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Have a bad dating record?

Some of us have a laundry list of romantic crimes we aren’t proud of. Heaven knows I’ve had my share of misadventures when I was the culprit/perpetrator.

I always hope that the bad dating karma won’t catch up to me, but honestly I’m prepared for that to happen. All I can do is be honest with my guy about the mistakes I made and prove that I learned my lesson.

Do you find that it is difficult living down a bad dating rap?

What would you do if the person you are dating discovered something awful from your relationship past?

When it comes to a bad dating record, should we have to answer for it with the person we are currently seeing?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

190 comments Add your comment

Matt

September 14th, 2011
6:54 am

Depending on how bad it was, I wouldn’t rule out kicking them to the curb.

Mike

September 14th, 2011
8:04 am

I agree with Matt. It really depends on the “crime.” But depending on what that rap sheet looks like, I would definitely reconsider investing my valuable time and energy on someone who has a track record of botched relationships.

Matt

September 14th, 2011
8:35 am

If they have a proven track record of being a cheater, or treating their significant badly, or being really high maintenance with no appreciation, those are factors that will most likely not change, those people men and women need to appreciate what that have and some times an extended period of not having that would benefit them. Spoiled rotten needs to be taken care of at some point.

Mike P

September 14th, 2011
8:55 am

WD –

What would you do if the person you are dating discovered something awful from your relationship past?

I don’t believe I have anything awful in my past relationships to discover, certainly nothing worth mentioning.

When it comes to a bad dating record, should we have to answer for it with the person we are currently seeing?

It depends on how bad it is, for example, if a woman has too much experience in dating wrong dudes (bad boys) and not enough experience dating with real men. You might cause a real man way too much trouble if he is not aware of your past, so its best to answer for it, giving him a better understanding.

Casual observer

September 14th, 2011
9:02 am

First of all, If you have never screwed up a relationship then you should already be married and this question should be moot… Next, as long a a lesson was learned from past experiences, then its nobody’s business what happened in my past relationships, and its non of my business what the circumstance of their past were either….

MenRhard2FigureOut

September 14th, 2011
9:06 am

Your past is your past. Unless your past dating experience will cause problems in your current relationship, I believe it should be left in the past.

Lady Strange

September 14th, 2011
9:07 am

Morning All! It’s going to depend on the situation. If they’ve cheated before then they can hit the road. Same goes if they are an abuser, be it drugs or physical/verbal abuse. Most things can be worked through with good communication and by being open and honest with eachother.

MsMarriedUp

September 14th, 2011
9:10 am

I was just about to ask… what’s a bad dating record? I’ve had many, many friends and have always tried to be on the up and up with any and everyone, so now I’m a little curious.

Is ‘don’t ask, don’t tell’ considered acceptable?

Aunt Smoky

September 14th, 2011
9:13 am

its none of my business what the circumstance of their past were either….

You would not want to know if they were a serial cheater, abuser or stalker……?

Siht………

Mike P

September 14th, 2011
9:18 am

MsMarriedUp -

Is ‘don’t ask, don’t tell’ considered acceptable? I think that “don’t ask, don’t tell” isn’t workable, especially in modern dating (internet access)… people are creatures of habit, once a cheater, always a cheater… and so on. If a person has a bad rap, chances are they’re gonna do the same to their new partner. One way or another, he or she is gonna find out, at least in part. JMO.

The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior

September 14th, 2011
9:26 am

What’s bad – really?

Did you take something that wasn’t offered? Did you hurt someone?

Beyond the (non-permissable) infliction of pain, there is no bad, it’s just.what.happened.

Owning your past is one of the first signs of maturity. The second is learning from your mistakes and not repeating them again.

If I had a bad rap, so be it. Give me some more time to rhyme, more dank to clear my mind, and you’ll get your hot track in due time. Outkast.

Aunt Smoky

September 14th, 2011
9:39 am

I guess one person’s bad is another person’s it is what is or was. Bad is subjective….

Leggs

September 14th, 2011
9:44 am

Good morning.

Do you find that it is difficult living down a bad dating rap? I’m very thankful this doesn’t apply to me. Sure, I’ve made mistakes but I’ve never treated anyone badly, nor did I cheat. My bluntness may have caused some to cringe, but that’s about it.

mark

September 14th, 2011
9:46 am

lord knows i have made mistakes in relationships. and i just try to be honest with the ladies i meet. but i can handle most anything a woman has done in her dating life ecept if she has been arrested for a serious crime or if she admits that she has cheated more than twice on a mate.
And if she has ever dated a WHITEMAN! shes Done With Me cant except that!

The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior

September 14th, 2011
9:47 am

If you rape, hurt a child, or a woman – that’s bad. Period.

The shades of grey lie only between two consenting adults.

Matt

September 14th, 2011
9:55 am

I look at relationships like I would business, I wouldn’t invest in someone that has a bad rap, unless I have seen proof that they have changed, why waste the time, money, and effort. If you see someone is a certain way then generally speaking they won’t change, if they get what they want by doing bad things that is a character flaw, hurting people, in one way or another shows a general lack of morality, and those people are selfish and shouldn’t be messed with.

Amia

September 14th, 2011
10:12 am

Like beauty is in the eye of the beholder, I guess bad is too. What’s bad? Everyone has done something in their relationship that the next person may think is bad and the person after that, think it’s fine. If someone cheated on a girlfriend, not a deal breaker for me. Cheated on a wife? I would want to know the whole story. Beat a woman? Deal breaker. Hurt a child? Deal breaker. In and out of jail and expect your SO to get you out? Not gonna happen.

Casual observer

September 14th, 2011
10:14 am

This is where the problem comes in… Why are you even considering dating a rapist, child abusing junkie??? I thing we should play this one above board and make this about rational semi “Normal” situations…. i.e. a person who has cheated…When I was first out of college, I had a long term girl friend…I went to Frankies (This was back in the day) and hooked up with another girl. The jump-off and I kicked it on teh side for like 6 or 7 months…Fast forward 18 years and I am not the same guy… i have grown and would choose not to go down that road again… Do my 23 year old choices now make me undateable as a 40+ year old???

abc

September 14th, 2011
10:23 am

Besides the obvious criminal behavior that would be of interest, consider these:

Suppose she’d previously married a man just because he had money.

Suppose she’d been a serial cheater — did she cheat with you?

Suppose she’d taken vengeance in the form of vandalism, of an ex’s car, house, whatever. Chicks keying cars is almost a cliche.

“Don’t ask don’t tell” is pretty much the rule with women, isn’t it? There’s plenty they don’t want you to know, it’s pointless to ask. If they answer, it won’t be the truth anyway, so why bother.

kimmie

September 14th, 2011
10:28 am

Morning All!

Casual – You are making a lot of sense today. I agree with both of your posts.

I’m not going there about obvious stuff like rape or physical violence. Those things should be a matter of public record. Plus, there are folks that will still date them too, warts and all. I’m talking more realistic stuff, like Casual said. If you made mistakes in the past, like cheated on someone, aren’t you already paying for that, since you’re no longer with that person you cheated on? I mean, how long should you have to pay? Plus, you’d only be hearing one side of the story. Get to know people and observe their behavior, how folks around them like their friends and family react to them, and decide for yourself. Again, another case for taking your time and getting to know someone – but folks don’t want to do that these days, wanna jump into the physical and then look crazy when they find out something unflattering!

Leggs – Cool emails!

Leggs

September 14th, 2011
10:30 am

kimmie

September 14th, 2011
10:58 am

Where is everyone?

Casual observer

September 14th, 2011
11:02 am

Morning Kimmie :)

Leggs

September 14th, 2011
11:02 am

I know, it’s like everyone took a siesta at the same time.

kimmie

September 14th, 2011
11:10 am

Morning Casual! :)

Purple Reign

September 14th, 2011
11:10 am

Your past is your past. I am a firm believer in that. As long as you did not hurt a child or rape a woman. All is forgiven and there is a clean slate with me. Believe it or not some people do change for the better.

Mr_NYC

September 14th, 2011
11:10 am

Good morning all — not a very ocmplicated topic. Take your time, observe, listen and ask questions. If mistakes have been made is there evidence that the lesson has been learned. Make your decision.
Risne and repeat. :-)

Purple Reign

September 14th, 2011
11:12 am

Also, I think a woman is never totally honest. (Blog vest on) So I really think that they keep some deep down things to themself, no matter how much they trust you.

kimmie

September 14th, 2011
11:15 am

Purple – At least be original! LOL!!

Leggs

September 14th, 2011
11:15 am

Same for mankind.

Purple Reign

September 14th, 2011
11:18 am

Kimmie, what did I do? LOL
Leggs I disagree a man will get to a point where he will share all with his woman a woman will keep 1 or 2 things to herself and never admit it, not even to her best female friend. LOL

Aunt Smoky

September 14th, 2011
11:20 am

Also, I think a woman is never totally honest. (Blog vest on) So I really think that they keep some deep down things to themself, no matter how much they trust you.

I agree with this. And I say the same thing about men. I don’t believe you are ever gonna know all of anyone’s past. I don’t care how long you know them….I know some things I am taking to the grave.

I know I am not the only one.

Leggs

September 14th, 2011
11:20 am

I disagree, PR.

Leggs

September 14th, 2011
11:21 am

Thanks Aunt Smoky. I concur!

Exiled!

September 14th, 2011
11:21 am

Good morning!

‘As long as u didn’t rape a woman’

What if she raped a man but she wasn’t charged coz the man was coy about pressing charges?

Would her libido intimidate you,if ure male or it’s the principle that you still don’t like:snatching without authorization?

As for me,I just prefer I font hear about your past coz I may not like it or it may just gross me out.

I am not Jesus,I don’t play fair.

It’s my rules that matter,fair,forgiving or not.

I’m just not open to somebody else transgressions except my own.

That’s how I protect my heart!

SexyCool

September 14th, 2011
11:21 am

There are some things that are between me and God. (That is all.)

Exiled!

September 14th, 2011
11:22 am

Don’t hear

kimmie

September 14th, 2011
11:24 am

Purple – Speak for yourself. I don’t think all men will share every morsel with his woman. It depends on the man and his experiences with women and his ability to trust. Same applies with women. And so what if a PERSON wants to keep something to themself, especially if it does not hurt the relationship? It may be something that happened when you were a kid and you got past it and just prefer not to revisit it, even with a buddy. So what?

Leggs

September 14th, 2011
11:28 am

There are things in my past that I will never, ever speak about. I’m with you SC, God knows and it will be taken to the grave with me.

Purple Reign

September 14th, 2011
11:30 am

Exiled if she raped a man and it wasn’t anally it’s all good.

Kimmie I am speaking for everyman and woman on this matter. Because I am the KING of the Internet today. It is written so it shall be! lol

Purple Reign

September 14th, 2011
11:31 am

Yeah Leggs and Sexy Cool because if anyone besides us and God knows what we did in that kidded pool filled with baby oil and rubber duckies…welll other may look differently at us.

kimmie

September 14th, 2011
11:33 am

Purple – Alright, I see you take your REIGN seriously, oh purple badness!!LOL!!

But really, with alot of things it’s not an attempt to be deceitful. It’s a desire to not relive the pain and move on. Let it stay in the past, where it belongs.

Exiled!

September 14th, 2011
11:34 am

The only people who are truly transparent with their past are those with a short rap sheet.

If ur f-kin rap is looooong,u ain’t telling none,at least not a whole lot to nobody.

U just kinda airbrush/fudge ur record a lil bit,put some lil non damaging dirt then KIM.

Whose gonna reveal that orgy u had with some strangers when after u went and left that club with ur girls and headed to the hotel?

Coz ur boo is gon be like :eek: :x
:???:

Biaatch!

Leggs

September 14th, 2011
11:35 am

Exactly. Everything about one’s past doesn’t need to be told. If it’s irrelevant, zip it!

kimmie

September 14th, 2011
11:39 am

The dudes on this blog love to be all up in somebody else’s business!

Leggs

September 14th, 2011
11:40 am

Ex just like being all up in it….

Leggs

September 14th, 2011
11:43 am

Cold cut artist is Angela Winbush (404) 741-1075

Purple Reign

September 14th, 2011
11:46 am

kimmie, like who? Not me. LOL I don’t care because I have a checkered past with some bad stuff. But I have a great past in regards to dating LOL

abc

September 14th, 2011
11:49 am

If asked, I’ll tell the truth about my past. It’s there, I did it, I don’t see any reason to deny it. Some of it ain’t pretty, either, but hey, if you ask I’ll tell you. That certainly goes for sweetie too, if she asks, I’ll tell.

But, men know that women aren’t like that. I think comments today reinforce that. A man that repeatedly asks a chick about things she won’t talk about is naive, or immature, or he’s hanging with the wrong chick. Lord knows, if it’s that big of a secret, it’s a pretty sure bet that he doesn’t really want to know the truth, anyway, chances are.

Aunt Smoky

September 14th, 2011
11:51 am

with alot of things it’s not an attempt to be deceitful. It’s a desire to not relive the pain and move on. Let it stay in the past, where it belongs.

Yep. That’s it. Good post Kimmie.