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Is that really a dealbreaker?

Sometimes it can be tough being friends with a guy. When they come to me and whine about their dating woes, I try to be understanding and supportive. When they are the one breaking hearts, I have to call them out.
That’s what friends are for, right?

My buddy Lance decided to end things with someone who seemed really promising. She was nice enough but apparently her bedroom skills were lacking. Instead of talking to her about it, he decided to break things off.

Obviously, he wasn’t into her as much as I thought. If you decided that bad sex is enough to send you packing, you probably weren’t that invested in the relationship.

Personally, I think bad sex is something that can be improved, but do you agree? Would do consider it a deal breaker?

I do love my friend Lance but I think perhaps this is maturity thing. Do you think we reach a certain age when we should wise up a little? What age do we drop our so called dating deal breakers?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

376 comments Add your comment

oneofeach4me

September 26th, 2011
11:11 am

@SlimNu ~ that happens a lot! Actually me and my sisters were out on Sat night and a couple of guy friends were with us. One of them likes to act like the body guard (stand back and keeps watch over everyone, real incognito). So our friend comes over and tells my sister’s boyfriend that we need to move. Then I look over.. and some guy is standing there whacking off right by us while watching us dance. EEwwwww…….

Celisea

September 26th, 2011
11:12 am

Okay, I keep skipping over folks talking about funk but why is that still coming up? LOL I mean seriously who does that? If you can talk about it, makes me think you endured. A stankin’ woman is a nasty woman. If it’s due to some type of non STD related issue, then she’s lazy. Too lazy to get check out. I haven’t heard though of a condition that will bring the funk. But that’s just me.

Reio

September 26th, 2011
11:12 am

SlimNu – Probably should have told him “felt kinda small” That’ll start him thinking twice about continuing to do that.

Amia

September 26th, 2011
11:12 am

Wow, the comments have interesting this morning. Let me see what I can sum up. Someone said their ladies’ coodie stank. That’s nasty and if it was “over powering” then that stank was coming from deep within. That’s what we have the OBGYN docs. Time to go.

Christopher is really trying. I had a male friend that was in a similar situation. His problem was the size of his tool. It was like a third leg. His ex-wife couldn’t handle it at all. She had coodie problems (fibroids and some other things) that caused it to be extremely painful. They tried to work it out, but the lack of sex turned into resentment and ultimately lead to a divorce.

I think Celisea said sex is best when your with someone special. I agree. For me, that is the only time I can let loose. I can’t just open up and do whatever with just any ol body.

SlimNu

September 26th, 2011
11:13 am

Reio – I don’t see how you were able to ’stay afloat’ with that type of funkness raging from down under. Seems like that would be a reason for rapid deflation.

Skanky

September 26th, 2011
11:13 am

OMG I am dying laughing this morning!!!! SlimNu was dancing with a Wang….

Matt

September 26th, 2011
11:14 am

Is it wrong, that I cry during sex, it’s probably just the mace, lol jk.

Reio

September 26th, 2011
11:14 am

oneofeach4me – Sounds like a hole in the wall, where you & your sisters went.

SlimNu

September 26th, 2011
11:15 am

That’s when you pull a NY Giants move & fake a pulled hammy
swiss – Sooooo wrong but funny nonetheless :lol:

SlimNu

September 26th, 2011
11:16 am

oneofeach4me – Oh heyal naw…. :shock:

SlimNu

September 26th, 2011
11:17 am

skanky – :lol:

I have another thing that happened that night…brb

Exiled!

September 26th, 2011
11:18 am

@Amia?

So ur male friend’s wife only realized after they got married that his was super size?

is this another one that got to hit it only after the marriage?

we experiencing a lot of male buyer’s remorse today aren’t we.

Reio

September 26th, 2011
11:19 am

Leggs – What kind of antinirus/Antispyware you got?

oneofeach4me

September 26th, 2011
11:20 am

@Reio ~ Not a whole in the wall, but a little small and local yes. It was one of those trips to the club after having a few drinks at the pool hall and needing to dance it off.

@Slim ~ my sentiments EXACTLY!!

kimmie

September 26th, 2011
11:21 am

SCool – My sentiments exactly, Lance could definitely be the problem and probably is.

Leggs

September 26th, 2011
11:21 am

I said “commendable,” and meant it. For a man go court for 3 years and not have sex is more than commendable. I would think that’s hard to find these days.

i'm swiss™

September 26th, 2011
11:21 am

C — You weren’t alone. ;-) I saw several congratulatory comments for his decision to wait. And yeah, I knew that would be the primary justification, but I guess I was just hoping for some actual logical argument in favor of diving in blindly. ;-) :lol:

Seriously, though, I believe if you’re going to make that commitment (marriage) you should honor it. And because of that, I’d be wary of making such a commitment without having a very good idea of what I was signing up for.

Exiled!

September 26th, 2011
11:25 am

@Celisea!

speaking of funkiness

back in the day one of my best friends was hitting a chic from the back. She was a Big girl
He’s doing his thang,flexing and flexing then decides to switch it a lil bit and pulls it out.

Lo and behold,a sod of dudu was hanging on the tip of the Johnson
Eeeeeeew!

Big girls need some lil extra effort to really make sure all the crevices are wiped clean

Celisea

September 26th, 2011
11:27 am

Swiss – Oh, okay…glad I wasn’t alone in my stance :) You didn’t say hoping for actual logical argument in favor of driving blindly did you ???!!! Boy stop…lol

I’m with you on commitment but hey, better worse rich posted….tested or untried :mrgreen:

Matt

September 26th, 2011
11:28 am

@Exiled
Thank you, I was about to go to lunch after checking this one time more,I have lost my appetite.

Celisea

September 26th, 2011
11:29 am

MMEELLOO – Um, I’m trying to pass over the funky convos…lol I definitely didn’t need to read that…ewwww, just plain ole nasty. Didn’t clean after the dooky shute and then on to another at that??? Ewwww. One better be dang selective cause folks that don’t care about their health sho won’t give a flying flip about yours. Just nasty.

Reio

September 26th, 2011
11:29 am

Exiled! – I’m assuming your friend told you this. You were’nt there to witness it yourself. It’s a crap shoot sometimes.

kimmie

September 26th, 2011
11:29 am

Swiss – I’m actually with you on that. I was brought up a “good girl” and all that, but going in blind – no could do. It would have been just my luck to end up with some weirdo or something. Nope, had to know what I was working with.

SlimNu

September 26th, 2011
11:30 am

Night out continued – So we move into another room of the spot we were in. We’re all together sort of sipping, dancing, talking etc. This guy tries to put his hand around my waist as I’m dancing so I politely move. He keeps trying to put his hand around my waist and pull me to him so whip around and say, “Will you PLEASE STOP EFFING TOUCHING ME!” Folks are looking and I go back to my friends. Next thing I feel is beer being poured on the back of my shirt. I turn around and it’s the same guy there standing facing the bar as if he had no idea anything happened. I grab his arm and point my finger into his chest and was like’ You bas tard just poured your beer on me!..why the eff did you do that?!” He tries to play the role of he doesn’t know what i’m talking about and denying it. So I punched him in his chest and say you know damn well you just did that. He asked me why he would do such a thing and I told him because You’re an Idiot. I was like, you just bought that beer and it’s all fuzzed up because you poured it on my you dumbazz. So my friends and his friend come over there between us. He has the nerve to say I don’t know who i’m messing with. I said, YOU don’t know who you’re messing with but clearly you’re the idiot ass hole in this scenario. I left at that point.

Celisea

September 26th, 2011
11:30 am

Okay, I got some of MMEELLOO’s post wrong because I was moving past it real qucik…lol Gotcha. Still just as nasty though.

Leggs

September 26th, 2011
11:30 am

@Reio ~ I have SYMANTEC.

@one ~ what club were you dancing in that that was even possible.

BB in a few. I’m home playing hookey and decided to bring lunch to my child. Sometimes we all need a break from cafeteria school food (lol)

Exiled!

September 26th, 2011
11:31 am

Reio.. :lol:

a good reporter reports like he was there!
:lol:

Button

September 26th, 2011
11:33 am

@Exiled eewwwwww! did he even use a condo m?

Christopher

September 26th, 2011
11:36 am

I do realize that I might have made a mistake for not having sex with her before marriage. A lot of people have told me that. However, you can’t make a girl have sex with you if she doesn’t want to. I guess I was just optimistic and I never thought it could be as bad as it is. I know I made a commitment and I want to honor that commitment but at what price. I can only give so much without her not giving anything at all. When is enough enough and to what point should I be miserable in our relationship just to fulfill a commitment. We have a long life on this earth hopefully and need to be happy with it as much as we can. I do hope all of this all ends up well and I stay with my wife.

Skanky

September 26th, 2011
11:42 am

@Exiled! I am crying over here!!! OMG….. That is just gross. Maybe she can’t wipe back there because of her size……

Celisea

September 26th, 2011
11:43 am

Christopher – Don’t be persuaded that you did wrong by not having sex. It’s your call and you felt it was worth it. I still think you just having tapped into or tapped it right. It’s your woman, get in there and find out what makes her tick. It ain’t wrong to do right.

oneofeach4me

September 26th, 2011
11:43 am

@Leggs ~ it’s not like it was noticeable as in “all out in the open”. He had his hands in his pants and was looking off as though he wasn’t doing anything and he was standing behind a bar that is next to the dancefloor.

Matt

September 26th, 2011
11:44 am

By a friend of yours do mean “you” Exiled?

Exiled!

September 26th, 2011
11:46 am

Wiping is a big deal coz I use lots if tissue myself just to make sure.

A Big girl gotta do more to completely clean and reach the hidden parts coz of the flabby parts.

It’s hard to sex a Big girl

@Button,I’m sure he did!

Naaaaasty!

SexyCool

September 26th, 2011
11:47 am

Christopher….What about counseling?

Reio

September 26th, 2011
11:47 am

Leggs – Go to the COMODO dot com websight. Download the free antivirus. Install, run a scan, and I’ll bet you it will flag this program and stop it. Works well with SYMANTEC or any others.

Exiled!

September 26th, 2011
11:47 am

No not me

Seriously

SexyCool

September 26th, 2011
11:48 am

And was this a religion related decision?

Maybe you answered these questions earlier…if so, I apologize for skimming.

Matt

September 26th, 2011
11:48 am

Wow did this conversation really go all way to wiping, wow

Purp

September 26th, 2011
11:49 am

This conversation is gross.

Matt

September 26th, 2011
11:52 am

@Exiled
Please don’t go that far again, I think we all agree that is over the line and gross.

SexyCool

September 26th, 2011
11:52 am

Okay…I see that she refuses counseling…and that she was a virgin.

Is she/are you religious?

Exiled!

September 26th, 2011
11:52 am

Now I’m cracking up :lol:

Reio

September 26th, 2011
11:53 am

The lower intestines is where that stuff stays until you push it out. Maybe your friend entered that area while thrusting once or twice, and pulled out some bad stuff.

Paul

September 26th, 2011
11:53 am

Call me old fashioned, but the question shouldn’t even arise during “dating”. The sex should be taking place in marriage.

Celisea

September 26th, 2011
11:54 am

Please folks, can we move away from the nasty???

SlimNu

September 26th, 2011
11:54 am

They have flushable booty wipes if a little extra assistance is needed in the cleanliness area

i'm swiss™

September 26th, 2011
11:54 am

Christopher — Don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t trying to throw you under the bus for waiting until marriage. And I certainly don’t think you did anything wrong by waiting. The point I was trying to make had more to do with this puritanical notion that waiting until marriage is, by definition, the best course of action, and that doing otherwise is somehow less moral.

Personally, I would find it to be more honorable to be able to actually honor your vows — even if that means you had sex before committing to those vows — than to make the vows blindly and then not be able to honor them. Again, I’m speaking more about the cultural perceptions here, not trying to pick on you specifically.

Purp

September 26th, 2011
12:05 pm

How important is sex to a marriage? When seriously ranking ideal marriage traits or desire that you have for you marriage where does sex rank?

Barack Obama

September 26th, 2011
12:10 pm

This conversation is priceless. I can’t wait until I get back to the White House. Watch out, Michelle! Whooohoooo. Gonna hit that thang tonight. I hope she’s cleaned up…