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Are you high maintenance?

Men beware: High maintenance is a turn off. It’s becoming more and more common for a guy to be into his appearance, image, or his own personal needs. While these guys can be great to look at – and probably smell amazing – dating them can be a lot of work.

I’m not opposed to hard work but I think that at some point, the high maintenance type gets tiring. You grow tired of their egos, attitudes, and their growing list of demands.

What happens when two high maintenance people meet and date? I’ll tell you, their egos have a battle and somebody loses.

Have you ever dated someone who is high maintenance? What do you consider high maintenance?

Are you guilty of exhibiting a little high maintenance behavior? How do you keep it in check?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

351 comments Add your comment

Jeff

September 21st, 2011
5:28 am

Seriously? Complaining that men are becoming more high maintenance?

Let’s see, commercials, tv shows, movies, etc promoting the metrosexual male as attractive. Women continuing to push farther and farther with the “I won’t settle” fallacy. Within relationships, women pushing men to do more woman-oriented things like go to baby showers, dress like so and so on the tv show.

I’m not sure why men in general have become more like women. Can’t figure it out.

All jokes aside, I can say that high maintenance and arrogance is ugly no matter who is wearing it. Admitting you have a problem is the first step to correcting it.

Mr. Unknown

September 21st, 2011
8:33 am

Good morning!! “It’s becoming more and more common for a guy to be into his appearance, image, or his own personal needs.” Is that wrong? Now I can see dealing with the egomaniac type person as being a hand full, but not that.

There are more High maintenance women in this world then there are men. Also the reason why there are more single women then there are men. We get tired of dealing with that type of selfish behavior. I mean there are some women there ego is so big that they needed to create an Alter Ego. I taking aim at the Sasha Fierces of the world, the Black Kary Bradshaw, The barbies.. These are grown ups in there 30’s and 40’s, talk about a turn off.

Anyway, the best way to deal with a high maintenance man, is the same way we deal with the High maintenance woman. Don’t take them serious until they prove their worth. Start chipping away at their ego, let them know your into the person not their look. Don’t give them so many compliments about how they look, the car they drive, the money they make, but instead tell them how sexy it is for a someone to be into God, how sexy it is to give before receiving. There is a 50/50 chance they are going to go and find someone to stroke their ego or maybe they stick around. It sucks but that is the reality that most men have to deal with while dating.

Now time to find something to eat, Hasta luego!!

Dave

September 21st, 2011
8:41 am

I can’t believe that you are even suggesting that men are even CLOSE to being as high maintenance as women. Are there men like that? Sure. But women are LIGHT YEARS ahead of this curve. The idea that you would even approach it from this angle is hilarious. The better looking the woman, the more she believes she is entitled to be lavished with trinkets, fine dining, out up on a pedestal and for us to simply be in awe of her. I’m even laughing and shaking my head as I type….ROFLMAO

LeeH1

September 21st, 2011
8:42 am

Women have always been high maintenance. They won’t allow the windows in the car to go down because the wind fluffs their hair. They never want to get thier hands dirty. Nothing in the house can actually be used because then it is out of place or the protective cover is derangged. The kitchen is spotless because it is never used.

Give me a break. Women complaining about men being high maintence is a bit much.

Dave

September 21st, 2011
8:47 am

But Mr. Unknown has the right way of dealing with it. Chip away at the ego. Let them know in a round about way that, while you think they are nice, they ain’t all that. When they bring up possessions that they have, places they have been or accomplishments, just respond with a shoulder shrug or act like they haven’t said anything to note. And then if they walk or get upset that you aren’t in awe of them, let them know that there are plenty of fish in the sea and you have no time for arrogance or desire to be with someone who’s constant need is to have their ego stroked.

ATL's Own

September 21st, 2011
8:55 am

Seriously, Atlanta is in the top five cities for high maint. women that have absolutely nothing to offer but looks!

Top 10 Signs She’s High Maintenance

Number 10

She’s unfair

She asks you to drive her somewhere, and you get yelled at for being stuck in traffic. You go for a walk, and she gets peeved because it starts to rain. You stop by to surprise her with pizza, but she blasts you for not getting burgers.

Number 9

She’s daddy’s girl

She has never earned anything in her life; she was born with a silver spoon in her mouth and requires the help of servants to remove it. Her idea of protection is the insurance clauses on her daddy’s platinum card.

Number 8

Going out is like the countdown to eternity
Going out for a night on the town should be more fun than this, but you must give her a 48-hour heads up when you want to go out, since getting ready entails calling in the jaws of life, especially considering that she applies a pound of goo on her face.

Number 7

She has irrational demands
She is used to drinking watered down cocktails when she’s drinking on her tab, but when Daddy Warbucks comes knocking, it’s Dom Perignon time.

Number 6

Bills, bills, bills

Her answering machine greets you with the Destiny’s Child tune. You have never seen her wallet, she has never paid for a thing, and the only bills she’s accustomed to are the credit card kind.

Number 5

She’s not comfortable with herself

We like attractive women who take care of themselves, but we also want women who can be themselves — track pants, ponytails and all. If she needs a wall of gunk on her face to look you in the eyes, then she just might have an issue.

Number 4

She doesn’t know the definition of sacrifice
Relationships are meant to be about compromise, but she is more about selfishness. You bend and adapt to her needs, yet all she gives you are ultimatums.

Number 3

She’s difficult to please

No matter what you do or say, she will want something else. No matter how much you try to please her, you will always fall short. She has never cracked a smile and has a tendency to rain on your parade.

Number 2

She’s socially inept

She only hangs out with people who can offer her something and she is a social burden the rest of the time, eating into your good times and peace of mind.

Number 1

She needs to be in control

Most women admit that being high maintenance comes down to being in charge and running the show. They need to feel that it is their call; their way or the highway. It’s up to you to show them otherwise.

Dave

September 21st, 2011
8:56 am

^5 for Jeff’s 5:28 post. PREACH ON, BRUTHA!

Leggs

September 21st, 2011
9:10 am

Good morning, Good morning.

Real simple. I’m not high maintenace therefore won’t date a man that’s high maintenance. The mere thought makes me frown. Now, nothing wrong with taking care of yourself and being neat, tidy, clean and smelling wonderful. But all the “extra” is a turnoff.

Reio

September 21st, 2011
9:18 am

high maintenance? Just open the back door. Let her out. Open the front door. Let her sister/cousin/best friend….in.

czBrat

September 21st, 2011
9:20 am

are you high maintenance? YES. brb

Matt

September 21st, 2011
9:23 am

High maintenace is a real problem, people that are high maintenace are usually the same type of people that are always looking for the next best thing in the short term, never the long term, huge turn off. Be happy with what you got and enjoy life a little.

abc

September 21st, 2011
9:26 am

I never thought of things like hygiene and attention to one’s personal appearance as being ‘high maintenance’. I’ve always thought of it in terms of a person having a lot of personal demands and requirements (dates must be just so, frequency of whatever just so, impossible to actually meet their wants and needs because they’re constantly changing, etc.).

But, going with the flow, I typically am not impressed by women with lots of makeup — I’d rather see you the way you really look. I hate cologne and perfume, I have to hold my breath in elevators. When it’s due to a man’s cologne, I figure he’s gay or something — like dude, you smell so pretty! Thppt. My own scent is of mild soap, and that’s about it. I stay clean and in shape, and wear decent clothes, and that’s about it as far as personal maintenance goes. Works for me.

Reio

September 21st, 2011
9:27 am

During my dating years, I gave the boot to seversl women for this reason. Two of my three older sisters told me to be more patient because “some of those women were nice”, but I ignored their advice and continued to open the back door. Life is too short. I knew that even as a younger man.

Into the Light

September 21st, 2011
9:30 am

Am I high maintenance? No

Would I date a man who was? Not again

Tyler McWebb

September 21st, 2011
9:31 am

Why would a woman date a guy that is prettier than they are? It never ceases to amaze me the poor choices women make in dating. Judgement has eluded the female gender.

Matt

September 21st, 2011
9:33 am

Amen Tyler!!!

Reio

September 21st, 2011
9:37 am

Amen Tyler!!! Good post.
You deal with these people by sending them packing. Don’t try to understand them, figure them out…Just “Hit the road Jill”

Leggs

September 21st, 2011
9:38 am

“If she needs a wall of gunk on her face to look you in the eyes, then she just might have an issue.”

@ATL ~ does it make me high maintenance that I like to have my eye browns drawn on when looking into the eyes of a man. :wink: Jokey joke….

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

September 21st, 2011
9:42 am

3S’s, decent clothes, and a clean car is all the high maintenance I require. Women need more so it’s acceptable to me for her to have a little maintenance.

Good Morning:

kimmie

September 21st, 2011
9:42 am

Good morning!

There is someone for everyone. And to be honest, in my little circle, none of the high maintenance women are single. One of the most high maintenance friends I know is also the hardest working. She gives as much to her relationship as she gets. Nobody is sitting around eating bon-bons all day. So, for all those high maintenance types there is someone whose is willing to deal with it or finance it. If that’s not the type of person you want, then don’t get with that type of person. A lot of the men that are in here whining about it probably got rejected by one of them!LOL!! Sorry you didn’t have what it took to get her, but those are the breaks!

I would say I’m medium maintenance. I like to keep my hair nice and get pedicures and I like nice quality, reasonably priced clothes and shoes. I love living in a clean, tastefully decorated home, nothing over the top. I like beautiful surroundings – nice clean well-maintained yard. Don’t need more than those basics, but won’t accept less. My husband is probably what I would call medium at this as well. He’s a normal, mature adult that practices great personal hygiene and good grooming. Nothing girly or over the top, but not like he just walked up off the street either.

Shrugs

Celisea

September 21st, 2011
9:43 am

Good morning,

I’m leaning with abc’s first paragraph. I was about to ask can we define “maintenance?” I consider smelling good, looking good (by each own’s standard) and regular upkeep as normal. Whether it’s expensive perfume or the simple clean smelling stuff…either way whatever you like or prefer, it’s hygienic.

When I think of high maintenance I think more so in terms an unreasonable attitude…in all faucets. I think too high maintenance is not high maintenance unless you get someone else’s buy-in and sponsorship. IMO that means bossy, always controlling, unyielding, never compromising, feeling entitled, no regard for the other person’s (pocketbook or wallet) laid to someone else. That’s daddy (biological), big daddy, your man, your husband, your boo…whatevs.

Now if you want to spend and spend and be spent for one’s own self because you can afford it and feel entitled, do you.

On Point

September 21st, 2011
9:47 am

When I think of HM I think of emotional high maintenance more so. If she has “unresolved issues” she hasn’t dealt with and it causes emotional or physical problems then I have to walk away. That is just very unattractive. On the other hand if her life style is to go to the Spa twice a month, get her hair done weekly, etc then so be it. That is her preference. (As long as she is paying for it)

czBrat

September 21st, 2011
9:50 am

i stand corrected. according to ATL’sOwn, i am nothing on that list. i’ve always thought of myself as high maintenance because i’m not willing to compromise on certain things. i have expectations of honesty and respect that i just won’t back down on. but that has nothing to do with personal appearance, pampering or googobs of money being spent on dates.

no. not high maintenance at all. very low maintenance as a matter of fact. happy in a pony tail, shorts and a tee, watching the clouds roll by. if the sky opens up (like it did at the candler park festival :) ), that’s cool too. i don’t have hair issues to worry about. that’s a great date in my book.

Manly Man

September 21st, 2011
9:50 am

So it appears that not a single woman on this blog thinks they’re high maintenance and every single man declares he won’t put up with it no matter how good she looks. Here’s an old saying that bears reference to this predicament:

“Imagine yourself as others see you, but also be prepared for an unpleasant surprise.”

abc

September 21st, 2011
9:55 am

Not really… as far as things like how much I spend on sweetie, I’d spend every dollar I have and it ain’t no biggie to me. I buy her trips to the spa, go with her for the mani/pedi if there aren’t any of her girlfriends around to go, bring home flowers and candy just because, indulge anything she wants any time she wants. She’s worth it, not only because she’s beautiful, but because she is an excellent wife.

I don’t consider her to be high maintenance, especially because I like being her sugar daddy.

fitzgerald

September 21st, 2011
9:58 am

I am 66 years of age. I said of age………..not old. Am I high maintenance? Damn straight I am and worth every penny of it.

Reio

September 21st, 2011
10:02 am

fitzgerald – You’re 66 years old. Why not tell it like it is?

czBrat

September 21st, 2011
10:03 am

times like this (9:55 a.m. to be exact), abc sounds soooo much like s/o.
add to that …. “i do it because you don’t require nor expect it.”

and take away the “wife” part.

kimmie

September 21st, 2011
10:05 am

abc – your 9:55 – beautiful

Leggs

September 21st, 2011
10:05 am

@czB ~ I was like HUH!!! You are not high maintenance.

Buffalo Guy

September 21st, 2011
10:05 am

Give me a nice girl who can say things like, ” yes, dear , whatever you say dear, you’re absolutely right dear “. When we are out and someone asks her opinion she turns to me and says , ” what do I think about that, honey “? Now that is a perfect girl.

Leggs

September 21st, 2011
10:06 am

@fitzgerald ~ are you dating. Even if married, are you dating?

Brother Exiled!

September 21st, 2011
10:11 am

Atl’s own!

Good post buddy!

and I’m going to smack a man in the face if he’s putting up all that to a woman with a boatload of kids! :lol:

What’s wrong with some if these men settling for some other man’s sloppy seconds,thirds and fourths!?

Good morning Anyway! Hmmpff

Safensound

September 21st, 2011
10:14 am

I’m really surprised at some these posts, but in reality I guess I shouldn’t be. To assume there are more HM single women instead of HM single men is preposterous. Have you dated them all? Or have you been rejected by them all, lol?

Either way, I believe it’s a state of mind and personality. If you have to live your life like keeping up the Kardashians or exhibit the expensive shopping habits of certain celebrities in order to feel good about who you are with, then to me that would suggest insecurities and perhaps shallowness. But if that is who you are and you know that, then NO ONE should judge you or call you high maintenance like it’s a disease. You like what you like and no you should not settle for less.

In my case, my ex accused me of being high maintenance, but if you can call a mother of four who worked in order to help provide for her family, pay the bills and shopped for appropriate office attire, all while wheeling a mini-van to work every day HM, then so be it…that’s why he’s the ex. Meanwhile, I’m still doing me and my children. :)

SexyCool

September 21st, 2011
10:14 am

XTrain report – I finished the Lucky13 in 35minutes. 394KCals.

O/T – I haven’t dated anyone who was too high maintenance, but…I did go out on a few dates with someone who was too low maintenance.

Foxy

September 21st, 2011
10:16 am

Foxy thinks as long as you can afford the up keep – have at it! The grass is always greener in the persons yard who takes care of it.
GM Kids! :)

Celisea

September 21st, 2011
10:18 am

Safeansound – I like your post

abc – You’re reading nicely this morning.

I’m going to say it again, IMO it’s an attitude. Being able to afford some luxuries for yourself I see no problem with that. Having someone “do some highendly nice”, I see no problem with that. Being a brat and all consuming….we got a problem. No what, if you can’t afford luxuries and can do the bare necessities, nothing wrong with that either. :)

Celisea

September 21st, 2011
10:19 am

know what, not no what

September 21st, 2011
10:21 am

I’m extremely high maintenance during football season. It starts on Thursday with college football, which swithes to pro mid season. There’s high school football on Fridays (I only go to the major matchups). College football all day and night on Saturdays. NFL Sunday all day and night. Monday Night football. So, I only have Tuesdays and Wednesdays free during football season. LOL!

So, time is something I need a lot of…………..for football. Did I mention bowl season?

Tom

September 21st, 2011
10:22 am

I can tell you this: It’s never taken an expensive dinner or jewelry to get me to satisfy my woman to the point of curled toes, eyes rolled up in head and screams that would wake the neighbors two houses away..

whatever

September 21st, 2011
10:25 am

You have really got to be kidding me. I can’t believe that a Woman wrote this article – a article on high maintenance men? Come-on, women have played this high maintenance role since the creation. And know you want to complain because a guy may care about what he looks like and his appearance??
If a guy was a slob and didn’t care about how he looked and what he wore – you ladies wouldn’t even touch him.

Brother Exiled!

September 21st, 2011
10:28 am

@Safensound?

I’m reading ‘Other Issues’ and not HM in your post as the reason for him taking to the road.

Four kids??,that are not mine?

I would have issues as well,never mind the puddy was good!

Purp

September 21st, 2011
10:31 am

I was called HM once and I asked her how so? I don’t ask you for anything I just follow and adhere to my own standard without anyone’s help.

kimmie

September 21st, 2011
10:32 am

It’s so moist in here today, I need an umbrella.

Nobody wants a slob, male or female. This is about folks that take it to the extreme and have the extreme attitude to go with it. Don’t get your drawers or panties or whatever you wear or don’t wear in a bunch. You know what this topic is talking about.

And yeah, a dude that primps and stays in the mirror all day is MOIST! There, I said it!

SexyCool

September 21st, 2011
10:32 am

Anything that I can budget to afford is not high maintenance.

That being said, if there is anyone who want to make a donation to my #RunningNerd Fund. Please let me know. I will send you a PayPal invoice. Momma needs one more pair of running shoes and it’s time to restock my winter running gear. :)

Leggs

September 21st, 2011
10:33 am

@Purp ~ you’re high maintance because your high in the sky (tall) and it takes a lot of maintenance on that ladder to climb you.

Ok, ok, I’ll go back and sit down. I’m in some kinda way this morning (lol).

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

September 21st, 2011
10:35 am

LOL……@Kimmie

Purp

September 21st, 2011
10:36 am

LOL, Leggs I am so far from high maintenance. I like the simple life. I get dirtier than most daily but when I get clean I get clean. One side would never expect the other side. My wife is weird she says it turns her on when I am all sweaty dirty or oily. LOL

kimmie

September 21st, 2011
10:38 am

Blackfoote – I just don’t get all the “disdain” from some of these dudes!!LOL!!!

Leggs

September 21st, 2011
10:39 am

@PR ~ I realize you’re not. And, I think most men are aware of this, but a woman does love to see a hot, sweaty, dirty man from working walk by them to the bathroom to clean up (lol)…seriously, a lot of women do find that to be an aphrodisiac.