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Dating: Longer the wait, sweeter the reward

Have you ever delayed gratification for something and discovered how amazing it was to finally receive the reward for being so patient? The anticipation has intensified the desire so much, you are basically guaranteed to enjoy it.

I know this concept is not a popular one in today’s “microwave society” where it’s all about the instant…instant gratification, instant reward, instant disappointment? It’s not easy putting things on a slow track to build intensity and connection, but it can be worthwhile.

Sometimes when you are dating someone you really like, the thought of slowing things down and pacing the relationship is challenging. You want to spend all your free time with them. You want to know everything there is to know about them and what they are about right away.

I think we forget how fun it is to let things progress without a master plan of how it will all unfold. How do you pace your dating relationships so they won’t burn out too fast?

In your experience, does the longer you wait and the more time you spend getting to know someone give the relationship a better shot at lasting?

Do you have a bad habit of rushing things in order to find out all that you can about someone instantly? What is the rush and why do we have a hard time waiting?

Why do we go for the instant relationships and then have a hard time with “foreplay” and relationship building?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

154 comments Add your comment

SexyCool

September 19th, 2011
3:27 pm

http://www.ajc.com/news/cobb/marietta-man-hope-student-1184177.html

A Cobb County couple plan to get married and buy a house with their $250,000 winnings in a Georgia lottery game…The couple has three children ages 10, 12, and 13.

And they are just now getting married? This report kind of illustrates the point the author was trying to make with the Beyonce post.

Exiled!

September 19th, 2011
3:29 pm

Leggs?

The Beyonce we know in public versus the public life of the other black women out there.

Nobody is perfect but give the lady some credit for somebody in public that long.

Black people sink other black people.

I can’t believe that comment from Slim.

Surely!!

that’s hate!

TenderRoni

September 19th, 2011
3:30 pm

@Leggs, Mayweather had a serious look on his face, he was clearly still upset about head-butting. He hit Ortiz once that completely caught him off guard, and the second one he was down for the count. It was pretty funny actually!
But why was Ortiz smiling so much, even after he got knocked down. In the back of my mind I was thinking this fight was rigged

SlimUno

September 19th, 2011
3:30 pm

Exiled – I didn’t say anything negative about Beyonce…I specifically said, She would be a good match as a role model since we do not hear about her acting an ass. And it’s true that just because a celebrity is married then has kids, doesn’t mean a little girl would recognize her marriage as opposed to be more impressed by the pregnancy. Get it skrait tanto

Celisea

September 19th, 2011
3:32 pm

They like it raw,too too much and not having babies before marriage would not be possible.

The moment I read this I thought, this joker is about as crass as they come….ahead of someone else referencing “crass.” That being said, I must be right… Something must ring true since I wasn’t the only one that said it..lol

All I can rhetorically ask is…..seriously dude?

Exiled!

September 19th, 2011
3:32 pm

Slim?

role model means role model

How can u have somebody as ur role model and then do the opposite?

U get str8 sli

SexyCool

September 19th, 2011
3:33 pm

Regardless of any details of her private life, publicly, she has set a fairly decent example.

Diverse career.
Personal success.
Dated for a long time.
Married.
Now baby.
Keeps a lot of her private life out of the press.

Exiled!

September 19th, 2011
3:33 pm

Learn to appreciate good!

SlimUno

September 19th, 2011
3:34 pm

Leggs – It should be on Comedy Central at 10 I believe…

Exiled!

September 19th, 2011
3:35 pm

SexxyCool!

3:33

U my friend Again! Lol :lol:

SexyCool

September 19th, 2011
3:37 pm

You’re still crass. (lol)

SlimUno

September 19th, 2011
3:37 pm

Exiled – There isn’t any hate being spewed from this side of the keyboard. Get THAT straight.

I must really be missing something here.

Leggs

September 19th, 2011
3:37 pm

@Ex ~ I haven’t said anything against Beyonce. Just working with the words you typed.

And, I want to appreciate GREAT not good (lol). Just messing with you.

Thanks, SlimUno!

SlimUno

September 19th, 2011
3:37 pm

And another thing…My race has nothing to do with what I said.

SexyCool

September 19th, 2011
3:41 pm

How wrong would I be for sending a separation notice to a terminated employee with a stamp that says “Celebrate!”?

SlimUno

September 19th, 2011
3:43 pm

SC – OUCH!

SexyCool

September 19th, 2011
3:45 pm

Now, I’ve got to go to the post office just to pay the postage on this ONE letter….sheesh….

Leggs

September 19th, 2011
3:45 pm

@TenderRoni ~ May… was still upset and when he punched him the first time, I don’t think he thought about hitting him a second time, but then something clicked in his head (his window of opp) and he went for it.

When I saw Ortiz smiling I immediately thought he was smiling behind shame. There are many types of smiles and his was masking his stupidity (IMO).

Leggs

September 19th, 2011
3:47 pm

That’s funny, SC! Perhaps they would look at it as a time to celebrate that window closing and another one opening???

SlimUno

September 19th, 2011
3:48 pm

That’s like getting fired on your day off lol

Purp

September 19th, 2011
3:54 pm

That’s not the reason he was smiling. He was smiling because he had darn near the whole arena cheering for him still and he heard Mayweather make an ass of himself during the interview also.

SlimUno

September 19th, 2011
3:59 pm

Leggs – I saw a little clip of the roast where Mike Tyson is speaking. I was sitting there waiting for the subtitles to pop up at the bottom of the screen because I had NO idea what he was saying. :shock:

Leggs

September 19th, 2011
4:04 pm

Tks PR. That was what I was thinking behind his smile.

@SlimUno ~ that’s even funnier, subtitles.

Purp

September 19th, 2011
4:06 pm

After that Mike Tyson rant on the Sheen roast the next lady said she was waiting on an interpreter

SexyCool

September 19th, 2011
4:09 pm

I’m going to Tivo them both since I will probably be asleep.

SlimUno

September 19th, 2011
4:10 pm

I think Dancing with the Stars begins tonight too

Leggs

September 19th, 2011
4:11 pm

Yep, we get to see what Chaz and Nancy Grace is working with.

SlimUno

September 19th, 2011
4:19 pm

Who all is supposed to be on there Leggs?

GiGi

September 19th, 2011
4:22 pm

I think this relates to the topic…I met a got online about a month ago. We talked on the phone every day for a week and half before our first date. We asked the preninent questions to establish each others intentions. We both are seeking relationship that would lead to marriage. Before the first date he told me he thinks I’m the one. I was hesistant, I told him we need to take our time to get to know one another. He said he can see himself committing to me in a months time. I became even more hesistent with his forwardness to rush into a relationship. He is nice guy, we seemed to have a lot in common. I agreed to continue to on the first date though with my hestitation. First meet/date was a blast, chemistry was there, conversation was amazing, and we had a fun and relazing afternoon together. Later that night as he consistantly has called me, he called and he explained some things from his past. He lost his business due to the econmony, which resulted in him losing his vechile. He told me is rebuilding his career and he is living with a friend. My first thought was here is man that has come a long way and made many strides to get back on track. I still was hestitant though, because I’m used to a man having a car and his own place. Those are the basics. But I continued, I wanted to see where this could or would go. But I retierated we needed to take it slow. I agreed to a second date, I was looking forward to seeing him. The date started out really good, we meet for a late lunch near a shopping area, we shopped after lunch, strolling and talking. We decided to go for drinks and talk more. Thats when he shared something with me that just completetly threw me off guard. He told me he lied, that he is not living with a friend. But he is living in a shelter because after he lost everything he became homeless. Am I wrong for NOT wanting to continue pursuing a relationship with him. He said he wants me to be patient and meet half way. But I told him thats more than half way, you don’t have the basics. Its a lot to take on in the start of a relationship. All that to say, I’m glad I took my time.

Leggs

September 19th, 2011
4:27 pm

Chaz Bono
Nancy Gracy
A.J.Martinez. He’s a burn victim from fighting in the war (40% of his body, including his face). He landed a gig on All My Children

Metta World Peach, f/k/a Ron Artest
Rickie Lake
Esabetta Canalis (George Cloony’s recent ex)
Kristin Cavallari
Rob Kardashian
Chynna Phillips
David Arquette
Carson Kressley
Hope Solo (professional soccer)

Leggs

September 19th, 2011
4:30 pm

WOW, that’s a lot GiGi. Basics are essential. I commend him that he’s trying to get back on his feet, but what in the world did he do to lose everything. Ummmmm, literally scratching my head….

Purp

September 19th, 2011
4:32 pm

GIGI how was a homeless man shopping? Where did you meet him? Don’t take in a charity case in him. He is looking for a place to move in to. He will probably ruin your credit drink all your liquor and get your pregnant. On the other hand he may be a good guy, but that doesn’t mean you should date him. The only person a homeless person should be dating is another homeless person.

Celisea

September 19th, 2011
4:32 pm

GiGi – Am I wrong for NOT wanting to continue pursuing a relationship with him.

Hook, line and sinker, hoodwinked, bamboozled. If he had honest intentions why not say that first and foremost and take a gamble on a woman hanging in there with you. Why pull the okie doke and THEN come with a laundry list or problems. See that’s why I don’t frequent those sites. There may be some well intentioned folks out there but for every 10 there’s 9 that would questionable. Too much rift raft to weed through.

Drop that joker and move on. He’s looking for his comeuppance. If he’s in a shelter he shouldn’t be trying to date. He should concentrating on getting on his feet…alone. Not by way of somebody allowing him to lean on them.

Purp

September 19th, 2011
4:33 pm

Hope Solo has an awesome body!

Purp

September 19th, 2011
4:34 pm

Nancy Grace not so much.

Purp

September 19th, 2011
4:35 pm

Homeless shelters have the internet? Well at least we know GIGI is not a gold digger

SexyCool

September 19th, 2011
4:35 pm

GiGi – hell naw…(said like Whitney Houston during a Bobby and Whitney episode.)

Celisea

September 19th, 2011
4:36 pm

He said he wants me to be patient and meet half way.

In your case GiGi, that’s all the way.

Leggs

September 19th, 2011
4:39 pm

“…we meet for a late lunch near a shopping area, we shopped after lunch, strolling and talking.” Who bought what?

Leggs

September 19th, 2011
4:40 pm

Meaning did both of you shop or did YOU shop?

SlimUno

September 19th, 2011
4:41 pm

GiGi – Um…as much as it would be somewhat commendable to keep this guy as a prospect but his focus should probably be him right now, not dating. There really seems to be something strange about him first looking for potential matches on a dating website if he is, in fact, homeless. Then to go shopping, pressing you to be serious or saying he knows he can fall for you within 30 days…all that just sounds like RED FLAGS. He doesn’t have the basics so it’s really going to be hard to see if he likes you for you or likes you for a potential saving grace.

Celisea

September 19th, 2011
4:44 pm

And not trying to knock anybody for having hard circumstances…given the state of the economy sometimes I believe we’re just a decision away (cause they laid off some folks here Thursday)…wonder how that was decided. But truthfully to pull a person in your scambled life is just not a good show. Be it man or woman, if there are issues such as trying to get back on your feet, stay off the dating sites and do the needful for getting back on your feet. Make friends in places and with people you meet in case you need to call in a favor or in case they have something they can hand off to you as a friend of a favor. That’s what I would think a person would be concentrating on during a hardship.

Purp

September 19th, 2011
4:45 pm

GiGi you bought him a shirt didn’t you?

He is probably married. Did he have a homeless smell?

Celisea

September 19th, 2011
4:45 pm

GiGi did you leave?

SexyCool

September 19th, 2011
4:46 pm

That’s like my gf who had a brother in rehab and met someone while she was visiting him.

How the hell do you meet someone who is a patient at a rehab clinic?

SlimUno

September 19th, 2011
4:46 pm

And to add, if I were a guy, I think I wouldn’t feel right trying to date until I had myself more together…Doesn’t that fall into a Man Pride Law somewhere???

Purp

September 19th, 2011
4:47 pm

SexyCool, that is like a woman visiting her brother in jail and she falls in love with an inmate

Celisea

September 19th, 2011
4:48 pm

It’s trouble enough with two people trying to mesh as one or be compatible or find a commonality…the give and take of it all. Heck you don’t need that and then all those extra unrelated relationship problems.

Celisea

September 19th, 2011
4:50 pm

What say you GiGi?

Celisea

September 19th, 2011
4:51 pm

Guess all that GiGi was thinking and knew to be the right thing to do has been said. She’s gone I see.