accessAtlanta

City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP
City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP

Have a bad dating record?

Some of us have a laundry list of romantic crimes we aren’t proud of. Heaven knows I’ve had my share of misadventures when I was the culprit/perpetrator.

I always hope that the bad dating karma won’t catch up to me, but honestly I’m prepared for that to happen. All I can do is be honest with my guy about the mistakes I made and prove that I learned my lesson.

Do you find that it is difficult living down a bad dating rap?

What would you do if the person you are dating discovered something awful from your relationship past?

When it comes to a bad dating record, should we have to answer for it with the person we are currently seeing?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

190 comments Add your comment

Exiled!

September 14th, 2011
11:51 am

Kimmie?

men,we are selfish for the most part.

We like to hear ur (females) salacious past so that we can screen.

But to ur credit ladies,some of u ladies are attracted by our salacious past!

You like credibility!

kimmie

September 14th, 2011
12:00 pm

Purple – My answer to all of this is “oh women can’t be honest” is “so?” I actually respect Exiled position on it – he couldn’t handle the truth. That’s how he protects his heart. More people are just like him than most care to admit. If they really got the truth, it would require them to have to face up to it or act on it. They may reveal an ugly side of themself to that other person – that they are not that forgiving or tolerant.

I’ll never forget this radio spot I heard a few years back. This lady’s husband was away on business but he told her when he got back he wanted to tell her something. She said she was pretty sure he was going to tell her he had had an affair. She said she didn’t want to know because she liked the life she had. They had a decent marriage and great kids and lived in a nice place and she didn’t want to rock the boat. If he told her, that meant she had to face it and make a decision and she didn’t want to have to do that.

Leggs

September 14th, 2011
12:05 pm

Some like the notion of ignorance being blissful.

kimmie

September 14th, 2011
12:06 pm

Exiled – You just being honest, yourself. Admitting to what a lot of folks wont admit.

To be honest, I had a guy I was dating tell me some ugly stuff about his past, and yes, it did make me look at him differently. I just couldn’t see myself married to him or bringing a child into the world with him, considering what he told me. I eased away.

kimmie

September 14th, 2011
12:06 pm

Leggs – Yep, she admitted that. It was on Q100 a few years back.

SexyCool

September 14th, 2011
12:13 pm

I really hate the heads up “We need to talk later/when I get home” line.

Just start talking when you see me.

TheDude just did that to me yesterday. Ugh…

kimmie

September 14th, 2011
12:15 pm

SCool – That drives me CRAZY!!! My boss does that sometimes when he wants to mess with me!!LOL!!

MsMarriedUp

September 14th, 2011
12:17 pm

Man! Blinked and already at page 2.

I’ve done forgot who I wanted to quote back… Casual Observer is one… so on point. But there were at least two others too.

Come to think of it, and thanks all for the assortment of clarifications, but I agree… the past needs to stay in the past. We need to deal with people where we find them… or, meet them.

I don’t/didn’t like nasty surprises either, and have dealt with plenty deal breakers, and seen so much of this stuff that most don’t share painful matters, or things that they might think you’d shy away from. Again, try to meet people and develop casual friendships. If more develops great. If nothing,
so beit… hopefully you’ll at least have another friend. Someone that might even come to help you and maybe Ms. or Mr. Right move in/out of your next place.

Exiled!

September 14th, 2011
12:17 pm

I hate that too Sexxy!

makes me look around for my shadow.

:lol:

SexyCool

September 14th, 2011
12:22 pm

Quite frankly, there are some things that happened in my past that just are none of anybody’s business.

Let some dead sht stay buried. It doesn’t make me any less honest. It just is what it is.

Purple Reign

September 14th, 2011
12:27 pm

“with alot of things it’s not an attempt to be deceitful. It’s a desire to not relive the pain and move on. Let it stay in the past, where it belongs.”

If in a relationship and asked and not shared it’s deceitful, regardless if you don’t want to relive the pain or not.

kimmie

September 14th, 2011
12:28 pm

SCool – Exactly, nobody’s business.

Leggs

September 14th, 2011
12:29 pm

@kimmie ~ I thought it might have been Q100.

Purple Reign

September 14th, 2011
12:29 pm

Women are the devil! LOL All men are honest until a devil woman breaks his heart, then we are a lost cause until we need viagra! LOL

kimmie

September 14th, 2011
12:30 pm

Purple – Okay, call it what you want. Plus the stuff that comes to my mind would probably never be asked anyway, family stuff & such. You do what works for you.

SexyCool

September 14th, 2011
12:34 pm

If you ask me a specific question, then I will answer the question you asked. But don’t expect a voluntary disclosure of anything that I’d rather not talk about or anything that you did not directly question.

And regardless, until we reach a certain level of trust in a relationship, I’m not telling you anything that I don’t believe that I can trust you to handle. There are things that I will tell TheDude now that I wouldn’t tell him a year ago and that I certainly would not have shared when we first started dating.

Exiled!

September 14th, 2011
12:35 pm

SexxyCool?

and be sure not to invite that way ward,Facebook cousin to ur wedding coz her sloppy mouf might just spill some dead sht bout u while she next to Dude’s next of kin.

That’s the thing bout dead ish,be careful who ur new boo will talk to in ur fam.

Sassy Me...I'm on my level...yeah ;-)

September 14th, 2011
12:37 pm

there are some things that happened in my past that just are none of anybody’s business.

Soo cosign and that’s where it’ll be left…in my past. I think sometimes there are things about people we’re seeing/dating/boo-ed up with that we want to know versus what we may need to know…sometimes there are things better left unsaid. Once you’ve brought it up hell then what?….and it’s that next step alot of folks really don’t want to deal with and want to avoid more than anything.

I learned in my last relationship that guys(not all) have fragile egos and even though they may ask the question, they don’t always want the answer….I guess at certain points that could be either sex depending on the situation of course.

Leggs

September 14th, 2011
12:38 pm

@eX ~ another good reason to keep stuff to yourself never telling nare soul.

Purple Reign

September 14th, 2011
12:38 pm

Hopefully you all know I am joking..sort off.

Aunt Smoky

September 14th, 2011
12:40 pm

As someone else mentioned, anything that may truly be a deal breaker is a matter of public record. Cheating, unfortunately is not. That is a dealbreaker for me. Oh, and don’t fugg with Aunt Smoky’s medicine ;-) We good.

SexyCool

September 14th, 2011
12:41 pm

My family doesn’t know any of my business that I don’t mind him knowing.

Like I said earlier, me and God. (lol)

SlimUno

September 14th, 2011
12:45 pm

Just popping in for a few…Let’s face it, folks are judgemental whether they’ve lived a stellar, wrong-free, bad decision free life or not. But we have the words immature and mature for a reason. As you grow from a young child to an older adult, one can only hope or expect you to make the crazy mistakes or bad decisions during the younger years. However, if you are still exhibiting behaviors or decision making as if you’re still young and dumb, then at that point your ‘rep’ is held against you…of course within reason or extreme situations. There is no need to rehash every life experience or every bad situation to a person you’re dating unless it will have some bearing on the present or future. If you did a few adult movies during college, that might be something i’ll need to know. If you got drunk and wasted before, threw up on yourself or something minor, then that may just make for a good story but it’s not something i have to know….unless you killed someone in a bad car accident.

SlimUno

September 14th, 2011
12:46 pm

And i’m sure if we all had the ability to read each other’s minds or see a flash into their past, no one would be with anyone. We’d all be alone, fearful to date or be vulnerable…It’s life

Exiled!

September 14th, 2011
12:46 pm

@Leggs/Sexxy!

another reason to keep stuff to urself!

me and God!

U know ladies,u got me beat. :lol:

that’s why abc don’t trust U :lol:

see that’s the difference between u and men.

No way I’m not gonna tell my closest male cousins bout that girl that had me crawling and hollering her name in the hotel room!

:lol:

SexyCool

September 14th, 2011
12:47 pm

Slim – ThatIsTheTruth.com

SlimUno

September 14th, 2011
12:47 pm

O/T: I found a home for my kitty cat so I don’t have to take him to the humane society anymore. I’m so happy & relieved. :D

kimmie

September 14th, 2011
12:48 pm

Purple – What would you do if you found out the hair stylist your wife was going to was someone she dated briefly and slept with in the past? She told you, but only after you all had been married a year or 2. He’s married to someone else happily and she is happy with you. No lingering feelings.

Leggs

September 14th, 2011
12:52 pm

That is good news, SlimNu.

@Ex ~ it’s not even about being secretive. Stuff from back in the day that has no bearing whatsoever on my present state of mind or the relationship I’m in can stay in the past.

Exiled!

September 14th, 2011
12:54 pm

That’s why I don’t like chics with tattoos

Worse if that tattoos are next to or near some nether region or groin or near the zip code

Coz no way a tattoo artist ain’t gon say some smack and test her mental bearings to get some,as he is doing the art.

They see and smash a lotta azz!! :lol:

And then when u think bout those who may pay in kind!

If she got tattoos,it’s a short term project!

Aunt Smoky

September 14th, 2011
12:54 pm

And i’m sure if we all had the ability to read each other’s minds or see a flash into their past, no one would be with anyone. We’d all be alone, fearful to date or be vulnerable…It’s life

so true!

Sassy Me...I'm on my level...yeah ;-)

September 14th, 2011
12:55 pm

Slim Nu maybe I’ve missed it but why are you getting rid of the kitty?

She told you, but only after you all had been married a year or 2.

Was she seeing this stylist prior to marriage and if so then she had plenty of time to tell him but the fact that she’s waited as long as she has might cause her hubby to give her a brief side eye…NOT b/c she dated him but she chose to wait to tell him. That in itself might make him think she’s got some more dirt she’s not sharing.

kimmie

September 14th, 2011
12:57 pm

Exiled – Suppose she just had a little one on her arm? Like a flower with her late mother’s name under it?

Aunt Smoky

September 14th, 2011
12:59 pm

Exiled- I often thought about that myself…Aunt Smoky aint no prude, but er’body can’t see the pie!

Some folk I know have tats like that. I know they had to show their azz to get em…..literally! :lol:

kimmie

September 14th, 2011
1:03 pm

Sassy – This is a true situation that happened to a friend of mine. She dated the stylist briefly when she was in college, so it had happened 10 years prior. Her hubby told her a year down the line that it kinda bothered him, but he didn’t make a big deal about it. She briefly stopped going to the stylist. She & hubby divorced(not over that), but she told the next guy she dated about it up front and he told her to switch stylists and she did until they broke up. But she moaned & groaned the entire time that no one did her hair like he did.

Exiled!

September 14th, 2011
1:04 pm

Leggs?

Upper body ain’t too bad,I can understand the rational sometimes,sentimentalism etc.

But lower body and below,I’m excusing myself coz I’m questioning a lotta of things.

Some of the tattoo positioning has to leave u wondering about the person’s mental make up when they had it. Their mental disposition, as it were.

Speaks volumes!

kimmie

September 14th, 2011
1:06 pm

Exiled – Actually, to think about it, unless you are looking for a virgin, why should you worry about whether or not she slept with the tatoo artist since she got one in a conspicuous area? How is that any different that her having had any boyfriend in the past, before you, that she slept with?

Exiled!

September 14th, 2011
1:07 pm

Kimmie,she needed to grow up!

Keep that nugget to urself heifer.

Aunt Smoky

September 14th, 2011
1:08 pm

Some of the tattoo positioning has to leave u wondering about the person’s mental make up when they had it. Their mental disposition, as it were

Don’t be too hard on em Exiled….they may have been chillin with Aunt Smoky that day ;-)

Sassy Me...I'm on my level...yeah ;-)

September 14th, 2011
1:11 pm

but she told the next guy she dated about it up front and he told her to switch stylists and she did until they broke up.

I can sorta understand that and would expect some men to react that way…however,since it happened 10+ years prior, the current guy might think it’s not a big deal. It could go either way I guess. But clearly she should’ve told the hubby b/c for him to come back and tell her( a year later) that it bothered him meant he’s been carrying it around all that time and EVERY time she went to the stylist(or said she was going there) he might’ve been feeling some kinda way…communication is key to a successful, lasting relationship.

Leggs

September 14th, 2011
1:15 pm

Thanks, Ex, but kimmied asked the question.

It will take Aunt Smoky and Father Sniff to get me in a tat’s chair. I am so afraid.

SexyCool

September 14th, 2011
1:15 pm

For anyone who knows anyone who needs this – Tomorrow is the deadline to apply for mortgage assistance through this program.

http://findehlp.com/

Exiled!

September 14th, 2011
1:16 pm

Kimmie because I would ask myself this question:would I be comfortable Now,with her going to get a tattoo like that in the same area but different spot?

wld I be comfy with a tattoo artist up in there touching and messing with the stuff I’m supposed to exclusively handle?

that’s my thinking

A tattoo in that spot is as good as u not telling me ur past but saying hey,’ I can just show u the evidence of it’ :lol:

Leggs

September 14th, 2011
1:16 pm

How is the on again, off again hair stylist feeling. Anybody thinking of him (lol). He knows when she has a new boyfriend and when they break up.

abc

September 14th, 2011
1:23 pm

Tattoos are deal breakers anyway, never mind the guy who applied them. Tattoos are for sailors and bikers. It ain’t art, it’s mutilation.

Ain’t no ex’s around either, period. Deal breaker. I don’t have any ex’s hanging around or that I ever see, and that’s a 2 way street.

SexyCool

September 14th, 2011
1:25 pm

That’s one of those things that I would see no reason to voluntarily disclose.

SexyCool

September 14th, 2011
1:27 pm

At the same time, I would probably have found another stylist by now.

Sassy Me...I'm on my level...yeah ;-)

September 14th, 2011
1:27 pm

That’s one of those things that I would see no reason to voluntarily disclose

me either…

Casual observer

September 14th, 2011
1:32 pm

Ok…how would the converstaion regarding the hairdresser even happen??? Did the dude just assume that she was fuggin the Bronner Brother and go off???

Purple Reign

September 14th, 2011
1:33 pm

kimmie, I would feel decieved because she told me she had only slept with two people before me and I am familiar with one of them. I don’t know him though. And the other guy was her college sweet heart long term relationship etc. But we have a rule if she or I are in proximity of someone or has dealings with someone we have dated before we would let each other know. So if I found out later that she has dated/slept with her Hair Stylist I would have issue, because we have established parameters for a situation exactly like you gave. But her Hair Stylist is a sexy woman soooooooooooooooo LOL