don’t know how to say no to their adult children and are paying car notes and living expenses for 30 year olds
don’t date men who have a foreclosure, repo and bankruptcy under their belt and justifies it all by saying that bad things happen to good people
don’t date a guy who lives with his ex because neither of them can afford to live without assistance from the other
kimmie
September 29th, 2011
10:58 am
Other than personal preferences, a lot of stuff on these lists are just common sense. I mean, who really wants to deal with a loser?
kimmie
September 29th, 2011
11:01 am
disco – I know of too many folk still taking care of adult “children”! It causes major issues! And I’m not talking about helping out because they’ve lost their job & hit on hard times temporarily. I’m talking sending a regular check because said kid is trying to live above their own means!!
Matt
September 29th, 2011
11:03 am
@Kimmie
You would be amazed at how many people I know choose guys like that over the guys that have good jobs and their own stuff, it amazes me, their excuse is “well you can’t choose who you fall in love with” Yes you CAN!!!
Into the Light
September 29th, 2011
11:04 am
bullcrappery
I don’t know why, but that word makes me laugh. I will be using it!
Exiled!
September 29th, 2011
11:08 am
Good morning!
Don’t date anybody on this blog,Period!!!
Each one of them has negatives appearing on somebody’s else’s ‘Dont Date list’.
To prove me right,they are here,single,and talking about ‘that other’ undateable person and Not Them.
Surprise, surprise!
Marinate on that!
I am sedated.
i'm swiss™
September 29th, 2011
11:08 am
And don’t forget “douchebaggery”
disco
September 29th, 2011
11:08 am
Kimmie don’t get me started on the adult children thing. A guy I finally cut loose has a 28 year old daughter who has 2 children. She lives at home (rent free) and daddy just bought her a new SUV. She’s got a college degree (and I was all for him supporting her through college) but simply doesn’t want to work and while he occasionally comments on her getting a job he doesn’t push the issue. Once he told her that she needed to get her resume updated and her reply was “I was waiting for you to do that”. He doesn’t see all the problems I see between him and that child of his but i could tell tales all day.
abc
September 29th, 2011
11:10 am
The word is ‘ruminate’. Marinade is what you do to tenderize and flavor meat, typically sitting in a covered dish in the refrigerator.
Just sayin. Yall can let fly with the “don’t date a man that corrects your grammar”.
Into the Light
September 29th, 2011
11:11 am
LOL@Swiss. I might have a little harder time working “douchebaggery” into the vernacular, but I like it.
Into the Light
September 29th, 2011
11:13 am
@abc: This grammar/vocabulary nerd LOVES your comment.
Celisea
September 29th, 2011
11:14 am
MMEELLOO, my mama taught me the people that’s got to tell everybody each and every time they get laid, ummm it’s not so much going on. I think you’re more air and wind than action. Especially your not so much desire to go down.
MrsNewy
September 29th, 2011
11:15 am
LOL @ abc the grammar police are here…LMAO
Celisea
September 29th, 2011
11:15 am
My comment is to you being sedated….again….you say LOL
Exiled!
September 29th, 2011
11:16 am
Yea,Ruminate on it.
thanx abc!
Celisea
September 29th, 2011
11:17 am
We use to have a “grammar police”, meaning a person using that as a moniker and any faux pas would bring him/her out of lurking…that use to be funny…sometimes. Oh and “Awwwwwwww D@mn” was funny as heck too.
Exiled!
September 29th, 2011
11:17 am
Celisea, u sure u not scared to find out for urself?
U got my number!
Celisea
September 29th, 2011
11:19 am
Mayne please….
disco
September 29th, 2011
11:20 am
Some years back I met a very nice looking guy as I was leaving the library. He fished around in his car for something to write on. Give the guy my number and he calls and we chit chat and he reveals to me that he was just paroled after serving 10 years for robbing a bank. This guy – at the time – was about 28 years old. All I could think was that he grew up in prison. All I could say was that I appreciated his honesty. That was the end of that one. I would use this opportunity to say don’t date parolees but some people actually told me I was wrong for not giving this fellow a chance. I feel like if I have to resort to dating a parolee then it should at least be someone that I knew before they committed the crime that sent them to prison. A parolee and a stranger to boot is just too much for me. Besides – I like to travel and can’t get with a brother who can’t cross state lines.
kimmie
September 29th, 2011
11:21 am
Matt – You are on the outside looking in. All I can say is if a person that claims to have it all together is not getting chosen, then there is something about them that is keeping people away. Obviously that dude you see as lacking has something that the dude you see as together doesn’t have to get the girl. You’re not “entitled” to have someone just because you’ve got a job & your own place and a car. That’s what every responsible adult is suppose to have. You gotta look in the mirror and take ownership. In one breath, guys accuse women of being golddiggers if she doesn’t want to date the blue collar dude, but in the next breath say she doesn’t want a “nice” guy because he sees her with a dude that seems down on his luck. Obviously, you’re “not all that” if you “think” you got it together and still are not attracting the type of person you want. No, you’re not getting rejected because you are short, don’t drive a BMW, work at the post office, not a professional athlete, rent instead of own, etc. It’s you.