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Is that really a dealbreaker?

Sometimes it can be tough being friends with a guy. When they come to me and whine about their dating woes, I try to be understanding and supportive. When they are the one breaking hearts, I have to call them out.
That’s what friends are for, right?

My buddy Lance decided to end things with someone who seemed really promising. She was nice enough but apparently her bedroom skills were lacking. Instead of talking to her about it, he decided to break things off.

Obviously, he wasn’t into her as much as I thought. If you decided that bad sex is enough to send you packing, you probably weren’t that invested in the relationship.

Personally, I think bad sex is something that can be improved, but do you agree? Would do consider it a deal breaker?

I do love my friend Lance but I think perhaps this is maturity thing. Do you think we reach a certain age when we should wise up a little? What age do we drop our so called dating deal breakers?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

376 comments Add your comment

Jeff

September 26th, 2011
5:47 am

I’ve wasted countless years talking to assorted gf’s about bedroom changes. It never works. Move on to someone you’re compatible with in all areas.

Gwinnette Diva

September 26th, 2011
6:32 am

I know someone that married the person he was dating and the sex is bad. He is miserable……..

Shallow folks are out there

September 26th, 2011
6:56 am

I like great sex as much as anyone, but someone who walks away from a partner who could be a true soul mate because of less than stellar sex is a shallow, self-absorbed jerk.

Dexter Worthington IV

September 26th, 2011
6:56 am

I’ll take bad sex over a funky smelling beaver. You can improve your game, but stank is forever.

nokiddingsherlock

September 26th, 2011
6:56 am

How does a guy have bad sex? i’ve never had bad sex. she may have, but not me.

jraw

September 26th, 2011
6:57 am

It depends. I am a man so for a woman to be considered bad then she must be awful. I would let her know what I like and how I like it, if she doesn’t want to accomodate then she is history. If she does accomodate but is bad at it then I would work with her but I guess at my age if she doesn’t know how to please a man then she never will. LOL!

nokiddingsherlock

September 26th, 2011
6:58 am

dexter: a girl can control the ’stank’. you must be dating some filthy ho’s

Can't wait for the ATL "locals" to jump on this one....

September 26th, 2011
6:59 am

This should be a great topic. World-class urban breeders Chantrelle, Taquanda, Lemonjello, and Sexxxxxydivvvvvva should have a blast posting on this topic. They certainly have the expertise…

James

September 26th, 2011
7:08 am

Really? I feel like it can’t be that hard for a girl to be at least decent in bed. Just enjoy what’s going on, be in some sort of physical shape, and realize it’s not any fun if you just lay there…

Matt

September 26th, 2011
7:11 am

Hmmmm…. Interesting
Hard to answer, I have had stank before, and if they do nothing about it, and know about it they are gone.
If they just don’t know how to have sex, teach them, it should be fun for all. However breaking it to them that they suck at sex soo bad that you have to teach them what to do, that can be an ego killer, man or woman.

Jaybird

September 26th, 2011
7:14 am

Dex,

Just tell ‘em their nether regions would be a good place for some febreeze.

No Deal

September 26th, 2011
7:15 am

Bad sex–dealbreaker from day 1. Good sex isn’t hard to do.

Bill Clinton

September 26th, 2011
7:16 am

Stank ain’t nothing that a good cuban cigar won’t fix.

Matt

September 26th, 2011
7:17 am

I think that their are some more tactful ways to address that issue. Funny none the less but unless it’s love you may be lookin for a new gf if you say it like that.

Name (required)

September 26th, 2011
7:29 am

Maybe he’s overly critical. Give me the chick’s name. I’ll let you know if she really is bad.

yes

September 26th, 2011
7:29 am

bad sex, and especially a bad kisser – is a dealbreaker. When I lived in chicago, I pushed like mad for 6 months for a date from this absolute midwestern cutie. She finally saw the light and we went on a lunch date that lasted for about 12 hours! We hit it off like no one I’d ever been out with. I finally got to give her a smooch on her sofa and her jaws snapped open like a bear trap!

her teeth were literally scraping the tops of my lips and I couldn’t get her to shut that gaping canyon to safe my life. I bailed out, claiming an early work schedule and ran for my life! deal BROKEN. About 6 months later I told one of her buddies… that episode still freaks me out 12 years later

Non John Holmes

September 26th, 2011
7:30 am

The only bad sex is no sex!

wise old man

September 26th, 2011
7:31 am

bad sex is like pizza…even bad pizza is still pizza.

Richard

September 26th, 2011
7:35 am

When your Wife just wants you to get on top and when shes done, its over.Can turn you off real fast.

Matt

September 26th, 2011
7:36 am

Anyone who says the only bad sex is no sex, needs to watch orgazmo (Trey Parker and Matt Stone movie) the portion I am talking about is when the giant fat girl that speaks like a man gets on top of Trey parker. Most of the time it isn’t a deal breaker, most problems can be fixed in bed and be fun in the process, not being great in bed can be a good thing too, if someone is inexperienced, then that can mean that she/he was waiting for the right person to give themselves to and that shouldn’t be looked down upon.

bigguy

September 26th, 2011
7:42 am

jus getta girfriend

Dave

September 26th, 2011
7:46 am

Umm….well, heck YEAH! I’ve found that at my age )45) they either know how to they don’t WANT to know how. I don’t have the desire to “teach” a 35-45 yar old woman what to do in bed. There are small “preferences” that can be conveyed, but basically you either have it or you don’t. And besides, women seem to freak out if you suggest that she do things differently. In their world, that’s basically telling them that they aren’t any good the first time. Drama….. Sex is too much a part of a relationship to have it bad. People that think sex is overrated simply have never had it good or don’t CARE if they have it good or not. Where do you think all of these affairs and the Ashley madison website come from. People want to be satisfied in bed and it will rear it’s head sooner or later in the relationship.

Dave

September 26th, 2011
7:48 am

In other words, if you are lackidasical or just go through the motions, you will die alone or die with some non-libido nothing. Pick your poison.

Skanky

September 26th, 2011
7:49 am

Bad overweight sex cannot be fixed! I will never date another overweight man again! You get tired of just making out because the other person is too fat for action. Also seeing fat sores while trying to perform oral fun is not attractive as well. I would rather become a nun…..

Phil

September 26th, 2011
7:51 am

sex isn’t everything, but it does need to be satisfying in order for a relationship to flourish

dc

September 26th, 2011
7:53 am

no question it’s a deal breaker, especially if someone is looking to get married. bad sex before marriage usually translates into no sex during marriage……(since it pretty much means the person doesn’t care enough to figure out something that’s really pretty easy). life is too short for that.

Mr. Unknown

September 26th, 2011
7:55 am

Bad sex a deal breaker? Naw, not at first, I think everyone has a grace period to prove themselves. Open communication will always the be the key to better sex, If you feel that person is worth it.

Now the smelly part uhhh I had a couple of those in my life. Not a fun ride at all!!! The smell sticks around long after she is gone, its simply a horrible first impression for sex… Thats a deal breaker!!

Here’s a question, When do you show that your a freak in bed? When do you unveil the inner freak in you? What is considered too freaky? This is an add on to the main topic.

Thought this was a Friday topic? Anyway, Have a good Morning Wise and Friends!!

confused

September 26th, 2011
8:03 am

If you have serious second thoughts about anything, sex, etc, then it’s not the right match. All this stuff isn’t complicated. Things are either right or they aren’t. You’ll know its right, when its right…you won’t have to ‘think about it so much”.

Ron "Hedgehog" Jeremy

September 26th, 2011
8:06 am

I have found a food that is guaranteed to stop bad sex, or just sex in general……..It’s called a wedding cake.

Matt

September 26th, 2011
8:12 am

People say all the time that you will find your spouse attractive after years of marriage, wait until she gains 50 pounds and wants sex all the time. Not a happy situation, I love sex as much as the next guy, but you gotta draw a line somewhere saying that you gotta keep it spiced up. Old age, acceptable during marriage, massive weight gain, not. And to be clear, we are not talking post baby weight gain, just glutony.

Always Skeptical

September 26th, 2011
8:13 am

It’s such an important area for the relationship. It really forms the basis for ultimate compatibility and communication. If it’s bad, and you can figure it out and it becomes great, you’re got a winner. It’s it’s bad, and you can’t get it to be better with effort and communication, and if your partner seems squeamish or uninterested…you better run. I have dear friends, married for 18 years, 5 kids, no sex until marriage, horrible sex since the honeymoon, mainly just to have kids then huge droughts in between. They practically hate each other now…and will probably split when the youngest one starts college…I feel so bad for them…They both say that they completely failed the most important compatibility tests early on and are sticking it out for the kids.

Whiskey Breath

September 26th, 2011
8:13 am

I didn’t know there was such thing as bad sex. Maybe you guys need to provide examples.

Michael

September 26th, 2011
8:16 am

A woman who if frigid during dating is going to be the same or worse after marriage. She obviously has some underlying psychological issues. Also preachers discuss home of origin, family or not and financial issues in pre-marital counseling but no one discusses sexual compatibility. By that I mean the strength of one’s libido (not particulars). If one person is content with 1-2-3x a month and the other person wants it every day you have major marriage problems before you even tie the not…food for thought…

scubasteve

September 26th, 2011
8:19 am

You don’t finish in two pumps too? Oh well.

missy

September 26th, 2011
8:20 am

Unfortunately it is a deal-breaker, if your mate can’t satisfy you and you remain in the relationship (dating) then you will be miserable and maybe even cheat, sex is NOT everything, however, its is important component. I was dating a guy that was the love of my life, however, the sex was just terrible, we tried everything to change the situation, he asked me to marry him and I told him that I couldn’t do it, because either he was going to be unhappy or I would have been unhappy, its not worth it, in the long run I did us both a favor by being truthful to myself as well as too my mate. I would rather walk away than cheat on someone you love.

Basil

September 26th, 2011
8:24 am

Alcohol is the key to good sex. Roofies help, too.

Matt

September 26th, 2011
8:24 am

I love to have sex often, but being married for a few years and being married to a woman that wanted to sleep naked all the time and gained a lot of weight and stopped taking care of herself in the nether regions, sex became unappealing to me, so yes there is such a thing as bad sex, but there can be some underlying reasons for lack of sex. People can tell that a bad smell is around and if they do nothing about it, that is a huge problem, even and especially during marriage, massive unattractive changes that may cause a man to not get arroused will definitly change the dynamic of sex in a relationship, love may be blind, but let’s cut the crap, you can’t expect to get everything and not sacrafice cheesecake and icecream 3 times a day.

Michael

September 26th, 2011
8:29 am

Is this the AJC or Cosmopolitan?

been there, left that

September 26th, 2011
8:30 am

Bad is bad – leave them. I can live with inexperienced (you can tell the difference), but bad has to go.

When I get enamored with a girl she must be the best I have had to-date or she never will be. There’s always that “wild thing” in you past that does crazy things, but the one I am with now must be the best (the emotional connection is a huge part of it)

Destin Dawg

September 26th, 2011
8:32 am

all these fat a$$ women from Ala. Tenn.. in bikini’s… got to lose the weight girls… you can fanticize… but the fat won’t go away !!!!

Single in the City

September 26th, 2011
8:33 am

YES, it’s a deal breaker! Sex is a major component of any relationship and if someone says it’s not, they’re lying!! If a man cannot please me sexually, I will not be satisified in any other aspect of our relationship. Sex is the glue in my relationships…so you better know how to do it well!! :)

shaboo

September 26th, 2011
8:34 am

I was married to a man who was a TERRIBLE kisser for 21 years. I love him but I could never tell him how bad a kisser he was. I tried to tell him he was drowning me when we first started dating, but after that, I just avoided French kissing him. :(

Superman

September 26th, 2011
8:36 am

Hey Single in the City, up for some fun today?? :)

OLD Dawg

September 26th, 2011
8:36 am

they get fat…. then they want YOU to take Viagra… still can’t get it up when she’s 200 lbs…

shaboo

September 26th, 2011
8:36 am

P.S. Since my divorce, I dated a guy who was an INCREDIBLE kisser and was equipped, shall I say, for great sex. But…..he was not a giving lover. It was ALL about him and NEVER about me. And….he never wanted to talk. Just do the deed and watch a movie in silence.

One Love

September 26th, 2011
8:40 am

I am with you Single…if she cannot curl my toes, she is gone in 60 seconds…

u

September 26th, 2011
8:41 am

Shaboo… I’ll make it all about you.. I LOVE to eat the canned tuna from the bottom shelf!

Dr. Ruth

September 26th, 2011
8:43 am

Any minute now we’ll get some posters rambling on about how shallow we are, how we have one track minds, how we are too focused on sex and proclaim all of the “intagibles” about relationships, being grounded, being sweet, being your “soul mate”. News flash, those are good, too, and very necessary. But an exciting sexual relationship or at the very least a satisfactory sexual relationship is the gas in the car. It’s just not going to go anywhere without it.

Unless you don’t care one whit about it and in that case, you are on your own….literally.

Dirk Diggler

September 26th, 2011
8:43 am

BAD SEX IS A DEAL BREAKER, IM SORRY IF HE OR SHE CANT PERFORM IN THE BED IM SORRY DEAL BREAKER FOR ME I NEED A FREAK IN THE BEDROOM

Matt

September 26th, 2011
8:43 am

Women-Don’t be fooled, us guys are visual creatures, you stop taking care of your self all together, sex will stop!!!
Men-Any guy that disagrees with me is either fooling himself, or truly in love with the person, in which case sex will not matter.

Women-most guys want to be dominant, but that doesn’t mean that all you have to do is be fish, and kiss like a lizzard, it’s not sexy. Freak in the bed can be a nice change up, let your wild side out in bed.
Men-If you aint gonna last, slow it down, and don’t blow it, a minute man is not liked by women and for god sakes foreplay makes a huge difference, take your time.