First date? Watch the hands!
If I were to list one of my all-time worst first dates, I would have to put my date with Mr. Octopus at the top. It’s bad enough when someone is not picking up on the lack of chemistry, but when you add inappropriate body groping? You are reaching creepy status, thereby reducing your chances of another date.
My guy friends teased me about this because they think if I thought the guy was hot, I wouldn’t mind being groped! Apparently, women only object because they aren’t really attracted in the first place.
I can’t say with certainty if that is true or not. I just know that if someone is giving you the “Why are you caressing my thigh?” face and you continue – in an attempt to be seductive, it’s a turnoff. Also, don’t be surprised when you meet my taser gun.
Everyone has different comfort levels, though. When do you feel comfortable “touching” your date? When does it become too much?
How do you signal that you are open – or not open- to the public displays of affection, or other physical contact?
Guys, if a woman complained or asked you to watch your hands, would you think she was an ice queen?
Shouldn’t you be able to tell or read the signs when someone is not feeling you..feeling them?
Have you ever been on a date and they could not keep their hands off you -in a bad way? How did you handle it?
Happy Friday!
By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog
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184 comments Add your comment
HST
September 23rd, 2011
10:20 am
I can’t believe this is even a topic of discussion. Inappropriate touching is just that, I think we’ve all been on both sides at least once. If you can’t determine the difference then you need help or need to leave, which ever side you’re on.
Matt
September 23rd, 2011
10:23 am
Swiss-appreciate the comment, I am assuming a girl is available and not a “MRS”, if that is the case the guys should know how to buzz off and if that case he doesn’t then appropriate action can be taken, for me, when a girl says she is with someone that is just the same as “I am off limits but thanks”
i'm swiss™
September 23rd, 2011
10:26 am
“for me, when a girl says she is with someone that is just the same as “I am off limits but thanks””
Matt — You’d be surprised how many out there don’t share that sentiment, though. Which, I imagine, is why a lot of chicks can get downright medieval with their rejections.
Exiled!
September 23rd, 2011
10:28 am
I hope Short and Proud will chime in.
I wanna know how a short dude looking up a taller chic,goes for the kiss kill.
Coz it’s pretty easy for a guy if she’s looking at him ravishingly ,toe to toe on a level plane.
But Webster and tall chic?, how does he do it,even when he has some swag?
Jeff
September 23rd, 2011
10:29 am
We’re not talking about knowing your partner. The topic was groping on the first date. If you can’t see how women are making the entire issue confusing, it’s because you don’t WANT to see it.
SlimNu
September 23rd, 2011
10:29 am
Dudes don’t really take a nice No to mean please stop. I think it registers in their mind to mean, keep trying. I work around dirty men often and i’m amazed at some of the things that come out of their mouths. Just this week some dude who I have not had any dealings with outside of speaking leaned over to me and whispers, “I want you”…ewwwww creeper
i'm swiss™
September 23rd, 2011
10:32 am
Me.lo — I think I may have seen Short & Proud the other day. Went to the mall w/ the Mrs. & we saw this couple pushing a stroller & I swear the dude was half the height his girl. He needed a step ladder just to give her the oral pleasure.
But props to him, he landed himself an Amazon somehow.
Celisea
September 23rd, 2011
10:33 am
Alright then Jeff, let’s back it up to a first date. Are you needing mindreading class in determining if it’s okay to feel her up then? On a first date? Um, yeah in that case take a guess. Hope you guess right
abc
September 23rd, 2011
10:35 am
Groping on a date is rather poor form, whether it’s a first date or with your wife. Low class.
As far as first date kisses, there were plenty where I didn’t want one myself. I can’t say I can recall a date that refused me one. I wouldn’t ask, though. My typical move was to place their arms around my neck and enjoy the big smile they’d have. I think that most chicks appreciate a gentleman that isn’t afraid of stuff like that.
Matt
September 23rd, 2011
10:41 am
abc-I have been saying the same thing, sometimes you just have to gamble with it, and if you get turned down or read the wrong sign (common with guys) you blew it, but not doing it when the iron is hot can be even worse if you find out you could have and didn’t.
Exiled!
September 23rd, 2011
10:42 am
@Jeff?
get around,date some different women. That’s going to give u Female Mind reading experience.
When a woman wants to be kissed,even on a first date,she will let u know,non-verbally! Grab the chance if u want to. U take a chance and if u wrong,it’s on to the next one until u figure it out!
I have personally declined(non-verbally) kisses and smashes on first date even when I noticed the chic wanted me to and I had mid read who I thought she was.
Into the Light
September 23rd, 2011
10:43 am
ask “can I have a kiss” knowing it’s okay and leaning about 3/4s of the way because you already know the answer
Celisea, you nailed it on that one. I LOVE those kind of kisses. So sexy….
Exiled!
September 23rd, 2011
10:43 am
Misread
Lady Strange
September 23rd, 2011
11:00 am
@Exiled – maybe you find asking for a kiss lame, but I wouldn’t. Depending on how it was phrased to me of course. And we’re talking about first dates, not someone you’ve been dating a while. I’ve never had a guy ask, I just thought it would be a nice gesture if you all haven’t been dating long. Usually you know when a guy wants to kiss you and you can react from there.
Matt
September 23rd, 2011
11:04 am
Ok asking is lame, and takes everything out of the moment, that is why guys don’t do it. I have done it before, I will never do it again. If I were to do it now, it would be most likely, in a joking manner, like “let’s just get drunk and fool around” if she says yes then cool, if she says no then it can easily be spun to be a joke. It sucks that people can’t be straight forward, but that is the way the game is played.
Lady Strange
September 23rd, 2011
11:06 am
@Matt – It’s hard to find a good person (man or woman) to date it seems. Keep looking for the right one, there are still good women out there looking for good men. You have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find a prince (or princess as the case may be).
Exiled!
September 23rd, 2011
11:07 am
@Lady?
re-read what u wrote and U appreciate why!
That is what works,in the dating world.
U have proved it!
Lady Strange
September 23rd, 2011
11:07 am
@Matt – Well I must be the minority that wouldn’t find it lame to ask for a kiss. But as I said, it depends how it was asked.
Lady Strange
September 23rd, 2011
11:10 am
@Exiled – Well I can only offer my point of view. Can’t say it would apply to most women. But I wouldn’t find a man weak for asking for a kiss. Just my opinion.
SexyCool
September 23rd, 2011
11:11 am
I have not ever had a problem with a date being unable to keep his hands off of me.
There is a quick and easy way to solve that. “Quit phckin’ touching me.”
(That is all.)
OUCH ! i bumped my head
September 23rd, 2011
11:15 am
I would like to here KOB comments on this
OUCH ! i bumped my head
September 23rd, 2011
11:16 am
Hear opps
Into the Light
September 23rd, 2011
11:28 am
What’s KOB?
SexyCool
September 23rd, 2011
11:37 am
knock out blonde….
Exiled!
September 23rd, 2011
11:42 am
I wouldn’t find a man lame for asking for a kiss
@Lady I’m sure I wouldn’t find a chic to be a biaatch either for asking for a lay on a first date!
Wishes f-king with my head!
Matt
September 23rd, 2011
11:50 am
As far as touching goes on the first date, everyone should really play it by ear, there is no right or wrong, everyone is right, and everyone is wrong, no one can read every woman just right and no woman can always pick the right guy every time, what is expected in a perfect world is you both have a good time and let the cards fall where they may. Go out with no expectations and no absolute rules.
Lady Strange
September 23rd, 2011
11:54 am
@Exiled – if that’s the kind of women you want to date
Button
September 23rd, 2011
11:54 am
RIP Vesta Williams
kimmie
September 23rd, 2011
11:59 am
Hey Gang!
Gotta work the United Way bake sale I’m chairing. Just popped in to say hi.
Topic – Can’t believe we’re even discussing this. What are we in, high school? Yall good & grown!
Leggs
September 23rd, 2011
12:05 pm
Just finished configuration on my new computer. I’m loving this screen (22″).
Yes, RIP Vesta (age 48).
cba
September 23rd, 2011
12:12 pm
Leggs, I just heard the news about Vesta on C Blackmon show. Its quite scary the number of people in their 40s and 50s making early exits. She put all her heart and soul in ” congratulation”.
Exiled!
September 23rd, 2011
12:16 pm
What song did she sang,Vesta?
didn’t know her but she was gorgeous!
Leggs
September 23rd, 2011
12:18 pm
I know cba. They were talking about it on Tom Joyner this morning. But never heard the cause of death. Only that she lost a lot of weight to diet and exercise.
I have a gf who “Congratulation” is her theme song. She was so in love with this dude, that she truly believed they would marry. It never happened. They had their on again, off again relationship for many years. Eventually he married someone else, but she always thought she would have been the one.
Leggs
September 23rd, 2011
12:19 pm
She sang many songs, but her signature song is “Congratulations.”
Exiled!
September 23rd, 2011
12:23 pm
I think loneliness is a b especially for chics. Is that true ladies?
How can such a beautiful chic have no man?
cba
September 23rd, 2011
12:28 pm
Maybe I should have asked Barbara in the third grade for that kiss because she reported me to the teacher. The teacher told her to go sit because she probably wanted the kiss anyway
Button
September 23rd, 2011
12:29 pm
Leggs an article quoted Vesta saying she’s 53 while other’s has her age listed at 48, not sure which is true.
As long as I can breath you’ll always be the one for meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.
Leggs
September 23rd, 2011
12:29 pm
Beauty doesn’t dictate you have a man. Perhaps because of the respect she has for herself and not willing to bow down and settle for anything that is offered has kept her single. Her career may have also hindered her finding someone willing to be a part of her hectic life. Pretty sure there may be many reasons.
And remember, Ex, being alone and being lonely are not the same thing.
Exiled!
September 23rd, 2011
12:39 pm
I hope so Leggs,just that when I googled her and saw that beautiful pic of her,I felt some kinda sorry for her, myself,if not a lil tearful.
But if I were God,and not trying to be funny at all,I would ensure that everybody(female), got some D! Then it would be all fun and games,sure,other issues crop up I know but D would be a default item for each.
Now,time for the Oprah D song!
just saying,It’s Friday!
cba
September 23rd, 2011
12:48 pm
Button, I also read about the two different ages.
i'm swiss™
September 23rd, 2011
12:52 pm
Hey gang,
I’ve plugged this several times here, but our “sister” company (in the same office) is still in a hiring frenzy, especially for software engineers (the app is primarily in PHP). If you know anyone who is looking, or would just prefer an atmosphere like this:
http://www.myfoxatlanta.com/dpp/news/local_news/Tech-Company-Offering-Bonus-to-Find-Workers-20110922-pm-pk
to their current gig, let me know.
Leggs
September 23rd, 2011
1:23 pm
@Ex ~ Phyllis Hyman was a beautiful woman…look at how lonely and miserable she was. She hated being alone! It was too much for her to bear.
i'm swiss™
September 23rd, 2011
1:26 pm
Leggs — Yeah, and she had the added motivation of getting married so she could have a last name other than “Hyman”
Leggs
September 23rd, 2011
1:28 pm
Ha ha cute…
Into the Light
September 23rd, 2011
1:28 pm
Back from lunch, and happy as happy can be. Breakfast for lunch on a dreary day is a warm fuzzy.
being alone and being lonely are not the same thing
Worth repeating
Leggs
September 23rd, 2011
1:42 pm
Heck, the crickets are gone, but the locusts have come in droves obviously drowning out contact……heeeellllpppp!!!!
Exiled!
September 23rd, 2011
1:44 pm
He he ITL!!
ur rabbit cannot be counted as company!
@Leggs, Hyman is dead too?
That’s why my belief in polygamy remains strong.
We need to make it legal so that the stigma can be removed and women can get their man without
being labelled the ‘other’ woman.
TenderRoni
September 23rd, 2011
1:44 pm
But if I were God,and not trying to be funny at all,I would ensure that everybody(female), got some D! —-just WOW!
Exiled!
September 23rd, 2011
1:49 pm
Why WOW Tender?
it’s only fair,I think!
Are u happy alone?
Leggs
September 23rd, 2011
1:53 pm
@Leggs, Hyman is dead too? ~ ummmm, in many ways, Yes.
Speaking of Vesta’s signature song, any of you have a song that best described the dumbest point in your life or even the best point?
I’ll go first…mine is “Silly” by Denice Williams…What a fool I was then. No elaboration, the song speaks for itself.