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Wanted: Housewife in Atlanta

A friend of mine just got engaged and her fiance asked her to work on ending her career. She loves him very much but said that she is having a hard time wrapping her mind around the concept of housewife.

She fears her existence will become about shopping and domestic work. Clearly her idea of housewife is a bit distorted. I wondered why being a housewife seems so unappealing to women today?

Although my mother was a career woman, she seemed to enjoy caring for the family and my Dad. The thought of being a stay at home Mom or housewife sounds pretty awesome to me, personally. I believe there can be joy found in having a career or being a housewife.

What do you think of the idea of a woman leaving her career to please her husband? Is it unfair for men to want a housewife?

Guys, would you ever ask or want your wife to leave her job or career? What if she really enjoyed working?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

243 comments Add your comment

Celisea

September 7th, 2011
10:20 am

My dad’s brother (Lord rest their souls) started his business in his forties and was a self-made millionaire by the time he was in his sixties. His wife stayed home their entire marriage. She was told she couldn’t have kids so she started taking kids into their home. She was blessed with their first child at 41 but was use to being home and in full swing of being a housewife.

He paid her a weekly salary but she NEVER spent the money. I kid you not, she had a list of names….kids left to be raised by grandparents or living with aunts and uncles, kids with only a single parent and from her list, she would use her weekly salary to buy the things the kids needed. This is all I ever knew about her. She would NEVER take the money he gave her and buy something for herself. He bought her several cars, once a benz and a rolls royce in which she rode in a few times but never drove…lol She was just like that. Even then she would ride in the back seat while my uncle drove and one of their kids rode up front. Very quiet lady very humble lady. He passed in 2008 and she’s 85. Her daughter still does the list now in her stead. For EVERY, yes every kid at church not living in a two parent home, their name is listed. For Christmas the daughter carries the tradition on. My kid is on the list.

Ya’ll can imagine from the 70s until now, the list has grown significantly. Like I said, her daughter carries on what’s now a tradition…the good will her mother started and intended. She don’t do and buy the entire year but EVERY Christmas, there’s a gift for every child on the list.

I remember once he was laughing and talking about how my aunt was such a good woman. He mentioned he didn’t have any cash on him at the breakfast table one Sunday and she said to him, will this do until you can get to the bank….handing him two grand. I think he was about 70ish at that time. He just went on and on and on about how he couln’t have done any better with any one other than her as his wife. I think they were married about 63 years before he passed. She NEVER worked…from what I hear he initially told her that’s what it was going to be. Not sure if she was opposed but she spent all her years doing service to other with the hand she was dealt (and not a bad one at that)….just thinking back over the years.

The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior

September 7th, 2011
10:23 am

@Into

Who says being married made you less than “Into”? You’re “Into”, “[not] Dan’s wife” (married, gotta throw that in), and Jimmy’s mom.

Adding a responsibility doesn’t change who you are as a person, other than adding an additional title.

I didn’t stop being me, just because I got married, but I realized that having additional responsibilities means I’d have to grow into them.

@One – see above

@Randy – 90% of this “control” issue is people absorbing jaundiced information from external sources. Chicks that ain’t never, telling someone that has how it should or shoudn’t be done.

Of course her perenially single homegirl is going to say what she would or wouldn’t take; and that “he’s trying to control [you]” – she’s single. She doesn’t know the relief of not having to worry about every minute detail of everything in life. And that, yes, sometimes that means giving someone else control over a facet of your life and trusting them to deal with it – or marriage.

Bitter chicks infect happy women with foolishness all the time. Turning mountains into molehills so their not lonely alone.

Reio

September 7th, 2011
10:25 am

Randyt – seems like whhat’s mine is her’s, & what’s her’s is her’s. But I’m still head of the family, so it doesn’t matter.

Safensound

September 7th, 2011
10:27 am

I would have to agree w/Reio about why ask that question after she accepted his proposal? Unless she of course mentioned the subject just in passing and perhaps he thought it was a good idea, idk, but since he asked, I hope your friend can live with that decision with no regrets.

abc

September 7th, 2011
10:28 am

Of course what’s mine is ours and what’s hers is hers. That’s a man’s role.

DebDoes

September 7th, 2011
10:28 am

There was a time in my life that I would have shunned such a prop. Now I enjoy my time at home and working occasionally. I do miss having lunch out and drinks with coworkers. Oh, and a paycheck is nice too.

Celisea

September 7th, 2011
10:35 am

Dan – Not every woman that passes an opinion or oppose is bitter. She can even be wrong in her opposition but it doesn’t make her bitter. Sometimes maybe and sometime…not.

Be mindful in your assumptions. Folks not agreeing ain’t all the time about them and what’s NOT going on. Sometimes it’s just their opinion…good bad or indifferent. But to not agree with a decision you made or made with a mate is automatically bitter??? Get out of here.

Celisea

September 7th, 2011
10:38 am

I go hit on a couple of times with my kid yesterday and she was like…ooooh look at mommie pulling ‘em.

I said that to say sometimes folks not “having” someone is sometimes a result of taking a pass rather than the inability to land someone. Trust me when I say opportunities happens EVERY DAY :)

Folks kill me getting mate’d up and assume every one not is because they can’t. Assumptions assumptions….

Randyt (aka Been There, Done That, Got a Closet FULL of T-Shirts)

September 7th, 2011
10:39 am

Its all good. When it comes to money, I discovered many years ago that no matter how much I make, it isn’t enough…and no matter how little I make, I find a way to get by. Frankly, with the possible exception of my convertible, few toys I ever thought would absolutely “complete” me, were even on my radar screen after a few months.

Randyt (aka Been There, Done That, Got a Closet FULL of T-Shirts)

September 7th, 2011
10:43 am

@ Celisea, seriously agree. Being alone in the ATL is a choice, not a banishment. Now what one can attract may or may not be at the standard one would like…so a little reality needs to enter the equation.

Naturallyk

September 7th, 2011
10:44 am

I enjoy security and freedom. I believe I could find that as a housewife. Most of my friends would love to quit their jobs and devote their time to their families and/or community/volunteer work. I don’t think I would ever be more bored than I get when I’m working. I wish this was an option for my family but it is not.

JT

September 7th, 2011
10:44 am

My mom was a SAHM, so I don’t think there is anything wrong with being a housewife, I just think there should be a discussion about it BEFORE marriage. The man shouldn’t just assume the woman will give up her job once the kids come along because that’s what his mom did.

Celisea

September 7th, 2011
10:45 am

Randyt – Now what one can attract may or may not be at the standard one would like…so a little reality needs to enter the equation.

LOL…..You ain’t never lied.

Celisea

September 7th, 2011
10:47 am

One of those dudes hitting on me was driving a CSX truck…I should have leaned a little towards him…lol Give me a hardworking railroad man any day. If I didn’t have the kid with me I might have talked a bit more :)

Leggs

September 7th, 2011
10:54 am

@Celisea ~ the first 3 letters in Assumptions sums up the person very well. I know that which you speak of (lol)…

Also, love what the wife stood for with her kind heart and humble soul. That was a nice read.

@Randyt ~ my ex always lamented about how once he put money into our joint account he never had any money left. Guess it didn’t matter to him he put in less than me and the bills got paid. I got tired of it and had him open his own account.

czBrat

September 7th, 2011
10:54 am

no matter how much I make, it isn’t enough…and no matter how little I make, I find a way to get by.
luv this ^

Celisea

September 7th, 2011
10:56 am

Leggs – Exactly!

I know the story was long but I just thought about that in relation to today’s topic. Yes she is still, a very kind humble soul.

The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior

September 7th, 2011
10:57 am

@Cel

Yes – bitter.

What standing, right, or place does anyone outside my relationship have to offer advice, opinion, or comment?

Men and married women know better.

It’s the forever single (and bitter about it) chick that would even offer advice beyond “talk to your man about it”.

i'm swiss™

September 7th, 2011
10:58 am

Howdy, folks. Hope everybody’s doing well.

Quick, completely off-topic announcement: Calling all PHP software developers — If you’re looking for a gig, send me your resume. Our sister company is in a hiring frenzy, particularly for developers. Symphony experience is a plus. Great benefits & hands-down the best work environment you’ll ever find.

Celisea

September 7th, 2011
11:00 am

Dan – Men and married women know better.

Please honey, it ain’t been but a minute okay. Good Lord. Right or wrong in offering advice is neither here nor there…it does not make her bitter.

Exiled!

September 7th, 2011
11:15 am

Good morning!

My wife staying at home? No, I’m not having that coz she stops being interesting,gets fat and I have to look at her with half closed eyes.

She needs to be working and keep up with me.

I can’t do a slouch.

And don’t tell me she will be busy at home..not much coking u can do 24/7, 6 days a week, all day!

These housewives got too much time to do extra curricula activities,if they want too.

No,won’t have it.

Exiled!

September 7th, 2011
11:17 am

Purple Reign

September 7th, 2011
11:17 am

I wouldn’t care if she worked or didn’t, that is her choice. My wife wanted to keep her job at first now she states that she is not working pass the New Year…..shrugs

markie mark

September 7th, 2011
11:18 am

as the product of a single household because my father died suddenly when I was 5…not only no, dont quit your job, but hell no. My mother was suddenly thrown into a workforce with no up to date skills in 1965 after having left it in 1955 to marry my father. She actually quit law school to marry my father, who was also a lawyer. She was working in my fathers law firm and going to school when she quit to be a stay at home mom. There are no guarantees in life but what skills you have and your ability to use them as needed. For this reason, especially in this day and age, I would not have a potential spouse leave her job…..

oneofeach4me

September 7th, 2011
11:22 am

@Dan ~ I think what Celisea was saying to begin with is that just because someone may have a different view than yours, that person being the woman, doesn’t automatically make her bitter about domestic life or any part of marriage. I am not bitter myself, nor a control freak, nor a gold digger. I just prefer to have a little money of my own to do little things for MYSELF. That man working and helping me with the house and the kids is enough “taking care” that I need. There are things I want to do for me. It goes back to like what Randy is saying. Me personally, as the wife, could and would never be “okay” with him making all the money, giving it all to me, and then having none for himself. In MY world that is not how relationships work for me. But to each their own, if allowances and the such work for you and your wife (or any other couple for that matter) then so be it. As long as it makes you both happy that is all that matters.

oneofeach4me

September 7th, 2011
11:24 am

*is all the “taking care” I need rather! lol

czBrat

September 7th, 2011
11:28 am

once upon a time when the munchkins were just a couple of little chunkers, i could have easily devoted every waking minute to caring for them, a spouse, a household, and myself. but our kiddies are grown now. we’re about to have four in college between us. so my ‘at home’ time will not be about constant housekeeping but about producing (financially), just as he does. and with him working from home quite often we are both truly looking forward to the arrangement.

I have to look at her with half closed eyes
i just hate you sometimes! :lol:

hola reign!

Purple Reign

September 7th, 2011
11:31 am

CanalZone how are you?!

Celisea send me your number so I can call and breathe real heavy then hang up. LOL

Allowances? What’s that? Happy I don’t deal with that kind of stuff. If I have it she has it. If she has it I have it…it’s all one pot..salary, savings, investments and all. I know that may or may not be a foreign concept for some but it works for us. We trust each other, end of story.

Celisea

September 7th, 2011
11:35 am

Purple – You’re silly…lol

kimmie

September 7th, 2011
11:45 am

Raqi – So wonderful to read you!! You are very much missed!! Hope all is well with hubby and the little ones!

Celisea

September 7th, 2011
11:58 am

PR…can you see me?

kimmie

September 7th, 2011
12:00 pm

On Topic – First, let me say I have a problem with Wise’s friends’ situation, simply because this guy’s position on a wife staying at home should not have been a shock if they are truly in sync to the point of planning a future with each other. This is the stuff you find out about when you are getting to know a person. It’s just that simple.

I watched a special on Gloria Steinham a few weeks ago and it was very eye opening. There are so many misconceptions about the womens lib movement. I wish everyone could see it. I hate when men use the movement to excuse their own issues with relationships.

I think every couple should do what works for them. I think it’s beautiful when a couple is able to afford to have a parent, not necessarily the mom, to stay at home for a few years while the kids are babies. So many women would love to stay home until the child is ready for school, or for at least a year or 2 but can’t.

Purple Reign

September 7th, 2011
12:01 pm

Hey my last comment says “awaiting moderation”

Purple Reign

September 7th, 2011
12:02 pm

Celisea, yes I can see you. Do you feel me watching you?:)

Celisea, I am just going to call you while im out trail running or working. You should be able to hear a lot of heavy breathing and some grunting. LOL

Hey Raqi!

Purple Reign

September 7th, 2011
12:03 pm

This blog is picky

Purple Reign

September 7th, 2011
12:04 pm

it did not like the word panting

Celisea

September 7th, 2011
12:05 pm

PR – I asked because a couple of mine says “awaiting moderation” as well. I requested though to have my comments removed :)

Purple Reign

September 7th, 2011
12:08 pm

Celisea, I just changed my email address and viola my posts are showing up again. I’m a renegade!

Ok next after I get through calling you and breathing heavy I am going to send you a picture of my tractor…lol

Celisea

September 7th, 2011
12:10 pm

Ummm, okay then…send to junkmail@yahoo.com :)

kimmie

September 7th, 2011
12:11 pm

My grandmother was a SAHM and my mother was one for awhile & went back to teaching when we got halfway thru elementary. Even though both were pretty traditional, they still maintained an element of independence about themselves. My grandmother never worked outside the home, but always found a way to make a little money of her own. It came in handy many times, even though my grandfather was an excellent provider.

My mom used to live by the saying “God bless the child that’s got his own.” Now the men can argue about that until they are blue in the face, but it’s something I firmly believe in. In no way is it a threat to my relationship with my husband either.

It’s not just the money factor either. If a woman has a passion about something other than home & family, she should be free to pursue it.

Anyone, husband or wife, that puts a job before their family in such a way that it jeapordizes it, has misplaced priorities.

Deeva4Life

September 7th, 2011
12:11 pm

At the end of the day, it’s really what works for the couple. The basis of the entire set-up is trust and respect. If I trust that my man will provide for me (to the best of his ability) and not make me feel like a piece of property simply because he’s the only one working, then he can know I respect him enough not to be frivilous or lazy simply because he’s the only one working. Surely during our time of dating he would already know that I am capable of taking care of myself, but I’m not so “independent” that I can’t allow him to do that for me. Having the option of being a “wife in the house” (housewife) would be an honor for me. But that’s me…not necessarily everybody.

Purple Reign

September 7th, 2011
12:12 pm

Junkmail as in “junk”? lol you have an email set up for my “junk” are you going to reply with a pic send it to junkinthetrunk@yahoo.com :)

Celisea

September 7th, 2011
12:14 pm

Noooo silly, I was going along with your tractor fun :mrgreen:

Exiled!

September 7th, 2011
12:14 pm

‘God bless the child that’s got his’

What does that mean Kimmie?

yes!,lost in translation sorry.

Purple Reign

September 7th, 2011
12:17 pm

Ohhhh okay but my tractor is big and can do a lot of plowing. LOL Yes I talking about the tractor and not a sexual innuendo.

Leggs

September 7th, 2011
12:17 pm

Exiled!

September 7th, 2011
12:19 pm

U need a fan Leggs?

kimmie

September 7th, 2011
12:24 pm

Exiled – Billie Holiday used to sing this song called God Bless the Child:

Them that’s got shall get
Them that’s not shall lose
So the Bible says and it’s still news
Mama may have, Papa may have
But God bless the child that’s got his own
That’s got his own.

Yes the strong get more
While the weak ones fade
Empty pockets don’t ever make the grade
Mama may have, Papa may have
But God bless the child that’s got his own

…..last verse

He just worry bout nothin’
Cause he’s got his own.

Celisea

September 7th, 2011
12:25 pm

My sister was a SAHM and she liked it until they had disagreements and he would throw being the sole provider up in her face. Yeah, she had a problem with that.

Purple Reign

September 7th, 2011
12:28 pm

Marriage is a risk within itse;f, either you are all in or all out there is no partial. If a man or woman of which whom is the only income provider throws that in your face. I suggest you start charging him/her for the work that you do around the house etc. Thing about living on the farm is that there is always work to be done or help needed so nobody is really a “stay at home” person. By this time next month there will be snow on the ground…so grab a shovel LOL