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Dating: Do you ask about their finances?

What would you do if the person you are dating are showing signs of financial instability? Maybe you notice their lack of frugality or their excessive spending. Or maybe you are with them when their credit card was declined.

I read somewhere about a young woman who was on a first date with a guy and his card was declined. She didn’t judge him by this incident and they are now married. If she dumped him because of this embarrassing snafu, she could have thrown away her chance of happiness!

So what is the best approach in paying attention to your date’s money management? Is it something you should inquire about? If you notice something awry, do you bring it up?

Do you (or should you) ask about a person’s financial plan when you are dating? Should you wait until you are in a relationship to bring it up or would that be too late?

How important is it to date someone who is smart about money?

Just curious: What would you do if you went on a date and their credit card was declined?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

315 comments Add your comment

SlimNu

September 8th, 2011
11:45 am

There are no butterflies here until or IF a proposal were to come. I don’t get excited about ‘talk’.

kimmie

September 8th, 2011
11:45 am

Slim – I hate it when guys joke about that stuff. Might meen he’s trying to get a reaction out of you. When guys would do that to me, I would completely ignore it.

Sassy Me...In it to Win it ;-)

September 8th, 2011
11:52 am

blogettes, brat got her boot fix on early this morning.

CZ!!!! Stop it I say…those boots are HAWT(as I eye a pair but I’m just looking). I could do several types of outfits with those…and some other things sans the outfit ;-)

SlimNu

September 8th, 2011
11:53 am

kimmie – Well I was just like, i have no problem going to the Cote-house but I said, that really doesn’t matter until I get asked. He said, well I wouldn’t have to ask. Which then i asked why? He said because he has a knowing…I suppose to mean he already knows i’d want to marry him. That was the other night.

So this morning I brought it up while we were chatting getting ready for work. I said, I’d at least want to do Vegas if it was going to be a JOP type deal. He said he felt doing it in Vegas would decrease the chances of it working out lol

Lady Strange

September 8th, 2011
11:55 am

My S/O used a gift card when we first met. It was just for coffee but I found it a little strange to use a gift card on a first date. But this has turned out to be the best relationship I’ve ever been in. He may not have the best finances but that can be corrected with time. Then he lost his job a few weeks after we started dating. Just another bump in the road for us but together we’ll make it just fine.

It’s different if it happens all the time, going out and the other person expecting you to pay or having their credit card magically be declined every time. Without getting to know the person, it’s hard to say if it’s going to be a problem. But I don’t think it’s anyone’s business what your finances are until you’re in a commited long-term relationship.

Sassy Me...In it to Win it ;-)

September 8th, 2011
11:56 am

. I don’t get excited about ‘talk’.

Me either Slim Nu cause a mouth can say anything. A queen friend of mine as a saying that he lives by and I like it..F^*k the la la honey, I need action.. Don’t talk about it BE about it :lol:

Into the Light

September 8th, 2011
11:58 am

Morning, all!

Don’t talk about it BE about it

Worth repeating. Repeatedly.

Lady Strange

September 8th, 2011
11:59 am

@Slim – I don’t think most men “joke” about getting married. Just my opinion of course. Most men I’ve know run for the hills at the first mention of marriage. LOL. But if they’re serious about it, yes I think they would discuss it. My man and I discuss it pretty frequently. We know we will get married, just not the when. But we like to talk about it and plan.

Leggs

September 8th, 2011
12:03 pm

@ITL ~ we just had a topic about actions vs words last week.

I agree with others, SlimNu, he’s feeling you out. If he’s never talked about it before, must be cool that he’s thinking about it. All steps start with a thought…

Button

September 8th, 2011
12:05 pm

I personally think it’s important to ask a person about their finances, but in a tactful way. If I feel a concern about it, I would eye ball what/how he spends and if he is frugal or an over spender while dating then I’ll have a glance at how he will be if we were to marry. I’ve been asked how often do I shop and where, I guess if he had a clue how often and where I shopped then that would give him an idea of how I handle my finances, and that alone is very important since under cheating, finances is the number 2 reason for divorce. IMO….

SN: I’ve also been asked how many pairs of shoes do I own..when I said over 125 the dude almost fell out of his chair…lol

Into the Light

September 8th, 2011
12:07 pm

Leggs,
I’ve been kinda hit or miss on the blog lately. More miss than hit. But I see where you’re giving out lottery numbers. I’ll look for your e-mail… :)

@cz: Totally heart those boots! :)

Jeff

September 8th, 2011
12:09 pm

You’re welcome to ask any questions you want as long as you’re willing to answer them in return.

Fion

September 8th, 2011
12:11 pm

I think Button is really Imelda Marcos Bloggin’.

Leggs

September 8th, 2011
12:13 pm

@Fion ~ a lot of women have about that many shoes in their closet.

Into the Light

September 8th, 2011
12:13 pm

LOL@Fion. I think (s)he’s somebody, but I won’t say who.

Simple Man....

September 8th, 2011
12:15 pm

“SN: I’ve also been asked how many pairs of shoes do I own..when I said over 125 the dude almost fell out of his chair…lol”

Is that all???

Do you really think you can garner any real information from a person based on how they spend on a couple of dates????

REALLY????

Leggs

September 8th, 2011
12:17 pm

Probably not, SimpleM. BUT, if his belt doesn’t match his shoes, he pretty much is a laid back person and don’t care about such things (lol).

Into the Light

September 8th, 2011
12:19 pm

I guess if he had a clue how often and where I shopped then that would give him an idea of how I handle my finances

No, it would give him an idea of how often and where you shop.

czBrat

September 8th, 2011
12:21 pm

awww, slimcutie! he’s totally dippin his big toe in the water. careful not to mislead though. if you’re not right there with him. although i clearly told dude i wasn’t ready, and he asked anyway. go figure.

yup, yup! got the charcoal pair on it’s way home to mama. now i gotta find a couple sweater dresses and a nice fitted skirt to set it off.

Leggs

September 8th, 2011
12:22 pm

Men, how many shoes do you have?

Leggs

September 8th, 2011
12:23 pm

@czB ~ I’m telling you here and now, if I see you with those boots on, I’m bootjacking you…keep some shoes in your car…YOU’VE BEEN WARNED!

Sassy Me...In it to Win it ;-)

September 8th, 2011
12:26 pm

I think (s)he’s somebody, but I won’t say who.

That sentiment came up their first day(s) here…soo you know how that goes. They like it I luv it…our blog is schizoid with multiple personalities…

Into the Light

September 8th, 2011
12:26 pm

LOL@Leggs and the bootjacking.

Oooh, love the charcoal, cz. It’s the new black!

Fion

September 8th, 2011
12:27 pm

2-pair. Brown and Black. The Black pair are run over though.

Simple Man....

September 8th, 2011
12:27 pm

“Men, how many shoes do you have?”

(Putting on my bullet proof Blog vest and my footabll helment with teh shaded visor)

More than Button….. ( Yeah I said it….WHAT!!!! )

SlimNu

September 8th, 2011
12:28 pm

All steps start with a thought…

I suppose you’re right Leggs ;-)

Sassy Me...In it to Win it ;-)

September 8th, 2011
12:28 pm

now i gotta find a couple sweater dresses and a nice fitted skirt to set it off.

I see a hat somewhere in there,too cz…a black or grey Fedora once it gets a lil chilly outside.

Into the Light

September 8th, 2011
12:29 pm

Yeah, Sassy….I was the accused that day. It’s not me, but I have a REALLY good idea who it is. Like you say, they like it, I love it. BoneFish is ready when they are….

SlimNu

September 8th, 2011
12:29 pm

I don’t own a lot of shoes…

Leggs

September 8th, 2011
12:33 pm

@Fion ~ like the Rep. Joe Wilson said to President Obama, YOU LIE! :wink:

@SimpleM ~ WOW, that’s a lot of shoes. You might be the only man I’m acquainted with that has that many shoes. No doubt, you are one sharp arse dresser!!! My Wonder Woman bracelets will help deflect some of the ammunition that may come your way….

@SlimNu ~ so don’t be too nonchalant when he brings it up. You know what and how to do it!!!

Leggs

September 8th, 2011
12:33 pm

Now Sassy, I definitely can see you with a Fedora on…you two czB.

SlimNu

September 8th, 2011
12:35 pm

Sassy Me...In it to Win it ;-)

September 8th, 2011
12:35 pm

BoneFish is ready when they are….

:mrgreen:

Classic.

Leggs

September 8th, 2011
12:36 pm

@ITL ~ I’m literally laughing at you. I love the subtlety of your posts. :lol: :lol: :lol:

Sassy Me...In it to Win it ;-)

September 8th, 2011
12:37 pm

Leggs I have several Fedoras and I can see cz in one ,too, and with those boots she just got it’ll be super sexxy ;-)

Leggs

September 8th, 2011
12:38 pm

Love “sick, drunk or half-stupid.”

Got the bitter. Where's the sweet?

September 8th, 2011
12:39 pm

Don’t own a lot of shoes or clothes, just what I need.

My husband has more shoes and clothes than I do….yes, he is str8, just like Simple Man :lol:

Maybe that should have been a clue? But, sometime I feel I had a hand at creating the Monster…..

Leggs

September 8th, 2011
12:39 pm

That would be one fierce outfit…

Fion

September 8th, 2011
12:42 pm

@ Simple Man
More than Button….. (125)

Damn dude! I don’t think I woulda told that.

SlimNu

September 8th, 2011
12:43 pm

Might see Simple on that show Hoarders…house smelling like feet and corn chips lol

Into the Light

September 8th, 2011
12:43 pm

I love hats. Makes me feel very Kim Basinger in 9 1/2 weeks. “you can leave your hat on….”

Po lil moose…. :( Speaking of For Real, I wish he would post one of his stories today. Those always have me ROFL.

Slim’s goin’ to the chapel….. :) :)

czBrat

September 8th, 2011
12:45 pm

don’t know that i can pull off a fedora, but i have the perfect crusher hat for it. it’s a very faint houndstooth. ya’ll making me all tingly inside!!

leggs, you are “acquanted” with a dude who owns almost as many as simple. :)

Into the Light

September 8th, 2011
12:46 pm

I can see SM’s response now:

“I’ve never seen anyone on Hoarders with Bruno Maglis and Armanis, but yeah, okay, whatever…..” :lol: :lol:

Fion

September 8th, 2011
12:46 pm

@Simple Man

Please take the stand. Raise your right hand and repeat after me.
You swear to tell the truth and whole truth?
Please be seated.
1. When was the last time you bought wallpaper for the kitchen?
2. When was the last time you shopped for curtains for the kitchen?

cba

September 8th, 2011
12:48 pm

Let me put it this way, if your wife have shoes in three different closets, stacked two high, what’s left for me?? That’s another battle I surrendered to looooooooooong ago.

Into the Light

September 8th, 2011
12:49 pm

don’t know that i can pull off a fedora, but i have the perfect crusher hat for it. it’s a very faint houndstooth. ya’ll making me all tingly inside!!

You know you’re going to have to post a pic of this outfit, right, cz???

Willie Dynamite

September 8th, 2011
12:52 pm

Afternoon All,

Discussing finances too early in the dating process is a definite turn-off. Like most have said it is a gradual process accomanied by paying attention. Some Men play the silly left my wallet game. Some Women play the I’ll pick the most expensive retaurant game. It can be a crapshoot at times. Just pay attention and try to get to know the other person first. The devil is literally in the details.

Side Topic(s) – Slim – I own about 15 pair. BUT most of them are throwbacks that I may only wear about 1x a year.
Brat – love those boots and Charcoal would be the perfect color. Now Ifn I see those with some pretty chocolate leggs and that walk (i’m talking bout THAT WALK). Something about boots with a little leg/knee/thigh showing before a skirt and the walk.
oh yeah pull that off by putting a fedora on and you’ll be talking about the Married that hit on you to the blog. IJS

Celisea

September 8th, 2011
1:01 pm

I LOVE shoes….and clothes, shoes ahead though. I love coats too. Not too fond of hats but I have a couple for when it gets cold.

I have cut back on shoes drastically over the years. I thought about this when Sassy mentioned she and her sister having the same pairs independant of each other knowing.

You have probably too many pairs of shoes when:

While still living at home I use to (and still do) stack my shoes against a designated wall, keeping them in the shoe boxes. Well I had so many that I would forget.

Once I bought an outfit from (formely) Rich’s and was thinking I needed to save until I had the perfect pair of shoes. Went home and was looking through all my boxes and wvalla, a pair in the stack I totally had forgotten about. It had made it’s way to the bottom row.

Once I had a pair of shoes that was odd in color and decided until I had the perfect outfit I wasn’t going to wear. Well unbeknownst to me my sister had been in my stacks (of shoes)…about 10 – 15 rows out, as many rows down. Anyway she was wearing the shoes and dumb me complimented her. Girl those are nice. After about a month, she said when you get home check the Ninewest box on the very bottom row and call me. SHE WAS WEARING THE SHOES I’D BOUGHT. That was soooo funny to her.

THAT’S when you have too many pairs of shoes. Of course I still have a lot, I kid you not I gave to my church (rummage sale) about 30 pairs at one time. Pairs I knew I’d never wear and just collecting dust. But I have enough.

SlimNu

September 8th, 2011
1:02 pm

Willie – If I were to add up the pairs of flip-flops I have, then maybe I might be up there with you lol

ISIS

September 8th, 2011
1:02 pm

Yes! The couple should be equally yoked in all areas of their life. In some cases love is blind. If the person has a plan going forward which includes success (willing to do better, etc.), I personally don’t see anything wrong with dating a S.O. with bad credit and poor management with money. Being patient and growing with that person can be a bonding experience. You can actually be an inspiration to them.