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Dating Intentions: Good will hunting

If we could buy a crystal ball that could predict if the person we are dating is a colossal waste of time, I think many of us would invest. The money would be well spent because we would know whose intentions were honorable.

Sometimes we use our own logic, deductive reasoning, or intuition to determine intent. There are times, though, when it is simply impossible to know of someone’s intentions when you first meet them.

So for all of the dating veterans out there, how do you know when a person is truly interested in getting to know you?

What do you listen or pay attention to when it comes to figuring out if they just want sex, money, or ego boost?

Happy Friday, everyone!

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

135 comments Add your comment

The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior

September 2nd, 2011
8:00 am

I don’t believe meeting anyone is a waste of time ultimately.

Because if nothing else, you recognize the kind of people that you don’t want to be around.

As for discerning one’s intent; this board is riddled with stories (known and unknown) about people that were misled either by psychopaths or their belief in their own prowess.

But even the bad times show you something about yourself.

To quote Sunny “it cost you $20 to get rid of him”, while for some the cost is much higher; you’ve still learned a lesson.

Sweet Pea~TGIF

September 2nd, 2011
8:28 am

How do you know when a person is truly interested in getting to know you?
Spending quality time with someone, listening to what they share and don’t divulge, and watching their actions will help you discern whether a person is interested or if there is a hidden agenda…IMO

Sweet Pea~TGIF

September 2nd, 2011
8:32 am

Oh! Good Morning Dave and others to follow :) Congrats to you..Peace and Blessings!!!

Sweet Pea~TGIF

September 2nd, 2011
8:34 am

oops forgive the typo…meant to say Dan

it’s still early..”shrugs”

The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior

September 2nd, 2011
8:49 am

Thank you Ms. Pea

thewindwhistler

September 2nd, 2011
8:51 am

That is a great question. I really like it. The answer to your question starts with where you go to meet someone who would be serious about having A relationship for reasons other than money, sex or ego boost. Look for a relationship in a church social get together. Women use men for sex, once they get what they want they discard the guy like dispoable diapers, just throw him in a bag and out the window. If for some reason the right one does not come along, quit looking and by an ereader.

CoolShadow

September 2nd, 2011
9:01 am

So for all of the dating veterans out there, how do you know when a person is truly interested in getting to know you?

Sweet Pea’s 8:28 sums it up pretty nicely.

What do you listen or pay attention to when it comes to figuring out if they just want sex, money, or ego boost?

Just listen to them self-express; initially, I try to steer them more towards talking about themselves and while they might be trying impress me with their accomplishments and disposition, I also listen for flaws and inconsistencies in their stories. Red flags go up if they’re perfect by their description with no mistakes or regrets (based on their story) or if they’re slamming others to put luster on their shine.

Lovely Brown a.k.a. Diva on the mend...

September 2nd, 2011
9:33 am

Good Morning All and Happy Friday! :-)

Look for a relationship in a church social get together.

The biggest pimps and pimpettes go to church…..ask me how I know :lol:

Haven’t been around these parts in a lil while….I sprang my knee. I wish I would have been doing something XXX- rated when it happened, but I wasn’t :lol: I will say crutches and sex are a adventure! :lol:

SlimNu

September 2nd, 2011
9:42 am

Good morning, and in case you didn’t know, it’s Friday! 3-day weekend wooo hooo hoooo!

Sweet Pea~TGIF

September 2nd, 2011
9:43 am

Windwasher~Men use women for the same thing…it work both ways. Metting someone at a church function doesn’t guarantee a great relationship. Although, there may be some success in finding your soulmate there; some sheep in wolves clothing are in the flock too!…IJS

Cool Shadow~Listening is fundamental just like reading…you can ascertain whether you are getting to know the representative or the true person especially when their stories are inconsistent, and they are overly critical of others(past relationships).

Sweet Pea~TGIF

September 2nd, 2011
9:44 am

oops…meeting not metting! Still got one eye closed ;)

Mr_NYC

September 2nd, 2011
9:49 am

Listen listen listen and listen more
Not sure if I would want to be able to know things up front. I used to joke about having bar codes that could be scanned informing each other of our true intentions. Truth be told we learn about ourselves and others by going through the process and that lesson is valuable.
We also get good feeback rrom others on how we are peceived adn what signals we may be sending out.

Sweet Pea~TGIF

September 2nd, 2011
10:07 am

Truth be told we learn about ourselves and others by going through the process and that lesson is valuable.

So true, and knowing things up front wouldn’t really make it interesting as it would take the curiosity out of the quest!

Exiled!

September 2nd, 2011
10:14 am

What do u listen to or pay attn to when it comes to figuring out if they just want sex,money or ego boost..?!

There is no one thing u can zone on to give u the answer…

U stil gotta fuc them,kiss them,listen to them and stay with them to ve able to figure them out.

Coz men and women come and daze and dazzle u in different ways and methods and MOs!

You gotta fuc and kiss a lottta of toads before u meet ur prince or princess!

Yea!,freaky long weekend!

I plan on dranking some liqor today and tomorrow!

Jake: Sweet Peeda Jeeda, TWB

September 2nd, 2011
10:16 am

If everyone would quit foolin themselves this would be much easier…its not that person’s hidden agenda thats the issue, its your agenda that prevents yopu from enjoying the experience…The truth is, most people want a good time, that good time can be defined as sex or companionship, ultimately its has be fun for both and turn into a relationship…no relationship begins as a relationship, you gotta build your own!!

feeinNC

September 2nd, 2011
10:26 am

I’m gonna be very brief…. women…a man will show you his intentions through in actions or lakc thereof and his mouth will speak his desires..out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks…now, rather u choose to see and listen without the rose colored glasses is up to you….

CoolShadow

September 2nd, 2011
10:28 am

Sweet Pea- sometimes it can be difficult to hone in on clues because your 1st impression of them is intriguing so you might overlook some clues. And if you’re not one to run cynicism full blast 24/7, you might miss clues that way also but to constantly be that way seems mentally exhausting and if the date picks up on that as well, they’ll likely get turned off by it.

Celisea

September 2nd, 2011
10:34 am

Morning,

Off topic: Evening workout report (yesterday) – Treadmill: 2.75 miles, 51.33 minutes 310 calories burned. I was sweating like a mug, only because it’s my weekend at the hair salon. I’ll get one more robust workout today and then it’s easy breezy next week. Gotta keep the hair in check :)

On topic: Umm, it’s been said before watch and listen. Words and actions will eventually align or not. As talented as folks can be sometimes, everybody will reveal their true self….whether that’s good or bad.

SexyCool

September 2nd, 2011
10:37 am

For some reason, the phrase “Watch as well as pray” keeps popping up for me as an answer to the question posed.

SlimNu

September 2nd, 2011
10:54 am

What do you all think speaks louder, actions or words?

For Real

September 2nd, 2011
10:55 am

What up Blog Fam…

Look it’s not hard to figure out what a person’s intention are towards you IF you ask the right questions and state what you are looking for from that person. The problem comes when you don’t listen to what the person said.

For Real: I don’t want to be married, nor have kids and I really don’t have much time for a girlfriend.

Chick: Awwwwww… You been hurt huh?

For Real: Nope.

Chick: Welll… I think you have been hurt and now you are just trying to protect your heart. Give me a hug.

For Real: Okay.

Fion

September 2nd, 2011
10:57 am

@ Slim

Actions are the true expressions of ourselves.

SexyCool

September 2nd, 2011
10:57 am

I normally take the Friday before Labor Day as a Pamper Me Day, with a hair and nail salon visit, a massage, a great meal with my fave adult beverage. Today, I am at work. Oh well to that.

On Pamper Me Day 2009, I met TheDude. And on the Friday before Labor Day next year, we will have a wedding. (I like how all of this is coming together.) :)

Sweet Pea~TGIF

September 2nd, 2011
10:59 am

CoolShadow~I agree!

Celisea~You’re gettin it in for sho :) I am on my way to week no. 4 without any workout…not proud of that at all :( However, I must regroup and get to movin! I could feel the difference when I was working out.

For Real

September 2nd, 2011
11:00 am

action can’t talk so Imma go with words.

Leggs

September 2nd, 2011
11:01 am

Good morning. I need a drink…this freaking document is kicking my ever living behind.

@SlimNU ~ I feel actions speak louder than words.

@feeinNC ~ your 10:26 has closed the church doors. Amen!!!

Sweet Pea~TGIF

September 2nd, 2011
11:01 am

Slim~I believe actions speak volume moreso than words…anyone can utter something out with no meaning..IMO

kimmie

September 2nd, 2011
11:02 am

Morning All!

Slim – Both. Most think actions do, but if you never hear it, you may start questioning the actions, or at least the motives behind the actions. I may think “hey, he must love me because he did XYZ for me, but in reality, he just did it because he’s being nice & does that for everyone. That’s an oversimplified example, but I just don’t like to assume. But talk is cheap, so I do give an edge to actions.

Topic – Time, talking, observing, use of common sense and instincts. All of these things should get you the info you want. If it doesn’t work out, chalk it up to the game.

kimmie

September 2nd, 2011
11:05 am

4 Real – Right, having info doesn’t mean much if you don’t use it once you get it. Take the time to listen – you will more than likely get most of the information you need.

Exiled!

September 2nd, 2011
11:08 am

Enter your comments here

The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior

September 2nd, 2011
11:11 am

Good on you SC

@Slim

It depends on the person. For me, actions speak louder than words, becuase that’s how I express love. For my wife, the opposite is true in both cases.

People receive love in the way they give it – until they’re asked by someone they to express it otherwise.

SlimNu

September 2nd, 2011
11:13 am

Well my basket acheived its intended purpose. My friend just turned 30 today so I made a basket with a whole bunch of old folks items. Bladder control pads, epsom salt, knee brace, pill reminder, reading glasses and I even put a little tombstone and wrote RIP 20’s on it. hehehehehe

Now i’m is hongry!

UKnowMe

September 2nd, 2011
11:13 am

One of my friends recently bought a house with her boyfriend. They went wedding ring shopping this past weekend. Yesterday, she found out that, since December last year, he has had spyware installed on her home computer and has had access to all of her email and FB activity.

For Real

September 2nd, 2011
11:14 am

To expound upon Slim’s question. What actions?

Kimmie: Did you see Breaking Bad Sunday. I swear this is the best writing I have ever seen. Walt done got Ironside aka Hank on the Chicken Man’s ass now. Oh and I still want somebody to knock Skylar’s face off with that rock hammer used in Shawshank Redemption.

Celisea

September 2nd, 2011
11:14 am

Hang in there Sweet Pea. Truthfully, I can’t give a rigourous workout after my hair has been done. Sorry I know it’s vain but, nope..no can do. I can do a light walk :)

The old saying goes “actions speak louder than words.” Words can be truth or lies…actions are true to who you are…even if you fake for a while, you can’t help but be who you are. Words? You can lie all day long.

Celisea

September 2nd, 2011
11:16 am

UKnowMe – OMGosh, that’s awful.

For Real

September 2nd, 2011
11:16 am

“he has had spyware installed on her home computer and has had access to all of her email and FB activity” – Sounds like someone that’s trying to make a sound decision. Information is CRITICAL!!!

kimmie

September 2nd, 2011
11:18 am

4 Real – I was on the edge of my seat, especially when they went to that meeting. I thought he was going to poison the coffee then. Man, I find myself just holding my breath because I never know when something is going to pop off!!!

kimmie

September 2nd, 2011
11:22 am

UKnow – I had an ex do something similiar to me. Though he didn’t get much info because I rarely used my home computer around that time. A friend whose boyfriend was in IT discovered it and some other things he did to my computer.

It was cool, I was about to kick him to the curb anyway. Hadn’t talked or communicated in any way with him since(was back in 2006). Erased him from my life.

For Real

September 2nd, 2011
11:26 am

Kimmie: I don’t how they are able to keep some many stories going at one time. Walt’s loosing his mind. Skylar is a bitch. Walt’s son agrees that Skylar is a bitch. Jessie not caring about life until Chicken gives him new reason and now Walt wants him to kill Chicken Man. Chickman wants to kill Walt but he can’t find anyone else that can make such premo meth and he is about to have a drug war. Mike doesn’t understand why he has to drive around with Jesse and he has to watch the Chicken Man’s back. Saul is trying to figure out he can get more money without getting killed.

Mr_NYC

September 2nd, 2011
11:29 am

Breaking Bad is some kind of show for real.

@Kimmie – agree on your 11:02 – makes it hard to be nice sometimes even when you say “hey I’m just being nice and want to have a good time”
Turns into I told all my girlfriends about you

D Dub of the MSP (formerly D Dub of the ATL)

September 2nd, 2011
11:31 am

I don’t really think there is a perfect formula for figuring out if someone is worthy of your time or not – each person I come across in life I have to make the assumption that they have been brought to me for a purpose… either to help me or for me to help them. Whether it’s for a reason, a season, or a lifetime, you should embrace the opportunity and be ready to roll with the punches.

We all put on a mask while we are getting to know other people whether we admit it or not, and truthfully only time can tell you whether or not they are worthy of more of your time. To paraphrase Katt Williams, “You need to figure out what is it about you that keeps attracting ain’t-ish ninjas.”

@For Real – that was hilarious, and speaks to a lot of people’s problem of creating their own little fantasy world and adding other people to the story without their permission.

“The biggest pimps and pimpettes go to church…” – truth. I need to also remind you that the church is a hospital for sick people too, so be careful who you pick up there. Two of my biggest wastes of time relationship-wise were women that were the biggest bible-thumpers I’ve ever met – one being my ex-wife.

UKnowMe

September 2nd, 2011
11:34 am

“the church is a hospital for sick people too, so be careful who you pick up there.”

Worth reposting…

Lovely Brown a.k.a. Diva on the mend...

September 2nd, 2011
11:40 am

UKnowMe

September 2nd, 2011
11:13 am
One of my friends recently bought a house with her boyfriend. They went wedding ring shopping this past weekend. Yesterday, she found out that, since December last year, he has had spyware installed on her home computer and has had access to all of her email and FB activity

:shock: That is some Lifetime Movie mess right there.

Fion

September 2nd, 2011
11:51 am

Fion scratching he’s head!!!!!

“he has had spyware installed on her home computer and
has had access to all of her email and FB activity
bought a house with her boyfriend. They went wedding ring shopping t
his past weekend.”

If i have to dio all of that, wouldn’t that mean you really aren’t for me.

Leggs

September 2nd, 2011
11:53 am

“Both. Most think actions do, but if you never hear it, you may start questioning the actions….”

Actually, this is a much better answer.

@UnkownMe ~ all I can say is DAMN, DAMN, DAMN. Lucy, we gots a problem…..

Leggs

September 2nd, 2011
11:54 am

Everybody is talking about this Breaking Bad. I need to see what the fuss is all about.

@Unknown ~ when did she find out about all this????

UKnowMe

September 2nd, 2011
11:55 am

There have been signs of his distrust prior to now – obviously made up stories about randomly vague people who supposedly came to him with rumors of her cheating, him being jealous of a friendship with a guy that she has known since she was 12 and who is like a brother.

She keeps ignoring the signs. I’ve stopped pointing them out. I can see this not ending positively.

Leggs

September 2nd, 2011
12:00 pm

Ummmm, perhaps she shouldn’t marry him. Insecure, jealous people like that will ALWAYS make up stuff and will always point his ugly nibble finger at her. That’s not her husband-to-be, that’s her Warden!

UKnowMe

September 2nd, 2011
12:02 pm

One of her statements this morning, “Ain’t it supposed to be good that somebody is that much in love with you?”

My response, “Child, please. He is in something, but it ain’t love. He is insecure and insane.”