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Dating: What’s your story?

Do you ever get tired of mixing and mingling? You still want to be someone really great but the thought of answering the same questions over and over again makes you twitchy. I just want to walk up to Mr. Wonderful and hand him my “book” so he can get a condensed version of who I am, what my flaws are, and what I bring to the table.

I know, this is the ultra lazy approach to dating. It’s supposed to be fun and exciting. You are supposed to be filled with anticipation and blah blah blah. Some days you just don’t feel it. That is a classic sign that you are stuck in a dating rut!

If you feel bored with dating, chances are you are boring your dates to tears too. It’s not always their issue, though. Sometimes, it’s you. If you don’t consider yourself a fun and interesting person to get to know, your date will agree wholeheartedly.

If you feel yourself slipping into the Most Uninteresting Man/Woman in the World, take a break from dating and focus on other things. Trust me, it’s good to get a refresher course on how awesome you are. Then you can attract people who find you and your story interesting.

Have you ever been with someone who had a fascinating story? Did they intrigue you with their life adventures or fascinating personality? Has anyone ever told you that you had a really interesting life?

When you meet someone you click with, what do you usually tell them about who you are?

P.S. Any tips on how to get out of a dating rut?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

200 comments Add your comment

Matt

September 27th, 2011
8:00 am

Me personally I try to avoid talking about any woman I have dated/married when trying to pick up a girl. Tips: I got none, lower your standards and stay at the bar until closing, wish I could say that advice was mine, but it was the advice I saw on CNN.

Bill Clinton

September 27th, 2011
8:19 am

Make all dates only the first date. ;)

Mike P

September 27th, 2011
8:43 am

Good Morning All,

WD asked- “P.S. Any tips on how to get out of a dating rut?”

My answer: stop being so picky… the more you are accepting of others, the more you become acceptable.

Matt

September 27th, 2011
8:43 am

Gotta find a woman worth dating first. Not willing to lower my standards and be unhappy later in life.

LeeH1

September 27th, 2011
8:44 am

Those who cannot entertain themselves cannot entertain others. Learn how to be an independent and sucessful person on your own right, and you will be interesting to other interesting people. People who are not interesting in themselves, cannot be interesting to others.

Matt

September 27th, 2011
8:54 am

Ok Matt, you gotta use a different name, I am Matt here :)

Button

September 27th, 2011
9:09 am

Wise only tip I can offer is to take up a hobby or do some volunteer work. That’s what I do when I’m bummed out of dating. It’s just not fun anymore, the excitment, challenge, enthusiasm they’re all gone. I’m so tired of meeting the same ol run of the mill guys. I’m not saying it’s them, maybe it’s me, but what/whoever it is, it’s not what I’m ascribing to right now. I think I’m just going to buy a cat and call it a day… :(

MsMarriedUp

September 27th, 2011
9:13 am

Good Morning Fabulous Fun People!

My advice: Based on experience, I would go out and find me someone who is primarily interested in an exclusive relationship, and scoffs at being friends first. (I mean really! This one used to really irk me. He gets all tight-eyed when asked to be my friend because he wants to be ensured ‘this thing’ is exclusive!!!) Well, I’d exclusively date this person until that promised day comes when we are exclusively sick of one another, but trying to hang in there we go find those friends he/she didn’t want to be in the first place, and talk out our misery with them, that friend. And oh, make sure it’s an opposite sex friend, or whichever sex your mating preference flows.

Trust MsMarriedUp on this. It has happened many, many, many times… that friend who you confide in, the one who’s been there with you through thick and thin, seen you at your absolute downgraded worst, will lift you right out of that dating rut and into an exclusive relationship.

Make friends people. Friends first! And try to cut back on the hateorade. And yes too, friends can have sex, just make sure you’re emotionally able to handle a relationship like. Things can get oooh…bumpy!

Reio

September 27th, 2011
9:16 am

I never did much dating. Not that I did’nt want to, It’s just that for much of my younger years, I was content to pursue my education and make a future for myself. Also, whenever I did go on dates, I was always too forward and direct. My 3 older sisters told me, years ago, that I needed to “learn the meaning of tact”. And when, and how, to say what’s on my mind. I tended to end relationships rather quickly. If I was’nt into them, “Hit the road, Jill”. To my credit, I was always a one woman man, and the woman that I dated the longest, I married. I still have one problem though, as far as she is concernrd, I always tell the truth. She’s used to it now, but when we were dating, it was a big adjustment for her. I tell the truth, damn the consequences.

Button

September 27th, 2011
9:19 am

@ MsMarried, I never ever cross the line with friends. Why ruin a good friendship the bumpy?

Reio

September 27th, 2011
9:26 am

Never had any “opposite sex friends”. Sure, a few acquaintances, coworkers, but no friends. Back then, my belief was, you can’t be friends with a woman, unless we were humping. Sorry, just the way I was. Lots of guy friends, but no gal friends.

Ricardo Cabeza

September 27th, 2011
9:27 am

Somewhere between the first and fourth date find something you have in common and embrace it. It may be sports, kids, music, movies, or something similar EXCEPT work! Whenever you hang a relationship on common work it is doomed from the start so don’t go there. Don’t get so uptight about how soon to have sex. If you just lay back, gently guide and let the relationship develop, and don’t act like a mule deer in heat you’ll be doin’ the hibity-dibity before you know it!

Audra

September 27th, 2011
9:29 am

You just have to put yourself out there, as scary as it might be. Go out with people you wouldn’t normally consider (be accepting!), do the online dating thing, join a volunteer group, or take up a hobby. You’ll get to meet all kinds of interesting people, and become more well-rounded. And that is key to finding someone – you have to BE the person you want to find. Don’t be a nickel lookin’ for a dime. ;) (No, I didn’t make that up, it’s a song lyric!)…

Audra

September 27th, 2011
9:33 am

Oh, and as for lowering standards: Partially true. You gotta consider which standards are safe to lower. For instance, don’t ever lower the standards “I won’t date a gold digger,” or “I don’t date married men.” These are just wise choices that can save you a lot of heartache down the road. On the other hand, if your standard is “he has to drive a BMW,” then you might want to re-evaluate your priorities!

Matt

September 27th, 2011
9:37 am

As for the lowering your standard, that is for getting yourself out of the rut. Getting out of a rut is not as easy as it sounds for most people.

Michael P.

September 27th, 2011
9:43 am

Some interesting suggestions here, however, one important issue that I have not seen touched on yet; Honesty!
It was 18 months before I started dating again after my ex and I split, and rather than do the whole bar/dance club/single thing again, I decided to try online dating. However, one thing that my ex had said did stay with me…”You can be anyone you want…online!”
My first couple of dates were okay, but then came the ‘frauds’. Those are the individuals who write very flowery and interesting things about themselves, and make themselves out to be truly great catches in one or more aspects…until you actually meet.
One women spend the entire evening complaining about living with her mother who wouldn’t give her her freedom, even though she was 49 with one child. Online, she had said she ‘owned her own home, and was very independent’.
With another woman, who was very sweet, we met for dinner at a local Mexican restaurant. Her profile had said that she had ‘a few extra pounds’. Great…no big deal, as many women gain a pound or two as they get older, and especially after having children. However, when she arrived at the restaurant and got out of her van, she was approximately 350 to 400 pounds! I might not have cared, had she been honest with me in the first place, but this was a deception which, obviously, couldn’t be hidden.
And yet another, who said she owned her own business, and live in Northeast Georgia. Tall, attractive, slender and graceful, a great personality, and very sexy. We had a few dates, and everything seemed to be going wonderfully…until she started disappearing for several days at a time. I would email her, but no response. Then two to three days later, she would call and apologize, saying she had been working on a new account. Well, okay…she does have her own business, after all. Then one day, I was at my local Dollar General picking up a few things. I turned around, and there she is…about 70 miles from where she said she lived! Why would she come down here to shop? There had to be a DG in her area. I said ‘Hi’, and when she say me, she began to look around like a deer looking to secape from an armed hunter! I walked up to her, and asked how she was. She still had the panicked look on her face as she said “Okay. How are you?”. She was still looking all about her, and seemed as though she wanted to get out of there as quick as she could. That’s when the man walked over to us. “Is everything okay, sweetheart?” He asked her.
“Michael, this is my HUSBAND, Jeff.” She said. I was shocked, but managed to shake the mans hand, and explained that I knew his wife as a potential client. What else could I do? And here’s the kicker…two days later she called and asked if she could see me again, apologizing for deceiving me!
When I met the woman who is now my wife, she described herself as short, with a few extra pounds, blonde and attractive, and into nature and metaphysics…she was as is all of that and more!
Metaphysics? Well, actually, she is a witch! My opinion today is, if you truly want to put some magic into your life, marry a Witch! She is kind and generous to a fault, loves me unconditionally and completely, would rather spend time with me that be given a billion dollars tax free, and would rather spend a a couple of hours making love than an entire evening out on the town! Her desciption of herself was perfectly accurate…I met her that way, and married her that way.
Dating? Never again. Too stressful in most cases. Be honest, and everything else will work itself out!

Reio

September 27th, 2011
9:43 am

I was young and foolish, so I did’nt allow time for growth in a relationship. I can only remember one woman that actually dumped me. She said “You do’nt call me like I thought you would, and you treat me like I’m on a job interview”. These women were, mostly, nice people, that were more mature than I was at the time. I treated them with respect and dignity, but I displayed very little patience. So, even boredom did’nt get a chance to set in. It was over too quickly.

Leggs

September 27th, 2011
9:45 am

Good morning.

It’s feast or famine baby, feast or famine. I wouldn’t necessarily say I was in a rut, but I did finally realize that I have to put myself out there a little than what I was doing to meet quality people. I’ve made a conscious decision not to lower my standards/expectations for the sake of meeting someone. So, it’s taking a little longer than I anticipated because the concept of dating one woman at one time is foreign to some men. Right now, things are looking good.

Audra

September 27th, 2011
9:46 am

Wow, Michael P! That is quite a story about the married lady. Yikes!! Glad you found your match. :)

Button

September 27th, 2011
9:47 am

Bewitch! @ MichaelP :lol:

Michael P.

September 27th, 2011
9:47 am

P.S. Sorry for the typos!

Reio

September 27th, 2011
9:52 am

Leggs – That’s the way I was. I did’nt start another one, until the current one was fully dumped, or I was fully dumped. One woman man. Always was.

Michael P.

September 27th, 2011
9:52 am

Yes Button…very much so! According to the laws of metaphysics, a ‘desire’ is, in effect, a spell, and it goes out into the universe. If it is within the realm of possibilities, and does not go against someones free-will or attempts to force them into something that they would not do normally, it will be granted!

Matt

September 27th, 2011
9:56 am

Does anyone else here absolutely detest the people that look and find a replacement for their current significant other while they are in a relationship, they know they want out but they don’t want to be alone for the time when they are looking, I hate scumbags like that with a passion!!!

Michael P.

September 27th, 2011
9:59 am

Hey Matt, that very well may have been the situation I was in with the one women I dated, though to be frank, her husband seemed like a nice guy, but you can never tell of you don’t live with someone..

Michael P.

September 27th, 2011
10:01 am

Enter your comments here

Reio

September 27th, 2011
10:01 am

Matt – I don’t necessarily detest people like that. I could never do it myself. This one gets the boot, or she boots me, then I start looking again. I was always like that.

Michael P.

September 27th, 2011
10:02 am

Then again, some chickens just want to see how many other roosters are in the barnyard.

Robert

September 27th, 2011
10:02 am

“Any tips on how to get out of a dating rut?” –

Some men would rather love a thousand different women. I prefer to love one woman a thousand times. The joy is creating an atmosphere full of passion and desire. That is the difference between mature men and boys. No passion, no desire = no relationship.

Matt

September 27th, 2011
10:07 am

Me personally I have issue with stuff like that, there is nothing like a cheater or someone who already replaced you while you were already in a committed relationship to put someone into a rut.

Reio

September 27th, 2011
10:11 am

Robert – I never learned how to “create an atmoshere full of passion and desire”. She took me as I was, or got the hell on. Did’nt bother me a bit. I looked at it this way, If I have to chase, that means you’re running. And if you’re running, you must do’nt want to pursue a relationship with me. I still believe to this day, that if my father chased my mother, he was a fool. If my mother chased my father, she was a fool. I wanted someone that did’nt need to be chased. Take me as I am or not at all.nI would express interest in her, but she had better reciprocate, or I’m gone. That simple.

Michael P.

September 27th, 2011
10:15 am

I agree, Robert. I would rather devote myself to one woman, and do all I can to make her every wish come true. If you want alot from a woman, you have to be willing to give alot.
However, I don’t believe being a ‘Man’ has anything to do with age or maturity…it has to do with attitude and action. Some males have or find it, and others never do. I knew a guy in California who was 48 years old and wouldn’t date a girl over 25. He listened to punk-rock music and was incredibly immature, yet he couldn’t understand why he couldn’t find anyone who wanted to stay with him over the long-term. He said he didn’t like dating women his own age because they were too set in their ways, and could be properly trained! He probably would have been better off with a dog, but I think even the dog would have walked after a while!

Mike P

September 27th, 2011
10:22 am

I only date one woman at a time, so I require the same from her.
Unfortunately, a lot of women these days, don’t appreciate this simple standard.

Michael P.

September 27th, 2011
10:25 am

Hey, I don’t remember writing that last comment!!

dyslexicbunny

September 27th, 2011
10:26 am

I pretty much just do whatever I want. I lost interest in dating when I couldn’t be myself. Maybe that makes me undateable but I’d rather find someone that lets me be me instead of having to pretend to be someone I’m not.

Robert

September 27th, 2011
10:29 am

Reio – I will send you a copy of my new book “Men in Love -2000″ which will be released next year (1/12). I wrote this book to help men learn how to create passion and desire in their relationships ultimately leading to marrage. Yes, ladies I said the (m) word because I believe a successful relationship should have a happy ending. I talked to a lot of men who may have been raised in dysfunctional homes or had parents who were poor roll models, especially minorities. I talked to hundreds of women for their thoughts on dating and my findings revealed a very disturbing trend that crosses all racial backgrounds. Most men between the ages of (20-35) do not understand how to create passion and desire in their relationships. Women on the other hand are in touch with their feelings and emotions and would prefer to date a man who is sensitive to all their needs (emotional, sexual, financial, etc.). I hope my book helps someone who may need tips on – “how to get out of a dating rut?”

Reio

September 27th, 2011
10:30 am

dyslexicbunny – There you go, bro. I decided that I would find the love of my life that accepted me as I was, or I would die a lifelong bachelor. Nuff said.

Mike P

September 27th, 2011
10:37 am

Hey, I don’t remember second-guessing myself either!!

Reio

September 27th, 2011
10:37 am

Robert – I’m not in a dating rut, I’m married. But even if I were single and dating, I would’nt need to learn to put passion and romance in my relationships. Cause if just being me ain’t enough, “Hit the road, Jill”. Don’t Look back. By the way, What’s your sister’s cell number?, she ain’t bad looking”. Thats the way I lived back in the day, and was not ashamed of it. I figured that I was a well rounded person, educated, polite, respectful, funny, witty… If that’s not enough, she can go to hell. Just sayin.

Matt

September 27th, 2011
10:38 am

I only date one girl at a time, I don’t make things exclusive til later, but I devote my attention to each one, dividing time between 2 or more I can’t do.

Reio

September 27th, 2011
10:40 am

Robert What’s the “2000″ for in the title of your book, if it comes out in January 2012 ?

Leggs

September 27th, 2011
10:55 am

@dyslexi ~ I really like who I am and although there may be things about my personality someone may not like, I will be me. If you don’t like it, then obviously we are not a right fit. I am who I am, I can be polished up, but I won’t let anyone tarnish me.

♪♫•*¨*•.¸¸♥¸¸.•*¨*•♫♪
Out there on the ocean
I know my ship is coming in
Just past the horizon
And right where the sky ends
Cause out there on the ocean
Know my ship is coming in
So don’t leave me hanging
I’ve been waiting to long
For this moment
My ship has finally come
♪♫•*¨*•.¸¸♥¸¸.•*¨*•♫♪

TenderRoni

September 27th, 2011
10:57 am

@Leggs, who sings that..i always forget his name?

Button

September 27th, 2011
11:06 am

Leggs, I remeber seeing a posting from you about a job last week – can you please repost it? pretty please

Sassy Me...PYT ;-)

September 27th, 2011
11:08 am

Tenderoni his name is K Jon and the song is On the Ocean…nice song and I love the video, it made me wanna learn that Chi-town step.

Robert

September 27th, 2011
11:12 am

Reio – The “2000″ means this century. People have more outlets (internet, etc.) to meet which require different skills. For example, before the internet women relied on men to make the first move by asking their name and phone number. Today, women have the power to reach out and touch men who they want to meet without the man coming forward first. This is a major breakthrough for women and gives them the power to control who they want for a relationship.

SexyCool

September 27th, 2011
11:16 am

Any tips on how to get out of a dating rut?

Date to your needs, not your preferences.

TenderRoni

September 27th, 2011
11:17 am

Sassy Me...PYT ;-)

September 27th, 2011
11:22 am

You’re welcome.

Leggs

September 27th, 2011
11:24 am

@TenderRoni ~ K.Jon

@Button ~ let me see if I can find the listing. I usually delete those after I send out. Hold on….