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Tough guys can’t show affection?

Call it one of those mars/venus conundrums: Women like strong men and they love affection. Trying to get affection from said strong man isn’t easy. Do you have to give up affection to be with the strong, alpha man type?

I received an email from a young lady who is happy with her “tough guy” but is not used to being in a relationship with no affection. I don’t believe that you can never expect anyone – especially men to change. The only thing you can do is let them know what bothers you and hope they care enough to compromise.

Guys are you a fan of affection or is it something that is difficult to give? Is it unfair to expect a guy who is tough and manly to be affectionate? In your opinion, tough guys can’t or won’t show affection?

Ladies have you ever dated someone who showed no affection until it was time to have sex? Did it bother you? How did you handle it?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

142 comments Add your comment

Justme

September 6th, 2011
7:58 am

Once again showing that women want it all. They want you to change a basic character trait (showing emotion) and yet still be strong. One of the basis of being strong is also being confident in who/what you are. Not impossible, just not likely and still have a happy man (person) when you have changed to be something you are not.

thewindwhistler

September 6th, 2011
8:17 am

that is a great question. i really like it. now there are tough guys, cruel tough. They throw the cat out the window for scratching him. they grind the dogs head into the” little mistake” made on the rug.
now there are the tough, gentle kind. a guy that can stand his ground in a dangerous situation aND YET IS kind and patient with family. Soooooooo you really have to define what kind of tough guy we are talking about. Then there is the touigh-tough guy like Jimmy Cagney, who can knock the wife all the way across the room and she will come back and give him A KISS, and say thanks, i needed that.

JASon

September 6th, 2011
8:21 am

“The only thing you can do is let them know what bothers you and hope they care enough to compromise.”

How about you find someone who you like the way they are, and stop trying to change them.

Mike P

September 6th, 2011
8:45 am

WD – “I received an email from a young lady who is happy with her “tough guy” but is not used to being in a relationship with no affection.”

Are you serious? Is this an actual email you received? How can any woman be really “happy” being in a relationship without any affection from their mate/boyfriend/husband? I thought this stuff was suppose to be really important to women :-/

Amia

September 6th, 2011
9:10 am

Good Morning. Can’t believe the weekend is over. :( Anyway. Just because you are with an alpha male doesn’t mean he can’t show affection. An alpha man will act like a puppy when he cares for that person. Sounds like the emailer needs to re-evaluate whether or not he’s really that into her. She may be happy with the “idea” of a relationship rather than her actual relationship. I am not overly affectionate, but I don’t know any woman that would be truly happy without some type of affection and attention.

SlimNu

September 6th, 2011
9:13 am

Good dreary Tuesday folks,

The beau can be really affectionate at times and he can be very standoffish and nonaffectionate at other times. I struggle with the times he is a bit to himself but I suppose it helps me appreciate when he is lovey dovey. I know I could not deal with a non-affectionate type relationship and only being touchy feely when it came time for some sexual relations.

Into the Light

September 6th, 2011
9:39 am

Good morning, all!

I agree with Amia. Even the toughest alpha male can be a big old teddy bear, if he’s with a woman he’s really into.

A relationship without affection is not a relationship I’d have any interest in.

czBrat

September 6th, 2011
9:46 am

tough guys can’t or won’t show affection?
bullpucky!

HiYas!

as i’ve said before, all too often this blog reminds me that i am truly blessed. s/o is a definite alpha among males but melts into the pda with his favorite señorita.

and a happy dreary tuesday to you too, slimchica. :)

Lady Strange

September 6th, 2011
9:49 am

I spent way too long in a relationship with someone who wasn’t as affectionate as I needed them to be. Tried to make it work for years but it was never going to change. I am so much happier now with the man I am with now. I’m still trying to come back out of the shell I had built up around myself after so many years with someone who wasn’t right for me.

I think the emailer really needs to take another look at how happy they really are. If affection is important to them for a relationship then I really don’t see this working out for them in the long run.

Mr_NYC

September 6th, 2011
9:51 am

I guess some people operate under the assumption that toughness and affection cannot co-exist in the same individual which is obviously not the case. Certainly not necessary for either quality to be on overt display to be there.
Now that the point is settled.
Where are my Breaking Bad fans? And anyone else checking out the SOA season premiere tonight?

kimmie

September 6th, 2011
10:03 am

Morning! For it to be such a dreary morning, look like every station I turned to was playing tired music! Nothing upbeat or positive!

Mr NYC – Breaking Bad fan here!!! Oh my goodness, once again I was on the edge of my seat!!! What’s SOA?

On topic – I dated a guy once who was not affectionate at all, but I would not call him a tough guy. He was just cold. I couldn’t deal with him, so instead of doing the dreaded & collassal waste of time “hoping he would change”, I got ghost.

And yeah, if a dude, tough or not, is into you, most don’t have a problem showing affection. Or, there are people that are just not affectionate. It may stem from their childhood or some other issue. I started out not very affectionate. My mom pointed it out to me when she noticed it when I got older. I’m a lot better. My husband and the kids are very affectionate, and it is wonderful and sweet, and it brings it out of me.

Friend or Foe

September 6th, 2011
10:04 am

Morning,

Ladies have you ever dated someone who showed no affection until it was time to have sex?

Can’t say that I have. Other problems maybe but definitely never been with a man that could not be affectionate or possess passion or lacked the ability in showing desire. Nu uh…that’s been the least of my worries :)

SlimNu

September 6th, 2011
10:04 am

Let’s not forget the 5 love languages and maybe consider taking the test to see which is more important to you. If your beau, partner, spouse is not in line with you then you may want to reconsider…lol

Words of Affirmation
Actions don’t always speak louder than words. If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. Hearing the words, “I love you,” are important—hearing the reasons behind that love sends your spirits skyward. Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten

Quality Time
In the vernacular of Quality Time, nothing says, “I love you,” like full, undivided attention. Being there for this type of person is critical, but really being there—with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby—makes your significant other feel truly special and loved. Distractions, postponed dates, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful

Receiving Gifts
Don’t mistake this love language for materialism; the receiver of gifts thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift. If you speak this language, the perfect gift or gesture shows that you are known, you are cared for, and you are prized above whatever was sacrificed to bring the gift to you. A missed birthday, anniversary, or a hasty, thoughtless gift would be disastrous—so would the absence of everyday gestures

SlimNu

September 6th, 2011
10:06 am

Acts of Service
Can vacuuming the floors really be an expression of love? Absolutely! Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on an “Acts of Service” person will speak volumes. The words he or she most want to hear: “Let me do that for you.” Laziness, broken commitments, and making more work for them tell speakers of this language their feelings don’t matter

Physical Touch
This language isn’t all about the bedroom. A person whose primary language is Physical Touch is, not surprisingly, very touchy. Hugs, pats on the back, holding hands, and thoughtful touches on the arm, shoulder, or face—they can all be ways to show excitement, concern, care, and love. Physical presence and accessibility are crucial, while neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and destructive

Test: http://www.5lovelanguages.com/assessments/love/

enjoy ;-)

Into the Light

September 6th, 2011
10:10 am

Slim:

Thanks for sharing. I like this, although I see a bit of myself in all five. Maybe we could add a 6th: all of the above. :) :)

Purple Reign

September 6th, 2011
10:10 am

Tough Guy here. On behalf of myself and other tough guys, we show affection when we are really into and comfortable with or woman. Being a tough guy has nothing to do with showing affection or emotions it’s all about a comfort level with the person we are with.

czBrat

September 6th, 2011
10:16 am

so basically the blog gents are affirming that, tough guy or not, if he’s not affectionate he’s just not that into you. :lol:

Celisea

September 6th, 2011
10:20 am

Rainy Monday morning…

Even so, long weekends always does a world of good for me.

IMO, a man that cannot show affection lacks maturity. It’s apart of being with a woman and “relating.” I definitely could not be with a man that was not affectionate. Nothing but a man of steel for me :mrgreen:

SlimNu

September 6th, 2011
10:21 am

ITL – I recall taking this test a few months ago and I can’t really remember what order of importance they were but I do know ‘receiving gifts’ was last. I’m probably more of a physical touch, verbal affirmations, acts of service, quality time, then gifts person…

Leggs

September 6th, 2011
10:21 am

Good morning.

czBrat

September 6th, 2011
10:25 am

slim, that site was one of the first things s/o guided me toward when we were getting to know each other. it has served us well to understand each other’s love language(s). probably not the most romantic way to approach building a relationship, but definitely useful.

hiya leggs!

Mo (aka Moeisha)

September 6th, 2011
10:28 am

SlimNu – I took that test prior to my divorce (part of the counseling). My #1 was Words of Affirmation followed by Quality Time. I actually thought it was a pretty good assessment. I think Acts of Kindness was last preceeded by Physical Touch/ Receiving Gifts .

Leggs

September 6th, 2011
10:28 am

Hey there, czB!!

I cannot imagine myself with someone who didn’t show me affection. It would make me very uncomfortable in that I’m the type that need affection and need to give affection.

SlimNu

September 6th, 2011
10:36 am

I’m the type that need affection and need to give affection.—> ME TOO ;-) I’m very affectionate once i have become comfortable with a person i’m dating. I like those playful love taps when you walk by, or those looks of dayum, when you walk around in a t-shirt and panties lol or random kisses on the back of the neck while you’re washing dishes…the little things

abc

September 6th, 2011
10:40 am

Everyone thinks I’m a tough guy except my wife. I think it’s an example of what others are saying about the toughest guy being the most gentle with a woman that he’s truly into.

Leggs

September 6th, 2011
10:43 am

@SlimNU ~ that’s exactly what I like. Love the kisses on the neck while doing dishes…I was with a couple this past Saturday that warmed my heart. They weren’t overly touchy feely, just right. It was good seeing them with their love pats, little smooches and hand holding.

Purple Reign

September 6th, 2011
10:46 am

I agree with abc fully.

Everyone remember it’s Tuesday not Monday. LOL you are almost halfway through the week.

SexyCool

September 6th, 2011
10:56 am

If you’re not getting the affection from a person that you need, require, desire, seek, whatever, you are settling and shouldn’t. Everything else about the relationship can be just fine, but if that piece is missing, it will become an issue. Don’t rationalize yourself into accepting less than what you know that you truly need to be fulfilled in a relationship.

Now, that I have the relationship with TheDude that I do, I realize that what I was missing was the patience to wait for the right person and that I spent a lot of time and effort trying to force things that were never going to fit for me.

SlimNu

September 6th, 2011
11:04 am

We humans desire and seek affection…

SlimNu

September 6th, 2011
11:13 am

Leggs – I love to see older couples still affectionate towards each other. I recall an older couple in Cracker Barrel holding hands out to the car. Even though the woman drove, he still opened up the drivers side of the car and helped her get in before he went over to his side.

Celisea

September 6th, 2011
11:13 am

Dern it…it is Tuesday. And to think I mentioned looooong weekends…lol

My bad. Thanks PR :)

Leggs

September 6th, 2011
11:14 am

:lol: :lol: This was a younger couple, SlimNU. Well, younger than myself.

czBrat

September 6th, 2011
11:17 am

slim, s/o always comments on how cute it is to see older couples still courting. but because i have a tendency to buck the mushy stuff, i usually tap into my dark side and come back with something like “they’re probably having an affair”. *i know. i know. i need help.*

SlimNu

September 6th, 2011
11:26 am

cz – bad, bad bad lol…we must try not to be so cynical even though it’s hard to do in this day and age. I have my moments too when i’m like whatever, I should move to an island and live off the land alone…but then i think just how crazy that sounds.

SlimNu

September 6th, 2011
11:31 am

Leggs – oops, my bad…well love whether it be young or old is a lovely sight to see. But like czbrat said with regards to the cynicism is with young folks, it’s easy to say..Oh they just haven’t gone through anything yet…young, dumb and full of…well you know how it goes :lol:

SlimNu

September 6th, 2011
11:32 am

Speaking of which, I wonder if age, experiences and several relationships make us (older folk) more skeptical about love…Mmmm?

Leggs

September 6th, 2011
11:37 am

@SlimNU ~ that’s what you get for thinking my friends are old. :lol: :lol: :lol:

SlimNu

September 6th, 2011
11:42 am

Leggs – I will admit myself to timeout for exactly 2.75 minutes unsupervised ;-)

czBrat

September 6th, 2011
11:44 am

LOL @ leggs. your friends are anything but.

speaking for myself (of course), age and specific experiences have made me a bit guarded. i may have butterflies dancing a dosey doe in my tummy at the mere thought of him, but i’m gonna carefully ration just how soon and how deeply i let that show.

Purple Reign

September 6th, 2011
11:47 am

Leggs

September 6th, 2011
11:53 am

Right now at this moment, I want an ice cream cone!

abc

September 6th, 2011
11:53 am

Slim, I think a lot of more mature people can easily become cynical about relationships. It just makes it more important to be discerning about who you deal with. Personally, if not for my excellent wife, I wouldn’t even consider dating. It just ain’t worth dealing with the crazies… I did not have a good time dating for a couple years before reuniting with sweetie. 10 or 12 straight up crazy beeyotches, tellin ya.

The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior

September 6th, 2011
11:54 am

Afternoon (darn 3 hour interview – I hate -wanna be – lawyers)

On topic:

It is interesting learning how people give and receive affection; what’s better is learning how to give affection to each other.

I’m definitely a Service kinda guy, I don’t do “kissy, kissy, smooch, smooch” often, but my wife does (compromise). Other than that, the main differences I’ve seen over the course of relationships is the failure to communicate these ideas to one’s partner.

If you like to be held, tell him/her. If affection makes you uncomfortable, same thing.

However, (IMO) if you care for someone taking the time and making the effort to effectively communicate love/affection in a way that comfortable for you both is a beautifully maddening process.

Exiled!

September 6th, 2011
11:58 am

’several relationships’ @Slim?

do u have tattoos(momentos) for every single one of those sweet ones that didn’t pan out?

On topic: tough guys let her grab his hand(not the other way round) and nibble on his ear lob, if she so desires!
Tough guys recognize what has happened the moment they can’t keep their lil hands to themselves.

Leggs

September 6th, 2011
11:58 am

“…is a beautifully maddening process.” Well said, Dan!

czBrat

September 6th, 2011
12:09 pm

dan, i like that post. early on s/o asked me what is the singular most important thing a man can do to show his love for me. i told him, other than being good to my kids, just take care of my vehicle without being asked or told. just make sure it’s always well maintained and tank full. having to deal with cars (and traffic) is the absolute bane of my existence.

he continues to express his love for me in his own love language, but he understands that when he expresses himself according to MY love language, that really, REALLY resonates with me to my very core.

and, yes. although i am a brat, i do my share of learning and attentive giving according to his love language. it’s definitely a growth opportunity, and i am sooooo enjoying the process.

SlimNu

September 6th, 2011
12:30 pm

abc – Yeah, this dating thing doesn’t seem to be as fun as it used to be but it is what it is. Glad you got out of the meat pool before it was too late lol

SlimNu

September 6th, 2011
12:32 pm

do u have tattoos(momentos) for every single one of those sweet ones that didn’t pan out?

Exiled – where do you get this stuff? I was speaking generally and I don’t have any tattoos that have something to do with a dude. I see you don’t have enough to do at work today again.

Leggs

September 6th, 2011
12:32 pm

Yep, dating isn’t much fun…too much weeding out going on, too much rotation interviews going on, too many want FWBs, too much BS.

Yep, SlimNU, it is what it is. Stay true to yourself and the right one will be met.

SlimNu

September 6th, 2011
12:36 pm

Leggs – How do those famous words go?…”Keep hope alive!” lol

Leggs

September 6th, 2011
12:40 pm

:lol: :lol: Yes ma’am!!!

cba

September 6th, 2011
12:54 pm

If she gets on the sofa and put her feet on my lap and twinkle hers toes, ALL WHILE I’M WATCHING FOOTBALL, if I don’t massage the feet, am I not showing affection ??? :lol:

SlimNu

September 6th, 2011
12:54 pm

So Leggs, since it seems a bit stagnant in here, did you watch the bball wives of LA?

Confirmed Bachelor

September 6th, 2011
12:56 pm

“Tough guys can’t show affection?”

For me it’s a matter of choice. I dated a woman who said I was not showing enough affection and very mean and cold because of it. Of course if she listen to me and established a friendship first, it would have not been an issue. She was a very self centered and could not pass step one, but you know when someone is mean to you why the heck are you gonna be affectionate. Thats why when I hear woes of wanting a nice guy I chuckle to myself. “Once again showing that women want it all” That is true in most cases. It’s a process for a woman to be with me.

Leggs

September 6th, 2011
12:56 pm

Funny, cba. Ummmm, might just be easier to just go ahead and rub dem toes so you then won’t have to hear her mouth. Because, if she leaves that couch in a huff, you will be hearing noise throughout the house interferring with the peacefulnss of the game itself (lololol).

SlimNu

September 6th, 2011
1:04 pm

Speaking of conceited, yall may recall me saying i went out once or twice with this guy that was SOoooooooo into himself and I couldn’t stand it. That was well close to 2 years ago and why did I get a text from him inviting me to his Engagement/New housewarming party? Either he sent out a mass text to every number in his phone or he felt some need to let me know he was soon to be married. Frankly, I could give a flying hoot about what he’s doing and who he’s doing it with because it was nothing more than 2 or 3 dates. Maybe he’s still holding onto the rejection or something…I didn’t respond, I just deleted it

cba

September 6th, 2011
1:06 pm

Leggs in the earlier years I stood my ground but as I got older and wiser, I’ve learned how to accomodate. Isn’t that what life is suppose to be about…..modify, adjust and move on.
But in the present, I might get, ” you seem like you don’t want to do this” :-)

Leggs

September 6th, 2011
1:18 pm

@SlimNU ~ yes, I did. Those are some beatdown looking chicks. Tanya, the positive orator is a bit much. She means well, but she talks too much. I like the woman with the glasses. Straight from NY (I think). She not bougie (sp?). Now, the young girl, she’s clueless and she needs to do some crunches, planks or invest in some Spanex. But must admit she was wearing that hat. I don’t know about getting married every year, but since it seems to work for them, who am I.

Leggs

September 6th, 2011
1:20 pm

@SlimNU ~ doubt he’s holding on to the rejection. I sense he simply wants to show off his new place and “attempt” to rub in your face what you let slip by you. Men like him are so transparent. 2 or 3 dates and he’s texting you an invite. Whatever….NEXT!

SexyCool

September 6th, 2011
1:22 pm

Shaunie is a pimp.

Leggs

September 6th, 2011
1:23 pm

@cba ~ good you learned to accommodate. While rubbing her toes, she can sense through the firmness in your fingers that you’re placating her (lol). Next time, suck one of the toes and send her on her merry way (LOLOLOLOL).

Leggs

September 6th, 2011
1:24 pm

Shaunie is a pimp. This is hysterical.

I was surprised to see her name on the credits for LA Wives!

cba

September 6th, 2011
1:26 pm

SlimNu

September 6th, 2011
1:26 pm

Leggs – I was joking saying this was the AARP version of bball wives (no offense to older bloggers) but they seem more petty and drama-filled than the Miami season. They came out the gate with chips on their shoulders and how in the hellz do you straight say to someone you’re supposed to be getting to know, “Tell me who the eff you are!” Then why are they giving the young former stripper chick so much grief?

And I thought I heard the chick that gets married every year are actually splitting. Maybe i’m getting my news mixed up.

SlimNu

September 6th, 2011
1:35 pm

Leggs – I thought it was funny of him to send me that text. I’m happy that he found someone that is able to deal with his conceit because I just couldn’t do it. I’ll never forget, I did a little test one day during a telephone conversation with him once. It went on a whole 40 minutes talking about himself and he never once asked me anything about me, my day, my life etc.

BBWLA – I think that chick with the dreads tries too hard to be similar to Iyanla Vanzant lol. Sometimes it’s good to listen and not always be so quick to offer advice or an opinion…yoda wannabe lol

Leggs

September 6th, 2011
1:36 pm

Yeah, there was no reason for her to break it down saying “who the eff are you?” She’s hard looking. I don’t see any softness to many of them. Presently, I only know Tanya’s name.

Leggs

September 6th, 2011
1:37 pm

I’m cracking up at “yoda wannabe”

SlimNu

September 6th, 2011
1:42 pm

And i know i’m not the spiffiest dresser or anywhere near it but she overdoes it on the makeup and jewelry. If you have on a HUGE sparkly necklace, do you also need earrings just as big, then super duper silver eye shadow to pull it all together?? I’m somewhat of a minimalist so this concept I’m having a hard time dealing with.

SexyCool

September 6th, 2011
1:44 pm

Of the one episode of BBWLA that I have watched, Tonya was the only one that I found any redeeming qualities in. The rest of them are way too messy.

SlimNu

September 6th, 2011
1:49 pm

Oh, what do yall think about the Passion party they went to and had to anonymously put a word in the other persons box to describe them…someone put the word WORTHLESS in that young skrippers box. I was like, dayum gina! :shock:

Leggs

September 6th, 2011
1:49 pm

@SlimNu ~ my child said “she thinks she’s blinging, but she’s really blinding me!” I fell out laughing.

Leggs

September 6th, 2011
1:50 pm

Dang, I thought there was only one episode.

Leggs

September 6th, 2011
1:54 pm

My neighbor asked me yesterday if I watched “Breaking Bad.” Everyone, especially you guys, says this is an excellent show. So with that being said, can anyone care to give me a synopsis of the premise of the show and who has what role???

SlimNu

September 6th, 2011
1:58 pm

Your daughter apparently felt the same way I did :lol:
The second show came on last night. They were getting on the young stripper chick saying that no matter what situation they were in, they would not stoop to taking their clothes off for money.

Leggs

September 6th, 2011
1:59 pm

“NBA star Ron Artest will be dancing with newcomer Peta Murgatroyd.” OMG, I didn’t think someone really had this last name. Who used to say
“Heaven to Murgatroyd?” Was it Superman’s boss. Was it someone on the Little Rascals, Popeye, the Flinstones??? Anybody recall????

Exiled!

September 6th, 2011
1:59 pm

Maybe this Wise Diva adventures needs an oxygen tank

SlimNu

September 6th, 2011
2:00 pm

I haven’t seen that show…

Leggs

September 6th, 2011
2:00 pm

I guess I’ll catch the second episode on Saturday morning.

SlimNu

September 6th, 2011
2:04 pm

Snagglepuss from Yogi Bear or The Quick draw Macgraw cartoon….he also used to say, “Exit stage left Evvven” lol

Leggs

September 6th, 2011
2:10 pm

I think it was Snagglepuss. I’m picturing the Pink Phanter, but I never liked that show.

Leggs

September 6th, 2011
2:15 pm

Ok ok, enough with cartoons. Anyone has any dating tips, techniques, how to notes??? Anything?

SlimNu

September 6th, 2011
2:21 pm

Got these tips online

1. Get prepared for dating. If you really want to succeed in the dating game, be ready to commit to dating. Half-heartedness won’t work.

2. Get your act together. Begin a regime of looking your best. Join a gym, read health magazines, get fit and start a diet. Get your hair cut or styled and begin a new regime of good grooming or beauty treatment. Though it will not find you a date in itself, you will feel a million times more confident about yourself, and others can sense that

3. Go shopping and treat yourself to new clothes and even a whole new look. Get your image right, one that you can manage and live with, but one that flatters you. Don’t try to be someone you’re not, but amplify and accentuate your positives.

4. Think about what you want to gain from dating and what timeframes you expect. Do you see yourself married within 2 years? If you do, then approach dating accordingly. If you are more laid back and don’t take dating too seriously then ask yourself some honest questions about why you are dating and what you hope to achieve. If it is purely sex then ask yourself if you are about to be honest with those you hope to date.

5. Surround yourself with people who will support your dating aims. By following the first four tips you will feel better and be more focused. Don’t sabotage this by sitting around with friends who are negative about love and relationships (often the married ones).

SlimNu

September 6th, 2011
2:26 pm

6. Choose those you have a good chance of dating. Be realistic. In other words, your dating is based on the whole package you present as well as just your personality. If you are looking for a glamour girl or boy and want to date someone trendy and gorgeous, great! Just know that others will expect you to be the same

7. Join clubs, societies, sports events, drama groups — anything that might help you meet like-minded potential partners. You will not meet people by staying indoors and playing video games – many have tried and failed at this approach

8. Take time off from dating occasionally if it’s not going well or causing dating fatigue. Recharging your batteries and keeping confidence and optimism levels high is an absolute must. We all hit rough patches, but don’t let your search for love become a death march. Date in phases if necessary

9. Enjoy dating for what it is, dating. It is meeting people and socializing and spending time in the company of stimulating individuals who may or may not play a bigger part in your life down the road. The fact is, most people have something interesting to offer

10. Never make yourself too available. People like mystery and enigma and the thrill of the chase when dating. As part of keeping up the mystery, do not sleep with your dates early on. The longer a person is made to chase and fall for you within reason, the more likely that love may blossom. (And yes, this goes for both men AND women!) If the chemistry peaks too early, your emotions may never have time to catch up and the relationship will eventually wither away.

Friend or Foe

September 6th, 2011
2:30 pm

@Confirmed Bachelor:

A woman wanting a man to be affectionate does not equate to a woman wanting it all. There should be some measure of give and take. How much harm can be done to tell your woman how much you love her and mean it, knowing the benefits you will reap as a result? Sounds like a win win. A man being cold and coldhearted and assumes she knows how you feel is plainly presumptuous.

kimmie

September 6th, 2011
2:33 pm

Leggs – The lead character is a former high school chemistry teacher that came down with cancer and could not afford his treatments. To make extra money he makes a superior, pure form of meth. It’s probably better you start at the beginning and go back & watch the 1st 3 seasons.

SlimNu

September 6th, 2011
2:38 pm

Yeah, showing a little affection seems like such a smalllllll thing to have as a deal breaker as far as not wanting to be a little touchy feely with your partner. Guess some folks just weren’t brought up in affectionate households or were either raised by wolves lol

Leggs

September 6th, 2011
2:39 pm

Watch the first 3 SEASONS! :lol: :lol: That’s a lot to watch.

Excellent tips, SlimNu.

Leggs

September 6th, 2011
2:41 pm

@SlimNu ~ I think I’m affectionate because I wasn’t raised in a very affectionate home. I kiss and hug my child all the time. I knew my mother loved us, she simply wasn’t demonstrative.

kimmie

September 6th, 2011
2:44 pm

Leggs – I think the 1st season is only like 6 episodes. I’m telling you, it will blow your mind!

kimmie

September 6th, 2011
2:47 pm

Leggs – Walter, the lead character, no longer teaches chemistry and now makes 400 thousand a week! His wife is trying to help him launder the money so they won’t create suspicion, especially since his brother-in-law is a DEA agent! Poor dude, he’s not your typical drug dealer at all, the last person you would suspect!

Leggs

September 6th, 2011
2:52 pm

Ok, got it. I was watching an episode Saturday night, but for the life of men didn’t know what was going on. I saw the wife put all this money in the vaccum suction bags and hang in her closet only to break the rod. The brother-in-law had him put a tracking device on some man’s car. He went back in time and sitting at the table with a bunch of thugs, watched them as they killed his friend. He’s been in their grip ever since (I’m imagining). Ok, the husband is the drug dealer (I think I got most it now). Why the title “Breaking Bad?”

kimmie

September 6th, 2011
2:55 pm

Leggs – Have no idea why they call it that. Maybe 4 Real can give us some insight on that, since he’s a fan too.

kimmie

September 6th, 2011
3:01 pm

Slim – I like those tips. I wish certain folks I knew would read them & take heart, but they would probably be mad if I sent them to them. Oh well.

SexyCool

September 6th, 2011
3:03 pm

From the Wikipedia site…

“The term ‘breaking bad’ is a southern colloquialism and it means when someone who has taken a turn off the path of the straight and narrow, when they’ve gone wrong. And that could be for that day or for a lifetime.”[9]

Randyt (aka Been There, Done That, Got a Closet FULL of T-Shirts)

September 6th, 2011
3:08 pm

Coming in late to the conversation, but there are several areas of contention here.

1) a guy can be “tough” without acting tough (because acting tough is usually that). The truly “strong” men I know are the ones who you quiietly know will have your back when the “$hyte hits the fan”. They can be tender yet you know they have a quiet strength in them. They don’t have be mean or blustery…you just KNOW.

2) Women who try to reform the “thuga” types or hope they will become kind and gentle but still be strong are delusional 99% of the time. The bluster is just demontrating a sense of command that is just surface deep usually.

3) I worked with a guy once who was the safety director for the company I was working for. He was a quiet “farmer” type. I worked with him for several months before I was told that I didn’t know him at all. Turned out he was the SEAL Team commander in the invasion of Grenada. He knew more ways to kill some one, and probably had, than anyone I knew…yet he seemed totally tranquil and quiet.

Make a note of this old adage because it is so true in “strength” and sex…it is the quiet ones you need to watch out for.

For Real

September 6th, 2011
3:09 pm

What up Blog Fam!!!

On topic: I think we forget everyone does not feel or express emotion the same way. 4 people die in a car accident on 285 is sad or hart wrenching for some, for others it’s a fugg up traffic day which leads to road rage. Don’t project the way you express yourself on me.

Breaking Bad: Leggs Kimmie is right you need to go back to the first episode (see below). Breaking Bad is a slang term for a “good” person turn “bad”. In Walt’s case it was not gradual he snapped.

http://www.amctv.com/breaking-bad/videos/ep-1-pilot-highlight-minisode
And you can watch it at your desk.

Kimmie: When is Archer coming back on?

Slim: Did someone just drop off their old Jet magazines to you?

Leggs

September 6th, 2011
3:09 pm

Interesting, SexyC. Never heard that term, but a teacher turn drug kingpin…alrighty then.

SexyCool

September 6th, 2011
3:10 pm

When I was growing up, I can remember the phrase to describe someone that all of a sudden had enough courage to fight or get smart with *they* momma.

Leggs

September 6th, 2011
3:12 pm

“…it is the quiet ones you need to watch out for.” Bet pretty much everyone has been saying this forever. Not only the quiet ones, watch out for the smiley, smiley ones!

Thanks, ForReal. Going to watch it now. I have nothing else to do.

kimmie

September 6th, 2011
3:13 pm

4 Real – I don’t know, I was going to ask you about Archer. I’m ready for it.

kimmie

September 6th, 2011
3:16 pm

Randyt – That quiet strength, oh yeah! And that’s something I find very attractive in a man.

Leggs

September 6th, 2011
3:18 pm

Ok, the guy who he initially teams up with used the term “break bad” when referring to him.

kimmie

September 6th, 2011
3:21 pm

Leggs – That must have slipped by me. I figured it had something to do with him turning to a life of crime though.

Randyt (aka Been There, Done That, Got a Closet FULL of T-Shirts)

September 6th, 2011
3:21 pm

Thanks Kimmie but I’m already attached ;-) JK.

I heard in a church service about “true heroes” that a hero is one who, in a crucial situation, is struck with total clarity about what needs to be done, and has to act just because of the person he is…whether charging a fortified enemy position, or running into a burning building to save a kid. Nothing there about “acting tough”.

kimmie

September 6th, 2011
3:23 pm

Randy – Yeah they say an empty wagon makes the most noise!

Randyt (aka Been There, Done That, Got a Closet FULL of T-Shirts)

September 6th, 2011
3:24 pm

@ Kimmie, I like that. Will have to remember it.

For Real

September 6th, 2011
3:26 pm

Leggs: Yeah Jessie did use it once when he asked Walt why he was doing this. What did you think about the first episode?

Kimmie: here you go for Archer: http://staytoonedin.com/2011/04/02/fx-archer-season-3/

Leggs

September 6th, 2011
3:32 pm

Interesting off beat comedy/drama I see he enjoyes being in his underwear. Is he doing all this because he only has a short period of time to live and he wants to provide for his family?

Jesse said “why would a straight up fellow like you all of a sudden break bad?” Something like that.

So, do the children know? The guy in the fast food restaurant, or whatever it is, is one of the henchmen???

Leggs

September 6th, 2011
3:33 pm

Hell, I thought Archer was the dude’s name, the one who broke bad.

kimmie

September 6th, 2011
3:33 pm

4 Real – Okay, so they are going to air 3 episodes this month & the next 13 episodes in 2012. Cool. That’s give me time to watch my other shows that are about to come back, like Boardwalk Empire and The Borgias.

LANA is my hero!!!

kimmie

September 6th, 2011
3:35 pm

Leggs – See you getting a little twisted. Go back & watch the other seasons!! Walter is the dude that broke bad!LOL!!

For Real

September 6th, 2011
3:35 pm

Leggs: Yes he is doing this for his family. No Walt’s son doesn’t know. That sound like what Jessie said. The black guy owns the Chicken restaurant and he also owns the meth cartel that Walt’s works for. You should watch season 1.

For Real

September 6th, 2011
3:38 pm

Kimmie: I spend a lot and I mean a lot of time with Lana, vanila scented lotion and a dark color towel which is currently standing up on its own in my closet. – Don’t judge me!!!

SlimNu

September 6th, 2011
3:40 pm

For Real – I was standing in line at walmart and saw a JET. I was like woooow they still make these. The funny part about it was it was so thin, like at best, 10 pages. They might as well just be an online mag and stop wasting ink & paper lol

For Real

September 6th, 2011
3:41 pm

Damn Leggs is blending Archer and Breaking Bad. Wait a minute that wouldn’t be such a bad idea after all. I can see Archer’s mom trying to have sex with the Chicken. Archer having sex with Hank’s wife and Lana punching Skyler in the face with her man hands.

For Real

September 6th, 2011
3:46 pm

Slim: Eventually all mags, newspapers and books with be online.

For Real now wishing he kept his old Ebony magazine with Diana Ross on the cover in the Wiz

Celisea

September 6th, 2011
3:46 pm

I refuse to watch another leg of BBWs….Miami is enough!!

Then why are they giving the young former stripper chick so much grief?

I dunno, I think I’d much rather be the stripper than the alleybats. Classless, no shame having, clowing allebats. On national television at that. They are either clueless as to what possessing class means or don’t care and have no shame. I take Stripper (over Alleybat) for $300 Alec…lol

Celisea

September 6th, 2011
3:47 pm

clowning alleybats

Confirmed Bachelor

September 6th, 2011
3:47 pm

@Friend or Foe

Well in any case it is also a man’s choice as well, just because she says it’s time for affection or sex doesn’t mean it has to go down, may seem strange but you should respect his wishes as he would respect yours. I think you read waaaaaaaay into my post, even some men like to feel comfortable with the person first. If a woman doesn’t like my slow pace, it’s not any skin off my teeth. I’m not like some of you who would fret not having sex for month or longer, honestly it’s not that big of a deal for me.

Celisea

September 6th, 2011
3:50 pm

CB – I might be with you on your 3:47. Of course when I’m active I ain’t going weeks and months at a time though…lol I’m of the mindset too that I want to be comfortable with a person. A level of comfort being a good fit for the both of us and placing both on the same page only naturally takes us (at least me) there…intimacy, affection, all of it.

Leggs

September 6th, 2011
3:52 pm

@kimmie ~ Ok, Walter is his name. I dated someone named Walter that looked like him, but he was a black man in a white man’s body!

Leggs

September 6th, 2011
3:56 pm

@ForReal/kimmie ~ I apologize. I never heard his name mentioned and when you started talking about Archer I said to myself “ok, Archer is his name.” I will go watch the previous season. I watched it Sunday eve, but didn’t know what the heck I was watching. There was no rhyme or reason to it for me. But now, I have a little history…thank you

Leggs

September 6th, 2011
4:15 pm

“Then why are they giving the young former stripper chick so much grief?”

Could be because her skin is youthful, she’s cute and not broke down looking.

SlimNu

September 6th, 2011
4:29 pm

I think to them, she represents all the riff raff, groupies, etc that they have to deal with being that their husbands, boyfriends, fiances are athletes. It’s the same thing with Royce of the Miami BBW’s since she was a cheerleader/dancer. They just have bad rep i suppose for throwing themselves at the players. Seems like they always give that side-eye like, did You sleep with my hubby? lol

Randyt (aka Been There, Done That, Got a Closet FULL of T-Shirts)

September 6th, 2011
4:29 pm

Off topic…is it just me, but how the hellz can Hollywood police suggest that a naked woman with her hands and feet tied up behind her committed suicide? Someone needs to follow the money trail here. Did Aruba set free that murderer yet or are they still holding him? I’ve been out of touch for a few days (except football).

Celisea

September 6th, 2011
4:32 pm

They just have bad rep i suppose for throwing themselves at the players. Seems like they always give that side-eye like, did You sleep with my hubby? lol

Chicks with no concious and the “don’t care” attitude like the Evelyns out there are who they better be worried about. That chick will drop her drawers on a turn for any dude with the biggest price tag. She’s an unofficial groupie. LOL

Celisea

September 6th, 2011
4:34 pm

And along with her gutter rat attitude she’s got a gutter mouth.

Sassy Me...In it to Win it ;-)

September 6th, 2011
4:40 pm

but how the hellz can Hollywood police suggest that a naked woman with her hands and feet tied up behind her committed suicide?

It’s not just you cause I was wondering the same thing…and the fact that no one at the police precinct where these officers work disagrees or has said anything to the contrary is astounding.

That chick will drop her drawers on a turn for any dude with the biggest price tag.

Okay?! Cause if you’re broke then you’se a non muthaf!@#&ng factor and you know how she feels about that isht.

Leggs

September 6th, 2011
4:41 pm

He’s still jailed in Aruba.

SlimNu

September 6th, 2011
4:46 pm

Into the Light

September 6th, 2011
4:47 pm

Afternoon, all. It’s been a Tuesday in a Monday suit around here. ugh!

Wait, who committed “suicide” while tied up???

Celisea

September 6th, 2011
4:53 pm

Okay?! Cause if you’re broke then you’se a non muthaf!@#&ng factor and you know how she feels about that isht.

Exactly….Getting her comeuppance by any chance and means necessary.

SlimNu

September 6th, 2011
4:55 pm

I thought her and Chad were supposed to have their own show?

Randyt (aka Been There, Done That, Got a Closet FULL of T-Shirts)

September 6th, 2011
5:01 pm

ITL …

How do you see the season shaping up for UGA. I was rooting for UGA (it hurts too) because I didn’t want to listen to Boise crying and biotching all season long about they should be in the NC playoff. Saturday showed some problem areas for UGA frankly.

Leggs

September 6th, 2011
5:02 pm

Her and Chad aren’t going anywhere TOGETHER! Only a matter of time before she’s sniffing for a different ducket bracket.

Randyt (aka Been There, Done That, Got a Closet FULL of T-Shirts)

September 6th, 2011
5:03 pm

Re the suicide, some rich Hollywood (I think) dude’s girlfriend supposedly tied her own hands behind her back, tied her feet, and then hanged herself while naked by throwing herself off the balcony…only a few days after her boyfriend’s son died from a fall down stairs while in her care in the same house.

Randyt (aka Been There, Done That, Got a Closet FULL of T-Shirts)

September 6th, 2011
5:05 pm

Cops ruled it suicide. Chics just don’t off themselves that way, even if she could tie her own hands.

Randyt (aka Been There, Done That, Got a Closet FULL of T-Shirts)

September 6th, 2011
5:07 pm

Into the Light

September 6th, 2011
5:10 pm

Randy:

0-2 after Saturday, to be honest. I’m not saying that I’m counting us out for the entire season, but the O-line has got to find their rhythm AND do a much better job of protecting Murray if we’re going to have a prayer. I thought D looked okay in the first half, tired and reminiscent of last year in the second.
I hear you on the pony whiners. If you want to contend for an NC, then play in a real conference. Period.
So grateful they serve alchohol in the Dome, bc it helped dull the pain….. :)

Leggs

September 6th, 2011
5:15 pm

Guess not good to use ducket and bracket together since the word is duckets by itself (lol).

Into the Light

September 6th, 2011
5:19 pm

Yeah….something’s rotten in Denmark on the suicide story. I’m glad her family is going to continue the investigation. I can’t imagine any woman committing suicide that way. Even if she were going to hang herself, I don’t see the elaborate tying and binding…. and a note painted on the door? Paint? Really???

Purple Reign

September 6th, 2011
5:33 pm

She killed herself.