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You said the L-word, now what?

What do you do when the person you are seeing suddenly drops the L word on you? It wasn’t expected, nor was in return. How’s that for an awkward moment?!

I know a lot of guys that tell women they love them, so I’m a bit jaded when it comes to this kind of thing. While I believe in men saying it when they actually feel the emotion, a lot of times what they are really feeling is …caught up.

You know how it goes, she rocked your world and you barely know your name, let alone what you are saying! FYI – picking that moment to say it for the first time may be met with cynicism.

Everyone loves to hear the word LOVE, but does it immediately changes the relationship dynamic?

Have you use the L-word with someone early in the relationship? Did it bring you closer or did it make things too complicated?

How do you know when it’s the right time – and wrong time – to say” I love you”?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

126 comments Add your comment

SlimNu

August 31st, 2011
8:15 am

Good morning,

I will be in and out today but the right time to say I love you, is the time YOU feel comfy letting the other person know that’s how you feel. Beware that they may very well not be on the same page as you, so don’t fret if the sentiment isn’t met with an “I love you too”. And it may be a good idea to be prepared mentally if that person decides to back off a little after the exposure of your feelings. For some reason, that L-word freaks some folks out.

The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior

August 31st, 2011
8:19 am

“Caught up?” really? That seems like more of a female trait (i.e. the kitty and the heart forever being connected).

But if a guy beyond the age of 21 is “caught up” behind some sex, then he needs to set up shop out on Clairmont weekly to get right.

As for when to tell someone you love them – you tell them when you feel it.

For me it was never about the return use of the word or the emotion. It was more “here’s where I am with mine.”

While I used it sparingly, I said it fearlessly. As stated yesterday, if you’re living this life and/or experiencing relationships with caution, you do yourself and everyone around you a disservice.

Oh, yeah – good morning

The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior

August 31st, 2011
8:22 am

@Slim

I never liked “too” as in ‘also’, or ‘additionally’. When said or returned “I love you (period)” was/is how I cook my gumbo

SlimNu

August 31st, 2011
8:22 am

Morning oh Superior One ;-)

SlimNu

August 31st, 2011
8:25 am

I can understand the ‘too’ deal but when one makes themselves vulnerable by exposing their emotional cards, it can make them second guess the timing if they don’t hear that in return. I’m speaking generally, not specific to me. I remember when I told the beau how I felt and I basically said that his feelings do not have to be as my own.

Anyway, toodles…gotta step away from the desk for the morning. Chow for now ;-)

mark

August 31st, 2011
9:09 am

if i tell a Woman i LOVE her best believe i do. because those are some serious words..to me.

czBrat

August 31st, 2011
9:38 am

Everyone loves to hear the word LOVE, NOT! but does it immediately changes the relationship dynamic? well, yeah.

hola slimchick. i’m not a fan of the “ILU2″, but i usually throw back a “ditto”. which is probably just as bad. ay ay ay. i’m a work in progress.

abc

August 31st, 2011
9:43 am

Another middle school relationship topic. Yawn.

SlimNu

August 31st, 2011
9:44 am

cz – :lol: ditto bruh…imma try that one

I like the “i love you”….response – “i love you more” ;-) Yeah yeah yeah, i’m a sap

Leggs

August 31st, 2011
9:49 am

Good morning, Good morning, Good morning!

I’m pumping myself up cuz I am so tired. Rough, ruff, ruff start this morning.

As far as the L word is concerned, if I say it, I mean it. It doesn’t phase me if you don’t say it back. I’m simply expressing my emotions, I don’t need or want a parrot!!

Exiled!

August 31st, 2011
9:49 am

Good morning!

Why are those three words so complicated to some?

It ain’t that serious y’all!

U can luv as many women as possible without making them your long term partners.

Isn’t that what the bible demands? Love thine neighbors etc.

Ughhhhh, uall too serious for me!

Every woman I have ever been,I’ve loved some about them. It don’t matter it was a quickie or a prolonged relationship.

So,it’s good to spread luv around.

kimmie

August 31st, 2011
9:53 am

Morning All!

Say it when you feel it & mean it, but don’t get upset if one doesn’t say it back. Oh, and if you really love the person, put it in action.

The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior

August 31st, 2011
9:56 am

@Brat

the ditto would get you dismissed….kinda dudes you messing with that let that isht go down?

M. (pronouced M dot)

August 31st, 2011
9:57 am

Good day….

“How do you know when it’s the right time – and wrong time – to say” I love you”?”

There is no right time and the earlier, the worse. Guys should never tell a woman they love her early, you show her by your actions. Women judge men off their actions. If you say you love her but you two just sit on the couch watching rerun’s of Golden Girls and eating pizza, that is going to leave a funny taste to her because Love is supposed to be tangible.

And when guys drop the L word to early, it makes you look somewhat unstable. I know there is love at first sight etc but how do you love her and you don’t even know her middle name?

czBrat

August 31st, 2011
10:02 am

:twisted: @ dan. kinda dude that understands ME.
i don’t do verbal mush. i show my luv in other ways. ways that make him quite happy. so zip it!

czBrat

August 31st, 2011
10:08 am

how do you love her and you don’t even know her middle name?
this is hilarious to me! i told s/o my middle names when we met, but i’ve refused to ever repeat them. i kept teasing him that he couldn’t possibly love me if he didn’t know my full name. anywho, just the other day i layed them all out for him again. i should call him right now and see if he can rattle them off. :lol:

Exiled!

August 31st, 2011
10:10 am

@Mdot?

What if u bought the pizza and sharing it with her,that ain’t tangible enough for her?

The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior

August 31st, 2011
10:11 am

@Brat

What I thought….how long is the leash you have him wearing….j/k

@Mdot

Cousin, love has nothing to do with a middle name – that’s the relationship. Two disparate things that when working in conjunction makes something new and beautiful.

And ‘unstable’ – wow. “The measure of a man is defined by his actions” and if being comfortable and confident enough to express oneself isn’t action enough, then there’s a disconnect between the word [action] and the deed.

‘Unstable’ is the juvenile “waiting til she says it first” game IMO.

kimmie

August 31st, 2011
10:21 am

Dan – If you just met someone and blurt out the L word, some may think it a bit unstable, or creepy, uncomfortable. I thought that’s what M dot meant anyway.

The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior

August 31st, 2011
10:23 am

@Kimmie

I took “early” to mean “before she does”….but I’ll let him elaborate

Randyt (aka Been There, Done That, Got a Closet FULL of T-Shirts)

August 31st, 2011
10:25 am

IMHO Every time is the right time and every time is the wrong time. Sometimes I feel it strongly, other times I think Tina Turner was right on exactly.

Today I am going with Tina.

Purple Reign

August 31st, 2011
10:26 am

If you say it when you feel it there is no right or wrong time.

Leggs

August 31st, 2011
10:29 am

@czB ~ I can actually picture your facial expression telling Dan to “zip it.”

M. (pronouced M dot)

August 31st, 2011
10:30 am

@Exiled!

If pizza is all it takes to keep her happy go for it! Pizza Hut carryout=$9 lol

@The man formerly know as Dan – still…Superior

So if you meet a woman and after a week, you mean to tell me you are dropping the L bomb? My rationale is that a lot of guys drop the L bomb because they are just blinded by everything that they think saying I Love You will get them more stability with the woman, lock her down and get you some brownie points….

Randyt (aka Been There, Done That, Got a Closet FULL of T-Shirts)

August 31st, 2011
10:31 am

I feel compelled to insert this (because I have ‘optic-rectitus today):

Tima said it all…

“You must understand though the touch of your hand
Makes my pulse react
That it’s only the thrill of boy meeting girl
Opposittes attract
It’s physical
Only logical
You must try to ignore that it means more than that

What’s love got to do, got to do with it
What’s love but a second hand emotion
What’s love got to do, got to do with it
Who needs a heart when a heart can be broken

It may seem to you that I’m acting confused
When you’re close to me
If a tend to look dazed I’ve read it someplace
I’ve got cause to be
There’s a name for it
There’s a phrase that fits
But whatever the reason you do it for me

What’s love got to do, got to do with it
What’s love but a second hand emotion
What’s love got to do, got to do with it
Who needs a heart when a heart can be broken

I’ve been taking on a new direction
But I have to say
I’ve been thinking about my own protection
It scares me to feel this way

What’s love got to do, got to do with it
What’s love but a sweet old fashioned notion
What’s love got to do, got to do with it
Who needs a heart when a heart can be broken”

Randyt (aka Been There, Done That, Got a Closet FULL of T-Shirts)

August 31st, 2011
10:32 am

Tina not Tima

SexyCool

August 31st, 2011
10:38 am

Randyt (aka Been There, Done That, Got a Closet FULL of T-Shirts)

August 31st, 2011
10:38 am

“Have you use the L-word with someone early in the relationship? Did it bring you closer or did it make things too complicated?”

I have times when it was right a month in, and too early a year in. It always seems to complicate things though. My opinion.

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

August 31st, 2011
10:38 am

I dont’ know of a structured time to say it, if you mean it say it. Doesn’t gaurantee they will say it back, given time they might.

SexyCool

August 31st, 2011
10:41 am

No run this morning.

A declaration of love can either take a relationship to the next level or stop it in its tracks. You should know take care to get to know a person well enough to have some idea of how it would be received once that statement is made and whether or not there is a possibility of it being reciprocated.

SexyCool

August 31st, 2011
10:43 am

831 is code for I love you.
8 letters.
3 words.
1 meaning.

8.31.12 – the countdown has begun. (lol)

Blackfoote: The Real Blackfoote

August 31st, 2011
10:43 am

I’ve been there RandyT, said it too early only to regret it then been asked by others why haven’t I said it. Sometimes it’s damn if you do and damn if you don’t.

The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior

August 31st, 2011
10:44 am

@MDot

If you tell someone you love them in a week, then yeah, you’ve got issues.

Who said anything about a week anyway?

czBrat

August 31st, 2011
10:44 am

leash? just ugh! no thanx. i prefer our comfy, cozy kennel den arrangement.

lol @ leggs!

kimmie, “creepy” is exactly the word i would use if a dude got waaaay too deep waaaay too soon. i mean, really? you don’t even know me yet!

M. (pronouced M dot)

August 31st, 2011
10:51 am

@The man formerly know as Dan – still…Superior

The topic was about people using the L word to early in relationships and a week is an example.

kimmie

August 31st, 2011
10:52 am

SCool – I thought about you today when I looked at the date. I think that is the coolest thing!!

czBrat

August 31st, 2011
10:55 am

awww. sc, luv your 10:43. that just the cuteness!

Leggs

August 31st, 2011
11:01 am

You need to play 831 every day for the month of September!

Browncoat

August 31st, 2011
11:02 am

L Word? Lesbian?

Mo (aka Moeisha)

August 31st, 2011
11:03 am

SCool – that is the coolest thing eva!! Nice chica!

SexyCool

August 31st, 2011
11:12 am

Aw, shucks…thanks, y’all…

Leggs – good idea.

M. (pronouced M dot)

August 31st, 2011
11:14 am

Did anyone hear the strawberry letter today? It was about this lady who said she would end her life if she’s not married with kids by 40.

It is amazing the pressure that society has placed on people regarding the definition of success and happiness. I know a few people who never been married or had kids but have found success and happiness in other areas of their lives.

Your thoughts? If you don’t ever marry or have kids, would you deem your life a failure?

ali

August 31st, 2011
11:16 am

After being together for quite some time, I told my guy that I loved him at the beginning of a weekend…and at the end, I felt him being distant. He told me that he’s feelings for me had changed. So, we’re no longer together. :( Just be careful when you say it…it may just cause him to run!!

The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior

August 31st, 2011
11:19 am

@SC – congrats – the time flies too

@Ali – be fearless in life and in love

@MDot – success is defined by the person – “societ(ies) pressure” only affects those it can. It’s like self-esteem..

SexyCool

August 31st, 2011
11:25 am

Thanks, Dan. The few pics that I saw of your day are FABulous!!!

As to the SL topic, I was thinking something similar – society is not pressuring her. She is pressuring herself.

Leggs

August 31st, 2011
11:25 am

@SC ~ play both mid day and eve. Lottery officials love to mess with folk with dropping your numbers mid day when you only play them evening…I’m hip to their scam (lol). That’s a total of $60 for what may be a $500 return. Play straight/box $1.00

kimmie

August 31st, 2011
11:28 am

M dot – I heard that and it was sad. But not to be mean at all, she sounded very unstable and that is probably why she’s not attracting anyone. Remember, she said she’s tried suicide several times and she has a very poor self-image. Men can probably see that instability with her a mile away.

Like it or not, society looks at you like something is wrong with you(especially women) if you don’t ever marry or have a child, especially marry. You could have everything in the world going for you careerwise, but it’s almost like you’re a failure if your personal life goes against what society thinks it SHOULD be, which includes marriage and a family. A lot of people are not strong enough to make their own definition of success.

We all have something of value to offer the world. A lot of people don’t have children of their own but still play a strong role in the lives of many children in other ways. I always wanted several children of my own, but God had another plan. I’m still a mother, raising children and I love them as if I gave birth to them.

A lady I was close to from my church that passed last year ran an orphanage. She married twice, but never had kids of her own. But she was MOTHER to hundreds of kids that came thru that orphanage over the years. And she was certainly not a FAILURE!

Leggs

August 31st, 2011
11:30 am

@M. ~ There’s more to the letter than ending her life if things aren’t achieved by age 40. She’s been hurt countless times, has low self-esteem, has no idea what it means to love self, has a severe problem looking at what others have. I feel with a letter like that, there isn’t any room for jokes. What the crew should do, is personally show up at this woman’s door and assist. You want to offer advice on the Strawberry Letter? Well, sometimes that advice needs to come in the form of an actual face to face. This is that case. IMHO!

kimmie

August 31st, 2011
11:32 am

Leggs – Did you hear the SL? Shirley said almost what you said, that this was no time for jokes.

Leggs

August 31st, 2011
11:35 am

Exactly, kimmie! If you want a child and can’t seem to have one, there are many ways to achieve that. So what, it may not come from your body. Don’t let that stop you. My good friend of 40 years wanted children. For some reason, God decided not to bestow that “gift” upon her and her husband. Nonetheless, if you truly want to be a parent, there are many avenues. IJS.