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Dating the date juggler?

My friend David met a really great girl but he has already decided to move on. He found out that she is “in demand” and gets asked out quite a lot. Apparently, this is a deal breaker?

I asked him why would he give up so easily. He’s no slouch and he could easily “compete” for her affections. He said that he is no interested in doing so. Call it ego, or just knowing he has a boatload of options himself. He doesn’t date the date juggler.

I am not sure how he knows how many guys the young girl was seeing. I wonder why do we need to be the only one a person is dating? If you are single and exploring your options, should you really be penalized for that?

How many prospects should you try to take on at one time in dating?

Would it bother you if you went out with someone and you were their second date or meet up of the day?

Do you think a single person who juggles a bunch of dates is a deal breaker?

What do you do if you are seeing someone you connect with and you want them to drop their other options? Is it fair to ask that they stop seeing other people when you aren’t sure that you want to be exclusive with them?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

280 comments Add your comment

CoolShadow

September 13th, 2011
10:25 am

@ Take 2 – are they aware of each other?

Exiled!

September 13th, 2011
10:25 am

And some guys smash on a first date as well,they are that smoove.

So a juggler has probably smashed a dude the previous day but accepted ur date the next day just because.

Now u in a rotation dude.

Don’t be a willing participant unless she dint tell u! :lol:

SexyCool

September 13th, 2011
10:29 am

kimmie – type that again, just in case she didn’t read you. (lol)

Blah blah

September 13th, 2011
10:35 am

Ok for all of you girls out there, you have way more options than us guys. That is why it would make more sense for all of you to want to explore your options. However for us guys, I am not interested one bit with a juggler, dating is way to expensive time consuming and frustrating without having to worry about a girl dating another guy. So absolutely not, I refuse to date someone who is dating other people, juggling the time around, not worth my time, if the girl is not willing to put in the effort.

kimmie

September 13th, 2011
10:37 am

SCool – Okay?!! That’s what stuck out in my head when I was reading her post. She didn’t say anything about him dropping his!!

Exiled!

September 13th, 2011
10:39 am

@Blah blah?

U have more options than they(women) have,not the other way round!

U have low self esteem?

czBrat

September 13th, 2011
10:39 am

randy, so long as you get what i’m trying to say. i’m no serial dater either but i certainly understand that some folks take a certain amount of time and a particular path toward deciding if they want to boo-up. i say you gotta allow them some room for that decision-making process.

Take 2

September 13th, 2011
10:41 am

@Randyt-No, there’s no resentment or ill feelings. They know that we’re not exclusive and for now its ok. They are also free to date other women if they choose, but I don’t think either of them are. I’m not some flighty chick out to mooch off a man. I am well able to feed, clothe and care for myself. I make good money and can to do or see anything I so desire, so it’s not about sponsorship for me. I’m just not pressed about rushing into a monogamous relationship. I’ve always been “relationship girl”, meaning date one guy a few weeks and then we’re in a committed relationship. I’ve never really, truly dated. I want to be married one day and have a family but right now I’m enjoying my options and the variety that these two gentlemen offer me.

Sensual Chic

September 13th, 2011
10:42 am

@ Dan – when did I say we were having sex!? We are not and will not be having sex unless we get married. I’m waiting until marriage and he’s cool with that and he’s willing to wait although it’s hard. However, I do agree with you that maybe…he was digging someone else when he told me (he was seeing others).

@ kimmie – funny you asked that b/c I asked him out of curiosity last night…and he said that he wasn’t seeing anyone else now and I believe him. Recently, he introduced me to his mom, other relatives and I have met his friends. We also do a lot of things together with others now too…so I believe him.

Take 2

September 13th, 2011
10:42 am

@CoolShadow-they aren’t aware of one another per se, but they know that I’m dating. I find that they prefer not to discuss what happens outside of our individual interactions.

abc

September 13th, 2011
10:43 am

I agree with Exiled, I don’t think women have more opportunity or options in dating than men. I never lacked opportunity, I turned down most of them. 4 years or so ago, when in the midst of dating, I found myself involved with 4 chicks at once. What a fiasco! I went along like that for a few months, and then cut all 4 of them loose. It was a real drag. Actually, being single and dating was, in general, a real drag.

Gracie L

September 13th, 2011
10:46 am

Re: girls having way more options than guys: That’s just NOT true! Not in Atlanta, anyway! It may SEEM that way to a young man who’s not as smoove as he’d like, since women mature and have the opportunity to “date up” at a younger age. But any single person in Atlanta over 35 or 40 knows that the ratio of available men to women is not even close! Atlanta is the world-wide capital of desperate women, and as a result, the baseline is MUCH higher than most places. That’s why we’re known for having beautiful women here — we don’t dare show ourselves in public until we’ve made every effort to be well dressed, heeled, manicured, coiffed, exfoliated, and perfumed. A single man with any savvy at all can easily explore his options for months or years before deciding with whom he wants to merge.

Not saying all of you are like that, as several gentlemen have stated here: they only date one at a time. Good for you! But this is not the norm by any means, especially in the divorced realm. Reality: it is what it is.

czBrat

September 13th, 2011
10:49 am

I don’t think women have more opportunity or options in dating than men.
i’d say that depends on the woman in question. and the man.

kimmie

September 13th, 2011
10:50 am

world-wide capital of desperate women

Gracie – Speak for yourself.

Blah blah

September 13th, 2011
10:54 am

@Exiled
Get a clue, I don’t know the exact numbers but it’s something like 80% of women date 20% of men, that means women for the most part ignore 80% of guys advances. If you think I have low self esteem you may be correct, but that doesn’t change the fact that women are the gate keepers and the rejectors more often than men.

Mike in Marietta

September 13th, 2011
10:57 am

It depends on your goal. If you are out there just to have a good time and meet and sleep with bunches of people, date jugglers are fine. If you are beyond that stage of your life and you are looking for a life partner, date jugglers are out of the question because it demonstrates they are not yet at the point of looking to settle down with one person.

czBrat

September 13th, 2011
10:59 am

we don’t dare show ourselves in public until we’ve made every effort to be well dressed, heeled, manicured, coiffed, exfoliated, and perfumed.

Gracie – Speak for yourself.

(as brat shrugs off the sight of her peeling nail polish and still wet hair) LOL

Button

September 13th, 2011
11:01 am

Dating means different things to different people. I now make it a habit to ask the guy before even accepting a date what’s his definition of dating, knock down any and all confusion.

Gracie L

September 13th, 2011
11:01 am

kimmie,

It’s a general observation; don’t take it personally already. I’ll expound: As someone who chose to put my duties as a mother over my quest for love, I have dated many men over the years on a casual (friends mostly) basis, w/o getting “serious.” A man wants a woman who will put him first, and I chose to put my kids first. My choice; still single. As such, I can tell you I have yet to meet a man in this town who doesn’t have a “stalker” story. You know, a woman he dated for awhile, or even just a couple of times, decides they are a couple before he does. Or she can’t accept the breakup, or not coming first. Phone calls, drive bys, showing up where he goes, and even stealing his phone bill and calling all the numbers on it to confront the other women! (That was an interesting call!) I can’t tell you how many times I’ve witnessed this myself… “We went out the last two Fridays, but he didn’t ask me out for this weekend…. so I will track him down at his office and ask him why!” I’ve actually had women show up when I was on a first date with a man to confront him, and get all up in MY face! Uh…. all I did was accept a dinner invitation, and some crazy woman is all “DID YOU KNOW ABOUT UUUUUUUS!” I never go anywhere I’m not invited, and I don’t give chase. Resist the urge, ladies.

kimmie

September 13th, 2011
11:02 am

Sen Chic – Good. But that would have been the first thing I asked him when I noticed he was taking up all my time.

You said neither of you want to be in a relationship just yet – then what do you call it you are doing? Meeting families & all, spending time together..?

D Dub of the MSP (formerly D Dub of the ATL)

September 13th, 2011
11:03 am

How many prospects should you try to take on at one time in dating? – I honestly hate questions like this because the answer is almost always “It depends on the person.” As a man, it really doesn’t make sense financially to go dating as many as possible because I tend to be the one that grabs the bill at the end of the night… to quote Big Daddy Kane, “Romance with no finance is a damn nu-sance.” Going dutch is something I do with friends – and even with friends we tend to do the round-robin on who pays the bill.

Do you think a single person who juggles a bunch of dates is a deal breaker? – Not necessarily a deal breaker, but for me it is a clear indicator of someone that is not ready for any long-term relationship. Randyt said it best when he pulled the quote from Bull Durham. I don’t need to compete for your attention, affection, etc. – I know what I bring to the party, and if you’re too busy to see that then this relationship is going to go the route of friends or rabbit-dancing partner and nothing else.

Exiled!

September 13th, 2011
11:04 am

Blah blah?

Let’s assume ur math is accurate coz it suffices for the argument:

There are 3 times as many women as men right,so 80% of 3000 females is 2400 dating 20% of 1000 men= 200 men

So 200 men have the option of choosing 2,400 women and u say what again?
So how do women end up with more options?
Blah bla?

Button

September 13th, 2011
11:10 am

@Gracie L. says “A man wants a woman who will put him first, and I chose to put my kids first.” Not all men are like this. If you’re a single parent, a healthy adult man/woman would not expect/allow you do diss your kids for him/her.

Casual observer

September 13th, 2011
11:12 am

This is amazing…..Its no wonder the divorce rate is 60%…. Folks out here getting all “Booed up” after like two dates!!! I am all for finding that special person and all that, But after two or three dates??? By that logic, you meet a person on Tuesday, you hit happy hour on Thursday, You hit a movie on Saturday… If you go to Wednesday dinner does that mean its time to meet the parents????

Lady Strange

September 13th, 2011
11:12 am

@dan – kids are not baggage. If you don’t want to date a woman who has a kid(s) then don’t. There are plenty of men that have no problem dating a woman who has children. There are plenty of single men with kids out there dating too. I would never date a man who considered my son to be baggage.

I personally never “juggle” dated for long, just too much time and energy and it always bothered me to date more than one person at a time. After a few dates, plus talking between dates, and I would see who the best fit for me was. Doesn’t mean it always worked out but got to take chances in this world.

Sensual Chic

September 13th, 2011
11:13 am

@ kimmie – One of my friends said something similar to me this morning. What are you guys doing? lol ~ After I told her, he wanted to come with me when I go home to visit my family.

…but I’m not going to let anyone pressure us…we are just going to go with the flow and see what happens…as long as we both know how we are feeling…no need to put a title on it just yet. We know where we stand, if we have a question – we ask one another and we are honest. He said to me the other day that I deserve to be someone’s wife. So, I feel he’s definitely thinking about the future.

Lady Strange

September 13th, 2011
11:14 am

@Button – agreed! A man who is confident in themselves has no trouble with a woman who puts her kids first over anyone else. I would have issues with someone who expected to come before children.

Button

September 13th, 2011
11:14 am

LOL @Casual O, funny it happens that way for some and yet they’re still married!

SlimUno

September 13th, 2011
11:15 am

Do you all have an issue if a person you’re dating, involved with, etc takes you to a place/restaurant/event they took or frequented with a previous partner of theirs?

abc

September 13th, 2011
11:15 am

A husband merits first place ahead of children, but a boyfriend does not.

Tiny Grimes is the “Romance WIthout FInance” reference, not Daddy Kane.

Gracie, I’ve been through the whole being stalked thing. It was one of the biggest down sides of dating: chicks have a tough time accepting that a man isn’t interested. They figure they can pretty much get anyone they want, even if only for temporal physical gratification, just by making themselves available. After you drop a load of cash on them and then don’t want to take them out anymore, they don’t understand why.

Button

September 13th, 2011
11:18 am

Sensual C I read somewhere that when a man knows where he belongs he acts according, just going with the flow is never a good thing esp when it comes to matters of the heart and my time. IMO

Lady Strange

September 13th, 2011
11:20 am

@Slim – No, this typically wouldn’t bother me. Unless it was the other person’s favorite place then I would wonder what they were thinking taking me there. But that hasn’t happened to me yet. :)

SexyCool

September 13th, 2011
11:23 am

Slim…I don’t mind. I just don’t want to be hearing any “fond memories.” (lol)

Button

September 13th, 2011
11:24 am

Absolutely not SlimU

D Dub of the MSP (formerly D Dub of the ATL)

September 13th, 2011
11:25 am

@abc – Thanks for the lesson – I knew Tiny Grimes said it first, but since he was dead when I first heard Kane say it, that’s who I associate it with…

abc

September 13th, 2011
11:29 am

Yo man, Bird played on the single… epic history! You so great, you so fine, you ain’t got no money you can’t be mine — it ain’t no joke to be stone broke, baby, you know I ain’t lyin, when I say — Romance without finance is a nuisance! Be de boo wee da boo do be da do, bop pow.

D Dub of the MSP (formerly D Dub of the ATL)

September 13th, 2011
11:29 am

@Slim – no problem with frequenting the old flame’s spot – especially if the food is good.

czBrat

September 13th, 2011
11:31 am

Do you all have an issue if a person you’re dating, involved with, etc takes you to a place/restaurant/event they took or frequented with a previous partner of theirs?

it would bug me if i thought he was trying to re-live moments. but the upside is that it’s always good to go places you KNOW are going to satisfy because one of you has tried it before. as a rule, i might generally ask “how do you know this place?” or “have you been here/done this before?” and the response (and body language) will tell me if there’s an ex attached to the story.

Blah blah

September 13th, 2011
11:31 am

@Exiled
You clearly missed the point of my arguement, my point is what about the other 80% of men that women totally ignore. If you go to any bar, you will see mostly guys, not girls. It is not that guys aren’t trying to date, it’s that most of us 80% get rejected. Then we have to listen to women saying that they want to casually date lots of guys and complain that when a guy wants to date more than one person, I have already been divorced, I am far beyond the point of wanting a girl that juggles. Not worth my time and energy, if she can’t appreciate my situation as a guy wanting to date one person, I refuse to be just an option for her.

Button

September 13th, 2011
11:31 am

It’s crazy for a person to think that just because they are in the picture that their date/fling/ect didn’t have a life before them. I’ve met a few knuckleheads that got a tude when they ask me about my previous relationship, they ask so I told. I guess they thought I was fresh out of my mother’s womb. LOL

Randyt (aka Been There, Done That, Got a Closet FULL of T-Shirts)

September 13th, 2011
11:33 am

@SlimUno re: “Do you all have an issue if a person you’re dating, involved with, etc takes you to a place/restaurant/event they took or frequented with a previous partner of theirs”?

Worst example of this ever for me…was in a parking lot at a mall when the lady I had been seeing and I began to get a little frisky. About that time she said something which made me realize that apparently a parked car was where she and her previous lover had been often involved. Man that took all of the wind out of my sails, I didn’t want near her for the rest of the evening. Sometimes one can give up TMI.

Jake: Sweet Peeda Jeeda, TWB

September 13th, 2011
11:33 am

This one is real interesting…and kids are baggage, not literally, but it means if the man or woman becomes serious with said parent, the kid instantly become yours too…, but it definitely something you can work with…no different than than dating a “pet lover
” except that the dog will never tell you, “you ain’t my real daddy”

Button

September 13th, 2011
11:33 am

Right czB being tactful is the key.

Sensual Chic

September 13th, 2011
11:34 am

@ Button – he already knows I’m not going to be going with the flow for a long time but for now…it’s still so new – we still need to get to know one another more – why rush. Plus, I enjoy spending time with him and likewise.

So, I think it’s fine for now but in a year. I may not think that way. He knows that I’m not going to sit around 4ever. I already told him that…but I don’t want to put any pressure on things. In due season, we will get our harvest. For now, just enjoying the time getting to know one another better and letting it manifest (perhaps) into something beautiful. ;-)

Gracie L

September 13th, 2011
11:35 am

Button: “Not all men are like this. If you’re a single parent, a healthy adult man/woman would not expect/allow you do diss your kids for him/her.”

Yes, of course! There are some wonderful people out there. For me, much of it was about time. A “serious” romantic relationship that’s leading up to marriage takes time and energy. When you have a full-time job, kids, house, yard, animals, bills, etc., there’s not much T&E left over for the kind of sharing that leads to a healthy, well-considered pair bonding. Same for divorced daddies. They should take their daddy time seriously; they grow up so fast! I am uncomfortable sitting across the table from a man who has no idea where his 15-yr-old is, or what she’s doing on a Friday night.

abc

September 13th, 2011
11:38 am

The correct response to “you ain’t my real daddy” is “no, but I’m the one that’s going to smack you in the head if you don’t shutup, and right now”. I’ve had to deal with that before. Damn right I’m not your real daddy, that butthead is nowhere to be found, right?

SlimUno

September 13th, 2011
11:39 am

I don’t know if the beau was joking or not but when he found out i had been to Aja before he was like, Oh…thought it was special. I mean, come on…I’ve been living here for umpteenth years so we’re bound to go to a spot i’ve been to with someone else. I’m sure if we were in his home state, it would be the same thing.

Button

September 13th, 2011
11:43 am

GracieL I can agree that dating and being a single parent can pose a challenge and for those who had success in doing so, much props to you! but when you said: ” A “serious” romantic relationship that’s leading up to marriage takes time and energy.” I beg to diff, I think communication is the key. Effective and efficient communication squashes access time and unwarranted energy.

kimmie

September 13th, 2011
11:44 am

I never minded dating men with kids, but there had to be evidence that they were being raised well. Kids were never a dealbreaker for me, I love them, but “bad”, smart-mouthed kids were. Some kid saying “you ain’t my real mama” is evidence the ball is being dropped and respect for adults is not being taught.

My husbands kids have not once said anything remotely like that to me. Even though their mother passed away, they could still say it if they were not taught better. I love them like my own and they have always been respectful. Goes along way in ensuring a happy home.

SlimUno

September 13th, 2011
11:44 am

Randy – that was messed up…I don’t care if you take me to a place you’ve been before with someone else (we both had previous lives) but i don’t need to know your ex gave you some Beck on 85N on the way to dinner and a movie lol