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Tough guys can’t show affection?

Call it one of those mars/venus conundrums: Women like strong men and they love affection. Trying to get affection from said strong man isn’t easy. Do you have to give up affection to be with the strong, alpha man type?

I received an email from a young lady who is happy with her “tough guy” but is not used to being in a relationship with no affection. I don’t believe that you can never expect anyone – especially men to change. The only thing you can do is let them know what bothers you and hope they care enough to compromise.

Guys are you a fan of affection or is it something that is difficult to give? Is it unfair to expect a guy who is tough and manly to be affectionate? In your opinion, tough guys can’t or won’t show affection?

Ladies have you ever dated someone who showed no affection until it was time to have sex? Did it bother you? How did you handle it?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

142 comments Add your comment

Leggs

September 6th, 2011
12:40 pm

:lol: :lol: Yes ma’am!!!

cba

September 6th, 2011
12:54 pm

If she gets on the sofa and put her feet on my lap and twinkle hers toes, ALL WHILE I’M WATCHING FOOTBALL, if I don’t massage the feet, am I not showing affection ??? :lol:

SlimNu

September 6th, 2011
12:54 pm

So Leggs, since it seems a bit stagnant in here, did you watch the bball wives of LA?

Confirmed Bachelor

September 6th, 2011
12:56 pm

“Tough guys can’t show affection?”

For me it’s a matter of choice. I dated a woman who said I was not showing enough affection and very mean and cold because of it. Of course if she listen to me and established a friendship first, it would have not been an issue. She was a very self centered and could not pass step one, but you know when someone is mean to you why the heck are you gonna be affectionate. Thats why when I hear woes of wanting a nice guy I chuckle to myself. “Once again showing that women want it all” That is true in most cases. It’s a process for a woman to be with me.

Leggs

September 6th, 2011
12:56 pm

Funny, cba. Ummmm, might just be easier to just go ahead and rub dem toes so you then won’t have to hear her mouth. Because, if she leaves that couch in a huff, you will be hearing noise throughout the house interferring with the peacefulnss of the game itself (lololol).

SlimNu

September 6th, 2011
1:04 pm

Speaking of conceited, yall may recall me saying i went out once or twice with this guy that was SOoooooooo into himself and I couldn’t stand it. That was well close to 2 years ago and why did I get a text from him inviting me to his Engagement/New housewarming party? Either he sent out a mass text to every number in his phone or he felt some need to let me know he was soon to be married. Frankly, I could give a flying hoot about what he’s doing and who he’s doing it with because it was nothing more than 2 or 3 dates. Maybe he’s still holding onto the rejection or something…I didn’t respond, I just deleted it

cba

September 6th, 2011
1:06 pm

Leggs in the earlier years I stood my ground but as I got older and wiser, I’ve learned how to accomodate. Isn’t that what life is suppose to be about…..modify, adjust and move on.
But in the present, I might get, ” you seem like you don’t want to do this” :-)

Leggs

September 6th, 2011
1:18 pm

@SlimNU ~ yes, I did. Those are some beatdown looking chicks. Tanya, the positive orator is a bit much. She means well, but she talks too much. I like the woman with the glasses. Straight from NY (I think). She not bougie (sp?). Now, the young girl, she’s clueless and she needs to do some crunches, planks or invest in some Spanex. But must admit she was wearing that hat. I don’t know about getting married every year, but since it seems to work for them, who am I.

Leggs

September 6th, 2011
1:20 pm

@SlimNU ~ doubt he’s holding on to the rejection. I sense he simply wants to show off his new place and “attempt” to rub in your face what you let slip by you. Men like him are so transparent. 2 or 3 dates and he’s texting you an invite. Whatever….NEXT!

SexyCool

September 6th, 2011
1:22 pm

Shaunie is a pimp.

Leggs

September 6th, 2011
1:23 pm

@cba ~ good you learned to accommodate. While rubbing her toes, she can sense through the firmness in your fingers that you’re placating her (lol). Next time, suck one of the toes and send her on her merry way (LOLOLOLOL).

Leggs

September 6th, 2011
1:24 pm

Shaunie is a pimp. This is hysterical.

I was surprised to see her name on the credits for LA Wives!

cba

September 6th, 2011
1:26 pm

SlimNu

September 6th, 2011
1:26 pm

Leggs – I was joking saying this was the AARP version of bball wives (no offense to older bloggers) but they seem more petty and drama-filled than the Miami season. They came out the gate with chips on their shoulders and how in the hellz do you straight say to someone you’re supposed to be getting to know, “Tell me who the eff you are!” Then why are they giving the young former stripper chick so much grief?

And I thought I heard the chick that gets married every year are actually splitting. Maybe i’m getting my news mixed up.

SlimNu

September 6th, 2011
1:35 pm

Leggs – I thought it was funny of him to send me that text. I’m happy that he found someone that is able to deal with his conceit because I just couldn’t do it. I’ll never forget, I did a little test one day during a telephone conversation with him once. It went on a whole 40 minutes talking about himself and he never once asked me anything about me, my day, my life etc.

BBWLA – I think that chick with the dreads tries too hard to be similar to Iyanla Vanzant lol. Sometimes it’s good to listen and not always be so quick to offer advice or an opinion…yoda wannabe lol

Leggs

September 6th, 2011
1:36 pm

Yeah, there was no reason for her to break it down saying “who the eff are you?” She’s hard looking. I don’t see any softness to many of them. Presently, I only know Tanya’s name.

Leggs

September 6th, 2011
1:37 pm

I’m cracking up at “yoda wannabe”

SlimNu

September 6th, 2011
1:42 pm

And i know i’m not the spiffiest dresser or anywhere near it but she overdoes it on the makeup and jewelry. If you have on a HUGE sparkly necklace, do you also need earrings just as big, then super duper silver eye shadow to pull it all together?? I’m somewhat of a minimalist so this concept I’m having a hard time dealing with.

SexyCool

September 6th, 2011
1:44 pm

Of the one episode of BBWLA that I have watched, Tonya was the only one that I found any redeeming qualities in. The rest of them are way too messy.

SlimNu

September 6th, 2011
1:49 pm

Oh, what do yall think about the Passion party they went to and had to anonymously put a word in the other persons box to describe them…someone put the word WORTHLESS in that young skrippers box. I was like, dayum gina! :shock:

Leggs

September 6th, 2011
1:49 pm

@SlimNu ~ my child said “she thinks she’s blinging, but she’s really blinding me!” I fell out laughing.

Leggs

September 6th, 2011
1:50 pm

Dang, I thought there was only one episode.

Leggs

September 6th, 2011
1:54 pm

My neighbor asked me yesterday if I watched “Breaking Bad.” Everyone, especially you guys, says this is an excellent show. So with that being said, can anyone care to give me a synopsis of the premise of the show and who has what role???

SlimNu

September 6th, 2011
1:58 pm

Your daughter apparently felt the same way I did :lol:
The second show came on last night. They were getting on the young stripper chick saying that no matter what situation they were in, they would not stoop to taking their clothes off for money.

Leggs

September 6th, 2011
1:59 pm

“NBA star Ron Artest will be dancing with newcomer Peta Murgatroyd.” OMG, I didn’t think someone really had this last name. Who used to say
“Heaven to Murgatroyd?” Was it Superman’s boss. Was it someone on the Little Rascals, Popeye, the Flinstones??? Anybody recall????

Exiled!

September 6th, 2011
1:59 pm

Maybe this Wise Diva adventures needs an oxygen tank

SlimNu

September 6th, 2011
2:00 pm

I haven’t seen that show…

Leggs

September 6th, 2011
2:00 pm

I guess I’ll catch the second episode on Saturday morning.

SlimNu

September 6th, 2011
2:04 pm

Snagglepuss from Yogi Bear or The Quick draw Macgraw cartoon….he also used to say, “Exit stage left Evvven” lol

Leggs

September 6th, 2011
2:10 pm

I think it was Snagglepuss. I’m picturing the Pink Phanter, but I never liked that show.

Leggs

September 6th, 2011
2:15 pm

Ok ok, enough with cartoons. Anyone has any dating tips, techniques, how to notes??? Anything?

SlimNu

September 6th, 2011
2:21 pm

Got these tips online

1. Get prepared for dating. If you really want to succeed in the dating game, be ready to commit to dating. Half-heartedness won’t work.

2. Get your act together. Begin a regime of looking your best. Join a gym, read health magazines, get fit and start a diet. Get your hair cut or styled and begin a new regime of good grooming or beauty treatment. Though it will not find you a date in itself, you will feel a million times more confident about yourself, and others can sense that

3. Go shopping and treat yourself to new clothes and even a whole new look. Get your image right, one that you can manage and live with, but one that flatters you. Don’t try to be someone you’re not, but amplify and accentuate your positives.

4. Think about what you want to gain from dating and what timeframes you expect. Do you see yourself married within 2 years? If you do, then approach dating accordingly. If you are more laid back and don’t take dating too seriously then ask yourself some honest questions about why you are dating and what you hope to achieve. If it is purely sex then ask yourself if you are about to be honest with those you hope to date.

5. Surround yourself with people who will support your dating aims. By following the first four tips you will feel better and be more focused. Don’t sabotage this by sitting around with friends who are negative about love and relationships (often the married ones).

SlimNu

September 6th, 2011
2:26 pm

6. Choose those you have a good chance of dating. Be realistic. In other words, your dating is based on the whole package you present as well as just your personality. If you are looking for a glamour girl or boy and want to date someone trendy and gorgeous, great! Just know that others will expect you to be the same

7. Join clubs, societies, sports events, drama groups — anything that might help you meet like-minded potential partners. You will not meet people by staying indoors and playing video games – many have tried and failed at this approach

8. Take time off from dating occasionally if it’s not going well or causing dating fatigue. Recharging your batteries and keeping confidence and optimism levels high is an absolute must. We all hit rough patches, but don’t let your search for love become a death march. Date in phases if necessary

9. Enjoy dating for what it is, dating. It is meeting people and socializing and spending time in the company of stimulating individuals who may or may not play a bigger part in your life down the road. The fact is, most people have something interesting to offer

10. Never make yourself too available. People like mystery and enigma and the thrill of the chase when dating. As part of keeping up the mystery, do not sleep with your dates early on. The longer a person is made to chase and fall for you within reason, the more likely that love may blossom. (And yes, this goes for both men AND women!) If the chemistry peaks too early, your emotions may never have time to catch up and the relationship will eventually wither away.

Friend or Foe

September 6th, 2011
2:30 pm

@Confirmed Bachelor:

A woman wanting a man to be affectionate does not equate to a woman wanting it all. There should be some measure of give and take. How much harm can be done to tell your woman how much you love her and mean it, knowing the benefits you will reap as a result? Sounds like a win win. A man being cold and coldhearted and assumes she knows how you feel is plainly presumptuous.

kimmie

September 6th, 2011
2:33 pm

Leggs – The lead character is a former high school chemistry teacher that came down with cancer and could not afford his treatments. To make extra money he makes a superior, pure form of meth. It’s probably better you start at the beginning and go back & watch the 1st 3 seasons.

SlimNu

September 6th, 2011
2:38 pm

Yeah, showing a little affection seems like such a smalllllll thing to have as a deal breaker as far as not wanting to be a little touchy feely with your partner. Guess some folks just weren’t brought up in affectionate households or were either raised by wolves lol

Leggs

September 6th, 2011
2:39 pm

Watch the first 3 SEASONS! :lol: :lol: That’s a lot to watch.

Excellent tips, SlimNu.

Leggs

September 6th, 2011
2:41 pm

@SlimNu ~ I think I’m affectionate because I wasn’t raised in a very affectionate home. I kiss and hug my child all the time. I knew my mother loved us, she simply wasn’t demonstrative.

kimmie

September 6th, 2011
2:44 pm

Leggs – I think the 1st season is only like 6 episodes. I’m telling you, it will blow your mind!

kimmie

September 6th, 2011
2:47 pm

Leggs – Walter, the lead character, no longer teaches chemistry and now makes 400 thousand a week! His wife is trying to help him launder the money so they won’t create suspicion, especially since his brother-in-law is a DEA agent! Poor dude, he’s not your typical drug dealer at all, the last person you would suspect!

Leggs

September 6th, 2011
2:52 pm

Ok, got it. I was watching an episode Saturday night, but for the life of men didn’t know what was going on. I saw the wife put all this money in the vaccum suction bags and hang in her closet only to break the rod. The brother-in-law had him put a tracking device on some man’s car. He went back in time and sitting at the table with a bunch of thugs, watched them as they killed his friend. He’s been in their grip ever since (I’m imagining). Ok, the husband is the drug dealer (I think I got most it now). Why the title “Breaking Bad?”

kimmie

September 6th, 2011
2:55 pm

Leggs – Have no idea why they call it that. Maybe 4 Real can give us some insight on that, since he’s a fan too.

kimmie

September 6th, 2011
3:01 pm

Slim – I like those tips. I wish certain folks I knew would read them & take heart, but they would probably be mad if I sent them to them. Oh well.

SexyCool

September 6th, 2011
3:03 pm

From the Wikipedia site…

“The term ‘breaking bad’ is a southern colloquialism and it means when someone who has taken a turn off the path of the straight and narrow, when they’ve gone wrong. And that could be for that day or for a lifetime.”[9]

Randyt (aka Been There, Done That, Got a Closet FULL of T-Shirts)

September 6th, 2011
3:08 pm

Coming in late to the conversation, but there are several areas of contention here.

1) a guy can be “tough” without acting tough (because acting tough is usually that). The truly “strong” men I know are the ones who you quiietly know will have your back when the “$hyte hits the fan”. They can be tender yet you know they have a quiet strength in them. They don’t have be mean or blustery…you just KNOW.

2) Women who try to reform the “thuga” types or hope they will become kind and gentle but still be strong are delusional 99% of the time. The bluster is just demontrating a sense of command that is just surface deep usually.

3) I worked with a guy once who was the safety director for the company I was working for. He was a quiet “farmer” type. I worked with him for several months before I was told that I didn’t know him at all. Turned out he was the SEAL Team commander in the invasion of Grenada. He knew more ways to kill some one, and probably had, than anyone I knew…yet he seemed totally tranquil and quiet.

Make a note of this old adage because it is so true in “strength” and sex…it is the quiet ones you need to watch out for.

For Real

September 6th, 2011
3:09 pm

What up Blog Fam!!!

On topic: I think we forget everyone does not feel or express emotion the same way. 4 people die in a car accident on 285 is sad or hart wrenching for some, for others it’s a fugg up traffic day which leads to road rage. Don’t project the way you express yourself on me.

Breaking Bad: Leggs Kimmie is right you need to go back to the first episode (see below). Breaking Bad is a slang term for a “good” person turn “bad”. In Walt’s case it was not gradual he snapped.

http://www.amctv.com/breaking-bad/videos/ep-1-pilot-highlight-minisode
And you can watch it at your desk.

Kimmie: When is Archer coming back on?

Slim: Did someone just drop off their old Jet magazines to you?

Leggs

September 6th, 2011
3:09 pm

Interesting, SexyC. Never heard that term, but a teacher turn drug kingpin…alrighty then.

SexyCool

September 6th, 2011
3:10 pm

When I was growing up, I can remember the phrase to describe someone that all of a sudden had enough courage to fight or get smart with *they* momma.

Leggs

September 6th, 2011
3:12 pm

“…it is the quiet ones you need to watch out for.” Bet pretty much everyone has been saying this forever. Not only the quiet ones, watch out for the smiley, smiley ones!

Thanks, ForReal. Going to watch it now. I have nothing else to do.

kimmie

September 6th, 2011
3:13 pm

4 Real – I don’t know, I was going to ask you about Archer. I’m ready for it.