Is that really a dealbreaker?
Sometimes it can be tough being friends with a guy. When they come to me and whine about their dating woes, I try to be understanding and supportive. When they are the one breaking hearts, I have to call them out.
That’s what friends are for, right?
My buddy Lance decided to end things with someone who seemed really promising. She was nice enough but apparently her bedroom skills were lacking. Instead of talking to her about it, he decided to break things off.
Obviously, he wasn’t into her as much as I thought. If you decided that bad sex is enough to send you packing, you probably weren’t that invested in the relationship.
Personally, I think bad sex is something that can be improved, but do you agree? Would do consider it a deal breaker?
I do love my friend Lance but I think perhaps this is maturity thing. Do you think we reach a certain age when we should wise up a little? What age do we drop our so called dating deal breakers?
By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog
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376 comments Add your comment
Celisea
September 26th, 2011
12:11 pm
I can’t speak to marriage because I’m not but I guess I don’t understand the concept of “not going in blind” when you consumate ahead of the vows when really, going in together with anyone in marriage is blind. No? I mean sex is a part and I would assume not what marriage hinges on. Having and raising children together is going in “blind”, on a personal note, dealing with another person’s habits is going in “blind”, now paying bills together and creating good spending habits is going in “blind.” I guess to test the waters ahead of the vows is considered “testing the waters” but in reality once you start building a life together, is that not all done blindly? I mean sex can me off the meter but how do you know it won’t fizzle? What’s your guarantee? How do you know another won’t catch your eye….I mean you’re blindly in love at the first stage right? How can you guarantee another won’t catch your eye and do you know how you’d deal with that? All of that IMO is going in blind. So testing sex gives you the umph to make it happen? Not buying. The average couple consumate ahead of marriage and if that’s the case more marriages should stick, seeing they didn’t go in blind.
Purp
September 26th, 2011
12:11 pm
Sex is about 5th down the list, I can’t live without the things above it but if push came to shove I could live without sex
Celisea
September 26th, 2011
12:12 pm
BaTroll Obama…enough. We let ya’ll play this morning only because someone left the gate open but in case you don’t know the blog rule, trolls are not allowed to roam the blog during daylight hours.
Celisea
September 26th, 2011
12:14 pm
Purp – What’s top on your list?
Celisea
September 26th, 2011
12:14 pm
I think you have a very good outlook (your 12:11)
Matt
September 26th, 2011
12:14 pm
@Purp
Sex is very important at first, we absolutely need the passion to go along with your love. Sex is not as important later, especially if you are a guy, I say that because a guys labido isn’t as high as it was when he was 18, let’s be serious, however a woman’s sexual peak is at 30, huge difference.
TenderRoni
September 26th, 2011
12:15 pm
Who ever said men can’t have bad $ex was a lie. It happens. You can communicate to try and teach, or express your $exual desires, but if that man isn’t willing to 1st communicate, and 2nd willing to try (because of his own arrogance and pride) then we are not a match.
@Chistopher- I would suggest two things. One, what helped me get come out my shell was I explored my body by myself. Once I became comfortable with my own body, it allowed me to open up more $exually. Second, maybe she should see a $ex therapist.
Purp
September 26th, 2011
12:17 pm
Honesty,
Selfless
Sense of humor
Healthy(physically fit)
Family Oriented
Compatible Sexually with each other.
Purp
September 26th, 2011
12:19 pm
Matt, I disagree with your last statement. I am having better and more consistent sex in my 40’s and a woman’s sexual peak is what her mans makes it.
i'm swiss™
September 26th, 2011
12:19 pm
C — Actually, I think it would be pretty foolish to get married without discussing each and every one of the items you listed in great detail. Now, clearly, people can & do lie, so one or the other could misrepresent their true feelings on some issues in order to “sell” themselves, but hopefully you’d know your prospective mate well enough to know if he/she was being disingenuous.
Matt
September 26th, 2011
12:20 pm
Purp
You very well may be right, but I don’t think that is consistant with the norm.
Purp
September 26th, 2011
12:20 pm
No such thing as bad sex, it’s more like bad compatability. IMO
Matt
September 26th, 2011
12:22 pm
No, I have had very very bad sex, and we were compatible, married the girl and she just got worse and worse and worse.
Purp
September 26th, 2011
12:22 pm
Matt I think it’s because people are used to “microwave” lifestyle or Burger King lifestyle. They want it their way and they want it quick.
Purp
September 26th, 2011
12:24 pm
Matt, how do you know it was her that got worse?
Matt
September 26th, 2011
12:24 pm
No she just stopped caring, she wanted everything, she wanted me to be in shape, but not her, she wanted to spend money but not make it, she wanted me to be clean and not her, way too many double standards. Sex got progressively worse, as she stopped caring about my desires and only about her own.
Purp
September 26th, 2011
12:25 pm
Im not trying to side with the women or be a B.A.B. but I think the responsibility of a good sex life in a marriage is up to the man to handle. I mean if it’s your woman, tame her and find a way to make her purr. Because if you get divorced I am sure another man would get her right, so that essentially means that there is a better man than you…for your wife.
Celisea
September 26th, 2011
12:26 pm
Well folks, my phone died (yah) and I’m back to the Blackberry…aaaah! I felt so naked and lost without my cell phone this weekend. AT&T should be shot for celling (the phone I had) and me for leaving the Blackberry for that piece of trash. No longer it’s no longer carried. To think they wanted $379.00 when it first came out. Not!!! It’s the simple things in life ain’t it.
Matt
September 26th, 2011
12:26 pm
I tried everything I could to get her to WASH UP, the smell was over powering and could not be ignored, she gained about 50 pounds, the weight I can overlook somewhat, but not the smell, that was too much.
Celisea
September 26th, 2011
12:27 pm
selling selling selling…not celling…lol
Swiss – I agree
Amia
September 26th, 2011
12:27 pm
This blog is going so fast today. Hot Topic. Exiled, if you are still here….my friends ex-wife held out til they were married. I guess she under estimated the size. Keep in mind, she had medically induced coodie problems though.
That goes to show you how intimacy is important, not just sex. You can be married (or with) someone who you love, the sex, is great, and they are they are the greatest thing to you. What happens if something medical comes along and affects their desire? For men, you may lose the ability to rise to the occasion. Women may have desire or dryness problems. What then? You give up on your mate. That’s crazy!!!! it’s no wonder why we have such high divorce rates. Everyone looking for that “20%” they are missing instead of working it out with their “80%”.
Matt
September 26th, 2011
12:27 pm
I am sure there is someone better for my ex than I was, I can only overlook so much.
Celisea
September 26th, 2011
12:28 pm
Matt – I tried everything I could to get her to WASH UP
Obviously I missed something skipping over the funky posts (just not my cup of tea) but um, how did you marry someone you knew had a problem with odors?
Matt
September 26th, 2011
12:29 pm
Like I said, it wasn’t like that in the beginning, she stopped caring
Matt
September 26th, 2011
12:31 pm
She wanted everything, but refuse to sacrafice time to be clean, go to the gym, watch what she ate, spend within our means. She just stopped caring for anyone but herself, I hope she finds someone, I just hope she learned something
Celisea
September 26th, 2011
12:31 pm
Now Imma be real and say if I married an untried dude and he was yea big, we got reeeeallll problems. LOL
I will never forget being about 17 and on the the bus (Marta) with about 3 or 4 friends and a dude came to the back where we were sitting. I sat across from one of my friends and he sat next to her. She motioned for me to look down and what did my virgin eyes see??? OMGosh, I thought I would passout. I felt sick and nauseated. This dude had one where the length went about midway of his thigh. LOL Don’t know if that was some stunt but Celisea went to the front of the bus…LOL
Celisea
September 26th, 2011
12:33 pm
Yes, you could see the imprint through his tight pants. I was such a tender thing. I didn’t want to broach sex after that. It took me a loooooooooong time to get that imprint out of my mind.
Celisea
September 26th, 2011
12:33 pm
And I gather not erect.
Purp
September 26th, 2011
12:41 pm
Just when we brought the topic out of the gutter….Celisea throws it back in there
Matt
September 26th, 2011
12:46 pm
C-
For future reference talking about giant C-_- 3 posts in a row kills the conversation.
i'm swiss™
September 26th, 2011
12:50 pm
C — I’m sorry if I caused you any trauma on the bus that day. My bad.
Celisea
September 26th, 2011
12:56 pm
Sorry Purp
Matt – You ain’t been here long enough to make calls…LOL Just read along
Thanks Swiss – I’m over it
Sorry Purp
Celisea
September 26th, 2011
12:57 pm
And if funky infected chicks didn’t do for you nothing else should
SlimNu
September 26th, 2011
12:58 pm
Just because i’m eating at my desk does not mean i’m open to hear you go on and on and on about something that can wait until i’m done eating. just sayin
Confirmed Bachelor
September 26th, 2011
12:59 pm
Wise Diva wrote:
“Sometimes it can be tough being friends with a guy”
And sometimes it can be an Unholy nightmare being friends with a woman, so what are you saying WD?
Leggs
September 26th, 2011
1:03 pm
@Reio ~ thanks. I’m going to download it.
@SlimNu ~ true story. Stopped off at Publix to pick up pork chops for dinner tonight. I look at the guy next to me and notice he only has 2 tin cans of Altoids. I laughed out loud and he laughed. He then says “you know the inside joke about these?”
but I recover quickly and say “possibly” laughing all the way out the door. I will never look at Altoids the same.
SexyCool
September 26th, 2011
1:07 pm
Who’s watching Amazing Race?
Leggs
September 26th, 2011
1:09 pm
@SexyC ~ I’m watching. Love that show.
Kellibean
September 26th, 2011
1:11 pm
@Leggs…I’ve been ok. Just really, really busy. I check in every now and then to see what the topic is. Honestly, there hasn’t been too much lately worthy of chiming in on!
Matt
September 26th, 2011
1:12 pm
Don’t watch the amazing race, but survivor rocks!!!
SexyCool
September 26th, 2011
1:14 pm
SPOILER ALERT…..
I think the show girl dropping the passport was a set-up.
I like the farmers/grandparent teams. I like their energy. If they can get past next week and really get into the swing of the game, I think they will go far.
Wasn’t overly impressed by either of the Georgia teams.
TheDude has picked the snowboarders to win.
Leggs
September 26th, 2011
1:21 pm
@SexyC ~ I thought so too re dropping the passport. It was too convenient that those 2 guys got to the airport in time for them to get on the flight and still be in the race.
I too like the older couple. They just have to get their mo jo going. Why they didn’t think the jumbo screen held a clue made me laugh. The blond not memorizing the phrase was hysterical as well. But, it was a long phrase (lol).
SlimNu
September 26th, 2011
1:32 pm
Leggs – Now that is funny lololol Um…so we’re having pork chops tonight? Sounds good to me. When will dinner be ready?
Celisea
September 26th, 2011
1:33 pm
I hope the going on and on wasn’t for me. Shoot, my posts paled in comparison or I should say pale in comparison to anything MELLO posts. Just saying
Celisea
September 26th, 2011
1:34 pm
Where is WD anyway? She use to chime in every now and then.
Leggs
September 26th, 2011
1:41 pm
@SlimNu ~ since I’m home, dinner should be ready by 6:30. Baked pork chops in cream of mushroom soup, cabbage, broccoli and cornbread. Oh, don’t forget the red kool-aid (lol).
Purp
September 26th, 2011
1:43 pm
Beautiful day! Just a reminder that if you followed the plan correctly you should be able to run 8 miles straight by this weekend. but ummmmmmm
kimmie
September 26th, 2011
1:46 pm
SCool – I’m watching it. I agree the passport thing was a setup to add drama. It’s a good enough show on it’s own. Why do the producers feel they have to add drama to get ratings?
kimmie
September 26th, 2011
1:48 pm
4 Real – If you are around, I’m sure you watched Breaking Bad. What exactly did Walter do to get on Gus’s bad side? I’m not really getting it.
SlimNu
September 26th, 2011
1:48 pm
Oooooh, Not the red kool aid…Dayum, dat’s the shizznit right derrr!!! I cannot even begin to tell you the last time I had some koolaid. lol