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Archive for August, 2011

Caught in a love triangle?

Have you ever found yourself stuck in a love triangle? No, not the sexy one..the annoying kind. I’m talking about a love triangle that is completely unplanned, unwelcome, and unbearably annoying.

You meet someone great and things seem to be going really well. One day, they happen to mention an ex that is still in the picture. Oh, they aren’t “involved” anymore, they just decided to stay in each others’ lives. Then they tell you the person is married and was also married when they were involved.

What would you do in this situation? If you get the sense that the person you are dating still has feelings – and possibly sexual intimacy with someone else, shouldn’t you run for the hills? Would you try to talk it out and give it more time?

How do people manage to get themselves caught in a love triangle, anyway? If you are hung up on somebody else, shouldn’t you take a break from dating? This is worse than being the rebound girl/guy!

If you feel a strong connection with …

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Chivalry is MIA

One of my friends is dating a guy who – according to her – is a little lacking in the chivalry department. We have even jokingly referred to him as “C.L”. aka chivalry-lite. Although we make light of it, I suppose it could actually be a real red flag.

She believes that his lack of chivalry is because of his upbringing: Not raised in the south, not raised with a father in the home. She says she noticed that it started out small like not opening doors, not bothering to see if she got home safely, and now he shows no signs of true gentleman behavior – at all.

I am surprised she has been so patient with him because she is a stickler for this kind of thing. It just makes me wonder how women like to say we want and desire certain traits in a man, but how often do we drop the guys that don’t have them?

I don’t know how attracted I could be to someone with zero, zilch, nada to offer in the chivalry category. I mean, it’s one of those things that can make a woman feel special, so …

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Do you return gifts to the ex?

I have never been comfortable accepting extravagant gifts from men I am not in a relationship with or seriously dating. It just makes me uneasy to the point that I could not enjoy the gesture because I am too busy worrying about the motive behind it.

I just think that if things are going so great, we will have plenty of time to spoil one another. Why change the dynamics of the relationship by bringing in big ticket gifts? What happens if things go horribly wrong and you spent a lot of money on someone and start to regret all those gifts?

A friend of mine recently broke up with her man and they had only been dating less then a year. She wants to give back the car that he bought her. Yes, that’s right a car. To be fair, he owns a dealership and probably could afford to let her keep it. I just don’t think she should have accepted it in the first place.

The car actually became an issue for her when deciding if she would break up with him or not. See? This is why things …

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Lose weight to keep your mate?

When you are part of a new couple, it’s common to pack on a few pounds. You’re eating out, cutting back gym time, and before you know it, your clothes aren’t fitting right anymore.

What happens after that can make a break a relationship. The way you handle addressing the extra weight and/or your reaction to said discussion can pretty much become one of those relationship defining moments.

Do you think that once a person starts to let themselves go a little, their significant other has a right to say something to them about it?

Would you be willing to lose weight to keep your mate happy?

Put yourself in either side of the scenario: Would you want to be told that your change in appearance is a problem? Would you want to broach the subject if your honey got a little too fluffy for your personal tastes?

How much say should we have about the image of the people we are dating?

Do you think that who you are dating is a reflection on you and your character?

Sincerest apologies for …

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Dating under the influence

Call it one of life’s lessons: outside influences should not impact your relationship. Some of us had to learn the hard way. Like the time you over shared something about what was happening and it backfired on you.

We all have well meaning friends and relatives who want what is best for us. Sometimes they may get a little carried away and interfere, which actually could make things a lot worse. You could end up getting bad advice from someone who really should not have been able to influence your decisions or behavior at all.

Have you ever been influenced by people to make certain dating or relationship decisions?

How much do you share and how much do you keep close to the vest?

Would you ever dump someone because they were not liked by people in your circle?

One of my friends is seeing a woman that does not get along with his best friend. It is starting to become a problem because the best friend and girlfriend clash a lot. This leaves him sort of stuck in the middle. …

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Should women offer to pay?

I received an email from a guy who is dating someone older than he is. He pursued her in the beginning and didn’t take issue with paying. Now that they are in an exclusive relationship, he expected her to offer to reciprocate more.

Since she supposedly makes more money then he does (he doesn’t know for sure), he wonders if not offering to pay is a sign of selfishness. He is apprehensive about bringing the topic up because he doesn’t want to come across as cheap. How should he handle it?

Do you think that women should offer to pay more often? Is it something men are expecting us to do in the early stages of dating?

When there is a difference in income, how do you navigate dating so that it is balanced and fair?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

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Dating is not project management

I happened to catch a snippet of the Frank and Wanda radio show on TV the other night. I paused when I heard them describe men in Atlanta as Ikea Men, i.e. men you have to “put together” or assemble.

Apparently one of the callers had used this term and it caused a couple of laughs, but it kind of saddened me. I have a sense of humor, of course, but I was most bothered by the idea that some women in Atlanta consider dating to be some kind of project management.

Do you think that calling men projects or Ikea men is the way to a man’s heart?! I don’t get it. Whatever happened to, you know,
simply accepting a person for who they are – not who you want them to be?

What’s really sad is that women who don’t feel this way have to contend with this later. They have already met the women in Atlanta that goes around calling them Ikea Men. The type that made them feel less than just makes them bitter for the next woman. Am I the only one that sees this annoying trend?

It …

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Are you dating a wild card?

There is something hot about meeting a person that intrigues you. Whether they are into the same things you are – or they are opening you up to a whole new world that is new to you. Spending time with them becomes a ride that feels risky, wild, and perhaps slightly insane.

Dating those wild card types can also be scary, especially when you don’t know what to expect! Have you ever dated the spontaneous type with a wild side?

Oh it’s all fun and games until your date blindfolds you and you end up on a skydiving adventure!

As I get older *cough*, I tend to become more and more cautious. I may take calculated risks but blindly trusting a new person is a challenge for me! Am I the only killjoy?

What would you do if someone you were dating blindfolded you (not the kinky blindfold) and wanted to take you somewhere? Would you be able to relax and enjoy the ride?

Do you think you could balance out things if you dated a wild card?

Are you the wild card type that people you date have …

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Closed to open marriages?

One of my favorite recording artists, Jill Scott, caused a little buzz on Twitter yesterday. She happened to ask the question, “What do you think about open relationships?”, which garnered loads of responses.

She went on to pose this scenario “The love of your life cheats and is honest about it. Your life with him/her is everything but monogamous. Do you stay?”

I actually had to think about it for a long time! Do I walk away or do I find a way to handle it? The older I get, the more I realize what is most important.

If I had to make a choice, I would want/prefer my man to tell me before he explores his attraction to other women. Now does this mean I would jump for joy if my husband/partner sought out other people while we are supposed to be exclusive? Absolutely not! I can barely share a remote control!

I just think when two people commit to a life together, I can appreciate the deep honesty it takes to explore an open relationship.

For a long time, I believed that I …

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Should you propose in public?

I am a sucker for romance, so seeing or hearing a public proposal is the ultimate romantic gesture in my book. I am so fascinated by people who go to great lengths to propose.

Recently, I saw a Youtube proposal of a man who proposed to his girlfriend in public. She turned him down, rather coldly – I might add, and suddenly I wondered if public proposals are actually a bad idea.

When you are proposing for all the wrong reasons, it’s more than a bad idea, it’s a jerk move. If the grand gesture is actually a front for “I got caught cheating and this public proposal will get me out of the dog house” – then yeah, not a smart – or romantic way to go.

I used to think that I would just melt over a public proposal from the man I wanted to marry – now, I am convinced that a private and intimate moment is more like it.

What do you think? Would you want to have someone propose to you in front of friends, family, or perfect strangers?

Would you ever propose in public?

By Wise Diva …

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