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First date? Watch the hands!

If I were to list one of my all-time worst first dates, I would have to put my date with Mr. Octopus at the top. It’s bad enough when someone is not picking up on the lack of chemistry, but when you add inappropriate body groping? You are reaching creepy status, thereby reducing your chances of another date.

My guy friends teased me about this because they think if I thought the guy was hot, I wouldn’t mind being groped! Apparently, women only object because they aren’t really attracted in the first place.

I can’t say with certainty if that is true or not. I just know that if someone is giving you the “Why are you caressing my thigh?” face and you continue – in an attempt to be seductive, it’s a turnoff. Also, don’t be surprised when you meet my taser gun.

Everyone has different comfort levels, though. When do you feel comfortable “touching” your date? When does it become too much?

How do you signal that you are open – or not open- to the public displays of affection, or other physical contact?

Guys, if a woman complained or asked you to watch your hands, would you think she was an ice queen?

Shouldn’t you be able to tell or read the signs when someone is not feeling you..feeling them?

Have you ever been on a date and they could not keep their hands off you -in a bad way? How did you handle it?

Happy Friday!

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

184 comments Add your comment

hardmanb

September 23rd, 2011
6:41 am

“Guys, if a woman complained or asked you to watch your hands, would you think she was an ice queen?”

No…I’d just think she had respect for herself.

joe

September 23rd, 2011
6:43 am

This one’s pretty simple: it’s called respect. No one should be groping or feeling up on a first date. Period. You haven’t earned that right yet.

Matt

September 23rd, 2011
7:12 am

This is actually a hard one to talk about, in the days where one night stands are common and sex on the first date seems to be a norm, trying to figure out what is expected of each new girl can be a challenge. Too litte, or too much will surely prevent a date from happening again. I miss the old courting days where things were a bit simpler. Each girl is different and will take to affection of any kind in a different way, which coming from a guy is really a pain in the azz. A guy’s mind is very simple A+B=C, I do this I get this result. Bring back the days of simple!!!!

ron

September 23rd, 2011
7:32 am

You knew from the beginning that you were not attracted to the person initially or that you did not have any vibes,so why accept the date costing that person the expense of having to pay for the meal and other expenses, incurring the cost of getting prepared for the date. Just be honest and say there is no attraction or there is no chemistry and move on.Women just be honest and lay-out the ground rules of no touching,no sex,no kissing until you feel comfortable.If nothing happens after a while persons are intelligent enough to move on.Just make sure the person has character and a sense of intelligence before accepting a date,that involves doing your homework by becoming involved in conversations getting to know a little bit about the person first,this involves both gender.

thewindwhistler

September 23rd, 2011
7:34 am

the big men on campus[school] get the girls. these are football players. they do not pursue, the girls do. if she is pretty enough he gives her a chance to date him. If she comes across as a little cool and is concerned aboutr his hands, she is out of the picture. That is the real world., if he even remembers her name she will be grateful, need i say more?

Matt

September 23rd, 2011
7:42 am

@wind
Are you Charlie Sheen? A rock star on mars, because you obviously don’t live in the real world and for most of us, we are no longer in school. In the real world a man has got to be the one to approach the girl and go after her, a lot of things have changed, but generally speaking if a guy just waits for the girl to come after him and he never makes the attempt to ever kiss her and waits for her to kiss him, it would be the end of the human race!!!

Sharecropper

September 23rd, 2011
7:55 am

Ah, should one infer that there is appropriate body groping?

Lady Strange

September 23rd, 2011
8:09 am

I personally am not keen on being touched by strangers, so it takes me a while to get comfortable with someone. That being said, there should be no groping on the first date, none. Maybe a hug after the date is over, if the woman is comfortable with it. Guys, that means ask first! Groping is never acceptable on a first date.

Jeff

September 23rd, 2011
8:14 am

I find it extremely funny that this week the topics have been men that a high maintenance and watch your hands. As if I’m supposed to lay awake at night worrying about women as a collective are going to approve of what I’m doing. In the mean time, this same group of women want the right to get their freak on with one night stands, a booty call, a purely-physical relationship when they so choose and without judgement from me.

I think I see the problem in relationships.

I'm too Sexy For My Shirt....too sexxxy!

September 23rd, 2011
8:18 am

If you looked like me people would want to touch you too. Now sing…I’m too sexxxy for my shirt, to sexy.

Sweet Pea

September 23rd, 2011
8:26 am

Good Morning,

Being touchy feely on a first date will get you quickly dismissed as it wouldn’t matter whether I’m attracted to you or not! I feel that it is inappropriate and shows you have no respect or self-control. Everyone should keep their hands to themselves on first dates in my opinion unless you’re just wanting a quicky, and of course there has to be a mutual agreement with that!!

Ezra

September 23rd, 2011
8:30 am

Offer them money, it should work.

Leggs

September 23rd, 2011
8:45 am

Good morning.

I wouldn’t care if the guy was handsome or not, there will be no touching/groping on the first date. For one, it’s disrespectful. Two, it tells me you’re not interested in getting to know me in the slightest, but moreso my body.

@windwhistler ~ it’s called “BMOC” (Big Man on Campus). The acronym became popular when Gary Coleman coined that phrase on “Different Strokes” decades ago.

Matt

September 23rd, 2011
8:52 am

@Jeff
Amen Brother
Ok, I have tried many different things with all types of girls, good, bad, normal, and I have learned one unmistakable fact, men think that women are absolutely crazy, mostly because of double standards from what I have seen, and women think that men are idiots, mostly because we can’t read minds, body language, hints that other women think are obvious, but men don’t really pay that much attention to. If a guy asks to kiss a girl, then he is considered weak and not dominant enough, if he goes for it to early or too late then he is either sex crazed or not sex crazed enough. Come on ladies, you gotta give us a little more help than that.

Leggs

September 23rd, 2011
8:54 am

Well he didn’t necessarily “coin” the phrase himself.

Leggs

September 23rd, 2011
8:57 am

“If a guy asks to kiss a girl, then he is considered weak and not dominant enough” – Neither one has ever crossed my mind. Wow, is that really the thought, if a guys asks to kiss a girl he’s considered weak. That’s new to me.

“if he goes for it to early or too late then he is either sex crazed or not sex crazed enough.” – It is never too late to go for a kiss, unless you guys have stopped dating.

Matt

September 23rd, 2011
9:05 am

@Leggs
I have gone into great discussion about this with many women, women generally speaking not saying all want a take charge guy, that doesn’t ask for permission, but knows somehow what is ok and what isn’t. From my observation women want a guy that is the “alpha” but treats them right and doesn’t go behind their back. This in it’s own nature is a flaw, the “alpha” will most of the time act like an “alpha” and go out with as many girls as possible and go behind their backs. That is what “alpha male” means. Why would someone expect a guy like that to change the way he thinks and what has worked for him his entire life, which also explains the why so many girls get cheated on by the same guys over and over and over again.

Button

September 23rd, 2011
9:12 am

GM,absolutely no groping on the first date…tsk tsk

Now if we’re enjoying each other’s company and as the date goes on and IF I’m feeling him, then I’m going to feel on him in a subtle way, nothin heavy, just a little touch on his arm while we’re talking.

Lady Strange

September 23rd, 2011
9:13 am

I agree with you Leggs, I would not consider a man who asked to kiss a girl as being weak. I would think it was quite sweet for him to ask.

While it’s never too late for a kiss, you can be too early. Kisses don’t go with first dates. Maybe a second date, but that’s going to depend on the woman and how good the chemistry is.

@Matt – I don’t think we want the “alpha” male. I think most women want a man who will respect us and treat us with kindness. Those things don’t require an “alpha” male.

Leggs

September 23rd, 2011
9:19 am

the “alpha” will most of the time act like an “alpha” and go out with as many girls as possible and go behind their backs. That is what “alpha male” means. I never looked at it this way and probably never will. In my mind, the “alpha” male is one of strength, protection, security, dominance. Not necessarirly dominating multiple women at one time, but the “head” in the relationship he’s cultivating. Sure, he can use his prowess while dating, but a true “alpha” will not sneek behind backs. If you’re dating others, then speak on it. But to go behind one’s back will get the title “dog” attached to “alpha!”

An “alpha male” is another species, one that is admirable.

“..women generally speaking not saying all want a take charge guy… but knows somehow what is ok and what isn’t.” That’s exactly what women want. Everyone should know right from wrong, esp. in dating.

Matt

September 23rd, 2011
9:24 am

@Lady Strange
I love that there are still women out there that want to be treated right. And when I mention double standards 2 guys can do exactly the same thing with exactly the same girl, in exactly the same manner, yet one will be looked at like a jerk and the other will be looked at as sweet and kind. I try to be a good guy and get to know girls before I even attempt to date them to avoid that simple problem. If I see a girl go to a guy that continues to cheat on her and she continues to take him back, she’s out. If I see a girl that looks at making out, like she does hand shakes, she’s out, if I see her be ungrateful for a guy that is honest a god putting his best effort in, being respectable and a gentleman, she’s out. These are characteristic that I run into more often than not, and they are not worth my time. I really wish that the “good girl” like you hear about and see on tv and books is out there, but I am beginning to lose faith in the “good girl” mythe.

Into the Light

September 23rd, 2011
9:24 am

Good morning, all!

@Matt: You might be overthinking things a bit. Maybe just relax, enjoy your dates, and let things take their natural course. When you’re more relaxed and at ease, it’s easier to pick up on body language and signals. As a woman, i do like a take-charge man, but I don’t want a cave man. I can’t speak for all women and say that they act the same, but in general, I find subtle ways to let my date know if I’m open to a good night kiss or hug. You know what, though? If he didn’t pick up on them and asked me if it were okay to give me a kiss or a hug, I would see that as being respectful, not weak.

Matt

September 23rd, 2011
9:30 am

@light
It’s very possible that I over think things
@leggs
I think you are very naive when it comes to guys. Most guys I know that are dominant, even the married ones, aren’t the guys you are referring to. The ones you are talking about are a very rare breed.

OUCH ! i bumped my head

September 23rd, 2011
9:32 am

Now days women play grab azz just as much if not more then men Just Sayin.

Into the Light

September 23rd, 2011
9:34 am

@Matt: That’s not necessarily a bad thing…I admire an analytical nature (since I resemble that remark) LOL. But sometimes, you just have to exhale and let things be what they are. :)

Morning, Leggs!!!

Leggs

September 23rd, 2011
9:37 am

Listening to Marvin Gaye’s “Come Get to This.” Memories, memories of house parties in the basement…good times!

Leggs

September 23rd, 2011
9:40 am

@Matt ~ I’m cool with you thinking I’m naive. And, they may be a rare breed, but I will find mine! Just like I’m a rare breed! Please believe.

Leggs

September 23rd, 2011
9:42 am

Morning, ITL!

Matt

September 23rd, 2011
9:51 am

The “good girl” is a rare breed as well, I really do hope there are still women out there that appreciate the little things. I can be the “head” of the relationship, but I am no “alpha” I am just a normal guy that wants to have some good times throw down a few drinks every once in a while and live and let live, I hate drama though, and avoid it like the plague.

Leggs

September 23rd, 2011
9:54 am

That’s what most of us want as well. I appreciate those little things more than I do the big things (always have). Those little things have a much bigger voice and impact!!!

Exiled!

September 23rd, 2011
10:02 am

@fellas!

U don’t ask a lady if u can kiss her or not. If u have any eye for romance at all,u are going to feel it. It doesn’t matter it’s a first date or what. She will glide closer,touch u herself,have this spark in her eye and smile and she will want to be real close to u when u two are standing up. When u look at her,she gives u the ‘comeon’ by way of her eyes. U feel it and u Grab It,go for the kill!

Yes,yu can smash on a first date as well as long as u know how to read and follow thru!

@Lady Strange? Who asks first before kissing a woman,that’s lame?
good morning!

Matt

September 23rd, 2011
10:02 am

Being a guy and trying to win the attention of a girl is far harder than women think, and most women can’t appreciate the effort that it takes to walk up to a girl and ask her out. Women more often than not are the rejectors, as opposed to the rejectees. So next time a guy comes up to one of you think for a minute aobut what it takes to get the nerve to do that over and over and over again. If you are not into him, let him know, but don’t be horrible about it. Then again it does mean that the situation has a lot to do with it.

i'm swiss™

September 23rd, 2011
10:03 am

Morning, blogville.

Man, whatever happened to that troll from a while back (I can’t even remember the moniker)…? This would be a perfect topic for him (or her?):

“If she doesn’t like you groping her thigh, put it in her butt.” :lol:

Matt

September 23rd, 2011
10:05 am

@Exiled
That is what I have been saying!!! However the girl needs to give some pretty obvious hints, most guys are clueless about the certain looks a girl gives.

Matt

September 23rd, 2011
10:06 am

Wow SWISS!!! That came outta no where

Into the Light

September 23rd, 2011
10:06 am

most guys are clueless about the certain looks a girl gives

I have not found this to be the case….

i'm swiss™

September 23rd, 2011
10:08 am

Matt — That was a quote. A while back there was somebody who would post some variation of that theme every day, no matter the topic.

Leggs

September 23rd, 2011
10:10 am

@Matt ~ I’m going to be honest here. I am the type that truly understands that it takes a lot for some guys to walk up to a woman and ask her to dance or even out for a date. I never shoot him down for asking. I even dance with him when I don’t feel like dancing. He asked so nothing wrong with saying yes. It’s a dance. Thank him for the dance then go back and sit down. In some instances, it’s ok to say yes when you want to say no…more should try it.

And, no, I don’t say yes to every guy who asks. Heck, I’ve gone and asked a few guys to dance and would be turned down. I remember 4 guys one night to dance and they all said no. Each time I walked away laughing. Didnt discourage me in the slightest way.

Celisea

September 23rd, 2011
10:10 am

Matt – Imma have to disagree somewhat with you. Trying to determine whether or not groping, kissing and touching is okay on the first date SHOULD be a hard read. You’re a stranger to her and she’s a stranger to you and it’s not appropriate. After getting to know your SO should be relatively easy knowing when there’s an opening or if she’s cool with you taking one. I believe in give and take from both but danggonit I don’t want to say EVERY TIME, it’s okay to touch me here, it’s okay to kiss me there. I’m not giving no signs on the first date….YOU’RE A STRANGER…lol

Matt

September 23rd, 2011
10:10 am

Jeff

September 23rd, 2011
10:11 am

Let me let you women in on a little secret:

The day they taught mind reading class, men skipped school and went to the beach drinking and picking up chics in bikinis. I can’t read your mind, and am not going to try because you can’t make up your mind to begin with.

When you can make up your mind and stick to it longer than the next Oprah recommendation, lifetime movie, or sex and the city episode, let me know.

Exiled!

September 23rd, 2011
10:11 am

and the ’sweet guys’ end up in the lame or friend zone a lot of times!

The guys who take risks or go for broke are the ones who scoop the cherry!

Dating is much like Investing and wealth creation.

U wanna get rich,take some calculated risk.

Asking to kiss is not taking risk!

It’s Jellyback-ing! :lol:

5Jay

September 23rd, 2011
10:11 am

@I’m too Sexy For My Shirt….too sexxxy!

I can’t get that stupid song outta my head,if i start walking around the office singig I’m just gonna go home.

Celisea

September 23rd, 2011
10:12 am

Jeff – It’s not about mind reading. Know your partner…lol So I guess women need to take ya’ll to the water and make you drink too??

Leggs

September 23rd, 2011
10:14 am

Guess I contradicted myself by saying I never shoot him down. Meaning, I’m not mean or rolling of the eyes or cold shoulder, but I don’t say yes to all that ask.

Celisea

September 23rd, 2011
10:14 am

Asking to kiss is not taking risk!

It’s Jellyback-ing!

As much as I hate to agree (cause something adverse usually falls out)…Imma have to agree with MMEELLOO in on this one. There’s a way to ask “can I have a kiss” knowing it’s okay and leaning about 3/4s of the way because you already know the answer (that’s sexy) versus asking because you’re not sure. That’s moist.

Matt

September 23rd, 2011
10:17 am

Celisea-It is a hard read, and that is why I try to get to know the girls before I even attempt a date. I like to meet lots of people, make lots of friends, so on and so fourth, and usually if you get to know the person before hand, by the time a kiss or a first date comes along you aren’t a stranger anymore. However making the call for timing to move in for a first kiss. BTW I really hate the way this article describes groping, groping for one person is completely different than others. Personally I love to get a good grip on a woman around the ribs and back of the head when going in for a kiss. Some would describe this as groping some wouldn’t all depends.

TenderRoni

September 23rd, 2011
10:18 am

Mornings,

I base my affection on if I’m vibing with you and feel a connection. I like for a man to be respectful and show a gentlemen side on the first date. Groping and being too assertive is a turn-off.
I don’t expect a man to read my mind. I tell a man what I like and don’t like. And think its respectful for a man to ask, if he is unsure of the appropiateness. I would’t see that as weak.

i'm swiss™

September 23rd, 2011
10:19 am

Somewhat on topic:

Matt — I’ve got to disagree with your advice to the ladies to say “no” nicely. Sounds great in theory, but too often it doesn’t work. There’s too many dudes out there who take any hint of niceness (even if she’s saying “no” nicely) as a green light to keep trying. (I’m picturing that scene from Dumb & Dumber — “So, you’re saying there’s a chance“) :lol:

I see it all the time with Mrs. Swiss. All it takes is for me to step away for a second & the jackals try to pounce, and there are only 2 ways to shut them down: either I come up and threaten to cut somebody’s ballz off, or she has to unleash her inner biatch. Politely saying “no, thanks” never works.

Leggs

September 23rd, 2011
10:19 am

You’re right, Celisea. You can say the same words “may I have a kiss” and it can sound differently depending on the tone.

HST

September 23rd, 2011
10:20 am

I can’t believe this is even a topic of discussion. Inappropriate touching is just that, I think we’ve all been on both sides at least once. If you can’t determine the difference then you need help or need to leave, which ever side you’re on.

Matt

September 23rd, 2011
10:23 am

Swiss-appreciate the comment, I am assuming a girl is available and not a “MRS”, if that is the case the guys should know how to buzz off and if that case he doesn’t then appropriate action can be taken, for me, when a girl says she is with someone that is just the same as “I am off limits but thanks”

i'm swiss™

September 23rd, 2011
10:26 am

“for me, when a girl says she is with someone that is just the same as “I am off limits but thanks””

Matt — You’d be surprised how many out there don’t share that sentiment, though. Which, I imagine, is why a lot of chicks can get downright medieval with their rejections. :lol:

Exiled!

September 23rd, 2011
10:28 am

I hope Short and Proud will chime in.

I wanna know how a short dude looking up a taller chic,goes for the kiss kill.

Coz it’s pretty easy for a guy if she’s looking at him ravishingly ,toe to toe on a level plane.

But Webster and tall chic?, how does he do it,even when he has some swag? :lol:

Jeff

September 23rd, 2011
10:29 am

We’re not talking about knowing your partner. The topic was groping on the first date. If you can’t see how women are making the entire issue confusing, it’s because you don’t WANT to see it.

SlimNu

September 23rd, 2011
10:29 am

Dudes don’t really take a nice No to mean please stop. I think it registers in their mind to mean, keep trying. I work around dirty men often and i’m amazed at some of the things that come out of their mouths. Just this week some dude who I have not had any dealings with outside of speaking leaned over to me and whispers, “I want you”…ewwwww creeper :shock:

i'm swiss™

September 23rd, 2011
10:32 am

Me.lo — I think I may have seen Short & Proud the other day. Went to the mall w/ the Mrs. & we saw this couple pushing a stroller & I swear the dude was half the height his girl. He needed a step ladder just to give her the oral pleasure. :lol: But props to him, he landed himself an Amazon somehow.

Celisea

September 23rd, 2011
10:33 am

Alright then Jeff, let’s back it up to a first date. Are you needing mindreading class in determining if it’s okay to feel her up then? On a first date? Um, yeah in that case take a guess. Hope you guess right :)

abc

September 23rd, 2011
10:35 am

Groping on a date is rather poor form, whether it’s a first date or with your wife. Low class.

As far as first date kisses, there were plenty where I didn’t want one myself. I can’t say I can recall a date that refused me one. I wouldn’t ask, though. My typical move was to place their arms around my neck and enjoy the big smile they’d have. I think that most chicks appreciate a gentleman that isn’t afraid of stuff like that.

Matt

September 23rd, 2011
10:41 am

abc-I have been saying the same thing, sometimes you just have to gamble with it, and if you get turned down or read the wrong sign (common with guys) you blew it, but not doing it when the iron is hot can be even worse if you find out you could have and didn’t.

Exiled!

September 23rd, 2011
10:42 am

@Jeff?

get around,date some different women. That’s going to give u Female Mind reading experience.

When a woman wants to be kissed,even on a first date,she will let u know,non-verbally! Grab the chance if u want to. U take a chance and if u wrong,it’s on to the next one until u figure it out!

I have personally declined(non-verbally) kisses and smashes on first date even when I noticed the chic wanted me to and I had mid read who I thought she was.

Into the Light

September 23rd, 2011
10:43 am

ask “can I have a kiss” knowing it’s okay and leaning about 3/4s of the way because you already know the answer

Celisea, you nailed it on that one. I LOVE those kind of kisses. So sexy….

Exiled!

September 23rd, 2011
10:43 am

Lady Strange

September 23rd, 2011
11:00 am

@Exiled – maybe you find asking for a kiss lame, but I wouldn’t. Depending on how it was phrased to me of course. And we’re talking about first dates, not someone you’ve been dating a while. I’ve never had a guy ask, I just thought it would be a nice gesture if you all haven’t been dating long. Usually you know when a guy wants to kiss you and you can react from there.

Matt

September 23rd, 2011
11:04 am

Ok asking is lame, and takes everything out of the moment, that is why guys don’t do it. I have done it before, I will never do it again. If I were to do it now, it would be most likely, in a joking manner, like “let’s just get drunk and fool around” if she says yes then cool, if she says no then it can easily be spun to be a joke. It sucks that people can’t be straight forward, but that is the way the game is played.

Lady Strange

September 23rd, 2011
11:06 am

@Matt – It’s hard to find a good person (man or woman) to date it seems. Keep looking for the right one, there are still good women out there looking for good men. You have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find a prince (or princess as the case may be).

Exiled!

September 23rd, 2011
11:07 am

@Lady?

re-read what u wrote and U appreciate why!
That is what works,in the dating world.

U have proved it!

Lady Strange

September 23rd, 2011
11:07 am

@Matt – Well I must be the minority that wouldn’t find it lame to ask for a kiss. But as I said, it depends how it was asked.

Lady Strange

September 23rd, 2011
11:10 am

@Exiled – Well I can only offer my point of view. Can’t say it would apply to most women. But I wouldn’t find a man weak for asking for a kiss. Just my opinion.

SexyCool

September 23rd, 2011
11:11 am

I have not ever had a problem with a date being unable to keep his hands off of me.

There is a quick and easy way to solve that. “Quit phckin’ touching me.”
(That is all.)

OUCH ! i bumped my head

September 23rd, 2011
11:15 am

I would like to here KOB comments on this

OUCH ! i bumped my head

September 23rd, 2011
11:16 am

Into the Light

September 23rd, 2011
11:28 am

What’s KOB?

SexyCool

September 23rd, 2011
11:37 am

knock out blonde….

Exiled!

September 23rd, 2011
11:42 am

I wouldn’t find a man lame for asking for a kiss

@Lady I’m sure I wouldn’t find a chic to be a biaatch either for asking for a lay on a first date! :lol:

Wishes f-king with my head!

Matt

September 23rd, 2011
11:50 am

As far as touching goes on the first date, everyone should really play it by ear, there is no right or wrong, everyone is right, and everyone is wrong, no one can read every woman just right and no woman can always pick the right guy every time, what is expected in a perfect world is you both have a good time and let the cards fall where they may. Go out with no expectations and no absolute rules.

Lady Strange

September 23rd, 2011
11:54 am

@Exiled – if that’s the kind of women you want to date

Button

September 23rd, 2011
11:54 am

RIP Vesta Williams :(

kimmie

September 23rd, 2011
11:59 am

Hey Gang!

Gotta work the United Way bake sale I’m chairing. Just popped in to say hi.

Topic – Can’t believe we’re even discussing this. What are we in, high school? Yall good & grown!

Leggs

September 23rd, 2011
12:05 pm

Just finished configuration on my new computer. I’m loving this screen (22″).

Yes, RIP Vesta (age 48).

cba

September 23rd, 2011
12:12 pm

Leggs, I just heard the news about Vesta on C Blackmon show. Its quite scary the number of people in their 40s and 50s making early exits. She put all her heart and soul in ” congratulation”.

Exiled!

September 23rd, 2011
12:16 pm

What song did she sang,Vesta?

didn’t know her but she was gorgeous!

Leggs

September 23rd, 2011
12:18 pm

I know cba. They were talking about it on Tom Joyner this morning. But never heard the cause of death. Only that she lost a lot of weight to diet and exercise.

I have a gf who “Congratulation” is her theme song. She was so in love with this dude, that she truly believed they would marry. It never happened. They had their on again, off again relationship for many years. Eventually he married someone else, but she always thought she would have been the one.

Leggs

September 23rd, 2011
12:19 pm

She sang many songs, but her signature song is “Congratulations.”

Exiled!

September 23rd, 2011
12:23 pm

I think loneliness is a b especially for chics. Is that true ladies?

How can such a beautiful chic have no man?

cba

September 23rd, 2011
12:28 pm

Maybe I should have asked Barbara in the third grade for that kiss because she reported me to the teacher. The teacher told her to go sit because she probably wanted the kiss anyway :lol:

Button

September 23rd, 2011
12:29 pm

Leggs an article quoted Vesta saying she’s 53 while other’s has her age listed at 48, not sure which is true.

As long as I can breath you’ll always be the one for meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

Leggs

September 23rd, 2011
12:29 pm

Beauty doesn’t dictate you have a man. Perhaps because of the respect she has for herself and not willing to bow down and settle for anything that is offered has kept her single. Her career may have also hindered her finding someone willing to be a part of her hectic life. Pretty sure there may be many reasons.

And remember, Ex, being alone and being lonely are not the same thing.

Exiled!

September 23rd, 2011
12:39 pm

I hope so Leggs,just that when I googled her and saw that beautiful pic of her,I felt some kinda sorry for her, myself,if not a lil tearful.

But if I were God,and not trying to be funny at all,I would ensure that everybody(female), got some D! Then it would be all fun and games,sure,other issues crop up I know but D would be a default item for each.

Now,time for the Oprah D song! :lol:

just saying,It’s Friday!

cba

September 23rd, 2011
12:48 pm

Button, I also read about the two different ages.

i'm swiss™

September 23rd, 2011
12:52 pm

Hey gang,

I’ve plugged this several times here, but our “sister” company (in the same office) is still in a hiring frenzy, especially for software engineers (the app is primarily in PHP). If you know anyone who is looking, or would just prefer an atmosphere like this:

http://www.myfoxatlanta.com/dpp/news/local_news/Tech-Company-Offering-Bonus-to-Find-Workers-20110922-pm-pk

to their current gig, let me know.

Leggs

September 23rd, 2011
1:23 pm

@Ex ~ Phyllis Hyman was a beautiful woman…look at how lonely and miserable she was. She hated being alone! It was too much for her to bear.

i'm swiss™

September 23rd, 2011
1:26 pm

Leggs — Yeah, and she had the added motivation of getting married so she could have a last name other than “Hyman” ;-)

Leggs

September 23rd, 2011
1:28 pm

Ha ha cute…

Into the Light

September 23rd, 2011
1:28 pm

Back from lunch, and happy as happy can be. Breakfast for lunch on a dreary day is a warm fuzzy.

being alone and being lonely are not the same thing

Worth repeating

Leggs

September 23rd, 2011
1:42 pm

Heck, the crickets are gone, but the locusts have come in droves obviously drowning out contact……heeeellllpppp!!!!

Exiled!

September 23rd, 2011
1:44 pm

He he ITL!!

ur rabbit cannot be counted as company! :lol:

@Leggs, Hyman is dead too?

That’s why my belief in polygamy remains strong.

We need to make it legal so that the stigma can be removed and women can get their man without
being labelled the ‘other’ woman.

TenderRoni

September 23rd, 2011
1:44 pm

But if I were God,and not trying to be funny at all,I would ensure that everybody(female), got some D! —-just WOW!

Exiled!

September 23rd, 2011
1:49 pm

Why WOW Tender?

it’s only fair,I think!

Are u happy alone?

Leggs

September 23rd, 2011
1:53 pm

@Leggs, Hyman is dead too? ~ ummmm, in many ways, Yes.

Speaking of Vesta’s signature song, any of you have a song that best described the dumbest point in your life or even the best point?

I’ll go first…mine is “Silly” by Denice Williams…What a fool I was then. No elaboration, the song speaks for itself.

TenderRoni

September 23rd, 2011
1:53 pm

@Exiled- I don’t think I’m going to be worried to much about D, when getting into the pearly gates. Imagine that convo!

Celisea

September 23rd, 2011
1:59 pm

ur rabbit cannot be counted as company!

FLATLINED ______________________________________________________________

Exiled!

September 23rd, 2011
2:01 pm

But the Pearly gates are not on earth are they?

I am talking about getting D here on earth!

Ever wondered why,when a woman(especially) don’t get D,they’re not happy?

To yu Tender……(take over the lecture answer)

Exiled!

September 23rd, 2011
2:06 pm

and one more thing Tender!

even tho we going to be gone at some point,we still eat for sustainance.

consider D the same way,sustenance.

until we meet the Big Maker!

cba

September 23rd, 2011
2:12 pm

The late Minnie Riperton ” Loving you is easy because you’re beautiful”
The late Marvin Gaye ” Distant Lover”
The late Luther pick one
Wow, all these artists are dead……let me rethink this…..

Leggs

September 23rd, 2011
2:12 pm

That’s not even a true statement, Ex. Horny, frustrated women that can’t relieve themselves are not happy!

Exiled!

September 23rd, 2011
2:24 pm

@Leggs?

‘relieving oneself’,the euphamism u are using to describe using a rabbit is much like taking an advil to cure a headache!

Its a temporary solution to a longterm problem.

not even the natural God sanctioned way that nourishes body and soul!(of a woman)

ever looked at the before and after pictures of a young lady the moment she starts getting the hood stick? the hips in particular?

good food in there,good food!

all of u ladies,say ‘Yummy’ if u agree!

Exiled!

September 23rd, 2011
2:25 pm

Into the Light

September 23rd, 2011
2:29 pm

The late Minnie Riperton ” Loving you is easy because you’re beautiful”

Awwww, thanks for mentioning that one, cba. Love that song.

Leggs

September 23rd, 2011
2:29 pm

Relieving yourself is just a word I use for getting out of the horny state. Witrh “D”, you’re still relieving yourself.

Much like you guys use some women for a mere deposit. Same thing, my brother. Some women don’t have someone, those are the angry ones.

Leggs

September 23rd, 2011
2:30 pm

And nothing mentioned about a rabbit. Stop thinking a rabbit is the only way to relieve oneself!

Exiled!

September 23rd, 2011
2:34 pm

Yes,we may use those women for a deposit but we dont cuddle them after that!

Who do u cuddle after relieving urself? See,that means temporary!

When we get a good lay with the one of our desire and choice,we cuddle!

BAM Leggs! :lol:

Leggs

September 23rd, 2011
2:37 pm

I cuddle the person the helped with the relief. I’f I’m going that route to relief myself its more than just a relief. I never said the man was used just for that. Just said some women can’t relieve themselves. You opted to lean to one side for the meaning.

Leggs

September 23rd, 2011
2:38 pm

Relief means temporary because that’s the spin you put on it….

Exiled!

September 23rd, 2011
2:45 pm

Relief ….getting out of the horny state

see Leggs,u don’t relieve urself nor want to go out when u got the D…u embrace the D and it’s companionship.

U get horny u don’t see urself as wanting relief

U say I’m horny I wanna be ravished Tonite,not relieved

U get Relieved from a Burden

by the way Kwame is on Ryan Cam!

Leggs

September 23rd, 2011
2:48 pm

@Ex ~ I know what I meant. No matter how you spin it, emotional connection added or not, it is still a relief. My be a primitive way of stating it, but it’s still a relief. Anything considered building up and then finding an outlelt is a relief. With a loved on or with a jumpoff.

Leggs

September 23rd, 2011
2:51 pm

Perhaps “release” may work better for you….

Sassy Me...PYT ;-)

September 23rd, 2011
2:53 pm

It’s been said that guys want to date women who remind them of their mothers and women want to date guys that remind them of their fathers…hope that’s not always true cause there are too many pi$$ poor examples of both(mothers/fathers) out there…

Leggs

September 23rd, 2011
3:24 pm

Ok, the song request bombed. Any dating woes any of you would like to share? Or is this Siesta time?

Sassy Me...PYT ;-)

September 23rd, 2011
3:26 pm

Keep hope alive Leggs!! :mrgreen:

i'm swiss™

September 23rd, 2011
3:36 pm

Song request?

Leggs

September 23rd, 2011
3:39 pm

@swiss ~ this was my post:

Speaking of Vesta’s signature song, any of you have a song that best described the dumbest point in your life or even the best point?

I’ll go first…mine is “Silly” by Denice Williams…What a fool I was then. No elaboration, the song speaks for itself.

Jake: Sweet Peeda Jeeda, TWB

September 23rd, 2011
3:39 pm

Alright, alright, alrightttttt (Kevin Hart voice), saw it last night, dude funny as hell!!!

What going in this biatch, today!!!!

Short and Proud

September 23rd, 2011
3:47 pm

Into the Light

September 23rd, 2011
3:51 pm

Somebody needs to open the blog bar and turn up the music….

Leggs

September 23rd, 2011
3:53 pm

Tk u, Short. That was nice.

Hated the wedding dress, love the song.

Sassy Me...PYT ;-)

September 23rd, 2011
3:55 pm

Somebody needs to open the blog bar and turn up the music….

Let me get a Lemon Drop with an extra shot in it…been one of those days.

TwinGems

September 23rd, 2011
3:55 pm

@Leggs let me take a different spin on the songs…fav groove songs that are guaranteed panty droppers:

Come Inside – Intro
Come Over – Faith Evans
12 Play – R Kelly
I Still Love You – Next
Storm – Jamie Foxx
Love You Down – Silk
Seems Like Your Ready – R Kelly
Reasons – Faith Evans
Someone to Love – Mint Condition
just to name a few…..

Leggs

September 23rd, 2011
3:57 pm

Red Light Special – TLC

Into the Light

September 23rd, 2011
3:58 pm

I’ll be the bartender! Here you go, Sassy, sliding it down to you

………………………………..\~/

TwinGems

September 23rd, 2011
3:59 pm

sumthin sumthin – Maxwell
the scene from Love Jones always plays in my head when I hear this song!

Sassy Me...PYT ;-)

September 23rd, 2011
4:00 pm

Atlantis & Make Me Say it Again—The Isley Brothers

Sassy Me...PYT ;-)

September 23rd, 2011
4:01 pm

Thanks ITL!!

Into the Light

September 23rd, 2011
4:02 pm

My pleasure, girl. I’m gonna have one myself. :) Did you ever try the Firefly Lemonade vodka, Sassy?

Sassy Me...PYT ;-)

September 23rd, 2011
4:02 pm

Say Yes & It’s Getting Late—-Floetry

TwinGems

September 23rd, 2011
4:03 pm

don’t laugh: most songs on Back to the World – Tevin Campbell

Sassy Me...PYT ;-)

September 23rd, 2011
4:03 pm

Did you ever try the Firefly Lemonade vodka, Sassy?

yes and Mr. Bermuda thanks you :oops: ;-)

Into the Light

September 23rd, 2011
4:05 pm

Tee hee. Tell him he is most welcome. :)

Sassy Me...PYT ;-)

September 23rd, 2011
4:06 pm

Anybody ever heard of a singer named Link…he wrote a few songs for LSG n some other folks but his cd has a few songs on it that……no words

Leggs

September 23rd, 2011
4:07 pm

Make me Say It Again – here, just take the panties…..

TwinGems

September 23rd, 2011
4:08 pm

can i get a xtra large amaretto sour…immediately followed by a pomegranate martini

Leggs

September 23rd, 2011
4:15 pm

I’ll take a double shot of vodka with pineapple juice and a shot of cranberry juice….

i'm swiss™

September 23rd, 2011
4:16 pm

Leggs — How’s this for a soundtrack for young and stupid? (Sorry for the ad in the beginning but the no-ad versions were crappy quality)

Sassy Me...PYT ;-)

September 23rd, 2011
4:16 pm

Leggs you over there reminiscing?

Into the Light

September 23rd, 2011
4:17 pm

Comin’ right up, TwinGems.

…………………………….\~/

Leggs, do you want well or a call brand? Goose? KetelOne?

Leggs

September 23rd, 2011
4:18 pm

i'm swiss™

September 23rd, 2011
4:18 pm

“I got a womaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan,
she just hollers what she wants from where she sits
Yeeeeeeaaaaaah”

:lol:

Gotta love Nick Cave.

Into the Light

September 23rd, 2011
4:19 pm

Leggs:

………………………\~/

TwinGems: Here’s your pomtini….

Into the Light

September 23rd, 2011
4:20 pm

And the Bad Seeds

Leggs

September 23rd, 2011
4:20 pm

@swiss ~ I listened to more than half when I had to rip the earphones from my ears. That was torture for me!

i'm swiss™

September 23rd, 2011
4:21 pm

Oh snap! ITL, you’re a Nick Cave & the Bad Seeds fan?

Leggs

September 23rd, 2011
4:21 pm

@Sassy ~ as soon as I get my drink, I’m gonna sit on this chaise lounge and chill….

Into the Light

September 23rd, 2011
4:21 pm

Can’t access YouTube from work…what is it?

Leggs

September 23rd, 2011
4:23 pm

My new computer has a camera on it….woo hoo. I can turn it on and there I am (lol)….

Doesn’t sound like he has a woman, more like a screaming banshee….

Into the Light

September 23rd, 2011
4:23 pm

Sorry, Leggs. That last one was yours. Didn’t have a graphic for TG’s pomtini.

I know one thing…this Firefly with lots of ice is hitting the spot this afternoon.

Believe it or don’t, Swiss.

i'm swiss™

September 23rd, 2011
4:24 pm

ITL — It was “Jack the Ripper”

Leggs — Yeah, that’s pretty much how Mrs. Swiss feels about a lot of my favorites. Nick Cave is definitely not for everyone. :lol: He cracks me up, though. Whenever I’m asked to describe him, I generally say “imagine Satan as a lounge singer.” :lol:

i'm swiss™

September 23rd, 2011
4:25 pm

Leggs — He’s got a womaaaaaaaaaan. But she rules his house with an iron fisssssst. Yeeeaaaaaaaaaah. :lol:

Leggs

September 23rd, 2011
4:27 pm

I have never heard of him, but your description is funny and on point! What’s funnier is watching the guitarist in the back try to focus and not appear high….

Leggs

September 23rd, 2011
4:28 pm

@swiss ~ was hoping there were more lyrics than that line, but then I hear she “SCREAMS FROM WHERE SHE SITS” and that’s when I tore the earphones off….

Sassy Me...PYT ;-)

September 23rd, 2011
4:28 pm

What’s funnier is watching the guitarist in the back try to focus and not appear high….

:lol:

i'm swiss™

September 23rd, 2011
4:29 pm

Leggs — Just to give you a sense of why I dig the guy: He has an album called “Murder Ballads” which contains 9 songs all describing in varying degrees of graphic detail a murder (or mass murder) — even 1 set to a polka!. :lol: And then the 10th & final song is a cover of Bob Dylan’s “Death is not the End.” Nothing like a twisted sense of humor to make me smile… :lol:

Into the Light

September 23rd, 2011
4:30 pm

Was just listening to Dig, Lazarus, Dig…

i'm swiss™

September 23rd, 2011
4:32 pm

Hey, ITL — have you heard either of the Grinderman albums?

That reminds me… Leggs — Here’s another appropriate song — this one’s for when you’re not getting any. :lol:

i'm swiss™

September 23rd, 2011
4:34 pm

Oh, and ITL (and any other youtube-restricted bloggers), what I just linked to what “No Puddy Blues” by Grinderman (another Nick Cave band)

Into the Light

September 23rd, 2011
4:35 pm

Swiss, Yeah, I think it’s 2. Is that the one with Heathen Child??

i'm swiss™

September 23rd, 2011
4:38 pm

“I read her Eliot, read her Yeats,
I tried my best to stay up late,
I fixed the hinges on her gate,
But still she just never wanted to.

I sent her every type of flower,
I played her guitar by the hour,
I patted her revolting little chihuahua,
But still she just didn’t want to.

I thought I’d try another tack,
I drank a litre of cognac,
I threw her down upon her back,
But she just lay up and said that she just didn’t want to.

I got the no puddy blues.”

:lol:

Into the Light

September 23rd, 2011
4:38 pm

Alright, y’all, time for ITL to go have fun.

Have a great weekend, and I’ll read you Monday!

i'm swiss™

September 23rd, 2011
4:39 pm

ITL — The song I linked to on on Grinderman 1. You should check it out — it’s hilarious.

Celisea

September 23rd, 2011
4:40 pm

Look at ITL being an around the way girl…you know drinks, various genres of music, sports…you’re somebody dreamboat you know. You can hang with the fellows anyday. Don’t mess around and grow some :)

i'm swiss™

September 23rd, 2011
4:41 pm

*is on

not “on on”

Leggs

September 23rd, 2011
4:42 pm

How the heck do you even think about dancing to that tune…oh my? No wonder some white people have those herky jerky dance steps….there’s no need to formulate a dance pattern (LOL)….I’m sorry.

i'm swiss™

September 23rd, 2011
4:45 pm

:lol:

Leggs — Like this. :lol:

Leggs

September 23rd, 2011
4:47 pm

You are right, swiss. I stand corrected. :lol:

Jake: Sweet Peeda Jeeda, TWB

September 23rd, 2011
4:48 pm

Guranteed Panty Drop CD-The Isley Brothers, “Mission To Please”, has not ever failed me…

Sassy Me...PYT ;-)

September 23rd, 2011
4:51 pm

No wonder some white people have those herky jerky dance steps…

you know you ain’t right…you know it :lol:

i'm swiss™

September 23rd, 2011
4:54 pm

Sassy Me...PYT ;-)

September 23rd, 2011
4:55 pm

The Isley Brothers, “Mission To Please”,

There’s that one and another one that came out either right before or after it but that one is killer too…I have alot of the older Isley Brothers as well. Any of Maxwell’s cd’s + Sassy = a long night for him…I’m jus sayin ;-)

Sassy Me...PYT ;-)

September 23rd, 2011
4:57 pm

Alright I’m out…have a great weekend y’all (said with my Paula Deen drawl)…

Leggs

September 23rd, 2011
4:58 pm

@SassyMe ~ I know, I know :wink:

Leggs

September 23rd, 2011
5:03 pm

I can tell you this, the earphones stayed in my ears!!!!

i'm swiss™

September 23rd, 2011
5:11 pm

Well that’s progress. ;-) Keep those earphones in your ears… and grab onto mine. :lol:

beotch

September 24th, 2011
8:06 pm

You need to have your salad tossed by a 400 lb rug muncher. That will make your happier!

Emeka

September 25th, 2011
1:36 am

In my opinion, First date touching or caressing , whatever verbage you want to use is acceptable, the question is how do you express your acceptance of it or show displeasure? For those ladies who have bashful things to say, I can only say “Welcome to the 21st century”, The act of touching (by men) is a show of affection and connection. If you are touched during a first date and you feel him, touch him back softly (that means you are connecting), try it and see how cool the rest of the date will be. If you don’t like his touch, I suggest you touch him back anyway, however make it rough,pull his hair, if he is wearing a chain, yank it or even pinch his skin. (Advise, make sure you came in your own car or have cab fare ,else you might be walking home). You are not been violent,hateful,crazy or even bitchy, it just shows that you want to be disconnected. This is the 21st century dating sign language.

HootyGoot

September 25th, 2011
8:15 am

If a girl wants you to feel her up she’ll let you know otherwise HANDS OFF! Show a little respect.